The following takes place between 8 am and 9 am
8:00 – A limo with a bumper sticker saying “My other car is Air Force One” rolls up to the LA presidential compound, and several secret service agents get out. No one else gets out. After waiting a few moments, two agents reach inside the limo and try and pull President Manilow out. They have a hard time because he’s holding on to the limo door, arms completely outstretched while the agents pull on his legs. Manilow yells, “You can’t make me go! You can’t make me!”
8:02 – Chloe is still on the phone with Bill, who’s nearly back at CTU. Chloe tells Bill she saw the Chinese ship sink about five miles from the coast, and she thinks that Jack didn’t make it. Bill tells Chloe that he’s pretty sure that Jack floats in water, and not to worry.
8:03 – Marine life all around him in the water, Jack, still groggy from being passed out, looks around the lifeboat he ended up in. At first he tries to remember what kind of party he went to the night before, and then realizes what happened. He has nothing but a couple of oars and a rope. Jack looks at his JackPhone sees that it’s out of power, and gets so mad that he kicks an oar that breaks in half. Jack looks at the broken oar and gets a gleam in his eye.
8:05 – Three secret service agents carry Manilow through the hallways of the LA presidential compound to a room where VP Scary is waiting. The VP confronts Manilow with a piece of paper, and tells him that he has to sign it. Manilow puts his fingers in his ears and starts repeating “La La La! I can’t hear you! Can’t hear what you’re saying!”
8:08 – Audrey’s still in the park crying about the squirrel she saw, but doesn’t seem to notice that several other squirrels have joined the first squirrel. The squirrels all have squirrelly looks on their faces, which is probably good, since they are, in fact, squirrels.
8:09 – Bill arrives at CTU, sees Miles, and tells the guards to put him into interrogation room one. One of the CTU agents, Harold, tells Bill that everything in LA is returning to normal, but there’s been some looting during the night. Bill tells Harold that the lute is
one of his favorite instruments, but what he really wanted to know about was what vandalism might have occurred. Harold tells him that it’s mainly donut shops, and that several stores appeared to have one or both of their outer walls broken in.
8:11 – Mrs. Manilow arrives at the LA compound with Cheney Looking Guy. She grabs the papers from VP Scary and shakes them in front of Manilow. She tells him that signing these papers will be for the good of the country. Manilow says that he’ll never sign papers resigning his presidency. Mrs. Manilow laughs and tells him that the papers
will get him off of another season of “24”. Manilow squeals with delight and faints.
8:13 – Chloe calls Bill and tells him that she spotted something traveling away from the boat wreckage, and she thinks its Jack. Bill tells her to close up what she’s doing and head back to CTU, and then he calls Curtis to head to the beach to see what he can find. Curtis grabs a metal detector, and leaves.
Commercial
8:17 – Audrey finally stops crying. She doesn’t see there are at least twenty squirrels behind her. She takes about two steps, and the squirrels all move in the same direction. Audrey starts to run for her car, and the squirrels start running after her.
8:18 – Manilow wakes up and signs the papers. VP Scary and Mrs. Manilow start to laugh, and tell him that he really signed papers giving up the presidency, and not papers terminating is contract. Manilow tells them that the last laugh will be on them, grabs his
purse and makes a phone call as he leaves the building.
8:19 – Curtis is out on the beach with a metal detector when he notices there’s very loud triumphant music playing from somewhere. We see Jack, a piece of broken oar in each hand, using them to steer two dolphins that he’s water skiing on top of. Jack arrives on shore, and he waves down Curtis.
8:20 – Disaster! Audrey makes it to her car in time, leaving the squirrels outside. There are many squirrels on top of her car as she drives away.
8:21 – Curtis meets Jack, and they head off to CTU.
8:22 – Curtis, putting his extensive knowledge of back roads to good use yet again, arrives at CTU with Jack, apologizing for taking so long.
8:23 – Chloe heads back to her car, ready to go back to CTU to see Jack. As she leaves her house, the doors close and lock by themselves, and her car’s doors open by themselves. Chloe tells the car to go into “self drive” mode, and takes a short nap while the car drives itself to CTU. A squirrel flies by her windshield, but she doesn’t notice.
8:25 – Driving wildly in the other direction is Audrey, squirrels all over her car. Fortunately for Audrey, the squirrels don’t seem to be able to hold on very well. Traffic behind Audrey’s car is swerving all over the place to avoid the squirrels.
Commercial
8:29 – Bill greets Curtis and Jack as they enter CTU. Bill hands Jack a new battery for his JackPhone, and tells Jack that he should get some sleep. Jack tells Bill that there will be more than enough time for that when the crisis is over, and wants to know what the current situation is. Bill looks at Curtis and says there is no “current situation”. The only situation was that Jack had been missing. Jack asks about the terrorists, and Bill tells them they’re all dead. Jack asks about Robocop, and then stops himself when he realizes he gave some bullets to Robocop using his gun earlier. Jack looks incredibly disappointed, and Bill tells him he’s very sorry. Bill says he could send Harold out with a five-minute head start, but Jack says that it wouldn’t be the same.
8:31 – The last squirrel on Audrey’s car makes a particularly scary squirrel face as it slides off the windshield. Audrey screams, and she drives off the road into a middle of a field, luckily missing all the workers in the field.
8:32 – Audrey’s car comes to a stop, and she’s out of gas. She looks around and sees there is something really weird about what she thought were workers. They’re all wearing black hats and black pants, and their faces are white.
8:33 – Bill calls Chloe, waking her up as he car continues to drive. Bill says that Jack is back at CTU now, and not to worry. Chloe decides that since nobody ate anything nearly all day yesterday that it would be a good idea to go to a donut shop to bring in some donuts back to CTU.
8:34 – Jack’s phone rings, and its Audrey. She tells Jack she’s happy to hear his voice and starts crying.
8:37– Three minutes later, Audrey finally finishes crying, and explains what happened and mentions the people in the field that she sees. She tells Jack that she’s about to leave the car to ask one of the people in the field for help. Jack says, “Audrey, listen very carefully. Do not exit the car. We’re coming to get you.” When she asks why, Jack tells her that she’s in extreme danger because she’s in the middle of a mime field. Jack runs to his car.
Commercial
8:41 – Miles is in interrogation room one talking to the mirror, saying that it’s all over. He’s going on and on about why he sided with Manilow, and that he hopes they take his extensive service with Homeland Security into account. No one answers. He says it that he knows they’re behind the mirror there. There’s no one behind the mirror. Everyone seems to have forgotten that Miles is in interrogation room one.
8:44 – Jack arrives at the mime field, and sees Audrey’s car. The mimes are using all their powers against Jack. Some of them are walking against the wind, others are inside invisible boxes, and one is even imitating Jack. They all look really innocent, but we can see that several have pulled out guns.
8:45 – Jack is slowly making his way through the mime field when he hears a weird noise and something goes by his head. Then another. Jack realizes that the mimes are shooting at him! He says, “How can I have been so STUPID? They’re using silencers!” Jack can’t stand it any longer, yells “A mime is a wonderful thing to waste” and starts shooting mime thighs.
8:47 – Jack shoots all of the mimes. The mimes are all gesturing wildly. Jack reaches Audrey’s car, and he tells her to follow him. They both run to Jack’s car and head back to CTU.
Commercial
8:52 – Audrey and Jack arrive back at CTU. Jack tells Bill to have someone clean up the mime field, and that since there doesn’t seem to be anything going on, he’s going to leave to take Audrey to see her father, the Secretary of Defense. As Jack turns to leave, Bill says that they have is Miles in interrogation room one, and Jack can interrogate Miles if he wants to. Jack tells Audrey that he needs to do this, and sends Audrey ahead to meet her father at the hospital. Bill and Jack head for the interrogation room.
8:54 – Miles is in interrogation room one, and is babbling and laughing to himself. Bill asks what’s so funny. Miles says that they’re all doomed, and that Manilow had something up his sleeves. Jack says that he knows Manilow has arms up his sleeves, because he’s seen Manilow in person. Miles says that he didn’t mean and that Manilow had a fail-safe plan. Jack asks what it’s called, and Miles says “The Fail Safe Plan”.
8:56 – Chloe’s car rolls up to a donut shop, and there seems to be an unusual disturbance there. As Chloe is getting out of her car, she seems people screaming as they go running out of the shop. Chloe assumes they’ve run out of coffee and makes a mental note to pick up some after she picks up the donuts.
8:58 – Jack turns to Bill and says, “Don’t you realize? Manilow – Marwan – Miles… All these bad guys have names that start with the letter ‘M’!” Miles points out that the Impeccable English Speaking Terrorist didn’t have a name that started with “M”, and Jack tells him to shut up. Jack then tells Miles that he’ll shoot Miles in the thigh unless Miles tells him what’s going to happen. Miles laughs and tells Jack that it’s already too late; the robot has been released hours ago, and it’s already devastating the city.
8:59 – Chloe is slowly moving towards the donut shop. There’s a HUGE crash as both doors are blown off their hinges, leaving a large metallic figure standing in the doorway, cruller in one hand, and a donut with sprinkles in the other. Chloe turns paler than usual and says, “It can’t be! You’re dead!” Standing in the doorway is: RoboEdgar.
9:00 – Time’s up!
Steve, you are BRILLIANT!
*wild applause*
Another stellar job, Steve. Especially love the mime field.
Astounding how we can crack each other up by poking fun at shows the other never watches. Might need to coin a new word for it. Wanna take a shot? I would, but my brain has been sucked dry by resisting my daughter and her best friend’s attempts at making me jump through flaming hoops to get them together today.
There’s just something about seeing or reading about something that you don’t expect that does it.
For example, after I read your note, I looked out the window and saw three police officers riding around in small circles on bikes. That I thought was funny enough, but what really made it better was that when I looked further down the street, there weren’t just three. There must be twelve out there, and they’re trying to drive around traffic cones that are about three inches high. There’s something about that combination that just made laugh out loud.
It’s kinda weird at the same time, though. Wish I had a camera to prove that’s actually happening out there.