Month: July 2006

Last Time:

Ex-President Manilow auditioned for a role on a TV show, but was turned down because he didn’t make a convincing enough President. RoboEdgar ate a giant crop circle into a cornfield, and is now flying with Chloe to San Francisco to meet Jack and Curtis. Audrey has been kidnapped again, and is currently duct-taped and roped to the side of the Golden Gate Bridge. The kidnappers have giant speakers duct-taped to the bridge and a microphone duct-taped to Audrey’s mouth, and are threatening to turn on the speakers to destroy San Francisco unless they get their ransom.

4:00 pm – Jack tells Curtis that the person with the ransom demand must be close to where they are, because they knew who and when to call. Curtis tells Jack that he really needs to get a new unlisted phone number. Jack tells him that he’s locked into his current rate plan, and that it’ll cost a lot of money to get out of the contract. A man comes up to them and tries to interrupt them. Curtis suggests that Jack just pay the fee, and start with a new contract and a new carrier. The man says “Excuse me!” Jack says that he really likes his JackPhone. Frustrated, the man yells at them and asks if they know anything about the woman up on the bridge. Jack says, “Oh, right!” Curtis and Jack start climbing up the hill towards one end up the bridge.

4:03 pm – Traffic is non-existent on the bridge, but there are a lot of people on the other end, and they’re headed towards Jack and Curtis. The people are carrying a sign that says, “San Francisco Kumbaya Art Festival”. Jack is looking all around, trying to figure out where the ransom caller is hiding. Jack looks farther up the steel beams, and sees someone. Jack says, “It’s Marwan!” Curtis tells Jack that Marwan can’t be up there, because he’s dead. Jack agrees with Curtis that Marwan did die, but says this is probably a form of dead that they were previously unfamiliar with. Marwan swings down onto the ledge near Audrey, but hides behind a beam.

4:05 pm – Marwan is making his way around the cabling above Audrey, who is desperately trying to chew her way through the duct-tape. Jack pulls out his gun and points it towards Marwan. Curtis tells Jack that if he shoot Marwan, he better shoot him in the thigh, because if he doesn’t, no one will believe that Marwan was really alive. Everyone will think that he and Jack just dug up Marwan and were using him for target practice. Jack agrees that not only is this plausible enough for people to believe that, it’s also one heck of a good idea and wishes that Curtis had mentioned this idea before.

4:07 pm – Curtis tells Jack that he better be quick because the crowd is almost where Audrey is, and if they hit a civilian, they’ll be lots of questions, paperwork, notes of apology, etc. Jack tells Curtis that he can make the shot, and shoots! We hear a loud “KaChing!” Marwan just laughs. Marwan yells, “Protective thigh armor, Mr. Bauer!” and swings over the edge, just as the people approach the middle of the bridge.

4:09 pm – Jack and Curtis run to where Audrey is duct-taped. As they’re running, a woman at the front of the parade, stops at Audrey, loudly announces “Congratulations! You’ve won Second Place in the Performance Art category in this year’s festival!”, and slaps a ribbon on top of Audrey’s head. This jars some of the duct-tape that had been holding Audrey to the bridge, loosening both of her head and hands…but not her feet. Audrey swings down, and is now facing head down, towards the water, feet hanging from ropes that are duct-taped to the bridge. Audrey looks a bit surprised and unhappy at this turn of events. Marwan can’t be seen. Jack reaches the edge of the bridge, and starts to climb down to reach Audrey, despite Curtis’s pleas not to go down there.

Commercial

4:13 pm – Jack reaches Audrey, and tells her that everything is going to be OK. Audrey’s really screaming now, but it’s pretty muffled by the duct tape. She’s nodding her head towards Jack. Jack tells her to stop moving around so much, and to quit ticking. Jack stops and thinks about this for a second, realizing that of all the noises he’s ever heard Audrey make, ticking was not one of them.

4:14 pm – Jack turns his head in the direction of the noise, and sees a bomb that’s been duct-taped under the bridge, just out of reach. The bomb is labeled “Bauer-Away! Get rid of the pesky Bauers in your life.” It has a note that says “Goodbye, Mr. Bauer”.

4:15 pm – Jack swings to the beam, takes out a knife and cuts the bomb loose from the bridge. It falls into the water and explodes.

4:16 pm – Jack swings back to Audrey, grabs her, and starts to climb up. When they reach the top, the people in the parade applaud, and the woman that gave Audrey second place comes up to Jack and hands him the first place ribbon, apologizing for not waiting until the end of the performance. Police cars arrive.

4:18 pm – Curtis says that something is wrong with Audrey, and Jack realizes that Curtis is right. Audrey isn’t making any sort of noise whatsoever. She just has a wide-eyed shocked look on her face. Jack calls Bill, and lets him know what happened, and Audrey’s current state. Bill congratulates Jack for finally figuring out how to shut Audrey up.

4:19 pm – Several ambulances arrive. Two men get out of one of them. It’s the two drivers that had previously tried to take Audrey to the hospital. They take one look at her, and run back to the ambulance and drive away. A couple of the other medics arrive, put Audrey on a gurney, and put her in the ambulance. They drive away. Just as Curtis is congratulating Jack, they hear a huge explosion to the south. Jack flashes his CTU ID to one of the police officers. The officer says that he loves the show, and tells him to take the car. Jack looks at Curtis and Curtis shrugs. They jump into the car, headed to the sound of the explosion.

Commercial

4:24 pm – Hollywood is on the phone, arguing with Janosz. Hollywood is really mad that with all the effort they’ve made today, Jack is still alive, AND they have Marwan running loose on the streets. Hollywood tells Janosz, that he better find a good way to control Marwan, because he’s afraid that Marwan is just crazy enough to get Jack AND the rest of them. Janosz says he has just the plan to get Marwan AND Jack, and tells Hollywood that he’s headed for Golden Gate Park.

4:25 pm – Jack and Curtis arrive at a tourist area, just outside some kind of chocolate store. People are running and screaming in every direction. As they get out of the car, they see Chloe emerge from the building. She sees Jack and she tells him that RoboEdgar is inside, and that it’s all her fault. While they were traveling back to the West Coast, she said something about wanting a piece of chocolate, and RoboEdgar headed straight for Ghirardelli Square. Jack tells Curtis to go inside, find RoboEdgar. He tells Curtis he wants RoboEdgar to fly back to CTU and wait for further instructions.

4:28 pm – Bill calls Jack tells him that the “KaChing” noise that Marwan’s thigh armor made is manufactured in the China Town area of San Francisco, and the “KaChing Thigh Armor Emporium”. Curtis returns to tell Jack that RoboEdgar is in no mood to go back to CTU, and that he wants to stay with Chloe. Chloe goes back to talk to RoboEdgar, who for some reason is signing autographs for people who are a lot less hysterical than they were a few minutes ago. Chloe convinces RoboEdgar to fly slowly behind the car that Jack is driving. They head to China Town.

Commercial

4:31 pm – Janosz arrives at the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. He finds a secluded area, and pulls out three stones from his pocket which he puts into a triangle, and starts casting a magic spell, asking for help in getting rid of Jack Bauer, and getting Marwan under control.

4:34 pm – Jack, Chloe and Curtis feel a really strong rumbling noise. Jack thinks it might have been RoboEdgar screwing around, and tells Chloe to tell him to stop doing that. Chloe leans out the window to yell at RoboEdgar.

4:35 pm – As they head for China Town, Jack tells Chloe that he’s been noticing something really weird going on, and that people have started to recognize him. Curtis said that the same thing is happening to him. Chloe says she noticed the same thing about RoboEdgar, and that someone had asked her to “not taser him”. Jack tells Chloe to connect to the computers at CTU, and see if she can figure what’s going on.

4:37 pm – Another rumbling noise, and they all turn to look at RoboEdgar, which was probably a bad idea, because Jack was driving. Fortunately, Jack doesn’t hit anyone.

4:39 pm – The car arrives at the KaChing Thigh Armor Emporium. Chloe asks Edgar to wait outside, and not get into any trouble. Curtis and Jack go inside, while Chloe uses a laptop computer inside the police car to connect to CTU.

Commercial

4:44 pm – Jack speaks with, Ching KaChing, the owner. Another, stronger tremor hits, and Ching says that it’s nothing to worry about since earthquake tremors happen in San Francisco all the time. Jack questions her about the orders for thigh armor they get. She explains that there are quite a few orders from all over the country, with a surge of them on Tuesday mornings for some reason. Curtis asks if there are any good Sushi restaurants in the area, and Ching tells him that this is CHINA town, not JAPAN town.

4:47 pm – Jack asks if Ching has filled any “strange” orders lately. Ching says that they get a lot of strange orders in this town, but the weirdest lately was a request for armor for “Prince Vigo the Carpathian” from someone named Janosz Poha. An even stronger tremor hits, knocking over a few thigh armor displays. Ching looks a little concerned.

4:50 pm – Chloe runs into the store, and tells Jack she found something. She said that the computers at CTU didn’t show up anything at all, but that something really weird was happening down in Los Angeles on one of the television studios.

Commercial

4:56 pm – There’s a loud crash outside. Jack tells Chloe that RoboEdgar must have seen a restaurant, and they better go get him before he causes more damage. Curtis yells, “GODZILLA!” Ching hits him in the shoulder, and tells him that not only is Godzilla, again a JAPANESE monster, but saying stuff like this is not the least bit funny. Curtis is shakes his head and points out the window. The only thing you can see out the window is a giant foot where their police car used to be.

4:57 pm – Jack receives a phone call from Bill, who says that they’ve traced some kind of massive disturbance which appears to have started around the Japanese Tea Garden at Golden Gate Park, and is currently somewhere in China Town. Jack tells Bill, “Thanks for the tip”, and hangs up.

4:58 pm – Jack, Curtis, Chloe and Ching all run outside. It’s Godzilla, all right. Ching takes one look at the monster, tells the rest of the group that it’s been nice meeting them, but that she has to go. She runs back inside, slams the door shut, and shutters the windows.

4:59 pm – Many of the buildings on the street are destroyed, and people are, in general, freaking out. Curtis and Jack both take aim at Godzilla and fire their guns, but it has no effect.

5:00 pm – Time’s up!

OK… Word of warning this time. Some of the references in here will make no sense to you if you haven’t been paying attention to Dave Barry’s blog.

Come to think of it, some of this might not make sense even if you were paying attention to Dave’s blog.

….Well, anyway, here goes….

Last Time:

Chloe disabled RoboEdgar by feeding him a granola bar. Through some tricky maneuvering, Cheney Looking Guy (CLG) was able to get Wayne Palmer, President Allstate’s brother, installed as president. Jack discovered his Amish heritage. RoboEdgar reveals that everything that has been happening today has been a plot to kill Jack. Jack receives a call and finds out that Audrey was kidnapped and is being held hostage (again). Jack and Curtis are trying to make their way back to California, while Chloe stays behind to repair RoboEdgar.

The following was scheduled to have happened between 3 pm and 4 pm, but was nearly delayed because the flight from New York was late. Fortunately, they’ve arrived on schedule, so please put your tray tables in an upright and locked position.

3:00 pm – Jack calls Bill to let him know that Audrey has been kidnapped. Bill says he knows, and that it’s Jack’s big chance to get out of the relationship. Jack ignores this and tells Bill to send out a team of experts to try and find out which group has taken Audrey.

3:03 pm – Bill quickly assembles some of the cleaning crew and gives them strict instructions to try and find Audrey.

3:04 pm – Jack and Curtis arrive at Curtis’ modified Harrier Jet. Jack says that it’ll be good to fly on the inside for once, since he spent most of the time hanging on for dear life to RoboEdgar while they crossed the United States. Curtis said that he had no idea that Jack was that close to RoboEdgar. Jack tries to elbow him in the face, but misses when Curtis ducks! Curtis tells Jack, “You see there? You can fool me once with…” and Jack hits Curtis with his other elbow.

3:06 pm – Marwan tells the henchmen with him that he’s very unimpressed with the choice of kidnapping victims, since no one seems to want to pick her up. Janosz is standing behind Marwan, and tells the henchmen, “Don’t make Vigo angry!” Marwan looks at Janosz and shrugs when he doesn’t understand what the heck Janosz is talking about. Marwan tells the henchmen they need to continue with the plan, and they lead Audrey into the back room.

3:09 pm – Chloe is trying to explain to RoboEdgar that he died, but RoboEdgar doesn’t quite understand what Chloe is talking about. He keeps insisting that he needs to eat. Chloe does a couple of tests and she realizes that RoboEdgar needs to keep eating in order to remain powered. She asks Jonah, the “Amish” doctor that helped Jack where there is a source of food that can help RoboEdgar while she tries to figure out what to do to fix this problem. Jonah points to a cornfield and says that’s the nearest food supply. Chloe leads RoboEdgar to the corn field and tells him he can eat some of the corn, not ALL of the corn, and if he sees any children in that cornfield get out of there RIGHT AWAY. RoboEdgar goes into the cornfield.

Commercial

3:14 pm – On a hunch, the cleaning crew investigating Audrey’s kidnapping stop in on an animal shelter to see if someone has given Audrey up for adoption. They leave after they realize the howling they heard was not Audrey.

3:16 pm – Curtis and Jack are now flying at hypersonic speeds back towards California. Curtis says that he’s in no mood for any more of Jack’s punches, and Jack tells Curtis that he’s sorry, but he’s had a tough couple of days. Curtis says that he’s not surprised since Audrey is involved, but Jack doesn’t notice.

3:18 pm – Manilow is wandering the streets, very depressed that he’s no longer President. He tells himself that he’s going to need a job, and probably go undercover in order to not be arrested for everything that happened during the last day. He also says to himself that it would probably be a good idea anyway, since Mrs. Manilow is probably after him too. A panhandler on the street overhears all this, and presses five dollars into Manilow’s hands saying that he’s heard a lot of stories, but this was the most depressing.

3:23 pm – Chloe is still waiting for RoboEdgar to come out of the field. We can see that cornstalks are flying up in the air at an alarming rate while RoboEdgar eats.

3:24 pm – Bill calls Jack, and tells him there’s a strange disturbance north of San Francisco. Bill says he’s trying to get the details, but he’s not sure what it is. Jack tells him it’s a big city on the west coast, but what’s really important is finding out what the strange disturbance is.

3:25 pm – Johan tries to make small talk with Chloe. Johan tells Chloe that she’d probably like living in the Midwest, and then leans in closer to tell her to tell her something. Instinctively, Chloe pulls her taser out of her purse and zaps him.

Commercial

3:31 pm – Manilow is still wandering the streets when he sees a poster that lists times for auditions for a television show….as President of the United States! Manilow decides that maybe hiding out from everyone isn’t the best idea in the world, and decides to try for the audition. He checks the address and spends a couple of minutes trying to stop people to ask them if they know where the address is. Someone finally stops and points out that the address he’s looking for is where he is right now. The auditions are happening right now, in the building that he’s standing in front of. He walks in.

3:35 pm – Jack and Curtis fly into California on the hypersonic jet, and moments later land the plane. They’re in a parking lot across the street where there’s a huge disturbance at some kind of store. It’s completely mobbed. As they approach, Jack hears a lady say something about seeing a head on a stick. Jack immediately yells, “EVERYONE GET DOWN!” People immediately start trying to dance, and Curtis says if they don’t stop dancing like that, they’ll be arrested. Jack yells that he’s from CTU, and that everyone needs to get down on the ground immediately. He yells to Curtis to set up a perimeter, and Curtis looks happy to do so. Jack enters the building, rushing past a door that says “Book signing”.

3:38 pm – Curtis is doing his best to create a perimeter while people in the crowd ask if he’s someone famous, and asks for his autograph. Several minutes go by. Jack walks out of the book store. He looks completely bewildered. Curtis asks Jack what happened, and Jack explains that there is no terrorist activity going on, but he’s having a hard time trying to figure out what really was going on. Jack says that when he went inside, he saw a crowd of people listening to two men. One of them had a green hat, and the other had a robe with a hood. They were reading from a book. Jack goes on to explain that as soon as he interrupted what was going on and announced “I’m Jack Bauer with CTU!”, everyone immediately went into Flank Two Position. Curtis looks very alarmed by this.

3:42 pm – Jack goes on to explain that several people came up to him and wanted his autograph, and that they loved to watch “his show”. Curtis asks, “What show?” Jack just shakes his head and says he has no idea. Curtis asks, “What about the head on the stick?” Jack says that he saw someone carrying a stick with the picture of a woman’s head on it, and that’s when he left. Curtis tells Jack that someone asked for his autograph too. Jack says that the crowd told them something about “strumpeting”. Jack tells Curtis that something really weird is going on, and they head back to the jet.

3:45 pm – Jack calls Bill. Jack asks if there’s been some sort of leak at CTU. Bill says that he’ll check the plumbing again. Jack rolls his eyes and says that he means an identity leak. Bill doesn’t think there has been, and Jack informs Bill that somehow people at a book signing knew who he was. An assistant comes up to Bill and hands him a slip of paper. Bill says he’ll call Jack back as soon as he can, and hangs up.

Commercial

3:50 pm – Manilow leaves the audition, completely crushed that he wasn’t a convincing enough President of the United States.

3:51 pm – Chloe profusely apologies to Johan for tasering him, saying that it was just a reflex that she has. Johan explains that all he wanted to do was to tell Chloe that she should buy a house out in the Midwest. Chloe takes a step back and puts her hand on her taser again. Johan quickly explains that he meant because everything is much cheaper in the Midwest. Chloe asks what he means by this, and he tells her that they have prices for “outsiders” and different, cheaper, prices for people here in the Midwest. Chloe says something about how that explains the gas station attendant’s comments when they filled up the Jet. The way they’re able to do this it to make everyone believe that nothing is happening in the Midwest, and no one ever checks. Chloe says that she agrees that nothing IS going on in the Midwest, and Johan says she’s catching on. Just as he says this, RoboEdgar emerges from the corn field, and says “Alton Glowie”. Johan looks perplexed, and Chloe says, “He said, ‘All done, Chloe.’”

3:54 pm – Bill calls Jack and tells him that they just received a message from the kidnappers. They have to get to the Golden Gate Bridge as soon as they can, and that they’ll need to bring Chloe. Jack says that Chloe isn’t with them. Jack hangs up and calls Chloe. He tells her that they need her right away. Jack and Curtis jump in the jet and take off.

3:56 pm – Chloe tells RoboEdgar that they need to get to Jack right away. RoboEdgar tells her that he’ll carry her there. Chloe does not like this one bit, but finally agrees. Chloe puts her arms around RoboEdgar’s neck, and RoboEdgar blasts off. As they leave, we see the field that RoboEdgar was just in. There’s a huge crop circle in the middle of it.

3:58 pm – Jack and Curtis arrive at the Golden Gate Bridge, but don’t see anything. Jack’s phone rings. The voice on the other end, says “Mr. Bauer. You must deliver the sum of 10 million dollars to our Swiss bank account by 5 pm today, or San Francisco will suffer the consequences.”

3:59 Jack asks what “consequences”. The voice says, “If the money isn’t delivered, a sound wave so terrible will be unleashed at it will destroy everything in San Francisco”. Jack says he’ll need some proof. The voice says, “I direct your attention to the center of the bridge”. Jack pulls out a small set of binoculars from his JackSack, and looks through them. We see that Audrey has been strapped the bridge, between a huge set of speakers. A microphone is duct-taped to Audrey’s mouth. The voice on the phone says, “Yes, Mr. Bauer, unless the money is delivered, I’m going to turn on that microphone”.

4:00 pm – Time’s up!

Last Time:

Jack jumped RoboEdgar off the cost of Miami, preventing RoboEdgar from starting a hurricane. RoboEdgar flew off with Jack still attached. Curtis and Chloe have flown from Miami using a hypersonic Harrier Jet to try and find RoboEdgar and Jack. They suspect that he’s somewhere in the Midwest, but are having a tough time tracking him down because there are no lines on the ground like there are on maps. Jack dropped out of the sky, and was saved by an Amish family. They have mistaken him as one of their own. Jack is being taken to the local doctor. Ex-President Manilow has gone back to warn Acting President Aaron about Marwan being brought back from beyond the grave. Audrey is still fascinated by her fingers.

Please note that because of some incredibly difficult editing procedures and several broken crayons, the times in last week’s synopsis were incorrectly calculated and were off by an hour. We blame this on Daylight Savings time; Daylight Savings time blamed it on us. We hope to reconcile soon. Ed: I fixed the time on my post here, but not on Dave’s Blog

Tonight:

We think the following happened between 1 pm and 2 pm, but we’re not sure because we became distracted when someone’s cell phone went off.

1:00 pm – The Amish couple and Jack continue down the road in the black buggy, which has a bumper sticker on the back that says “My other buggy is a buggy too”. Jack’s head is bandaged. The Amish woman asks Jack where he’s from and Jack tells her “Los Lobos”. Jack asks what their names are, and they introduce themselves as Douglas and Katherine Yoder. Jack replies that he loved the part in the movie where Yoder taught Luke about The Force.

1:01 pm – Chloe and Curtis are still searching for Jack, but don’t see any sign of him or RoboEdgar. Chloe does, however, see lots of other signs, which are large, green and have white lettering. Chloe asks Curtis what the heck is going on, and he says they don’t have enough fuel to make a “straight down” landing, and that they are going to make an emergency landing on the expressway. This takes a while because several cars go by and won’t let them merge into the right lane. A car finally blinks its lights a couple of times and the plane lands, and rolls down the highway to an exit ramp.

1:04 pm – Manilow is very animatedly trying to explain to Aaron that Marwan is back, and has resorted to drawing stick figures on a large white board. Aaron doesn’t seem to comprehend what’s Manilow is talking about, because Aaron has no reaction whatsoever.

1:05 pm – Mysterious-Hollywood-Agent-Looking Guy is on the phone, complaining about the shipment of terrorists he ordered. “I specifically said no sidekicks!” He slams down the phone, and turns to the two sidekicks standing in front of him. I places a large number “1” and number “2” stickers, on each of them and they start giggling and making “number 1” and “number 2” jokes at each other. Hollywood turns to a Senior Lackey, and tells him to get the sidekicks out of his sight.

1:07 pm – Jack continues to ride in the buggy as it slowly goes down the road. He looks over and sees something in the cornfield, and suddenly leaps out of the carriage. Well, it’s more like he steps out of the carriage, since it’s going about walking speed. But, he does get out and starts yelling and screaming as he runs through the cornfield. He picks up a few clods of dirt and starts throwing them while he heads further into the cornfield, scaring a lot of blackbirds. He gets them all to leave, yells “Audrey! I saved you!” and gives a huge hug to a scarecrow.

Commercial

1:11 pm – The Yoders drag Jack away from the scarecrow, telling each other that the bump on his head must have been worse than they realized. They continue on their journey and make their way to a small bunch of buildings with a lot of signs promoting quilts, hand-made furniture, and cows. A large guy wearing sun glasses, Hawaiian shirt, and shorts is questioning an Amish farmer where exactly the “on” switch is on that cow, and were exactly to plug it in. Douglas continues to drive the buggy to their destination.

1:13 pm – Chloe and Curtis roll up to a gas station, and try to very inconspicuously fill up the tank on their Harrier jet. They fill up the tank, ring up $15,000 on the gas pump, and go inside to pay. Curtis asks Chloe what they’re going to do to disable RoboEdgar without Jack around, and Chloe says she’s working on it.

1:15 pm – Manilow has resorted to pantomime to try and explain that Marwan is back, but Aaron still doesn’t respond to this at all.

1:16 pm – The attendant looks at them, looks around the store and tells them he has to get them the “locals” rate, since they’re obviously from the nearby Air Force base and not out of town. The bill comes to $150. Chloe and Curtis look at each other, shrug, and go back out to the plane. As they reach the plane, Chloe snaps her fingers, and asks Curtis to wait a minute while she runs back inside.

1:18 pm – Marwan arrives at Hollywood’s secret office, with a few thugs and blonde curly-haired man, named Janosz. Janosz looks really upset. Hollywood asks him what the problem is, and Janosz says that he’s mad that he wasn’t able to conjure up Vigo the Carpathian. Hollywood reassures him that bringing back Marwan will do just as nicely. Hollywood spends to next few minutes explaining to Marwan that he’s personally assigned RoboEdgar the jobs of getting Jack out of Los Angeles and to kill him. The first part worked great, the second, not so much. They begin discussing a new plot to take over part of Los Angeles, while we here Janosz in the background mumbling about looking out for proton packs.

1:21 pm – Bill returns from lunch and goes to talk to Audrey. She’s in a very heated argument with a lamp. Bill tells Harold that Audrey probably needs to see a doctor. Audrey starts whining really loudly as she loses the argument with the lamp. Harold suggests that perhaps a team of doctors needs to see Audrey.

Commercial

1:25 pm – Manilow gets completely frustrated with Aaron, and leaves. Aaron says, “Yeah, OK. I’ll get back to you about that. I have someone here that wants to talk to me. Goodbye.” Aaron takes out his earphone that was plugged into his cell phone and wonders where Manilow went.

1:27 pm – Audrey is loaded onto an ambulance, and it heads out for the hospital. The driver in the ambulance decides to turn off the siren, since Audrey’s crying is drowning it out.

1:28 pm – As the Yoders arrive at the small village square, a young man runs up to the buggy and hands Douglas a ticket. He tells him that when they’re done, all they have to do is show them the ticket, and someone will bring their buggy back around. The young man drives off with the buggy.

1:30 pm – Manilow calls Hollywood to tell the good news about seeing Marwan. Manilow relates the story about trying to tell the acting president what’s going on. Manilow says that he strongly suspects that if he can lead the charge to stop Marwan, he just might get to be president again. Hollywood completely freaks out at this news. He in no way wants to see Manilow as President again after yesterday’s performance. Hollywood says that he’s the one that brought Marwan back, and if anything happens to his plan, Manilow is going to pay for it. Manilow jokes that he has a good credit rating, so this should be no problem. After hanging up, Manilow realizes what Hollywood really meant.

1:33 pm – The ambulance that Audrey is riding in is swerving in and out of traffic, and finally crashes into a light pole. Audrey’s loud crying made the driver and both attendants pass out. Audrey walks out of the back of the ambulance completely unharmed.

1:35 pm – The Yoders and Jack are making their way through tourists, and pass a parade. Much to the annoyance of everyone, a cell phone goes off and a man starts talking really loudly while the parade continues. Several people try to get him to leave the area, but he ignores them.

1:36 pm – We see Marwan leave the warehouse where he had his meeting, and he drives off, just as we see Audrey walk by. They don’t notice each other. Audrey is now wandering the streets of perhaps the vilest part of town. A part of town where people assume other identities and no one thinks anything of it. A part of town where people are used and abused every day… that’s right…. She’s in Hollywood.

1:37 pm – Chloe and Curtis are back in the jet, and call CTU to find out if there is any further information about Jack. Bill answers the phone, and punches a few keys on his computer. Bill tells them that Jack probably is not in Indiana, but appears to be somewhere in central Illinois, given the trajectory of RoboEdgar when they last had them on radio. Chloe recommends that Bill order Harold to the Remedial Agent Tracking class. Bill gives them an approximate area where Jack and RoboEdgar are likely to be.
They take off in the plane.

1:40 pm – The Yoders bring Jack into a small house where the doctor is sending off a tourist with a head wrap made from opossum fur, brown paper, and vegetable oil. The doctor tells the man that it should hold until he gets to a “city-fied” doctor. The doctor, Johan Strudel, sees the Yoders and Jack arrive, and welcomes them into the house.

Commercial

1:44 pm – Chloe and Curtis land outside of Arcola, Illinois. Curtis admits to Chloe that all the wide open space without any buildings is freaking him out a little. Chloe tells Curtis that if it would make him feel better, he could go put down a perimeter. Curtis looks absolutely overjoyed at the prospect of setting up the world’s largest perimeter. Off in the distance, we can see some sort of parade going on. Chloe starts heading for the parade.

1:46 pm – Johan looks both ways to make sure no one else is around and closes the front door. He asks about Jack. They tell the doctor they found Jack in the field. Johan asks Jack what happened. Jack explains that he fell about 4999 feet and everything was fine. It was that very last foot that really, really hurt. Johan asks Jack if he knows his name, and Jack replies that the doctor is a “big silly” if the doctor doesn’t know his own name. The doctor says that he wants to know if Jack knows who he is. Jack says that he’s “Jack Bauer”. Johan turns pale.

1:49 pm – The doctor asks the Yoders if they realize who this is, and Douglas tells him that they do, and that’s why they brought Jack to the doctor. The doctor hits a button that’s hidden behind a picture and a portion of the wooden floor rises up, revealing a staircase. They all head down the staircase.

1:51 pm – Chloe reaches town, where she meets up with Curtis who looks greatly relieved to have been able to set down a perimeter after not doing so for so many hours.

1:52 pm – The basement in the doctor’s office is actually a sophisticated communications center, with many state-of-the-art computers, many television screens, and a cabinet with guns and ammunition. Johan leads them to a room off of the main communications area, and goes to a cabinet. He pulls out a vial and a syringe, and injects Jack with something. Jack passes out.

Commercial

1:56 pm – As Chloe and Curtis get to the central part of town, they stop to watch the parade. The parade consists of a small marching band, a float, and a really long line of men, three across, all pushing lawn mowers. The sign they’re carrying says “Lawn Rangers”. There must be over sixty guys pushing lawn mowers. They all suddenly stop and start doing formation patterns, all while pushing lawn mowers. Chloe tells Curtis that this is all vaguely familiar, and Curtis admits he was thinking the same thing.

1:58 pm – Chloe notices a jet plane flying toward them, and tells Curtis. Curtis thinks that it’s really strange that a single jumbo jet would be flying so low to the ground.

1:59 pm – From across the town square, Jack bursts out of the doctor’s office, shoots the cell phone out of the hand of the guy who wouldn’t shut up, and tells everyone to get down immediately. Jack runs to Chloe and Curtis and yells, “Lawn Rangers! This is a John Deere Priority One Alert!” All the guys with lawn mowers form a circle around Jack, Chloe and Curtis just as RoboEdgar, face covered with pizza sauce, lands about 100 feet away from them, and his hands have changed into guns!

2:00 pm – Time’s up!