Last Time: Julian stopped the zombies by singing songs so bad that the zombies ripped off their own heads. Julian convinced Marwan to leave with him during the middle of a pending attack on Jack on Curtis by saying that he’s looking for a cure for Marwan’s pending zombie-ness. Chloe discovered that RoboEdgar has been having pizza delivered to CTU, and sends him out to help Jack and Curtis. Jack and Curtis head somewhere north of Las Vegas in search of the Marwans, and accidentally end up at Area 51, just in time for the power to all their electrical devices to go out, and a bright white light to shine into their SUV.
The following occurred between 1 am and 2 am – Now, if you’ll pardon me, I have to finish building a tower out of these mashed potatoes.
1:00 am – Blinding white light fills the cab of the SUV. Jack and Curtis smell a strange odor, and hear a loud humming noise. Curtis tells Jack that he thinks this would probably be a good time to freak out, before their faces start to melt and then he looks over at Jack. Jack is simply putting on his sun glasses. The humming gets a lot louder, and Curtis gets a strange look on his face. He says, “Is it my imagination, or is that…” Jack nods.
1:02 am – The humming noise seems to be a tune. Curtis realizes it’s the “Ride of the Valkyries”, and the odor smells like pepperoni pizza with a mix of apple strudel. Jack says, “I hate the smell of pizza in the morning. It smells like…RoboEdgar!”
1:03 am – RoboEdgar lands on the ground, turns down the beacon he was shining into the SUV, and stops humming. He waves at Jack and Curtis, who both get out of the car. Curtis is trying to get his eye to adjust to the darkness. Jack looks at his phone and says that the battery must be dead.
1:05 am – Jack tries to get the phone to work by banging his hand on the side of it. The battery drops out of the phone. RoboEdgar reaches down, grabs the battery, and sticks it into his ear. RoboEdgar’s eyes roll around in is head a few times, a “ding” like a kitchen timer goes off, and he hands the battery back to Jack. Curtis goes to the SUV to try to get it to start. RoboEdgar pulls out a bag of chips, and starts to eat.
1:07 am – Ex-President Manilow is in a tour bus along with his contingent of followers headed down the highway. Manilow reminds the driver of the bus that he wants to take them all to a place that’s low key, subdued, and where he can be well-hidden from everything that’s been going on the last couple of days. The bus driver tells him that he has just the place and not only that, they’ve arrived! They step off the bus in… Las Vegas. Manilow slaps himself in the head, and slides his hand down his face.
Commercial
1:12 am – Somewhere in the desert, Julian, Marwan and the thugs stop at a gas station. It’s closed. Julian and the thugs break into the building and start the gas pumps so they can pump gas. Marwan gets out of the car, says that he wants something to eat, and heads into the building. The thugs see this as their big break, and try and make a run for it. Julian chases after them.
1:14 am – Jack puts the battery back into the phone, and tries to call Chloe. The phone tries to make a connection, but can’t because the reception out here is bad. “You have to have a satellite phone”, says a man in a suit that walks out of the darkness. This surprises Jack so much that he pulls his gun and points it at the man. This surprises RoboEdgar so much that he stops eating. The man doesn’t seem the least bit surprised by seeing RoboEdgar, and ignores Jack’s gun.
1:16 am – The man in the suit introduces himself as “Fox”, and asks if they’re fellow “Aliens are going to take over the world by taking over people injected with black oil”-conspiracy buffs. Jack says they are not. Fox then asks if they’re people that “believe that government has been hiding cars that run on water just to bolster their grip on the nation”-conspiracy buffs.
Jack slowly says, “Nooooo….”, and starts to back away. Fox gets really excited and says, “Are you folks who believe in the world-wide plot to take over the world by squirrels, snakes, and other creatures…..No wait, they’re headquartered in Miami”. He thinks about it, and says, “You’re not the people that believe that by buying baloney we’re going to elect a congress full of Phyllis Diller impersonators are you?”
Jack assures them that they’re not, and Fox says, “Good, because THOSE guys are really nuts”.
1:19 am – All of Manilow’s followers have finally gotten off the bus, and they’re milling around asking each other if this is the “promised land foretold by the great Manilow”. After a couple of minutes of back and forth, they decide that it’s probably just the “kinda-promised land hinted at by the great Manilow”.
1:21 am – Julian has gotten all the thugs back by yelling out lines and scenes from “The Hills Have Eyes”. They’re all walking back to the car, and the thugs are all trying to convince Julian they were just playing around. The group stops when they see Marwan standing by the car, with two Evergreen car air-fresheners hanging from his ears.
1:23 am – Julian speaks slowly, and asks Marwan what he has on his ears. Marwan seems a little out of it, and says that he just wanted to freshen up a little. Julian tells everyone to get back into the car. They drive off. Marwan grabs one of the air fresheners and starts munching on it.
1:25 am – Fox asks Jack what they’re all doing out there. Jack tells him that they’re with CTU, and they’ve been trying to follow terrorists. Jack asks to borrow Fox’s phone, and he makes a phone call to Chloe. He tells her the situation, and she tells him that she’s got a lead that says they need to head to Las Vegas to a plumbing convention. Curtis comes over and says that the SUV won’t start. Fox tells Jack that he can drive them back into town, but that “the robot is going to have to fly”. Curtis starts to ask Fox why he’s not bothered by RoboEdgar, and thinks better of it.
1:27 am – Jack tells Fox that Curtis better drive, because he’s got excellent high-speed driving skills. Fox says, “Trust me, you’ll get there fast”.
Commercial
1:32 am – We see an abandoned factory near the outskirts of Las Vegas. We can tell that because there’s a sign in the parking lot that says, “Abandoned Factory Near the Outskirts of Las Vegas, Inc.”. Suddenly, we hear a loud roar. Wind blows papers in the parking lot everywhere. Out of the sky, we see Fox’s car floating down from above. The base of the car has a ring of lights that strobe on and off.
1:33 am – The car lands, and Fox calmly asks if that was fast enough for them. Jack and Curtis have looks of shear terror on their faces. Fox mumbles to himself that “this always happens”. They start driving in a more conventional manner towards the convention.
1:34 am – Elsewhere in Las Vegas, one of the men with a particularly bad toupee in Manilow’s group starts gushing to Manilow about how he had no idea that Manilow had such great singing capabilities. Manilow looks at him as if he had asked if he could mambo dogface in the banana patch. Realizing Manilow’s confusion, he points up at a sign, and then asks if he can be excused because he really does have to mambo dogface in the banana patch. The sign says, “Tonight Only: MANILOW!”
1:37 am – Fox drives towards town as Curtis and Jack slowly start coming out of their stupors. Fox asks Jack where they need to be heading, and Jack tells him a name of a hotel on the strip. Curtis asks where Fox got a car like this, and Fox tells him he has “some little friends that helped me install the extras”.
1:39 am – Julian finally pulls up to a gate in an area with a forest. The sign says, “Closed”. One of the thugs in the back seat says, “How can a forest be closed?”, and Marwan turns around and shoots him. The other thugs freak out, and jump out of the car. Julian calmly reminds Marwan that if he keeps shooting people, they’re going to run out of thugs again. Marwan mumbles, “Oh yeah…. Less brains…”, but Julian doesn’t hear it.
1:42 am – Ex-President Manilow has finally gotten his group of followers inside of the hotel. He goes to the check-in counter, and asks for his room key, since he was obviously been expected. The clerk appears really confused as he looks up “Manilow”. The clerk’s eyes widen while he reads the screen. He hands Manilow a room key card, apologizes for the inconvenience, and asks for an autograph, which Manilow happily gives.
1:44 am – Manilow opens up his arms wide as he turns to address his followers, but they’ve all run off into the hotel. A little old lady with a bucket of quarters is right near Manilow as he turns, and she kicks him right in the shins. Manilow heads off upstairs to his room.
1:46 am – Fox arrives at the hotel with Curtis and Jack. RoboEdgar hasn’t arrived yet. There are signs for both a plumbing convention and a hot dog convention in the building. Just as the car pulls up to the door, Fox’s phone goes off, playing the music from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”. He answers the phone, listens, and then tells Jack and Curtis that he has to leave now. He has some “visitors” that he has to go meet right away. Jack and Curtis thank Fox, and he drives away. Jack and Curtis enter the building.
Commercial
1:52 am – Manilow makes it upstairs to his floor, and tries to slide the key card in the door, but it doesn’t work. He tries it again, and still doesn’t work. Then he slides it through there about 56 times in a row, and finally the door unlocks from the inside, and someone opens the door. It’s Barry Manilow!
1:53 am – Barry Manilow takes one look at the ex-president and punches him right in the face! Barry says, “You’ve nearly ruined my career!” and punches him again! The ex-president runs down the hallway and into the elevator.
1:54 am – Curtis and Jack flash their badges at the guard outside the booth area of the plumbing convention, and go in. They go to a company listing on the wall, and look up “Hokey Pokey Toilet Company”. They run over to where the booth is, and there’s no evidence that anything has been set up. Jack pulls out his phone, and calls Chloe.
1:55 am – Jack tells Chloe that Hokey Pokey never made it to Las Vegas, and wants to know what to do next. Chloe tells him that while they were en-route to Las Vegas, she was able to find out that the Marwans actually headed to the Grand Canyon. She tells Jack that she told RoboEdgar about this as soon as she found out, and he flew after them. She tells Jack she’s worried about RoboEdgar.
1:56 am – Jack and Curtis race out of the convention area into the lobby, just as the elevators open. Manilow is still holding his face from where he got bopped in the nose when he sees Jack and Curtis in the lobby. He freaks out and starts pressing “Door Close”. The elevator door closes. Jack and Curtis don’t notice him as they race outside.
1:58 am – Curtis asks Jack how in the heck they’re going to get to the Grand Canyon without a car. Jack points towards a large vehicle used for the hot dog convention and says, “We’re taking THAT!”
1:59 am – Curtis and Jack are driving with lightning speed down the Las Vegas strip and have commandeered the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, and they’re singing “Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener!”
2:00 am – Time’s up!