Month: February 2007

Note I post these on Dave Barry’s Blog each week, and rehost them here on my own blog. You can read all the live blog comments on Dave’s blog. Join in! It’s fun! (And yes, I’m the “Steve”, they’re referring to).

PREVIOUSLY ON “24” – We found out that: Jack’s dad has really strict rules about letting his grandson out to get soft drinks; Lennox’s assistant Reed is still trying really hard to get out of his electrical closet and get an office upgrade; after she forgot how to run away earlier, Jack needed to tell Marilyn to “point and shoot” her gun, in case she messed up and accidentally “shot and pointed”; Jack’s dad doesn’t like heartfelt speeches, because he ran away instead of listening to Jack; President Manilow is trying to look more manly now, but it hasn’t helped.

The following summary took place between 4 pm and 5 pm:

4:00 pm – Fayed is driving in the back of a disguised Best Buy delivery truck talking to Gredenko about a shipment from Nevada. Fayed is really anxious to get things set up. Gredenko says it’s going to be a few more shows until the advanced pinball machine technology they’re using will be ready to set up. Gredenko tells his thug that Fayed is living in the dark ages, and from what the lighting inside of that van looked like, I think he was right.

4:01 pm – Either President Wayne is extremely tall, or a munchkin just came in and told him that “The Ambassador” is ready to meet him. “The Ambassador” tells Wayne that he’s just SHOCKED about the things that have happened today, and that he looks a lot more Indian than Arabic. Assad and “The Ambassador” exchange words, none of them very nice, but they do fall short of the four letter variety. Assad does call “The Ambassador” by the name “Your Excellency”, but looks like he really wanted to settle for “The Mildly Impressive”. Assad excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Wayne tells “The Ambassador” that he’s arranged for some airtime on national TV for Assad, and that he wants their Prime Minister to back him up. If he doesn’t, he’s got a aircraft carrier that’ll bomb them back to the stone age, which “The Ambassador” says will be a step up.

4:06 pm – At CTU, Nadia gives the status on Gredenko’s house for which there is no status. Morris can’t even give decent status because he’s become horribly confused about the whole “telephone” thing, and needs more time. Fortunately, we’re saved from these non-events by Jack calling Bill.

4:07 pm – Jack gives in to his fear of elevators by going down about 20 flights of stairs while simultaneously telling Bill to set up a FIVE BLOCK perimeter around the hotel to try and catch his father, who is apparently not perimeter-ready. Jack tells Bill that former President Manilow has information about Gredenko. Jack says he’ll need a helicopter, preferably not one that’s recently fallen off a building. Bill tells Jack that President Manilow screamed like a baby and after the other prisoners complained, he brokered a deal to get out of prison and is at a retreat. The retreat is conveniently nearby, and so is the helicopter they’re sending for Jack.

4:09 pm – Marilyn asked Jack what happened, amazed at the total lack of bullet holes in her son Josh or in Jack. Jack says tells Josh that he’ll explain what happened to him later, and since Josh has played a lot of Halo 2 and Unreal Tournament, he doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary about what happened and agrees. Jack tells a Curtis replacement to take Josh and Marilyn back to CTU, where nothing ever happens.

4:11 pm – Downstairs in the presidential bunker, a well dressed man passes a briefcase to a guard in plain sight of all the other guards, walks through a metal detector, without taking off his shoes or putting anything in clear plastic bags… and no one seems suspicious about this in the least. He finally passes the briefcase to another guard who proceeds to go through the briefcase and finds a yellow marker. The guard proceeds to start coloring in his coloring book, and when he’s satisfied with the results, puts the marker away again. The well dressed man’s name is “Mr. Carson”, who says he’s a “policy analyst” who is there for “civil defense policies”, neglecting to mention he’s going to try and test out those civil defense policies in a very uncivil way pretty soon. The guard gives Carson a keepsake of his voice to remember him by and then lets Reed and Carson through.

4:12 pm – Reed tells Carson about Lennox, and about his plan to take over Lennox’s office once President Wayne is dead. They go in to see Lennox, who appears to be trying to pole dance on a steam pipe. Carson doesn’t like this one bit because that was going to be HIS pole, so they move Lennox into a chair. It’s good to see the presidential bunker has tons of duct tape available, probably from the duct tape and plastic sheet terrorist directives from a few years ago. Anyway, Carson really lobbies to have Lennox killed, but Reed says that Lennox is just the sort of sleazy weasel they could use later. Carson says he doesn’t want to risk himself counting on Lennox following along with the plan, and Reed steps up and says that that’s a risk HE’S willing to take. Carson doesn’t see the flaw in this logic. Reed says that they’re not THAT kind of cold-blooded killers anyway, they’re more the “Really High Profile” cold-blooded killer types. They plan on getting President Wayne and Assad bombed within the next half an hour or so… the “fall down and go boom” kind, with emphasis on the “boom”.

Commercial

4:17 pm – Reed uses his evil e-mail abilities to send a message from Lennox’s computer to Melinda, the munchkin that talked to Wayne earlier.

4:18 pm – Morris and Chloe exchange nonsense technical jargon for a few minutes, and then argue about Morris’ drinking habits, which, I think would be justified had he not just been tortured by a large drill a few hours earlier. Chloe really presses it, and Morris finally babbles a bit more technical jargon and leaves. Chloe grabs his PocketPC handheld, which is running videos using TCPMP, and magically checks his phone log through it. Nadia comes over and asks Chloe where Morris is. Chloe says that they’re short handed, and that Morris’s juggling will suffer because of it, but they’re trying to help him out. She leaves Nadia with a look on her face that says someone didn’t invite her to the juggling show later, and says she’s going to watch Morris pretty carefully. Chloe tries to call Morris’ AA-sponsor, but gets her voice mail. Chloe says to call her back at (310) 597-3781. Bill tells Nadia that Jack is America’s last best hope.

4:20 pm – Jack lands at ex-President Manilow’s house, who seems remarkably informed about everything that’s been happening today even though he is still trapped in his house from last season. Manilow is wearing his checked flannel shirt to make himself look manlier. Manilow says he wants to help, with no conditions. He tries to convince Jack not to use official channels to find out about Gredenko. (Has Jack ever hesitated NOT to use official channels?) Manilow says that if Jack tries to confirm with Markov at the Russian consulate, he’s going to end up in a maze of twisty passages, all alike, or worse. Manilow says that Jack has to go through “back channels”, and Jack tells him he’s seen Brokeback Mountain, and he’s not interested. Manilow says that’s not what he means; what he really wants to do is call on Markov at the consulate and get the information himself. Jack says he doesn’t trust Manilow, and instead of saying “Duh!”, Manilow says he should start learning to trust more.

Commercial

4:28 pm – Jack calls President Wayne to break the news that he’s been talking to President Manilow, and urges him not to be jealous of that. Instead, Jack tells him that Manilow needs a furlough by executive order to go see Markov. President Wayne asks Jack if he realizes what that means. You’d think that Wayne would jump at this chance, considering Jack track records with passengers lately. Wayne thinks that Manilow might try and get away. Jack says that it’ll be ok because he’ll be on the security detail that goes into the consulate, and besides, Manilow runs like a girl anyway. Jack says that this is the only way that they’ll find Gredenko and the bombs. Wayne points out that “Gredenko and The Bombs” would be a good name for a rock band, and asks to speak with Manilow.

4:29 pm – Manilow tells Wayne that he has “a past” with Markov, and that he’s the best one for the job. Wayne says that if Manilow tries to make a run for it, they’ll tape the whole thing and put it on America’s Funniest Presidential Arrests. Manilow points out that several years ago, Wayne’s brother, President All-State, helped Manilow out and all he wants to do is help Wayne out now. Wayne doesn’t look too excited about this considering what happened to his brother, but finally agrees. Manilow tells Jack that he might not be the same man that Jack hated for so long. Jack says that if he’s got an evil twin that’s running around named Lore, that would completely fit into the whole “Star Trek” theme this season.

4:31 pm – A truck arrives and Gredenko opens the side to find a military drone, which he says that the American taxpayer has purchased, which means that it costs millions of dollars, and could be found for $1.89 on the Internet.

4:32 pm – At CTU, Bill is having yet another meeting, because he hasn’t had one in a while and was getting lonely. Bill gives a recap for anyone that hasn’t been watching for the last half hour. Bill tells Morris to hand over his work, and Morris stands up to give a speech about how he’s sorry for the whole “giving a trigger to the terrorists”. Bill agrees to give Morris his work back, over Nadia’s objections. I think she’s still upset about not getting that invitation to the juggling show Chloe told her about.

4:33 pm –Reed enters the electrical room again, under the not-so watchful eye of the Secret Service who don’t seem to be the least bit concerned with that room in the bunker.

Commercial

4:39 pm – Nadia can just not give Morris any slack, and goes to ask Chloe about “missing vectors”. Chloe covers for him and goes to talk to Morris. Morris says the vectors will be in his final report and tells her that “part me wants to go home, crawl into bed and forget this day ever happened”. I think we can all agree with that.

4:40 pm – Back at Manilow’s house, we see his television has been downgraded. He goes out to get his Presidential dress-up clothes. He quotes from Psalm 40, and somewhere a voice says “They’re so depressing”.

4:41 pm – We see that Jack, in addition to everything else he can do, is a quick change artist, because he’s now in a suit. He doesn’t look at all comfortable in it, because it’s probably (yeeech) one of Manilow’s suits. Jack is on the phone with Bill getting information on Markov, who Jack will probably be shooting really soon now. Bill calls Chloe to tell her to get everything arranged.

4:42 pm – Chloe takes a phone call from his AA-sponsor, and it turns out that she left several years earlier. Morris has been lying! Imagine that. I’m shocked. Really. Someone on the show staff is, I’m sure, because they play some really dramatic “Morris was lying music”. Chloe goes all over looking for him.

4:44 pm – Chloe runs into the men’s room to find out something that’s been on women’s minds everywhere: What does the inside of a men’s room really look like? Morris looks completely horrified that Chloe is in the room, and tells her that he has a NEW sponsor. Some guy tries to enter the bathroom, and Chloe tells him to hold it. She watches to make sure Morris washes his hands, and leaves. Morris pulls out a bottle of fake television whiskey and pours it out.

4:46 pm – The Presidential Munchkin hands Wayne the executive order to authorize Manilow’s release, and tells him that they’re actually going to rehearse for Assad’s speech. Wayne tells her to make sure that Lennox is there because he always does something good for the blooper reel.

4:47 pm – Back in Reed’s electrical closet, Lennox coughs through his duct tape. He looks disgusted that what he just coughed up is now stuck to the tape. Reed tries to make nice, and Lennox tries to tell him he’s just like Fayed. This doesn’t make Reed too happy. It turns out that the yellow and red markers that guard checked are actually EXPLOSIVE markers, and the tape recorder is a bomb too! That guard better not crumble up that paper, or they’ll get the idea something funny is going on when it explodes. Carson gives Reed instructions on how to set the bomb off remotely by entering numbers into a PDA.

Commercial

4:53 pm – To fill time until the top of the hour, Reed takes the long way around to the studio where Wayne and Assad are going to be practicing. Reed puts the explosive recorder at the podium as Wayne and Assad enter the room. They take a bit of time and exchange a bit of ironic banter about “taking risks”, and then launch into a bit of political speech. As Assad goes to the podium, Wayne seems to think the fact that Lennox, who is usually never more than five feet away, isn’t around is a bit weird.

4:57 pm – Back in the electrical room, Lennox sees a lever, hits it with his foot, and sends the pipe into the red zone. Carson notices and turns it off, and gives Lennox some extra duct tape.

4:59 pm – Reed enters the numbers into the device, which triggers the device to release some of the red liquid inside of it. Assad notices the red liquid, and since he’s done about a thousand of these bombs before, yells “Bomb”, dives for President Wayne and the podium blows up in a kind of spectacular fiberboard explosion. Lots of secret service guys go into the room. They find President Wayne! He’s got Presidential blood all over him!

5:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: PRESIDENT WAYNE HAS BORG TUBES IN HIM! VICE-PRESIDENT NOAH IS GOING TO TAKE OVER! REED TRIES TO PROTECT LENNOX! MANILOW DOESN’T GET SQUAT OUT OF MARKOV! JACK IS IN AN EMBASSY WITH A GUN! WE ALL REMEMBER HOW THINGS ENDED UP LAST TIME HE DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT! JACK THREATENS MARKOV WITH A CIGAR CUTTER!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

I finally got around to collecting all the links so far for my summaries of season six of “24”.

You can see the “24” Season Six summary page here.

Last time on “24”: We found out that: Jack’s father, Philip, asked Marilyn to call him Susan, which is bound to surprise the whole family; Susan is working to simplify the inheritance math by plotting to kill his grandson Josh; Josh has no idea his grandfather might now want to be called Grandmother; putting Reid in a basement office really made him mad; resigning during a big crisis seems to be standard operating procedure in President Wayne’s White house; the scary special effect the blew up a few episodes ago is getting a lot more mileage by being shown onscreen more than Kumar did, probably because it has a better agent; Gredenko spelled sideways is Tancredo.

The following summary occurred between 3 pm and 4 pm:

3:00 pm – Jack excitedly runs up to a burning UPS truck, only to realize it’s a CTU van disguised as a UPS truck. He immediately calls Bill to let them know that Federal Express seems to be at work here. Jack tells Bill that Milo and Marilyn are being pursued by “hostiles”, which is Jack Code for “soon to be dead guys”

3:03 pm – Milo runs with Marilyn and disguises them both as a dumpster, which completely baffles the thugs that were chasing them. One of the thugs makes a phone call to Jack’s dad, and informs him that Jack is dead, and that Marilyn escaped. He tries to draw Milo out by saying that Milo doesn’t look like a field agent. Milo nearly yells that he’s better than Edgar, but stops himself.

3:05 pm – The dumpster disguise isn’t as good as they thought. Milo devises a plan where he’ll shoot and Marilyn runs. Milo remembers his part, and Marilyn forgets hers, yelling “line!” to someone off camera. It appears that the whole terrorist plan is to disable CTU by hurting all the analysts in their typing arms, because the thugs shoot Milo in his right forearm. Just as Milo is about to be shot in a very painful way, Jack shoots two of the bad guys in a very painful way first. The last remaining thug improvises a Marilyn shield to keep Jack away. When Jack says he’ll shoot, the thug decides that lead poisoning is a bad way to die and gives up.

3:06 pm – Jack does a quick field analysis, decides that Milo will be OK, and goes over to hold Marilyn against the wall by her throat. Marilyn lets Jack know it was his father’s men that were after them and that Josh would have been killed. Jack is shocked. He realizes that Marilyn called his father “Susan” on the phone, and he’s not prepared for that. He recovers quickly, and gets the information from Marilyn about where Gredenko’s house is. Jack calls Bill to tell him that he’ll need a full tactical kit, Milo is whimpering about one little bullet hole in his arm, to send a team to get Gredenko, and that he’s going to take a little personal time.

Commercial

3:14 pm – Chloe goes to talk to Morris, and suggests that he talk to a shrink or to his sponsor, but Morris refuses. Nadia informs them both that Milo was shot and he’s up for a medal. Morris points out that he had a 3/8” DRILL in his arm, and now he’s mad.

3:16 pm – Jack asks Marilyn to call Philip, and she’s a little apprehensive that Josh might be killed. Jack says that “he’ll do everything in his power” to get Josh back, which is not a good sign for Josh.

3:17 pm – Philip starts to try and talk to Josh about what a great evil mastermind Gray was last season, but Josh doesn’t want to hear about it. Josh goes back to watching the local perky news team explain what nuclear fallout might do to those picnic dinners people have planned for the weekend.

3:18 pm – The bad guy that Jack captured calls Jack’s father and explains everything, except the part that he’s captured. Philip asks to talk to Marilyn. At first Philip is upset that Marilyn didn’t call him “Susan”, but they get past that. She tells him that she wants to see Josh, and they argue on the phone. During a commercial, Josh gets up to listen to what his grandfather is saying on the phone. Philip tells Susan that he can’t see the future for her or Josh. Marilyn seems really astonished now, since first Philip wanted to be called “Susan”, and how he claims he can see the future. Josh picks up on the whole “I’m going to kill Josh” theme, and seems pretty sure that “kill Josh” doesn’t mean “go get some lunch at Burger King later”. Marilyn hands the phone back to the thug. Philip tells the thug to bring Marilyn to where he’s staying.

3:20 pm – Josh asks to go get a soft drink from a vending machine, and goes to leave. Philip pulls a gun on him, letting him know about his strict “always order from room service” rule. Philip says, “No one’s life is worth the destruction of everything I’ve built”, which is coincidently Microsoft’s secret company motto.

Commercial

3:25 pm – Back in the electrical closet that Reed calls an office, Lennox returns with a TPS report with President Wayne’s schedule. Reed tells Lennox that all he needs to do is to let someone in the back way, and that person will “carry the ball”. Lennox quickly translates this from Reed’s native Weasel to English, and realizes this means “kill President Wayne”. Reed tells Lennox that they’ve got a “security specialist” (Weasel speak for “hired killer”) coming, and they’re going to blame the whole thing on Assad, and no one will be the wiser. Except briefly, for Wayne… and probably Assad.

3:27 pm – Lennox goes to talk to President Wayne, who’s putting the finishing touches on Assad’s speech. Nice to know that on a day like today, Wayne has time to write speeches for other people. Must be a hobby. Anyway, Lennox decides that he’ll be snotty to the president one last time, and Wayne tries to apologize. Doesn’t seem a good enough of an apology to Lennox, because he doesn’t tell Wayne about his impending doom. They sit down to read Wayne’s speech which has magically gone from the computer screen to written form in Wayne’s notebook.

3:28 pm – At Gredenko’s hideout, they’re STILL working on getting a new pattern programmed for the remaining nukes. I think this would have taken Chloe no time at all to do, so Gredenko must be working with a rank amateur.

3:29 pm – Morris is either at the CTU liquor store, or he’s gone out to buy a pack of cigarettes and a Red Bull. If he did go outside, he must have gotten over his fear of kidnapping and power drills, or he’s read ahead a little in the script. He also buys a scotch whiskey, which must be “Scotch” as in “McDonald’s”, because he throws up right away. He starts to cry, Chloe calls him to come back, he stops crying, and as soon as he’s off the phone, he starts crying again, but takes a breath mint to calm himself down. That arm must still really hurt a lot.

3:30 pm – Jack arrives at the garage of the hotel, and tells Marilyn to get dressed in a slinky bulletproof vest. Jack doesn’t wear one because…. Well, because he’s Jack. He gets the thug they had stored in the back seat, and they head upstairs.

Commercial

3:36 pm – Morris heads back into CTU, noticing that Milo is back. He asks Milo how he’s doing, nearly decides to compare scars, but decides not to. Morris goes back to work.

3:37 pm – Wayne butters up Lennox some more, telling him that his suggestions for Assad’s speech are pretty good, especially all the deletions of “death to the infidels”. Lennox leaves to talk to Reed back in Reed’s electrical closest. Reed really presses for the clearance for this “security specialist”, which Lennox says he’ll do. Reed leaves, and Lennox makes a phone call to the head Secret Service agent at the bunker! He’s going to try and help Wayne! Lennox tells the agent that he’s going to go see him. As he opens the door, we find out that Reed is not only the sort of guy that would try and get President Wayne killed, but he also listens through doors to people’s private phone conversations! This guy has no shame. He barrels through the door and knocks Lennox to the ground, they argue briefly, and Reed knocks him out. Reed steals Lennox’s phone, calls someone to let them know that Lennox doesn’t need to meet with the head Secret Service agent. Reed has sunk to a new low…. Now he’s stealing other people’s airtime minutes.

3:39 pm – At CTU, they’re having another meeting to find out why they’re always having meetings. They also discuss the house where Gredenko is probably hiding. Chloe and Morris go to reset a backup module, which is needed for an operation that’s about to take place in two minutes. “Reset a backup module” is Chloe talk meaning “I smelled alcohol on Morris’ breath.” and now she’s going to tell Bill. Morris convinces her not to tell on him.

3:42 pm – The operation is about to start, and the tactical CTU guys are all ready to go. No sign of Jack, which does not bode well for the tactical CTU guys. They go through the house, not finding anything.

3:43 pm – Jack is headed up the staircase to the hotel room, and gets a message from CTU about Gredenko not being at the house. They go into the room, only to find it open, and not in the least bit suspicious. No sign of Philip or Josh. The phone rings, and its Jack’s dad. It turns out that Philip is across the street in other building! He’s got Josh on the roof for some fresh air, at gunpoint. Josh must really not like fresh air.

3:44 pm – Jack and Philip argue. Jack tries to convince Philip to give himself up because, hey, just maybe the government will overlook the whole “a nuclear weapon went off today” thing. Jack finally convinces him to let Josh go by exchanging himself as the hostage.

Commercial

3:51 pm – Milo tries to get some sympathy from Chloe, but it doesn’t work. Milo asks about the whiskey on Morris’ breath. Chloe says that Morris didn’t “metabolize” the alcohol yet. Milo REALLY wants to tell Bill, but Chloe gives him a look at that says she’ll metabolize a taser on Milo if Bill finds out, and convinces him she’ll say something if Morris isn’t really OK.

3:52 pm – Jack and Marilyn discuss their plan in a stairwell that I’m sure is heavily soundproofed so Jack’s dad can’t hear a thing. Jack gives Marilyn a gun saying it’s just like a mouse, but instead of “point and click”, she can “point and shoot”. Jack tells her NOT to call CTU.

3:53 pm – Jack goes up the staircase and yells that he’s unarmed, when clearly he’s got two under each shoulder. He finds his dad in another room on the roof. Philip tells Jack to put one foot in, while Josh puts one foot out and to keep doing that until Josh leaves, or they both finish doing to Hokey Pokey.

3:54 pm – Josh runs to his mother, and they both run downstairs.

3:55 pm – Philip says that Gredenko blackmailed him by watching last season and figuring out that he was involved in President Palmer’s death. Gredenko told Philip that he wanted to keep around some of the bombs for special occasions like weddings and tail gate parties. Philip gave him the bombs that were supposed to be destroyed. Jack points out that his father wouldn’t be in the trouble he’s in, if he didn’t try to cover it up. Philip tells Jack that if he just would have turned to the dark side, everything would have been OK. Then he calls Jack a “civil servant”! Jack starts to point out that he’s a “civil servant with a license to kill”, but stops himself.

3:57 pm – Philip tells Jack to get on his knees. Jack makes a really heartfelt speech about how he had to go his own way, how he never meant to turn his back on the family, and that he was sorry. Jack waits a little while, starts to yell, and then realizes he just apologized to an empty room. He runs outside to look for his father and finds a phone on the ledge! The phone number listed is (310) 597-3781. (I called it; it’s some kind of “24” hotline). It’s hard to tell if Jack’s upset about making the speech to thin air, or happy about finding the phone.

3:59 pm – Jack calls the phone number, and he’s talking with PRESIDENT MANILOW! He’s butched up! A beard and everything! He tells Jack to meet him alone! As soon as possible!

4:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: JACK STARES DOWN MANILOW! DUCT TAPE FINALLY SHUTS UP LENNOX! IT LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO INJECT WAYNE WITH PEPSI! HE’S A COCA-COLA MAN! THEY’RE GOING TO BOMB WAYNE!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!