Month: March 2007

Previously on “24”, we learned that: AUDREY IS DEAD! Well, she might be dead. Right now Jack thinks she’s dead, but it probably just means she faked her own death to get back at Jack for faking HIS death last season. It would just be like Audrey to get the nation’s hopes up like that, and turn around and show up just to torment us later.
In addition to that news, we also learned that Jack thought it would be Big Trouble if he blew up a nuclear weapon in San Francisco Bay, so he crash landed it instead. Oh, and Noah is a crazy person.

The following summary occurred between 8 pm and 9 pm:

8:00 pm – Jack tells the emergency crew working on the remote control drone pilot to be sure that he stays alive. Mike tells Jack about the teensy tiny problem of nuclear fallout, warns him not to step in anything that’s glowing, and runs off to see about the computers that were shot. One of the EMT guys tells Jack that the drone pilot was exposed to large amounts of PowerPoint slides on the computer he was using, and before he died he wanted to thank Jack for shooting him to end that misery. Jack calls Bill, and Bill tells him about Noah’s big plans to drop a nuclear weapon within the hour. They both decide it would be a good idea to find Gredenko before then.

8:02 pm – Gredenko works on his “Can You Hear Me Now” impression using his phone, but doesn’t have a phone plan that reaches the underworld, so he can’t reach the remote control drone pilot. Fayed is really upset that San Francisco is still San Francisco, and not the Nuclear Wasteland Formerly Know As San Francisco.

8:05 pm – Gredenko calls Mark, the guy he got the security codes from. Gredenko says that the last security codes just made all the garage doors in the neighborhood go up at the same time, and what he really needed was the access codes for the weapons. Mark hangs up, and feeds his mentally-challenged brother, Brady, who Mark is taking care of. It turns out that Brady has a rider in his contract just like rock bands, and he refuses to eat any red food. It turns out that he’s a real computer wiz too, since that’s how Mark got the security codes. Mark is one swell guy.

8:07 pm – Gredenko and Fayed leave in a completely inconspicuous dark car, and completely conspicuous U-Haul van.

8:08 pm – Milo is watching Nadia’s videos on YouTube, plotting how she can be TraitorGirl15, the next big viral video on the Internet. Bill says that Nadia is going to be tried as an enemy combatant. Bill says the proof is that she’s the only one in the whole world that could have possibly used her computer to stream information to Gredenko because everyone else in the entire world is completely aware of every single thing their computers do while they’re being used.

8:08 pm – Chloe calls Bill over and tells him that in an amazing plot development, that surprises everyone at CTU, they’ve already figured out that Mark is a traitorous weasel who has been helping Gredenko.

8:09 pm – One of Mike’s guys, Kyle, finding only a small plot device that was on remote drone pilot’s computer, figures out that Nadia is completely innocent of all charges against her. He springs into action and uses it to even the score with Mike for the mysterious “Denver” incident, whatever that is, and gives Mike the small plot device! Jack walks in, and it turns out the next guy they’re going to get to shoot is just a few miles away! This makes the second really, really bad guy very close to CTU in just two shows. Jack invites Mike to come along for all the shooting that’s about to happen, but Mike decides to stay behind, and gives that small plot device a great big squeeze.

Commercial

8:14 pm – In an effort to scare Wayne completely awake, Sandra is standing right by the window in case he wakes up even a little bit. Karen walks in and gives Sandra a big hug, frisking her for any long speeches she might have written for this occasion. Karen cuts the small talk, lets Sandra know about Noah’s crazy nuclear bomb ideas, and asks her to wake up Wayne. Sandra says that if she does that, they won’t know what state Wayne will be in when he wakes up. Karen says that she just wants him woken up, and that Wayne doesn’t have Hiro Nakamura’s abilities anyway, so there’s no chance he would just show up in a different state. Karen insists that Sandra needs to wake up Wayne, and asks WWWD? Sandra agrees to talk to the doctors.

8:16 pm – Back in the Planning Room of Death, Noah is getting a briefing on how to bomb a country that’s basically in the stone age back to the pre-stone age, and boy he’s excited about it. Lennox expresses his displeasure about that by making lots of faces and chewing on his pen, which everyone ignores. Evil Lisa comes in to hand Noah a note. Evil Lisa looks like she could be part of some weird invasion, so it’s probably good that Assad is dead, because he might have recognized her as an alien, since he had previous experience with that sort of thing. Anyway, the note says that Sandra’s about to wake up Wayne. Noah points at the note and says, “This is Karen Hayes”. Evil Lisa says, no, that’s a piece of paper. Noah calls the doctor.

8:18 pm – In Wayne’s room, the doctor gives Sandra and Karen the big news: Wayne’s condition is completely unchanged. The doctor takes a call from Noah. Noah’s gone completely paranoid and accuses the doctor of being in on “the plot” to subvert his policies. The doctor says that with all due respect, there hasn’t been a coherent plot for many hours now, and he doesn’t see that changing any time soon. The doctor finally tells Noah, “You’re not the boss of me”. Noah responds to this by telling the doctor he’s going to nail something unmentionable here on a family blog to a wall, and hangs up.

8:21 pm – Outside Mark’s House of Espionage, Jack’s got a positive ID on Mark, so they go in shooting. This completely freaks Brady out. Jack’s seen Rain Man fifty-seven times, so he’s the one that goes in to talk to Brady. Brady tells Jack that he’s trying to get through a firewall and setup a proxy server port. Jack’s reaction is EXACTLY the same as when Chloe tells him that sort of thing: He gets a glazed look on his face and says, “Oh”. Jack goes over to talk to Mike. Mike says he’s been selling security specs on a nuclear power plant to Gredenko.

8:23 pm – Mike and his second in command arrive at CTU, where they tell Bill that all the computers were “all complicated and stuff”. Mike asks about Nadia, and Bill tells him that she’s in a holding facility. Bill asks Mike why he wanted to know that, and Mike makes up an excuse that he might want to ask Nadia out for a date, but Bill ignores this. Milo comes up to tell Bill that Jack is on the phone. Jack informs Bill they’re going to use Brady to try and catch Gredenko when he comes to get the information about the power plant.

Commercial

8:28 pm – Jack brings Brady to Mark. Mark tells Brady to do whatever Jack wants him to do, and that Jack will take care of him. Mark calls Gredenko and tells him that Brady will have the security specs in the parking lot across the street, but neglects to tell him that Jack will be there with him with a large gun.

8:32 pm – Mike’s second in command who we learn is named Kyle. Kyle turns out to be an especially sleazy weasel, because he tells Milo that Mike has evidence that Nadia is completely innocent! Milo tears off his own arm sling, which he has been using to get sympathy from everyone, and pushes Milo around. In several plot twists that take place within about 10 seconds, it turns out that Mike gave Morris the small plot device. Bill says this is all very confusing, and finds it weird that there are so many people here that have names that start with letters in the middle of the alphabet. He suggests that people with names at the beginning of the alphabet are cool too, but everyone ignores him when Morris points out that the small plot device is real. Bill tells everyone to get back to work, and Milo apologizes to Mike for nearly letting Mike kill him with his bare hands.

Commercial

8:38 pm – Bill has Nadia uncuffed. He tells her that they found evidence that her workstation had been breached, and that she’s clear. She says that she’s actually opaque, and gets up to leave. Bill immediately starts using his mind powers to tell her what she’s thinking: That she’s going to quit and take legal action, but that she wants her to stay because they really need people to stay until the end of the season.

8:40 pm – Milo’s working on Nadia’s workstation when Chloe comes over to point that that Milo has a crush on Nadia. Nadia comes over and tries to point out that CTU isn’t the best place to start a relationship, what with all the gas canisters and shootings that tend to happen around there. Milo counters this with a very awkward to watch kiss. Even the camera guys had to pull back and show them from across the room. It was that awkward.

8:42 pm – Back at Wayne manor, Karen found the time to go get a half double decaffeinated half-caf with a twist of lemon for herself and Sandra. Sandra says she doesn’t like waiting, but recognizes that a lot of exciting stuff happens near the top of the hour, so she says she’ll have to wait. Sandra says that David Palmer had the patience of Job, and Karen tells her that she didn’t realize Job was a doctor. Sandra says, “Patience, not patients!”, but Karen ignores this when the doctor comes in. The doctor says that there has been some intracranial swelling, and if this continues, Wayne will get brain damage, and become a writer for “The Simple Life”. Sandra decides to take a chance and tells him that they need to wait, to see if they can keep Noah from carrying out his evil plan. In some impeccable timing, Wayne makes his machine go ping, which causes the doctor and nursing staff start looking around for some junior mints to see if that will help. One of the nurses makes a phone call to get a team of doctors into Wayne’s room, because they’re occupied with other REALLY important patients elsewhere.

8:44 pm – Jack consults with one of his tactical guys about what to do with Brady. Jack gives Brady one of the new microscopic iPods and puts it into Brady’s ear so that he and Brady can communicate. They go outside to meet with Gredenko. Jack sets up a perimeter with lots of tactical guys, but doesn’t have to call it a perimeter, because he’s Jack.

8:46 pm – Brady waits across the street from his house, and one of the tactical guys has his radio on MUCH too loudly. Jack looks like he wants to shoot him, but Gredenko drives up, so that’ll have to wait. Gredenko gets out of the car, and suddenly everyone realizes they’ve set up all the tactical guys on the wrong side of the street because no one has a clear shot at Gredenko. Brady gives Gredenko a USB drive. While Gredenko downloads the information into his laptop, he proves he’s a complete jerk by telling his men to shoot Brady as soon as the information is done downloading. Jack hears this, and tells Brady to hit the ground as soon as he can. The information gets done downloading, and Gredenko gives the order to kill Brady. After a tense moment where Brady doesn’t immediately hit the ground, he finally does, just in time for Gredenko to receive a new feathery ornament right in the neck. Lots of people get shot, including someone that’s still in the car. (Jack called dibs on that one, and shot him as soon as he got out). Brady, fortunately, is OK. The tactical guys drag Gredenko inside the house.

Commercial

8:53 pm – Jack gets Brady into a car to go see Mark at the hospital. As Jack goes in to talk to Gredenko, one of the tactical guys asks “Do you need help with him?” Jack mumbles, “You must be new here”, and then declines.

8:54 pm – Jack asks Gredenko, “Do you know who I am?” Gredenko tells Jack that he knows all about him, because they get “24” in Russia too, only there it’s called “Man Who Will Shoot You in the Thigh”. Jack threatens to do some nasty interrogating and then send Gredenko back to Russia, so Gredenko readily admits where the next target is. In return, he wants amnesty, a promise he won’t be sent back to Russia, and guarantee that Sanjaya will be off American Idol this week. This apparently stuns Jack, because he’s starts to go into a one-sided staring contest with Gredenko, who continues to just babble away.

8:56 pm – Back in Noah’s planning room, Lennox brings Noah some very bad news: Jack has Gredenko in custody. At least, Noah considers this bad news, but decides, what the heck, since they’re already in the neighborhood, the nuclear strike should continue. Lennox tries to argue with him, but Noah says that the special effects guys have been ready to go for a long time now, and he doesn’t want to disappoint them.

8:58 pm – Just as the commander calls to give the order, it turns out that the fleet already has orders… from President Wayne! The phone rings, and its Wayne calling for Noah! Wayne tells Noah that there is to be no launch today, and hangs up on Noah.

8:59 pm – Noah takes this opportunity to point out that Wayne must have been kidding about the “don’t bomb” thing, doesn’t want Wayne to remain in power, and asks to talk to the attorney general! Noah’s going to try and get Wayne out of the way!

9:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: WAYNE IS BACK, FIGHTING FOR HIS JOB! EVIL LISA ADVISES NOAH! BILL STATES THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THE BOMBS! JACK IS ITCHING TO SHOOT GREDENKO! LOTS OF SHOOTING!