Previously on “24”, we saw that: Jack gives good introductions, and could be a successful television spokesman; Jack can make an ex-President wet his pants by just giving him a mean look; Some people think yelling into phones makes the CIA work harder; Chloe has a foundation that releases CTU agents out into the wild; Ex-President Logan has bug around the collar; Someone who was hungry asked Jack for “Russian Take Out”, and he completely misunderstood what they said.
The following takes place between 2:00 pm and 3:00 pm:
2:00 pm – Cole gets a call from Arlo, who tells him that Jack has been making life-size pin cushions. Cole thinks Chloe might be able to help stop Jack’s rampage through the city, but Arlo thinks that they’d have an easier time calming down Godzilla. Arlo also warns Cole that James, Jack’s paranoid friend, probably has an explosive doorbell, so he should be careful.
2:02 pm – James watches television on a series of branded monitors and is alerted by his Paranoia surveillance system that Cole is in the building. Cole shoots the door, because it has been a very naughty door, and bursts into the room. James is already pointing a gun at him. James has had a lot of practice, because he’s been waiting for that door to make the wrong move for years now, and it finally happened.
Cole tells James that he has two choices: “1” Have his cover blown, and have every federal agent from here to Mars altered to his “non-dead” state or “2” Help find Jack. Cole tries to reason with James, but it doesn’t seem to work until Cole suggests that if Jack dies, it’ll be James’ fault. James finally agrees to help Cole. He just has to change into his spy clothes first, before they go out.
2:06 pm – Chloe arrives in the field where the CTU agents have set up shop. One of the agents stops selling t-shirts long enough to ask why Cole, who had been helping Jack, was now free. Chloe resists the urge to taser him, and tells him that Cole designed the UN protocols. Chloe goes on to say she’s seen many protocols in her time, and was very impressed with Cole’s, so he’s going to be helping out. And that the agent questioning this is a moron. She gets a phone call from Cole.
Cole tells her that James told him all about the bug on Logan’s collar, and it recorded that Suvarov is in on the whole plot. Oh and Jack is probably going after him to kill him. Cole is unsure of how an insect with a little recording device could get all that, but at this point she’s just going along with what’s happening.
Cole tells her that the evidence that was recorded was wiped out, but Jack should have a backup copy. Chloe tells Cole to shmoosh the bug, and that she knew Jack would have a backup, because that’s just the kind of guy Jack is: He practices safe computing.
Chloe thinks she can re-route Suvarov’s motorcade to go to the UN so he’ll be safe, because nothing worthwhile ever happens at the UN. They think Suvarov might be in trouble if he gets out into the open there, but there’s very little chance Jack will be able to do anything about it.
2:08 pm – Jason speaks with Logan, who is still hyperventilating. Logan asks “Do we know anything about Bauer?” Jason points out since this is the last two hours of the show, they better by now, because it’ll be a little tough after that. Logan tells Jason that it’s about time Mrs. President finds out everything, which is a little late now, considering everyone else found out the ending to LOST yesterday.
2:09 pm – Mrs. President is in the UN talking with Tim when she gets a look on her face which indicates she stepped in something kinda gross – oh, oops – it’s just a call from ex-President Logan. He tells her that Jack is seeking retribution – that, and a high body count. He tells her about the Novakovich-kabob Jack left behind. She’s very worried what Suvarov will have to say about when he finds out about Novakovich’s involvement. Logan tells her that Suvarov is WAY ahead of everyone in this regard: he’s the one that order the assassination in the first place! Logan tells her that he’s SURE Jack has no idea about this.
Jack, of course, is listening to all this, from his new hideout, a small metal cage, which he believes can recharge his aura. No one is brave enough to tell Jack this won’t work.
Mrs. President enters a room for a signing with Dahlia.
2:11 pm – Jack continues to watch from his perch while Logan drives off with a new security detail, which is pretty much the same type of super-safe, non-penetrable limo that Jack shot to pieces last time.
Jason walks off to make a phone call to Eden, who informs him they know that Jack has been wounded. It’s only a matter of time before they find Jack.
He hangs up, and pop goes up Jack! He’s in the backseat of Jason’s car, which surprises Jason because he didn’t leave a Jack in the backseat this morning! Jack orders Jason to start driving, or he’ll turn him into a real-life Mr. Potato Head.
They’re driving to the UN, and Jack knows Suvarov has been a very bad little Russian president.
2:18 pm – The UN staff representative congratulates herself for not being involved in any way with today’s events.
Dahlia gives Mrs. President a present that Omar wanted to give her. It’s a pencil box with what Mrs. President misinterprets as kindergarten scribbles, until Dahlia tells her it’s a verse about “peace”.
Dahlia goes to meet with her daughter, Kahlia. Kahlia tells her that the Russians were involved with Hasan’s murder, and they decide to use a lifeline and make a call to Meredith.
2:21 pm – Cole arrives at the CTU setup outside the UN with a box of donuts for everyone, just so there aren’t any hard feelings from him helping out Jack.
Chloe meets with Cole, and wonders how they’re going to get the information that Jack has out to the public. Chloe suggests they start posting it as an e-mail with a LOLcat to every government employee they can think of, and when everyone starts forwarding that LOLcat, the message will be unstoppable.
Jason arrives at the UN and shows his high school long jump third place medal to everyone he can flash it to. They let him by quickly, because they think he might stop and start telling them stories about his athletic years. Jason drives into the building.
2:24 pm – Jason parks the car the underground garage, and Jack orders him out of the car. Jack wants Jason to sew up his wound! Jack tells Jason not to put any moves on him. While Jason is sewing, Jack starts to tell him about the time when he was performing spinal surgery, made a mistake, and then had to count to five to … then he realizes that was a different Jack, and it wasn’t him.
Jack explains that he’s been acting like Judge Dredd because Mrs. President started a coverup. He makes Jason kneel down and then knocks him unconscious.
2:31 pm – Jack loads up his new emergency backup Jason into his SUV, making sure that he’s all taped up.
Dahlia can’t get Meredith on the phone, and then she leaves to make sure that Mrs. President knows all about Suvarov’s involvement in Hasan’s death. Plus she wants to know how she likes the pen she gave her.
Mrs. President listens to the fake news about what’s happening at the UN, while staring at her new pen, wondering how to operate it. Dahlia enters the room, and Mrs. President puts the pen back in its box just in case Dahlia takes it back.
Dahlia informs Mrs. President about the rumor of Russian involvement. Mrs. President tries to look very surprised. Dahlia really wants to find Meredith, and won’t sign even a bar tab without talking to her.
Mrs. President says that’ll be a little hard because they’re keeping Meredith locked up in a small room in another dimension – and then corrects herself when she realizes that was another season finale last week. Dahlia points out that Mrs. President won’t arrest someone that was making false accusations, puts two and two together to make five, and realizes Mrs. President knew about the Russian involvement all along.
Dahlia flips out, making as many different facial expressions as possible. They come very close to a catfight, until Dahlia finally says she’ll never sign the treaty.
Mrs. President looks very worried about what is about to happen, until Dahlia tells her that she’s going to submit a formal complaint about Meredith to the UN. Mrs. President lets out a sigh of relief because she knows the UN will never do anything about that, unless it involves free parking downtown. Dahlia turns to leave.
Mrs. President uses her Bene Gesserit voice to stop Dahlia in her tracks. Mrs. President tells Dahlia that she better be there to sign the treaty, because if she’s not, she’ll bomb them back to the Sand Age, which is even earlier than the Stone Age.
Dahlia doesn’t say anything, and leaves anyway.
2:42 pm – Some armored CTU agents escort each other through the building, while Jack watches. Jack makes his way through the building with his Jack Pack on his back. He puts several small cameras on the wall, which look like Certs, only less metallic.
Jack finds a good room to hide in, and it happens to be a prefect place to set up as a sniper, which is something he always wanted to do.
2:44 pm – Dahlia tells Jamot that she wants to tell the whole world about the Russians and Mrs. President and is seriously considering starting up her fake country’s nuclear weapons program again. Jamot points out that the nuclear weapon program is also fake, so he doubts Mrs. President will be too worried about it.
Meanwhile, Jack looks for a good spot to shoot from.
Chloe informs Cole that Arlo was able to use his special creepy spy software to see Jack’s reflection in a bag of potato chips inside a vending machine. Also, one of the bags has a potato chip that looks almost exactly like Barry Manilow, except with more hair. The Chip, I mean.
Anyway, Jack is inside the perimeter that they set up! Chloe tells Cole that she’s going after Jack. If Cole doesn’t hear from her in 20 minutes, he can start coming after her.
2:47 pm – Jack starts filming a video that he’s hoping will explain to Kim what he’s about to do. He explains that he also hopes he’ll get a lot of hits on YouTube.
2:48 pm – Suvarov’s motorcade arrives with at least five cars, which can only mean Suvarov has not been completely assembled yet. It’ll take a few minutes to get all the pieces unloaded so they can continue.
After he’s assembled, Suvarov greets both Mrs. President and Dahlia, and doesn’t seem to notice that neither of them is really paying attention to him.
2:54 pm – Chloe enters the building where Jack is hiding after showing her Quizno’s card to a guard.
At the UN, someone with a very bad accent makes a long introduction of Dahlia, Suvarov and Mrs. President.
Chloe continues to walk through the building, gun drawn, just in case she runs into a spare UN delegate.
She enters the utility room where Jack is hiding. She explains she’s just there to help him. He’s so excited he gives her a big hug. A little too big, because she passes out.
Meanwhile, Logan picks up a phone call from Jason….only oops! It’s from Jack. And it turns out that Jack is aiming his gun right at Logan’s head, which would do no damage whatsoever, so Jack adjusts to someplace that could actually hurt Logan.
Jack wants Logan to invite Suvarov upstairs for some shots! Only Suvarov won’t realize they’re not the drinking kind!
3:00 pm – Time’s up!
NEXT TIME ON “24” IS RIGHT NOW!