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Previously on “24”, we discovered: Heller plays pick up sticks with pills; Chinese spies travel via UPS; The Chinese President looks like Gorbachev; Chloe can hide in her sleep; Jack thinks he can stop bleeding by yelling; Audrey was about to be recaptured, ending the story on a happy note, but we have one hour left for her to somehow screw that up for everyone.
The following takes place between 10pm and 11 am, which is kind of weird, even for “24”:
10 pm – Audrey’s still on the bench. Cheng told her not to move from the bench, or she’d be killed. So, of course, Shao wakes back up, only being mostly dead. Shao attempts to tell Audrey to stay the heck away from her, but Audrey tries to help her anyway, and the sniper kills Shao. Cheng tells Audrey not to move and that he double-swears-cross-his-fingers-hopes-Jack-dies that he really, really means it this time. Audrey sits back down, looking like the worse person ever to feed pigeons, ever.
In the Russian embassy, which at the moment is completely devoid of Russians, Mark, Kate and Jack search for something to tell them where Cheng is. Jack discovers a secret compartment, marked “Secret Compartment – Hit Here!” in a drawer. It’s got a cell phone! Jack uses the dead Deputy Minister’s dead thumb to unlock the phone, and it has three messages on it. It has three e-mails about money for a shipment! They guess that’s where Cheng is going to be, since they were all signed “Hugs, Cheng”.
Mark’s phone rings, and he’s horrified that someone sent him a picture of Audrey. Cheng calls, and tells them all that Audrey will die instantly if they go after him. For some reason, they don’t immediately go sprinting out of the building after Cheng.
Mark tries to argue that they need to save Audrey. Kate and Jack both look at him with an “oh well!” look. Then Mark gets really personal and tells Jack, “She loves you!” Jack immediately does what anyone else in would do in the same circumstance… he yells, “SHUT UP!” That was a very mean thing of Mark to say.
Kate and Jack discuss tactics further, and they decide Kate will go after Audrey. Jack is going after Cheng.
10:07pm – For some reason The President decides he wants to tour make-shift CIA headquarters and shows up there right during the middle of this crisis. Fortunately, all the military tactical personnel and equipment has moved as well, and in under 15 minutes. The military guys tell Heller that the Chinese are heading towards Okinawa. They all want to raise the nuclear alert level.
Chloe stumbles out of the woods looking like she really misses her workstation. A passing car stops. A couple jump out of the car, tell her that she looks just like “Chloe..you know, on ’24’!”. She asks to use their cell phone. She calls Jack.
Chloe tells Jack that Adrian isn’t going to be releasing secrets any time soon, and that she wants to help Jack in any way she can. She convinces Jack that he should trust her, and he drives to pick her up. She signs autographs for the couple while she waits.
10:13 pm – Heller is on the video phone with the President of China. Heller does exactly what many Americans do when speaking to foreigners, he talks very slowly. It turns out that the Chinese President speaks English better than Heller does. Heller warns him that if the warships cross the twelve mile limit, there’s going to be a fight!
Cheng arrives at the dock in his UPS van full of his guys. The captain says they’re going to leave in fifteen minutes. Cheng wants to use express delivery, but the captain warns him that they’re not going to be able to get them to speak passable Danish any sooner than 15 minutes.
At in the middle of nowhere, Jack drives up and Chloe gets in the car. Jack asks, “What the hell happened? You OK?” Chloe replies that’s her new makeup, and he shouldn’t be so judgmental. Also, she got banged up getting away from Cheng.
Jack tells Chloe where the laptop is, and she writes some subroutines while they discuss what happened. Chloe believes that Adrian used her knowledge to build the override device. That makes perfect sense, since Chloe is the only person on Earth that could build a device that could mimic her capabilities in getting into systems. She feels this is all her fault.
Chloe wants to know why Jack is alone, because perimeters are hard to make with only one person. He explains that they need Cheng alive, which surprises Chloe, since most people Jack goes after end up dead. Jack further explains that Audrey is pinned down by a sniper. Chloe doesn’t see much wrong with this, since it is Audrey after all, but when she sees the look of distress on Jack’s face she apologizes again.
10:16pm – Audrey, still on the park bench looks really nervous, especially since she didn’t ask Cheng if she could go to the bathroom before she started to have to sit still.
Audrey’s phone rings! She looks down at it, presses the button… it’s Kate! The very first thing Kate tells her to do is don’t do anything that makes it looks like she’s in communication with anyone. And ESPECIALLY don’t look down at the phone and press a button. Doing something like that would be SURE to tip off the sniper.
Kate tells Audrey to answer a couple of questions. Audrey stomps her foot on the ground answering “Yes” and “No” questions. Kate determines that Audrey has no idea where the sniper is, but thinks she has a good way of figuring it out. She’s going to make Audrey move around a bit so the sniper will shoot at her when she makes a sudden movement! Sound like a completely safe plan to Audrey, so she goes along with it.
Audrey suddenly jumps up, and instead of ducking for cover, she moves straight towards the building she’s facing. In exchange, the sniper gives her a bullet. In her park bench. (Not a euphemism). While this was going on, Kate watched for the sniper and thinks she knows where he is.
The sniper calls Cheng and tells him what just happened with Audrey. Cheng says that if the sniper sees anything unusual, such as sudden movement towards the house where the sniper is, looking down at a cell phone, not crying when shot… he has authorization to kill Audrey.
Kate calls Jack to let him know they’re going to try to take out the sniper. Jack suggests that Kate shoot him, instead of trying to date him.
Jack and Chloe arrive, and Belachek is there waiting with a nice gun for Jack. Chloe can’t get online to change her Facebook status, so she makes a run for the nearby satellite dish she spots. She runs off; Jack follows and yells for her. She stops, and Jack shoots a very dangerous looking door, which does not return fire. Jack thanks Chloe for everything, and asks her to pay off his satellite bill after she hacks into it.
10:24 pm – Kate calls Audrey. Audrey AGAIN looks down at the phone and presses a button, which is apparently is completely not suspicious to anyone. Kate tells her as soon as she hears gun fire, do NOT run towards it. Run away. Audrey stomps the ground once, indicating she understands. In her own little Audrey way, she understands.
Chloe’s spent the last few minutes building a compete ISP using the satellite dish, a spare telephone and an empty bottle of Guinness. She’s got an infrared Predator view of the cargo ship and will help Jack navigate through everything to kill some bad guys.
Jack and Belachek take out five guys immediately as they make they’re way through the cargo container area at the dock. Then, just for fun, they try practice some Olympic Synchronized Sniper Shooting and take out two more simultaneously. The judges award a 10 out of 10, but seem very nervous as they hold up their cards.
10:26 pm – Jack and Belachek continue to make their way across the cargo area, occasionally pointing at midair, which they use to scare midair. They make it to the boat, and to celebrate, they shoot another guy. Chloe informs them that there are about a dozen other “heat signatures”, which is CIA talk for warm bodies that are about to become cold bodies. Chloe thinks that Cheng is near a communication tower, since a lot of guys with guns are near it.
Inside that tower, Cheng’s best hacker has figured out that someone is screwing around with the area’s satellite dish, since he can’t get the Food Network very clearly. Cheng asks the captain to contact his men, who unbeknownst to Cheng, if they could contact him at this point, would be contacting him from “the other side”. When that doesn’t work, Cheng tells his hacker to do something about it. The Chinese hacker guy tells Cheng he’s going to try to mirror the intruder’s screen. Cheng tells everyone to find whoever is on the ship.
Chloe tells Kate that she has to make her move right away, or they’re going to have one less Audrey pretty soon.
Cheng gives the kill order!
The sniper, who’s been sitting there with the scope on Audrey this whole time takes a couple of seconds to really line up the shot even better. Kate runs out and yells “Peek-a-boo!” and shoots at the window. Audrey leaps, but only moves a few feet away so she can see what happens. Another agent joins in on shooting. The sniper, being thrown back by all the gun fight, falls forwards instead of backwards, and out the window – dead!
Since there is no possible way there was more than one Chinese agent in the area, they all feel pretty comfortable with Audrey being out in the open. Kate calls Erik while they stand around. Kate informs Erik they they need some CIA help, and that they’ve got Audrey. Erik seems completely bewildered about what’s happening, which is right in line of everyone else who has ever been in charge of something Jack is associated with. Erik orders guys over to help Jack.
Chloe is busy freaking out that someone is messing with her Internet, and tries to get it back, because she was right in the middle of posting something to Twitter.
Cheng pulls a gun and orders the captain to start the engines, and that they’re leaving. The captain tells everyone of his guys to leave. For some reason they don’t get the heck away from Cheng, and start the boat engines.
Jack and Belachek hear this, and Jack tells Belachek to go downstairs and do whatever he has to, to stop the boat.
Chloe, Audrey and the other agents take a leisurely stroll back to the gate where their cars are parked. Someone suddenly runs up and starts shooting in their direction! Two agents go down, and the guy runs off.
They all turn around, and Audrey discovers she’s been shot! Kate yells a lot, which is what Jack did to try and stop the Russian from bleeding, but it doesn’t work. Audrey cries one last tear, and closes her eyes. Jack is NOT going to be happy about this. Unless she comes back as a zombie. Which might have already happened. We’re not sure.
10:36pm – At makeshift headquarters, the military guys are pretty pumped up about unleashing military stuff but Heller tells them to wait. Someone comes in and tells Heller’s assistant he needs a word. The assistant gets the news (which we presume is about Audrey) and he makes every effort not to jump for joy.
Back on the boat, Jack and Belachek get into position. Kate decides this is the perfect time to tell Jack that Audrey is dead. Jack looks really bewildered. He pulls out his hand gun… he looks like he’s about to do something really bad to himself. He hears some guys coming and decides to go all Jack Bauer on them, and mows a bunch of them down as soon as he sees them.
Jack calmly walks through the kitchen area, shoots a couple of guys and then shows off his knife skills by throwing a butcher’s cleaver at someone, killing him.
Down in the engine room, Belachek’s gun convinces the guy starting the engine to start stopping the engine.
Upstairs, Jack makes his way into the room where Cheng is. One of Cheng’s guys goes out to see where Jack is. It turns out that Jack has a knife waiting for the guy’s throat. This, as you might imagine, hurts enough to where Jack is able to steer the guy back into the room using him as a shield. Jack shoots the other people in the room, and then finishes off his human shield, just to be sure he’s really good and dead.
Cheng tries to shoot Jack, but Jack kicks the gun out his hand. Cheng tries to use martial arts moves on Jack, but they can’t counteract Bauer-Fu. Jack is so on fire with his moves that Cheng tries to use a fire extinguisher on him, but that doesn’t work. After breaking Cheng’s arm, Jack takes him down, telling him, “You should have stayed hidden like a rat! You’re going to die an old man!”
Meanwhile, the Chinese carries have crossed the line and Heller tells the military guys they have permission to start fighting, which gets them super excited. Right at that moment, Jack calls in, so Heller tells them to stand down. This gets the military guys super-unexcited.
Jack, somehow, has a video call going back to Makeshift CIA Headquarters, and he shows everyone that Cheng is alive. CIA links with the Chinese, so they get the same video feed, which probably surprises the Chinese because they had an unlisted number.
While the facial recognition software does it thing, Gavin wishes he was using some of the apps on his phone, because they can do facial recognition much more quickly.
Jack yells at Cheng to admit who he is. Cheng doesn’t say anything. Jack notices that the room they’re in has all the standard issue Danish ship equipment, including a samurai sword. Jack grabs it and holds it to Cheng’s neck, yelling at him to say who he is. Cheng finally say, “I’m Senior Chang!” and they get a facial and voice match. CIA confirms, and the screen goes blank.
10:42 pm – Heller leaves the room. And The Assistant With Audrey News goes with him.
Now off camera, Jack tells Cheng, “This is for Audrey!” He attempts to give Cheng a really close crew cut, but misses and cuts off his head. That’s going to be a little awkward to explain.
Heller is on the video link with The Chinese President That Looks Like Gorby telling him that since Cheng is alive, this proves everything that he’s been saying all along. The Chinese President says he’ll look into it. Heller tells the Chinese President, now would be a good time to turn the ships around, since they’re getting towards the end of the program, and having an all out war at the end of the season would be a bad way to end things. The Chinese President agrees, and orders his ships turned back. We hear swearing from over where the military guys are.
The assistant tells Heller he better sit down for the news he’s about to give him. The assistant tells him the news about Audrey, and Heller falls to the floor. Mark looks on, and realizes something bad has happened.
Jack and Belachek run to find Chloe back where she was hiding…but she’s not there! And there’s Chloe blood on the ground! Jack gets a phone call. It’s someone asking if he’d like to switch his long distance service. He hangs up. He gets another call, but we can’t tell who it is. All we know is that Jack will be there for a meeting that’s being set up.
10:50 AM – Twelve Hours Later! Whoa! Sorry… I must have dozed off.
Kate hands in her report to Erik. Erik tells her that it wasn’t her fault about Audrey. Kate gives him a look as if to say, “DUH!”. She still looks upset though. We can tell even after she goes into her glass office. She lays down her badge and gun, and leaves.
Mark’s in a holding cell crying about his really bad day. Erik comes in and informs him he’s won an all expense paid trip to Levinworth. Mark asks about the President, and Erik tells him they won’t be dating anymore.
Prime Minister Frye tries to comfort Heller as Audrey’s casket is unloaded. Heller admits he’s losing his memory, and he’ll never remember what happened to get him on this show in the first place. He walks Audrey’s casket along with the military guard escorting it.
10:55pm – Somewhere outside London, a helicopter lands, because they do that freely around London. Jack and Belachek arrive. There are people holding guns on Jack everywhere. It’s the Russians. And they look very Russian.
It’s an exchange for Chloe! They take her out of the helicopter. Jack and Chloe start marching for the exchange. When they meet in the middle, Jack tells her the she really is his best friend and asks that she look in on his family.
When Chloe is safe, and Jack is with the Main Russian Guy, Jack does the typical Jack thing and threatens him. Jack says that if Chloe or his family is messed with in anyway, he’ll come out of another retirement and do another “24” show. Maybe even one that is “24” episodes this time.
Jack gets on the helicopter with the Russians as Belachek and Chloe run for the car.
The helicopter takes off.
11:00 am – TIME’S UP! THAT’S IT!
Thanks to my friend John, who does a quick read on these things before I post them, correcting a zillion mistakes (I counted once….one zillion) so I sound better than I really am.
Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read these things too.
Most of all, thanks to Dave for hosting all this crazy stuff for us and playing along with these posts I do. Without him, we’d all be loose on streets on Monday nights, and nobody wants that.
[note: I post these over on Dave Barry’s blog while the show is running first, and then here].
Previously on 24, we learned: Nobody walks around London at night – they only ride the escalator in subway stations; The real reason Steve was arrested: He shot some beer kegs, which in some parts of England is still a hanging offense; Kate is REALLY good (and REALLY scary) during an interrogation; The Russians still think they can handle Jack, not realizing they’re against Jack AND Kate; Adrian’s attempt at becoming a professional bullet catcher did not end well; Cheng came back to play the biggest game of Battleship ever; when Chloe cries, Chinese ships explode.
The following takes place between 9pm and 10pm:
9pm – The President is getting debriefed, and for some reason Audrey is in the room. It’s OK though, because no one appears to see her. An admiral announces that the Chinese carrier has spontaneously sprung mysterious leaks, due to mysterious explosions. They’re pretty sure the leaks are coming from the holes in the ship.
Jack and Kate have been in a gun fight since last week, and it’s still continuing. Kate suspects that these might be Adrian’s guys. Jack thinks that if it had been Adrian’s guys, they would have had their credit cards hacked. He thinks it’s something more.
Cheng is looking over his 1-0 lead in his Battleship game, feeling pretty smug. Chloe asks why he’d attack his own country. It turns out that Cheng is a little bit ticked off at China. He says it’s not his country anymore, but we’re not really sure it was his to begin with. It’s a pretty big place.
One of Cheng’s henchmen is channel surfing and notices there’s a pretty realistic gunfight happening on the “Jack vs the Russians” channel. Cheng, being super paranoid (and a little egotistical), thinks this is all about him. After finding a bottle cap he’s convinced is a tracking device, Cheng tells everyone to pack up and leave.
Chloe, meanwhile, notices an iPhone on the ground. She tries to use her mental powers to make it move into her hand by staring at it, but fails. She falls on the phone on the way out, but Cheng notices and takes the phone from her. That model is not available in China yet.
Outside, Jack and Kate practice Just-In-Time gun management techniques and run out of bullets just as backup arrives. The federal agents announce themselves as “Federal Agents”, which is kind of a weird thing to say in a foreign country where they have zero authority. It works though, because the Russians give up.
Jack tells everyone the override device hasn’t moved. This is a good thing because a self-aware mobile override device is the LAST thing they need right now. Jack announces he’s going after it.
9:06 pm – Jack goes into the building, pointing his gun at thin air the whole time. The air doesn’t move, so he doesn’t have to shoot it. He finds the room where Chloe and Cheng were, looks a little upset about all the dead bodies, but is much more upset that there’s a fake override device transmitter just sitting on the desk.
Kate arrives. She doesn’t seem very upset about all the dead bodies, or the fact that Jack might have shot them all. She finds a phone though, that just happened to be recording everything since the person died. Why in the world would someone who died sometime last hour just happened to be recording something, and how they happened to have enough spare room to do all that recording… well, it’s a mystery.
It’s also a mystery how it recorded Cheng talking, but nothing about what Kate and Jack just said. But that’s not important. What is important is that Jack starts twitching as soon as Kate plays the recording, when Jack hears Cheng’s voice.
At the embassy, where the President and his entourage are staying, there’s a news report. The reporter seems really distressed that the Chinese carrier might have lost thousands of people. The reporter does not seem to be the least bit distressed that there was a CHINESE CARRIER IN THE MEDITERRANEAN OFF THE COAST OF GIBRALTAR. Nope. Nothing odd about that.
Jack calls the President and tells him Cheng is alive. Audrey looks visibly disturbed by this news. Ok…check that… Audrey looks even more visibly disturbed than she normally does. The President goes into this “talking to kindergarteners” voice and tells Jack that Cheng is dead. The President says knows Cheng is dead because some Chinese spy source swears it’s true, and who wouldn’t believe a Chinese spy over Jack Bauer. The President has also put on his super sleuth hat and has deduced that the override device was used to help blow up the Chinese carrier.
Jack tells The President that he’s pretty sure Cheng is working with the Russians, since they showed up earlier. As soon as The President hears “Russians”, Mark looks like he just created his own perimeter. The President tells Jack to get the device back so they can prove they had nothing to do with sinking the ship. Apart from owning the missiles. And the ship that shot them.
Audrey’s having a full on panic attack now that she knows Cheng is alive. Or it might just be one of her regularly scheduled panic attacks.
At makeshift CIA headquarters, everyone is pretty much useless because Chloe doesn’t work there anymore. They tell Jack that they have a lot of computers, but have no idea where the heck Cheng is. They do tell Jack that the Russians used his secret decoder ring frequency to track him. Only makeshift CIA headquarters and Mark knew about the code. Jack doesn’t look happy, and leaves Adrian’s Dead Hacker Lair.
9:16 pm – Cheng and company are in a UPS van. Cheng calls the Russian consulate guy, sounding a lot like Senior Chang. Cheng is worried about Jack, because he’s pretty sure Jack holds a grudge. The Russian tells Cheng that he’ll be able to leave the country via a Danish ship. Cheng gets excited until he’s told that it’s just a regular ship and has no pastries on it.
Kate is confused about why Cheng would want to start a war between China and the United States. Jack says that’s because “the political landscape shifted” 10 years ago. Kate says, “What, like an earthquake?” Jack looks disturbed and says, “Uh…yeah, just like an earthquake.” He goes on to explain that everyone in the intelligence community thought Cheng was dead. That’s going to be quick a discussion thread on their message boards, ha ha! Kate wonders why Mark would have anything to do with this, and Jack looks anxious to “discuss” this with Mark in person.
Mark tries to convince Audrey to leave the room with all this going on. She says, “I like to think my country needs me too.”
On behalf of the country, I would say “no”.
The President takes a video call from The Chinese President, who looks a lot like Mikhail Gorbachov. The President tries to give The Chinese President the old “Whoops! It wasn’t us! It was a bad guy!” excuse. While this is actually true, The Chinese President doesn’t believe that. And he REALLY doesn’t believe that Cheng is still alive. The President tries to pinky swear it’s true, but The Chinese President doesn’t believe him. He only tells Heller, “What ever happens today is on your head.” The video goes blank. Heller freaks out, thinking something is in his hair, until someone explains to him what the expression means.
The President tells everyone that they should help Jack get whatever he needs to get Cheng. He puts Mark in charge. Mark lets out a nervous, hysterical laugh, but catches himself before anyone notices.
Audrey, thinking she still has some role to play in all this, says she has a secret friend from China that might be able to help. Heller plays along, thinking this is another one of Audrey’s “special friends”. It turns out it’s a real person who Audrey met while previously working with China. Now, why Audrey would have been working with anyone remotely associated with China after what she went through before with Cheng, I have no idea. But she did. Her contact’s name is Shao. Audrey thinks by letting the Chinese know there’s a weakness in America’s defense systems, she can convince them that the whole “blowing up the ship thing” was a mistake. Heller doesn’t seem the least bit alarmed about letting the Chinese know about weaknesses in America’s defense systems, so he lets her try this.
While this has been going on, the Chinese have been busy sending in planes and ships towards something. What something? Nobody knows, but it is probably a bad thing.
9:27 pm – Jack calls Audrey. Mystic “Risky Business” music plays in the background. Jack’s about to tell her about Cheng, but she already knew because she was eavesdropping on her father’s phone call. Jack says some thing are going to happen soon, that he’s pretty sure she won’t like. Audrey blows this off, because, I mean, what could Jack POSSIBLY do that’s so bad, right? Oh, and she wants Jack to kill Cheng. A lot.
The President is getting a briefing, which is nice because he lost his briefs when he was debriefed earlier this hour. The military guys tell him that the Chinese appear to getting ready to attack Okinawa. One of the military guys really wants to pull out the nuclear weapons, because it’d be really cool. The President disagrees, just as Jack arrives. Jack requests a meeting with The President and Mark.
They go into another room where Jack pulls his gun on Mark. Jack wants Mark to confess about sending the Russians after him. Since the “Sorry!” thing seems like the thing to say, since the President just got done using that with the Chinese, Mark attempts to use that excuse. Heller reacts basically the same way The Chinese President did.
Jack points out that the Russian deputy minister is really a super duper spy, and calls Mark the “I” word. Heller wants to have Mark arrested, but Jack thinks it would be a lot more fun to take Mark on a “Ride Along” since he recently saw that movie.
9:38 pm – Erik sends information about the Russian deputy minister’s home to Kate, Jack and Mark as they drive towards it. Kate and Jack seem completely calm about the whole thing. Mark is on his third set of Depends. Kate gives Mark a device to put in his ear, and a camera to put on his lapel for when he goes up to the house. This obviously will work, because cameras and communication devices are almost never ever detected by other spies. Mark wants to know what happens if “the bullets start to fly”. Jack wants to tell him “Bullets don’t fly! They’re SHOT!”, but tells him to stay low instead. Mark tries to apologize to Jack, but doesn’t sound very convincing.
In the UPS van, Cheng and his guys are wondering why hacking into port security is taking so long, since getting into world’s defense systems is so easy. When Cheng’s security guy tries to explain iptables in greater detail, Chloe sees her chance. She grabs a metal bar and starts going all Jack Bauer on everyone. This surprises everyone, including Chloe. Before they have a chance to react, Chloe jumps from the van into the woods. All the guys leave the van. Chloe rolls down a hill, apparently knocking herself unconscious.
As the Chinese look for Chloe, an English military truck pulls up to the pitch black van with the Chinese guy dressed all in pitch black. The soldier in the truck asks if Cheng needs any help. Cheng is about to say that “no, we’ll find her”, but thinks better of it. After offering Cheng some tea, the truck drives off. Cheng decides to leave Chloe. The Chinese get back in the van and leave.
9:43 pm – The military guys inform the President that the Chinese are still on their way to Okinawa. A staff guy tells Heller that Prime Minster Stephen Fry tried to explain about the override device, but The Chinese President couldn’t understand his English accent.
Heller pulls out some pills out and spills them all over the floor. He bends down to pick them up, and everyone tries to help him. No one says anything, but Heller shoots them a “If Anyone Makes a ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” Joke, They’re In Big Trouble” look.
One of the officers gets a phone call. The Chinese have fired missiles! And it turns out the super-secret surveillance satellites are now out of commission, and also not as super-secret as previously thought.
The other military guy suggests raising the Defcon level to 3. Heller agrees, and says they should also raise the ComicCon level to 3, just to be safe.
9:48 pm – Kate, Mark and Jack arrive at the Russian’s house. Jack wishes Mark “good luck” while laughing under his breath so far we can’t even tell he’s doing it.
Mark goes to the front gate and asks to be let in to see the Russian deputy minister, which surprisingly doesn’t work. The guy at the gate tells him to go away, or he’ll taunt Mark a second time.
Mark insists on taking to the deputy minister on the phone, which he’s finally given. Mark tells the minister that Heller knows about the forged signature and he wants asylum. Mark also says he’s too cute to go to prison, and he’s scared. Mark swears he’ll be a great asset because he’s attended intelligence briefings, he knows things about what’s going on in Washington, and all the secrets about Area 52, which is even more secret than Area 51. This last part convinces the deputy minister, and after a brief ineffective search, Mark is let in.
When they get to the security panel, Jack asks Mark to move closer to it, which didn’t look at all suspicious to anyone. Makeshift CIA seems to be surprised that the security is so high.
The deputy minister comes downstairs and tells Mark to follow him. The Russian security for rooms is similar to the CIA, because the room they go into has a glass door. Mark tells the minister that he’ll need money, which appears to be the thing that convinces the minister.
CIA jams the security system, the gates open and the shooting begins! Also, all the security cameras that the minister was watching go blank, so he gets suspicious. He goes for his gun and there’s struggle!
While Kate and Jack shoot various security people and tissue boxes explode all around them, the deputy minister and Mark go crashing through the glass door!
The Russian Deputy Minister finally learns why a glass door is a stupid thing to have to his office, because parts of it stick out of his neck. He pulls out the glass and blood spurts everywhere, which is going to make the security deposit on this house he’s renting a lot harder to get back.
Jack arrives and tries to stop the bleeding by holding a towel to the minister’s neck, and by yelling at him, asking where Cheng is. Yelling at him was the wrong thing to do, and he dies. Jack, for the first time in a long while, looks perplexed about what to do next.
9:56pm – Audrey meets with her friend Shao at the park. Audrey tells Shao about Cheng being alive. Then Audrey tells Shao about the device that can take over all the drones that exist, something I’m sure the Chinese would love to know. Audrey gives Shao a big hug as she leaves.
It turns out that was the last hug Shao was ever going to get because a bullet hits her, and she goes down. So do both Secret Service guys with Audrey. Audrey doesn’t quite understand that bullets, hitting the ground and blood means “a bad thing”and doesn’t move out of the way.
Her phone rings. It’s Cheng! He tells Audrey to sit down! Oh no! He tells Audrey, “You may be allowed to live!” NOoooooooOOOOooo!
TIME’S UP! – Well, that’s it for the show. Audrey was recaptured by the Chinese and everyone’s happy! …WAIT! There’s another hour? But that’s the happy ending everyone was hoping for… aw….. ok. Well, in that case…
NEXT TIME ON “24” – GUN ON AUDREY! FORCES ENGAGING! CHLOE IS BACK! HELLER COLLAPSES! SHOOTING! CASKETS!
Previously on “24” – We learned: Sometimes Internet Theories are right; You should never go close to an open window through which you saw Jack Bauer swing past; Gravity is still a harsh mistress; Steve is now less mole and more road runner; Chloe and Adrian have apparently friend-ed each other on Facebook.
The following takes place between 8pm and 9pm –
8pm – Jack calls Kate and tells her that Steve is the mole. Jack is in hot pursuit, by walking very briskly, which is kind of a London thing to do.
Steve calls Adrian, who really wanted a new PS4, but has to settle for the override device. Steve’s worried that Adrian won’t like it, what with the dead terrorist blood all over it it, but agrees to meet him.
As soon as Adrian hangs up, he turns around, and Chloe is standing right there, wanting to know what’s going on. At first it’s a little hard to tell if she’s upset or not because all the black makeup and her lopsided haircut makes it tough to read her facial expression. Adrian tries to justify it by saying that he’s going to break into the world’s arsenals and let everyone know the codes by making a quick post on Twitter. At first, Chloe is completely relieved, because Adrian, like most people, has only a couple of followers, and they’re spambots. But then, he says he’s going to post it on Facebook, and she realizes that since he friends everyone he can for about eight hours a day while he’s waiting for computers to break into, the arsenal info could get a little more spread around than it should be. He even brings up her dead husband and son, but she looks really worried. They have an awkward hacker hug.
Creepy Spy Guy back at CIA calls Jack, who says there are these things called “passwords” that have some how locked him out of all the cameras that are around London, the same ones that they usually spy on everyone with. And gosh darn it, he’s stumped. Jack tells him to work on it and send backup right away. Creepy Spy Guy says that sending tape backups won’t help Jack, but he’ll send some guys over to help Jack right away. Jack’s previous brisk walk has now changed into a slow trot. Jack looks like he really regrets that Chloe isn’t handling this.
8:06 pm – Steve emerges from an alley, and nearly gets hit by the ONE truck that’s we’ve seen on the streets since the beginning of the show… and what do you know, Jack just happens to be in the vicinity. Steve runs, pulls out a gun while he’s running and happens across an army guard with a machine gun talking to someone right there on the street. The guy talking to the guard doesn’t seem to think this is weird at all, a guy with a gun running in London, and he doesn’t tell the guard he’s about to get hit. Steve hits him, and grabs the machine gun the guard drops. Then, in fit of rage, Steve shoots some helpless beer kegs near Jack. Steve uses up all the bullets right away, throws the gun away and runs. Jack heads right after him, but not before saying a few words to the recently departed beer kegs.
More dark alley running. Steve and Jack pull their guns… Jack has Steve cornered! ….But no, Steve goes into Mole form and gets away.
Steve calls Adrian, while running at top speed. It’s very lucky that Steve was an Olympic athlete in the “Making Phone Calls While Running At Top Speed” event. Steve arrives at the rendezvous point. Adrian tells him there’s an envelope containing money, a passport, and a do not pass Go ticket waiting for him in a cement mixer. Adrian then instructs Steve to drop the override device in a slot in the wall behind him, which he does. When Steve asks where the getaway car is, he seems kind of surprised that Adrian has already hung up the phone.
We see Adrian and Chloe walk off at this point, but Chloe doesn’t look to happy about it. It looks like Chloe is going to change her relationship status to “it’s complicated”.
Steve runs, with Jack in hot pursuit. Steve runs the wrong way, and happens to go in the exact direction of the pursuit team that Creepy Spy Guy sent, even though he had no real good idea where to send them. Steve kneels down, and puts his hands up, hoping this means he’ll be off the show this week. When he doesn’t find the device on Steve, even after a brief massage, Jack takes off, leaving Steve to be arrested.
Jack runs to the nearby subway station, and looks around, but doesn’t see anyone suspicious, except for the tons of people there. For some reason there weren’t many people on the streets, because they all are down here, riding the escalators and subways. Jack sees Adrian head downstairs, and runs after him. Jack rushes down the escalator past all the people there just for the ride, and narrowly misses getting on the subway car that Adrian and Chloe are on. Jack tries to run down the subway station platform, thinking that matching the car’s speed will slow it down, but it doesn’t work. Adrian sees him, but Chloe is staring off at other people in the car, wondering what color makeup would feel like.
The train pulls away, and Jack calls CIA to have the train tracked to find out where the train tracks will lead the train so he can follow in its tracks.
8:15 pm – It took five more minutes for Steve to be picked up from the ground off into one of the CIA cars. Meanwhile a walk-on extra tells Jack that the train he was chasing had the emergency break pulled. Jack is hopeful that the rest of the people on the subway car beat up Adrian for doing that, but since this is London, everyone was too polite to say anything. The extra tells Jack that two people left the train, and they have no way of tracking them.
Jack calls Kate to let her know Adrian has the device, and the Chloe is with him. Erik thinks that Chloe is a dirty stinking mole, but Jack isn’t sure.
Erik and Kate are actually at makeshift CIA headquarters, where Erik immediately gives a speech about he’s in charge, that Steve is a big doody-head, and that he’s going to finally get better coffee for the office.
Kate asks Creepy Spy Guy to figure out what Jordan was looking for, and to promise to run off and die the way Jordan did.
Back that the embassy, President Heller enjoys an alcoholic beverage just as Audrey walks in. She nags him that he can’t be taking his medication and alcohol because “believe me, it’ll make you loopy insane! Woooooo!” She tells him that Air Force One is on the tarmac, and ready to go. He’s unsure about this, and realizes she means the a copy of the movie on DVD, not the plane. Heller is disappointed that he didn’t get an agreement about the drone bases. And that he didn’t get to get blown up at the stadium, since no other president ever attempted that before. He tells her that he’s going to resign, and the vice-president is going to need to take over.
Mark walks in during the middle of Audrey’s scene with her father, and she almost breaks character because she’s so upset. It turns out that Mark has a phone call from Erik. Erik tells the President that the absolutely secure facility they have wasn’t absolutely secure enough to keep someone from stealing the override device. He also mentions that Jack happened to catch Steve, who was a mole. Also, that the override device has had its CPU overclocked, so now it can get past the basic firewall security that most countries have. Mainly because no one ever changes the default passwords. Jack’s headed back to “interrogate” Steve. Heller tells Mark he’s staying until they figure this out.
Creepy Spy Guy tells Kate and Erik that he found the information Jordan was looking for, which happens to completely clear Kate’s husband. The same husband everyone and their brother was telling us for scene after scene that he had sold secrets to the Chinese. Kate tries to run after Steve as he arrives, but Erik stops her from “interrogating” him. Erik sends her to a private office, which is completely private, except for all the glass walls.
Jack, who has arrived with Steve, asks what’s going on. Erik tells him, and Jack looks disappointed that Kate might actually get her husband back since he’s not really the spy everyone thought he was. Also, that Steve was the guy really selling the secrets.
Erik wants to use enhanced interrogation techniques on Steve, but Jack says it won’t work because Steve has a merit badge in interrogation resistance. Jack suggests using “Jack Bauer” interrogation techniques, which are much, much different – like the difference between Open Pit and Insanity Sauce. Jack’s pretty sure he can scare the snot out of Steve. Erik tells him, “If you cross the line, I’m pulling you.” Jack says, “Just so we’re clear, I wasn’t asking…that was me being courteous.”
Jack goes to Kate, who is still clearly upset about what Steve did. And it turns out that her husband won’t be getting out after all, since (yikes) he killed himself. Jack asks if she wants to step aside, since she’s still very upset.
Steve is in the interrogation room, not wearing a shirt, because there’s a “No-shirt, No-shoes, Interrogate” policy. We see that he’s got some black Tic-Tac boxes glued to his chest, wirelessly hooked up to a device they’re using to see if he’s a jerk or not. It’s registering that he is, so things are good to go as Kate and Jack walk into the observation room. Jack doesn’t appear to be interested in observing. He goes in to talk to Steve, and tells everyone else to leave the room.
Jack tells Steve he knows all about what Steve did in his previous life as a mole. He says, this is only going to end in one way – the death penalty! Wait…maybe two ways. If Steve tells where Adrian is, then they can probably not do the death penalty, so there are two ways this might end. Jack says he’ll keep it loose just in case there might be more ways this could end.
Steve is very unimpressed, and says he wants full immunity, a signed pardon, and a cheeseburger. He says he knows where Adrian is. Jack gives him one last chance, and Steve laughs this off. Jack decides to take matters into his own hands and … smacks Steve’s hand a bunch of times. Not exactly a “Jack Bauer” move, but in Jack’s defense it looked like he hit the hand really hard. A bunch of guards along with Erik, break up the fight. One of the guards clearly looks disappointed at Jack for not being more Jack-like. Kate is having none of this either, because she clearly wants to see Steve beaten up a lot more.
Erik tells Kate that he needs to make the case to the president that Steve might need immunity in order to find out where Adrian is. Kate looks extremely disappointed in Erik and Jack.
8:31pm – Mark tells his subordinate they’re going to need an immunity deal drawn up and signed by the president. Mark decides not to forge the president’s signature on this document, since the last time he did it the Russians found out about it. They continue down the hallway talking about this, until Mark realizes Audrey is at the other end. Too late! She saw them move. Mark does the brave thing and tells the subordinate to run and save himself. And also to get the document finished.
The first thing that Audrey says is, “I’m sorry I snapped at you.” She doesn’t say anything about the crying and barking. Mark’s upset for another reason… He’s still freaked out about Jack! All this hanging around Audrey has clearly rubbed off on Mark, and they spend a little while whining to each other… Even Audrey can’t take this, and walks out.
Mark calls the Russian consulate guy in frustration, and tells him where to get Jack Mark says he’ll send the secure code on Jack’s phone to the Russians, and in exchange the Russians will pretend that Mark never forged the president’s signature. They’ll also pretend he’s not a sleazy weasel, which will be tougher.
Adrian and Chloe get back in the car to head back to Adrian’s new hacker hideout. He puts the bag carrying the device in the back of the car. Chloe’s able to use the old “Put a coat over the bag and carry it away” combined with the “I have to pee” ruse to get the device out of the car, and herself away from Adrian.
This works so well, she can’t even believe it herself. She so stunned that she flags down a passing truck, which is not nearly far enough away from Adrian. After a few bullets in the truck, it drives off without her. Adrian grabs the bag from Chloe, and they argue briefly, and he makes her get back into the car.
At the makeshift CIA operating room, Steve already has his hand bandaged, and asks for something for the pain. The doctor replies that he has to put up with the pain of what’s going on in this story just like everyone else, and declines.
Kate, surprisingly walks right into the room, pulls a gun and smacks Steve around a little bit, and frankly a lot more effectively than Jack did earlier. She really looks like she wants to show how guns insert bullets into skulls, when Jack pulls a gun on her. Ordinarily, I’d say that this was Jack and Kate’s early courtship ritual, but it looks more serious than that. She keeps repeating that she doesn’t believe him, and scares him so badly he just blurts out that secret code he said he used in a tracking device he put on the override device. So, basically a secret device on another secret device.
She pulls away, and says, “Did you get that?” Creepy Spy Guy, in another room, runs a quick trace and…tada! Steve was telling the truth for once. Steve looks stunned that he was tricked like that. Kate tells him that she can’t wait until he’s executed for what he’s done, that she’ll be there, and she’ll bring some popcorn.
8:42 pm –Erik, settling right into his new job as the head guy, runs to find out what happened just before we went to commercial a few minutes ago, but is too late to be there. Jack just informs him that Kate got the info. Kate walks by Erik without saying a word. Erik, who appears to have been a good agent before being put in charge, doesn’t seem to understand how he became so incompetent so quickly,
President Heller talks to some top military guys who also happen to be vacationing in the London area, but are here to brief him on what’s going on. They consider it a big mistake for Heller to post about the existence of the override device on his blog, so he decides not to. Mark enters the room and says that they did everything they could to get the immunity deal ready, and that Steve should be talking any time now.
Heller informs him that Steve’s already spilled his guts. Since Jack is involved, he had to say that he meant Steve told them everything, and there were no real guts involved. He also tells Mark that Jack is leading the team to get the override device, which really concerns Mark since he’s got Russians leading the team to get the Jack Bauer.
On the phone, Jack tells Creepy Spy Guy that they’re going to have to go into the Adrian perimeter from a bunch of different directions. Some will go in from the south, some from the east and west. Jack is considering coming in from underneath but might parachute in because it would add to the difficultly. Or he might just drive in with Kate.
Kate’s being pretty quiet in the car, and regrets not believing her husband. She feels she’s the one that caused his death. When she asks Jack how she’ll live with that, he tells her that “you just do”. Shooting a lot of bad people helps too. He tells her about his tale of revenge, and he seems to regret some of the shooting. He says then, you’ll be able to forgive yourself.
Adrian and Chloe arrive at an abandoned tech lab, labeled “Abandoned Tech Lab”. Chloe wants to know if everyone knows what he wants to do with the override device. He assures her that they’ll all be happy to see her. They walk in, and either they were REALLY upset the Chloe was coming back and killed themselves, or someone else was there and killed them all. Or they’re part of some weird override device cult.
Adrian’s really upset, because he’s never seen real, live, dead people before. One guy is still alive. Chloe tries to comfort him, but he doesn’t look very comfortable.
…And in walks CHENG … Chloe recognizes him as soon as he walks in, and that’s how we know who it is. Cheng brings a bunch of thugs, who all carry guns.
Cheng is very upset at Adrian for trying to sell the override device he was supposed to be developing for the him. Adrian swears it’ll be better than the PS4, but Cheng doesn’t believe him. Cheng recognizes Chloe, but Adrian is surprised Chloe knows him.
Chloe tells Adrian that Cheng is the previous head of Chinese security, who kidnapped Jack and Audrey, and tortured both of them. Chloe says this is probably fates way of letting Jack get even with Cheng, or it could just be an idea that the “24” writers came up with as a way to end the show in a satisfying way. Whatever it is, Cheng is one bad dude.
Cheng’s upset that the device has changed. Adrian explains that Yates changed the override device to play Xbox games. Cheng suggests that Chloe switch it back. She refuses and so Cheng shoots Adrian in the leg. Chloe then agrees, because a holy Adrian would be even more self satisfied about giving out secrets. Also, a holey Adrian would be a bad thing, especially one with a hole in his head. He’d talk less… a lot less.
8:53 pm – Mark tries to talk to the Russian consul, but only gets his voice mail after pressing through the voice menus twice.
Jack is on the way to Adrian still, and gets the exact coordinates from Creepy Spy Guy.
Back at the previous hacker hideout, the hideout is still there, it’s just that the hackers are previous. Except for Chloe. She’s smart talking to Cheng while he stands over her shoulder trying to give her advice about how to program.
All of the sudden, they drag Chloe away from her terminal, and one of Cheng’s guys takes over. He’s a hacker too, and immediately deletes the virus Chloe sneezed into the firmware. They just need a way into the firmware, which, for anyone who knows anything about computers is as silly as having to ask how to get a memory dump. Ha Ha!…. anyway…
Adrian doesn’t think he’ll make it out alive, and confesses to Chloe that her husband and child’s death really was an accident… there was no one after Chloe in the first place.
Cheng’s hacker guy to quits playing Nethack on the device, and tells Cheng that he’s into Naval Command. Cheng says he’s into that too, and realizes that the guy mean the computer server. Cheng says “Draft the order”.
Cheng says they’re almost done, walks up and shoots Adrian. Chloe goes crazy.
Outside, Jack and Kate quietly make their way to the previous hacker hideout, when a truck broadsides them! The truck is either from Miami or from Russia, because it’s not following the rules of the road. Turns out, it’s the Russians, because of the Russian they speak. Also turns out that they’re ex-Russians because of the bullets Kate and Jack shoot. Another car arrives and shoots at Kate and Jack as they run off.
Inside, Cheng is ordering his hacker guy to send instructions to a nuclear submarine.
The nuclear sub gets a message to sink a Chinese carrier! They take no time at all carrying out the order, and firing the torpedoes. Someone’s going to need a new Chinese carrier.
NEXT TIME ON “24” – TWO EPISODES LEFT! AUDREY GIVING JACK ORDERS! FIRE! GUN ON MARK! MARK UNDER ARREST! CHINESE THREATS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
PREVIOUSLY ON “24” – We saw the make-shift CIA headquarters make an operating room appear out of nowhere; Kate and Jack were into trepanning – Simone, not so much; A baseball cap makes a great disguise; Jordan was paying attention in spy school; If you fly a helicopter anywhere in London no one will give it a second thought; Audrey cried….AGAIN; Completely open soccer stadiums in England with their lights on are just bait – they lay land mines in them at night; Margot and Ian were kind of surprised their plan worked; President Heller finally cracked up and went to pieces.
The following takes place between 7pm and 8pm –
7:00pm – Some needs to turn off the no smoking sign at Wembley. The Prime Minister is overcome with grief as the soccer stadium is blown up. He’s also kind of upset about The President, and gives Audrey his condolences.
At make-shift CIA headquarters, everyone’s wondering why Margot hates soccer stadiums so much. Kate explains that The President went out for a stroll, and exploded. Steve and Erik can’t believe it. Creepy Stalker Guy reports that several explosions happened off the coast of Dover, and those probably weren’t accompanied by exploding presidents.
At Margot’s House of Stadium Hate, Ian and Margot decide to send the last drone in for a nose dive, since Heller kept his word. They both think Margot’s husband (and Ian’s Dad), would have loved what they did with the drones, since he always hated soccer too.
Ian decides to play the exploding Heller tape one more time, and notices it has a YouTube logo down in the bottom of the screen! It was fake! Heller probably wasn’t there! They try and get the drone back.
HELLER IS ALIVE… or at least a remarkable facsimile of alive. Heller wants to know why he wasn’t told about this whole plan. Jack starts to explain that he WAS told the plan, like about 50 times, but he finally gave up… So he tells Heller they couldn’t risk it.
Chloe calls! All the drones are down! Yeah! Except for one… that looks like it is turning back. Boo.
Heller argues that he should have died in the first place, since he really wanted off the show. Jack says that he considers it a “good thing” that Heller didn’t die. Heller seems confused by this whole “alive” and “dead” concept.
Belachek drives up in a car, and Heller goes to try and take his take-out order. Then he asks to be driven back to the Presidential Headquarters. Jack convinces Heller to “stay dark”, so Jack can DO WANT HE DOES… and he runs off to the helicopter.
Heller tries to pull the whole “I am the American President!” ploy on Belachek, so he’ll give him a phone to call the Secret Service. Belachek tells him, A) he’s not American, B) this is not America, and C) it’s a TV show. Heller looks confused.
Jack calls Kate and asks to be patched into the Presidential Suite. Kate says she can’t do that since Jack is far away, but can probably do it with the phone call. Jack tells everyone that Heller is still alive, and everyone remarks how easy it is to hear Jack, despite him being in a noisy helicopter. Mark looks particularly happy that he won’t be looking for a new job.
Jack tells everyone listening that Margot still has a drone and is probably a little ticked off and will attack London. Audrey says that she once had ticks, but everyone ignores her. Jack goes on to explain that Heller is with one of his guys, and they’re probably out drinking somewhere while he takes care of Margot.
Kate asks Jack what he needs, and he says “man power”. Everyone breaks into a chorus of “It’s Raining Men”, but then they go back to normal. Jack tells them he’s going to take his quiet helicopter to find Margot, and that everyone needs to help Chloe as best as they can, because she’s in a bar with dial-up and a Timex Sinclair.
Kate’s worried about Jordan. Steve is MORE worried about Jordan.
7:12pm – Margot isn’t worried about Jordan at all, she’s more worried about what Ian is telling her about the drone possibly getting shot down. Ian just happens across some footage from the “24” that was shown just a few minutes ago which shows Jack talking to Heller. And a Sprint commercial, which they both agree is annoying. Ian wants to switch to AT&T and “reach out and touch someone”, namely Heller, with the last missile. Margot has a better plan… she’s going to teach Heller a lesson… in acting! No, my mistake. She wants to blow some people up. That’ll teach him!
7:17pm – Jack is taking his time flying to Margot, and gives traffic reports as Chloe tries to track where Margot is. She calls Adrian.
Adrian is sitting in his new hide out while people from Best Buy London set up all kinds of equipment behind him. Chloe asks Adrian for help tracing the signal from Margot, since she can’t triangulate it properly using the ancient bar technology she’s having to rely on. Adrian just happens to have a brand new version of hacking software, which triangulates really well. We can tell his because it draws an actual triangle on the map.
7:20 p – Chloe calls Jack and tells him that if he lands his helicopter on the dot on the triangle, she’s pretty sure that Margot will be dead because of a helicopter landing on her. Kate’s on the line too, and they’re both heading to Margot. Chloe suggests they shut off the power because that’ll make it easier to find Margot and it’ll tick her off at the same time, because no one likes losing their internet during 24.
Kate and Erik drive up, and she immediately knows this is the right place because people start shooting at her car. There’s lots of shooting, and Jack seems a little jealous that he’s not there. He tells Kate to take out a junction box that Chloe found while he lands on the roof. He hopes to land the helicopter on the roof too.
Meanwhile, the drone is headed to London, hoping to do some shooting of its own.
Jack lands the helicopter, and as a bonus gift, gets to shoot people right away.
Kate blows up the power box, and in a completely unbelievable display, the power company gets it back online within 30 seconds.
That’s just enough time for Chloe to pinpoint the exact floor, room and rental agreement of the location that Margot and Ian are in.
Margot and Ian set the target to Waterloo station. That information is relayed to everyone else, and the Prime Minister calls for an immediate evacuation, because if people don’t get out of there and they see that drone missile headed their way, there are going to be many immediate evacuations.
Back at the building where Margot is hiding out, Jack searches for other ways in, while Kate and Erik shoot as many people as possible.
The room where Margot and Ian are hiding out has really great glass because they appear not to have heard any of the shooting or explosions outside. Ian says now would be a great time to get away, since the drone is locked in. Margot really wants to stay, just in case the drone reboots or something. Ian thinks it would be a great time to become like a shepard and get the flock out of there, but after Margot pulls a gun on him, he decides to not get the flock out of there. Margot gives Ian a creepy hug.
On the roof, Jack pulls some electrical cable and ties it to a railing, because he’s always wanted to go wall climbing in London. Meanwhile, the CIA guys with armor get shot down in a hallway by some of Margot’s guys, while Kate, wearing no armor, doesn’t get close to getting shot.
Jack repels off the building, going “hut hut hut” all the way to the room where Margot is. He can tell that’s where Margot is because she finally hears a noise, and notices Jack dangling outside the window. Ian shoots the windows out, and foolishly goes to check to see what happened to Jack. Jack grabs Ian, and pulls him outside so Ian can get a better look at the ground, up close and personal. Ian takes this to an extreme and splats on the ground.
Jack climbs into the room. Margot, for some reason, has already put her gun back in her purse and can’t get it out in time, so Jack shoots her… for being a terrorist AND for being stupid. The missile fires!
Chloe tells Jack what to do on the computer while he holds Margot in one hand, and types in commands with the other. He grabs Ian’s video game joystick and diverts the missile to the water. The missile explodes exactly like the one at Wembley except with less dirt and more water. There are going to be a lot of swimmers that are angry about the hole in the water that’s….wait… never mind.
At the presidential suite, they realize Jack saved the people at Waterloo station, and start applauding, even though Jack isn’t there to hear it.
At Margot’s Hideout of Failed Drone Attacks, she tells Jack that literally tens of people got hurt because of him, with hangnails, and everything. Jack doesn’t take this very kindly, and decides to give Margot a flying lesson out the window, just like Ian’s flying lesson. It ends the same way, and it’s very messy.
7:33 pm – Belachek drives Heller back to the Presidential Headquarters, comparing his name to Madonna and Cher. Only as a guy.
The Prime Minister, Mark and Audrey all congratulate Heller on not dying and on ending the show about two and half hours earlier than anyone expected.
Jack is gathering up the equipment and wants to have the override device that Ian was using analyzed. Oh, and Margot and Ian are dead. Like dead, dead. Not like Heller “dead”.
Kate and Jack exchange a meaningful, “Wow, isn’t it great shooting people?” glances as Jack leaves and Kate gets a phone call.
It’s one of the policemen Kate works with “in the field”. He says, “I’m standing next to two bodies, and I think one of them is yours”. Kate’s pretty sure it’s not her body, since she’s standing in it right at that moment, so it must be someone else. She asks how the guy knows it’s someone from the CIA, and he says “he’s got CIA tattooed on the back of the neck”, just like the clergy do with their diocese in England. Also state credentials in his pocket, which is a dead giveaway. Much like Jordan, who is identified as the dead guy. Kate’s shaken up by this. Erik can’t believe it either.
Kate calls Steve and he acts surprised that Jordan is dead! And REALLY surprised that The Cleaner’s body is there too. People around him want to know what’s going on, but Steve acts strangely as he moves away. Steve immediately goes to a cabinet in his glass-enclosed office, takes out a phone in full view of everyone, which if they happened to be looking at him after he acted so strangely, they would have seen… but of course no one sees it.
Steve calls Adrian in a panic, and asks Adrian for help getting out of there. All Adrian wants is the override the device. Steve just has to figure out a way to get it out of there.
7:44 pm – Jack is having a good time flying the helicopter, while Erik and Kate have a much less good time identifying Jordan’s body. Using their powers of deduction, the policeman, Kate and Erik decide Jordan and unidentified guy killed each other. They’re pretty sure because of all the bullet holes, blood and wrench impressions in heads. Kate asks for Erik’s phone because he has a fingerprint-checking app on it, and she wants to know who the heck this unidentified guy is.
Chloe steps outside of the bar and receives a call from Jack. Jack wants her to look at the override device, but she refuses, and tells Jack goodbye. A car drives up, and proving that too much black makeup can do bad things to your brain, she gets in with Adrian, who thanks her for giving him a second chance.
7:46 pm – At make-shift CIA headquarters, Jack arrives with the device. Steve nervously looks on while the device is taken to a different room. Jack learns of Jordan’s death and thinks this is really weird, even for 24. Jack calls Kate who sends Jack the fingerprint scan. Steve feebly tries to dissuade Jack from sending the fingerprints to someone who can figure out who the dead body used to be, but Jack isn’t buying it. Steve looks REALLY nervous.
7:53 pm – Jack talks to his contact back in Washington, who still hasn’t figured out who the guy is. He’s even searching Facebook and Twitter. He says he’ll call Jack as soon as he knows who the guy is.
The analyst who’s been looking at the device is so good that he doesn’t even have to touch the thing to realize it can break into any defense system, and it isn’t just for drones. Jack wonders if that was really the case, why didn’t Margot use it to control nuclear weapons. He’s about to say something about that when he gets a phone call from Audrey. Jack leaves Steve alone with the analyst. Audrey wants to talk about how grateful she is that her crying cat collection is safe. Oh, and she’s happy about her dad too. Jack receives a life-saving phone call, and is able to hang up on Audrey, because it’s his contact back in Washington. He goes off to take the call and hangs up on her.
Steve, meanwhile, decides to give the analyst a very unwanted hug around the throat, making him pass out. No one notices this, even though there are windows all around. Steve takes the device.
Jack’s contact tells Jack that the dead guy is really working for Steve Navarro. Jack goes after him.
Steve leaves the building and Jack follows. Steve very stupidly starts shooting at Jack, and we know it’s serious because they start using colored green lights everywhere while they chase each other. Steve’s a remarkably good runner for someone in dress shoes, and he outruns Jack.
Elsewhere, Chloe gets out of Adrian’s car at a gas station, probably to go to the little developer’s room. Adrian takes the opportunity to call Steve, who wants to know what Adrian wants to do with the secret “control any defense system” device. They plan to meet at a place nearby.
Chloe gets back into the car and KISSES ADRIAN. Thousands of heads of “24” fans all over the country explode. Adrian and Chloe drive off.
NEXT TIME ON “24”! SHOOTING! ADRIAN HAS THE DEVICE! NUCLEAR SUBS! LAUNCHING MISSLES! CHLOE IS SEEING THE DOWNSIDE OF BEING ADRIAN’S GIRLFRIEND! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
PREVIOUSLY ON “24”: Margot and Ian tried to use a drone to deliver something to Simone; Jack’s quick driving makes things explode behind him; Jordan learned being out in the field is a little tougher than it sounds; Mark wants to deliver Jack to the Russians; The President made a decision – but we’re not sure he remembers what the decision was.
The following takes place between 6pm and 7pm –
6pm – Hodor! Hodor, Hodor…. Hodor! …..Whoops. Sorry. That was last night.
6pm – Simone is a GREAT sleeper, because she slept all the way to the make-shift CIA headquarters, which just happens to have an operating room. They’re really prepared at the CIA. Just to check to see if she’s faking, they say they’re going to drill a hole in her head. She doesn’t budge.
Margot and Ian are packing an entire house in a van. Margot tells a very surprised Ian that President Heller might actually meet her demands, which include a pack of Jelly Babies, which she’s not been able to find anywhere in England.
At the US Embassy, Jack is sitting is either sitting in a big boy chair, or people in England are HUGE. He gets a phone call. It’s Kate. She tells him that Simone is going to be induced. Jack says he didn’t even know Simone was pregnant. Kate says she meant induce a coma. Jack says that she’s been in England too long, and it’s pronounced “comma”, and besides, he wants to make sure Simone wakes up, even if it kills her. He hangs up and gets a disapproving stare from Mr. Judgmental Secret Service Agent.
At CIA, Steve calls his “cleaner”, using a phone from his cabinet of Mole Phones. The cleaner is terrible at cleaning. Also at shooting, because Jordan is still alive. Steve is worried that Jordan might figure out that the people shooting at him want him dead.
The cleaner goes on a really intensive search, standing in place, and notices that Jordan left a blood trail. Jordan limps along, while holding his shoulder, which is what you do when your legs are OK, but your shoulder is shot. He checks his phone, and immediately regrets not buying the “in case you get shot” app.
Heller calls Jack into the room to meet with him, just to waste Jack’s time which would be better spent thigh shooting. Heller tells Jack that he’s going to ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do. Jack says it’s too late, he’s already agreed to be on another season of “24”. Heller tells him, “No, not that, I mean something else”. He explains that he spoke to Margot, and that he’s going to let Margot kill him at Wembley stadium. Heller doesn’t seem to see the problem with this.
Heller shows him a TV guide, and tells Jack it’s actually a resignation letter, effective in an hour. Jack doesn’t like this one bit, because he’s always been upset every time other presidents have died when he was nearby. Like President All State. But not President Manilow. Jack dons his Jack Pack and starts to leave, but stops when Heller admits he has Alzheimer’s. Heller starts yelling at Jack that it’s the only way to stop Margot from killing again. He’s pretty darn sure that a terrorist like that would keep her word, because he has no evidence that she would keep her word, which logically means she could probably almost sorta in a very likely way not not not keep her word. He thinks. Jack tries a Jack Stare but it doesn’t work.
Heller tells Jack, “If you were standing here in my shoes in my exact same position, you’d do the same thing.” Jack says, “If I were in your shoes in your exact same position, it would have been because of a transporter accident, and we both know that can’t happen.” Jack agrees to take Heller to Wembley stadium, but he’ll need another person to help, because if Audrey even sniffs that’s something up, she’ll start howling, and nobody wants that.
6:13 pm – The best person that Heller can find is Mark, which must mean that there is no one else in the building. Heller convinces Mark to go along with this by suggesting that the VP will hire Mark… all he has to do is convince the VP that the whole “allowing the President to die” is something that would never in a bajillion years happen again. Mark seems a little worried because up until now, no one has seen the VP, and the VP might be a figment of Heller’s imagination.
Jack calls Kate. She tells him that Simone hasn’t woken up. This upsets Jack, who tells Kate that she should have pushed the doctor. Kate responds that the doctor isn’t a Weeble, and even the doctor was a Weeble, he’d pop right back up and say that Simone would be in grave danger. Jack reminds her that lots of people will be in graves if they don’t do something right away. Jack tells Heller’s plan and then uses a bad word, which convinces Kate.
Kate goes in and tries to convince the doctor to wake Simone up. When asking nicely doesn’t work, she switches to Bauer mode and pulls a gun on the doctor, who asks “Who do you think you are?” Kate rolls her eyes and asks him if everyone is getting Alzheimer’s around here. He comes to his senses and gives Simone the medical wake-up juice that ever doctor has on hand.
Simone wakes up. Kate tells Simone about how Margot is really bad person, and that she’d like to blow up a bunch of people, which doesn’t convince her until Kate reminds her of those giant explosions with Simone’s name written all over them. Simone finally gives Kate an address, but says that Margot won’t be there, and she has no idea where she could be. Kate asks if there’s anything else Simone can give her. Simone looks like she’d like to give Kate a lap full of barf, but instead tells her about the CD under the floorboards, and oh, by the way, she’ll have a heart attack. Which she does, since she knows the doctors are nearby and have nothing else to do at the moment. Kate’s so moved by this that she calls to have a team meet her at Margot’s house.
At the Embassy, Jack is shocked that Heller’s go-to guy is Mark. Heller tells them both that time, like Jack, is short, and they should work out a plan. He leaves.
6:18 pm – Mark asks what he can do to help Jack, and Jack gives him all kinds of information, which Mark somehow remembers. He says he’ll incapacitate everyone by holding a full building staff meeting, which should put everyone to sleep.
Kate calls, and tells Jack the information about the disk that Simone gave her. Jack tells her to upload it to Chloe when they find it. Kate tells him that she’ll upload it to Chloe’s computer instead, because despite being Chloe, she probably can’t have information directly uploaded to her yet.
Heller wanders down the hall, and enters a room where Audrey is busily banging a way at a keyboard. Bob Newhart is in the corner observing her progress: “To be or not to be, that is the gazorninblat…”.
Audrey notices Heller walk into the room. Heller asks to see a picture of Audrey, her mother, and himself at the beach, and notices a statue of liberty in the background of the picture. He looks at Audrey as she returns to what she was doing and realizes that statue explains a lot of things about Audrey.
6:25 pm – Mark gives Jack some information about the Secret Service detail. Mark tells him that he’s going to have that meeting in a few minutes, and just to be sure everyone will be occupied, he’s going to have them fill out TPS reports.
Steve gets a phone call from Jordan! Jordan is really upset about this whole “getting shot at” thing, and doesn’t like field work ONE BIT. He wants to come out of the pool, RIGHT NOW. Jordan tells him exactly where he is, which is in a police box outside of a motorcycle shop. Jordan doesn’t realize it’s actually a phone booth, because if it were a police box, he’d be dodging Daleks by now. Jordan hangs up, and Steve immediately calls the cleaner to take Jordan out to the cleaners.
Back at the embassy, Jack does some surgery on the President to remove his secret decoder chip. As a reward, Heller gets a SpongeBob bandaid.
Heller dons a clever disguise so that no one will recognize him while they walk through the building: a HAT! I can’t even recognize him.
6:28 pm – Jack and the President walk through the hallway, having no issues as they walk through until they get to the fire exit. Heller points out that they’re not on fire, so they probably can’t exit that way. A Secret Service agent interrupts them, and Heller gets a first hand look at Jack using his first hand to knock the Secret Service agent out in one punch. They exit to the street, where Heller blends right in with all the other people in London that wear baseball caps.
6:37 pm – Jack gets to a helicopter, and Heller immediately blows their cover by telling the guy who got the helicopter there who he is. Jack starts the helicopter, and plays classical music out the loudspeakers to throw everyone off the trail.
The cleaner doesn’t follow the directions that Steve gave him very well, because he can’t tell where the heck Jordan is. It turns out that Jordan is right behind him, and cleans the Cleaner of his weapons. Jordan tells him that he knows Steve is behind this whole thing, but he just wants to know: Is it because of that time he wasn’t asked out to lunch along with everyone else? The Cleaner tries to use the old “Hey, is the safety on or off” on Steve, which surprisingly, works. The cleaner pulls a little, tiny, but sharp knife out of the back of his head and attacks Jordan. They get into a hand-to-hand struggle, just as the phone rings. This distracts them both. Jordan gets knifed, and the Cleaner gets gunned. The Cleaner is dead. Jordan looks like he really regrets going into the field.
6:41 pm – Up in the helicopter, Jack’s switched from classical music to weird mood music.
At the Al-Harazi house, a bunch of guys that are completely invisible under the cover of darkness give themselves away by putting lights at the end of their guns. The guys pull up the floor boards, and obviously aren’t computer guys, because they THINK, that POSSIBLY the hard drive they just found hiding under there might be the computer drive they’ve been looking for. Kate keeps them busy by telling them to look for more, just in case. Meanwhile, one of the guys uploads the drive to make-shift CIA headquarters. And boy, has the wireless internet speed gotten a lot faster in the last hour, because that whole hard drive uploads in no time flat.
Kate looks for Jordan, and that creepy guy from last episode tells her he’s not sure where the heck Jordan is. Jordan’s been gone for about an hour, and he hasn’t had anyone to stalk for all that time. Kate has him send the drive data to Chloe, which probably got uploaded before you read the end of this sentence.
Kate goes to talk to Steve, who can’t possibly figure out where Jordan might be, but he’s darned sure that he should be at his workstation. She tells Steve that Margot got a 30 minute head start, which means they could be in a 500 square mile radius of the house by now, because people in England drive faster than a NASCAR racers.
Margot and Ian are finishing setting up in a non-descript building, which looks like the back of another building we’ve already seen, except it’s at night. Ian and Margot argue about whether or not they should use the rest of the drones, but Margot insists that a Stark always pays her debts. Ian tries to point out that it’s Lannisters, and that it’s not even the same show. Margot then insists that they’ll be all Even-Steven when Heller dies.
Outside of Wembley stadium, Jack announces they’re outside of Wembley stadium. London has remarkably lax airspace laws, so no one bothers them at all.
Chloe calls Jack as they land. Chloe’s using the data from the drive to hack into the drone system from a bar. She hasn’t had a drink, so it’s making it tougher. Jack tells her to do the best she can. But figure out the drone thing first, and then get a beer. Heller and Jack go into the stadium, which just happens to have all the lights turned on, and is wide open.
6:51pm – Adrian calls Steve to confirm Jordan is dead, and Steve pinky swears he is.
Adrian then calls Chloe, and says that he has a snug little spot where they can deliver state secrets over the internet just like old times. Chloe says she’s a little busy and can’t help right now and hangs up on him. She never stops typing.
Back at the Embassy, Mark is surprised that he’s looking for Audrey. But he is. A nearby Secret Service agent points at the door and warns Mark that Audrey is in there, but he goes in anyway.
Someone taught Audrey how to read! She’s really freaked out because she knows what Heller is going to do. Mark picks that time not to say anything at the wrong time, and Audrey goes into meltdown mode when she realizes Mark knew the whole time. Mark insists that they keep this quiet, because it’s what Heller wanted to do. Audrey tries to cry some more, but can’t remember how.
6:55pm – Heller tells Jack that he gave him a pardon, so he can go back to the US any time he wants. Jack is about to point out that people might not believe Heller is in his right mind, going out to get blown up in a completely unguarded stadium. Chloe calls. She insists on describing how hard it is to decode all the data she’s seeing, as Jack watches Heller walk out in to the middle of the soccer field. He takes off his disguise hat. And his glasses. Just to be sure he’s recognized.
Margot and Ian watch on the drone cam, and realize Heller is really there. Margot insists on pulling the trigger on the drone missile, even though she’s never played this game before, and fires the missile. Heller explodes. Soon, every soccer fan in England will be after Margot and Ian when they realize what happened to their stadium.
NEXT TIME ON 24: DEAD PRESIDENT! MISSILES! DONES! THROWING PEOPLE OUT OF BUILDINGS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!