Category: Humor

24: Live Another Day – Hour 7 Recap

24
PREVIOUSLY ON 24: Steve talked to his hat after he nearly exploded; Jack asked permission to take Kate out so they can go thigh shooting together; Jack then asked Kate to hang out with some of the friends he’s been around recently, but she misunderstood what “hang out” meant; Navid’s perfectly good cell phone was almost thrown away along with his body bag; The Prime Minister proved he has American instincts when it comes to trusting Jack; Rask misunderstood Kate’s request to be drilled on questions for an upcoming CIA test; Rask was so upset by this he pulled the pin on a grenade and exploded into a thousand pieces of confetti; Simone’s sister-in-law didn’t get the point, until she got the point; Simone looked like she got hit by a bus; Steve turned out to be a mole, and while I have this opportunity, I should remind people not all people named Steve are moles.

The following takes place between 5pm and 6pm:

5:00 pm – Simone is in the street being treated for her wounds after getting hit by a bus, so naturally the police continue to ride horses around right on top of her. Simone’s niece identifies her as the killer of her Mom.

Across town, Kate loses count of all the bodies they’re already taking out of the factory they just had a shoot out in, so she’s not sure who’s ahead on the scoreboard, but we think it’s Jack. Jack notices that his friend Belacheck is one of the people NOT killed during the raid, and releases him back into the wild, much to the chagrin of the MI-5 agent in charge. Chloe calls Jack to tell her the results of her “Where’s Simone” game, which turned out to be pretty easy because Simone was the only one wearing a red and white striped knit hat and matching sweater. Also, the only one that got hit by a bus.

While Chloe is on the phone, Chloe’s computer, which is always looking out for her, prints a “GET OUT OF THERE!” message. It’s clearly the computer used to win the Turing contest. She sees the police coming into the building, and gets the heck out of there, while Jack and Kate also get the heck out of where they are.

Back at the President’s office, Mark explains that a message he’s just given the president is coordinates for Margot. The President wants to know if they can trace the video stream back to her, and Mark points out that a piece of paper doesn’t have a video stream, since it is just a piece of paper.

Jack calls the President and tells him about Simone. Jack thinks Margot hasn’t figured out that Simone has been hit by a bus yet, which is a pretty good bet since Margot (for the time being) doesn’t have superpowers to allow her to find that out. The President, under the impression he can do whatever he wants in whatever country he’s in, says he’ll send someone to the hospital to guard Simone. Jack also complains that MI-5 was there, which really put a kink in his thigh shooting, since he couldn’t just shoot everyone in sight. The president says he’ll take care of that, and conveniently the Prime Minister arrives.

The Prime Minister and the President have a yelling match, complete with spit flying out of each others mouths, which is frankly yucky. The Prime Minister pulls out the “hey, tell me about your health” card. Heller says, “If you have a question about my health, you should have come and asked.” This confuses the Prime Minister since he JUST ASKED THAT. The President is really upset by this, enough to say that he’d resign from trying to sell gold to people, if that’s what it took.

The President goes on to explain that Jack has a line on Margot, but more like an idea of how to get to her, rather than something with Cartesian Coordinates. The Prime Minister promises he’ll do everything he can to help Jack.

Meanwhile, on the ambulance, the paramedics talk about all the various injuries Simone has, trying to make each other barf. They even get to the chopped off finger, but neither of them even come close to hurling. Just then, her phone rings! It’s Margot, calling from the House of Don’t Send Your Daughter Out To Kill Her Sister-In-Law Because She’ll Screw It Up. The paramedic explains that Simone challenged a bus to a fight, and lost. Margot says she’ll go to the hospital right away, and hangs up… just as the paramedic asks her name. For some reason, Simone has the only smart phone on earth that doesn’t display caller ID.

Margot, clearly upset that Simone is on her way to the hospital, tells her son, Ian, to send Karem to the hospital to see if anyone knows who Simone is. Ian looks worried that Margot may be catching Heller’s forgetfulness, but makes the call.

COMMERCIAL

5:15pm – At CIA HQ in London, Jordan is playing the ASCII game “Find the Missing Pieces” on the data file that Steve the Mole told him not to look at. He’s interrupted by a creepy guy named Gavin who stalked up behind him, to ask for some “files”.

Steve gets a phone call from “Unknown” which, in every single movie that’s ever happened, is not a good thing. Of course, Steve picks it up. It turns out it’s Husky Voice, who tells him Jordan is decrypting the files using a very recent version of Norton Utilities, so Steve better hurry before Jordan figures out the whole “Mole” thing. Husky Voice turns out to be Adrian! And Adrian really wants Steve to do something about Jordan right away.

At the hospital, Jack runs in with Kate and yells “Are you in charge?” The Agent there says no, her name is not “In Charge”, it’s Helen.

5:17pm – Helen explains that Simone can’t do much talking, being unconscious and all. Kate goes downstairs to talk to Simone’s niece, who they mistakenly name “In Shock”.

The doctor comes out and tells Jack that he won’t be able to talk to Simone, until Jack uses Jack Voice to explain that he will be able to speak with Simone and this is exactly the droid he’s looking for.

Karem shows up at the hospital, and doesn’t look the least bit suspicious looking all over the place, while he searches for a place to steal a hospital outfit.

Kate finds Jasmine, Simone’s niece, and offers her a butter beer. Jasmine explains everything that happened at her house, and sounds completely normal until she gets a sinister sound in her voice when she says that she hopes Simone dies. Kate relays this information to Jack, and tells him that since Simone was trying to warn her sister-in-law to get out of the city, there’s a good chance she could turn on her mother.

And what do you know, Karem is already finished changing clothes and just happens to overhear this whole thing. Margot gets crazy eyes when Karem tells her that Simone was trying to warn them to get out of London. She tells Ian to move a drone within range of the hospital. Ian thinking about pointing out that it’s more of a fly the drone thing, not move, but thinks better of it, when Margot tells him that Simone is not about to betray her again.

COMMERCIAL

While watching The Prime Minister Channel, Jordan gets called into Steve’s office to “pick up a package” at a houseboat. Jordan thinks this a little weird since he’s not technically a “field op” but more of a “sys op”. He’s pretty excited though, since anything would beat having Gavin sneak up on him again, so he thanks Steve and goes out into the field. He quickly returns and says he’ll head to the houseboat instead of the field, because fields don’t usually have boats in them.

At Mark’s office, he and Audrey watch The Prime Minister Channel too. We see that it has the caption “The Prime Minister Speaks”, which is apparently a new thing, so new that they have to point that out in a caption. The President enters the room and tells him that he faked his way through the whole “health” thing with the Prime Minister. He tells Audrey that it was “Arrogant, vain and stupid” to think that he could remain in office, while simultaneously pointing out that “Arrogant, vain and stupid” is Audrey’s nickname.

The President tells Mark to get the Vice President up to speed on turning over the presidency, which upsets Mark because he’s clearly been sucking up to the wrong person for a long time now.

At the Hospital, Jack looks at Simone’s chopped off finger and is clearly impressed by the blood clotting capabilities of her body. Kate entries the room as Jack wakes Simone. He asks if, since she tried to warn her sister-in-law about the London bombing, it’d just be darn swell if she would help him find Margot.

Simone doesn’t like this at all. Seems her attachment to her finger, or lack thereof, hasn’t made any difference, and she says she won’t betray Margot. Jack presses on what’s left of her finger, and asks if that’s the little finger that went “weeeeee! All the way home”. Simone says that her mother would never hurt her, it was only a flesh wound, and passes out. Kate goes out in the hallway to barf. She appears to be more upset that Jack pressed on the finger, than all the terrorists they shot less than an hour ago.

Out in the hallway, Jack immediately recognizes that a guy in the hallway, who happens to be Karem, shouldn’t be there. Helen, who is talking to a police officer, tries to get Karem to stop right there. Karem shoots! It must have been a heck of a shot too, because the police officer that Helen was just talking to completely disappears! Karem fires a few more times and runs!

Jack and Kate give a short chase, catch up to Karem just as two officers fire on him twice, killing him. Jack’s sure he’s dead because instead of just two bullet wounds, there are three, two in the chest and one in the arm and a gun by his elbow. The gun by the elbow is clearly physically impossible, unless Karem was one of those elbow sharpshooters. Jack finds Karem’s phone, and Margot has posted on Karem’s Facebook page that he has a very short time to get out of the hospital.

Jack uses his Jack Voice to tell Helen to clear the hospital because it’s about to be blown up. Kate runs off to the bathroom. Or maybe to get Jasmine. Maybe both.

COMMERCIAL

5:40 pm – Chloe’s at a place where anyone in their right mind, knowing what was about to happen, would go: a pub.

Back at Margot’s House of No Betrayals Allowed, Ian loves the fact that he spent all the time he did on Air Flight Simulator, because it makes this drone thing a LOT easier to fly. Which is a good thing, seeing how touchy Margot is being today.

At the Hospital, Jack races through while on the phone with Chloe. He runs into Simone’s room and tells her that Margot is about to blow up the place. Simone swears her Mom would never, ever do such a thing. Jack says, “Fine, you believe that? Stay here.” He drops her right there and walks off. Simone says, “Wait… by ‘never do such a thing’, I meant ‘of course she would do such a thing'”. Jack grabs her and gets her moving again.

Kate races through the hospital and can’t find Jasmine where she left her. This surprises Kate, because, for some reason, she expected a little girl to hear sirens and people evacuating the hospital to be right where she was before. Because only a really stupid kid wouldn’t leave. Well, it turns out Jasmine is a really stupid kid, because she’s just about where Kate left her. Kate grabs Jasmine and leaves.

Back at Margot’s House of the Incredible Drone Flying Gizmo, Ian is really excited to try out some of the new features in the program he’s been playing.

The hospital continues to be evacuated, while Margot and Ian launch a missile which hits the hospital. It turns out that Ian is REALLY good at the simulator. So good, in fact, that he and Margot get an image of Simone, Jack and Kate getting into Jack’s car, even though the image is in reverse black and white. This can easily be explained away by the reverse black and white images of her children that Margot has hanging up in her house.

Anyway, Margot tells Ian to fire a missile. Good thing it was one of those discount missiles without a homing mechanism too, because Jack’s car is able to get out of the way of the missile just at the last second. The explosions pretty much convince Simone that her mom is a little bit ticked off. Well, that and the horrific devastation that the missile just caused to everyone at the hospital.

Jack’s not sure where the drone is, so he drives like a maniac, which is to say, like an American driver, through the streets of London. Ian fires, but misses. It’s not a completely loss though, because it takes out a blood pudding factory, which is really gross anyway. The whole building explodes.

Jack turns the corner, right into a traffic jam. He tries to back up, and when he can’t, he does what anyone else would do: He gets out of his car, belts someone in the face, and takes off in THEIR car. Kate brings Simone along. They jump into this new car, and get away. Ian misses his opportunity because he’s more interested in narrating what he’s doing, instead of just doing it and firing the missile.

Jack drives to a tunnel. He jumps out of the car and tells Kate they need to get another car, which happens to drive by just at that moment. Jack orders the guy driving out of his car, which he does. Then Jack goes to a homeless guy, takes the guy’s favorite brick, tells the guy not to move, and uses the brick to press the gas on the first car they were driving. The car speeds out of the tunnel, and Ian takes the shot. The missile hit the car and it explodes. So does the car. The homeless guy is a little ticked off that 1) Jack didn’t even tell him to duck, and 2) that was his favorite brick.

Ian is really happy that the car exploded, and asks Margot how many points that was worth, because the score wasn’t coming up on the screen. These drones have very good cameras, because Margot notices that the car was empty.

As they drive away, Kate mentions that Simone is in rough shape. It was probably the black eyes, the cuts on her cheek and missing finger that tipped her off.

COMMERCIAL

5:52pm – Jordan is still on his way to the house boat, which is named Sophie. The doors, are strangely locked, which throws Jordan off. Then he’s hit in the arm by a bullet, which really throws him off… the boat. The guy who shot Jordan looks for him but doesn’t see a body.

Meanwhile, Mark meets up with the Russian Deputy Minister. The Minister wants “The Criminal Jack Bauer”. Mark tries to explain that Jack can’t really be turned over at the moment, because he’s busy saving the day. And besides his name is currently “The Hero Jack Bauer”. The Minister knows the real truth about the extradition papers though, and tells Mark he’s pretty sure that Heller never signed any papers to turn over Jack. He’s also aware of Jack’s previous relationship with Mark’s wife, Audrey. Then Mark says something we ALL wish would have happened to this season of 24: “Leave my wife out of this”.

Mark explains that he just can’t run out and get Jack to turn himself over. The Russian basically repeats this, and just can’t believe it. Mark says that he’ll turn Jack over as soon as Jack saves the day.

The President watches the report of the hospital attack and calls Jack. He wants to see Jack at his office ASAP, even though Jack is out in the field trying everything he can to save the day. Jack tells Kate that they’re going to a place to try and save Simone long enough to get her to talk, and that he has to go to talk to the president. They might actually slow down the car for one or both of these events.

A minion brings the President a paper on Margot with her channel information. It’s in cartoons so he can understand it. The minion drops off The President’s “good jacket”

5:57 pm – Jordan crawls out of the river! It’s a yucky river too.

The President calls Margot, and they talk pleasantly to each other. He asks Margot if he can trust her! He’s clearly insane. Margot says he can trust her to end this. He says he’s already made his decision about turning himself over.

TIME’S UP!

NEXT TIME ON 24 – SIMONE ISN’T GOOD! GUNS ON DOCTORS! THE PRESIDENT WANTS TO GO WATCH TENNIS! MISSILES! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

24: Live Another Day – Hour 6 Recap

Previously on “24” – Everyone ignored Jack’s warning, again; Simone really didn’t have Navid’s back; Audrey spoke in tongues to Jack, and tried to poke out his eye with her nose; I couldn’t tell whether that guy was named Navid or Navin; The Margot Channel is a new cable station in London; Downton Abbey exploded.

The following takes place between 4pm and 5pm:

4pm – Steve and Erik are explosive proof! President Heller is surprised that the bombing of Downton Abbey is an ambush! What a surprise. The Prime Minister is pretty upset about the bombs, but a little more upset that the President seems to be repeating himself.

On the way out, an assistant tells the Prime Minister that Heller might be getting a wee bit forgetful.

Heller meets with Jack. He tells Jack that Margot has commandeered a whole bunch of the drones, and intends to use them. He’d like to know if Jack’s “special friend” will help them, or if he’s imaginary, the way all the little people dancing in the room with them are “imaginary”. Jack says this guy is the only chance they’ve got, but he can’t be bought. Not even at a discount.

Outside at the bombed out site, Steve (no relation) is still a little woozy, and is talking to his hat. He recovers, and begins talking to the camera that’s on his hat, which is linked back to the CIA make-shift headquarters where Jordan is listening.

Heller calls Steve, and tells him that Jack is going to operate in the dark. No light bulbs or anything. It might scare the patient, but it will be completely worth it to see the look on their face after the surgery. They convince Jack that it would probably be a good idea to go out into the field instead. Heller says they should give Jack whatever he needs, plus silence, which means no Audrey. Jack says that he’ll need an unmarked car, a clean phone, field interrogation kit, a weapons package, and Kate. Mostly the guns.

Jordan tells Kate that she’s back in the field, with Jack! Jordan’s worried that Kate won’t have any backup, but forgets that Jack IS the back up.

Back at the House of Margot’s TV Station, Ian is taking a flight with the drones that looks a lot like a scene from the Neverending Story. Then he makes a serious mistake by telling Margot he’s worried about Simone, forgetting the last person that was worried about Simone is dead. Margot slaps him for it.

Upstairs, Simone just keeps staring at Navid. So much so that it creeps everyone out and they wrap Navid up in a tarp. And as it turns out, Navid gets a phone call. Seeing as he’s being in-disposed (ha! A pun!) right now, they decide to get it. They were going to throw out a perfectly good phone! Oh, and Navid’s sister is expecting a pick up at the airport, so they can get out of there.

Margot doesn’t like this one little bit, and tells Simone that she should go find out what Navid’s sister knows about The Operation. Margot really wants to know how to get that wrench without touching the sides.

COMMERCIAL

4:14 pm – Jack gets ready for a thigh shooting, when Mark comes into the room to give Jack something from the CIA. He picks this time to try and talk to Jack about Audrey, which is pretty impeccable timing. Jack tells him that if he makes it through today, it’s unlikely we’ll ever see Jack again, but the money was good so he’s on the show. But as he leaves, Jack tells Mark that Audrey thinks he’s a good man.

Jack calls Chloe and asks to be put on speaker with Belcheck. She seems to be having trouble because they immediately cut to…

…a briefing of the Prime Minster with the RAF. The Prime Minister has a knock down drag out argument with him, which consists of very polite conversation.

Heller calls the PM, and the PM points out that Jack is a wanted man, a major actor, and he shoots thighs a lot. The PM also says that if Heller is wrong, it’s England that will suffer if Jack is wrong. Heller points out that the US suffered even when Jack was right, but not nearly as much as if he’d not been there in the first place. He asks the Prime Minster not to deploy troops until the next episode. They hang up, and the PM decides to have MI-5 follow Jack.

Jack and Kate meet outside, just to prove they’re in London. Jack wants to know why she’s been told to leave London, and we’re reminded…AGAIN…that Kate’s husband is a bad, bad guy. Just in case we didn’t hear it during every one of the last few weeks. Jack tells her his plan: Shoot some thighs, do a little stunt, and get down tonight. And get Margot via Karl Rask. Kate asks how Jack knows him, and it turns out that during his down time for the last few years, Jack has been working for Karl, doing some thigh shooting. Jack points out that this might not go all that well, because Rask, just like just about everyone else around, would probably like to shoot Jack.

Chloe calls and uploads everything she has on Rask to Jack, and tells him she’ll infect his phone with Windows ME so they can trace him.

Mark finds Audrey at her desk where she’s busy with crayons. Mark asks about Jack, and Audrey says that wasn’t necessary because she’s less crazy than she used to be. Mark gets a phone call. The caller says he’s from the Moscow Papa John’s, which is code for the Russian Foreign Ministry. He leaves.

Mark tells him that Jack extradition order has been rescinded, which makes the minster upset enough to say that he won’t be delivering the pizza after all. He also asks very cryptically if there’s a reason Heller shouldn’t want to talk to Moscow. Mark points out that the last time Heller was in Moscow he did talk, but does NOT point out that Heller was actually trying to talk directly to the city itself. Mark suggested they meet privately later, in another episode.

Jack explains that he’s been acting freelance in cleaning up bad guys, and that we missed at least two days where he took out some bad guys, and they would have made great seasons of 24. Jack goes on to explain that the only way he can think of to convince Rask to go along with anything is to have Kate act as a hostage. And, oh, she’ll have to be drugged when brought in there. Kate looks as if she’s not to sure about this. Jack tries to reassure her that there’s a pretty good chance they’ll both end up dead. So, in that case, of course Kate says she’ll go along with the plan and injects herself! Good thing that wasn’t the poison vial.

COMMERCIAL
4:29 pm – At CIA make-shift headquarters, Steve gets back from the field and Jordan points out that the plot point they keep talking about over and over and over has a new twist! The hard drive that some evidence is on has something wrong with it. Steve says that they don’t have time to screw around with it. He seems worried about his browser history.

Out on the street, Simone meets Navid’s sister, who seems super suspicious about Navid’s last message, and the fact that Simone looks really weird in a head scarf. Just then, Navid’s sister’s daughter comes out of the store, which is supposed to look like a school, but doesn’t.

At the Prime Minster’s headquarters, his assistants show how badly their television coverage of London is by showing a crayon drawing video of Jack putting Kate in the truck of the car. The PM points out that this might be some kind of weird American dating ritual, but then tells his assistants they should go get their Legos and assemble a team: They’re going after Jack!

At what appears to be an abandoned garage where Rask is hiding, Jack is fortunate enough that that A) they’re still there and B) they haven’t changed the security code. Jack punches up the code, drives in and promptly gets shot at. They get him out of the car, and he gets kicked a few times. Jack says he even has a CIA Christmas present, and convinces them that he’s telling the “truth”. One unexpected twist: They have some drugs that’ll wake Kate up, which is not according to plan.

What do the thugs do? They drag Kate out of the back, take off her shoes and socks, and shoot her up with the serum, because serum works better with your shoes and socks off.

On a nearby roof, Jack’s Checz buddy is watching through the only available scope, which is attached to a gun.

Commercial

4:39pm – Simone calls Margot’s House of Slapping, and tells Margot that Navid’s sister doesn’t know squat. Margot tells Simone she has two loose ends to take care of. Simone agrees while watching her scarf… and then she realizes she’s talking about Navid’s sister and daughter.

A thug tells Kate “Wakey-Wakey, Lemon-Shakey”, which doesn’t work until they chain her up. But she doesn’t talk.

Thug number two brings out a lot of evil-looking torture stuff, and cuts her leg, which will mean she will not be able to return those pants before she leaves London. Thug 1 throws water all over her, and electric shocks her!

Chloe tells Jack that Rask just needs log into his account, and that they’ll all be good.

Rask is a little suspicious of Jack. He says that if Jack opened an account, he must of dealt with Metzker and gotten a free toaster for opening the account. Rask just wants to know that brand of the toaster. Failing that, he wants Metzker’s first name.

Chloe does a quick Google search and can’t find the name. Jack takes a chance, and says there’s no Metzker at the bank. Rask nearly shoots him, but then admits that Metzker doesn’t exist! Jack hands over the login codes.

Meanwhile, Kate is going to get drilled for information, with a real drill. Belcheck gets nervous, wants to save her and just as he’s about to pull the trigger, a soldier comes up from behind and knocks him out! It’s MI-5, which for Kate, Jack and Chloe is very bad timing. But mostly bad for Kate.

Commercial

4:51pm – MI-5 goes jogging on a roof. Meanwhile Rask gets connected and uses his thumbprint to log in.

Kate lies and tells Thug 1 and Thug 2 that she knows this great Indian place to go eat, which stalls them for a minute.

Rask enters everything but the enter key, when MI-5 finishes their jog and crashes the party. All they need to do is hit the enter key!

Thug 1 and Thug 2 hear the commotion, and Thug 1 leaves. Kate takes this opportunity to do a double behind the back double leg strangle on Thug 2, which she got top honors in at CIA school. A knife drops to the floor as they both hit the ground. Kate is able to grab it with her hand still behind her back, and stabs Thug 2. The nearby judges award straight 10’s for style.

Meanwhile, MI-5 is shooting at anything that moves. This proves good for Jack because one of the things that was moving is a guy with a gun. Except he’s not moving anymore, right next to Jack. Jack grabs his gun, hits the “enter” key, and blows something up in one swoop.

Kate, not to be outdone, unties herself, dives across the floor and shoots a bad guy who looks like he’s never shot a machine gun before.

Jack catches up with Rask, and orders him to the ground, which surprises Rask quite a bit. The MI-5 troops come in. Jack announces to everyone that he’s really undercover for the President of the United States. Of America. Over in America. They take this at face value. Rask, seeing an opportunity, grabs a grenade from one of the soldiers, pulls the pin, and holds it against himself! He blows up…and what do you know, he’s made out of paper, because that’s all we see explode.

Chloe asks Jack how he’s doing, and he’s OK, just because he was only just almost blown up. They find a number on Rask’s bank account they can use to trace a phone, which Chloe starts to do.

Back at Navid’s sister’s place, Simone looks nervous about this whole “killing” thing, and finally just tells the sister to leave. The sister makes the wrong move and tries to call the police. Simone “accidentally” kills the sister, which the young daughter witnesses. The daughter escapes, runs through traffic. It’s been a while since Simone’s done that, and in an attempt to catch a bus, she catches a bus incorrectly.

At CIA headquarters in London, Steve (REALLY no relation…REALLY) calls a mysteriously disguised voice, and tells the voice that Jordan has found the missing sectors. The voice tells Steve that they better not recover those files.

Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON 24 – Jack at the hospital! Simone’s not dead! A doctor at the hospital uses guns for surgery! Jack dodges missiles!

SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

24: Live Another Day – Hour 4 recap

24
PREVIOUSLY ON 24: Kate interrogated the seven dwarves; Mark has started practicing for a career as a sports memorabilia forger; Erik brought up Kate’s husband AGAIN; Audrey continued to float around people like a dementor, only scarier; Margot and Simone practiced playing the game Operation; Heller was surprised to find out that Parliament talks back, just like the mirror he practices speeches in front of; Simone needs to learn that a stuffed animal with cameras for eyes is not an appropriate gift to accept from your mother, especially a mother that appears to have ambitions to be a security guard; Jack tries to sneak into the embassy to find Tanner and the flight key and is feeling a lot better now that he’s been able to yell, shoot a few thighs, and cause some havoc.

The following takes place between 2 pm and 3 pm:

2pm – Mass panic! Protests! It’s likely someone saw Audrey in an embassy window. Jack tells Chloe that he’s used that diversion to get inside the embassy. The only problem is Erik and Kate saw him outside, and are pretty sure he’s not there to take pictures with the guards outside. Jack says that he’s going to try and get the flight key from inside the embassy. Many people are running around, and after picking out a nice guard, Jack gives him a big old hug. A big Jack Bauer Hug that lasts just a little bit too long. (Jack’s been out in the field for a long time.) The guard passes out from the sheer joy of it. Chloe gives Jack the floor, room number, make, model and serial number of the door lock, plus the origin of the metal used to make the lock. This gives Jack enough information to find the right room. He grabs the guard’s security card as a souvenir and runs.

Chloe complains that Chell screwed up the ID that Jack was going to use to get into the embassy and that if she’d used a number instead of a Little Orphan Annie secret code none of this would be happening. Adrian is still upset that Chloe brought Jack to their secret location, which is the only secret Adrian actually doesn’t want the world to know about. Adrian tries to justify what he’s doing, but Chloe wants none of it. Chloe tells him to “get out of my sight” and she’s not talking about a website. Adrian just stares at her, but despite trying, staring at Chloe like that doesn’t turn her to stone.

Jack’s thug friend tells Chloe it’s going to be tough to get Jack out of an embassy full of marines. Chloe says she knows that, and that Embassy Full Of Marines was the name of her first band in college. Also, that she owes Jack her life, her sorry, and her monopoly. Jack’s thug friend says he owes Jack too, and that he’s pretty sure that Adrian isn’t doing anything that isn’t in his own self interest.

At the embassy, Erik and Kate meet a marine that magically figures out that when they identify themselves as “agents”, they mean CIA agents. They convince the marine that Jack is a threat and foolishly only bring eight other marines with them.

Tanner is being held in an absolute ultra mega low security room with absolutely nobody guarding him. This allows Jack to enter the room with one card swipe. This must be an absolutely new card key lock because it works so well.

Inside room, Tanner is just staring off into space when Jack arrives. Jack doesn’t realize there’s soldier in the room guarding Tanner. Jack makes up a story pretty quickly. He tells the soldier:

There once was a man named Jack,
Who came to move soldiers during an attack,
But when he got there,
The guard with short hair,
Turned to the phone and got a whack.

Not realizing Jack was predicting the future, the guard turns to answer a ringing phone and Jack whacks him in the back of the head.

Jack explains to a freaked out Tanner that he knows Tanner is innocent all about the drone that was taken over. Jack just wants the flight key so he can stop the pending attack. Tanner does what anyone would do in this situation: He asks Jack why he should believe him. Tanner thinks about this much too long, and finally tells Jack that the key is with Captain Denovo, who is the guy Jack just knocked out.

Back on Chloe’s new cable channel London Embassy TV, there’s a development: The herd of marines plus Kate and Erik are on the stairs headed Jack’s way. Jack quickly finds the flight key on Denovo, thanks Tanner, and leaves.

2:07 pm – Jack leaves just as the Marine herd arrives to find Tanner just sitting there in his room like nothing happened. Nothing except Captain Denovo seems to have mysteriously passed out for no apparent reason. Denovo wakes up and tells them about Jack’s coat that he’s wearing.

Jack tries to exit the building but the key card swiper is just not as new as the other one and it doesn’t work. Jack quickly realizes that the embassy has its own private network line. He asks Chloe to help him find it. Chloe tells him that a lot more marines are arriving and that there’s NO WAY he could possibly exit the building. Apparently Chloe has forgotten who she’s talking to. Jack tells her to find the communications room, and he runs down the hall. He finds what looks like a bathroom just in time for the commercial.

Commercial

2:13pm – Back at Margot’s House of Hidden Cameras, Margot has taken some time out of spying on her daughter and husband long enough to find out that the drone system will be ready to use in about an hour.

Simone and her husband are in bed. The husband says that he’s going to leave, because he’s getting a little creeped out by her mother. Also, he doesn’t feel good about killing people. He tells Simone that he’s waited for a week to carry through with his plan to leave. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and something tells me he’s going to get that wish, but it’s just not going to be as long as he hopes. She agrees to go with him.

Steve (no relation) Navarro calls and as usual, he’s right on top of things. He says that Flash came up on his web browser and it said that beside desperately needing an upgrade right away, it shows the embassy is on lock down for no reason he can fathom. Kate tells him it is, surprise, Jack Bauer. The marines with her crouch down with their guns drawn, just in case they see Jack. Kate, meanwhile doesn’t seem to have a care in the world as she walks behind them, completely upright, while talking to Steve.

2:17 pm – Jack heads downstairs to yet another basement, as Chloe directs him. He finds the communications room, which is filled with computer people dressed up like they’re all going to a job interview, because they sure are not dressed like computer people.

Chloe tells Jack how to use the computer, which is new for Jack because he’s always had Chloe do this sort of thing for him. The marines are closing in, now in an even bigger hurry because they think they’ll be able to get Jack to sign all their guns. While Jack is trying to upload the data to Chloe, he makes her promise that no matter what happens, she’ll get out of that eye makeup. Also, that she’ll get the data to Heller, if he’s still sane. Suddenly, the data connection drops! Adrian just happens to have a cool program that Jack can download in order to decrypt the data and get it uploaded back to them. It’s really lucky that Adrian knows the exact operating system, software libraries and version numbers that Jack is using, because otherwise this would never work.

The marines are right outside the door. Jack orders one of the computer people to open the door. After making sure that the marines are wearing the good, new body armor, he has the door opened and shoots a couple of them. The door slams shut. The marines, in frustration, shoot the door, because they really, really want that door dead.

Commercial

2:23pm – Margot asks Simone if she wants a tea, earl grey, hot. Margot confronts her about her husband, Navin, while someone plays a weird little gong sound in the background. Simone tells Margot everything that Navin said, and then appears to be worried that Margot will hurt him in some way. Margot says that he’s already been hurt enough by all the rejection he used to get on That 70’s show, and she’ll do what ever it takes to make sure he pilots those drones.

Heller’s in Parliament, still talking for the last 25 minutes. He says that he wishes he could cast a spell “like in that Hogwarts you have here” and make the bodies come back to life. He tells them he wants them to move forward together. And then to the side. And back. And then to shake it all about.

Mark gets a phone call from Steve (no relation) who tells him that Jack is in the communications room with hostages. He tells them that it’s not looking good because Jack has ordered pizza so it might be a while.

Mark tells Steve that he’s disappointed in his performance. Most of the audience agrees with him, but that’s not important now. What’s important is that the marines are there. Mark tells him that “I need to know what you know.” That should take about five seconds.

Adrian and Chloe argue about the size of Jack’s core processor, which is not a euphemism. The encryption program is just not working very fast.

Since Jack has nothing to do but wait, he decides to take a phone call from the audience. First caller: Captain Kevin Cordaro. The captains tries to threaten Jack by saying he’d like to work together, which works just about as well as anyone to expect, since Jack barely works with people he DOES like. Jack threatens to kill the hostages, but at the same time shakes his head as if to say, “no no, I’m just saying that” and hangs up. Several of the hostages look like they’re going to need new underwear. Meanwhile, the Cordaro is more concerned about the marines getting shot than the hostages.

Up in Tanner’s room, Erik and Kate arrive. Erik tells Tanner that Jack is downstairs surrounded by marines, so Tanner shouldn’t expect any help. This obviously means that Erik has never read Jack’s CTU personnel file.

Kate asks Tanner what his relationship is with Jack. Tanner says he doesn’t swing that way, and he and Jack just met. Erik says he doesn’t believe him. Tanner SWEARS he doesn’t swing that way. Kate asks a lot nicer, and Tanner finally tells them what Jack said: That the key holds the key to the key of the drone attack and that is key. Plus, that the drone was taken over and is going to be used in an attempted attack later this season. Kate and Erik leave.

As they walk down the hall, Erik says “We should have pushed him harder!” Kate says that wouldn’t have worked because he looked really stable in that chair he was sitting in. And besides, Kate believes him. She tells Erik she wants to talk to Bauer about this drone threat.

Heller is STILL talking to Parliament but finally seems to be wrapping up. They all applaud because he’s finally finished, and it’s getting closer to tea time. Heller, Audrey and Mark move to another room after the speech.

Mark explains that the protests outside aren’t going like usual protests go, and not only did people break in, but there are hostages. Oh, and Jack Bauer.

Audrey and Heller are surprised that Jack’s in town, because he’s usually not in town during this time of year. Mark tries to enforce the fact that while Jack hasn’t fatally shot anyone, the way you’d expect, it’s really important that the marines go in after him right away. Heller says to not make any moves until he’s had a chance to talk to Jack about this great opportunity to buy gold coins.

Commercial
2:37 pm – Navin is packing his bag as Simone and Margot enter the room. He says it’s just a backpack with his Dungeon and Dragon’s stuff. Margot doesn’t believe him, and says that he’s got a stain on him. Seeing how surprised he looks, I’m not surprised.

Margot gives Navin a chance to pilot the drones. He picks this time to stand up to Margot. He tells her that those drones are going to be used for evil delivery purposes, probably by big companies with huge warehouses and discount prices. Margot says that she’s very disappointed, and that her dead husband, even though he’s dead, is also very disappointed, but in a way that only the dead can be. She says she knows a thing or two about dead relatives because one of the last ones she had was beheaded at a castle.

Navin swears on a stack of his D&D books that he’ll never pilot the drones, no matter what Margot does to him. She says she believes him.

Margot tells her thugs to bring Simone over and to take her ring off. Well, these guys aren’t too bright and actually chop off one of her fingers. Margot tells the thug to do it again, but correctly. This really freaks out Navin (not the mention Simone) and he agrees to pilot the drone.

Back in the third sub-basement of the embassy, Kate tells Cardovo that she really needs to talk to Jack, just in case this whole drone attack is real, and not some mega-website publicity stunt. He says, “I’m not introducing any more variables into this equation. This conversation is over,” which leads both Erik and Kate to believe this Cardovo might be a robot.

Kate calls Steve (no relation) Navaro, and Navaro wants to know if she debriefed Tanner. She says no, he still has his underwear, but she did get to talk to him. She goes on to explain what Jack has been saying.

Navaro tells her that Jack will be receiving a phone call from Heller any minute now. He hangs up. Jordan, who is there with Navaro, says that if they’d all just listened to Kate in the first place, none of this would be going on. Navaro doesn’t take this very well and accuses Jordan of having a crush on Kate, which is exactly the kind of high school gossip we come to expect from people in his position. And then he goes on to say that Kate doesn’t have good judgment because she not only didn’t realize her husband would betray the country, but that she also dated a guy named Bryce who once downloaded a whole bunch of classified pictures which got uploaded to someone’s head. These people really need to re-enforce this plot point because we haven’t heard it in nearly an hour.

The phone rings. Jack answers. The voice says, “It’s me.” Jack says, “Donald Sutherland?” No, it’s just President Heller. He’s very disappointed that Jack shot people. Jack points out that it was only a flesh wound. Besides, he’s Jack Bauer so if he wanted them dead, they’d be off to visit the choir invisible.
Jack goes on to say that he believes that drone system is vulnerable, and that any minute now packages could start raining down from the sky. Heller says, “Explain that, Jack.” Jack goes into great detail about planes, helicopters, and flying things, using small words so the President, and everyone else on the line can understand.

He finally explains the takeover of Tanner’s drone by Yates, and that Margot is going to use it in a very bad way.

Heller asks why Jack didn’t just come to him in the first place. Jack explains that the White House only has limited visiting hours, and usually the president is no where to be seen on any of these tours. Plus, he’s been labeled as terrorist, still had the label, and it will just not come off. He’s also never been able to tell his side of the story, so he’s a little miffed about that. Jack tells Heller he’s never lied to him, about him, near him, under him, over him, at him, or through him, so he should believe him now. Heller tells Jack to stay by the phone, which is kind of silly because with a room that small Jack has no choice.

Audrey believes Jack, which proves that even in her current state, she can be somewhat lucid. Mark is completely against believing Jack. He points out that Jack broke Chloe out of CIA custody, and that Jack is much more manly than he is. Also that Open Cell, the group Jack is working with, uploaded 30,000 documents of web page histories of everyone in Congress, which lead to a lot of embarrassing stories.

To drive home is point, he points out that Jack killed a lot of people before, and that’s why he shouldn’t be trusted. Heller loses his mind, not realizing that Jack did this quite a bit in the old days, and gives the order that the marines can go in when they’re ready.

Commercial

2:51pm – Chloe shows Adrian some old Youtube videos of America’s Funniest Drone attacks and points out that the missiles on the new drones are a lot bigger. They’re going to do a lot more damage, and frankly, she really doesn’t want to see London destroyed, which would dash her hopes of being able to see the Monty Python reunion.

Adrian, who still hasn’t cleared his throat of phlegm, points out that he has been trying to help. Kind of. Adrian makes a big mistake, and asks Chloe why she just can’t let Jack go. You can tell Chloe didn’t like this at all.

Back at sub-basement three, Cardovo makes a little speech about how if they sense Jack is a threat at all, they should shoot him.. He dismisses everyone and then calls a guy who looks about 15 over, and tells him to shoot Jack on sight no matter what happens. Like in Call of Duty.

Kate’s on the phone with Navaro as Jordan brings up Margot’s home page on the web, which confirms that Jack didn’t just make up her name.

Kate realizes something that no one else, even the people with plans to the building, has thought – that they might able to get into the room with Jack using the giant human-size air ducts.

2:54 pm – Kate goes into the air duct, even with that brand new sweater she’s wearing.

Mark and Audrey argue. Audrey’s really upset with Mark, and she knows that Mark is really scared of Jack.

Chloe realizes that cable company is on to her, because her cable feed goes out, and she can’t watch what the marines are doing anymore.

The marines are about to go in, so Jack starts rearranging the furniture.

One of the marines sees that there’s a symbol on his Candy Crush game he can’t explain, because it’s all “Kate-shaped” and headed to the room where Jack is. Erik tells Cordovo about Kate’s plan, but he won’t listen.

Kate breaks into the room, and pinky swears that she believes Jack.

The marines blow up the door, and Kate saves Jack by sitting on him. The marines don’t fire on Jack.

The upload doesn’t make it.

At Margot’s House of One Less Finger, the drone takeover system is online!

3:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: Missing flight key! Margot has six drones! Margot gets her own TV channel! Jack wants to be outstanding in his field! Drone missiles!

The Office – 8.16 – After Hours

If you haven’t watched the “After Hours” episode of “The Office”, don’t read any further.

MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Just finished watching tonight’s episode of “The Office”, and it was great. Kathy tried to make her move on Jim. If you’ve been watching carefully, you knew this moment was coming for a long time. Now, granted, she came right out and said in a couple of episodes ago, but if you paid attention to how she was acting even before that, you knew something was up.

I’m not going to go into what happened in the episode, but I have to say the writer’s handled it was exactly true to character, which was great to see. The writers handled that absolutely perfectly.

I’m a little surprised that Jim didn’t call Pam while all this was going on. But, I’d wager Pam would have been down on the next plane to Tallahassee if he had. He better tell her soon though, because Kathy seems like the type to try and screw things up.