Mike posts his funny “24” observations Dave’s site, as well as on Mike’s own blog along with a ton of other stuff. Check it out!
Update, May 9, 2006: A kind quote from Dave Barry at Dave Barry over at his blog:
Thanks to the commenters who cleared this up, and to all the rest of you who made such a valiant effort to analyze the “plot,” especially the amazing Steve. I’m thinking that even after the season ends, we could have Steve continue posting summaries on Monday nights. I’m sure they’d make just as much sense as they do now.
I’m one of the folks that participates over on Dave Barry’s blog in a kind of Mystery Science Theater treatment of “24”. Here’s what I posted this week:
3 am – Jack broke the co-pilot’s nose. He’s lucky he didn’t get shot in the thigh. He calls Haig and lets her know that he has the recording of Manilow. Bill talks extra loud into the phone.
3:01 – Curtis tells Audrey he has great news… He’s going to save a ton of money on his car insurance, and he that Secretary of Defense Devane used his super defense car to actually survive that 200 foot drop into the water we saw a couple of episodes ago. Aside from being EXTREMELY waterlogged after being in the water for two weeks, he’s OK.
3:02 – Haig calls Curtis and tells him that Jack needs a ride from an airport. Since Curtis is a REALLY good friend, he’ll pick him up….but Jack owes him. Also, Jack has this evidence that can bring down Manilow. Curtis says that if that’s true, Jack won’t owe him anything.
3:03 – The Evil Genius Think Tank (EGTT) has figured out a way out of Manilow’s dilemma and the guy who looks like a hollywood writer calls him. Hollywood says that Manilow needs to shoot down the plane. Manilow protests, saying he doesn’t have a gun nearly big enough, or with enough range. Besides, he can’t shoot straight anyway. Hollywood says they’re going to use a BCI distress signal, which will make it look like the entire plane is full of American Idol fans, so no one will question Manilow’s motives. Manilow protests because he likes American Idol, and then agrees by saying “May Ryan Seacrest have mercy on my soul!
I post over on Dave Barry’s weekly 24 blog, along with a lot of other folks.
Here’s what I posted this week:
2:00 am – Bill’s on the phone with Haig, and tells her that Jack’s on an airplane. She’s horrifed that Jack didn’t use his frequent stow away miles. She tells Bill that Chloe needs to contact her after she leaves.
2:01 am – Really slow homeland security guys walk up to Bill’s house. They look behind the TV briefly, move a keyboard, and in all of five seconds, declare that Chloe is not here. They were obviously expecting her to be dressed as a personal computer, like she was last Halloween. One of them notices that Bill’s Commodore 64 has a MAJOR upgrade, and that only Chloe could have done it.
2:04 – Creepy says he’ll make it really bad for Bill if he doesn’t tell him where Chloe is. Bill points out that Chloe was able to walk right out of CTU after pickpocketing Creepy’s id, his cell phone, and his underwear. I think he’s threatening that he’ll talk to Bill even more than he already has… Bill looks a little creeped out by that, but refuses to talk. Haig tells Secret Agent Ed to bring him in. Creepy doesn’t like how Haig is handling things.
2:06 – Chloe walks into a hotel bar with really bad lounge music, figuring that no one would bother her there. She calls Haig and asks for info about the plane.
2:07 – Chloe calls Jack, who’s on the plane, in the cargo hold with some dogs in cages. The cargo hold is quiet now, and he looks relieved that he doesn’t have to put up with any more of that yipping he’s been hearing. From Audrey, not the dogs.
2:08 – Leisure Suit Larry is hitting on women at the bar.
2:09 – Jack, who still hasn’t turned off the ringer his phone, gets a call from Chloe who tells him where the air marshal, Christopher Outt, is sitting on the plane. Jack lifts a floor tile in the back of the plane, and no one is there to see him. Jack wonders for a second what an air marshal would be doing on a diplomatic flight, but then decides to completely ignore this plot point.
2:10 – Jack grabs a seat next to the air marshal, elbows the air marshal in the HEAD, and grabs the air marshal’s peanuts. Jack really, really likes peanuts.
2:15 – Jack STILL hasn’t turned off his phone, and gets a phone call from Chloe. She knows where the Guy Who’s Got The Recording (GWGTR) is, and Jack gets that guy to come to the back of the plane. I think this guy’s name is Mr. Unger.
2:16 – Jack closes the curtains in the back galley, which is NOT a good sign for Mr. Unger. Jack asks for Unger’s ticket stub, and then punches it. Unger passes out in a choke hold, and Jack drops him into the baggage compartment right onto a poodle, which makes a whining noise that sounds a lot like Audrey.
2:16 – Mrs. Manilow can’t find her medication. A secret service guy (who I think is a robot, because he has a telephone hookup in his ear), won’t let her.
2:17 – Mrs. Manilow calls Cheney Looking Guy and says she wants to see him. CLG looks hopeful this might be his big chance.
2:18 – Mrs. Manilow REALLY REALLY wants her medication. She starts speaking in riddles to CLG, who looks puzzled, even for this show. She convinces him to get her meds, and he leaves.
2:20 – Graham, one of Manilow’s secret guys that looks like a really uptight writer, calls Manilow to discuss the run-away episode that’s happening. He states the obvious that it would be REALLY REALLY bad if Jack got that recording, because because if Jack got it to Chloe, it would be all over the Internet like a flash, and they’d get no royalties.
2:21 – CLG goes to Manilow telling him that Mrs. Manilow is really upset, CLG presses the point, and Manilow tells him that the reason Mrs. Manilow is upset is that she’s married to a handbag. CLG completely agrees.
2:22 – Back to the cargo hold in the plane, Jack tries to find out what Unger know about Robocop.
2:23 – Leisure Suit Larry starts to bother Chloe, and offers her a drink. She calls the airport.
2:24 – Back on the plane, the stewardess tells everyone there is massive turbulence in the area. In reality, Jack is just kicking Mr. Unger’s butt all over the cargo area. The stewardess notices that someone’s missing and that the air marshal is down.
2:25 – Call to the cockpit, and the steward on the phone tells the pilot, Captain Oveur, that the air marshal has been assaulted. The pilot says “Assaulted what? Peanut?
I take part in the “24” posting madness over on Dave Barry’s Blog. Here’s what I posted tonight:
1 am – Jack’s with Audrey and she’s going to have one heck of a dry cleaning bill. Secretary Devane calls his agent’s phone, gets Jack instead and tells Jack to get the recording. Jack says “Duh!
12:00 am – Manilow’s watching the world’s smallest wide screen TVs, and gets call from Robocop about trying to get Jack. Manilow calls Madam Haig.
12:01 – Madam Haig is talking to Creepy about the Audrey, and that the Cry-Baby tracking device they use to track Audrey is not working.
12:02 – Creepy thinks that Chloe is in on the whole Audrey/Jack connection, volunteers that he’s got special cameras that he uses to spy on women, so it’ll be no problem tracking Chloe.
12:04 – Jack brings in Bill to help him! They fill in Bill on the Manilow being a handbag, and that he’s in on the President Allstate assassination. Bill agrees. Manilow is a handbag.
12:05 – Audrey’s hanging out in Hanger 112 at the airport, which apparently was her secret rendezvous spot with Jack.
12:06 – The plane carrying Secretary of Defense William Devane (undercover as Audrey’s Dad “Secretary Heller
Spoilers ahead…. You know the drill….
So, there’s something about the island that “cures” people. We now have four “miracle” cures on the show. Locke’s legs, Rose’s remission, Jin’s fertility problem, and Jack’s wife. OK, ok….the last two are suspicious… and we can only take Jin’s “cure” at face value because there’s still some question if that child really is Jin’s child. They did leave it pretty ambiguous, and we’re not sure if Sun’s English teacher is really the father.
If Jack’s wife’s cure really was due to Desmond being involved, that would mean that Dharma may been able to harness the “healing power” of the island. This would also fit in nicely with the theory that Jack’s father was working with Dharma, and allowing them to do secret experiments on patients. If they had been able somehow capture the healing power of it island, they would need to do some experiments to see if it was working properly.
My Lost Nanotechnology theory looks less plasible at this point, but I’m not ready to give on it completely yet. If you haven’t read that yet, you might want to take a look at it.
Another thing that we’ve discovered is that in the “Lost mythos”, the psychic healer that Rose went to see was sensitive to focusing the healing energy. This is probably at least one of the reasons that the
others have Walt, and are so reluctant to give him up.
Now, given all this, I think we might have had a hint during the first season about the down side to all these “miracle” cures. If you remember, at one point Locke started to lose control of his legs during Season one. This was when he was with Boone in the jungle. Why did it happen then? Was it because he was “out of range” of the part of the island where the healing was strongest? The show tonight implied that Rose believed if she left the island, her illness would return. (She didn’t come out and say this….Bernard did).
That could be what the Dharma people are working on. Making the “miracle cures” more permanent.
One of the other shows I watch is “24”. Over on Dave Barry’s Blog, a bunch of folks (and Dave!) make “Mystery Science Theater”-like comments about the show. A while ago, when Dave couldn’t watch the show one night, he asked for a summary of the show. Well, I started do that. People seemed to like it, so I continue to do it. The following is what I posted tonight.
Excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes….. I write this in real-time (well, minus TiVo stops here and there) while I’m watching the show, and I post it as soon as I’m done. I hope you enjoy it!
Oh, and if you have NO idea who I’m talking about, here are some of the names we’ve been using on the blog:
Madam Haig – Karen Hayes (new head of CTU)
Robocop – Christopher Henderson
Manilow – President Logan
President Allstate – ex-President David Palmer
11pm – The finest roadblock ever is on the street. It has military guys, search lights, and I swear I saw a humvee with a Starbucks installed in the back.
11:00 – Jack is finding out where the money that Manilow is paying Robocop, while Wayne drives to a motel parking lot which is completely empty, except for some guy waving has a yellow piece of paper talking about his “list” and how he has to help them so he can cross them off.
11:01 – Jack calls Audrey to tell her that Manilow is in on the whole thing, and that Jack’s on his way to the bank to get to the safety deposit box. Jack wants Audrey’s father involved. Jack can’t trust anyone but Jack!
11:05 – They get Evelyn into the motel, and Jack checks her thigh because he’s got tons of experience with bullet wounds in the thigh. He wants to clean it, but she doesn’t want him anywhere her leg for fear he’ll shoot that one too.
11:06 – Robocop’s on the phone downloading new instructions from Manilow. They were on the phone with each other just 6 minutes ago! Manilow’s starting to freak out that everyone is freaking out.
11:07 – Madam Haig is talking to Creepy Homeland Guy and she’s having second thoughts about this whole “I’m in charge thing”. Creepy doesn’t like this ONE BIT.
11:08 – Manilow calls Madam Haig to order the arrest of Jack, but in true Manilow style doesn’t want anyone to know who gave the order. Creepy’s all over this and helpfully suggests that the military can use some of those near rocket lauchers, humvee’s, and hand grenades if that would help at all. Haig doesn’t like what’s happening, but Creepy’s all over the whole “let’s catch Jack” thing.
11:09 – Audrey goes to Chloe and shows her the latest Computer catalog to cover the fact they’re talking about Jack. Chloe thinks it’ll take an hour. Audrey wants a secure line so that no one will find out she’s making teary-eyed phone calls to Jack. Chloe says that’ll take about TWO hours.
11:10 – Madam Haig comes down to talk to Audrey, and they don’t like that Jack has an arrest warrant. They know that if he’s arrested, the season’s going to end quick, and they have about 6 more shows to go.
11:12 – Madam Haig is having a Lo-Jack installed on Audrey’s car, so it’ll lead right to Jack.
11:17 – Jack’s driving Wayne to the bank manager’s house, and Jack wants to go in and scare the bank manager into letting them into the bank. He pulls out the handy dandy Jack Bauer lock pick set and breaks into the house.
11:18 – Wife and husband upstairs. The wife is wearing NO bullet proof vest on her thighs.
11:19 – Bank manager goes downstairs and Jack clobbers him. The guy tries to talk his way out of it, and finally relents when Jack aims at his wife’s legs.
11:20 – Road block let’s Audrey through, and she’s on the phone with her dad, Secretary Heller. She needs his help, and she wants his plane re-routed to LA.
11:21 – Audrey’s at a gas station, and it using her cell phone while she’s pumping gas. Despite the sparks flying off the cell phone, she’s able to keep the car from exploding. Chloe gave her a special Lo-Jack locator, which Audrey uses to find the Lo-Jack on the car.
11:23 – A curfew immune truck pulls into the gas station, and Audrey plants to Lo-Jack on the truck! There’s NO chance this truck will be pulled over because it’s filled with undocumented visitors.
11:24 – Manilow looks nervous that he hasn’t talked to Robocop in nearly 20 minutes, and Secret Service guy comes to get him. Scary VP asks about Jack, and Manilow tells Secret Service to leave. Scary can’t understand why Bauer isn’t being treated like a hero, and Manilow does the old “because I said so!” ploy on him, and leaves. Scary looks like he suspects that Manilow has been substituted with an alien, because it’s the first time Manilow has talked to him that way.
11:27 – Evelyn’s asleep on the bed, and her daughter’s crying. Evelyn tries to go to her and hits her head on the table. The daughter calls 911, and Robocop instantly gets a phone call from an evil co-hort.
11:32 – Press conference. Manilow is telling everyone that the terrorist threat is over, the Russian’s are OK, and Jack has signed a three year contract with Fox.
11:33 – Mrs. Manilow is happy about Manilow saving the day, and Secret Service guy looks like he wants to tell her that Manilow is still acting like a lady’s purse.
11:33 – Jack drives up to parking lot, saying they’ll have to go the rest of the way on foot because it’s more dramatic that way, and they still have half an hour until the top of the hour.
11:33 – Jack gets a call from Secret Service Guy on the Jack Phone, which also tells Jack his blood pressure, his heart rate, and the number of bullets he has left in his gun. Secret Service Guy tells Jack about the warrant.
11:34 – They’re on their way to the bank and the humvee with the Starbucks and the machine gun drives by, so they have to hide.
11:34 – Phone call to Madam Haig. The Homeland Security People Who Follow Audrey (HSPWFA) are now known as the Homeland Security People Who Lost Audrey (HSPWLA).
11:35 – Haig calls Creepy, telling him that she wants satellites redirected to find Audrey. He gives a Creepy Stare to Chloe.
11:35 – Outside the bank. They’ve been able to hide, elude patrols and get to the bank in 2 minutes. And they didn’t even run.
11:35 – Jack goes up to the bank’s doors, which I’m sure have no security cameras anywhere near them, and looks in. He grabs Bank Manager and threatens his wife’s non-bullet proof thighs again.
11:36 – Inside the bank, Bank Manager gives Jack the code, 4 8 15 16 23 42, and Jack goes to enter the code. Bank Manager recognizes Wayne! Bank Manager says that he’s sure he’s seen Wayne on this show named “24” last year. Wayne tells him to trust him, but that Bank Manager would never believe him if he told him the real truth. Bank Manager yells, “AM I ON CANDID CAMERA”, and immediately starts looking for Allen Funt. Wayne tells him that he doesn’t really want to know the truth….that he’s on a show with outrageous (but fun to watch) plot lines, and that they’ve come for proof of who killed President Allstate.
11:38 – Bank Manager asks Jack if it’s all true. Jack says yes, and Bank Manager gets all excited until he realized they didn’t mean he really was Candid Camera, it was that other thing about the President.
11:39 – Evalyn’s with the paramedics, who promptly get shot by Robocop, making them much more Edgar-like and a lot less able to fix bullet wounds.
11:43 – Manilow’s on the phone again someone when Mrs. Manilow walks in, and tells him that he’s dealt with more crisis today that any other president, unless you count President Allstate getting shot, which to be fair was a pretty big crisis for him. She calls him magnificent, she kisses him. They kiss far too long, and about half a million viewers had to switch the channels.
11:45 – Phone call, and Manilow asks Mrs. Manilow to leave. She doesn’t like that, so she stays. He takes the call from Robocop. Evelyn told Robocop where Jack is, and Robocop is sending Robothungs there to intercept Jack. Mrs. Manilow asks what the phone call was about, but she doesn’t look like she believes him.
11:46 – Creepy runs upstairs to tell Haig they found Audrey, and man, he’s excited. Haig calls the HSPWLA to intercept Audrey.
11:47 – Crazy Shari finds out that something is wrong with one of the satellites and tells Chloe. Shari can’t get in because it has a massive security grade one override and she’s locked out. She leaves. Chloe presses ONE key on her keyboard and the security is overridden and she sees Audrey’s car.
11:48 – Robothugs at the bank. Robocop says if they see any change, withdraw from the Bank, and deposit the rest of the people with extreme force. One of the Robothugs passes out from the over use of puns in the last sentence.
11:49 – In the vault, they get the recording and they her Manilow and Robocop discussing the whole plot to kill the President, and Bank Manager recognizes Manilow’s voice.
11:50 – Jack spots the Robothugs outside trying to act like he’s just there to use the ATM, but the guns in both hands give him away. They get back away from the door and back into the vault. It’s the only way out….but Jack goes to look for another way!
11:51 – Jack uses the Jackscope to scope the Robothugs outside. Jack tells Bank Manager to trip the bank alarm to get the police there, hoping for a gun fight because there hasn’t been one in over a hour.
11:55 – Chloe walks back to one of her servers and logs into the system, and corrupts the signal they’ve been using to watch Audrey. Creepy goes to investigate, and thinks it’s Chloe. They start playing 1960’s secret agent music. (Really!) Creepy gets there, and Chloe is gone.
11:56 – Creepy finds Chloe coming out the bathroom, and asks what she was doing and Chloe promises to write a report.
11:57 – Back at the bank, same secret agent music. The police arrive, and Bank Manager decides to go with Jack Gun fight with the police!
11:58 – Jack leaves the bank, and takes out a few of the people Robothugs. The military show up and take out a few more! Jack escapes in a police car with Wayne and Bank Manager…who dies in the car.
11:59 – Jack calls Audrey, who tells Jack it’ll be next week until they can give the evidence to her father. Jack says that they’ll be taking down Manilow!
12:00 – Times up!
I participate in the weekly blog of the TV show “24” over on Dave Barry’s blog. Here’s my weekly summary; it’s slightly different than what was posted over there. Typepad’s message filtering system didn’t let me post the original. I had to change a few words to get it to post.
Oh oh, we get local channels on the dish… Apparently the local channels on the dish are on strike (including 24!) because 167 hours of SpongeBob per week, and the local channels feel neglected. Either that, or it was that storm last night.
I called the provider, whose initials are D.I.S.H., and they said that the local channels weren’t on yet because of clouds. Or a bird. Maybe even the wind. I’m still thinking it’s SpongeBob. I’m gonna have to watch this over-the-air without TiVo.
Anyway. this is my really long-winded way of saying that I’m going to be summarizing without a net tonight, so if this is a bit inaccurate, if I miss a few people that get shot, or if it’s got really really lame jokes, then everything is normal.
10pm – CTU. Everyone’s panicking. Without Jack, there’s no CTU, and worse, no season next year.
10:01 – Jack’s OK! That was the scariest minute of their lives. Jack is carrying IEST. Audrey looks like she’s going to cry.
10:02 – Interrogation of IEST begins, which involves Jack yelling really really loudly, because that always works. They’re taking IEST to the top place to treat the injuried….CTU.
10:03 – Jack wants to know where Robocop went, and Bill doesn’t know. Jack thinks Robocop is working on a bigger subplot.
10:04 – Scary’s on the phone with Madam Haig, and wants her to jump through hoops. He realizes it’s Haig…he thought he dialed 1-800-HOT-HOOP
10:05 – Creepy Home Security Guy thinks he can work his Creepy magic on Audrey to turn her against CTU. Probably the same magic he worked on Shari.
10:06 – Robocop has henchmen too!
10:07 – Secret Service guy got Wayne back to retreat, and he wants to know what’s going on too. Evelyn (Mrs. Manilow’s assistant) was giving out information that got President All-State killed!
10:08 – Mrs. Manilow wants to chit-chat while Evelyn just wants to get the heck out of there.
10:09 – Wayne catches up with her, and confronts her about the e-mail. He tells her that unless she lets him know what was in those e-mails, he’ll tell everyone she’s the biggest spammer on the East coast, which is sure to get her in BIG trouble.
10:09 – Yikes! They kidnapped Evelyn’s little girl!
10:11 – She’ll give up the evidence if Wayne can get her daughter back. Someone better tell Jack. He’s good at this sort of thing.
10:16 – Insane Shari and Chloe see the Homeland Security people walking in, as if they were those girls from Deal or No Deal. Without the money. Or Howie.
10:17 – They’re taking over CTU! Madam Haig invoked with Backslash Protocol! Which is much worse than the Frontslash Protocol.
10:18 – Creepy Home Security guy invites Audrey into another room.
10:19 – Jack’s on the phone with Wayne. Wayne gives him the story…..and tells Jack! Woo hoo! That kid is as good as saved.
10:20 – They go to leave, but decide to separate…after all, the bad guys wouldn’t suspect that the woman they’re black mailing and the guy they were just trying to kill would be talking to each other….noooooo.
10:21 – Creepy is talking to Audrey, and he wants her to sign something that blames CTU for everything that happened. Creepy tries to tell Audrey that her career is on the line, if she doesn’t sign that thing. She goes to sign it….and NO…Creepy is denied.
10:22 – Jack calls Audrey, and Jack gives her Wayne’s story. Audrey tells him about the CTU take over. Audrey reminds him that Madam Haig is “in charge here”. Jack thinks Creepy and his padwans are in on the plot. He wants Audrey to get Chloe back on.
10:23 – Whoa! Audrey goes to Madam Haig to sign the papers! That’s how she’ll get Chloe back. Creepy doesn’t want to go along with it, but Haig goes for it. Foolish Mortals. They know nothing of Chloe and her leet haxor skillz.
10:24 – Robocop tells his henchmen that Evalyn will be leaving the presidential retreat soon, and that he’ll take care of the little girl.
10:29 – Evalyn’s at her car. Secret Service guy and Wayne get caught by the Emperor..er, I mean Scary VP. They make up a story about picking something up at the retreat, and Scary tries to use his mind powers to find out why he’s there. Doesn’t look like Scary bought the story.
10:33 – Bill tells Chloe that everything will be OK. Creepy tells Bill and Chloe about the paper, and Audrey tells Bill that she agreed with what she signed. Bill looks at her like he just found out that he could have been paying less for his car insurance.
10:34 – Wayne and Evelyn are driving on the road. She probably wouldn’t be in the car if she knew about Wayne’s LAST ride in a car. She’s upset about President All-State still. She gets a phone call from Robocop, and Jack’s on the line listening.
10:35 – Robocop knew that Wayne was there, but lets Amy (the daughter) talk to Evelyn. He wants her to go to 40615 Tarpen Street, stop at the local McDonald’s for a Happy Meal, a big Mac, and one of those yummy cherry pies….and to bring some information.
10:37 – Jack calls Audrey with the address. Audrey and Bill exchange looks, and Bill looks like he found out that he won’t be back next season and is almost in tears. This Audrey crying thing must be catching. Audrey goes to talk to Chloe who doesn’t EVEN look in the mood to talk. Audrey tells Chloe why she signed the paper (to get Chloe back near a CTU computer).
10:41 – Creepy farm house exterior, with Wayne and Evelyn inside. Someone drives up….good thing they thought to hide in a barn in the middle of no where. They hide behind a board, because boards in barns are bullet proof. It’s just Jack…who enters from the back of the barn. Wayne looks like he feels silly for forgetting the old “Sneaking in the back entrance of the barn” trick.
10:43 – Jack makes a phone call on that “never looses a signal” phone, and calls Chloe. Chloe uploads real-time information to Jack’s super PDA.
10:44 – Wayne wants to go with Jack, and WAYNE looks like he’s going to cry when Jack says no. Audrey’s disease strikes again, so Jack changes his mind since Audrey has that effect on him.
10:45 – Scary VP sneaks up on President Manilow, who’s self congratulating himself about the day. Scary finds out that Evelyn and President All-State where buddies… oh oh… not good info to tell Emperor Scary.
10:46 – Jack tell’s Evelyn to be careful and she drives off for that McDonald’s happy meal.
10:47 – Chloe uploads MORE information to Jack’s super PDA (this thing must have 50gig on it), and pinpoints a bad guy for Jack to shoot. He looks happy, but disappointed that he’ll have to wait to do that until after the commercial.
10:52 – Abandoned factory….Robocop is there with his henchmen. Wayne and Jack find someone to shoot, and Jack does so.
10:53 – Jack outsources one of his henchmen kills to Wayne, and Jack looks disappointed.
10:54 – Chloe’s on the phone with Wayne. Wayne shoots the guy he’s supposed to, but doesn’t look like he wanted to….
10:55 – Jack’s sneaks up on one of the henchmen and kills him. Jack screws around with the walkie-talkie they were using, and disguises his voice so he can talk to Robocop. He picks up the gun with the scope and aims it at Evelyn’s car that just pulled up.
10:56 – Robocop gives Evelyn instructions and heads out to meet Evelyn at the car. Evelyn ducks, and Jack starts shooting. Wayne and Jack shoot everyone else including Evelyn, but miss Robocop, who gets away.
10:59 – Evelyn tells Jack that it WASN’T Scary that was behind this whole plot. It was MANILOW!
11:00 – Time’s up!
Dave Barry has a blog where people post comments on the show “24”, and make comments on all the crazy things they see on the show. I post over there too. I write this entire thing while I’m watching the show, and post about 10 or 20 minutes after the show’s over.
9:00 pm – Bill wants Chloe to check on Audrey about suspicious activity. Bill tells Audrey she’s being taken into custody, and she asks if she’s under arrest. That Audrey…She’s pretty quick on the uptake.
9:01 pm – Jack tells Terrorist Woman that he’ll make this the worst day of her life, and threatens to let Geraldo interview her.
9:02 pm – Madam Haig wants to use drugs to get the truth out of Audrey. Bill tells her that all she has to do is look at her cross-eyed, and she’ll burst into tears.
9:03 pm – Jack wants to talk to Audrey directly, and reminds Madam Haig that Audrey’s father eats people alive. Apparently he’s a troll of some sort. Doh! If only The Hobbit were around to verify.
9:04 pm – Bill tells Jack that Impeccable English Speaking Terrorist (IEST) is going to release the gas sometime during the next hour. Going by the “24” rule, that means it’ll be close to 10pm.
9:08 pm – Fight in a dark area in LA, the cops come in and get jumped by terrorists faking the fight. IEST did this to get a police escort.
9:09 pm – Chloe finds dirt on Audrey. Jack gives her a handiwipe to use, but Chloe says that’s not what she meant. Audrey is having an affair with Robocop! Jack doesn’t like this ONE bit.
9:10 pm – Audrey’s in the room, and hasn’t burst into tears yet….mighty suspicious.
Commercial – Jack Bauer is moonlighting as David Breckenridge in a movie called “The Sentinel”? Wasn’t that an old movie about a guardian at the gate of Hell? Does this mean that Jack’s going to take on Hell itself next? This is so confusing….
9:14 – Sherry from Section 5 reports to Chloe….as an Edgar replacement. Chloe tells her that she’s COMPLETELY the wrong shape and size. Sherry looks over at Edgar’s workstation, and asks how she’ll get rid of all the Ho-Ho wrappers. Sherry sees the creepy Homeland Security guy, and Creepy seems to recognize her.
9:15 – Jack goes to see Audrey, says “Hi”, asks how she is, and how long she’s been a crazy Russian terrorist. Audrey tries to talk her way out of it, and Jack pulls the pictures out of Weasel and Robocop. She tries to lie about Robocop, and Jack catches her at it. T-minus 1 minute to tears.
9:16 – Tears!
9:17 – Jack isn’t buying it, slides the table away and goes to choke her.
9:20 – Madam Haig wants to give Audrey those drugs, and sends in the drug guy.
9:21 – Chloe tells Sherry to upload information, and Sherry looks like she was asked to semaphore the lower level of a TCP/IP stack using Cobol.
9:21 – Creepy Homeland Security guy comes over and tells Sherry that she’s not qualified to replace Edgar because she’s not cleared, doesn’t have the training, and can’t eat nearly enough Twinkies.
9:22 – Turns out that Creepy harassed Sherry in the past. Color me shocked.
9:22 – Jack doesn’t want Audrey taken, and gets tasered AND hand-cuffed (after taking out a guard). Audrey tells them that’s NOT how to apply handcuffs properly, and then shuts up when she realizes she actually said that out loud.
9:27 – Robocop gets a phone call from the guys that tried to take out Allstate’s brother Wayne.
9:28 – Secret Service guy wonders where Wayne is, and asks another agent if he’s seen Wayne or Garth. The agent tells him he wasn’t allowed up that late.
9:29 – Jack tries to patiently explain to Madam Haig that Robocop is probably lying, but Madam Haig REALLY wants to give Audrey those truth drugs. Jack wants Chloe to help him find info on Terrorist Woman.
9:30 – Creepy tries to get Sherry in trouble, and Chloe stands up to him by pointing out that she can probably dig up pictures of him from the Internet. He gets a scared look on his face and backs off.
9:31 – Terrorist Ice Cream truck drives up to a guard, and when the guard orders a Creamsicle, they shoot him. IEST strikes various modeling poses while waiting for the canisters to be unloaded from the truck. They enter the natural gas building.
9:34 – They find two guys, and ask who’s in charge. FIRST RULE: If someone scary looking asks to see a control room, don’t ask who they are, because this will get the other person with you shot. He lets them into the control room, where they promptly shoot another guy who tells the first unshot guy not do do what they say. SECOND RULE: Don’t tell people with guns things they don’t want to hear. Unshot guy runs off to reduce pressure in the lines.
Commercial – Visa ….A whole lot of people in conference rooms asking “What would so-and-so” do…..and NOT ONCE do they ask “What would Jack do”? Jack would know. I’m sure of it.
9:39 – Secret service guy in the woods looking for Allstate’s brother, and is snuck up on by….Allstates’ brother…who has a gun. Where did he get that?? It must have been one of those guns you get in storm drains… the ones marked “Break glass in case of getting car shot on the road by mysterious van”.
9:40 – Audrey’s sweating in the interrogation room, and the interrogation involves a LOT of yelling and more table pushing around. She’s making up for a LOT of time not crying, because she’s crying a lot now.
9:41 – Chloe finds out that Terrorist Woman has been talking to Robocop, and voila! The immunity agreement is voided! Jack looks excited he gets to interrogate Terrorist Woman.
9:42 – The guard who’s guarding Terrorist Woman must be a new guy, because he starts trying to pull rank on Jack. Jack knocks him out with one punch, and looks kinda surprised that’s all it took.
9:43 – Terrorist Woman admits she was lying about Audrey, and tells Jack they’re in a natural gas distribution center but doesn’t know which one.
9:44 – Jack runs in to save Audrey…and yells really loud to get rid of Interrogation Guy. Jack and Audrey kiss because there hasn’t been a tender moment in several episodes.
9: 45 – Bill calls Jack about the gaslines. Sherry speaks up and says that she just happens to be a chemistry major, and to check gas pressure in the tanks.
Then just after Bill left, she says “Did you notice that? The way he brushed up against my shoulder? He shouldn’t have done that.” Even Chloe has a “Oh my….Maybe Creepy was right!” They replaced our lovable Edgar with a psycho chemist!
9:46 – Secret Service Guy and Wayne return to Wayne’s car, because that’s the LAST place the van guys would look. Oh, whoops. These guys have stinger missiles too. Does every bad guy on the show have those? Fortunately, they don’t have many brains because Secret Service SUVs are bullet proof and Secret Service guy drives off.
9:52 – Helicopter, and Jack’s in it. Chloe says Jack has 4 minutes because this hour of the show is almost over.
9:53 – Terrorists with gas masks are playing with the canisters…. the canisters now have flashing lights and make funny noises when you touch ’em. Just to be sure we know they’re RUSSIAN terrorists, IEST tells them to get back and one says “DA”.
9;54 – Jack is still headed to the natural gas terminal, and he looks ready to jump out. They’re using one of those silent helicopters so that Jack can sneak up on them….. and down a rope they go.
9:54 – PSI in the pipes is down to 54%, and Madam Haig still looks mad they’re done with Audrey.
9:55 – Inside the gas plant, Jack and Curtis shoot a couple of terrorists and then Jack tells everyone to take their silencers off because the guns will be louder that way.
9:56 – Gun fight! Canisters going off! Jack wants to blow up the plant to stop the gas! That’s our boy Jack!
9:57 – IEST looks a little nervous that he didn’t plan a better escape route. Jack sets an explosive device in the plant.
9:58 – Explosions and Jack looks pretty happy he was the one that got to do that.
9:59 – Fight with IEST! Explosions!! Jack pulls IEST into the police car!!! More Explosions!!!! I’m running out of exclamation points!!!!!
10: 00 – Cut to clock at “10:00:00”!
After the show was over, someone pointed out that Audrey was with Weasel, not Robocop. Doh! That’s what I get for trying to watch and type at the same time.
This show would be so much easier to follow if they used nicknames.
I join the folks over on Dave Barry’s Blog on Monday nights to do a Mystery Science Theater style commentary about the TV show 24. People seem to like it there, so I’m reposting it here:
8:00 pm – A sheet over Tony. Yep…Tony’s dead. Either that or he’s going to be a ghost for Halloween.
8:01 – Audrey says Robocop got away. Chloe hacked Robocop’s computer, and found the name of the lady terrorist. Jack hitches a ride with Curtis.
8:02 – VP Scary has handed a speech to Manilow, and it looks like he’s going to shut down Los Angeles. He says that all he has to do is shut down the Hollywood sign, and everything will come to a stand-still.
8:03 – Manilow calls a curfew, and fortunately, everyone in LA being a law abiding citizen, there will be no problem implementing this plan.
8:04 – Madam Haig enters and tells her plan to take ahold of CTU. Bill greets her, and tells her that they’re still looking for a replacement Edgar.
8:05 – Homeland Security Guy (HSG) wants to take over Edgar’s station, and Chloe doesn’t think he can do it. I mean, this guy doesn’t look like he’s had a Ho-Ho in his life.
8:06 – Secret Service guy gets a call from President All-State’s brother, with a delivery. The secret service guy looks worried that it may be an insurance premium.
8:07 – Oh great. VP Scary just said “I’m in control”. Now he’s asking for Anakin.
8:09 – Bill tells Madam Haig that they’ll be back up to strength as soon as they get their replacement Edgar.
8:11 – Whoa! The guy in bed with Terrorist Woman is Desmond from “LOST”! So that’s where he went!
8:12 – Terrorist Woman is on the phone with Impeccable English Speaking Terrorist (IEST). She has the plans, schematics, and access codes for the hatch.
8:13 – IEST plans on gassing 200,000 people in LA by releasing the gas in the line for American Idol auditions.
8:17 – Bill finally caught on that yet another person wants his job. Madam Haig tells Bill that she’s taking over. We all know how well it went the last time someone tried to take over Bill’s job. She’s messing with Bill’s computer’s and he looks nervous that she’ll find his “personal” folder.
8:18 – Audrey is catching on that something weird is going on in CTU. The HS guy gives her this weird “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” stare.
8:19 – Jack is in the Terrorist Woman’s apartment, but can’t find her. Curtis heads upstairs to the roof, since the roof of a 20-story building in LA makes for a good escape route.
8:20 – Desmond jumps Curtis! Desmond asks if Curtis knows the code word, and if he’s a replacement from the Dharma Initiative.
8:21 – Desmond says he’s a secret agent for the Germans, and if they don’t believe him, ask John Locke.
8:24 – Desmond tells Jack that Jack can’t touch him. Heh. He don’t know Jack!
8:28 – Terrorist Woman arrives at Terrorist Headquarters.
8:29 – Audrey is arguing with someone on the phone, and threatens to cry.
8:30 – The Germans won’t let Desmond talk. Something about the Island, different networks, and giving away the ending. Jack asks Curtis to leave.
8:31 – Jack offers Desmond a “wet list”, in exchange for Terrorist Woman’s info. Desmond says that Jack shouldn’t try and be tricky, because he has a couple names from the passenger list already.
8:32 – Jack wants Chloe to hack the NSA. Chloe says she can’t do it because she doesn’t have a key card. As if that stopped her before! Chloe spills Homeland Security coffee on Homeland Security guy’s Homeland Security pants. He goes to the Homeland Security bathroom to clean up.
8:33 – Chloe grabs a keycard and starts typing. She’s on the phone with Jack while hacking into the NSA’s computer, and uploads it to Jack on the Jack phone. Chloe gets away with it…apparently. Homeland Security guy looks Homeland Security suspicious.
8:34 – Jack shows the list to Desmond, who says it looks like the right passenger list. He gives it back to Jack, and tells him to go to Oceanic Airlines at the airport in car lot C.
8:35 – Terrorist Woman asks to have money transferred from IEST, and she tells him the code is “4 8 15 16 23 42”. They enter the code, and IEST tells them to torch the place as Terrorist Woman leaves.
8:41 – VP Scary is in more trouble with one of the governors than with Manilow. One of VP Scary’s padawans tells him that Allstate’s brother is on the way. The road block lets him through.
8:42 – Desmond tells Jack that Terrorist Woman has spider sense and won’t show herself if she senses danger. Desmond still seems to have a crush on Terrorist Woman, probably because he’s been in that hatch for so long.
8:43 – Back at CTU, Bill asks to talk to Chloe. Madam Haig tries to confront Chloe, and they know they Chloe sent a document to Jack. Bill and Madam Haig completely freak out when they find out that Chloe sent the “wet list” to Jack. Homeland Security Guy is giving Chloe another one of his Invasion Stares.
8:44 – Jack, for some reason has his phone on RING. Desmond insists on hearing everything on speaker phone, mainly because if Jack just uses his ear piece to talk, Jack will look like a homeless guy carrying on a one-sided conversation.
8:44 – Madam Haig wants that “wet list” back, and Jack pulls a gun on Desmond. She tells Jack that she’ll get Curtis to take that card back, and Jack tells HER that she’ll be responsible for every live lost. (love-15, advantage Bauer). She tries to pull the “we need authorization” card on Jack, which doesn’t work (love-30, Bauer). Then when Jack says there’s a car coming with Terrorist Woman, she asks if he can guarantee that’s her. Jack says no, but does Madam Haig want to be responsible? (love-40, Bauer) Jack keeps standing up to her, and she finally gives in. (Game to Bauer!) Madam Haig says there will be “repercussions”. Jack tells her she can have all the cussions she wants, and hangs up.
Jack asks Desmond if they’re “alright”.
8:46 – Desmond gets out of the car, so does Terrorist Woman, and they move in. Desmond gets in a car and drives off.
8:48 – Terrorist Woman won’t talk, and as Desmond drives away, he tries to upload the “wet list” to his contacts. Apparently it’s not Windows compatible, because much like a strawberry Pop-Tart, it burst into flames for no apparent reason. He gets a phone call from Jack, who says he’ll help him install Windows. Desmond tells Jack he’s going to have to call technical support and now he’s REALLY mad at Jack.
8:54 – Terrorist Woman still won’t talk. Jack keeps asking questions, and she whines about Desmond. For the second time tonight, Jack tells Curtis to leave. Terrorist Woman tells him that IEST is probably gone. She wants diplomatic immunity because she has a TON of parking tickets.
8:55 – Jack gets on the phone with CTU. Madam Haig says “for the record” for about the 10th time tonight. For the record.
8:57 – A car is following Allstate’s brother, and is speeding up. Van door opens up, and shoots the car which goes off into a ditch. Guys get out of the van headed to the car. Allstate’s brother gets out, and heads for a drainage tunnel to get away.
8:59 – Terrorist Woman’s on the phone with a Terrorist Lawyer. She gives Jack the location of IEST, and that AUDREY SOLD HER THE SCHEMATIC INFO.
Jack’s a little upset about that, because he knows Audrey is going to try and cry her way out of this.