Tag: 24 Humor

If you’ve seen the “24 – Two Days Later” postings that I’ve written over the last 24 weeks, and you’d like to see some of the episodes you missed, you can read them on the 24 – Two Days Later page.

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 24

The following takes place between 6 pm and 7 pm

6:00 pm – Chloe, Bill and Jack watch as Morris reaches towards the ground… but the pieces of the remote aren’t there. They look up, and see that they’re standing at the bottom of a hill on a road which leads up to a spooky looking mansion. A wrought-iron gate bars the way up the road, and a tall stone wall surrounds the estate. It starts to rain.

Bill says, “You all saw that, didn’t you? Before that bright flash of light? That hairy brown elephant thing, and the giant yellow bird…? Please someone, tell me you saw that.”

Jack reassures Bill, “We all saw it.”

6:02 pm – Morris turns to Chloe and says, “So, you’re telling me that you picked up a remote control in that control room and for the last twenty-whatever hours we’ve been running around, and you could have used it to get us back? And you BROKE it? Perfect! Just perfect!” He starts walking down the road.

Chloe yells after him, “Yeah? Like you’re Mr. Perfect! See if I get married to you now!” She realizes what she let slip, and slaps her hand over her mouth.

Bill says, “Wait… What?! What did you just say?”

Chloe tries to remain calm, “What? Nothing. I didn’t say anything.”

Morris says, “Oh, you might as well tell them everything. You’re starting to show anyway.”

Chloe takes off one of her shoes and throws it at Morris, “Just shut up, Morris!”

Jack turns around. “WHAT? You’re pregnant? You’re kidding! Why didn’t you say anything?”

Chloe says, “We were going to tell you. Back at the restaurant before all this chasing around started. I’m pregnant and Morris is the father. We’ve already decided that Morris is going to stay at home with the baby, and I’m going to continue working.”

Morris says, “We’ve decided no such thing! I’m going to…”

6:05 pm – Jack interrupts, “This isn’t the time to argue about this. You two can work it out when we get back home. Right now we have to concentrate on getting into that mansion.” He walks to the stone wall. “Morris, Bill, get over here. I’m going to need a boost to see if I can get over this wall.”

Commercial

6:11 pm – Bill and Morris having been trying to help boost Jack over their shoulders, but Jack can’t reach the top. Chloe tells them, “Quick! Get down! There’s a car coming!” They dive for cover, as a green van with pink flowers on it pulls up to the gates of the mansion. There’s a blonde young man driving, with a red-haired girl in the passenger seat.

As they get out of the van, they’re followed by a short brown-haired girl with glasses and a lanky, scruffy-looking young man. A Great Dane follows them out of the van, bounding forward to catch up.

The blonde young man says, “Well, all the clues lead here. How are we going to get inside, Velma?”

The girl with glasses walks up to the gate and answers, “Fred, the gate is locked. There’s no way in.”

The red-haired girl says, “Maybe Shaggy and Scooby can help!”

The lanky teenager says, “Daphne, You want us to g-g-g-go to that mansion? No way! There are g-g-g-ghosts up there!” The dog barks. The teenager continues, “See? Scooby Doo says so too!”

6:12 pm – Jack jumps up from where he’s hiding and says, “Stop right there!” Shaggy and Scooby quickly run into the van, and slam the side door shut. They peer out of the passenger’s side door.

Velma exclaims, “Jinkies! Who are you?”

Chloe whispers to Morris, “What’s a ‘Jinkies’?”

6:13 pm – Jack says, “My name is Jack Bauer. I’ve been chasing a group of terrorists for the last day, and we think they’re held up inside that mansion.” He beckons for Bill, Chloe and Morris to come out of hiding, which they do.

Fred says, “Listen, Mr. Bauer. I don’t know about any terrorists, but we cornered this ghost fair and square, and we’re going to get the reward.”

Jack says, “We don’t want any reward. We just want to catch the people we’ve been chasing. Just who do you think is inside that mansion?”

Velma says, “We’ve been chasing the ghost of the star of stage and screen Drexel Watershoot. It’s been haunting theaters downtown, and all signs lead here.”

Shaggy comes out of the van holding a wooden sign that reads, “Ghosts this way”. Shaggy says, “Like this one right here. Right, Scoob?” The dog barks. Shaggy says, “See? Scooby thinks so too!”

Bill says, “…But that dog just barked. It didn’t say anything…”

Shaggy says, “Sure he did! He just said the ‘Right’. You didn’t hear that?”

Daphne mumbles to Bill, “Just humor him…”

6:16 pm – Fred sees Jack moving towards the van and yells, “Hey, get away from that van!”

Jack stops at the van and yells, “We can stand around here and talk in the rain, or we can do something about this!” He gets into the van and starts it using the keys Fred left in the ignition. The tires on the van squeal and it speeds towards the gate. Everyone scatters. The van crashes through the gate, sending it flying off its hinges.

He slams on the breaks and the van skids out sideways. Jack yells something, but no one can hear him. Chloe makes a “roll down your window” motion with her hand. Jack rolls down the window and yells, “Everyone into the van!” Fred opens the back door to the van and everyone gets in.

Jack races the van up towards the front of the mansion. As they approach, they see large metal poles starting to rise up towards the sky. Velma asks, “What are those metal poles?”

Chloe says, “They look like giant lightening rods.”

Morris points and says, “Look! There’s a platform! What’s all that stuff on it? It looks like some kind of Rube Goldberg contraption!”

Bill says, “Hey, wait a minute! It looks like it’s made up of parts from all the places we’ve been!”

Chloe says, “And Someone’s up there!”

6:20 pm – Fred tells Jack, “You better slow down!” Jack ignores him. “I said, you better slow down!” Jack ignores him again. They’re headed straight for the front doors of the mansion. Fred pleads, “Would you slow down for a Scooby Snack?”

Jack yells, “Everyone down!” Jack presses the pedal to the floor and drives the van straight through the double front doors of the mansion, down the hallway, and through a plate glass window leading towards a courtyard. He slams on the breaks and skids to a stop inches from the side of a swimming pool.

6:22 pm – Everyone seems pretty shaken up, except Jack. He yells, “Everyone out of the van!” Jack gets out of the van and starts running towards the structure holding the platform and lightning rods.

6:24 pm – It begins to rain harder as Jack makes his way up the stairs. Lightning is crackling all around. He gets to the first landing on the stairs, and a shot rings out, barely missing him. Jack turns and goes back down a few steps. He hears a metallic voice say, “You’re too late, Jack! The plans have been set into motion!” Jack leans out to take a look, and a gunshot grazes his shoulder. He pulls back. The wooden scaffolding allows him to see shapes above him, but not very clearly.

The storm intensifies as Jack fumbles the utility belt he’s wearing, searching for something he can use. Jack pulls out some Gummi Bats and Bat wafers from one of the compartments, and throws them to the ground. He pulls off the utility belt, and opens the compartment that had been at his back. He pulls out a pair of boomerangs which are shaped like bats. He says, “Batterangs!” to himself.

6:27 pm – Bill yells out, “Jack! He’s at the controls on the third story! He’s raising the platform!” Jack looks up through the scaffolding and sees a metallic slab being raised higher into the air. He makes another attempt to go around the corner and up the stairs, but is again repelled by gunfire.

6:28 pm – Jack looks at the inside the structure, and makes his decision. He puts the Batterangs in his mouth and starts to climb. As he climbs, the lightning is crashing all around the structure. He reaches the second level, and starts to climb towards the back of the structure to where the figure is standing at the controls.

He slips on one of the wet beams. The Batterangs slip from his mouth, and he reaches out to grab them with one hand. He’s able to grab onto one of them, but the sharp edges bury into his flesh, which starts to bleed. The other Batterang falls to the ground.

Jack hooks his elbow on a beam and uses his hand to pull the Batterang out of his other hand. He wipes the bloody Batterang and his bloody hand on his pant leg, puts the Batterang back in his mouth, and continues to climb.

Commercial

6:35 pm – The masked figure on the platform pulls a lever, and the metal platform stops. The figure presses a button. Lightning crashes into both of the lightning rods, causing them to glow. The man yells, “This is going to be your end, Jack Bauer!” Jack continues to climb, nearly beneath where the masked man is standing. The man presses a button, and bolts of electricity shoot from the lighting rods onto the platform. Everyone hears an ear-piercing scream.

Jack starts to climb onto the third platform right behind where the figure is standing. The figure pulls a lever, which starts to lower the metal slab. Jack makes his move. He throws the Batterang at the man’s neck but it bounces off with a clanking sound. The figure turns around, and flicks his neck which makes a ‘ping’ noise. “Metal collar, Jack!”

The figure holds up a gun, and points it at him. The metal slab is nearly back down. The man says, “You couldn’t just be lost in one of those worlds, could you Jack?” He pulls the trigger: CLICK! Nothing happens.

6:39 pm – Jack jumps up and hits the man, knocking him backwards towards the railing. Jack tries to force the gun out of his hand, but he won’t let go. The man starts to laugh.

Jack turns his head when he hears noise of something coming up the stairs. [What’s the noise?] Scooby Doo comes running towards them. He tries to stop, but can’t and slides into them, knocking them through the wooden railing and over the side. Scooby turns and races back down the stairs.

Chloe screams as she sees a dark object fly off the platform and speed towards the ground. There’s a large splash in the swimming pool. Everyone rushes to the edge of the pool, and sees that there’s only one person floating in the pool and they appear lifeless. Morris says, “Up there! It’s Jack!” Jack hangs onto a piece of wood that’s jutting out from the platform. Morris yells, “Bill, Chloe, come on!” They run up the stairs.

6:42 pm – Jack grabs onto the third platform deck with his free hand. He gets his footing, and pulls himself up, rolling over onto his back, and breathing heavily. He hears footsteps, and rolls over.

It’s still raining hard, but Jack recognizes the man standing before him. “Tony? Tony, is that you?”

Tony stands there in front of Jack, wires hanging from his neck and arms.

Jack can’t believe it. He says, “How… ? You were dead! How is this possible?”

Tony looks down at Jack, “Michelle! They killed Michelle! It’s the government’s fault. They should have protected us! They’re going to pay for this!” He runs towards Jack, jumping over him. He does a swan dive off the platform, flipping in once in mid-air and lands in the swimming pool below.

6:46 pm – Bill, Chloe and Morris make it to the top of the platform. Jack says, “Tony! I saw Tony! He’s alive! He just dove off the platform!” He starts to get to his feet.

Chloe says, “What are you talking about Jack?”

Bill looks over the edge and says, “Look, down there!” Morris and Chloe go over to the edge, and look down. Fred and Shaggy have gotten the masked figure out of the pool, and are holding him as he struggles. Tony has already gotten out of the pool, and Scooby Doo is chasing after him, into the woods.

Commercial

6:51 pm – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill make their way back down off of the structure, and run to where Fred and Shaggy are holding the man. Scooby comes back out of the woods, and barks. Shaggy says, “Like, Scooby says that guy escaped!” Daphne gives Scooby Doo a Scooby snack, and then throws one to Shaggy too, who catches it in his mouth.

Chloe asks, “What the heck are in those things?”

Daphne says, “Don’t ask.”

6:52 pm – Velma says, “We waited to unmask him until you got here.” She grabs the hood of the man and says, “The ghost who we’ve been chasing after is Drexel Watershoot, who’s still alive!” She pulls off the hood.

Chloe, Morris, Bill and Jack simultaneously say, “Audrey!”

Velma says, “Hey! You’re not Drexel Watershoot, you’re not even a man!”

Chloe says, “Well, there’s some question about that…”

Audrey says, “I disguised my voice, and I had you all fooled! I would have gotten away too, if it wasn’t for these meddling kids! Well, it’s too late now! I brought Tony back, and he’s bent on revenge. CTU is as good as gone! My only regret that I didn’t kill you myself.”

Jack kneels down next to her as she continues to struggle with Fred and Shaggy. “Why, Audrey? Why did you do all of those things?”

Audrey can barely contain her contempt for Jack. “You want to know why? China, Jack. All that time in China. All those hours of torture in front of the television. Do you know how hard it is to play along with Wheel of Fortune in Chinese? And all that time, you didn’t even try and save me.”

Jack says, “Save you? I was in prison too! How could I have saved you?”

Audrey yells, “YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! You’re the great Jack Bauer! You’re supposed to be best agent CTU has ever produced!” She smirks, “I devised this plan while I was in that prison. You’ll never stop Tony.”

6:54 pm – She gets an arm free from Shaggy and tries to reach something on her wrist. Jack grabs her hand before she can reach it, and pulls it back for Shaggy to hold. Jack grabs the device off her wrist. Chloe steps forward and says, “That must be how she was transporting herself around.”

Morris says, “I bet we can use that to get home!”

Chloe says, “I think you’re right. We’ll have to all hold on to each other.”

Audrey says, “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Chloe says, “No, what I’d really like is THIS!” She punches Audrey in the face so hard it knocks Audrey out cold.

Jack starts to say something but Chloe stops him. “She had that coming, Jack. Now let’s go home.”

Jack says, “Fred, Shaggy, we’ll take over. Bill, grab Audrey’s other arm.”

Fred says, “Hey! Wait! What about our ghost?”

Jack says, “That’s still a mystery you have to solve!”

6:55 pm – They all grab hold of each other, and Chloe hold the device in one hand. She says, “Hang on! This could get bumpy!” She presses the button.

There’s a flash of light.

They’re standing in a stairwell outside of the Cheers bar. Jack sees Sam inside and knocks on the door. Sam says, “Sorry, we’re closed!”

There’s a flash of light.

They’re in the middle of giant group hug in a newsroom. People all around them are crying, and they are shuffling towards a box of tissues.

There’s a flash of light.

For a split second, they see that they’re in an Italian restaurant with music playing when suddenly everything goes black.

There’s a flash of light.

It’s still dark. They hear a man’s voice, “I had the strangest dream…” The light goes on. They’re all in bed between a couple who had been asleep.

6:56 pm – There’s a flash of light.

They’re standing in the middle of the warehouse control room. Nadia yells, “Jack!” She rushes forward and puts her arms around him. “We didn’t think we’d see you again!” She gives Chloe a big hug, and people all rush to greet them.

Fenster walks up to Chloe and says, “We thought we lost you!”

Chloe sets down the device and says, “Just promise me to call someone next time we’re in trouble?”

6:57 pm – Bill says, “Nadia, take Audrey Raines into custody. Call CTU headquarters, and tell them to put out an APB out on Tony Almeida. You better set up a perimeter too.”

Nadia hesitates.

Jack asks, “What’s wrong?”

Nadia says, “I got a call from the White House a few minutes before you got back. They’re closing down CTU. They expect to have the whole place shut down within a year.”

Chloe says, “They can’t do that!”

Bill says, “They can, and they will.”

Jack says, “They’ll always need people like us.” He turns to the group and says, “We can worry about this tomorrow. I’m going home to relax. I’m going to go have a cold beer and do something I haven’t done in years. I’m going to sit down and do nothing but watch television. I wonder what’s on?”

Chloe, Morris, Bill and Jack leave the warehouse.

6:59 pm – Fenster looks at the device Chloe left behind, and says, “I wonder what this does?”

There’s a bright flash.

7:00 pm – Time’s up!

Thanks to humorist Dave Barry and his assistant Judi Smith for letting me post these episodes on Dave’s Blog over the last 24 weeks. It was a lot of fun!

I’d like to thank my wife Mary who made a lot of suggestions, and my friend John who looked over all these episodes when I first got done with them and helped correct mistakes. Fortunately he didn’t suffer much brain damage from seeing the episodes in their raw, uncut form.

Thanks for reading!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 23

The following takes place between 5 pm and 6 pm

5:00 pm – Jack, Bill, Chloe and Morris find themselves standing on the sidewalk of an urban street. It’s dark. They walk down the street trying to get their bearings, and figure out where they are.

Jack asks, “What did you think he meant, ‘Send us some place where we can do no harm’? Does he really think after all we’ve done today to stop their plans they can …”

5:02 pm – Bill interrupts, “What was that?!” He points towards an alley. “Did you see that? It was huge!”

They all look, but don’t see anything.

Chloe says, “I think we have bigger problems… look back there!”

They turn around. The street and building abruptly end in a dark void. Jack steps up to it, and puts his hand out to touch it.

Bill says, “Jack! What are you doing? How can you touch something like that?”

Morris says, “Relax! He dated Audrey. How much worse could this be?”

Jack wheels around at Morris, “One more crack about Audrey, and you might not make it back!”

5:05 pm – Chloe steps between them. “Look, we’ve had a hard day. Both of you need to settle down. We have to find a way to contact Fenster. What we really need is someone to ask where we are.”

5:06 pm – Music starts playing around them, and Jack inexplicably breaks out into song:

Sunny day,
Chasin’ these clowns away,
On my way to where perimeters are sweet,

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Counter Terrorism Street?

Made them pay,
Everything will be A-okay,
Friendly analysts there
That’s where we’ll meet,

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Counter Terrorism Street?

5:08 pm – Bill, Chloe and Morris all stop and look at Jack. Jack doesn’t understand why they’re staring at him. He asks, “What? What’s the matter?”

Chloe asks, “Uh… Why did you just break out into song like that?”

Jack says, “What? What are you talking about? I didn’t break out into song!”

Bill says, “Yeah…. Yeah you did, Jack. The lyrics weren’t even that good. Maybe you better sit down.”

Commercial

5:14 pm – Jack sits down on a curb near an apartment stoop and some trash cans as they talk about what to do next. Chloe says, “We need to find a telephone. Any time we’re near a telephone, Fenster has figured out a way to call us.”

None of the lights in upper part of the apartment building are lit, but they can see some lights and movement in a basement apartment. Morris volunteers to go ask if they can use a telephone, and leaves.

5:16 pm – Bill suddenly points down the street. “There it is again! Did you see that?” Chloe and Jack look up, but don’t see anything. Chloe tells Bill that he better sit down too.

5:17 pm – Morris comes back up the stairs, and tells everyone to follow him. At the top of the stairs he says, “Okay, I found some people. These guys are a little odd, but they were the only ones down there.”

Bill says, “Odd? Odd how?”

Morris says, “One of them looks jaundiced and has a single large eyebrow. Kind of like that intern we hired a couple of months ago. The other guy looks like he’s been doing full body applications of that sun tan lotion that turns your skin orange. Other than that, they seem okay… and they’ll let us use their telephone.”

Jack says, “Considering everything else we’ve seen today, that almost seems normal.”

5:19 pm – They go downstairs to the apartment, and Morris introduces everyone to the jaundiced man, “Bert”, and his orange roommate “Ernie”. He tells Bert and Ernie that their friend Jack isn’t feeling very well, and they need a place to stay while they wait for a phone call.

Chloe whispers to Bill, “I’m not sure what’s stranger… Us waiting for a phone call from Fenster, or them not realizing how we could be getting a phone call to their telephone when they haven’t even given us their number…”

Ernie says, “Bert and I were just going over our numbers! Care to join us?”

Chloe says, “You’re accountants? Uh… sorry we wouldn’t be able to help you.”

Ernie laughs, “No silly! Come on Bert!”

5:21 pm – They both recite numbers in a sing-song way, “One, two, three… four, five, six… seven, eight, nine… TEN!”

5:22 pm – Bert says, “Phew! I’m worn out! I’m going to go read my book.” He picks up a book on pigeons and sits down in a chair.

Ernie says, “It’s time for my bath! I have to get my rubber duckie!”

5:23 pm – Jack suddenly stands up and sings:

Rubber Bullets, you’re the one!
You make interrogations lots of fun!
Rubber Bullets, I’m awfully fond of you!

(woah, woah, be doh!)

Rubber Bullets, joy of joys!
When I shoot you, you make noise!
Rubber Bullets, you’re my very best friends, it’s true!

(Do do do doooo, do do)

Every day when I
Interrogate a guy who’s grubby,
I find a little bullet that’s
Cute and rubber and stubby!

(Rub-a-dub-a-dubby!)

Rubber Bullets, you’re so fine!
And I’m lucky that you’re mine!
Rubber Bullets, I’m awfully fond of you!

Jack sits back down.

5:25 pm – Chloe points at Jack and says, “There! Right there! You sang again! That’s what I’m talking about.”

Jack looks at Chloe like she’s crazy.

Ernie says, “I recognize the tune, but not the words!” He laughs. “Oh well, off to my bath!”

Commercial

5:31 pm – Everyone waits in the apartment while Ernie takes his bath. Morris tries to pick out a magazine, but the only magazines he can find either have to do with the alphabet, counting, pigeons or rubber ducks. The phone rings, and Jack answers it. It’s Nadia.

5:32 pm – Nadia says, “It worked! Jack, I can’t believe I got you! Fenster just pressed a button on the console here, and told me you’d be on the other end! I can see you on the television monitor above that door over there. Where are you?”

Bill says, “We’ve been chasing after some terrorists that caused that explosion near the restaurant. We chased them into the warehouse you’re standing in, and followed them through that door below the television monitor you’re looking at. Whatever you do, don’t go into that doorway!”

Nadia says, “We’re way ahead of you there. One of my men went through there, and came back ten seconds later. He came back babbling about seeing cavemen trying to adjust to today’s society. He said he was the most horrific thing he’d ever seen.”

Jack says, “Ten seconds! How did he get back so quickly?”

Nadia says, “He said he just walked right back through the portal. Can’t you do that?”

Jack says, “You don’t understand. We haven’t been walking through other portals. We keep changing places every hour. Right now we’re in someone’s basement. You have to find us a way out of here!’

Nadia says, “I have people working on that right now. We’ve been able to detect one other person that shouldn’t been there. That’s probably who you’re after. You have to get out there and find them, and see if you can get any information out of them.”

Jack says, “We’ve been TRYING to do that. These people don’t know anything! There’s somebody controlling this whole operation. THAT’S the person we’re after. Find him, and we’ll finish this once and for all. I’m going out there to find that other person you say is here, if it’s him, we can finish this! Call me back at this number if you find anything out. Just do it before the top of the hour!”

5:36 pm – Jack hangs up the phone, and explains to everyone what Nadia said. He asks Bert to find them if the phone rings again. Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris walk out of the basement apartment and back upstairs to the curb. The street is still very quiet.

Jack tells Bill, “Stay right here in case the phone call comes in. We’re just going down the street a little way to see if we can find that guy Nadia was talking about.”

Bill hesitates, “Look, Jack… There’s something weird about this place. I keep seeing things no one else does.”

Jack says, “That’s why you’re staying here. If you see something that bothers you, just run back downstairs to Bert and Ernie’s apartment.”

Bill says, “Well, what do you want me to do in the meantime?”

Jack says, “I don’t know… hum something to yourself. If you see anything weird, just yell. Look, I know I can count on you.”

5:37 pm – Jack, Chloe and Morris head down the street. A voice in the distance says, “Count on you! Ha! Ha! One! Two! Ha! Ha! Three! Four! Ha! ha!”

Commercial

5:43 pm – Jack, Morris and Chloe peer into shop windows as they move down the street, but don’t see anything. Chloe says, “Bill’s right. This place does give me the creeps. Where is everyone?”

At this end of the street, there’s an old theatre. There’s a poster for a sold out performance of “Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem – Final Engagement”. Jack tries the door, and it opens. They go inside.

5:44 pm – They step into the lobby, and see posters on the wall of a frog, a pig, and other animals. They hear a noise in the theater. Jack motions for Chloe and Morris to keep quiet, and they make their way back to the theater.

Jack carefully opens the door, and enters. The theater is very large, complete with balconies, many plush velvet seats, and a large stage. Jack whispers, “I bet he’s in here. Spread out, we have to find this guy.”

5:45 pm – Jack, Morris and Chloe walk past row after row of seats, but don’t see anyone. Jack tells everyone he’s going to check the balconies, and suggests that Chloe and Morris check backstage.

Morris and Chloe make their way backstage. Row after row of costumes are on racks, but there’s no sign of anyone. They walk back towards the dressing rooms, and hear something. They stop outside a door marked “Miss Piggy”.

Chloe tells Morris, “Go check what it is!”

Morris says, “Me? You’re the one with the taser! You go check! Besides… My shoulder still hurts!”

Chloe raises her voice and says, “You’re going to milk that for all its worth, aren’t you? I bet the drill bit wasn’t even that big.”

Morris says, “Keep your voice down!”

Chloe raises her voice higher and says, “I’ll talk however loud I want to talk!”

5:47 pm – The dressing room doors flies open. A female pig with long hair and make up comes out of the room and screams when she sees Chloe and Morris. Miss Piggy yells, “HI-YA!” and hits Chloe right in the stomach. She yells, “HI-YA!” again, and hits Morris. They both double over, the wind knocked out of them. “DON’T YOU MORONS KNOW MOI WANTS IT QUIET?!” She realizes they’re not who she expected, “Hey! You’re not on the staff! Who are you people??” Her voice suddenly changes to a sickly sweet tone, “You’re not here with the pizzas moi ordered, are you?”

Morris breathes, “No… Just… checking… for intruders…” He gets a better look at her. “You’re a… you’re a…”

Miss Piggy’s voice gets deeper as she says, “Watch it buster.”

5:48 pm – Meanwhile, Jack walks up the stairs, and hears a noise coming from a balcony compartment.

Jack enters the compartment and sees two chairs with back plates labeled, Statler and Waldorf. Someone hits him from behind, knocking him to the floor. It’s the dark-hooded man they’ve been chasing! The man leaps from the balcony on to the stage below, rolling as he lands. Jack yells, “He’s on the stage! I see him!

The man almost involuntarily stands up and in his metallic voice sings:

It’s not easy bein’ seen!
Have to spend each day hoping not to be shot up in the thighs,
When I think…

Jack yells, “Chloe! Morris! Get him!”

5:49 pm – This snaps the figure out of his trance. He screams in frustration. Chloe, Morris and Miss Piggy come running from backstage, surprising the man. Chloe yells, “Hi-Ya!” and chops him right in the stomach, causing him to double over. The man falls to the ground. He rolls away and pulls something out of his pocket.

Jack leaps from the balcony to the stage. The man points a device at Jack, laughs and says, “The device is nearly complete. I just had to retrieve this spare hearing aide from the balcony. You’ll never live to see it though, Jack.” The man presses a button on the device he’s holding.

Nothing happens.

For a split second, everyone stands there as they realize nothing dramatic happened. The man screams in frustration. Jack tries to grab him, but the man touches something on his wrist and in a flash of light disappears.

Everyone’s quiet while they contemplate what just happened. Miss Piggy tells Chloe, “That’s a pretty good karate chop. If you ever need a job, look moi up.” She goes backstage.

Jack sits down in one of the chairs, puts his face in his hands and says, “We’re never going to get these guys…”

5:51 pm – Meanwhile, Bill looks around nervously as he stands at the top of the staircase to Bert and Ernie’s apartment. He starts humming to himself, and then starts to sing:

This is the song…
La la la la
Bill’s song.
La la la la
La la la la
Bill’s song…

La la la
La la la la la,
La la la
La la la la la,

I love to sing,
La la la la
Bill’s song,
La la la la,
La la la la,
Bill’s song!

I wrote the music
I wrote the words,
That’s Bill’s Song!

5:52 pm – The lid to a trash can goes flying off. A hairy green creature with large eyes pops its head out of the trashcan and yells, “Elmo! Do you have any idea what time it is? Some of us are trying to get our ugly sleep!”

Bill yells, “Jack!!” He runs downstairs and nearly falls on his way down.

5:53 pm – Chloe, Morris and Jack all come running back, and find Bill banging on the door to Bert and Ernie’s apartment. Bert opens the door, and Bill throws himself into the room. The only thing he says is, “Trash can! Trash can! Monster in the trash can!”

Bert says, “Where else would you expect him to be? That’s his home!”

Jack ignores this and says, “Calm down, Bill. We’ll take a look.”

5:54 pm – Everything looks as it did before. Jack looks around the trash cans, but doesn’t see anything. Bill points at the trash can we was talking about. Jack puts his hand on the can which the monster popped out of and starts to sing:

Oh, I love guns!
Give me a revolver or shotgun or Uzi,
Give me a flintlock, I’m not really choosey,
Yes, I love guns!

I have here two pistols that are battered and worn,
They’re a little bit rusty and the cases are torn,
A gift from my father the day I was born,
I love them because they’re guns!

Oh, I love guns!
Give me a rifle or Luger or Uzi,
Give me a machine gun and I’ll get all woozie,
Yes, I love guns!

I found an old shotgun at thirteen years old,
A black powder musket, it’s blue and it’s cold,
But I won’t trade it for a big pot o’ gold!
I love them because they’re guns!

5:56 pm – Chloe yells at Jack, and slaps him in the face. The slap snaps him out of his trance, and he stops singing. The trash can lid goes flying up, and the green monster pops out again, “Will you people be quiet! Some of us are trying to get some sleep around here!” The lid slams shut. Everyone looks startled.

Ernie comes out of the apartment holding a rubber duck, and drying an ear out with a towel. He says, “Don’t mind Oscar! He’s just a grouch!”

Morris whisper to Chloe, “Maybe you two are related?”

She tries to punch him in the arm, but he dodges, so she slaps him on the back of the head.

5:57 pm – Ernie continues, “Hey, your friend is on the phone!’ Ernie hands him a cordless phone.

Nadia says, “Jack! We’ve got an idea of how to get you back to us. From what we can tell, one of the computers here is automatically switching locations on the screens. We had some of our other analysts look at the equipment, and they saw that it’s missing a television remote control. If they’re using that, we might be able to use it to get you back here!”

Jack turns to Morris, Bill and Chloe and tells them, “Nadia says that one of them might have a television remote? We have to look for it.”

Chloe look startled. “Jack! When we were in the warehouse, I grabbed a television remote! I put it in my purse!”

Morris bursts out into song:

C is for Chloe, that’s good enough for me!
C is for Chloe, that’s good enough for me!
C is for Chloe, that’s good enough for me!
Oh, Chloe, Chloe, Chloe starts with C!

They all stare at Morris. He says, “I just sang something, didn’t I….?”

5:58 pm – Chloe says, “Oh forget that.” She looks in her purse. Bill says, “If you’re telling me that we could have gone home this whole time just by using the remote control in your purse…”

Chloe turns white as a sheet and says, “Oh, no…” She turns the purse over and out come broken pieces of a television remote. She says, “It must have broken while we were traveling around! How are we going to get back?”

Morris reaches towards the broken pieces on the ground and says, “Maybe we can fix…”

Bill points down the street and yells, “Giant brown elephant! It’s coming! There’s a big bird with it! Can’t you all see them?”

5:59 pm – There’s a bright flash.

Chloe, Bill and Jack watch as Morris reaches towards the ground… but the pieces of the remote aren’t there. They look up, and see that they’re standing at the bottom of a hill on a road which leads up to a spooky looking mansion.

6:00 pm – Time’s up!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE FINAL EPISODE OF “24 – TWO DAYS LATER!”

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 22

The following takes place between 4 pm and 5 pm

4:00 pm – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing next to two white poles. They look around for a moment, and realize there are many more white poles all around them. An eerie deserted feeling comes over them. Bill says, “I don’t like this. Where are all the people?” Morris looks up and says, “Better question: What the heck are those things?”

Everyone looks up and sees a large circular platform at the top of each pair of poles. Chloe says, “Either we’re in the future, or Seattle has gone crazy with that Space Needle design.”

4:03 p m- Jack uses some binoculars he finds in the Batman utility belt he’s still wearing, and scans the sky. He points off into the distance as he watches, and says, “It looks like a stream of flying cars over there!”

Chloe says, “That’s still not much of a hint. Are we in Seattle or not?”

Bill suddenly yells, “Jack! Look out!”

4:04 pm -Jack turns around just in time to be bowled over by a grey blur that hits him fast and hard, knocking him to the ground.

The object that hit Jack turns and heads back, slowing down. It’s a dog…wearing a jet pack.

The dog makes noise that sounds like, “Ruh Ro.” as he slows down to where Jack fell.

4:06 pm – Jack rubs his head, and sees the dog. He says “Great… Just great. Talking dogs…” and then passes out.

Commercial

4:11 pm – Jack wakes up. He’s lying on the floor, surrounded by Chloe, Morris and Bill. Jack says, “I had the strangest dream! You were there… and you… and you! I was in a far-away land, traveling to the Emerald City…”

Chloe slaps Jack, “Snap out of it and quit screwing around! We have to figure out where to go!”

A man runs into the room. “Is he OK? Where do you have to go? You’re not going to sue are you?” He falls to his knees, “Oh, please! Don’t sue! I have two kids, a wife, a dog, and a robot to feed! Mr. Spacely will be so mad! Please!”

Jack sits up, “Calm down! I’m not going to sue! Where are we? Who are you?”

The man says, “George Jetson. You’re in my house!”

Jack introduces everyone, and then asks, “Why would we sue you?”

George looks surprised to hear Jack say this. “What? What do you mean?”

Jack says, “Well, it was an accident, right? Why would I sue you for that?”

George looks suspicious and says, “It’s how you earn your living? Half the population are lawyers, and the other half sue… You’re not from around here are you?”

4:15 pm – Jack says, “No, as a matter of fact we’re not.” He sizes up George, and decides he’s O.K. “You have to promise not to tell anyone… We’re time travelers.”

George says, “And…?”

Bill says, “What do you mean, ‘and?’ Doesn’t that surprise you?”

4:16 pm – George says, “Why should that surprise me? My son was off on a time-travel field trip last week! He went to 2010, to listen to the Big Diddy Gore and the “I Was Just Kidding” concert tour…”

Chloe says, “Big … You mean Al Gore?”

George exclaims, “Oh! You’ve heard of him! He was really big back in 2010. Toured all over the country after the fight.”

Chloe asks, “Fight? What fight? You mean the 2000 election?”

George scoffs. “Pffft! That was nothing! He got into it with some of the candidates for flying around in jets during the 2008 election cycle, and decided to bag the whole election thing. He started wearing his Nobel Prize around his neck and created a rap group.”

Morris says, “And he was famous for this? For this rap music?”

George says, “For a while, but…”

4:19 pm – Jack interrupts, “This is all really fascinating, but we came here to do a job, not to find out who the latest rap artists will be in…. What year did you say this was?”

A woman’s voice calls from the other room. “George, dear! We’re home!”

The dog goes bounding out of the room, saying “Roh Roy!”

4:20 pm – George motions for everyone to follow him, and they go into the next room. A woman is standing in the kitchen with a young boy and a white haired young woman.

George says, “Let me introduce you. This is my wife Jane, my son Elroy, and my daughter Judy.”

Morris mutters, “Daughter? That white hair makes her look like a grandma!”

Chloe slugs him in the shoulder.

4:22 pm – Jane says, “Everyone’s still out on vacation. The stores weren’t crowded at all. We had…

Jack says, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we really need to get some information. Do you have a computer we can use?”

Elroy speak ups, “Sure! I got one with my cereal.” He points to a small capsule tied to a square box.

Chloe picks up the capsule. “This is a computer? That’s amazing!”

Elroy takes the capsule out her hand. “That’s the cereal.” He hands her the box, “This is the computer.” He walks away, saying “Geesh! Grown-ups! Come on, Astro!” He and Astro leave.

Chloe stares at the box in her hand. “How do I use this? What does it run?”

Jane says, “That runs the latest and greatest from Microsoft: Windows XP!”

Morris asks, “Windows XP?”

Jane says, “Oh, you know… They keep coming out with new operating systems every couple of years, but everyone wants to use something kind of stable, so we just keep going back to Windows XP, even for the toy computers like that one.”

Chloe says, “Well, how do I use it?”

4:25 pm – Jane takes the box from Chloe’s hand, and places the box on the table. She presses both sides at once, and 42 inch video panel appears in mid-air, just floating there. Jane says, “It’s a bit of a toy, like I said. It only has three exabytes of storage, and a 400 terahertz CPU. It should be good enough for browsing on the Internet.”

Chloe stares at the video screen. It’s still dark.

Chloe asks, “Why isn’t doing anything yet?”

Jane says, “I told you, it’s running Windows! It’s still booting!”

Commercial

4:32 pm – Jack and Bill stand near the window overlooking the rest of the buildings. He asks George, “Where is everyone? You’re the only people we’ve seen, except for those airplanes out there.”

George says, “Those aren’t airplanes. That’s the expressway. Anyway, everyone’s down in Miami for The Herald Hunt. Biggest event in the country. It’s in its 74th year. The Herald Hunt is run by Dave Barry and Tom Shroeder…”

Jack says, “Yeah, I know what it is. I was there last year… Wait a minute, how could those guys be running it still? Wouldn’t they be…” He counts on his fingers, and gives up. “Really old by now?”

George says, “Oh, they’re still around. I think they were the ones that discovered your body could be preserved by beer. Anyway, a few years ago, they decided to let computers handle the whole thing. They did a personality download to the computers to create puzzles for the Hunt.”

Bill says, “Why did they do that?”

George says, “They used to make the puzzles themselves, but it got to the point where the people solving the puzzles were SO good at it, they were solving the Hunt before the Hunt started. After that happened, Tom and Dave decided to switch to computers.”

Jack asks, “Did that work?”

George says, “Oh, yeah… Now it does. It took a few weeks to get the computers started up though. When they first started the download, it filled up 45 terabytes with booger jokes before it started working on Hunt puzzles.”

4:37 pm – Jane walks over to Jack and tells him he has a phone call. She presses a button on the wall, and a large video phone descends from the ceiling. Fenster is on the screen.

Fenster says, “Jack! I’m glad I got you! Ex-Secretary of Defense Heller is REALLY mad. He drove off a couple cliffs within the last couple of hours alone. He wants to hold CTU accountable for Audrey’s disappearance. He’s threatening to shut the place down!”

Jack responds, “Now, excuse me if I’m mistaken here…. But you’re talking about Ex-Secretary of Defense Heller, right?”

Fenster says, “Right…”

Jack says, “He’s an ‘EX’ Secretary! Let him drive off all the cliffs he wants to. What’s he going to do? He’s not in the position to do anything anyway. I’ll look for Audrey when we get out of this mess. Get Nadia to get some help over there, to get us out of here!” He presses a button and the video phone retracts into the ceiling.

4:42 pm – Chloe says, “Hey, Jack! I got it working! You have to come and see this!”

Jack and Bill walk over to Chloe and she points at the screen. “You see that? That’s the CTU website!”

The web page she’s pointing at reads: “Welcome to CTU: Comforting Terrorism Unit”.

Jack yells, “Comforting?! That’s just wrong!! What’s happened to our CTU?!”

4:46 pm – Jack asks George to take them over to CTU headquarters. They get into George’s flying car. Chloe asks how they fuel it. George tells her that they’ve found that by capturing all the hot air and methane generated in Washington D.C, they were able to supply most of the country’s fuel needs.

Commercial

4:51 pm – They arrive at a building covered with painted flowers and the letters CTU perched on top of it.

Bill says, “This looks like something out of the sixties!”

Chloe looks at Morris and says, “If you say ‘groovy’, I’m going to taser you.”

4:53 pm – They walk towards the building, and see a small display in front of a fountain. On the display, there’s a picture of a rabbit and a wolf holding paws. The plaque reads:

“Dedicated to all those terrorists who are just so gosh darn hard to convince that bombing, shooting, and hostage taking are bad things. We hope that through our continued efforts, we’ll get an understanding of why they are so mad at us. We also hope that they’re not doing bad things while we wait for their next moves, so we can make the world a better place through hugs and pats on their thighs.

Signed,

Jacques Bauer – Head of CTU – Comfort Terrorism Unit”

Jack looks like he’s about to throw up. He asks, “What’s going on around here? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever read! Hugs? Pats on the thigh?! Is this guy kidding??”

4:55 pm – They walk into the building where the doorman hands them each a flower. They walk up to the receptionist. Jack says, “I want to talk to this Jacques Bauer, right now! There are some terrorists on the loose around here somewhere, and we need to talk to him right away!”

The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but he’s in a meeting right now can can’t be disturbed.” She glances over at the conference room behind her. Jack sees this, heads for the door and opens it.

4:57 pm – Two figures at the end of the conference room are hugging. A man says, “There! Isn’t that so much better! A nice hug will help get that hostility out!”

Jacques turns, and Chloe says, “Jack! That could be your brother! …Er, I mean if you still had a brother.”

Jack says, “Shut up, Chloe!”

A metallic voice says, “Yes, shut up, Chloe! Jack and I have some business to deal with.” The figure turns, and it’s the same hooded figure they’ve been following. “Your days of following me around have ended! With this device, I’ll send you all to a place where you can’t do any harm!”

Jack runs towards him, and ZAP! There’s a flash of light. Jack’s gone.

Chloe yells, “Again with the melodrama…” The figure points the device, and ZAP! Chloe, Morris and Bill are gone too.

Jacques looks at the hooded figure, and says, “Now, what did I tell you about hostility? Hug it out!” He tries to go for another hug, but the hooded figure pushes a button on a wrist watch, and disappears in a flash of light.

4:59 pm – Jack, Bill, Chloe and Morris find themselves standing on the sidewalk of an urban street.

5:00 pm – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 21

The following takes place between 3 pm and 4 pm

3:00 pm – Jack, Bill, Morris and Chloe are standing in a large pit with gravel all around them.

Morris says, “Did Darrin say what I thought he said? He created an ad campaign against CTU? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.”

Bill says, “CTU has been around in one form or another for longer than we’ve all been alive. I figure that from the way Samantha, Darrin and the rest of those people were dressed, it must have been the early 60s. Why would they need advertisements for stopping CTU from being created?”

3:02 pm – There’s a loud scream.

Chloe says, “Well, it’s about time!”

Morris says, “What? You were waiting for a scream?”

Chloe says, “No, don’t be stupid. I mean it’s about time we hear a man scream. Usually it’s just women. I’m getting really sick of that, Jack. Jack?”

3:03 pm – Jack is already running up a dirt ramp to the top of the pit, and the others follow. Once he makes it out of the gravel pit, he stops to look around. Off in the distance there’s a tropical jungle, with some kind of commotion happening. A man and two children are running away from something Jack can’t see.

He runs towards them as they disappear into the jungle and out of sight. There’s still a lot of yelling which becomes more distinct as Jack gets closer. He hears a man yell, “Holly! Will! Keep running! Run to the cave! RUN!”

As they yelling fades, Jack stops at the edge of the jungle, uncertain of where to run next. Chloe, Morris and Bill catch up to him. Before they can say anything, Jack motions for them to stay quiet. Something hisses, a twig snaps and the bushes rustle nearby.

3:05 pm – Jack lunges towards the noise, disappearing into the jungle. Jack yells, “I have you now!” The rest of the group follows him. A few yards away, they find Jack on the ground wrestling with something that looks like a humanoid lizard. He starts to punch the lizard in the sides and it says, “Stop! Stop! We’re just joking!”

Jack jumps up and away from the lizard, completely surprised to find out that 1) A lizard can speak, and 2) that a lizard jokes. He says, “What is this? What’s going on?”

The lizard slowly starts to get up, reaches up, and removes his head…it’s a mask! It’s a teenager. “We were just joking! We didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

3:06 pm – Chloe steps closer, and examines the mask. She says, “This is a rubber mask! This kid is wearing a rubber suit!” She turns to the kid, “What did you think you were doing? You could have gotten hurt!”

The teenager says, “It’s all a joke! Those people came here and started camping out in the jungle a few weeks ago. A bunch of us at school thought it would be funny to try and scare them, so we bought these rubber suits. We go into the jungle and make hissing noises to freak them out! We were just trying to have fun! We didn’t mean to hurt anyone!”

Bill says, “Jack, he’s just a kid. He’s not even with the people we’re chasing. Let him go.”

The teenager’s eyes grow wide as he stares at Jack and says, “You’re Jack? I promise I’ll never do this again!” He turns and runs into the jungle.

Jack starts to run after him, but stops when Chloe says, “Jack! He’s just a kid! Let him go!”

Jack says, “Yeah, but he recognized me! How is that possible?”

No one has an answer to this.

3:09 pm – Morris finally asks, “Do you think we’re supposed to help the people in the jungle?”

Jack says, “I don’t think so. Maybe if I had caught up with them. They are just campers. I want to know why that kid thought he recognized me. I think that’s what we’re after. Let’s go back to that gravel pit, and go beyond it. I want to see what’s out there. Let’s go.”

Commercial

3:14 pm – The group has walked past the gravel pit, and continues to what looks like some sort of town. The buildings appear to be made of rock.

Bill stops and says, “It is all clear to me now! All of it!”

Chloe says, “You know why the terrorists are doing all these things?”

Bill says, “No, but I always wanted to say that.”

Chloe punches him.

3:15 pm – Morris says, “There’s something weird going on here… and I mean weirder than normal. These homes look like something out of history. I mean like ‘Bang rocks together to make sounds’ history.”

Chloe says, “You mean like the 50s?”

The buildings are stone, the fences are stone, and even the mailboxes are stone. Bill says, “I bet they don’t take things for granite around here!” Chloe rolls her eyes.

3:17 pm – A man wearing an orange animal skin with black spots stands near the edge of the street. Jack approaches him and says, “Sir, can we ask you a few questions? We’re a bit lost. My name is Jack…”

The man interrupts, “YABBA DABBA DOO! No need for introductions! I know who you are! I’m a big supporter of yours! The name’s Flintstone. Fred Flintstone! Come on in!”

3:18 pm – They all walk into the house. A woman is placing a pile of huge ribs on a kitchen table. Fred calls to her, “Wilma!”

The woman looks startled to see the group. Jack says, “I was hoping that…”

The woman looks surprised, “It’s you!”

Jack looks surprised, “What do you mean…”

The woman says, “Wait until Betty hears about this!”

3:19 pm – She walks over to a table and picks up a ram’s horn, and makes a phone call. Chloe sees something on an end table that draws her interest. The woman says, “Hello, Betty? This is Wilma. You’ll never guess who’s here! Jack Boulder! Yes! In our house! Sure, you can come over!” She hangs up. “They’ll be over in a few minutes. Are you hungry? Have a seat!”

Jack says, “No ma’am. That’s OK. We just have a few questions.”

Chloe stares at the pile of ribs. “What the heck are these?”

Wilma says, “Those beaver ribs are just Fred’s dinner. I bought them at the butchers.”

Chloe says, “Beaver ribs? How big was it? It must have been huge!”

Wilma says, “No, just normal size.”

Chloe says, “What did you cut them with, a chain saw?”

Wilma doesn’t understand, “A what? No, just my usual beaver cleaver.”

3:22 pm – While this is going on Morris calls Bill over, and hands him a rock. Bill says, “You handed me… a rock.”

Morris shakes his head, “Take a closer look!”

Bill turns the rock in his hand. “It’s a… Pretty rock?” and takes a step back away from Morris.

Morris says, “Look at it!”

3:23 pm – Bill looks at it and is surprised, “Hey, this is a camera! He looks at it, and sees a door on the back. A small bird with a chisel and mallet is inside the camera standing in front of an easel. Bill says, “You’re telling me this bird chisels a picture when you take a picture? That’s remarkable!”

The bird shrugs, “Eh! It’s a living”. The bird grabs the camera door and slams it shut.

Commercial

3:28 pm – A bird squawks, and a woman and a short man come into the house. Wilma is very excited in introducing them to Jack as their neighbors Betty and Barney Rubble.

Barney says, “Glad to meet you!”

Betty says, “Happy to meet you!” She steps closer to Jack, take a good look and then says, “But Wilma! This isn’t Jack Boulder! Jack Boulder has a more chiseled look!”

Barney looks more closely, “Hey! Betty’s right! Who are you people?”

Jack says, “I’ve been trying to tell you. My name is Jack Bauer, not ‘Boulder’. My friends and I are tracking down some bad people. Have you seen anything out of the ordinary?”

Fred says, “Besides you? No nothing.” Barney, Betty and Wilma all agree with Fred.

Jack says, “I don’t understand. Usually we’re here to help someone.”

3:32 pm – Standing over at the end table, Chloe speaks up, “Oh, this isn’t good. Jack! Take a look at this newspaper… er, newsrock!” She hands it to him. It shows the headline, “Big Speech At City Hall. The picture below the headline shows a man that looks remarkably like Jack.

Jack says, “I don’t get it. What’s wrong?”

Chloe says, “That article says that there’s going to be a big speech today. Jack Boulder is going to give his presentation to this city council and protesters are going to be there also.”

Jack says, “I still don’t get it.”

Chloe says, “Jack! He’s giving a speech about forming CTU! The advertisements that Darrin made for the terrorists… I bet they’re going to try and stop him!”

Bill says, “And if they stop CTU from being formed now…”

Chloe and Morris say (at the same time), “We won’t have any of those fun gadgets to play with!” They look at each other, and say “Jinx!”

Jack says, “It’s worse than that! There won’t be any perimeters and the terrorists will take over the country!” He turns to Fred, “Do you have a car I can borrow?”

3:35 pm – They run out to the garage. Fred’s ‘car’ has two huge cylindrical boulders for wheels, a couple of large logs connecting them, and an animal skin stretched over some branches, forming a roof.

Jack says, “How am I supposed to work this thing?”

Fred says, “By using your feet! …You’re not from around here are you?”

Jack tries to move the car by using his feet, but can’t budge it. “It won’t move.”

Fred says, “Well, of course not. What are those things on your feet?”

Wilma says, “Why don’t you just let Fred drive, courtesy of his two feet? A couple of you will fit in the front, and the rest and sit on the board on the back.”

3:37 pm – Fred jumps into the car, and Morris and Bill go around to the back. As they drive away, Morris asks Bill, “So… Wilma or Betty?”

Commercial

3:43 pm – There’s a large crowd at the city plaza. Up on a podium, a man is addressing the crowd.

Fred says, “That’s Mayor Talc. He’s introducing Jack Boulder! YABBA DABBA DOO!”

Chloe whispers to Jack, “Why does he keep saying that?”

3:45 pm – Mayor Talc says, “And without further dabba do….er, I mean ado, I’m pleased to announce the formation of CTU: The Cro-magnon Tactical Unit. I’d like to introduce you to: Jack Boulder!”

While the speech is going on, Jack spots a group of protesters. He tells the group to stay where they are while goes to find out what they’re up to.

Jack Boulder addresses the crowd, “Thank you, Mayor Talc! I’m pleased that the city council has helped us form CTU. We’ll have the latest in technology, and will be using all the latest techniques: Looking at rocks, throwing rocks, finding out where the bad guys are hiding their rocks, and keeping them from getting really big rocks…”

3:48 pm – Jack sneaks up behind the protesters, and just as one raises a gun and shoots, Jack tackles him. Jack Boulder falls on the stage. People scream and run

Jack turns the man he tackled over. The man doesn’t struggle at all. Jack Boulder comes running off the stage towards Jack. Chloe, Morris and Bill run over too. Boulder says, “Good job, citizen! Let’s interrogate this guy! I have some pebbles I want to shoot into this guy’s thigh!”

Chloe says, “We’ll get him to talk! Throw me a taser!”

Boulder reaches into a pack he’s wearing and throws Chloe a piece of rolled up carpet and some socks. He tells her, “Throw it on the ground, and rub your feet back and forth…then touch him.” He sees Chloe’s expression and says, “…Hey! It’s just a prototype!”

3:49 pm – The man who shot Boulder doesn’t seem concerned about being captured. He just looks at a watch on his wrist, and smiles. There’s a countdown timer on the watch. Jack jumps up and tells everyone to get out of there. What’s left of the crowd scatters… and the next moment the man disappears. Jack screams in frustration.

Commercial

3:55 pm – The police run around and make sure that everyone’s OK. Jack Boulder has been taken away to have his shoulder looked at. Jack says, “Why can’t we hold on to these people?”

He hears a metallic voice behind him. “It’s because you keep ruining my plans, Jack.” He turns to see a dark hooded figure standing on top of a nearby building. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

Jack yells, “Who are you? What are you doing here?”

3:56 pm – The figure on the rooftop says, “Let’s just say that I have a personal score to settle with you. Plus I’m almost out of men because you keep ruining my plans.”

Jack yells back, “You thought going back in time would stop CTU?”

3:58 pm – The hooded figure says, “You really aren’t seeing the big picture, Jack. I don’t just want you dead; I want you and your little CTU friends gone for all time!”

Chloe rolls her eyes and yells, “Couldn’t be a little MORE melodramatic, could you?”

The figure points something at them. There’s a bright flash.

3:59 pm – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing next to two white poles.

4:00 pm – Time’s up!