Tag: 24 parody

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 12

The following takes place between 6 am and 7 am

6:00 am – Everyone gains their bearings as they try and focus on where they’re standing. Despite the fact that they just appeared out of no where on a busy city sidewalk, no one around them seems to have noticed. Jack points at a clock on the outside of a building, and says, “According to that clock, it’s 9 p.m. here. Let’s get going.” Bill and Chloe follow Jack down the sidewalk. Morris has other ideas.

Morris yells, “That’s it! I’m through! This is completely absurd! All I wanted was a nice quiet dinner out with my friends! In the last week, I’ve been drilled in the shoulder, kidnapped, and shot at. Everything calmed down for a couple of days and now we’re traveling from one crazy place to the next, and just as we’re about to find out some answers to what the heck is going on in that last crazy place, we’re transported away… AGAIN! You all act like this is completely normal! Like you do this sort of thing every day! We don’t even know what city this is!”

Morris turns to an old woman walking her little white dog, and says, “Hey, you! You! What city is this?”

The woman takes one look at Morris and says, “Bite me!”

Chloe and Bill turn to each other and both say, “New York.”

6:04 am – Jack tries to calm Morris down, “OK, so we know we’re in New York. The main thing is that we have to keep going and get those terrorists. They’re collecting items and we need to find out how they’re getting us to jump from place to place. Come on, let’s go!” They all walk down the street.”

Commercial

6:09 am – A car on the street comes to a screeching halt right next to where the group is standing. Other cars swerve to avoid the car and several drivers say things that aren’t printable in a family blog like this. A tall thin man with brown hair jumps out of the driver’s side of the car. He runs up to Morris and holds up a device that has LEDs on either side of it. The LEDs light up on either side of the device, all the way to the top, as he holds it up to Morris. The man says, “I knew it! I knew it! Hey, Scully!”

Chloe and Bill turn to each other and both say, “New York.”

Scully, a redheaded woman comes out of the passenger side of the car and says, “Mulder, will you leave those people alone?”

6:12 am – Mulder is too distracted to notice what Scully just said. He says, “Scully, these readings are off the chart!” The device emits a high-pitched squeal as he turns a knob. He looks at Morris, “Quick! Tell me what you were just doing!”

Morris sputters, “I… I was just talking to some of my friends…”

Mulder looks at Morris and taps the device again. He runs over to Chloe and Bill, and the device has the same reaction as it did with Morris. Mulder moves over to Jack… same result. Jack puts his hand on the device to move it out of his face and asks, “What’s this all about?”

Mulder mutters to himself, and twists another knob on the device. Scully says, “Mulder! Quit bothering these people!”

Mulder says, “I don’t understand. This temporal displacement detector is brand new!”

Jack says, “What’s a temporal displacement detector?”

Mulder and Chloe simultaneously say, “It detects time travel.”

Mulder looks surprised. “How did you know that?”

Chloe rolls her eyes, “Isn’t it obvious? It has a multivariate temporal adapter on each side. What else could it be?”

6:15 am – A homeless man comes up to Scully to ask for some change, which she gives to him. She looks at Chloe while she’s doing this and says, “Oh no, there are two of you, Mulder…”

Mulder says, “But I don’t understand what could cause these readings. This should be accurate.”

Chloe says, “So, who said it wasn’t? You just asked him what he was just doing, not what he’s been doing for the last twelve hours.”

Scully looks surprised.

Chloe continues, “We’ve been…”

Jack interrupts, “Wait a minute, Chloe. We don’t know who these people are.”

6:18 am – Scully produces a badge, “I’m Special Agent Dana Scully. This is Special Agent Mulder. We’re with the FBI.”

Jack says, “FBI? We’re with CTU! We’ve been looking for another federal agency to talk to! We need to get in touch with CTU as soon as possible?”

Mulder says, “CTU? What’s CTU? “Chasing The Unidentified? Chimpanzees That Undulate? Cow Thong Underwear?’”

Jack says, “Ha, Ha… Real funny. It’s ‘Counter Terrorism Unit’. We’re based out of Los Angeles. You know, the people that stopped more of the nuclear weapons from going off in California a couple of days ago?”

Scully asks, “What do you mean ‘more of the nuclear weapons’? What nuclear weapons?”

Mulder says, “They’re not in our timeline. The bombs that went off didn’t happen here! At least not yet… What year is it where you came from?”

Chloe says, “2007.”

Scully says, “You expect us to believe that? Some little gizmo that he…”, she gestures at Mulder, “…gets from the back of a comic book goes off, and you’re telling us you’re from the future?”

Mulder says, “The readings are accurate. You can’t fake these.” Scully rolls her eyes. “These obviously aren’t the people controlling the temporal field. They probably got caught up in its wake somehow.” He fiddles with the device.

Scully says, “Mulder, let’s leave these nice people here. Sorry to have bothered you folks…”

6:22 am -Mulder turns to Scully, pulls out his gun, and shoots three times. The homeless man that was panhandling a few minutes ago had just started transforming into a very large and ugly monster. Scully doesn’t seem the least bit fazed by this.

Jack points at the dead homeless monster, opening and closing his mouth… he can’t say anything.

Bill says, “WHAT WAS THAT?”

Scully replies, “That? Typical morphing homeless monster… It’s completely explainable.”

Mulder says, “Scully, We can’t just leave them here. We have to help them.” He turns to the group. “You’re coming with us!”

Commercial

6:27 am – The car arrives at the entrance to a hotel. There is a small sign in front which says, “Annual Meeting of: A.N.T.I. S.K.E.P.T.I.C. – A National Team Investigating Secret Knowledge, Enduring Pathetic Theories, Incognito”. Mulder runs inside, and the rest follow.

A short, scruffy-looking man sits just inside the entrance to a hotel ballroom, which is filled with chairs and a podium. He looks dejected until he sees Mulder running up to him. He brightens up.

The man says, “Mulder! We didn’t think you were going to make it!”

Mulder says, “Frohike, I need to talk to you and Byers and Langly.”

The rest of the group arrives.

Frohike says, “Hey! You brought people with! A group came in here a while ago and registered, and now you. There might be hope for this conference yet.” He eyes Chloe and Scully and says, “Well! Hellooooo, Ladies!”

Scully says, “Stop it, Frohike.” She looks around. “It doesn’t look like you’re having much of a conference.”

Frohike says, “It’s more than last year. The trouble with an anti-skeptic conference is that when you tell people about it, they don’t really believe you.”

6:28 am – Mulder enters the nearly empty ballroom, and walks towards the stage. A tall man with long blonde hair works up on the stage setting up for a presentation.

Mulder says, “Langly! Where’s Byers?” Frohike comes into the ballroom, followed by everyone else.

Langly says, “Huh? What? Oh, hey, Mulder. He went upstairs. He had to grab his laptop. He’s doing a presentation as soon as I get this set up.”

Frohike mumbles, “More PowerPoint poisoning for the masses.”

6:29 am – Mulder says, “This can’t wait. Remember those temporal disturbances you called me about? Well, I have some living proof of it right here.” He motions in back of him.

Langly says, “Empty chairs?”

Mulder looks around, “No! I mean those people back there.” He points at Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris.

6:30 am – Langly climbs off the stage. Mulder says, “I took a reading with the HQN-5000 earlier. It was off the chart! I thought it was wrong at first, since you said you got the readings here, but I think their story checked out.”

Scully says, “Checked out? You’re kidding, right? These people said they’ve been traveling back and forth through time and space, and you believe them?”

Frohike looks at his watch, “Byers should be back by now. I’m going to check on him.” He leaves.

Langly yells after him, “I’m not manning the door this year!” He turns to everyone and says, “I’m not manning the door this year.”

Jack says, “I’m sure this is all very interesting for all of you to argue about, but we’re chasing after some terrorists, and we need your help.”

6:32 am – Chloe steps up behind Jack and whispers something. Jack turns around and says, “Now?”

Chloe says, “It’s been HOURS. We’ll be right back.”

She says something to Scully, Morris and Bill and they all leave and head to the bathrooms.

Commercial

6:37 am – Jack says, “We’re wasting time!”

Two gunshots ring out from somewhere outside of the ballroom. Jack runs out of the ballroom, and two more shots ring out. Chloe runs out of the lady’s room, straight into Jack’s arms. She’s crying. “Jack! It was horrible!” Bill and Morris run out of the men’s room.

Jack yells, “Morris! Come here and take care of Chloe! She’s hysterical!”

Morris says, “Well, she’s pretty funny, but I’m not sure I’d call her hysterical…”

Jack runs to the lady’s room, just as Scully walks out of it.

Jack says, “What were those gunshots?”

Scully says, “They were noises that emanated from a firearm when it expelled a projectile. But that’s not important. I took care of the problem.”

Jack says, “What problem?”

Chloe sobs, “That THING tried to attack me!”

Jack says, “Thing? What ‘thing’?”

Scully says, “It was just a gray ooze that slid down the wall, and tried to become bipedal. I took care of it.”

Bill says, “… and you don’t find this the slightest bit strange?”

Scully says, “Uh… no… I mean it was just a gray ooze! This sort of thing happens all the time! Completely explainable.”

6:42 am – More gunshots go off, this time from the lobby.

Jack runs to the lobby, meeting Mulder on the way. They see Byers and Frohike chasing someone who has just left the hotel. Byers stops and yells, “They stole the presentation!” as Frohike runs through the revolving front door. Jack stands still, not understanding why the loss of one PowerPoint presentation is a big deal. Chloe, Bill, Scully and Morris run into the lobby. Chloe has regained her composure.

Byers gets impatient. “I think it was as one of those terrorists that Frohike says you’re after! They stole schematics for a temporal displacement device!” Byers runs out of the hotel, and Mulder follows. Jack still doesn’t understand. Chloe slaps Jack in the back of the head, “We could use that to get back home!”

Jack finally understands, and says “You guys wait here, I’m going after them.” He runs to the door.

Langley says, “…and I’m stuck manning the door!”

6:44 am – Jack runs out of the hotel and looks left and right. He sees Mulder and Byers heading down a flight of stairs to a subway platform.

Jack runs after them. He runs down the stairs, pushing people out of the way as he goes. He makes it to the bottom of the stairs and turns the corner just in time to get shot at. He dives behind a garbage can, and watches as the subway car’s doors slide shut. Frohike takes another shot, but misses badly. Jack runs to the doors and bangs on them. The man dressed in black holding Byer’s laptop waves at Jack as it leaves the station.

6:45 am – Jack yells in frustration. “I can’t believe that just happened! We almost had him! This whole situation is so… so….”

Frohike says, “Cliché?”

Mulder says, “I’ve already phoned Transit Authority. They’re going to stop that car at the next station. We’ll meet it there.”

Jack says, “Well, then what are we waiting for?” They move through the crowd, which doesn’t seem to be the least bit concerned about what just happened. Frohike and Byers run up the stairs pushing the crowd out of the way as they run. Jack and Mulder follow.

6:46 am – As Jack and Mulder make their way up the stairs, Mulder bumps into someone. The man continues on his way down the stairs. Mulder reaches into his pocket and says, “Hey you!” The man he bumped into turns, and Mulder tosses the man a clove of garlic. The man recoils at the garlic and vaporizes into a puff of smoke.

Commercial

6:51 am – Jack and Mulder enter the lobby. Langly talks to Chloe while the others listen.

Chloe says, “I think we have something Jack.”

Frohike says, “That’s just what I was thinking, baby…”

Chloe slaps him in the back of the head. “That’s not what I was talking about! Langley, tell Jack what you just told me.”

Frohike rubs the back of his head. “Feisty!”

6:53 am – Langley says, “… Anyway, I was just telling Chloe here that I think I might know what’s happening.”

He pauses. Jack says, “AND….?”

Langley says, “Chloe described what’s been happening for the last twelve hours. I think what’s happened is that you’ve entered some kind of temporal vortex. The people you were chasing after set this up so they can travel through time looking for things. They probably weren’t counting on you being with them on this little trip of theirs.”

Mulder says, “So they must be thrown off course! That makes a lot of sense!”

Scully says, “EVERYTHING makes sense to you…”

Chloe says, “Homeless monsters? Gray ooze in the bathroom? That makes sense?”

Scully says, “Sure it does! It’s completely explainable by science.”

Chloe mutters, “Yeah, science FICTION.”

Jack says, “Stop it! We have to hurry and follow them to the next station. I’ll meet you out front, I have to take care of something.”

They all leave to go to the front of the hotel, and Jack heads to the men’s room.

6:56 am -Just as Jack is about to walk into the men’s room, a voice says, “Mr. Bauer!”

Just off the lobby, Jack sees a man smoking a cigarette in the back of a bar. He beckons to Jack to join him, and says, “I’ve been waiting for you!”

Jack walks into the bar. Jack tries to make out the man’s features, but can’t because of the lighting. Jack asks, “How do you know my name?”

The smoking man says, “We’ve been watching you, Mr. Bauer.” Jack rushes forward, only to be stopped by two large men who step out of the shadows. They open their jackets. One man shows off the holstered guns he’s carrying. The other man shows a menacing submarine sandwich, realizes his mistake and then shows off the gun he’s carrying under the other side of his jacket.

Jack asks, “What do you want?”

The smoking man takes a long drag on his cigarette, “Want? I want to help you, Mr. Bauer. It’s important to my organization.”

Jack says, “Why is it important to you? Who are you?”

The smoking man laughs, “I thought that would be obvious why it would be important, Mr. Bauer. They’re going to try and kill you.”

Jack says, “They? Who’s ‘they’?”

6:58 am – There’s a flash of light, and Jack is gone.

The smoking man slams his fist on the table, “I have to quit being so melodramatic.” He pulls out a cell phone and speaks into it. “Temporal displacement occurred on schedule.”

6:59 am – Jack, Morris, Chloe and Bill are standing beside a highway in the desert.

7:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 10

The following takes place between 4 am and 5 am

4:00 am – Everyone looks around. Morris says, “You know, every other time this happened, we were somewhere completely different. This looks the same, except the armored car is gone.”

Chloe points out, “So is the guy who was in that car.”

Bill interjects, “and that pig that just went by with wires in its mouth.”

Jack says, “His name was Arnold.”

Chloe says, “Well, where is Arnold now? Did he drive off with that pig?”

Jack tells her, “Arnold IS the pig. The guy’s name was ‘Eb’”.

Morris asks, “His name was ‘Eb’? What kind of name is that?”

Chloe says, “Oh, so says ‘Morris’! What kind of name is ‘Morris’? You sound like you could be in a cat food commercial!”

Morris says, “Yeah, and I’m sure there were just a million little girls named ‘Chloe’ when you were a child in school…”

Jack interrupts, “STOP IT! Both of you! We can’t just stand here.” He points down the road. “They were headed in that direction. Let’s go that way.”

4:03 am – Back at CTU, Fenster’s telephone rings. He answers it, and it’s Nadia. She asks, “Where’s that report? I asked for it hours ago!”

Fenster says, “We’re getting that information now. We’ve tracked down where they were about ten hours ago. The data will be up on the screen in a minute, and I’ll get it printed out and on your desk in a few minutes.”

Nadia says, “You know, this one better have a cover sheet. Did you get that memo?”

4:04 am – Jack, Bill, Chloe and Morris head down the dirt road. The cornfields on either side of them have given way to trees. They continue along the road while they talk.

Chloe tells Jack, “When we were in the back of that armored car, I overheard one of them talking about ‘obtaining item’. There was a box of stuff in the back with us.”

Jack asks, “What kind of ‘stuff’?”

Chloe says, “It looked completely useless to me. There were some coconut halves, a baseball, and a glass dome with an old-fashioned stock ticker. It didn’t look like anything valuable, that’s for sure.”

Morris says, “I just had a terrible thought. What…. What if we’re chasing after garage sale addicts?”

Bill rolls his eyes, “Garage sale addicts don’t break into people’s homes to steal documents out of a safe. Garage sale addicts don’t shoot at you. Garage sale addicts don’t wire cars with explosives.”

Morris says, “You just don’t go to the kind of garage sales that I do….”

4:06 am – Jack asks Chloe, “Did they say anything else?”

Chloe says, “They seemed pretty shaken up about what happened in Miami. The guy in charge was upset that they couldn’t get the item they were looking for. That was the guy you thought was ‘Darth Vader’. I still can’t believe you thought it was ‘Darth Vader’”. She shakes her head.

They continue to walk in silence until Bill points at something in the distance. “Hey! There are some people over there!”

They look over. A man and young boy are fishing at the side of a lake some distance away from the road. The young boy throws a rock into the water.

Jack says, “Let’s just keep going.”

4:09 am – Fenster comes into Nadia’s office at CTU and puts a pile of papers on her desk. He says, “Intelligence indicates that a movie theater exploded in the last known vicinity of Jack. We have reason to believe he was having dinner with Chloe, Morris and Bill.”

Nadia looks at him, exasperated. “’Intelligence indicates’? ‘We have reason to believe…’? Quit the mumbo-jumbo, and tell me where you found this out.”

Fenster looks down at his shoes. “…..Internet news sites….”

Nadia slams her fist on the table. Then she lifts it up, shakes it a few times and says, “Ow!” She remembers that Fenster is standing there in front of her. She points at him, “Now look! You’ve had hours to find out what’s happened to Jack. Now all we know is that Chloe, Morris and Bill were with him. I want you to go back out there and find out what happened….without resorting to news stories on the Internet! You know what kind of people are out there! The next thing you’ll be telling me is that you’re looking for information on blogs!”

Fenster says, “Well, as a matter of…”

Nadia yells, “OUT!”

4:12 am -A van with a group of people dressed in black pulls away from a country gas station. One of them still has a black mask on, and is giving orders to head into town. The disguised voice sounds electronic, “I don’t want any screw ups! We’ve got to handle this just the right way!”

Commercial

4:17 am – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill continue to walk down the dirt road. Morris asks, “Why would they be taking things like that? It’s not like the things they’re taking are valuable. It’s not like they would know where they would be….”

Bill says, “Unless…”

Jack says, “Unless… what? What’s with the dramatic pauses?”

Bill says, “Well, they’re dramatic! I’ve hardly said a thing for the last nine hours, and now that I finally have something to say, I wanted to be dramatic!”

Chloe mutters, “This better be good…”

Bill continues, “What if those items really are valuable. What if the people we are chasing know exactly what they’re looking for, and where they’ll be able to find it?”

Morris looks unconvinced, “Oh, come on! How is a baseball valuable? An antique stock ticker? They stole coconuts for crying out loud! That’s completely unbelievable!”

Chloe says, “Oh, and hopping around from place to place, is believable? We hop from Miami to the middle of ….wherever this is, and that’s believable?”

Morris thinks about this for a moment. “Well, you do have a point about that.”

Jack says, “I’m not sure if Bill’s right or not, but it’s the only thing we really have to go on right now. Let’s keep going.”

4:21 am – The van pulls up outside of a barber shop, which is right next to a court house. Outside of the barber shop, a woman is talking to a deputy. Two men get out of the van and go into the barbershop as a customer is leaving.

The man says, “Oh, hi Barney! Thelma Lou! Did you hear? There are some real rock and roll musicians staying at the boarding house! They’re from England!”

Thelma Lou says, “Hello, Howard! That’s very interesting! Have you talked to them?”

Howard says, “Oh no, I haven’t.” He lowers his voice, “I think they’re HIPPIES! They have long hair and everything!”

Barney says, “Maybe I should go over and…”

Thelma Lou says, “Now, Barney! They’re not hurting anyone. Just leave them alone.” She turns to Howard, “I was just telling Barney how delighted the children are that Barney is helping out with the school play!”

Barney sniffs, hikes up his belt, and says “Well, you know, Thelma Lou, I was going to be an actor before I dedicated my life to law enforcement. There was a lot of interest in me, let me tell you!”

Thelma Lou says, “Really? Barney, I had no idea!”

Barney replies, “Yes, indeed! I was this close to being in the ads in the back of those comic books.”

Howard says, “I remember that! It was for those Charles Atlas ads where the bully on the beach kicks sand in the face of that little guy.”

4:24 am – Barney gets agitated, “Now, now…never you mind about that! Thelma Lou, when do I pick up my costume?”

Thelma Lou says, “They’re just about finished with it. They were just deciding on a color.”

Barney looks surprised, “A color? Dinosaurs are green! Everyone knows that! How am I going to look if I’m not green?”

Thelma Lou says, “Now, Barney, they ran out of green painting the rest of the set. They’re going to paint your costume purple.”

Now Barney is REALLY agitated. “Purple? PURPLE? Who ever heard of such a thing?”

Howard says, “You never know, Barney. I think it’ll be quite popular with the children.”

Commercial

4:29 am – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill finally reach a service station. Jack asks, “We’re trying to get to the nearest town so we can rent a car.”

The man looks confused about this, “Rent a car? I don’t know about that, but the town is just up the road a piece. Just keep going, you can’t miss it.”

Chloe holds up a bottle. “This soft drink costs fifteen cents!”

The man looks ashamed, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. We had to raise our prices, on account of the prices went up in Mount Pilot. That’s where we get ‘em from.”

Jack says, “Never mind that, Chloe. We have to get to town to see if we can track those guys down.”

The man asks, “What guys are you talking about?”

Jack replies, “We’re from the federal government. The men we’re after are wanted criminals. They are dressed in black….”

The man says, “Shazam! Them fellers just drove out of here a little while ago! They asked directions to town too!”

Jack says, “That’s them! Now this is really important! We need to get to town as quickly as possible! Do you have truck we can borrow?”

4:34 am – Inside of the barber shop, the two men are talking to the barber. One man is tall, and the other is short and bald.

The tall man says, “So, do you a lot of business? Maybe you should …. Buy some ‘advertising’ from us…”

Floyd says, “Wha? Ooo! Hmm! Never had to do advertising before. Been mostly word of mouth.”

The bald man says, “Yeah, we’d be pretty happy to make sure that nothing happened to this place. You can’t let word get around that someone bad happened…”

Floyd says, “Advertising that would…. Hmmm? What? What did you just say?”

“I said, you better make sure that nothing happens to this place, you know…. Like THIS!”

Both men pull cans out of their bags and start throwing paint all over Floyd’s barbershop…and on Floyd!

The tall man steps forward in a very threatening way, “Listen old man, you’re going to have to start to pay us right now!”

4:38 am – Barney happens to look into the window while this is happening, and rushes into the barber shop.

Commercial

4:44 am – The gas station attendant drives a pickup truck into town, and stops in front of the court house. Jack and Chloe get out of the front of the truck, and Bill and Morris get out of the back of the truck. The English musicians from the boarding house are walking along, looking at the stores, unaware that anything has happened.

The attendant says, “We should stop here and get Sheriff Taylor!” A police car drives up right behind the pickup truck and stops. The attendant points, and says, “There he is now!”

Sheriff Taylor and a young boy get out of the car. Sheriff Taylor says, “Gomer! What’s the matter? Who are all these people?”

Gomer says, “Andy! These people said they’re with the federal government. They’re after dangerous criminals!”

Andy looks alarmed and turns to the little boy. “Opie, I want you to go home to Aunt Bea. I have to take care of something. Run along, now.”

Opie replies, “Yes, Pa.” He turns to Jack, “Good luck finding those criminals!” Opie leaves.

Jack says, “Sheriff Taylor, I’m Jack Bauer with CTU Los Angeles, we’re on the trail of….”

4:49 am – Barney walks out of the courthouse, and looks entirely smug with himself. “Now, now! I’ve got the situation completely under control.”

Andy says, “Now wait a minute! What situation? What’s this all about?”

Barney says, “Well, you see Andy, I was out in front of Floyd’s Barber Shop talking to Thelma Lou when these two guys drive up in that delivery van over there….”

Andy looks in the direction Barney is pointing. “What delivery van?”

Barney looks over, sees the delivery van isn’t there anymore, and does a double-take. His voice goes at least an octave higher when he says, “But it was just right there!”

4:51 am – Barney runs down to Floyd’s shop, and everyone follows. He yells, “Floyd!” Floyd comes out of the shop. “Floyd! What happened? Where’s that delivery truck?”

Floyd comes out of the barbershop. He’s completely covered with pink paint. The musicians walk right up to Floyd just has he comes out of his barbershop. Floyd is completely covered in pink paint. One of them says, “You know, that would be a good name for a rock band!” They cross the street.

Barney says, “Floyd! Where’s that delivery truck?”

Floyd says, “Hmm? Wha…. Delivery truck? What del… Hmmm? I don’t know. It was here a minute ago.”

Barney looks concerned, “Andy, you have to believe me. Their van was right here!”

Andy says, “Calm down, calm down. Whose van are you talking about?”

Barney says, “Those two men I arrested! They were trying to force Floyd to pay them money! They threw paint all over the barbershop!” He leans close to Andy, “They thought they’d come into a small town and push people around! Little did they know they’d have Barney Fife to deal with!”

Andy says, “Now, Barn…. Calm down.”

Jack asks, “Where are these men?”

Barney says, “What? Oh! I have them locked up! Come on! He runs back into the courthouse.”

4:54 am – Everyone follows. Inside the courthouse, Barney triumphantly points at the two men in the jail cell. “YOU SEE?”

A man in an adjacent cell says, “Hey, Andy….”

Andy says, “Hey, Otis.” Andy turns back to Barney, “Now I want you to explain what happened. Exactly what happened?”

Otis tries to interrupt again, “Andy….”

Andy says, “Otis, not now… we’re trying to….”

There’s loud explosion. The back of the wall to Otis’ jail cell caves in, and Otis is knocked to the floor. Several men dressed in black with masks over their heads look into the cell as the smoke is clearing. One of them slaps another in the back of the head and says, “You got the wrong one!”

Barney hastily pulls out his gun. Jack yells, “Get those guys! Here I need this!” Jack takes the gun out of Barney’s hand and says, “Follow me!” Everyone heads out of the courthouse and start to run around to the back. There’s another explosion. The group reaches the back of the courthouse, and sees that another large hole has been made, this time in the back of the other jail cell. There’s no one inside of it.

4:57 am – They all stand there dumbfounded for a moment until Andy says, “Otis!” He runs into the other jail cell and turns Otis over. Otis starts to wake up. Everyone else comes in to see if Otis is OK. Andy asks, “Otis! Are you alright?”

Otis blinks awake. “Andy! What happened?”

Andy says, “You just rest here.”

Otis says, “I remember! I was trying to tell you! One of those two guys grabbed something off of your desk when Barney brought them in!”

Chloe says, “They got something else!”

Barney says, “You mean they staged all that, just to get into the courthouse??”

4:58 am – There’s loud squeal of tires somewhere outside. Jack says, “The terrorists!”

Jack runs down the alley, and sees the delivery van doing a U-turn, heading back in his direction. He points the gun right at the driver as the car comes driving right at him! Jack pulls the trigger! CLICK! Nothing happens! CLICK! CLICK! Nothing happens two more times! Jack dives out of the way just in time.

4:59 am – There’s a bright flash.

Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing on a beach. There’s no sign of Jack.

5:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 9

The following takes place between 3 am and 4 am

3:00 am – The armored car drives down the road at high speed with Jack barely hanging onto the roof. As it slides around a corner, the driver slams on the brakes to avoid hitting a country store. Jack is unable to hold on to the roof any longer. He falls off the roof, rolls through the front doors of the store, and slams against the counter inside. The shopkeeper, who has been on the phone while this happened, tells the person he’s speaking with, “Hold on… It just happened again. I’ll call you back later.” A man with white hair who has been looking at items in the store rushes over to Jack. The shop keeper hangs up the phone and goes around the counter to examine Jack too.

3:02 am – As they do this, another man walks into the store. He is wearing a brown coat and a tan hat. The man looks down at Jack and says, “I didn’t know Sam was setting up a hotel! Don’t you think the Shady Rest will be a little upset by you asking people for money to sleep here?”

The white-haired man tells him, “Mr. Kimball, Sam isn’t asking people for money. This man just came through the door!”

Mr. Kimball replies, “Hi, Mr. Douglas. Sam isn’t asking for money? That’s a good idea. That’ll probably put your competition out of business in no time.”

Mr. Douglas says, “He’s not trying to put anyone out of business. We’re just trying to help this man.”

Jack starts to stir, and says, “Oh, my aching head!”

Mr. Douglas says, “Sam, help me get him up in that rocking chair.”

Mr. Kimball says, “If you’re not trying to put anyone out of business, not charging money for people to stay here is a funny way of doing it.”

3:04 am –Mr. Douglas asks Jack if he’s all right. Jack tells him that he thinks he’s OK, but he could really use a telephone. Jack passes out again.

Mr. Douglas says, “Maybe we better not move him.”

Mr. Kimball tells Sam, “He sure does sleep a lot. Guess that’s probably because check-out time isn’t until 2 pm.”

Commercial

3:09 am – Jack starts to wake up again. Mr. Douglas and Mr. Kimball help him to a rocking chair. Mr. Douglas asks Jack, “Are you O.K.? What’s your name? How about a drink of water?” Jack refuses the water, tells him his name is ‘Jack’ and says that he’ll be fine. Mr. Douglas goes over to Sam to talk to him.

Mr. Kimball comes over to Jack and says, “I know that sleeping here for free is a pretty good deal, but the Shady rest has some pretty cheap rates, real beds and everything! They’re just up the road!”

Jack says, “What are you talking about…?”

Over at the counter, Mr. Douglas asks Sam if he can use his telephone. “The telephone at our house isn’t working. I went up the telephone pole today to use it, and a bird built a nest in it!”

Sam says, “You’re gonna have to watch that. A bird’s nest like that will ruin it.”

Mr. Douglas says, “I was planning on moving the….”

Sam continues, “Yep, especially right before migration season. They’ll run up long distance bills making those reservations.”

Jack looks dumbfounded, “Birds making reservations?”

Sam says, “Oh sure, you don’t think they’d fly down south without reservations do you?”

3:12 am – Mr. Douglas looks at Jack and shrugs. He turns to Sam and says, “I need to use your telephone. I have to call over to Pixley to rent a post-hole digger.”

Mr. Kimball says, “I have a posthole digger.”

Mr. Douglas seems surprised, but pleased. “Well, can I borrow it?

Mr. Kimball replies, “You can’t.”

Mr. Douglas, “You mean I can’t borrow it? Did someone else borrow it? Where is it?”

Mr. Kimball replies, “I took it to college.”

Mr. Douglas says, “You took your posthole digger to….”

Mr. Kimball tells him, “Well sure! It was my nephew Tommy. I don’t think he’s majoring in posthole digging through. Never could get those postholes right. Always came out triangular…”

3:15 am – Jack says, “I hate to interrupt, but I need to find some Chinese …”

Sam interrupts, “That’d be in Pixley too. They have a great restaurant there.”

Mr. Douglas can’t stand this anymore, “Oh, for heaven’s sake… Can I just use the phone?”

Sam replies, “Oh, no. That was Mabel, on the line. She said that they’re fixing something on the telephone lines for the next couple of hours. She said it had to do with some birds making some reservations down south.”

Mr. Douglas throws up his hands. “Woo, boy! That’s it. Come on Jack, let’s get you out of here. You can come back to my house until you feel better.”

Commercial

3:20 am – Mr. Douglas drives Jack to a farm, with a large barn and a small wooden house. Mr. Douglas has been talking the whole way home, describing what life is like in the area. As they arrive, Mr. Douglas sees a man talking to a woman in front of his home. He rushes out of the car. “Stop! Lisa, don’t buy whatever he’s selling!”

Lisa speaks with an accent, “Oliver! Mr. Haney has something I think you ought to see!”

Jack gets out of the car and eyes the contraption that Mr. Haney is standing next to. It’s covered with a tarp. Jack asks,“What is it?”

Lisa asks, “Oliver, aren’t you going to introduce your friend?”

Oliver says, “Oh, excuse me. Lisa, this is Jack. He had a bit of a tumble at Sam Drucker’s.”

Lisa asks Jack, “Oh, you’re an acrodat?”

Oliver corrects her. “I think you mean, ‘acrobat’.”

Lisa asks, “That’s what I said: acrodat.”

Jack says, “No, ma’am. I’m a federal agent…”

Oliver says, “Jack will be staying with us until we can get his bearings. I didn’t want to have him wait down at Drucker’s”.

Mr. Haney looks a little nervous at hearing Jack say he’s a federal agent. He asks, “You ain’t with the Internal Revenue Service, are you?”

Jack looks amused by this, “No, sir.”

Mr. Haney looks greatly relieved. He says in a low voice, “You know, if you need bearings, I can get you some of those…”

3:23 am – Oliver asks, “What is this contraption anyway?”

Mr. Haney sees that he’s got Mr. Douglas’ attention and says, “It’s a gen-u-ine posthole digger!”

Oliver looks suspicious. “How did you know I needed a posthole digger?”

Mr. Haney says, “You do?? What a happy coincidence!”

Oliver says, “Well, let’s take a look at it…”

Mr. Haney pulls off the tarp and tells everyone, “Here it is!” The device has curling pipes, glass tubes, and steam coming out of a large tank.

Oliver looks at it. “That’s supposed to be a posthole digger? It looks like a moonshine still!”

Mr. Haney looks affronted. “Why, it’s the finest posthole digger in the country! It was used by George Washington at the Battle of Little Big Horn!”

Jack looks a little more aware of his surroundings now and speaks up, “George Washington was never….”

Mr. Haney continues, “It was used to dig postholes to make a fence that kept out the invading Mongolian Hordes…”

Olive says, “Mongolian Hordes? Oh, come on now….”

Lisa says, “I think we should buy it! If it was a good enough post whatchamacallit for George Washington, it should be good enough for us!”

3:26 am – A lanky young man comes running out of the house. “Mrs. Douglas! Mrs. Douglas!”

Lisa says, “What is it, Eb?”

Eb looks startled when he sees the contraption which Mr. Haney is trying to sell. “Hey! My uncle had one of those in his backyard! He used to try and make moonshine with it!”

Oliver looks very self-satisfied, “Ha! You see? I told….”

Eb continues, “We all thought it was crazy for trying to make moonshine using a posthole digger.”

Oliver does a double take, “There….Wait….what…?”

3:27 am – Lisa asks, “Why did you come out here in such a hurry, Eb?”

Eb looks at her blankly for a moment, and then realizes what he came outside for. “Those acrodats you invited inside the house for breakfast don’t look like they’re feeling too good.”

Oliver asks, “Acrobats!” He turns to Lisa, “You invited acrobats into our house for breakfast?”

Lisa replies, “Well, you see, they came to the house looking for a tire. They all looked so hungry that I decided to serve them some of the hot cakes I was making.”

Oliver says, “Oh, Lisa… You didn’t serve anyone those hot cakes did you? The last ones you served me this morning were like rubber!”

Lisa looks offended, “Well, that’s not what his friends said!” She points at Jack. “They said they were perfect!”

Jack looks surprised, “My friends? You saw my friends??”

Eb says, “Sure! They’re acrodats just like you!”

Oliver corrects, “Acrobats!”

Jack says, “I’m not an acrobat! I don’t have any friends that are acrobats!”

Eb says, “Well, I thought for sure that acrodats like you would stick together.” He looks closely at Jack, “Come to think of it, you don’t look very Chinese. Just what kind of acrodat are you?”

Jack says, “I’m not an acrodat…er, acrobat! ….Wait, did you say, ‘Chinese’?”

Eb says, “Sure! They’re in the kitchen!”

3:29 am – Jack runs into the house, through the living room and into the kitchen. There’s no one there. Everyone else comes running into the kitchen after him.

Eb exclaims, “They’re gone!”

Lisa says, “And they finished my hot cakes!”

Jack goes out the back door of the kitchen, but doesn’t see anyone. He returns, “They’re gone. Which way did they head?”

Eb points, “They said their truck broke down just up the road!”

3:32 am – Jack asks Oliver, “Can we borrow your car? I’ve been chasing after those people, looking for my friends.”

Lisa says, “The acrodats?”

Jack says, “No!” He turns to Oliver, “Can I have the keys to your car. This is very important!” He sways, as if still a little dizzy.

Oliver says, “With that spill you took when you rolled into Drucker’s, I think Eb better drive.” He tosses the keys to Eb.

Lisa says, “Spill? Roll? I though you said you weren’t an acrodat!”

Jack and Oliver say, “ACROBAT!”

Eb and Jack run to the Douglas’ car, and they start driving up the road.

Commercial

3:38 am – There are cornfields on either side of the car. Eb turns left down a country road and heads for a farm. Jack asks, “Is this the way to the car?”

Eb says, “Oh, no, it’s not. I just have to pick someone up that I promised I’d take into Pixley later. They said their car is further on down the road.”

Jack protests, “We’re going after the men that were at the Douglas house! We have to find my friends! Maybe you should let me drive.”

Eb tells Jack, “This won’t take but a minute.”

3:40 am – The car stops, and Eb puts his fingers in his mouth to whistle. He opens the car door, and out from the barn trots a small pig. The pig gets into the backseat and Eb closes the door. They start back out toward the main road.

Jack looks at the pig, “Uh, Eb…. There’s a pig in the backseat.”

Eb says, “What? Oh, that’s Arnold.”

Jack asks, “We stopped for a pig?”

Eb replies, “I told you, we’re going to Pixley later.”

Arnold grunts.

Eb translates, “Arnold says you look like you’re a good acrodat.”

They turn back out onto the main road. Jack says, “Look, these guys are dangerous. They have my friends in the back of the armored car.”

Arnold grunts and squeals.

Eb says, “Yeah, you’re right Arnold!”

Jack asks, “What did he say?”

Eb says, “He says that for someone that’s in a hurry to save your friends, you’re sure taking your time!”

3:44 am – They drive up within two hundred yards of the car, and Jack tells Eb to pull over. Arnold jumps out and disappears into the cornfield.

Jack pulls out some binoculars from his Jack Pack. He looks at the armored car, but doesn’t see any movement. He notices something strange about the tires, but can’t make out what it is.

3:46 am – He tells Eb, “Wait here, I’m going to need to get closer.”

Jack gets out of the car and goes a row or two into the cornfield before heading towards where the armored car is parked.

Commercial

3:52 am – After quite while, Jack makes it through the thick stalks of corn and comes out next to the armored car. The hood is up and there’s a pounding noise coming from the back of the armored car. Jack can see that one of the back tires looks like it has Lisa’s hot cakes on the outside of it. He looks into the passenger’s side of the car, but doesn’t see anyone. He moves to the back of the doors, and quickly opens them. Bill, Morris and Chloe nearly fall out of the back. They have gags in their mouths, and their hands tied behind their back. Chloe tries to tell Jack something, but it sounds like “MOM! AIRS A MOM!” Jack gets the idea. They run about 50 yards, and all dive to the ground.

Nothing happens.

Arnold goes trotting by, and grunts at them as he passes. There are wires in his mouth. They watch him get back into the car with Eb.

3:55 am – They all get up, take another look at the armored car, and walk back to Eb and Arnold. Jack unties them as they head back. Chloe gives Jack a hug, and says, “We thought you were a goner when you fell out of that belfry!”

Jack says, “So did I! Someone in a knit mask with a mesh screen where the mouth was pushed me over the edge while I was off balance. I think it was Darth Vader!”

Chloe smacks him in the back of the head. “Darth Vader? Did you actually say ‘Darth Vader’? Darth Vader is a fictional character!”

Jack says, “But it looked….”

3:58 am – They get back to Eb and Arnold.

Eb says, “I see you found your friends!”

Arnold grunts.

Morris asks, “What’s with the pig?”

Eb says, “He says that he disabled the bomb.”

3:59 am – There’s a bright flash.

They’re standing on a road with cornfields on either side of them. Eb and Arnold are gone. So is the armored car. Everything else looks nearly the same.

Bill asks, “What just happened?”

4:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 8

The following takes place between 2 am and 3 am

2:00 am – Things are relatively quite at CTU, with a few of the night crew working on the computers. Nadia walks over to one of the analysts. “I’d like to see the report that Jack Bauer sent in at midnight.”

The analyst looks surprised. “I thought he sent that directly to your office? We didn’t get a report from him at midnight.”

Nadia is upset. “WHAT? Fenster, you know how important it is for us to keep track of our field agents, even if they’re not on assignment! When you didn’t get that report, you should have reported it to me?”

Fenster says, “You wanted me to report a report that hadn’t been reported? Report an unreported report??”

Nadia says, “That’s right! Now look, I don’t care if you’re Chloe’s cousin or not! We have standards around this place about security…”

Fenster says, “Yeah, those sewers were great security”, under his breath.

Nadia doesn’t hear this and continues, “…and one of them is to report missing field agents! I want a full report on why this didn’t happen, and I expect it in the next 15 minutes?”

Fenster thinks about this. “Let me get this straight, you want a report on why a report on an unreported report should been reported? An unreported report report report?”

Nadia says, “Yes! It’s simple!”

2:03 am – Jack is in lying down with a folded towel on his forehead and begins to wake up. He hears a woman’s voice say, “It’s O.K.” He looks over and sees the young blond woman who was speaking to him.. She says, “The doctor is here and she’ll take right good care of you!”

Jack says, “Where am…”

Another voice interrupts, and says, “Elly May, quiet down! I have some doctorin’ to do, and I can’t do it with that mouth of yours going! Now roll over, I have to check your gizzard!”

That snaps Jack out of his stupor and realizes he’s lying on lounge chair on a patio next to a swimming pool in the backyard of a very large mansion. He sees a short old woman with a large hypodermic needle in her hand. He jumps up and says, “Hey! Wait a minute! Get away from me with that thing! You don’t look like a doctor to me!”

2:04 am – The old woman says, “You hush now! I’m an M.D. – Mountain Doctor!”

A man comes out of the mansion. He’s wearing old, tattered clothes and a hat. “Well doggies! No one told me we had company!”

Elly May says, “He’s mine, Pa! He fell out of the sky and I found him in the see-ment pond fair and square! Granny was just fixin’ to check him over to be sure he was O.K.”

The man says, “Now, Elly, you can’t keep him! He’s a grown man!”

Granny interrupts, “Jed, you know Elly Mae has been getting on in years! She’s 19 years old and practically an old maid!”

2:06 am – Jack says, “Whoa, whoa, whoa….”

Elly Mae says, “See? He likes horses too!”

Jack says, “Wait a minute… nobody said anything about getting married. I’m just looking for my friends! Have you seen them?”

Jed, Elly and Granny all look at each other and shrug. Jed walks over to the edge of the swimming pool. “Nope. Nobody in here.”

Jack asks, “Where am I? What town is this?”

Granny says, “Why, you’re in Beverly Hills!” She turns to Jed, “See, Jed? The boy is hurt! Just let me look at his gizzard…”

Jack says, “Beverly Hills? Do you have a car? I need to get to downtown Los Angeles to CTU!”

2:08 am – Back at CTU, Fenster brings the unreported report report report to Nadia and drops it on her desk.. He says, “I can’t raise Bauer on the phone. I even tried calling Chloe and Morris. They must have their phones turned off, because the calls went straight to voice mail.”

Nadia looks up. “That could mean anything. I want you to keep trying to get in touch with Jack.”

Fenster leaves.

Commercial

2:13 am – Elly May, who is surprisingly strong for someone so small, helps Jack through the house. A door bell rings. Jed, Granny and Elly all look around. Jed says, “There are those bells again! We always hear those bells right before someone knocks on the front door.” Someone knocks on the front door. Jed says, “See there?”

A woman opens the door while knocking, and says, “Hello? Mr. Clampett? Mr. Clampett? I need to speak with you.”

Jed says, “Miss Jane! Did you hear the bells?”

Jane says, “Bells? What bells?” She sees Jack, and straightens herself up. “I’d like to ring your bell!”
Jack looks completely revolted.

Jed says, “Come on, Elly. We have to get him out to the truck.”

2:15 am – Just as Elly helps Jack through the front door, a junky-looking truck pulls up. It’s being driven by a tall muscular man. He gets out of the truck. He’s wearing jeans with a rope belt and a jacket. His clothes appear just slightly too small for him. Elly says, “Jethro, you take mighty good care of him! He fell into the see-ment pond, and I’m fixin’ to marry him!”

Jethro doesn’t look like he believes this. “You ain’t marryin’ nobody.”

This makes Elly May mad. “You take that back!”

Jethro says, “Make me!”

Elly May drops her hold on Jack, who staggers. She starts running after Jethro. They chase each other around the truck.

Jed comes out of the house. “Youngins…. Hey now! Stop it, you two!”

Elly May stops chasing after Jethro, and helps Jack get into the truck.

Jed says, “Now take this man where he needs to go.”

Elly May tells Jethro, “Ya’ll come back now, ya hear?”

2:18 am – Jethro drives to the gates of the estate, and pulls out onto the road. Jack tells Jethro he’ll give the directions to where he’s going when they get closer. Jethro tells Jack he plans on being a brain surgeon one day soon, and figures that he’s half-way there because he’s already graduated 6th grade.

Jack doesn’t have much to say about that. He decides to switch the subject. “How many horsepower does this truck have?”

Jethro laughs and says, “Elly must have hit you in the head good or somethin’… This here’s an AH-TOE-MOE-BEEL. It ain’t got no horses!”

Jack sighs, “I really miss Curtis.”

2:20 am – As they drive further down the road, Jack realizes that everyone’s honking at them, probably for driving so slowly and driving such a huge truck that is so hard to see around. Jethro seems perplexed about the whole situation, and says, “Why do they keep honkin’ like that? They ain’t got a rockin’ chair…”

Now it’s Jack’s turn to be confused. “What do you mean, ‘They ain’t got a rockin’ chair’?”

Jethro says, “I mean, ‘They ain’t got a rockin’ chair’! When we’re all riding in this truck, Granny sits up on the rocking chair up at the top there. She makes me honk the horn to warn her when we’re about to drive under a bridge. She likes to look around a lot, and after three or four times of not duckin’ for the bridge, she told me I best honk the horn to warn her.”

2:22 am – As they approach the destination, Jack gives directions on which streets to turn on. They finally arrive at CTU…. Only it’s not CTU. It’s an empty parking lot!

Commercial

2:27 am – Jack stands in the lot and turns around several times. Jethro mumbles, “I see why Elly May likes this guy so much. He’s turnin’ around like a dog fixin’ to sit down!”

Jack continues to look around in disbelief. “It’s gone! It’s all gone! There aren’t even any sewers here to break into!” Jack suddenly stops, realizing his mistake. He asks Jethro, “Quick, what year is this?”

Jethro screws up his face, and looks up, as he tries to figure this out. “Naught plus 8….then, 2 plus 5… I reckon’ it’s 1968”.

2:29 am – Jack smacks his forehead, “Of course! This happened before. CTU hasn’t even been established yet.”

Jethro asks, “What’s SEE… TEA… YOU?”

Jack says, “I’m a federal officer. I’m with the Counter Terrorism Unit or CTU for short.”

Jethro replies, “Yeah, you are a short feller.” He then realizes what Jack just said and gets excited, “Federal Officer? You mean like a spy?”

Jack says, “Well, not exactly like a spy… but kind of like one, I guess.”

Jethro gets really animated now, “Oh boy! OH BOY! Hot dog! If being a brain surgeon wasn’t going to work out, I was going to be a double-naught spy! I can be your assistant!”

Jack tells Jethro they have to head back to the Mansion to figure something else out. He asks for the keys to the truck, and Jethro says, “Oh boy! I get to see how a real double-naught spy drives!”

2:31 am – Fenster knocks on Nadia’s office door. “I still haven’t gotten in touch with Jack. I also tried calling Bill, but his phone is going straight to voicemail too.” I called Karen at the White House, and she’s not there.

Nadia says, “Of course she’s not there! It’s 5:30 am there right now. She doesn’t live at the White House! What do you think, they have bunk beds there for the whole staff?”

Nadia looks exasperated. “Look, the CTU cell phones all have GPS tracking on them. We need to find out their last known locations. Go do it!”

2:32 am – Jack pulls the truck up to the front door of the mansion and comes to a screeching halt. The truck engine sputters, having used the very last of the gas. Jethro has a horrified look on his face. Jack snaps his fingers in from of Jethro’s face to snap him out of it. Jethro says, “I ain’t never seen someone drive this truck like that before….”

2:33 am – They enter the house, and Jethro suggests that they find his uncle Jed so they can talk things over. They head to the kitchen, and find Granny talking to another woman. Jethro says, “I’ll be right back!”

The woman says, “I just thought you should know that I’ve finally convinced Milburn to move!”

Granny says, “Finally got sick of you, did he, Mrs. Drysdale?”

Mrs. Drysdale says, “No you buffoon! He finally understands what I’ve been saying all these years! You people are lowering the property values around here! Those awful pigs and chickens! And that moonshine still is nothing but a public nuisance!”

The doorbell rings, and Granny says, “There’s that bell again. Elly May, best go back to the front door. There’ll probably be someone there soon.”

Elly May says, “Yes, Granny”. She leaves.

Mrs. Drysdale continues, “Perhaps now we can move to a more upscale neighborhood and away from riff-raff like you!”

Granny is insulted, “Riff-Raff? Why I oughta…” She pulls up her sleeves.

Jed comes in from the backyard, sees what’s about to happen, and steps between the two woman. “Now, can’t see settle this peaceful-like?”

2:36 am – Elly May comes back into the kitchen with a man dressed in a suit. Miss Jane follows them. The man is sobbing and holding his hat in his hand. Jed says, “Mr. Drysdale! It’s alright! Granny ain’t hurt no one!”

Mr. Drysdale says, “Wwwwhat? What are you talking about? I just want to know… haven’t I always been good to you?”

Jed seems a little taken aback by this. “Well, yes… I’d say you’ve been right neighborly and helpful.”

Mr. Drysdale, “Then why would you take it away? Why?” He cries some more.

Jane says, “What the Chief is trying to say is: Why are you withdrawing money from the bank?”

Jed is surprised. “Why do you reckon we’d want to do that?”

Jane explains, “We got the money transfer order this morning. It was from the Bank of China.” Mr. Drysdale sobs even more loudly.

Jed says, “China? I didn’t do that! You reckon they need some money?”

Jack says, “China? Did you say China??”

2:39 am – Jethro comes back into the room. He’s dressed in a tuxedo. A tuxedo that’s just a little too small for him, just like his other clothes. He says, “I’m ready for some double-naught spyin’!”

Jack says, “Then come with me! I think they have what I’m looking for!” Jack and Jethro leave. Elly May whistles and says, “Wait for me!” She follows them.

Mr. Drysdale wipes his eyes, “You mean… You’re not taking my money… I mean, You’re not taking your money out of my bank?”

Jed says, “Well, no, Mr. Drysdale!”

Mr. Drysdale turns to Mrs. Drysdale and says, “Go back to the house and tell the moving company to stop. We’re staying right where we are!”

Mrs. Drysdale looks so furious she can’t even talk. She stomps out of the kitchen.

Granny says, “I knew it was too good to last.”

Commercial

2:46 am – Jethro, Elly May and Jack are out by the truck trying to get it started. Jack says, “It’s out of gas! Do you have any other cars?” Jethro says that this is their only car, but they might be able to borrow Mr. Drysdale’s car next door.

Elly May snaps her fingers, and says, “Wait here! I’m getting Granny!”

2:49 am – Elly May returns with Granny, and Granny is carrying a brown jug and a shot gun. Granny says, “This is mighty powerful stuff! You have to be really careful of it!”

Jack looks at the jug. “What is that? Moonshine?”

Granny looks hurt. “It’s just medicine for my rheumatism.” Then she laughs and winks at Jack. She pours the contents of the entire jug into the tank of the truck and tells everyone to get on the truck. She jumps on too. She climbs into the rocking chair at the top of the truck. She tells Jethro, “Let it rip, Jethro!”

2: 51 am – Jethro cranks over the engine. The truck starts and immediately starts rocketing forward. Jack tells Jethro, “Don’t press so hard on the gas pedal!”

Jethro says, “I’m not pressing the gas pedal!”

2:52 am – The truck goes rocketing through the streets of Beverly Hills. They go speeding by all the rest of the traffic, not even slowing down for traffic lights. They zoom right through them. Jethro can barely control the wheel, but manages to say, “I reckon this here is what driving one of them double-naught cars is like!” Jack is too busy holding on to the truck to answer.

2:53 am – Jethro manages to control the truck well enough to drive to the bank. In the distance, they see a bunch of men loading bags into an armored car. As they approach the truck, Jack sees them closing the door to leave and sees that Bill, Chloe and Morris are tied up in the back of the armored car! That’s all Jack can see because they go driving right past it, but Granny is able to get a shotgun blast as they drive past. It goes into the side of the armored car. The truck continues down the street. Jack grabs the wheel and pulls down on it to make it do a hard U-turn, sending the truck into on-coming traffic. A few cars crash.

2:55 am – The tires of the truck screech, and the truck starts heading back towards the armored car. Jack gets up out of his seat and starts heading towards the back of the truck and towards Granny’s rocking chair. Just as they the start to pass the armored car, Jack jumps off the truck and onto the roof of the armored car! He holds onto the roof as it starts heading for the expressway.

2:57 am – The truck Jethro is trying to control is slowing down, and it finally runs out of moonshine. The truck comes to a halt. Jethro says, “That’s some double-naught spying! I could do that!”

Granny seems unconvinced because she smacks him in the back of the head.

2:58 am – The armored car heads for the expressway, and there are police cars already chasing it. Jack tries to hold on, and is barely able to as they approach a tunnel. Police cars line up at the exit to the tunnel as the armored car heads into the tunnel.

There’s a bright flash.

2:59 am – The armored car is no longer driving through a tunnel. It’s on a dirt road.

3:00 am – Time’s up!