One of the other shows I watch is “24”. Over on Dave Barry’s Blog, a bunch of folks (and Dave!) make “Mystery Science Theater”-like comments about the show. A while ago, when Dave couldn’t watch the show one night, he asked for a summary of the show. Well, I started do that. People seemed to like it, so I continue to do it. The following is what I posted tonight.
Excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes….. I write this in real-time (well, minus TiVo stops here and there) while I’m watching the show, and I post it as soon as I’m done. I hope you enjoy it!
Oh, and if you have NO idea who I’m talking about, here are some of the names we’ve been using on the blog:
Madam Haig – Karen Hayes (new head of CTU)
Robocop – Christopher Henderson
Manilow – President Logan
President Allstate – ex-President David Palmer
11pm – The finest roadblock ever is on the street. It has military guys, search lights, and I swear I saw a humvee with a Starbucks installed in the back.
11:00 – Jack is finding out where the money that Manilow is paying Robocop, while Wayne drives to a motel parking lot which is completely empty, except for some guy waving has a yellow piece of paper talking about his “list” and how he has to help them so he can cross them off.
11:01 – Jack calls Audrey to tell her that Manilow is in on the whole thing, and that Jack’s on his way to the bank to get to the safety deposit box. Jack wants Audrey’s father involved. Jack can’t trust anyone but Jack!
11:05 – They get Evelyn into the motel, and Jack checks her thigh because he’s got tons of experience with bullet wounds in the thigh. He wants to clean it, but she doesn’t want him anywhere her leg for fear he’ll shoot that one too.
11:06 – Robocop’s on the phone downloading new instructions from Manilow. They were on the phone with each other just 6 minutes ago! Manilow’s starting to freak out that everyone is freaking out.
11:07 – Madam Haig is talking to Creepy Homeland Guy and she’s having second thoughts about this whole “I’m in charge thing”. Creepy doesn’t like this ONE BIT.
11:08 – Manilow calls Madam Haig to order the arrest of Jack, but in true Manilow style doesn’t want anyone to know who gave the order. Creepy’s all over this and helpfully suggests that the military can use some of those near rocket lauchers, humvee’s, and hand grenades if that would help at all. Haig doesn’t like what’s happening, but Creepy’s all over the whole “let’s catch Jack” thing.
11:09 – Audrey goes to Chloe and shows her the latest Computer catalog to cover the fact they’re talking about Jack. Chloe thinks it’ll take an hour. Audrey wants a secure line so that no one will find out she’s making teary-eyed phone calls to Jack. Chloe says that’ll take about TWO hours.
11:10 – Madam Haig comes down to talk to Audrey, and they don’t like that Jack has an arrest warrant. They know that if he’s arrested, the season’s going to end quick, and they have about 6 more shows to go.
11:12 – Madam Haig is having a Lo-Jack installed on Audrey’s car, so it’ll lead right to Jack.
11:17 – Jack’s driving Wayne to the bank manager’s house, and Jack wants to go in and scare the bank manager into letting them into the bank. He pulls out the handy dandy Jack Bauer lock pick set and breaks into the house.
11:18 – Wife and husband upstairs. The wife is wearing NO bullet proof vest on her thighs.
11:19 – Bank manager goes downstairs and Jack clobbers him. The guy tries to talk his way out of it, and finally relents when Jack aims at his wife’s legs.
11:20 – Road block let’s Audrey through, and she’s on the phone with her dad, Secretary Heller. She needs his help, and she wants his plane re-routed to LA.
11:21 – Audrey’s at a gas station, and it using her cell phone while she’s pumping gas. Despite the sparks flying off the cell phone, she’s able to keep the car from exploding. Chloe gave her a special Lo-Jack locator, which Audrey uses to find the Lo-Jack on the car.
11:23 – A curfew immune truck pulls into the gas station, and Audrey plants to Lo-Jack on the truck! There’s NO chance this truck will be pulled over because it’s filled with undocumented visitors.
11:24 – Manilow looks nervous that he hasn’t talked to Robocop in nearly 20 minutes, and Secret Service guy comes to get him. Scary VP asks about Jack, and Manilow tells Secret Service to leave. Scary can’t understand why Bauer isn’t being treated like a hero, and Manilow does the old “because I said so!” ploy on him, and leaves. Scary looks like he suspects that Manilow has been substituted with an alien, because it’s the first time Manilow has talked to him that way.
11:27 – Evelyn’s asleep on the bed, and her daughter’s crying. Evelyn tries to go to her and hits her head on the table. The daughter calls 911, and Robocop instantly gets a phone call from an evil co-hort.
11:32 – Press conference. Manilow is telling everyone that the terrorist threat is over, the Russian’s are OK, and Jack has signed a three year contract with Fox.
11:33 – Mrs. Manilow is happy about Manilow saving the day, and Secret Service guy looks like he wants to tell her that Manilow is still acting like a lady’s purse.
11:33 – Jack drives up to parking lot, saying they’ll have to go the rest of the way on foot because it’s more dramatic that way, and they still have half an hour until the top of the hour.
11:33 – Jack gets a call from Secret Service Guy on the Jack Phone, which also tells Jack his blood pressure, his heart rate, and the number of bullets he has left in his gun. Secret Service Guy tells Jack about the warrant.
11:34 – They’re on their way to the bank and the humvee with the Starbucks and the machine gun drives by, so they have to hide.
11:34 – Phone call to Madam Haig. The Homeland Security People Who Follow Audrey (HSPWFA) are now known as the Homeland Security People Who Lost Audrey (HSPWLA).
11:35 – Haig calls Creepy, telling him that she wants satellites redirected to find Audrey. He gives a Creepy Stare to Chloe.
11:35 – Outside the bank. They’ve been able to hide, elude patrols and get to the bank in 2 minutes. And they didn’t even run.
11:35 – Jack goes up to the bank’s doors, which I’m sure have no security cameras anywhere near them, and looks in. He grabs Bank Manager and threatens his wife’s non-bullet proof thighs again.
11:36 – Inside the bank, Bank Manager gives Jack the code, 4 8 15 16 23 42, and Jack goes to enter the code. Bank Manager recognizes Wayne! Bank Manager says that he’s sure he’s seen Wayne on this show named “24” last year. Wayne tells him to trust him, but that Bank Manager would never believe him if he told him the real truth. Bank Manager yells, “AM I ON CANDID CAMERA”, and immediately starts looking for Allen Funt. Wayne tells him that he doesn’t really want to know the truth….that he’s on a show with outrageous (but fun to watch) plot lines, and that they’ve come for proof of who killed President Allstate.
11:38 – Bank Manager asks Jack if it’s all true. Jack says yes, and Bank Manager gets all excited until he realized they didn’t mean he really was Candid Camera, it was that other thing about the President.
11:39 – Evalyn’s with the paramedics, who promptly get shot by Robocop, making them much more Edgar-like and a lot less able to fix bullet wounds.
11:43 – Manilow’s on the phone again someone when Mrs. Manilow walks in, and tells him that he’s dealt with more crisis today that any other president, unless you count President Allstate getting shot, which to be fair was a pretty big crisis for him. She calls him magnificent, she kisses him. They kiss far too long, and about half a million viewers had to switch the channels.
11:45 – Phone call, and Manilow asks Mrs. Manilow to leave. She doesn’t like that, so she stays. He takes the call from Robocop. Evelyn told Robocop where Jack is, and Robocop is sending Robothungs there to intercept Jack. Mrs. Manilow asks what the phone call was about, but she doesn’t look like she believes him.
11:46 – Creepy runs upstairs to tell Haig they found Audrey, and man, he’s excited. Haig calls the HSPWLA to intercept Audrey.
11:47 – Crazy Shari finds out that something is wrong with one of the satellites and tells Chloe. Shari can’t get in because it has a massive security grade one override and she’s locked out. She leaves. Chloe presses ONE key on her keyboard and the security is overridden and she sees Audrey’s car.
11:48 – Robothugs at the bank. Robocop says if they see any change, withdraw from the Bank, and deposit the rest of the people with extreme force. One of the Robothugs passes out from the over use of puns in the last sentence.
11:49 – In the vault, they get the recording and they her Manilow and Robocop discussing the whole plot to kill the President, and Bank Manager recognizes Manilow’s voice.
11:50 – Jack spots the Robothugs outside trying to act like he’s just there to use the ATM, but the guns in both hands give him away. They get back away from the door and back into the vault. It’s the only way out….but Jack goes to look for another way!
11:51 – Jack uses the Jackscope to scope the Robothugs outside. Jack tells Bank Manager to trip the bank alarm to get the police there, hoping for a gun fight because there hasn’t been one in over a hour.
11:55 – Chloe walks back to one of her servers and logs into the system, and corrupts the signal they’ve been using to watch Audrey. Creepy goes to investigate, and thinks it’s Chloe. They start playing 1960’s secret agent music. (Really!) Creepy gets there, and Chloe is gone.
11:56 – Creepy finds Chloe coming out the bathroom, and asks what she was doing and Chloe promises to write a report.
11:57 – Back at the bank, same secret agent music. The police arrive, and Bank Manager decides to go with Jack Gun fight with the police!
11:58 – Jack leaves the bank, and takes out a few of the people Robothugs. The military show up and take out a few more! Jack escapes in a police car with Wayne and Bank Manager…who dies in the car.
11:59 – Jack calls Audrey, who tells Jack it’ll be next week until they can give the evidence to her father. Jack says that they’ll be taking down Manilow!
12:00 – Times up!