Tag: 24 Summary

Previously on 24: We found out that: Lennox keeps skeletons in his closet; Jack can yell at Gray so much that he can make him cry; people that can arm nuclear devices can be found in less than an hour in southern California; if you pick pocket a phone from someone, it’s probably a good idea to just toss it on the ground after you use it; Jack and his father are about to sing “Unchained Melody” in the back of a van.

The following summary occurs between 12 pm and 1 pm:

12:00 pm – It looks like hazmat ice cream trucks take longer to get to scenes of tragedy than perky news crews. Perky news crews also don’t understand the concept of being down wind of nuclear explosions.

12:01 pm – Lennox puts on his sad eyes and goes to tell President Wayne that he’s really sorry that Haig resigned, and comes up with a lame excuse to try to get Wayne to sign his autograph on some authorizations to declare everyone in the United States as illegal. Lennox seems to think that getting Wayne to sign a piece of paper is going to get Fayed to stop exploding things. Wayne tells Lennox to pass out copies to the cabinet, and Lennox is REALLY excited about it.

12:02 pm – Haig gets a phone call from Bill, and tells him that she resigned. Bill says that this is a really bad day to resign, because if she takes a plane back to LA, she’ll be off camera for at least a few hours, hampering her chances to get an Emmy for “Most Overly Dramatic Actress In a Nuclear Crisis”. Bill tries to call her back, but she can’t afford the air-time minutes, and doesn’t answer the call. A door slides open, and she enters a little green elevator with a very bored looking CIA guy inside who looks like he wants to say “I joined the CIA for this?”

12:03 pm – At CTU, Chloe tells Bill that she can’t reach Jack by satellite, phone, or smoke signal. She says she’ll keep trying.

12:03 pm – In the van, a thug is on the phone with Gray, who is dumping hard drives… probably on Ebay. Jack’s father starts to tell Jack that everything he’s worked for has been for Jack, but Jack looks unconvinced since he still has a government job. A government job that lets him shoot people, sure, but still….

12:07 pm – The van stops at a junk hard, and the thugs make the mistake of 1) unchaining Jack, and 2) carrying guns. They move to a hole in the ground right next to a cement truck, and a struggle ensues! There’s shooting! YEAH! It’s been WAY too long, and Jack, while relieved he finally got to shoot someone, forgot to tell his Dad not to join the fun because now they have no one to question.

12:10 pm – Jack, with his hands still handcuffed calls Bill, and tells him that Gray has been a naughty nuclear collaborating monkey.

12:11 pm – McCarthy calls to tell Fayed that he found a guy to do the nuclear arming, and actually sends his resume to Fayed! They have very strict hiring laws in California.

Commercial

12:15 pm – Nadia plays a recording for Bill of a podcast she downloaded featuring Fayed’s and McCarthy’s phone call. Morris has a weird screen saver that he hopes can reconstruct the resume, in about 10 minutes, so we’ll check back then.

12:16 pm – Jack stops off to meet one of the CTU guys in the field, Hal Turner, outside of Gray’s house. Jack tells Hal that he wants Gray taken alive, but it’s OK to shoot just about anything else. Jack’s dad wants to know “What are you going to do to him?” and Jack answers, “His hair and nails”, and leaves before his father remembers that Gray is bald.

12:17 pm – Gray, his wife Marilyn, and his son Josh, all start arguing with each other when Jack bursts into the room with some CTU guys. Gray pulls a gun, which really surprises his wife and son. It seems that Gray hasn’t quite told the truth about his real job.

12:18 pm – Jack tells Marilyn that Gray is involved with the nuclear blast, and she doesn’t seem all that surprised that Gray is a weasel. Marilyn stops Jack cold when she tells him, “I’ve seen what happens when you try and protect people”. Ouch.

12:19 pm – The tactical commando guys at CTU must have gone through the Chloe Computer Training Course because they know how to upload whole hard drives up to CTU. Jack tells the commando to take Marilyn and Josh to CTU for safe keeping, because we all know NOTHING can go wrong there. Except Tony. And Edgar. And a Hobbit.

12:20 pm – Josh and Marilyn see Jack’s dad, and Marilyn tells him to tell Jack to “Keep Josh out of this”… She seems to be under the impression that Josh might be the mastermind behind this whole thing.

12:21 pm – Gray tries the “penguin on top of the television” defense and tells Jack that he panicked. Jack yells at Gray, and when that doesn’t work, Jack yells louder, which doesn’t work either. Then Jack tells the interrogation guy, “Set up the Interrogation Package”, which is an upgrade from the “Yelling At” package”. The Interrogation Package comes in a silver suitcase.

Commercial

12:27 pm – Milo gets Chloe and shows her information about Morris’ brother, who either stood way to close to a microwave oven, or got hit with the nuclear blast. He’s in critical condition. Milo takes a page from Management 101 and says he wants to keep Morris from knowing about this because he’s still got several hours of work to do. Chloe ignores this and tells Morris, who can’t understand why his brother was in Valencia. Morris tries to leave, but Chloe convinces him to stay and help.

12:29 pm – Back at the Bauer House of Impending Torture, Jack is on the phone with Bill, who tells Jack about the nuclear engineer and the resume. Gray is having the finishing touches of duct tape applied when Jack walks in and tells Gray about McCarthy’s plan to find an engineer. Gray tells him that since nearly every engineer in California works for Google now, he doesn’t believe it. Meanwhile, Jack’s father just wanders into Gray’s house, despite the large number of CTU commandos all over the place. One of the commandos is video taping the talk Jack and Gray are having for a DVD called “Bauers Gone Wild”, while Jack’s father watches.

12:30 pm – Jack wants to inject Gray with some rather nasty stuff that will cause pain and induce overacting in Gray, and it really works. Gray starts overacting all over the place, but won’t tell Jack anything. They really crank up the CCs of the stuff, and Gray finally starts to confess that it’s not McCarthy but it’s really about everything from LAST season, including David Palmer, Tony, Michelle, but he SWEARS he has nothing to do with Manilow. He tells Jack that he also set Jack up to be killed before, not just what’s happened today. Gray says he’s doing all this “because he loves his country”. Why killing Jack would help the country, I have no idea. I can only think that Gray hasn’t been watching Jack’s fine handiwork for the last few seasons. Gray makes the mistake of telling Jack the cliché “We’re just the same”, which must be a trigger word for Jack because it makes him REALLY mad, and he does the unthinkable. He pushes Gray’s chair over backwards and starts yelling at everyone that he wants to Gray dead right now. The only thing that stops his rampage is when Jack sees his father, who has a VERY disappointed look on his face. Gray looks angry. I mean really angry. I mean, if he were near the nuclear blast earlier, he’d be Bruce Banner angry.

Commercial

12:40 pm – Sandra’s in the hospital with Walid. Walid must be one tough guy, because all he has is a band-aid on his face after that beating he took in the courtyard. Sandra tries to comfort him by telling him that there’s a BIG lawsuit in this for him.

12:41 pm – President Wayne calls Sandra to ask about Walid, and she starts telling him that the men in the courtyard were “innocent bystanders” who just happened to pull down information from the Internet about the additional nuclear weapons, forgetting that the police might have been a bit interested in that.

12:42 pm – Morris downloads an open source application to try to help descramble what he’s working on, but it nearly doesn’t work because he just installed Vista.

12:42 pm – Jack is on the phone with Bill. Jack tells Bill all about Gray’s activities last season, going to Enron-like lengths to protect the company. Gray’s going to CTU, and CTU is setting up at a middle school for what I can only guess will be a gruesome show and tell later.

12:43 pm – Back inside the house, Jack tries to tell his Dad that Gray made “bad choices”, and that’s why he’s in the time out chair. Jack’s father says Jack deserved a “better family”. Jacks wants his father to go to CTU, which will just be about at maximum Bauer capacity by the time he gets there with Gray, Marilyn and Josh.

Commercial

12:50 pm – Morris’ Eclipse plug-in is working, so they should have the picture soon.

12:51 pm – A very scary looking vice president, even scarier looking than last year’s, is on Air Force 2 and confers with Lennox about “the plan”. The cabinet convenes, and Wayne wants to know if everyone’s read “Executive Order 1066”. Everyone looks as though they’re already sick of the other 1065 Executive orders, so one more is just more of the same. They all pretend they’ve read it.

12:52 pm – Wayne drops his own bomb that he’s NOT going to use Lennox’s plan, and launches into a political speech. He and Tom argue back and forth in the same format that Sandra uses to monologue. We also find out that the vice president’s name is “Noah”.

12:53 pm – At CTU everyone is running around urgently. They’re really dragging out the picture Morris is trying to reconstruct. The picture finally reassembles, and TA DA! It’s Morris! They’re going to try and get Morris to set the nuclear weapons! Morris, of course, has left the building, and is now in extreme danger of becoming the focus of the next several hours of the show. The whole thing with Morris’ brother at the hospital was a set up just to get Morris outside of CTU.

12:55 pm – CTU gets Morris on the phone, and just as he’s talking to Jack, McCarthy shows up, gets angry at the passenger seat of Morris’ car, shoots it, and steals Morris, all with everyone listening in on the phone. Bet that makes the Christmas blooper reel.

12:56 pm – Back at Gray’s house, Gray is still tied up, and Jack’s father asks to talk to Gray alone, which no one considers even the slightest bit suspicious.

12:57 pm – Well, well, well… Jack’s father and Gray are still in on the whole thing together. They’ve planned everything! They really, really want the company to survive, and Gray says he’s going to be a tough monkey to protect the company.

12:59 pm – Jack’s dad doesn’t believe him, shoots chemicals into Gray’s IV drip, and kills him! They just left a syringe lying around?? Wonder if that video tape was still going in the other room?

1:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: TWO HOUR SHOW! A SUPER FAST PLANE HAS GOTTEN ASSAD TO WASHINGTON ALREADY! SHOOTING! EXPLOSIONS! JACK HAS TO DISARM A TICKING BRIEFCASE!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

PREVIOUSLY ON 24: We learned that: Nuclear weapons make people stand up when they watch TV; Jack probably taught MacGyver how to use television antennas to save people from helicopters; It’s been so long since Gray (Hollywood Looking Guy from last season) has seen his brother Jack, that he can’t even remember Jack’s first name; If Jack asks you “Paper or Plastic”, always pick paper.

The following summary takes place between 11 am and 12 pm:

11:00 am – Wayne has been speaking on TV since last week and finally wraps everything up by telling the country that everyone faces a grave crisis…. Are there zombies out already in Valencia? Haig overhears Lennox’s plans, for conquest of the US without clearing it with Wayne, and doesn’t like it very much. They launch into speeches at each other, which hopefully gets it out of the way for the rest of the show, which we hope will involve thigh shots. Lennox plots to get Haig out of the way with one of his lackeys.

11:02 am – Over at CTU, Nadia pretends to type at a computer, and runs to Bill to ask about profiling, since anyone with a mideastern background has to do a double super secret login, plus they all need special decoder rings now. Bill tells Nadia that Chloe handles all the programming issues, but that using “gprof” will probably help her. Nadia asks how she’s supposed to work with one hand tied behind her back, and Bill says he bets that she still can type faster than most people. Bill asks about Jack, and Nadia says they haven’t heard from him, other than a requisition for a case of head-sized plastic bags.

11:03 am – Gray, who has been holding his breath since last week, starts crying that he doesn’t know where Jack’s dad is, when the bag is finally pulled off. Gray denies everything, until Jack shows him the bag again, and suddenly Gray magically remembers every single detail about the nuclear weapons. Turns out that Jack’s dad is into nuclear weapon recycling, and that Gray made a giant boo-boo by hiring the lowest bid contractor, who accidentally turned out to be a terrorist. Gray probably would have noticed that if he had read the guy’s business card a little more carefully.

11:06 am – Gray really insults Jack by telling him that “What we are were going to do would be a lot more effective than what you and your people were going to do.” Wasn’t Gray paying attention to all the explosive terrorists, thigh shots, and general mayhem that Jack caused last season? Oh, well, it has been a while since Jack was away at Chinese prison, so maybe he forgot. Jack’s dad is out looking for the nuclear weapons, handing out flyers and posting signs on telephone poles. Jack tells Gray that he’s coming along for the ride, since he’s fresh out of people to drive him around.

11:09 am – Mrs. Gray is taking this opportunity to watch another shot of the expensive nuclear blast special effect, never noticing that Gray and Jack were making lots of noise just a few feet away in another room. Gray and Jack leave.

11:10 am – Jack calls Chloe and asks if she’s picked up any threads, and Chloe tells him that she’s heard of “Pick Up Sticks”, but never of “Pick Up Threads”. Jack tells her to send a few field units out into the field, and to wait for him there, because he gets cranky if there is shooting going on, and he’s not involved.

Commercial

11:15 am – Milo tells everyone that the nuclear explosion, which seems to have burned out the picture on the LCD in the briefing room, is making it hard to find Fayed. Bill tells him that’s because the way this normally works is that they send a lot of people out into the field and come up empty; then Jack eventually calls in to announce that he’s single-handedly figured out where the bad guy is. Chloe comes in and tells Bill that Jack has asked for a couple of field units to be sent out into the field, and Bill tells Milo that this is what he’s been waiting for.

11:16 am – While Jack is driving around corners at top speed, Gray is trying to convince Jack that getting CTU involved is going to involve “the family”, which is apparently the Bauer mafia. Jack tells Gray to “trust him”, which is Jack code for “you could be dead soon”.

11:17 am – Bill calls Jack. Jack says that his father is involved with the nuclear weapons through McCarthy. Bill jumps to the conclusion that Jack’s father had nothing to do with the nuclear weapons being sold, and Jack points out that might not be a good assumption, but that they’ll have to wait for a little later in the show to find out if this turns into a real plot twist. Bill tells Jack to have fun shooting people, and to call him back when he finds out anything.

11:18 am – McCarthy is on the phone with a nuclear weapon engineer recruiter looking for someone that can activate nuclear weapons. The search on Monster has come up with nothing so far. His girlfriend starts complaining, and he finally pulls over saying that he doesn’t need “negativity” and needs “his space”, just like Dr. Phil always recommends. The phone rings, and Fayed wants to know if he’s found an engineer. McCarthy tells him it’s harder to find an engineer right now than before the Internet bubble hit, and hangs up on Fayed.

11:19 am – Back at the detention center, the FBI guy is showing Sandra his vacation slides when a picture of what’s going out in the courtyard comes up. He’s telling her that he’s going to post the pictures to the Web, and get CTU to look at them.

11:19 am – Milo instantly gets the pictures on his screen, and tries to go to Morris to get him to look at it. Morris tells him to talk to Nadia. Milo tries to get information from Nadia that he needs, and she tells him to go talk to Bill. Milo says he feels like he’s trapped in an old MASH episode.

11:20 am – Milo talks to Bill about Nadia, and Bill tells him that Nadia’s been flagged by a Homeland Security memo. Milo launches into a mini-speech, until Bill stops him and tells him to get back to work.

11:21 am – Bill calls Haig and asks if she got the memo. Haig says that she did, and that she promises to have a cover sheet on her next TPS report. Haig says she’s going to try and tell Wayne about Lennox.

11:22 am – Back at detention center, Walid faces away from the rest of the detainees, trying to hide the very visible earplug that the FBI put in his left ear last hour. He casually asks if everyone is from around there, where there kids go to school, and whether they know any homicidal nuclear terrorists. They all look at him funny for a couple of seconds, and then go on as if Walid asking questions like this is perfectly normal. They reveal that one of them has a cell phone that went completely undetected by the guards, and Walid says that he doesn’t even want to know where that thing was when it was smuggled into the detention center.

11:24 am – Back at the White House bunker, Lennox’s lackey comes up with a list of things he can blackmail Haig with, including video of her playing Solitaire on her computer, the late lunches she’s been taking, and the fact that Bill might have let Fayed go when he was in CTU custody 14 months ago. He wants Haig out of the way. Haig tells Lennox that he has skeletons his in closest too, and he tells her that his skeletons are out of the closest and living in San Francisco now, so there’s nothing she can do about it.
He wants Haig to resign within the hour.

Commercial

11:31 am – Morris wants to know why Nadia is taking so long, and Milo says he’s running a background downloads on her system, so everything has slowed down a lot. Milo logs Nadia in using his user id.

11:34 am – Haig goes to Wayne and asks for some time to speak with him. Since Wayne only has to worry about a nuclear weapon that just went off and a four more that are in the country, he of course says he has time to talk. Haig hands in her resignation, which Wayne doesn’t accept at first. Haig presses the point, and then butters him up a bit so that he’ll give her a good reference. She asks to be transferred to Los Angeles and then leaves. Wayne looks pretty bummed out. Lennox’s lackey bumps into her in the hallway, tries to get her autograph, and she declines. The lackey calls Lennox to tell him this, and in a first ever, we see that one of the real jerks on TV isn’t using a Windows laptop, he’s using a Mac.

Commercial

11:40 am – Jack and Gray look like they’re car shopping, but Jack’s on the phone with Chloe trying to find the car that McCarthy might be using. Chloe asks Jack what to do with the back-up teams that are “in a two block radius”, and tells Jack that she can’t use the term “perimeter” right now, because it’s “still too soon”. Jack says he understands. Jack and Gray go into an office building marked “Nuclear Weapons Traders”.

11:42 am – Back at the detention center, Walid watches the guy with the cell phone wander around the yard saying “Can you hear me now?” but no one can. In an incredible (and by that I mean “not at all credible”) feat of acrobatics, we find out that Walid also happens to be an excellent pickpocket, because he stumbles and grabs that guy’s cell phone away from him. He talks to the FBI using the wire he had implanted last hour, and the FBI asks him to call for carry out because it’s nearly noon. They also ask him to dial a number, press star twice, and turn around three times on one foot. The FBI says after that, he should just “put the phone back”. Chloe instantly gets everything from the phone after Walid dials it (because she’s just that kinda high tech girl we all know and love). The FBI instructs Walid to get the phone back to the guy he stole it from. He goes over to talk to the rest of the detainees, but can’t quite seem to figure out what kind of small talk to make.

11:44 am – Chloe is searching through the data when a skull appears on her screen, which doesn’t freak her out at all. Stuff like that happens to Chloe every day. She calls The FBI guy and tells him that the stuff on the phone is useless. The guys in the courtyard have been reading blogs, so the data is essentially worthless. She also says she’s horrified that anyone would be browsing the web with such a small phone with such a tiny screen. Sandra takes the opportunity to start making a speech, and the FBI guy urgently calls someone on his radio to tell them they’re going to extract Walid from the yard.

11:46 am – Meanwhile, out in the courtyard, the guy that was so proud for smuggling the phone in realizes that he hasn’t been obsessing about having it for the last couple of minutes, and can’t find the phone. Walid says that he doesn’t have it, but the cell phone guy is pretty quick on the uptake, and tells everyone to search Walid. They find the phone, and start using Walid as a punching bag, proving that whomever the FBI called is really slow at performing extractions. This all goes on for a short while until the guards all start running up, and the FBI guy finally calls for medical assistance. Sandra tries to talk to Walid, and he says that’s the last time he agrees to THAT.

Commercial

11:51 am – One of the CTU backup team guys calls Chloe to let her know that even though Jack has been at the McCarthy building for a long time, they finally just got there. These guys must be new, because Chloe tells them to watch all the entrances and exits to the building.

11:52 am – Inside the building, Jack reprograms an electronic door lock without the aid of any tools whatsoever, and he and Gray go inside the room. After 52 minutes, we FINALLY see a gun, which fortunately Jack is holding. Jack starts going through a conveniently placed computer and realizes that it has some kind of bizarre operating system on it that puts all the file access in a series of cascading menus. The files can’t be accessed because someone has started to scramble and delete them all. Jack hears a noise in the next room, so he does what any brother would do. He chains Gray to some furniture and goes to investigate.

11:54 am – Jack looks around, making lots of noise as he goes and gets into a fight with someone. Jack is just about to do a thigh shot when someone comes up from behind and hits him in the back of the head. The guy is just about to shoot Jack dead when Zefram Cochrane comes out of the next room and tells the guy not to shoot, because this is a little “Clouseau and Cato” game that he and Jack like to play.

11:55 am – Jack asks for his gun back, and gives the keys to one of the guys that tried to beat him up while Zefram explains that he’s been working on a warp engine design with McCarthy and things got WAY out of hand.

11:57 am – Jack tells his father that he’s looking for the nuclear weapons, and that if Gray has to go to prison, that’s Gray’s problem. Gray comes back and starts to smart talk Jack a bit, and says just the wrong thing (he mentions Jack’s dead wife), which really gets Jack upset and he nearly punches Gray in the face. Jack’s father must have been REALLY busy when these two were kids. Jack’s dad finally tells Jack to call CTU, when a plot twists happens while Jack is off guard – his dad’s thugs turn out to be Gray’s thugs! They have a gun on Jack and his dad now! Gray and the thugs take Jack and his dad out of the building.

11:58 am – Meanwhile, the special effect that went off a couple of hours ago is dissipating quickly, so they show one more shot of it while they can. McCarthy and his girlfriend are on a hotel walkway. McCarthy is on the phone trying to get a room upgrade when he realizes he accidentally dialed the recruiter that’s looking for an engineer that can enable the weapons, who has found a guy he thinks they can force to do the job.

11:59 am – Downstairs in the lobby, Gray and the thugs start to take Jack and his father outside when everyone notices that the two new CTU back-up team guys are going to need back-up teams themselves, because they’re dead. Gray tells the thugs to call him when “it’s done”, and they load Jack and his dad into a van. Jack looks VERY disappointed that he didn’t hit Gray when he had the chance.

12:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: JACK SHOOTS SOME BAD GUYS! THE RETURN OF THE DISSIPATING SPECIAL EFFECT! JACK GETS TO BEAT UP GRAY SOME MORE!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

PREVIOUSLY ON 24: We found out that:

When Jack throws up, nuclear weapons go off; When Jack fires someone, he really fires someone; If you EVER see someone that’s about to set off a nuclear weapon, rush them – yelling at them won’t stop them; Fayed is going to need some more bad guys to hang out with.

The following summary takes place between 10 am and 11 am

10:00 am – The unthinkable has happened: They positioned the TV in the Oval office so that everyone has to stand to be able to see it. On that TV, we learn that Valencia oranges are going to be a lot more scarce, mainly because of a nuclear weapon special effect we’ve already seen at least three times. The announcer on the TV they’re watching is stretching for time and giving everyone interesting, but completely useless facts about what happens when a nuclear bomb goes off.

10:01 am – Lennox tells Wayne that at least twelve thousand voters expired in the blast. Haig tells Wayne that her husband from CTU Bill just called to let her know that there are four other bombs available to the terrorists, so we could be seeing that same special effect again really soon. Wayne asks Lennox for the Joint Chiefs to bring one, until Lennox explains what the “Joint Chiefs” really are. Haig said that keeping people from taking airline flights will NOT be a problem. They also find the video of the explosion on YouTube already. Wayne is told he has to go to the bunker, and is pretty excited about it, since they keep some pretty cool food down there.

10:02 – At CTU, everyone’s watching on TV, and they’re all standing up too. The guy talking on the TV say there’s a nuclear physics expert who will talk about some scary things to more panic. Bill asks Nadia if they’ve heard from anyone (“No”), and Milo tells Bill that all their field teams were too close to the blast, and they’re dead too.

10:03 – A guy with a wire in his head is briefing Wayne about all the cool stuff in the bunker. The Vice President has been alerted and at first was very excited, until he found out that Wayne was still OK. He goes back to his VP duties of sitting around for something to happen to Wayne, and continues to follow protocol. Large silver cardboard doors behind them slam shut with a satisfying special effect noise.

10:04 – Haig calls Bill. She asks if the heavily armed teams they sent after the terrorists might have something to do with that nuclear weapon going off. Bill says he’s not sure. It could have been one of the California garage bands trying to play “Louie, Louie” when something went horribly, horribly wrong. Bill tells her they’re still looking for Fayed, and Assad is on the way to CTU. Haig asks Bill to be careful. Bill assures her that he’s NOT going to go outside for the next two or three hundred years.

10:05 – Chloe and Morris talk about what happened in the nuclear blast to “all those people, and Curtis”. She asks Morris why all the people she knows keep dying, and Morris asks her if she really knew twelve thousand people, obviously impressed. Then Chloe said that she’s having “packet loss” and wants to know if Morris wants to “boot her router”, and he agrees. Fortunately, or unfortunately, for Chloe, she means exactly what she said.

10:06 – Many fire engines all over the place in California, dodging people that are trying to drop suitcases on other people on the street below, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.

10:07 – Fayed’s car nearly misses a little girl in the street, and he hits the driver in the back of the head for missing her. Fayed continues the conversation with the person that sold him the bomb, McCarthy, telling him that the bomb wasn’t supposed to go off yet, that something must have happened. Fayed is particularly upset because he lost his engineer in the blast, and that it was going to be IMPOSSIBLE to find another one, because most of them have already been hired by Google. Fayed also says when the device to program the nuclear triggers blew up, they realized they forgot to do backups and don’t have a way to program the other triggers. McCarthy sympathizes, saying it’s hard to find a good backup program for Windows. Fayed offers to double McCarthy’s price for the previous transaction. Fayed says he needs them within the next couple of hours or the plot is going to drag on too long and they’ll lose viewers. McCarthy says he has to look up some things on web, and that he’ll call Fayed back. Fayed’s car continues on, and we see a helicopter parked by a student driver that won’t be getting his pilot license soon.

10:09 – It turns out that the student pilot is already on the street looking around for someone to help him, and of course he meets Jack. Jack, as usual is more than willing to help, but the student is a little freaked out when Jack tells him that the reason the helicopter crashed was a shockwave from a nuclear bomb. The guy says that there was definitely nothing about that in ANY of the manuals he has read. Jack climbs to the top of the roof like a spider monkey. The people inside are OK. Jack pulls a McGyver by grabbing a television antenna and pries open the helicopter door just in time to grab the guy inside. The helicopter sparks on the way down, and blows up a Porsche on the street, leading most of the Porsche owner’s neighbors to start clapping, since they didn’t like that guy very much anyway.

10:10 – Still on the roof, Jack calls Bill at CTU and tells him he’s getting AMAZING reception from up there. Jack says he’s “back in”. Bill says “I thought you were out”. Jack says this isn’t the hokey-pokey, and he wants someone to come pick him up. Bill says that’ll take a while since everyone’s already heard what Jack did to his last driver, but says he’ll send a car.

Commercial

10:16 – Down in the bunker, everyone is sitting down because the televisions there are in a much better position than they were in the Oval office. Wayne is Skype-ing with a military officer. Wayne wants to know if Fayed was state-sponsored, and if so, who it was. The officer tells Wayne that the CIA is going through photos to see if Fayed had ever driven for NASCAR which would make it a lot easier to see who the sponsor might have been.

10:17 – A guy dressed as Captain Kangaroo tells Wayne that he’s not sure which country sponsored the bombing, but he’s willing to take the chance to blow up a lot of things because he has some ships he wants to use. He says, “We’ve been playing games with these terrorists for 11 weeks now”, and Wayne says that they should have been trying to catch the terrorists instead. Captain Kangaroo continues, “The only language they understand is force”. Lennox starts to make a lame Star Wars joke, but Wayne stops him. Captain Kangaroo wants to send them “back to the Stone Age”. Wayne says he seriously doubts that Hollywood would even consider making “The Flintstones 3”, let alone hire terrorists. Haig says that Captain Kangaroo seems to be speaking in clichés, and they need a translator right away before everything goes to the dogs.

10:17 – Wayne starts to tell Captain Kangaroo that sending a lot of nuclear weapons all over the place probably isn’t the best tactical nuclear weapon option at this point. Captain Kangaroo starts to argue with him. When Lennox speaks up to tell Captain Kangaroo that he HATES it when people interrupt during meetings, and we also find out it is not Captain Kangaroo… it is Admiral Kangaroo. Wayne says he’s going to retaliate, with “our sights locked on our enemy”. Haig looks worried that Wayne might have caught the cliché virus that Kangaroo has.

10:18 – Wayne asks Haig what CTU has learned in the last 20 minutes about the remaining nuclear weapons. Haig says they’re loud and that people don’t want to be around them when they go off. Wayne says he’s not talking about Trump and Rosie, he wants to know about the remaining nuclear weapons! Haig says that CTU has been watching satellite TV, but don’t know where the bomb was meant to be set off, and that just like she told everyone just twenty minutes ago, Fayed may or may not be alive, and that if he’s alive that would be “bad”. Like “tell him about the Twinkie” bad.

10:18 – Fayed tells his driver to make a phone call to someone, to let them know that the nuclear weapons in the back of the car (which they almost had an accident in nearly hitting a little girl) are “safe”, which I think the caller could have assumed because there wasn’t a second nuclear explosion recently.
10:19 – At CTU, Assad arrives and starts to give Bill a speech about not being his enemy. Assad tries to shake hands with Bill, but Bill spots the joy buzzer in Assad’s hand, so he doesn’t shake it.

10:19 – Morris and Chloe are setting up mineral water and laptops (always a good combination to have right next to each other) in the CTU boardroom. Morris makes various wisecracks while doing this, showing us why Chloe probably started going out with the guy in the first place.

10:20 – In the boardroom, Bill tells Assad that Fayed has four more nuclear weapons, and Assad seems to be a bit surprised by this. Assad tells Bill that he came to the US to stop Fayed and to take a tour of “star’s homes”, if there was any time left over. Bill and Assad recap the whole “I’m here to stop Fayed, and to broker a peace deal” story just in case we didn’t remember them pounding that into our heads last week.

10:21 – Assad says that the source of the nuclear weapons is General Dmitri Gredenko. Chloe immediately starts to open up a Russian database, because she just happens to have one lying around.

Commercial

10:25 – Milo tries to get all technical with Chloe by pointing to the file name “Gredenko” on the screen and Chloe tells him that it’s a yellow sticky note, not a file name. Morris comes over and just happens to have a list of everyone that Gredenko ever met during business meetings, and Chloe goes to tell Bill about number 17 on the list: “Philip Bauer”. Bill says, “Bauer…. Bauer… Doesn’t ring a bell”. Chloe smacks him on the back of the head and Bill says, “Oh, THAT Bauer. Jack’s Dad!”

10:26 – Bill calls Jack about the “Gredenko”, and asks if he recognizes that name. When Jack says “no”, Bill gets all snotty and says, “Well, your dad does!” (Classy, Bill). Jack hasn’t talked to his dad in nine years, but wants to have a really awkward conversation, so Jack volunteers to talk to him. Bill tells Jack to leave the driver on any old street corner, and that Jack can have the car. The driver mumbles something like “Curtis said there would be days like this”.

10:28 – At the detention facility, there are prisoners standing in the courtyard standing really still and trying to pretend that a nuclear weapon didn’t go off today. Sandra’s on the phone and she recognizes the FBI as they walk in because of the white iPod wire coming out of the agent’s shirt and into his ear. The agent says that his friend, Agent Jennings, wants to give Walid an iPod that can record conversations, so he can find out if there’s an active terror cell in the dentition facility. Sandra asks why all the cells aren’t already all wired up for sound, but everyone ignores her. Then she asks how they’re going to put a wire on him, and they tell him that they use a very small staple gun and that the nervous twitches will go away about a week or two after they get the staples back out.

10:29 – In the courtyard, the men being held there are standing around in a circle talking, not letting Walid join in their terrorist games. Walid tries to join in the conversation, but the men don’t really seem to take to him.

10:30 – The FBI agents go walking across the courtyard, yelling out Walid’s name, right in front of the group of men, who I’m sure would never in a million years suspect that Walid might eventually try something with the FBI. Walid, for his part, acts like he has no idea what’s going on, mainly because he really has no idea what’s going on. They make a HUGE deal out of roughing up Walid, so much that Walid almost starts to confess. That’s when one of the agents whispers to Walid that they’re wiring him up. They throw in a few extra punches to make it look real. Sandra’s in the other room listening to all this and freaks out, telling everyone she’s the one with the lawyer, err acting training, not Walid. She tries to go help him, but the FBI hold her back.

10:31 – Out in the courtyard, all the men are watching while Walid is pretending to get beaten up with very realistic punches from the FBI. The FBI guys show Walid a Windows Mobile PDA with Fayed’s name in huge letters on it. Walid starts to ask how they got Fayed’s PDA, when the agent punches him again and tells Walid that he’s supposed to drop Fayed’s name to the guy’s in the courtyard. Walid seems pretty confused about this whole situation, not to mention the audience. The agents leave. The guys in the courtyard seem very impressed that Walid can take that kind of beating, and Walid tells him it’s because of his days as a mime and walks away.

10:32 – Jack makes a phone call, and someone named Sam answers. Sam tells Jack that he doesn’t know where Jack’s father is, because he left in a mysterious plot point we’ll learn about later. He also casually drops the fact that Jack has a brother named Gray. Jack asks for the phone number, since Jack hasn’t talked to him in a while either. It also turns out that the entire conversation from Sam’s end is being broadcast in HD TV to a guy named Liddy who’s video taping Same for some reason.

10:33 – Liddy calls someone, and WHOA! Gray is “Hollywood Looking Terrorist Guy” from last season! And he still has the Borg implant in his head! Gray is pretty surprised that Jack is alive, and doesn’t seem all that happy that Jack is back. I’m guessing that Gray and Jack didn’t exactly see eye to eye about things, mainly because Gray tells Liddy they should have killed Jack when they had a chance.

That’s just a guess though.

Anyway, Gray caught the cliché virus too, because he tells Liddy that “My brother has a way of digging things up that need to stay buried”. I bet Gray is still mad at Jack for digging up a pet from the backyard when they were kids.

Commercial

10:38 – Gray gets a call from Jack, and they make ironic small talk. Jack tries to find out where his Dad is, but Gray is of no help. Gray says he’ll try and find out where their father is. Gray almost asks if he can get Jack’s exact GPS coordinates, so he can send a squad of commandos right over to help Jack out, but stops himself just in time. It doesn’t appear that Jack suspects a thing… yet.

10:39 – Jack calls Chloe to see if she can find “Graem Bauer’s” address, but questions why someone would give a kid a first name with a spelling like that. She asks Jack if Gray got beat up a lot as a kid, and Jack hints that’s why Gray might have turned out the way he did. She gives Jack the address, knowing that Jack just got off the phone with Graem. I think Chloe is pretty sure that Jack surprise visit to Graem won’t be that great for Graem.

10:40 – Back at Graem, err Gray’s house, we find out that he has a wife and son, which is kind of weird because we never saw them last season when he was locked in that room giving orders. Must have been another part of the house. Anyway, the wife and son are watching TV, and the wife is standing and the son is sitting. It looks like they almost got the TV in the right place, but not quite. when Gray walks in. Gray tells his son that now that a bomb went off in LA, he’s SURE that the next one will be somewhere else, and says under his breath that “I oughta know”, but no one else hears this.

10:41 – Gray tells Mrs. Gray that Jack is back from his Chinese takeout, and Mrs. Gray seems surprised. They start to have a little “inside baseball” conversation that only they understand until it comes out that Jack had a thing for Mrs. Gray, and Gray still doesn’t like that. That’s even when Mrs. Gray didn’t take Jack, and went after a small, balding ticked off guy with a piece of metal in his ear.

10:43 – The White House speech writing staff is hard at work trying to think of a political correct term for devastating nuclear explosion, and have come up with “high energy physics event”, which doesn’t go over with Lennox at all. He wants to call it “a big bang boom”. Wayne is more worried about how he appears on TV than anything else, and Lennox takes the opportunity to point out that if everyone had just listened to him and they had bombed the living tar out of anyone that even thought the word “terrorist” everything would be just peachy. Lennox and Haig start to argue, with Wayne jumping in to help give a nice little speech about trying to get everything back to where it was before: Safe streets…. Except in LA where Jack Bauer is shooting everything in sight.

10:44 – McCarthy picks up a blonde woman on the street who has been waiting for him. She’s really mad because the wind might change and put “nuclear thingies” into her hair.

10:44 – McCarthy calls Fayed and says, “Things are looking up”. Fayed says that’s a really bad pun, considering what happened today, and wants to know what McCarthy has found. McCarthy tells him that he thinks he’ll have some good news for Fayed soon. Fayed tells his men that the rest of the bombs are going to go off today, and to get ready. One of the guys does an imitation of SpongeBob saying, “I’m Ready! I’m Ready!” but Fayed ignores him and walks into a building. Then he backs up and walks through a door into a building.

Commercial

10:49 – At CTU, Nadia tells Bill that she just got done talking to Assad, who gave them a few more names. Bill tells them that since they’ve known each other for less than an hour now, and that they’ve known that he wants peace for everyone, it seems completely appropriate to put him on a plane where he, as a top terrorist leader, can go meet face to face with the President, since there’s no way anything bad could happen to the president if they meet fact to face. Bill puts out his hand to shake Assad’s hand, and after checking to make sure that Bill didn’t spit in his palm or anything like that, Assad shakes it.

10:50 – Milo tells Bill that the FBI put one of those special iPods on someone at the detention center, and that a podcast is being broadcast over the internet right now. Bill tells Chloe to start streaming the audio right away.

10:50 – Back at detention courtyard, the men argue back and forth about Walid, and whether or not they should talk to him. Somehow, the FBI got an undercover cameraman to show off what’s going on in the courtyard too, because Sandra is watching Walid over closed-circuit TV. Sandra is pretty upset by all this, and tells one of the FBI agents that he shouldn’t be giving speeches. The agent reminds her of the speeches she gave last episode.

10:52 – Out in the courtyard, one of the men from the group goes to talk to Walid about getting beaten up by the FBI. Walid drops the name “Abu Fayed” after the man prods him for information, but the guy says he doesn’t recognize it, but it’s good enough to join the clique with the other guys in the courtyard.

10:55 – Over at Gray’s place, Jack arrives and tells Gray they need to talk. Gray hugs Jack, and checks Jack for a wire. Gray’s son, Josh, comes downstairs and Jack shakes hands with him, showing off the cool hand makeup he’s wearing. Gray takes Jack to his special office, and tries to make small talk about Chavez, but Jack just wants to find out where their dad is.

10:56 – Gray tells Jack to relax, which Jack does by punching Gray in the face! Jack locks the door to the room, gets a lamp which Jack renders useless by pulling the cord out of it. Jack ties up Gray, and tells him that he wants information.

10:57 – Back at the White House, Lennox tells the president that they’ve adding a few more clichés to the speech, and that it’s in the teleprompter ready to read. Wayne makes his speech to the American public.

10:59 – Jack REALLY wants to know where his father is, because he doesn’t even as “paper or plastic”…. He goes straight for the handy plastic bag that Gray just happens to have, and wraps Gray’s head with it! Jack better hope Gray doesn’t think to just bite into that bag!

11:00 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: JACK PULLS A KNIFE ON HIS BROTHER! GRAY DISSES JACK’S DEAD WIFE! LENNOX PLOTS AGAINST HAIG! ZEFRAM COCHRANE IS JACK’S DAD! WAIT UNTIL JULIAN FINDS OUT!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

I’m one of the many people that posts on the “24″ thread every week over on the Dave Barry blog, and I write summaries of the show while the show is playing and post them over there. (I’m the “Steve” that Dave refers to over in some of his posts. Since I have my own blog too, this is where I keep the archives of what I write over there.

Summary of “24″, Season 6, Episode 4

The following summary occurs between 9 am and 10 am

9:00 am – Bill finds out that Namir escaped, and gives the “We have to do better than we’re doing, and we have to do it better” speech that executives given when their bonuses are on the line, and CTU people start scrambling.

9:01 am – Milo tells Bill that Namir knows a whole lot of things about nuclear engineering and is up to date, despite being held prisoner for some time now. Bill wants to make it a top priority, to find out how that kind of reading material got into the prison, but the real top priority is to find Namir.

9:02 am – Our first ANTI perimeter call, when Nadia says they WON’T be able to set up a satellite perimeter. Milo goes to talk to Morris who says he’s getting the latest shoe styles on his monitor for Chloe, and to go bother someone else. Milo then goes to Chloe, who says she’s didn’t ask Morris to do anything. Morris says, “Gotcha!”, but Milo doesn’t like that and tells him to just “process the images”.

9:03 am – President Wayne is pretty upset that there’s a rogue nuclear weapon on American soil, and wants to know if the rogue is Alliance or Horde. Lennox tells him that it would more likely be a fire-spec-ed mage, not a rogue. In any event, the nuclear device would likely be in a suitcase. Wayne wants to know why in the world the US is manufacturing suitcases for things like that. Haig says that there will be a LOT of little people icons that wouldn’t represent people anymore, unless they stop the terrorist from detonating the bomb. WAYNE SAYS, “GET ME JACK BAUER!”, which I think is safe to say is something we would all like to say at least once in a while when we’re in a bad situation at work.

9:04 am – Back at the storage warehouse, Curtis is still being really snotty with Assad, which I guess we have to give Curtis the benefit of the doubt about since Assad is, technically, a homicidal terrorist maniac. Sure seems like Curtis has some other reason for it though, and he better tell someone soon, because these little outbursts are getting old.

9:05 am – A REALLY loud ringing noise in Jack’s ear from that Babelfish he threw in there last hour, and he takes it out. He answers the phone, and it’s President Wayne, who has Jack’s phone number readily at hand. Wayne tells Jack that Jack better be right (will they LEARN?), and wants Jack to take over the search for Fayed, which as all the rest of us could point out, Jack has been doing all along without permission, thank you very much. AGAIN, Jack whines that he doesn’t think he’s up to it. Wayne promises Jack that he’ll get to shoot many people and many thighs. That convinces Jack.

9:06 am – Jack tells Curtis that he’s in charge now and that Assad is part of the team. Curtis REALLY doesn’t like this, and asks Jack what the heck happened to Jack in Chinese prison. Did they force him to make running away shoes or something? Jack asks what history Curtis has with Assad, and just as we’re about to find out….. Assad interrupts with an explosive proof PDA that’s still working. It says the nuclear device got to Fayed last Thursday, which was much too early since “24” just started last Sunday.
9:07 am – Jack calls Chloe, and uses the magic words, “I need you to do something for me”, which as usual makes Chloe say, “I’m busy”. He finally convinces her to look up anything she can find that ties Curtis with Assad, and she suggests giant rubber bands. Jack says he means information about what happened between them, and Chloe says she’ll look as soon as she can.

9:08 am – Namir arrives at the Terrorist Warehouse, and there’s typical rejoicing amongst the terrorists, which is to say Fayed tastes both Namir’s cheeks even though Namir is really sweaty.

9:09 am – They open up a suitcase, and voila, a random engine part that looks like it could be a nuclear device is in there. Namir says one of the parts he’s looking for is missing. Ahmed tells him that someone named, Ahmed is going to bring it. Namir asks “Who”? Fayed says, “Taj, from ‘Van Wilder’”. Namir says he loves that movie, and is satisfied that Ahmed is trustworthy.

9:10 am – Ahmed is popping pills like a self-medicating chiropractor, and Scott’s mom tells Ahmed that Ahmed’s dad is going to be VERY disappointed. Scott’s dad calls before Ahmed can answer, and for a brief second Scott’s dad has the upper hand in arguing with Ahmed about delivering the device to Fayed. Somehow, midway through the argument, Ahmed turns the tables and says he’ll only release one person, which makes Scott’s dad completely forget that he’s holding all the cards that Ahmed wants. Scott’s dad tells him to release Scott, so of course Ahmed releases Scott’s mom.

9:11 am – As soon as Scott’s mom gets in the car, she calls Scott’s dad. They both decide there is no reason whatsoever that Ahmed wouldn’t let Scott go after he did what they said, even though Ahmed has been spouting propaganda, killing neighbors and making them make weird pick ups and deliveries in town. Scott’s dad is going to make the delivery to Fayed.

9:13 am – Scott’s mom pulls over to call 911. She tells them that a terrorist has taken her son hostage, and just about asks for Jack Bauer, but stops herself and asks for the police.

Commercial

9:19 am – Milo must never have heard of “sed”, because he’s upset that Morris sent him a file that was tab delimited instead of comma delimited. He can’t figure out how to convert it, and Milo and Morris start getting into a nerd fight. WELL…. Chloe comes over and turns out to be a bit more socially active than we thought, although I find it hard to believe that she actually dated someone that can’t do a global replace in an editor.

9:21 am – Bill calls Jack, who puts Scott’s mom on the line. She asks for his autograph, but Jack ignores this and asks about the terrorist that’s holding her son. She’s completely unhelpful, other than knowing the name “Fayed”.

9:22 am – Jack asks Bill who the closest team is, and well, it turns out that Jack is “as close as anyone”, and that Jack should “take his team with him”. What else is he going to do, drop the team off while he goes after Ahmed? Curtis doesn’t want Assad to come with, and looks for an ejection button for the backseat, but he left it in his other black SUV.

9:23 am – The ambassador from a non-descript Mid-Eastern country comes into the oval office to meet with President Wayne. Wayne says that he hopes that the ambassador will have a candid conversation with him. The ambassador looks around for Allen Funt, but doesn’t see him. Wayne and Haig explain that Assad wants to renounce terrorism, and enter politics because there’s where the REAL money is. The ambassador thinks that Assad is right. That is where the money is. Lennox asks if Assad speaks for a lot of terrorist organizations, and whether or not those terrorist organizations would be willing to “go union”. The ambassador thinks so, and leaves.

9:24 am – Once again, they admit to themselves that Jack was RIGHT ALL ALONG. Lennox isn’t buying it, takes a play from the same cards Curtis has been reading from, and is against the whole thing.

9:25 am – Wayne calls Jack and admits, YES, Jack was right all along. Now he wants to talk to Assad, which appears to REALLY bum out Curtis, because HE’S never talked to the President before. Wayne wants to make an arrangement with Assad, and Assad says he doesn’t know a thing about flower arranging. Wayne tells him that he’ll give him a full pardon, as along as he keep following Fayed, pledges a commitment to a lasting peace, and that Assad will work to create a sequel to Deep Space Nine. Curtis catches the drift of this, and from the look on his face he’s a Babylon Five fan, and doesn’t like the arrangement Assad is getting AT ALL. Does the friction between Curtis and Assad… Could they have been dating Chloe too?

9:26 am – Sandra calls for Wayne, but Lennox takes the call instead. She starts making a political speech to Lennox too, but Lennox isn’t buying it either.

9:27 am – Back at the detention center, Walid meets the guy he helped in line that alludes to the fact that “they’ll pay”. Walid asks him if that means a nice dinner out later after they explain what happened.

9:30- am – Scott’s dad arrives at the Terrorist Warehouse, and immediately is taken hostage. Fayed takes Scott’s dad hostage, and after promising Scott’s dad that he’ll keep Scott alive, he promptly shows yet again he’s a bad guy by calling Ahmed and telling him to kill Scott. This is typical terrorist antisocial behavior.

Commercial

9:37 am – Wayne says Assad’s paperwork looks in order, and tells the attorney general to not shuffle the pages. Haig and Lennox come in and try and figure out the spin on giving Assad a pardon, and Wayne says it’s more like Twister.

9:39 am – In broad daylight, they go to surround Scott’s house. Jack’s going in alone!

9:39 am – It looks like Ahmed’s drugs are taking effect, because he’s zoning out. Ahmed starts playing “Ahmed says” with Scott, telling him to stand up, then to kneel down. Just as Ahmed is about to shoot, Curtis breaks through the door with one of his men, and with all kinds of shooting, everyone completely misses Ahmed, who goes running through the door. Someone shoots Ahmed who drops like a sack of terrorist falafel. Scott tells Jack the address that Ahmed gave his father. Jack calls CTU, and they go into Flank 2 position.

Commercial

9:48 am – At CTU, Chloe apologizes for only having satellite images of Fayed’s location from ten minutes ago. That slacker!

9:49 am – President Wayne is briefing everyone in the oval office to prepare for a really spectacular special effect in the Los Angeles area. Bill calls to tell him that the suitcase nuke might have been found, but that the images are ten minutes old.

9:50 am – Sandra goes to Walid, who tries to give her some information about words he heard which were said by some people he suspects are terrorists. It sounded something like “Ohwha tagoose iam”. She tries to blow him off, saying that the words he’s saying are a mid-eastern desert. Walid presses, and Sandra finally agrees to tell someone.

9:50 am – Jack carries in a special Get Out of Jail Free folder to Assad, with Curtis lurking in the background. Jack explains this to Curtis, and Curtis seems to accept this…. But not really, because he uses some really non-committal words.

9:51 am – Scott’s mom returns and talks to Jack. Chloe calls to tell Jack that Curtis has a history with Assad, and that Assad’s men took a squad that Curtis was in charge of hostage during the war, and beheaded a couple of his men. I think that qualifies as “has an issue”.

9:53 am – Assad signs the agreement, and leaves the house. Curtis follows. Jack goes running out of the house after Curtis, and Curtis has a gun on Assad! Jack gives plenty of chances for Curtis to put down the gun, but Curtis put his mad face on today and won’t listen to Jack. Jack shoots Curtis in the shoulder! Curtis looks at Jack like he can’t believe it! No perimeters for Curtis for a while! Who’s going to drive Jack around now? I think this is definitely going to put a strain on their relationship. UPDATE: Well, it turns out that it’s going to be a REALLY big strain on the relationship, because Curtis wasn’t shot in the shoulder, he was shot in the neck, and he’s dead, which wasn’t quite apparent when Curtis slumped over last night. This is going to put a severe dent in the Perimeter department at CTU.

9:54 am – That terrorist Jack ate a few hours ago must not have agreed with him because Jack throws up. Shooting Curtis probably had something to do with it too. Maybe it’s the eerie music with a woman moaning that’s doing it. Whatever it is, Jack calls Bill and tells him that he’s out. Bill says, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”. Jack replies that he’s not going to do this CTU stuff anymore. We can also see Jack’s finger makeup peeling.

9:56 am – Nadia calls Bill to tell him that Ahmed is free to make the next White Castle movie.

9:57 am – A lot of army guys that are playing extras on the show start to storm the Terrorist Warehouse, so we know this won’t end well because there are no “big name” actors with them. At first, things go pretty well, with a couple of terrorists getting wiped out right away. Unfortunately, things don’t go too well after that.

9:58 am – The terrorists detonate the nuclear device using the big silver denotation switch. Jack sees it go off, as does everyone in the White House. The property values in that part of town are going to go way down.

9:59 am – Nadia is able to translate the phrase the Walid heard…. It means “five visitors”! That means there are four more nukes out there! That means the spectacular special effect we just saw might happen several more times before the day is over.

10 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON 24: JACK SAYS HE’S BACK! MORE EXPLOSIONS! HOLLYWOOD AGENT LOOKING GUY IS BACK, AND JACK CONFRONTS HIM!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

I’m one of the many people that posts on the “24″ thread every week over on the Dave Barry blog, and I write summaries of the show while the show is playing and post them over there. (I’m the “Steve” that Dave refers to over in some of his posts. Since I have my own blog too, this is where I keep the archives of what I write over there.

Summary of “24″, Season 6, Episode 3

PREVIOUSLY ON 24, WE FOUND OUT THAT:

Terrorists taste like chicken; Some people that weren’t quite done moving out of their house are going to be surprised to find a dead terrorist with a really bad knee wound has messed up one of their chairs; Jack needs hand cream; you get about three seconds to kick a guy that’s about to explode off a subway car after he hits the “explode” button; and after five really bad days when he’s always been right, no one believes Jack when he tells them important news

The following summary occurred between 8 am and 9 am

8:00 am – After detonating the subway bomber and being blocks away, Jack just happens to be exactly in the right place for Assad to pick him up with the car Assad stole.

8:01 am – Fayed calls “The Handler” (the guy who escorted “The Bomber” to the subway), to tell him that plans have changed, and tells him to pick up a few things on the way back to the Terrorist Warehouse.

8:01 am – Bombs have gone off in St. Louis and L.A., and the authorities in St. Louis are asking if L.A. has any spare Jack Bauers they can have.

8:02 am – Fayed uses his super cell phone contract to contact President Wayne via CTU. Fayed demands 110 military combatants released and sent to Hollywood for immediate acceptance as “American Idol” contestants.

8:03 am – Jack notices that The Handler’s car is headed north, which is a bad thing because as we all know, there is absolutely no traffic north of L.A. Jack wants to call CTU for support. Assad finally agrees after Jack tells him that even if he were to go to prison, they have GOT to be better than prisons in China.

8:04 am – Milo tells Morris to look at the terrorist’s resumes in case one of them slips though the “American Idol” auditions, and Morris tells him that he would do it for “Dancing with the Stars”, but not “Idol”.

8:05 am – Jack calls Chloe and asks to talk to Bill. She puts him through, and Bill takes off his glasses because he can hear phone conversations better that way. Chloe tries to reposition a satellite for tracking, but they’re all busy with TV broadcasts of all the shows that have been on hiatus since the fall.

8:06 am – Curtis gets a call from Bill who tells him that Jack and Assad are working together. Curtis can’t quite believe it and asks Bill why the people in the field are always the last to know about things like this.

8:07 am – Jack demonstrates that when he needs an SUV, he’ll be willing to push a Yuppie to the ground to do it. He’s also willing to driving like a crazy maniac, which no one in L.A. seems to notice. Jack crashes right into the side of The Handler’s car, and starts to stage part one of “Changing Lanes” right there. The place they crash looks suspiciously like the area where Jack was chained to a grate earlier. Jack and The Handler start yelling at each other.

8:11 am – Assad gets out of another car, and everyone starts arguing with everyone else. Someone tells Jack that his mother shoots with 22 caliber bullets, and he gets upset and drives away. Assad convinces The Handler that he can take The Handler wherever he needs to go, and they drive off. Assad dials his phone so whatever he says can be heard.

8:12 am – Jack calls Bill and tells him to listen in on Assad’s one-sided phone conversation, and Bill tells him he has plenty of experience with that sort of thing after listening to Madam Haig…Or should I say, Mrs. Bill? Bill tells Chloe to inform Curtis of this change of plans, because he doesn’t want to get Curtis upset again.

8:13 am – Back at Terrorist Warehouse, Fayed is informed that the future “American Idol” contestants are going to be loaded onto buses soon. They still don’t have “The Component”, which Fayed says Ahmed is going to stop off at Best Buy to pick up.

8:14 am – Ahmed and Scott go back to Scott’s house, where Ahmed informs Scott’s family that he has no medical insurance and that he wants Scott’s mom (who just happens to be a nurse) to bandage him up. Ahmed informs them all that Scott’s dad is going to have to make a drop, since Ahmed took a coffee table to the leg last hour. Ahmed says if he sees police, FBI, or anyone from the set of “Harold and Kumar Go Back to White Castle For More Burgers”, Scott and his mom are dead.

Commercial

8:21 am – Chloe finds out Curtis is WAY behind, and is still five minutes away from getting to Jack. Morris and Chloe have a nerd fight, and Chloe wins when she tells Morris he has a character flaw. Morris goes off to check with the “24” writer’s to see what can be done about that after sending the files to Milo.

8:22 am – Haig fills in President Wayne on what Jack is up to. She also tells him that the bus tickets for the prisoners aren’t quite ready yet, but they will be soon, and they’ll be ready to get to the airfield soon.

8:23 am – Assad starts reading road signs to let the people listening on the phone where he is. This makes The Handler nervous, but Assad says not to worry because he picked up that habit by reading Burma Shave signs when he was a kid, and he never broke the habit.

8:24 am – Curtis finally meets Jack. Curtis hands Jack a Babelfish that Jack puts into his ear. (Curtis, by the way, makes it there one minute ahead of schedule). Things are again right with the world: Curtis is driving Jack around, chasing terrorists.

8:25 am – Curtis calls Bill at CTU, and Bill tells them he’s going to authorize their radios to get subscriptions to XM radio. He’s also going to download some satellite information about Assad’s to their GPS.

8:26 am – Curtis nervously says that he hopes Jack can forgive him for that whole, “driving you over to be handed over to terrorists so you can be killed” thing, and laughs nervously. Jack looks like he wants to slap Curtis in the forehead, but restrains himself. Curtis presses on and asks Jack what it feels like to work with a terrorist like Assad who has killed a lot of people, and “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” Jack’s not sure, but it seems like Curtis really wants to use the words “Make My Day” when he sees Assad.

8:27 am – Over at Scott’s house, Ahmed asks for something stronger than Flintstone’s Chewable vitamins for the pain he’s having. Scott’s mom says she keeps all her really strong drugs in the cabinet over the TV, just in case she accidentally dials in and sees “Dr. Phil”. Ahmed tells Scott to go get the drugs and a glass of water, which Scott jumps up to do, but is disappointed when Ahmed says HE wants them for himself.

8:27 am – Scott gets everything. While he’s filling the glass, he sees a knife sitting in the sink, which he grabs and hides. He gives Ahmed the drugs and water, but he can’t quite bring himself to stab Ahmed with the knife. Scott’s mom looks like she wishes that Scott hung around with a tougher crowd at school.

Commercial

8:32 am – Lots of prisoners, who are dressed up as if they’re going to go deer hunting, are lined up in front of buses, while President Wayne watches on the President’s Channel. The prisoners don’t look too excited, so I don’t think anyone’s told them they’re going to be on “American Idol” soon.

8:33 am – Tom Lennox enters the room to tell Wayne that his sister Sandra is going to add to today’s problems by getting arrested by the FBI. She’s been taken to a provisional facility, which is where they keep provisions.

8:34 am – At the provisional facility, which looks like a boarded up version of Sunnydale High School, Sandra and Walid are unloaded from the car and brought inside. Walid is taken away. One of the agents hands Sandra a phone, and says, “For you”. She looks surprised at this nice gift, and answers the phone.

8:35 am – Wayne takes time out of his busy day, and tries to reason with Sandra, and they both go into highly political speeches. Wayne hangs up, and Sandra stomps off to talk to the agent that gave her the cell phone. She’s really mad because she found out that she got set up with a 30 minute per month plan. The agent doesn’t want to hear anything from her, and tells her that it’s too late since she already accepted the phone. Sandra is released and stomps off, but dumps the phone.

8:36 am – One of the soldiers looking after the prisoners at the provisional facility says that they have to take off their clothes, have a cavity search, and then they’ll get back their clothes. The prisoners look pretty upset that their dentist would treat them like this. One of the prisoners doesn’t like this too much, and decides to fight back. Walid tries to stick up for the guy but doesn’t get back in line, so they decide to use that stick on Walid instead.

Commercial

8:41 am – Assad’s driving around with The Handler still, and The Handler asks to be dropped off. Nobody notices there are two pitch black SUVs that have been following them. The Handler gets out of the car.

8:42 am – WE HAVE A PERIMETER FOR CURTIS! AND AS A SPECIAL BONUS, IT IS A MOVING PERIMETER! Even so, Curtis gives Assad the evil eye when he meets him. Curtis pulls rank and tells his men to search Assad, and won’t even listen to Jack! (Is this the first time he’s done that?)

8:43 am – Jack explains to Assad that this is all part of a CTU hazing ritual, and that Curtis is a lovable guy once you get to know him. Finding no phasers on Assad, they go to Curtis’ car.

8:44 am – The Handler goes to a “You Store It” storage warehouse that has no outer fence or guards watching anything, and opens the door to one of the storage garages while armed CTU agents walk across the top of the metal warehouse buildings without making any noise. It’s full of explosives in crates.

8:45 am – Jack says that The Handler hasn’t taken them to Fayed. Bill tells Jack that he has to run in there and start interrogating the guy right away. Jack turns him down! (Is that the first time he’s done that?? Lots of “firsts” tonight). Jack thinks this is too “risky”.

8:46 am – The Handler opens one of the boxes, and pulls out a Windows laptop, which we know all the bad guys on “24” use. Maybe this guy is really smuggling laptops. He FINALLY hears someone on one of the metal rooftops, and goes to grab his briefcase and pulls out a gun. He starts firing, and so does everyone else. Fortunately, none of the
crates reacts like any other crate of explosives in any movie before this because they don’t blow up. Curtis finally shoots the guy, who does what any terrorist would do, and pulls out a hand grenade from nowhere and rolls it six inches from his hand. The warehouse blows up, and only takes one other storage unit with it. I bet those people don’t have “We Have Stuff Next to a Terrorist’s Storage Unit” insurance. The rest of the storage units are made of anti-explosive material, and don’t blow up. Jack has a burnt up hard drive that he’s recovered.

8:47 am – President Wayne watches “Releasing the Prisoners – A Documentary” on TV, but doesn’t look happy about it. Bill calls President Wayne and tells him The Handler decided to explode, and that they have almost a 100% chance that they won’t be able to find Fayed, if you don’t count Jack, in which case there’s almost a 100% chance they will. Wayne gets off the phone with Bill, and tells Lennox that the prisoners are free to go to their “American Idol” auditions. They start loading prisoners on to the plane from the buses… including a red head? Did they just load Naomi Judd on the plane?? Don’t they know Simon doesn’t like country music?

8:48 am – Back at Terrorist Warehouse, one of the Terrorist Lackeys tells Fayed that the president has given in, and that the prisoners are being loaded onto the plane. Fayed slaps his forehead and says that he forget to demand that all the prisoners get special meals, but definitely not Kosher meals.

Commercial

8:53 am – Scott’s dad takes the package to an seemingly empty office. He finds a guy there who opens the package. The package is full of realistic looking money. The guy doesn’t think it’s enough realistic looking money, and tells Scott’s dad to get more. Scott’s dad says he doesn’t know where to get more realistic looking money on such short notice. Scott’s Dad calls Ahmed, and Ahmed says he doesn’t have any realistic looking money either, and that there might some realistic looking problems waiting at home if Scott’s Dad doesn’t bring back the item.

8:54 am – Scott’s dad asks to see “The Item”, which looks like an AM/FM radio with the front cover taken off of it. Scott’s dad grabs a lamp and bashes the guy over the head with it, and being that it’s his first bludgeoning, he doesn’t get it quite right. A fight ensues, and Scott’s dad finally figures out the whole bashing thing and kills the guy.

8:57 am – Chloe, through the magic computer she has, is able to access the burnt up hard drive remotely, and tells Jack that the guy has a portion of a screenplay he was writing on the drive, which figures because everyone in LA is working on a screenplay. She was also able to find a couple of pages in Arabic. Jack asks Assad what the plans are for, and after looking at it, they figure out that it is a nuclear device schematic, since it has a big nuclear symbol on it.

8:58 am – After some quick checking, it turns out that they guy Fayed wants is one of the prisoners who is a nuclear scientist. In thirty seconds, Chloe is able to match a guy who they already have in custody, but who is being released right at this very moment. Fayed did all these bombings so this prisoner would be released. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that someone should have checked this before Chloe. Oh, and that Chloe is WAY underpaid?

8:59 am – A couple of army guys, with guns, get on the plane, and ask to for Prisoner Namir. Every single prisoner raises his hand. They finally go down the line looking for him. Well, it’ll be a while before they realize he’s not there, because it turns out that the guy they’re looking for was hiding in the bus bathroom, and that one of the guards is in on the whole thing. The scientist they’re looking for escapes.

9:00 am – Time’s up!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

I’m one of the many people that posts on the “24” thread every week over on the Dave Barry blog, and I write summaries of the show while the show is playing and post them over there. (I’m the “Steve” that Dave refers to over in some of his posts. Since I have my own blog too, this is where I keep the archives of what I write over there.

Summary of “24”, Season 6, Episode 2

Previously on 24: They show us clips of things we just watched.

The following summary occurred between 7 am and 8 am

7:00 am – Fayed’s men are looking for him in the sewers, and one of them really wants to get out of there because of the American sewer alligators he’s heard about. Jack makes it outside!

7:01 am – Back at CTU, Milo is with Morris trying to bring up the latest videos from YouTube, but it’s restricted access, so they start looking for Assad elsewhere. Milo says, “If we can’t find Assad, Jack bought the farm for nothing”. Morris thinks that’s a pretty good deal on farmland, but Chloe tells Milo to shut up.

7:02 am – Jack grabs a handy can of paint and a handy car and a handy cell phone and calls Bill at CTU. Jack’s voice seems to be back. Jack tells Bill that Assad is the wrong target, and to call off the airstrike. Bill doesn’t seem to be convinced, despite the numerous times Jack has been right in the past. They call President Wayne. Wayne starts to apologize AGAIN, and Jack tells him that he has to stop the bombings. Everyone nearly simultaneously says, “Well, I don’t know….”. Have these people NOT seen Jack in action?

7:06 am – Haig doesn’t believe Jack, and of course, Janosz is all for killing Assad too, because he just wants to see more people killed. We get a shot of what one of Jack’s hands looks like, and Jack really really needs some skin cream. Jack drives off after typing latitude and longitude coordinates into the handy cell phone he found in the car. I bet the owner of that phone is going to get a BIG long distance bill next month. “But, I never called the White House!”

7:08 am – Fayed calls Ahmed, asking if he has “the package”. Ahmed says he doesn’t have “the package”. He’s at “a neighbor’s house”. Fayed doesn’t recognize this code word, and Ahmed tells him that he really is at a neighbor’s house. Fayed tries to guilt Ahmed into leaving.

7:09 am – Amhed leaves the house and his friend goes after him. Ahmed gets a serious and “foreshadowy” look on his face saying things like, “The world has been a crazy place for a long time, you just haven’t been paying attention”. Boo scary.

7:10 am – Back at CTU, they’re watching helicopters zero in on Assad’s location. They have it patched in at the White House too, but not until they realize they were watching a video game contest on G4, and had to switch the channels.

7:11 am – Jack arrives at Assad’s location, way ahead of the helicopters and tries to figure out where Assad might be. Jack takes out a terrorist lackey with a big stick. Then he grabs another terrorists just as the terrorist goes out the back door. They both go inside.

7:12 am – Jack pulls out his gun, and Assad pulls out his gun, and they play the equivalent of a staring contest with guns while Jack explains while he’s there.

7:13 am – Jack realizes that the transponder that Fayed was talking about must been on one of the terrorist lackeys. Assad tells him that they’ve already checked everyone’s shoes as per airport security regulations, and none of them have a transponder. Jack tells Assad that it must be in one of their pockets. Jack puts down his gun!

7:14 am – One of the guys tries to make a break for it, and Assad finds a transponder on him. Jack gives Assad, a “See? I told you!” look, and Jack, Transponder Terrorist and Assad run out of the house seconds before the helicopters blow it up.

Commercial

7:19 am – Walid Al-Rezani is talking to some FBI agents about the Islamic-American Alliance they’re standing in. The FBI agents don’t have a warrant, and an attorney asks them to leave before she gets them on the cutting edge of legal technology. And, it turns out that the attorney is Wayne’s sister, Sandra.

7:21 am – Sandra complains about the FBI to Wayne, and she goes into a very transparent political speech for a while. Sandra and Walid kiss after the phone call.

7:22 am – Bill calls Palmer with the news that Assad is still alive, which upsets pretty much everyone. Wayne asks Janosz, who seems to be going under the name, “Tom”, what Assad’s next move will be. Tom says that considering that he just had the greatest victory of his life by evading complete destruction by some military helicopters, it’s likely he’s going to Disney World, but that he thinks the attacks will continue.

7:25 am – Fayed gets out at a terrorist warehouse where they’re strapping high explosives to a terrorist lackey, who asks why the guys in charge are never the people that blow themselves up, but everyone ignores him while Fayed makes a speech about devotion.

Commercial

7:31 am – Jack is still running around with Assad and the guy that was carrying the transponder, and they run into a house where someone just pulled away with a moving truck that was half empty, even though the house still has some things in it, including a very symbolic American flag that someone is very patriotically using as a window shade. Assad explains that with Fayed out of the way, Mid-East states can negotiate peace with the West. Seeing the scars on Jack’s back stops him in his tracks. Jack sees this, gets all shy, and leaves the room.

7:32 am – Chloe grabs a picture from a satellite, and sees Jack in the picture with Assad, in a realistic stop motion definitely not Photoshop-ed picture. She shows it to Bill, and Bill tells her to keep it quiet. She explains that pictures don’t talk, but that movies do, but Bill has already left her desk.

7:33 am – Assad finds some car keys, and tells everyone to go to the bathroom because when they leave they’re not going to stop. When Jack tries to convince him that going to CTU would be a good idea, Assad does a great Jack impression and tells Jack that he’s going to do this on “his terms”.

7:34 am – Transponder Terrorist wakes up and Jack grabs him by the throat, which isn’t good because Jack looks hungry still. Transponder Terrorist doesn’t say a thing about where Fayed is and Jack grabs a handy dandy pen and shoves it into the guy’s back, which is clearly going to hurt. They guy still doesn’t know, and Jack stops. Assad doesn’t understand why Jack stopped, and Jack tells him because the guy doesn’t know… “I can see it in his eyes”. Assad thinks he can tell that Transponder Terrorist’s knees know something because he shoves a knife in them. Transponder Terrorists says, “Oh THAT Fayed!” and spills his guts. Jack stops for a moment, and looks as though he thinks he’s losing his touch. Assad thanks Transponder Terrorist for telling him everything, pulls out the knife from his knee and plants it into his stomach. Yuck!

7:36 am – Assad tells Jack that since all his men are dead, Jack has to help him find Fayed. Jack tells him that “I don’t know how to do this anymore”. Assad says, “You’ll remember. Come on, it’s like riding a bike!”, and leaves.

Commercial

7:41 am – Back at the Islamic-American Alliance, the FBI is back with their warrant. Sandra tries some legal mumbo-jumbo on the FBI, but it doesn’t work. She directs them to the room with the files, and goes on another computer to delete all the files. The guy looking for the files, and one of the FBI guys tells them they really shouldn’t be using Windows for something like this. Sandra comes back in the room and says that the files area erased, and they arrest her and Walid. You would think they have backups.

7:44 am – Back at Ahmed’s place, Ahmed breaks apart a wall to get a package out of it, voiding any deposit he might have had if that house was rented. One of the guys that tried to beat him up is back and starts beating Ahmed up, throwing him all over the place. Ahmed finds a gun, and shoots the guy dead (as opposed to shooting him alive).

7:46 am – Ahmed’s friend, who we finally find out is named Scott, comes in, sees everything. Scott tries to get Ahmed to call 911, but Ahmed pulls the gun out again, and gets a scary look on his face again as he explains how to pronounce his name. This guy is REALLY serious about how his name is pronounced.

Commercial

7:50 am – Assad and Jack are on stake-out. Assad points out a couple of Fayed’s men wearing suits. One of them is the guy that has the explosive vest. Assad and Jack agree that this will really tear up the suit he’s wearing, so they go after him into the subway.

7:51 am – Assad explains bombing protocol to Jack, telling him that one guy is going to get on the subway car, and the other guy is going to be the one that leads them back to Fayed. Jack goes after the guy on the subway car.

7:53 am – Assad follows the other guy, who calls Fayed to ask him if he wants anything from McDonald’s on his way back.

7:54 am – Back on the subway car, a ticket taker asks Jack for a ticket, and Jack scares the snot out of the guy by telling him what is going on.

7:55 am – The bomber notices that the ticket taker started sweating a LOT and keeps looking at him, so he tries to detonate the bomb. Jack grabs the bomber’s hands, kicks him around a bit, and just as the guy is about to press the button, Jack kicks him out the door just as he explodes, leaving one less terrorist for Jack to deal with. Jack hits the emergency break button, and jumps off the subway car.

7:57 am – The handler guy calls Fayed, and tells him that there is distinct terrorist-related smoke that’s four blocks away from where they wanted it to be.

7:58 am – More dead people on TV, and Tom is trying to make President Wayne feel better by telling him the bombings were planned WAY in advance, which doesn’t seem to give Wayne all that much consolation. Haig comes into the room and tells Wayne that Fayed is behind everything, and they start telling each other that Jack was right all along.

7:59 am – Jack gets a phone call from Assad, who is still following the handler.

8:00 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: FAYED GETS WAYNE’S PHONE NUMBER! FAYED WANTS GUYS IN ORANGE JUMPSUITS! JACK SAYS HE CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! SOMETHING HAPPENS THAT MAKES JACK GET A REALLY HORRIFIED LOOK ON HIS FACE!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

I’m one of the many people that posts on the “24” thread every week over on the Dave Barry blog, and I write summaries of the show while the show is playing and post them over there. (I’m the “Steve” that Dave refers to over in some of his posts. Since I have my own blog too, this is where I keep the archives of what I write over there.

Summary of “24”, Season 6, Episode 1

The following summary takes place between 6 am and 7 am

6 am – Lots of news broadcasts talking about bombings. The news broadcasters say they don’t want to start a witch-hunt, but if anyone sees someone that weighs the same as a duck, it has to be reported immediately.

6:01 am – An Arabic man tries to get on a bus, but the nervous bus driver seems to want to be an extra in future episodes, so he doesn’t let him on. The man is very upset, but gets slightly less upset when someone with an explosive MP3 player blows up that very same bus, after seeing a light in a window from a building in the distance. L.A. is going to need a new bus too.

6:02 am – JANOSZ (the guy in Ghostbusters 2) with a very weird accent, even for him, is questioning Madam Haig. Haig is very upset about her new haircut, and the fact that Janosz wants to lock up Muslims. They turn and we see President WAYNE!

6:03 am – Haig tells Wayne that 23 people blew up in the bus. Wayne looks at a folder, and we see that JULIAN BASHIR from Star Trek Deep Space Nine is the one that is probably behind all the bombing attacks! A member of congress in the background wants to start an investigation about why bus manufacturers are making explosive buses. Haig said he beamed down to the United States three days ago. They all think that by phasering Julian, there’s a pretty good chance all the bombings that have been happening in the US will stop.

6:04 am – First look at CTU, and Milo and Morris are arguing about whether or not Morris will be selling ladies shoes again, because he hasn’t been putting cover sheets on his CTU reports.

6:05 am – Chloe is looking very stylish, and Morris even calls her a “hottie”. (Morris is her ex-husband). Chloe gets a weird message about having to set up a channel to Homeland Security, but needs clearance. Nadia, who appears to be her boss, says “Consider yourself clear”. I had no idea Chloe was a Scientologist.

6:06 am – Somehow they’ve figured out where Julian is hiding, and when Chloe finishes twenty questions with Nadia, we find out that they got Jack out of the Chinese prison! The president got Jack out two days prior, which you would think would be pretty big news around CTU.

6:07 am – Bill is going to meet Jack at Camp Magu. Lots of army guys run up to an army transport plane, and Jack gets off the plane! Jack has a beard and raggy clothes. The Chinese envoy tells Bill that Jack hasn’t spoken in two years, and Bill tells him that’s because Jack doesn’t speak any Chinese.

6:09 am – Curtis takes Jack to a dark room with a small bright light that shines on Jack, which you would think would be the last thing that Jack would want to see after seeing the same thing during interrogations for the last two years. I guess they’re trying to make him feel comfortable. Bill tells Jack that President Wayne wants to see him personally.

6:10 am – Bill tells Jack that Julian, who goes by the name Assad here on Earth, has been exploding buses, people and small furry animals all over the place. One of Assad’s men has struck a deal to hand over Assad as soon as Jack is dead. The guy’s name is Abu Fayed. These guys really know how to turn Jack’s really great day into a really bad day. They tell Jack that as soon as they had Jack over, Jack will be on his own. Jack’s day just got much worse.

6:12 am – Now, the very first word out of Jack’s mouth, the very first one is Audrey! I think they must have used it as a torture device. Bill tells him that Audrey and Kim don’t know that he’s back, and that Audrey went to a failed series on another network. Jack asks that it be kept that way (He doesn’t want to see Audrey either).

6:13 am – Jack asks to freshen up a bit, and asks for the powder room. He looks in the mirror, says “Candyman” three times, but nothing happens, so that plan is out. Jack starts to change clothes.

Commercial

6:19 am – Haig gets a phone call from Bill, and he tells her that it’s much worse than he expected: Jack asked for Audrey. YOW! Haig looks at a ring on her finger! She’s engaged to Bill! She says that she wishes she could go on stakeout with Bill right now, but can’t because of this whole “Turn Jack over to the Terrorists” thing. They both say they miss each other, which must be some kind of friendly shooting range lingo at CTU. He says they have to drop off Jack with the terrorists, and then he’ll swing buy and pick up the groceries.

6:20 am – Chloe watches the news as they tell everyone that they’ve raised the terror alert level up to “Super Red”, since it was just “Red” before. Chloe asks Nadia why she can’t get ahold of Bill or Curtis, since they are picking up Jack. Nadia isn’t talking. Chloe pulls out the Geek Knives and tells Nadia that she’ll call division and tell everyone about the time that Nadia left the Jarvis firewall unsecured; Nadia says that she only left open port 80, and 8080 so she could try out the new Tomcat beta, but Chloe isn’t buying it. Nadia tells Chloe about Fayed’s demands, one of which is Jack. Nadia explains that Jack shot Fayed’s brother in the thighs in Lebanon, and Fayed’s brother died.

6:23 am – Just to make it extra hard to get Jack back, CTU gave Fayed radio frequencies, satellite frequencies, and all the car alarms for everyone at CTU. They’ll know if anyone is coming for Jack. Chloe wants to call Haig and Wayne about this situation, but they already know. Chloe looks like someone hit her with a taser – completely stunned.

6:24 am – Curtis and Bill are driving Jack to the drop location. Jack has either forgotten that he’s not supposed to keep the top button of his shirt buttoned if he’s not wearing a tie, or is disguised as a nerd. Wayne calls Bill to talk to Jack, and tries to explain the situation. Jack looks like he doesn’t want to keep getting reminded by everyone that he’s the one being sacrificed.

6:28 am – Haig confronts Janosz. Janosz has started to set up detention centers in several cities, and he explains that they aren’t detention centers… they’re sports camps! Haig isn’t buying it.

6:28 am – Curtis, Bill, and Jack are out in a canal somewhere in LA, and Bill gets a phone call from Fayed telling him that he wants Jack in a party dress and hat. Bill says he forgot those, so Fayed relents and tells him to just handcuff Jack to the grate on the wall. Jack looks at Bill and tells him, “Today I can die for something. My way, my choice”. That’s our Jack. Twenty-three and a half hours more tell me that Jack isn’t going without a fight.

Commercial

6:36 am – A couple watching TV argue about sending their kid to school, a kid that has the same hairstyle as Derek, the kid from last season. A neighbor across the street is being arrested by the FBI, and Kumar from “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” comes running out of the house. A couple of guys chase Kumar, who’s name here is Ahmed, into his house. The father from across the street comes running over, and tells the guys that just because Ahmed made a bad movie once, it’s no reason to try and beat him up. The father convinces Ahmed to stay with them.

6:39 am – Bill calls Nadia to coordinate a military attack when they figure out where Assad is. Nadia tells Bill that Chloe found out about Jack. It doesn’t occur to either of them that Chloe might be up to something.

6:41 am – Morris comes over to Chloe, and tries to help by hacking into a Uzbekistan satellite. I’m beginning to see why these two like each other so much.

6:42 am – The terrorists just happen to have exactly the same handcuff keys that Bill had for the special CTU handcuffs they used on Jack. They use them to get Jack out of the handcuffs and take him into a terrorist brand van where they knock him out.

6:43 am – They have some pretty good computer guys on the terrorist side this time, because one of them figured out that one of the Uzbek satellites seems to be watching Fayed’s exact location. Fayed doesn’t believe it, and thinks it might be part of some DirectTV promotion, but is finally convinced.

6:44 am – Fayed calls CTU and gives them 30 seconds to redirect the satellite Morris tuned in on them. Morris finally redirects the satellite at the last possible second to heighten the dramatic effect, and now Fayed says he’ll have to “think about” giving them Assad’s location. Nadia picks up the phone, says something in Arabic, and Fayed hangs up.

6:46 am – Bill heard what happened, tells Chloe that they might have just sacrificed Jack for nothing, and they both put on their really sad faces.

Commercial

6:52 am – Bill has to make a phone call to Haig that he wasn’t able to pick up the groceries, that they should go out to dinner when she gets back that night, and that Chloe and Morris might have jeopardized the entire plan by aiming a satellite at Fayed. Haig pulls out her angry eyes and really yells at Bill.

6:53 am – At terrorist headquarters, they drag Jack into a room where it looks like they’re going to do some really yucky medical experiments on Jack. They hook him up to a heart monitor. Fayed knifes Jack right in the shoulder and pours light beer on Jack’s wound, making Jack scream like anyone would in the same situation.

6:54 am – For the second time, Jack tells Fayed to call CTU with the information about Assad, and it turns out that Assad isn’t the real wacko of this whole thing… Fayed is. So this whole thing with Assad won’t matter. Fayed has become addicted to blowing things up, and is going to continue no matter what happens to Assad. Assad is coming to STOP the attacks and to stop Fayed. Fayed says Jack will die for nothing.

6:57 am – Fayed calls Bill and tells him that Assad’s location is at latitude 9 6 7, longitutde 5 3 0 9. Morris tries to comfort Chloe by telling her that Jack won’t have died for nothing, and whispers some bytecodes into her ear.

6:58 am – Fayed nearly cuts of Jack’s finger when he gets an important phone call. It turns out Ahmed (Kumar, remember?) is working with Fayed! He wants to exact revenge on Hollywood for that movie! Ahmed tells Fayed that his father was picked up by the FBI. Turns out that Kumar’s father isn’t the guy the FBI wanted…it’s Ahmed!

6:59 am – Jack shakes his heart monitor loose, and a terrorist lackey comes over to check on it. Jack recreates his role as one of “The Lost Boys” and bites the guy right in the neck. He pulls the keys off the dead guy. Jack escapes! He’s hiding under a grate!

7:00 am – Time’s up!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!