24: The Next Day – 7 am to 8 am

You think we’d let a little thing like the season finale of “24” get in the way of blogging what happened the very next hour AFTER the finale? Ha! Then you don’t know the people that blog over on Dave Barry’s Blog very well. You can read the entire thread here, meanwhile, here’s my synopsis of what …er…probably happened.


The following takes place between 7 am and 8 am

7:00 am – Curtis arrives at CTU. After searching for Chloe and most importantly Jack, he realizes that someone must have taken them hostage, but he has no idea where they are, and he dashes out to his to look for them.

7:02 – Mrs. Manilow watches as Manilow drives away in his limousine, and turns to “high five” Cheney Looking Guy (CLG). CLG doesn’t realize this is coming, and when she slaps him straight in the center of his face, CLG falls over.

7:03 – Jack, very strategically, remains passed out in the middle of a dark room aboard the ship.

7:04 – Audrey confronts one of the CTU agents about Jack’s whereabouts, and CTU agent tells her he has no idea where Jack is. Audrey bursts into tears. The CTU agent backs up slowly and tells her he’ll try and find out what happened. He turns around and runs.

7:06 – Scary Shari exits the computer room at CTU, and goes back to her workstation. She looks around, and decides it’s safe to continue her solitaire game.

7:07 – Chloe, on her way home, stops at a gas station. She looks around, leans in close to the gas pump, and presses several buttons on the key pad. The gas pump price resets to 25 cents, and Chloe starts to pump gas.

7:08 – On a hunch, Curtis sets up a perimeter at the nearest McDonald’s.

7:09 – Miles is yelling into his cell phone and pulls rank on the secret service agent on the phone, telling him that he’s number two at CTU. The secret service agent on the other end tells Miles that he completely believes that. Then he tells Miles that Manilow is under investigation, and they’re looking for an unnamed accomplice. Miles screams like a little girl and drops the phone.

7:10 – As a Chinese agent peers into a door’s window on the ship, Jack, appearing to be completely passed out still, rolls over with his back after from the window.

7:11 – A convenience store.

7:12 – Chloe, driving home, realizes it’s a bit odd that there are no cars on the roads anywhere. She hits a button on her dashboard, and we see every traffic light on the road she’s driving on turn to green exactly at the same time.

Commercial

7:17 – A maintenance man empties trashcans around CTU. He accidentally brushes Scary Shari’s shoulder while trying to reach for her trashcan, and she screams at him, saying that she’ll sue for harassment! The maintenance man runs off.

7:19 – Curtis drives off from the McDonald’s, all the Egg McMuffins completely secured. He tries again to reach Jack on the his cell phone, but can’t reach him. Curtis calls Bill’s cell phone.

7:22 – Audrey realizes that she can try and call Jack. She dials the number, just as her cell phone runs out of battery. Audrey bursts into tears.

7:23 – The Chinese guard, sensing that something is not quite right, opens the door to the room they’ve been keeping Jack in and goes in. Just as he reaches Jack, Jack rolls over, trips the guard, knocking him unconscious. Jack very professionally continues to be asleep.

7:25 – Bill’s cell phone rings, and it’s Curtis. Bill realizes that something is wrong, mainly because Curtis tells him that something is wrong. Bill tries to call Jack, and gets the message “The customer you are trying to reach is on a boat headed to China. We can connect you for a charge of $52.23 per minute.”. Bill is amazed at this price, and can’t believe the cell phone company is offering him a discount rate, and decides to make the call.

7:28 – Miles, in a complete panic, heads back to CTU.

Commercial

7:34 – A second Chinese guard goes past the room where Jack is being held, and sees that the first Chinese guard is on the floor. He grabs Jack and drags him out into the hallway of the ship. Jack takes this opportunity to sleep some more.

7:35 – Bill reaches Jack’s cell phone! But it’s only a message: “Hi, this is Jack. I’m out of range right now. If this is a terrorist emergency, please press one. If you’d like a bomb disarmed, please press two. If you’d like someone’s thigh shot, please press three. If you have any other needs, please press four, and you’ll be connected to someone that can help you.”.

7:36 – Miles reaches CTU. The guard there has no idea who he is. He shows them his ID card, and the guard tells him that the last time someone showed him an ID card like that, they came into CTU and set off a gas canister, and he’s not going to let THAT happen again.

7:38 – Bill presses “4”. Chloe’s cell phone rings just as she arrives in front of her house, and she answers. Bill quickly explains that Jack is missing, and they need her help. Chloe runs inside her house.

7:40 – Commercial

7:45 – The Chinese guard that has Jack drags him into the top deck of the boat. Another guard is out on deck, smoking a cigarette. He sees the guard dragging Jack, goes to help. He grabs Jack’s arm. Out of pure instinct, Jack’s elbow smashes the guy right in the face. The guy drops his cigarette, and it rolls down the deck. Strange foreshadowing music plays.

7:47 – Audrey sees a pay phone, and runs for it. She digs in her purse, trying to find enough money to make a phone call. She realizes she has none, and bursts into tears.

7:49 – Chloe runs towards the front door of her house and we hear “Chloe identified”, and the doors open by themselves. Chloe yells “Chloe ID: 4 8 15 16 23 42″, and the whole wall of her living room swings around to reveal a really, really big computer.

7:51 – The guards on deck start hitting Jack, while Jack continues to be completely passed out, waiting for his big chance. The cigarette that fell to the ground earlier rolls towards some large leaking gas canisters that were there by an obvious plot device.

7:53 – Scary Shari, obviously distraught, goes into the lady’s room to freshen up. She goes to wash her hands, and sees her reflection in the mirror. She sees her hand touching her other hand, looks straight into the mirror, and decides she’s going to sue herself for harassment.

7:54 – Audrey sees a squirrel. Audrey bursts into tears.

7:55 – Madam Haig calls Bill asks him if anyone at CTU called someone to tell them the curfew in LA was over.

7:56 – Miles tries to storm past the guards, and they taser him.

7:57 – Chloe hits a big red button on her computer console, one labeled “In Case of Jack Going Missing At The End Of An Episode”. Immediately, the computer screen switches to an overhead shot of Jack being beaten up on the deck of the Chinese ship.

7:58 – The gas canisters aboard the ship explode, knocking everyone off their feet. In another obvious plot device, Jack – still passed out – falls into a life boat attached to the side of the main boat. Another explosion. Then another. Then several more just to prove that there are a lot of explosions going on. Jack’s boat is throw off and away from the main boat by the force of the explosions. The last thing we see is Jack fast asleep in the life boat as the last of the Chinese boat sinks.

7:59 – Jack wakes up, and wonders where the heck he is.

8:00 – Time’s up!

24: 5 am to 7 am

The season finale is finally here. As you may know, I post over on Dave Barry’s Blog, and here’s what I posted tonight. I’d like to thank Dave and Judi for letting me post these things over on his blog, and participate along with everyone else over there. It’s a lot of fun!

Dave wrote the following:

Whatever happens tonight, I want to thank all of you who have participated in the 24 effort this year — especially the commenters, and especially the amazing Steve and his amazing plot summaries.

I believe that, together, we have demonstrated the true potential of the Internet. Any day now they’re going to shut this thing down.

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The following takes place between 5 am and 6 am

5:00 am – A dead guard is guarding the outside of the sub while the Impeccable English Speaking Terrorist (IEST) pulls off his mask to reveal that he’s disguising himself as the dog on the Our Gang comedies, using a circle around his eye. His plan, to hit all the major banking, industrial and ESPECIALLY the writers of this hour of 24. He’s lecturing all the guys that are with him…. who look like they’ve heard this all a million times before.

5:01 – Audrey has instant messaging, with WAY too many friends on it, meaning more than just Jack. She messages an Admiral to let him know Russians have taken over the submarine, and single-handedly convinces him that they have to scramble the jets. The Admiral tells her he doesn’t have that many eggs, and it could take a while.

5:02 – Jack’s ready to shoot at some boxes if they move. He sneaks up near the sub, tells CTU what’s going on. CTU tells him they don’t have enough time to wait for the jets because scrambling takes a long time and they don’t want runny jets because they’ll drip over everything. Robocop spots a signal tube beacon, meaning that someone on board that sub is GREAT at holding their breath. Jack tells Chloe to listen for signals from the ship.

5:03 – Robocop wants to make sure that Jack is going to let him go at the end of all this, and to be SURE that Jack won’t shoot his wife’s other thigh. Jack agrees. Robocop wants a gun, and Jack points and laughs at him.

5:04 – Survivor on board! It turns out they’re doing a cross promotion with CBS, and the final survivor appears to be on board the submarine in the most challenging reward challenge yet. Chloe patches him through to Jack.

5:05 – Officer Tim’s on board. He looks about 12 years old, and he tells Jack he knows all about subs from his science class. Officer Tim was surfing the Internet below deck when the alarms went off, and now he’s concerned he has to run this whole sub by himself. He also asks for his Mommy.

5:06 – Jack tells Officer Tim to arm himself (which is always a bad sign for secondary characters in this show), and tells Tim to kill the bad guy he sees. Tim says he’s an engineer, not trained for that, and besides it would be really “icky and stuff”. Jack convinces him to do it by telling Tim they have one of the missiles aimed at Sesame Street.

5:09 – Robocop whines some more about getting a gun, and Jack gives him one.

5:09 – Back at Handbag headquarters, Cheney Looking Guy gives Manilow that bad news: There are still two hours left in the show. That, and the Russians have a submarine with 12 warheads on it. Manilow asks how this can happen, and CLG explains that if it had been on a naval base, nothing exciting would have happened in the show for at least another forty minutes.

5:10 – Mrs. Manilow is making a secret phone call to Aaron, while she’s spying on Manilow and CLG. They’re discussing ways they can get off the show sooner, but Aaron says there appears to be no way out.

5:11 – Chloe, who has access to the exact missile launch times but NOT the shutdown switch for the missiles themselves tells Jack they’re going to have a major plot point in about 9 minutes and 39 seconds. Officer Tim’s back on the phone with Jack, and gives Tim detailed instructions about how to really give the bad guy a very very gravelly singing voice. Jack finally convinces him of doing it by telling him this guy could be the next guy on American Idol. In a really gruesome scene, Tim proves that he’s REALLY not good at killing bad guys quickly.

5:12 – Jack shoots some bad guys! Only 12 minutes in! We’re so proud of Jack. Tim opens the hatch just as the sub makes some definitely Robocop-sounding noises. Chloe tells Jack that really had things are just about to happen with those missiles, like explosions.

5:13 – Jack goes down into the sub to meet Tim. Clearly thinking ahead, Jack makes Tim lead them further into the sub. (This is one of the things they teach you in CTU school. Always make the OTHER guy go first, just in case there is a trap).

5:14 – Jack tells Tim to create a diversion, and to NOT try and shoot everyone in sight when he gets there.

5:15 – Impeccable English Speaking Terrorist wants to toss a missile into San Francisco at a restaurant where a particularly rude waiter works. Tim’s creating a diversion earlier than planned by expertly knocking over a whole box of wrenches. IEST hears that and recognizes it as a non-Terrorist noise, and goes to investigate.

5:15 – A lot of sneaking around by Jack, Tim and terrorists. Jack uses a JackMirror to check his hair and terrorists, and then crawls down towards a terrorists.

5:16 – Chloe announces that the missiles have arms. Or are armed. Something like that Jack gets really mad at this, stands up, and a terrorist attacks Jack’s knife with his throat. The knife wins.

5:17 – Robocop really bravely comes down the corridor after Jack clears the way, and goes to try and disarm the missiles but he’s no Chloe.

5:17 – Jack looks for more terrorists to kill. More sneaking around! The nameless guy following Jack catches a lot of bullets using his chest and falls over.

5:18 – 60 seconds until launch!

5:18 – Someone disarms Jack, but Jack is able to swing the gun and hit IEST. Jack continues the struggle and gives the guy he’s fighting with a steam facial with one of the nearby steam pipes. The guy doesn’t seem to like this AT ALL. Jack tells him his skin already looks a lot smoother.

5:19 – IEST hits Jack with a wrench, and it BOUNCES OFF JACK’S SKULL! Now Jack just looks mad. Jack jumps up, and starts chocking IEST with his legs, which after all the sweating he’s done today have GOT to smell bad.

5:20 – Missiles disarmed, and even Chloe is impressed. Jack breaks IEST’s neck with his legs. Haig has the presence of mind to call off the war planes.

5:20 – Jack goes to find Robocop, but he escaped! Jack goes up topside, and Robocop comes up from behind. Robocop goes to shoot Jack! Fortunately for him, Jack’s seen “Die Hard” like about a bazillion times…. He gave Robocop a gun with no bullets!
5:21 – “I am Jack Bauer. You killed friends of mine. Prepare to die”. Jack shoots, misses Robocop’s thighs, and shoots him in the chest, killing Robocop. Tim sees all this and looks like he does NOT want Jack mad at him.

Commercial

5:27 – Dramatic music blaring from police cars go to Jack, and he gets a car. Back at CTU they ask about Robocop, and Jack informs them he died from bullets traveling at great speed.

5:28 – Jack tells Chloe they need to talk, and she walks 10 feet to a secure phone where no one can hear them. Jack’s going after Manilow!

5:29 – CLG tells Manilow it’s all over. Manilow tells CLG he wants to make a speech at President Allstate’s casket, and CLG looks like he doesn’t want to hear yet ANOTHER speech from Manilow.

5:30 – Mrs. Manilow goes to CLG and tells him to come with her, and CLG looks pretty scared of what she might do to him. She convinces him to come with her.

5:31 – Manilow is on the phone with the Hollywood writer looking guy telling him that everything is going to be taken care of, including Jack Bauer. (Having these guys been paying attention at ALL this season?)

5:34 – Mrs. Manilow takes CLG to a secure garage location where Aaron is standing. Aaron explains that he tried to beat up someone using only his nose, and he shows CLG the body in the trunk. Mrs. Manilow spills her guts, and CLG looks pretty convinced. Mrs. Manilow and Aaron get REALLY close to kissing, before Aaron and CLG go off in a car towards the west gate where CLG plans on telling the guard they’re just going out for McDonalds.

Commercial

5:41 – CLG and Aaron are taking a giant wax paper bag full of ex-secret service agent parts into a field when CLG’s phone rings. It’s Jack. He wants to talk to Aaron. Aaron tells Jack about Mrs. Manilow killing the other agent, and Jack says he’s proud of her. They discuss trying to get Manilow to implicate himself in everything.

5:42 – Back at CTU, someone wants Haig back at the Homeland Security office in Washington, at the request of the Manilow.

5:43 – Chloe tells Bill and Haig that she needs a high access clearance for….I swear….A woman’s shoe salesman in Beverly Hills. Bill says “Well, in that case…” and signs the order… It’s CHLOE’S EX-HUSBAND!

5:44 – Morris and Chloe argue, and Chloe tells him this whole thing is an excuse for him to do get a digital transfer rate of 6.5. I think between these two, they could build a supercomputer in their sleep.

5:46 – Mrs. Manilow watches the news about Allstate, while CLG walks in and tells her about Jack’s plan to call Manilow a handbag to his face. Mrs. Manilow asks if Jack’s going to hurt Manilow with a really hopeful look in her eyes.

Commercial

5:53 – Jack drives out to Aaron, who we all know is Outstanding In His Field, and who is also out standing in his field. Jack wants on a secret service helicopter and after about 5 seconds, convinces Aaron that everything will be OK if he just gets near the helicopter.

5:54 – Mrs. Manilow APOLOGIZES to Manilow for calling him a handbag! He says that’s he’s surprised she said she hated him and broke her heart. She says she wishes she could take those words back, and what she really wanted to say is that she hates him, broke her heart, and that she’s a GIANT handbag. Oh wait…she just thinks that.

5:58 – Manilow buys the whole apology! She puts the moves on him! He calls the helicopter to delay, and she looks like she’s about to throw up about what she’s about to do.

5:59 – Aaron and Jack walk into a building pointing guns at the walls just in case they attack. CLG calls Jack and tells him the plane’s delayed. CLG asks how far Jack will go, and Jack says at least a couple of blocks….then realizes what CLG means and says “As far as I have to. But no farther. Because that wouldn’t make sense. Because I would already be there. Then I would be there. That’s as far as I would go. …..I gotta go.”.

Commercial

6:00 – In world record time and handbag fashion, Manilow and Mrs. Manilow are already getting ready to leave for the flight after whatever happened in about two minutes ago.

6:00 – Chloe calls Jack with the info about how he’ll get on the helicopter. He’s going to disguise himself as a cabin steward named Manuel. Chloe turns to Morris to get him to do something, but won’t say what.

6:01 – Helicopter pilot is informed that something is wrong with his green card, and he goes off to see Aaron. CLG goes to confirm this with Aaron.

6:02 – Pilot goes into the building to talk to Aaron, and Jack gives the pilot a giant Jack hug which makes the pilot pass out with joy.

6:05 – Jack, disguised a pilot who is much taller than Jack is in reality, goes to the helicopter and gives the pilot new instructions.

6:06 – CLG tells Mrs. Manilow that she shouldn’t get on the helicopter, and to make up an outrageous lie that only Manilow will believe. Mrs. Manilow tells Manilow she forgot her meds, and that she thinks he’s the bravest guy in the whole world, a great dancer, and definitely not a handbag. He believes her! Manilow and two secret service guys get on the helicopter. Manilow straps himself into a booster seat.

6:07 – Jack pulls a gun on the pilot and tells him to take off his helmet and rip out his microphone because he heard him singing earlier, and he just can’t stand it.

6:08 – Jack goes back to “talk” to the president, tasers BOTH secret service agents in about two seconds using a “Chloe brand Taser”, and tells Manilow to put on handcuffs. Jack takes off his helmet, and to his credit, Manilow recognizes him. Chloe gives Jack instructions on how to land near an industrial park, which I imagine is suspiciously similar to all the other industrial parks they’ve been around this episode.

6:09 – Manilow wants to know what Jack wants and starts asking questions. Jack gives Manilow a really hard stare and it makes Manilow really nervous and Manilow keeps rambling on and on.

6:10 – Morris is on the phone with Chloe, and Chloe tells him where to drive to. Morris acts really nervous and wants completely out of this as soon as he does the hand off. He really needs to get back to his women’s shoes

6:11 – Helicopter’s landing, and Jack tasers the pilot. He gets Manilow off the plane. Jack shoots a hostile looking door lock, and they enter the building.

6:12 – Jack puts down the gun, takes everything Manilow is carrying, finds the thinnest bar he can find and handcuffs Manilow to it, just to make Manilow look like more of a wimp.

6:13 – Morris gives Jack what he’s carrying, and tells him Chloe wants her to talk to him.

6:14 – Chloe tells Jack that he needs to get a confession from Manilow within the next few minutes before the crack team of security people realize Manilow is missing, or they’ll be sentenced to…. more seasons of “24”.

Commercial

6:18 – Sunrise and Jack’s filming without a director’s license, which can get you in BIG trouble in Hollywood, but Jack is taking that chance. Manilow says he’s stronger than Walt, and that Jack would be surprised he’s tougher than that. A full minute later, Jack gets done laughing at this.

6:19 – Jack tells the story of what happened and wants Manilow to confess about the gas canisters, President Allstate, killing people at malls, high gas prices, bird flu, and a few other things because Jack’s REALLY mad. Manilow acts like he doesn’t know a thing, and it’s pretty convincing.

6:21 – Jack sits down and tells Manilow that he had to disappear because of what Manilow was up to. He tells Manilow that if Manilow thinks that he won’t put a bullet into his head, HE DON’T KNOW JACK. Jack says unless Manilow confesses, he’ll put that bullet in there, by hand if necessary.

6:22 – Manilow tells Jack that he’ll go down in history with Lee Harvey Oswald and John Wilkes Booth if he pulls the trigger. Jack can’t pull the trigger!

6:24 – Agents surround the building, free Manilow and take Jack into custody. Manilow picks up the stuff on the table that Jack took out of his pockets….hehehe….

Commercial

6:29 – Helicopter landing and Mrs. Manilow is waiting. CLG takes a phone call and tells Mrs. Manilow that Jack failed. New emergency backup Secret Service guys come off the helicopter with Manilow. These guys don’t look like they can be tasered easily.

6:30 – Mrs. Manilow poses with Manilow for a photo op. A military band starts playing music as Allstate’s body is taken to the tarmac. Someone whispers to them that they shouldn’t be playing “Living La Vida Loca”, and they switch to something more somber.

6:31 – Mrs. Manilow completely freaks out and starts telling Manilow he’s not fit to be president. Many people behind her don’t look the least bit surprised she’s saying this. Manilow has her taken away into a hanger.

6:32 – Manilow asks if the hanger is secure, goes in and starts knocking Mrs. Manilow around. He asks if he’s wearing a listening device and searches her. He briefly tries on her coat, thinks it looks fashionable and then gets back to searching for something that might be transmitting.

6:33 – Manilow confronts Mrs. Manilow about Jack’s plan to get on the helicopter, and asks why she did that. She said that it was all because he’s a giant handbag. Manilow admits to the gas canisters, President Allstate, and everything. He tells her that if she says anything about this ever again, he’ll make SURE she’s back on “24” next season and she looks completely horrified.

Commercial

6:39 – Manilow is back out on the tarmac with Mrs. Manilow and he salutes a bird on the tarmac.

6:40 – Manilow goes to make a speech about how great everything is in this country. Chloe’s working on something to transmit, and the attorney general is on the phone. Chloe explains that the stuff Jack took off of Manilow has a listening on it. It was hidden in Manilow’s OWN PURSE.

6:41 – The play the recording, and there are lots of people with surprised looks on their faces, except anyone who was paying attention to what was happening on the show when Jack put all those things on the table when he was filming.

6:42 – Phone call to a federal marshal that hasn’t been punched with Jack’s elbow. It’s from the Attorney General.

6:43 – Manilow sees that something is going on when several agents get onto the platform with him, and it looks like he’s pretty sure they’re not there to help him with his purse.

6:44 – Manilow denies everything to the Federal Marshall until the Marshall takes Manilow’s purse out of his hands and shows him the beads that contained the microphone that transmitted everything he just said to Mrs. Manilow.

6:45 – Now it’s Manilow’s turn to try and give the evil eye to Mrs. Manilow. Mrs. Manilow looks highly amused until she can’t contain herself, points and says “Ha! Gotcha!”

6:46 – Manilow tries to pull rank, and a secret service agent informs him he’s been demoted from President Purse to tiny coin purse. They escort to a limo and they drive away to purse prison.

6:47 – Audrey drives up to see Jack, and they kiss. Or Jack is trying to suck the breath out of her. I’m not sure.

6:48 – An agent tells Jack that Kim is on the phone for him. Audrey threatens Jack by telling him that she won’t go anywhere.

6:49 – Jack goes to take the phone call, discovers that no one is on the phone, and three guys jump Jack! They inject him with something! Jack passes out!

Commercial

6:53 – Back at CTU, Haig and Bill talk about Manilow, and they expect he’ll cut a deal and only be demoted to paper bag. Haig tells Bill he’ll probably be back at CTU, and he look crestfallen. Haig tells him that she was condescending and rude when she first came in, and Bill agrees wholeheartedly.
Bill asks her out to breakfast, but she declines, saying she has to get something done. She says “Write a check?” Bill happily agrees, until he realizes she meant that she’d rather have the money for breakfast.

6:55 – Bill pulls out a paper for Chloe, and it’s from Edgar. It’s a picture of them together. Chloe looks pretty sad about this, and inexplicably breaks out into song. She starts singing “Edgar’s Favorite Things” to the tune of “My Favorite Things”, with apologies to …well, everyone. Here’s what she sang:

Bacon wrapped Ho-Hos dipped in French dressing
Beer battered donuts between burgers compressing,
Chocolate lasagna mixed with buffalo wings
Those were a few of his favorite things

Deeply fried salads and ice cream with noodles
Cheese covered cereal in the shape of a poodle
Whipped cream on catfish with onion rings
Those were a few of his favorite things
Chili on French toast with garlic molasses
Sugar tortillas and salsa in glasses
Cheesecake Alfredo with a grilled dumpling,
Those were a few of his favorite things
When Miles starts fights,
When Shari sees things,
When I’m feeling mad,
I just simply remember Edgar’s favorite things
And then I don’t feel so sad

Chloe looks around, hopes no one notices, and goes off with Morris, a bit happier than before.

6:57 – Audrey goes to find Jack, hears the phone that’s off the hook, some ominous music, and realizes that a major plot twist just happened.

6:58 – Jack, REALLY beaten up, was abducted by the Chinese from last season! The Chinese guy tells him they tracked him down from a take out order he did several months ago. Jack asks to make one phone call. They ignore this. Jack asks for them to kill him, and they tell him he’s too valuable! They show they an exterior of a ship bound of Shanghai! Jack’s been Shanghaied!

7:00 – Time’s up!

24: 4am to 5am

Here’s my latest posting from tonight’s round of Dave Barry 24 blogging
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The following takes place between 4 am and 5 am

4:00am – Haig and Jack talk about the recording, while Creepy attempts to stun them using an evil eye. Chloe and Bill have called congress to start impeachment, and have ordered party favors all around.

4:01 – They find out the chip has been been replaced with a recording of the Creepy singing “The Hokey Pokey

24: 3am to 4am

Update, May 9, 2006: A kind quote from Dave Barry at Dave Barry over at his blog:

Thanks to the commenters who cleared this up, and to all the rest of you who made such a valiant effort to analyze the “plot,” especially the amazing Steve. I’m thinking that even after the season ends, we could have Steve continue posting summaries on Monday nights. I’m sure they’d make just as much sense as they do now.

Thanks, Dave!

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I’m one of the folks that participates over on Dave Barry’s blog in a kind of Mystery Science Theater treatment of “24”. Here’s what I posted this week:

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Summary

3 am – Jack broke the co-pilot’s nose. He’s lucky he didn’t get shot in the thigh. He calls Haig and lets her know that he has the recording of Manilow. Bill talks extra loud into the phone.

3:01 – Curtis tells Audrey he has great news… He’s going to save a ton of money on his car insurance, and he that Secretary of Defense Devane used his super defense car to actually survive that 200 foot drop into the water we saw a couple of episodes ago. Aside from being EXTREMELY waterlogged after being in the water for two weeks, he’s OK.

3:02 – Haig calls Curtis and tells him that Jack needs a ride from an airport. Since Curtis is a REALLY good friend, he’ll pick him up….but Jack owes him. Also, Jack has this evidence that can bring down Manilow. Curtis says that if that’s true, Jack won’t owe him anything.

3:03 – The Evil Genius Think Tank (EGTT) has figured out a way out of Manilow’s dilemma and the guy who looks like a hollywood writer calls him. Hollywood says that Manilow needs to shoot down the plane. Manilow protests, saying he doesn’t have a gun nearly big enough, or with enough range. Besides, he can’t shoot straight anyway. Hollywood says they’re going to use a BCI distress signal, which will make it look like the entire plane is full of American Idol fans, so no one will question Manilow’s motives. Manilow protests because he likes American Idol, and then agrees by saying “May Ryan Seacrest have mercy on my soul!

24: 2am to 3am

I post over on Dave Barry’s weekly 24 blog, along with a lot of other folks.

Here’s what I posted this week:

———–
Summary

2:00 am – Bill’s on the phone with Haig, and tells her that Jack’s on an airplane. She’s horrifed that Jack didn’t use his frequent stow away miles. She tells Bill that Chloe needs to contact her after she leaves.

2:01 am – Really slow homeland security guys walk up to Bill’s house. They look behind the TV briefly, move a keyboard, and in all of five seconds, declare that Chloe is not here. They were obviously expecting her to be dressed as a personal computer, like she was last Halloween. One of them notices that Bill’s Commodore 64 has a MAJOR upgrade, and that only Chloe could have done it.

2:04 – Creepy says he’ll make it really bad for Bill if he doesn’t tell him where Chloe is. Bill points out that Chloe was able to walk right out of CTU after pickpocketing Creepy’s id, his cell phone, and his underwear. I think he’s threatening that he’ll talk to Bill even more than he already has… Bill looks a little creeped out by that, but refuses to talk. Haig tells Secret Agent Ed to bring him in. Creepy doesn’t like how Haig is handling things.

2:06 – Chloe walks into a hotel bar with really bad lounge music, figuring that no one would bother her there. She calls Haig and asks for info about the plane.

2:07 – Chloe calls Jack, who’s on the plane, in the cargo hold with some dogs in cages. The cargo hold is quiet now, and he looks relieved that he doesn’t have to put up with any more of that yipping he’s been hearing. From Audrey, not the dogs.

2:08 – Leisure Suit Larry is hitting on women at the bar.

2:09 – Jack, who still hasn’t turned off the ringer his phone, gets a call from Chloe who tells him where the air marshal, Christopher Outt, is sitting on the plane. Jack lifts a floor tile in the back of the plane, and no one is there to see him. Jack wonders for a second what an air marshal would be doing on a diplomatic flight, but then decides to completely ignore this plot point.

2:10 – Jack grabs a seat next to the air marshal, elbows the air marshal in the HEAD, and grabs the air marshal’s peanuts. Jack really, really likes peanuts.

Commercial

2:15 – Jack STILL hasn’t turned off his phone, and gets a phone call from Chloe. She knows where the Guy Who’s Got The Recording (GWGTR) is, and Jack gets that guy to come to the back of the plane. I think this guy’s name is Mr. Unger.

2:16 – Jack closes the curtains in the back galley, which is NOT a good sign for Mr. Unger. Jack asks for Unger’s ticket stub, and then punches it. Unger passes out in a choke hold, and Jack drops him into the baggage compartment right onto a poodle, which makes a whining noise that sounds a lot like Audrey.

2:16 – Mrs. Manilow can’t find her medication. A secret service guy (who I think is a robot, because he has a telephone hookup in his ear), won’t let her.

2:17 – Mrs. Manilow calls Cheney Looking Guy and says she wants to see him. CLG looks hopeful this might be his big chance.
2:18 – Mrs. Manilow REALLY REALLY wants her medication. She starts speaking in riddles to CLG, who looks puzzled, even for this show. She convinces him to get her meds, and he leaves.

2:20 – Graham, one of Manilow’s secret guys that looks like a really uptight writer, calls Manilow to discuss the run-away episode that’s happening. He states the obvious that it would be REALLY REALLY bad if Jack got that recording, because because if Jack got it to Chloe, it would be all over the Internet like a flash, and they’d get no royalties.

2:21 – CLG goes to Manilow telling him that Mrs. Manilow is really upset, CLG presses the point, and Manilow tells him that the reason Mrs. Manilow is upset is that she’s married to a handbag. CLG completely agrees.

2:22 – Back to the cargo hold in the plane, Jack tries to find out what Unger know about Robocop.

2:23 – Leisure Suit Larry starts to bother Chloe, and offers her a drink. She calls the airport.

2:24 – Back on the plane, the stewardess tells everyone there is massive turbulence in the area. In reality, Jack is just kicking Mr. Unger’s butt all over the cargo area. The stewardess notices that someone’s missing and that the air marshal is down.

2:25 – Call to the cockpit, and the steward on the phone tells the pilot, Captain Oveur, that the air marshal has been assaulted. The pilot says “Assaulted what? Peanut?

24: 1am to 2am

I take part in the “24” posting madness over on Dave Barry’s Blog. Here’s what I posted tonight:

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Summary

1 am – Jack’s with Audrey and she’s going to have one heck of a dry cleaning bill. Secretary Devane calls his agent’s phone, gets Jack instead and tells Jack to get the recording. Jack says “Duh!

24: 12 am to 1am

Summary

12:00 am – Manilow’s watching the world’s smallest wide screen TVs, and gets call from Robocop about trying to get Jack. Manilow calls Madam Haig.

12:01 – Madam Haig is talking to Creepy about the Audrey, and that the Cry-Baby tracking device they use to track Audrey is not working.

12:02 – Creepy thinks that Chloe is in on the whole Audrey/Jack connection, volunteers that he’s got special cameras that he uses to spy on women, so it’ll be no problem tracking Chloe.

12:04 – Jack brings in Bill to help him! They fill in Bill on the Manilow being a handbag, and that he’s in on the President Allstate assassination. Bill agrees. Manilow is a handbag.

12:05 – Audrey’s hanging out in Hanger 112 at the airport, which apparently was her secret rendezvous spot with Jack.

12:06 – The plane carrying Secretary of Defense William Devane (undercover as Audrey’s Dad “Secretary Heller

24 : 11pm to 12 am

One of the other shows I watch is “24”. Over on Dave Barry’s Blog, a bunch of folks (and Dave!) make “Mystery Science Theater”-like comments about the show. A while ago, when Dave couldn’t watch the show one night, he asked for a summary of the show. Well, I started do that. People seemed to like it, so I continue to do it. The following is what I posted tonight.

Excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes….. I write this in real-time (well, minus TiVo stops here and there) while I’m watching the show, and I post it as soon as I’m done. I hope you enjoy it!

Oh, and if you have NO idea who I’m talking about, here are some of the names we’ve been using on the blog:

Madam Haig – Karen Hayes (new head of CTU)
Robocop – Christopher Henderson
Manilow – President Logan
President Allstate – ex-President David Palmer

——-

Summary

11pm – The finest roadblock ever is on the street. It has military guys, search lights, and I swear I saw a humvee with a Starbucks installed in the back.

11:00 – Jack is finding out where the money that Manilow is paying Robocop, while Wayne drives to a motel parking lot which is completely empty, except for some guy waving has a yellow piece of paper talking about his “list” and how he has to help them so he can cross them off.

11:01 – Jack calls Audrey to tell her that Manilow is in on the whole thing, and that Jack’s on his way to the bank to get to the safety deposit box. Jack wants Audrey’s father involved. Jack can’t trust anyone but Jack!

11:05 – They get Evelyn into the motel, and Jack checks her thigh because he’s got tons of experience with bullet wounds in the thigh. He wants to clean it, but she doesn’t want him anywhere her leg for fear he’ll shoot that one too.

11:06 – Robocop’s on the phone downloading new instructions from Manilow. They were on the phone with each other just 6 minutes ago! Manilow’s starting to freak out that everyone is freaking out.

11:07 – Madam Haig is talking to Creepy Homeland Guy and she’s having second thoughts about this whole “I’m in charge thing”. Creepy doesn’t like this ONE BIT.

11:08 – Manilow calls Madam Haig to order the arrest of Jack, but in true Manilow style doesn’t want anyone to know who gave the order. Creepy’s all over this and helpfully suggests that the military can use some of those near rocket lauchers, humvee’s, and hand grenades if that would help at all. Haig doesn’t like what’s happening, but Creepy’s all over the whole “let’s catch Jack” thing.

11:09 – Audrey goes to Chloe and shows her the latest Computer catalog to cover the fact they’re talking about Jack. Chloe thinks it’ll take an hour. Audrey wants a secure line so that no one will find out she’s making teary-eyed phone calls to Jack. Chloe says that’ll take about TWO hours.

11:10 – Madam Haig comes down to talk to Audrey, and they don’t like that Jack has an arrest warrant. They know that if he’s arrested, the season’s going to end quick, and they have about 6 more shows to go.

11:12 – Madam Haig is having a Lo-Jack installed on Audrey’s car, so it’ll lead right to Jack.

Commercial

11:17 – Jack’s driving Wayne to the bank manager’s house, and Jack wants to go in and scare the bank manager into letting them into the bank. He pulls out the handy dandy Jack Bauer lock pick set and breaks into the house.

11:18 – Wife and husband upstairs. The wife is wearing NO bullet proof vest on her thighs.

11:19 – Bank manager goes downstairs and Jack clobbers him. The guy tries to talk his way out of it, and finally relents when Jack aims at his wife’s legs.

11:20 – Road block let’s Audrey through, and she’s on the phone with her dad, Secretary Heller. She needs his help, and she wants his plane re-routed to LA.

11:21 – Audrey’s at a gas station, and it using her cell phone while she’s pumping gas. Despite the sparks flying off the cell phone, she’s able to keep the car from exploding. Chloe gave her a special Lo-Jack locator, which Audrey uses to find the Lo-Jack on the car.

11:23 – A curfew immune truck pulls into the gas station, and Audrey plants to Lo-Jack on the truck! There’s NO chance this truck will be pulled over because it’s filled with undocumented visitors.

11:24 – Manilow looks nervous that he hasn’t talked to Robocop in nearly 20 minutes, and Secret Service guy comes to get him. Scary VP asks about Jack, and Manilow tells Secret Service to leave. Scary can’t understand why Bauer isn’t being treated like a hero, and Manilow does the old “because I said so!” ploy on him, and leaves. Scary looks like he suspects that Manilow has been substituted with an alien, because it’s the first time Manilow has talked to him that way.

11:27 – Evelyn’s asleep on the bed, and her daughter’s crying. Evelyn tries to go to her and hits her head on the table. The daughter calls 911, and Robocop instantly gets a phone call from an evil co-hort.

Commercial

11:32 – Press conference. Manilow is telling everyone that the terrorist threat is over, the Russian’s are OK, and Jack has signed a three year contract with Fox.

11:33 – Mrs. Manilow is happy about Manilow saving the day, and Secret Service guy looks like he wants to tell her that Manilow is still acting like a lady’s purse.

11:33 – Jack drives up to parking lot, saying they’ll have to go the rest of the way on foot because it’s more dramatic that way, and they still have half an hour until the top of the hour.

11:33 – Jack gets a call from Secret Service Guy on the Jack Phone, which also tells Jack his blood pressure, his heart rate, and the number of bullets he has left in his gun. Secret Service Guy tells Jack about the warrant.

11:34 – They’re on their way to the bank and the humvee with the Starbucks and the machine gun drives by, so they have to hide.

11:34 – Phone call to Madam Haig. The Homeland Security People Who Follow Audrey (HSPWFA) are now known as the Homeland Security People Who Lost Audrey (HSPWLA).

11:35 – Haig calls Creepy, telling him that she wants satellites redirected to find Audrey. He gives a Creepy Stare to Chloe.

11:35 – Outside the bank. They’ve been able to hide, elude patrols and get to the bank in 2 minutes. And they didn’t even run.

11:35 – Jack goes up to the bank’s doors, which I’m sure have no security cameras anywhere near them, and looks in. He grabs Bank Manager and threatens his wife’s non-bullet proof thighs again.

11:36 – Inside the bank, Bank Manager gives Jack the code, 4 8 15 16 23 42, and Jack goes to enter the code. Bank Manager recognizes Wayne! Bank Manager says that he’s sure he’s seen Wayne on this show named “24” last year. Wayne tells him to trust him, but that Bank Manager would never believe him if he told him the real truth. Bank Manager yells, “AM I ON CANDID CAMERA”, and immediately starts looking for Allen Funt. Wayne tells him that he doesn’t really want to know the truth….that he’s on a show with outrageous (but fun to watch) plot lines, and that they’ve come for proof of who killed President Allstate.

11:38 – Bank Manager asks Jack if it’s all true. Jack says yes, and Bank Manager gets all excited until he realized they didn’t mean he really was Candid Camera, it was that other thing about the President.

11:39 – Evalyn’s with the paramedics, who promptly get shot by Robocop, making them much more Edgar-like and a lot less able to fix bullet wounds.

Commercial

11:43 – Manilow’s on the phone again someone when Mrs. Manilow walks in, and tells him that he’s dealt with more crisis today that any other president, unless you count President Allstate getting shot, which to be fair was a pretty big crisis for him. She calls him magnificent, she kisses him. They kiss far too long, and about half a million viewers had to switch the channels.

11:45 – Phone call, and Manilow asks Mrs. Manilow to leave. She doesn’t like that, so she stays. He takes the call from Robocop. Evelyn told Robocop where Jack is, and Robocop is sending Robothungs there to intercept Jack. Mrs. Manilow asks what the phone call was about, but she doesn’t look like she believes him.

11:46 – Creepy runs upstairs to tell Haig they found Audrey, and man, he’s excited. Haig calls the HSPWLA to intercept Audrey.

11:47 – Crazy Shari finds out that something is wrong with one of the satellites and tells Chloe. Shari can’t get in because it has a massive security grade one override and she’s locked out. She leaves. Chloe presses ONE key on her keyboard and the security is overridden and she sees Audrey’s car.

11:48 – Robothugs at the bank. Robocop says if they see any change, withdraw from the Bank, and deposit the rest of the people with extreme force. One of the Robothugs passes out from the over use of puns in the last sentence.

11:49 – In the vault, they get the recording and they her Manilow and Robocop discussing the whole plot to kill the President, and Bank Manager recognizes Manilow’s voice.

11:50 – Jack spots the Robothugs outside trying to act like he’s just there to use the ATM, but the guns in both hands give him away. They get back away from the door and back into the vault. It’s the only way out….but Jack goes to look for another way!

11:51 – Jack uses the Jackscope to scope the Robothugs outside. Jack tells Bank Manager to trip the bank alarm to get the police there, hoping for a gun fight because there hasn’t been one in over a hour.

Commercial

11:55 – Chloe walks back to one of her servers and logs into the system, and corrupts the signal they’ve been using to watch Audrey. Creepy goes to investigate, and thinks it’s Chloe. They start playing 1960’s secret agent music. (Really!) Creepy gets there, and Chloe is gone.

11:56 – Creepy finds Chloe coming out the bathroom, and asks what she was doing and Chloe promises to write a report.

11:57 – Back at the bank, same secret agent music. The police arrive, and Bank Manager decides to go with Jack Gun fight with the police!

11:58 – Jack leaves the bank, and takes out a few of the people Robothugs. The military show up and take out a few more! Jack escapes in a police car with Wayne and Bank Manager…who dies in the car.

11:59 – Jack calls Audrey, who tells Jack it’ll be next week until they can give the evidence to her father. Jack says that they’ll be taking down Manilow!

12:00 – Times up!