THE DHARMA INITIATIVE SOLD!


Just got the following:

Namaste.

I am pleased to announce that registered recruits can now log in and download your personalized Volunteer Assessment Dossier outlining your full test results as well as your position within the Dharma Initiative.

I want to personally congratulate you on behalf of everyone at the Dharma Initiative for your hard work and diligence during our testing process.

We hope that you are happy with your results. We certainly are. The tests were extremely challenging and the aptitude and excellence displayed far exceeded our expectations.

Now that you are in possession of your results I am sure you are asking the obvious question: what’s next?

Our plan was that together we would commence a glorious adventure: the revival of the Dharma Initiative using the myriad talents of all our amazing new recruits. We imagined not just fulfilling long abandoned goals but taking the Dharma Initiative to a new level of greatness as an organization promoting the peaceful social and technological advancement of all humankind.

Then the financial crisis struck.

Sadly, our benefactors were not immune to this crisis. In fact, unconfirmed reports suggest that much of the money designated for the work of the new Dharma Initiative was tied up in highly leveraged mortgage derivatives. This, however, cannot be confirmed because, I am sorry to report, the principals representing the benefactors – my employers – have gone missing. Based on bills still coming into our office we believe they are somewhere in South America.

This stunning reversal of fortune has forced us to abandon our ambitious plans. In fact, absent this funding, the Dharma Initiative was forced to make the only sensible decision we had available: we sold the Dharma Initiative to the television show LOST.

While this might strike some of you as a shock, the reason for this was not simply that they were the only bidder. As the only remaining Dharma Initiative employee who had not fled the country, I felt that at the very least the show would be able to keep the spirit of the Dharma Initiative alive and in the public consciousness until such time as a reversal of the reversal of our economic fortunes occurs.

It is with a heavy heart that I must bid you farewell. Despite my fervent commitment to the mission of the Dharma Initiative, the realities of a broken marriage, heavy casino debt and some unfounded police charges have required that I change my present circumstances. It is with great excitement that I can inform you of my pending senior sales management job at a large multi-brand auto dealership in Dubai. I have enjoyed our brief association more than I can ever express, and if you are ever in the Middle East and need a car, please e-mail me for a special “Dharma rate”.

In the meantime, you will hear shortly from LOST showrunners Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. They will explain to you their future plans for the Dharma Initiative and how these plans might affect you.

Thank you again, personally, for your unflagging commitment and support. I hope our paths will one day cross again. In the meantime may the spirit of the island guide you.

Namaste.

Hans Van Eeghen
Head of Recruiting
The Dharma Initiative

Dharma Test #7 – Black Swan Revealed


The final Dharma test is up! You don’t have to run to take it though – you’ve already taken it!

update
Here’s the official e-mail:

Namaste.

I am extremely pleased to announce that the seventh and final test in the Dharma Initiative’s Volunteer Recruitment Program is now available at www.dharmawantsyou.com.

This test plays an extremely important part in determining your final role within the Dharma Initiative’s upcoming research project.

This test is, perhaps, the most challenging recruits have yet encountered in the Volunteer Recruitment Program. A great deal is demanded of you in this final examination. It is an excellent opportunity to distinguish yourself in the eyes of assessors.

Once you have completed the seventh assessment your overall results will be collated and delivered to the Volunteer Recruit Evaluation Panel for analysis. The members of this distinguished panel will make recommendations to myself, as the Head of Recruiting, regarding the specific departmental position appropriate for each recruit. Upon my review I will formally present the recommendations to the executive board of the Dharma Initiative for final approval.

Final recruit departmental positions and results will be outlined in your personalized Volunteer Assessment Dossier, which will available for download from DharmaWantsYou.com after December 15, 2008.

Good luck to you all.

Namaste.

Hans Van Eeghen
Head of Recruiting
The Dharma Initiative

Here’s a transcript of the video:

Namaste.

My name is Hans Van Eeghan. Many of you will already know me. I am the Dharma Initiative’s head of recruiting as well as the architect of the aptitude tests you have been undertaking in the last few weeks. Although we are not yet half way through the planned program, I am happy to report that the progress in the general cohort is, in my studied opinion, extremely encouraging. Indeed some of the results from the first two assessments have been nothing less then stunning. It is reassuring that recruits have managed to deliver such excellent results despite numerous attempts by the so called Black Swan to undermine the testing program. You are to be commended for your discipline. Keep up the good work and avoid contact with any insights distributed by this individual.

I have reported your progress to my superiors and they are suitably encouraged. I look forward to your future efforts.

Namaste.

Write Your Own Dharma Tests


A message from Hans Van Eeghen on the Dharma Wants You site explains that recruits to the Dharma Initiative can now start writing their own tests. It involves writing 10 questions, and having other recruits complete your test for which you’ll get 50 Dharma points. You can also achieve “Instructor Status”:

If your test, or one of its questions, is of an appropriate quality it may be selected to form part of the Official Volunteer Assessment Program. For this you will receive 500 Dharma Points and be awarded Instructor status.

You have to have your test created before Sept 17th, 2008

Dharma Initiative Test 4

Dharma Initative
ATTENTION ALL RECRUITS
RE: EXPANDED ROLE FOR RECRUITS

Namaste.

As a result of the outstanding assessment results delivered in recent weeks I am pleased to announce an expanded role for recruits in the Volunteer Assessment Program at www.dharmawantsyou.com.

This new activity will draw on the impressive knowledge base of recruits and will offer the opportunity to challenge your colleagues in a friendly intellectual competition.

You have the potential to earn significant Dharma Points with this new activity, which will contribute to your overall assessment results.

Log in and consult your “Progress” page for details.

I look forward to another inspiring display of initiative from you all.

Namaste.

Hans Van Eeghen
Head of Recruiting
The Dharma Initiative

Update
ATTENTION ALL RECRUITS
RE: TANGENTIAL JUDGMENT ANALYSIS IS NOW LIVE

Namaste.

I am pleased to announce the release of the fourth assessment in the Dharma Initiative’s Volunteer Recruitment Program is now available at www.dharmawantsyou.com.

This new test will assess your ability to formulate imaginative solutions to a range of conundrums.

Many of you have already demonstrated your ability to think “outside the octagon”, so to speak. I am sure you will find this activity suitably stimulating.

I am also happy to report that a great number of you have enthusiastically embraced the recently released “Recruit Created Assessments” (RCA). Industrious recruits are devising for their colleagues a dizzying array of examination topics that will, no doubt, significantly expand the knowledge base of the Dharma Initiative.

These talented recruits not only stand to significantly increase their Dharma Points but will also be eligible for promotion to the position of “Instructor” in the Volunteer Recruitment Program.

On behalf of the Dharma Initiative I would like to thank these conscientious recruits for their efforts.

Keep up the good work.

Namaste.

Hans Van Eeghen
Head of Recruiting
The Dharma Initiative

What to Do in Dharma Test 3


Dharma Initiative Testing is continuing and Test 3 is running. This one is bit tricky. You have to click on the Dharma logo, and keep it away from spheres that are moving around in an enclosed area. Touch one of the sides, or one of the spheres, and the test ends.

So far I’ve only managed to get up to 28 seconds. How well did you do?

Dharma Initiative Test 3 Is Up and Running

ATTENTION ALL RECRUITS
RE: DEXTERITY AND ATTENTIVENESS EVALUATION
IS NOW LIVE

Namaste.

I am pleased to announce the release of the third assessment in the Dharma Initiative’s Volunteer Recruitment Program is available at www.dharmawantsyou.com

This new test will assess your ability to negotiate a defined space while avoiding objects of increasing velocity.

With two tests now complete I have begun compiling individual Volunteer Assessment Dossiers for release at the end of the program. The results thus far are extremely encouraging. Indeed, they are far above expectations. I feel confident you will continue to produce excellent results in the coming weeks.

Sincerest congratulations to you all.

Namaste.

Hans Van Eeghen
Head of Recruiting
The Dharma Initiative

New Dharma Test – Broad Spectrum Knowledge Analysis

Just got this:


ATTENTION ALL RECRUITS
RE: BROAD SPECTRUM KNOWLEDGE ANALYSIS IS NOW LIVE

Namaste.

I am pleased to announce the release of the second assessment in the Dharma Initiative’s Volunteer Recruitment Program.

This new test is a broad-spectrum knowledge analysis.

It is a multiple-choice test covering a range of topics.

YOUR FIRST ATTEMPT AT THIS TEST WILL BE THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL BE RECORDED AGAINST YOUR OVERALL TEST RESULTS.

THE TEST WILL BE TIMED – DURATION WILL BE FACTORED INTO THE FINAL RESULT.

Be prepared before embarking on this assessment – there will be NO SECOND CHANCES.

I would also like to encourage recruits to take the opportunity to earn extra “Dharma” points. These points WILL contribute to your overall test results and the eventual position you will be assigned within the Dharma Initiative.

I trust you will find these new tasks sufficiently challenging and will embrace the opportunity to grow the Dharma Initiative.

I look forward to reviewing your results.

Hans Van Eeghen
Head of Recruiting
The Dharma Initiative
www.dharmawantsyou.com

(And thanks to Andy who also sent this in)

Dharma Test 1 Strategies

Dharma Wants You, the website set up to let you try out tests for the Dharma Initiative is finally letting people in… including me.

The first test is pictured above. You have to take the pieces you’re given, and make them fit into the square. You’ll use all but two of the pieces. A timer starts at 100 and counts down while you work on the puzzle. The score you get is the amount of time left on the clock when you complete the puzzle.

The first time I tried it, I got a score of 78, completing the puzzle in 22 seconds. You can retry the puzzle, so I did and got that score up to 84, which is solving it in 16 seconds.

Having said that, I can say that the score you get is dependent on what kind of pieces you get. If you get a lot of long thin diagonally-slanted pieces, you’ll spend a lot of time getting them to fit. The strategy I used was to try and fill the corners, if possible. Look for the pieces with straight vertical and/or horizontal lines. Once you do that, you’ll be more likely to see where the other pieces fit.

If you use this strategy, you’ll get up into the 70s (usually).

With all the folks doing the game, I bet we see top scores in the high 80s.

How did you do when you tried it?