Last time: Jack, Curtis and RoboEdgar chased the Marwan Brothers through the Field museum, and around Chicago. Jack disguised himself in a moustache and beard that he has since found out he can\u2019t remove. Manilow was given the assignment of getting Janosz into the White House. There\u2019s some sort of disturbance going on at the Lincoln Memorial. Julian is running away from it straight to Jack, Curtis and RoboEdgar, who are at the Washington Monument. A problem with the computers at CTU forced Chloe to leave and use the public internet to help Jack.<\/p>\n
The following occurred between 6 am and 7 am, and is brought to you with limited commercial interruption through a sponsorship of a kitchen knife product with actors posing as people that are completely astounded that you can cut ACTUAL bread with a knife and get ACTUAL REAL (really!) sliced bread, in the comfort and relative safety (if you don\u2019t count how hazardous knives are) of your own home. Amazing!<\/p>\n
We\u2019d like to remind you that no actual bread was hurt in the filming of this show or commercial – stunt bread was used instead.<\/p>\n
6:00 am – Pamela wakes up and finds that Bobby is in the shower! The whole thing was\u2026 oops, wrong show.<\/p>\n
6:00 am \u2013 Suddenly, Bob wakes up! Emily asks, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d Bob turns on a light and explains that he had the strangest dream where he was an innkeeper in\u2026 wait, that\u2019s the wrong show too.<\/p>\n
6:00 am \u2013 RoboEdgar wanders back into the Washington Monument as Jack continues his phone conversation with Chloe. Chloe tells Jack (ok, we\u2019re back to the right show) that she\u2019s found a website on the Internet that has information that might help him. Chloe tells Jack that she entered some of the things that have been happening all day into Google, and a certain weblog came up. Jack asks her what words she used. She tells him that entering \u201cMarwan Brothers\u201d into Google, she came up with the Dave Barry weblog. She tells Jack that she didn\u2019t think that was anything useful, so she entered \u201cbada bing kaching fireworks\u201d and it came up with the Dave Barry weblog again! She tells Jack that she even tried: \u201csquirrels exploding toilets snakes\u201d, and it STILL came up with the Dave Barry weblog.<\/p>\n
6:03 am \u2013 Jack asks Chloe if there\u2019s something on that website that can help them with the situation there in. Chloe says, \u201cIt\u2019s a weblog, not a website! You are just so web 1.0.\u201d Jack asks what a \u201cweblog\u201d is, and Chloe tells him to get with the program. Chloe says, “Everyone has a weblog! Even I have a weblog”. Jack says, \u201cRight now, I don\u2019t care what kind of \u2018web-thingie\u2019 it is, all I want to know is, can it help us?\u201d Chloe does a little more checking, and tells Jack that somehow all the events from yesterday and today are all chronicled on the Dave Barry weblog already, but she\u2019s not really sure how it was done. Chloe says, \u201cFrom what I can tell, there are a lot of other CTU field agents that must be doing surveillance on what\u2019s happening out in the field, and they\u2019re all posting under aliases to protect their identities. According to this, it appears that the Marwans are in Washington with you right now, over at the Lincoln Memorial, but that\u2019s where it ends.\u201d Jack hangs up and tells Curtis they need to get to the Lincoln Memorial.<\/p>\n
6:05 am \u2013 Manilow reaches the White House guard house with Janosz. Manilow leans over to Janosz and says, \u201cI have a plan.\u201d The guard asks for an ID as they approach, and says, \u201cSnap it up, will ya? We just flew in. We\u2019re tired. We\u2019re hungry. We have this stupid car\u2026\u201d Janosz looks like he\u2019s going to freak out at the tactic that Manilow has taken.<\/p>\n
The guard looks at Manilow\u2019s ID, and gets an astonished look on his face. The guard tells Manilow that he and his guest can pass, and they start walking up the driveway to the White House. Manilow tells Janosz, \u201cSee? I told you it would work!\u201d<\/p>\n
6:07 am \u2013 Audrey still in a daze from being locked in a cage at the zoo, wanders aimlessly down the street. A mugger wielding a knife pulls her into an alley, and we hear a loud scream. Audrey comes walking out of the alley, and we see the would-be mugger sitting on the ground, twitching, repeating the words, \u201cThe horror! The horror!\u201d over and over to himself.<\/p>\n
6:09 am \u2013 Jack and Curtis jog towards the memorial, along with a few other joggers who are out for a morning run. Thankfully, Curtis is back into his regular clothes after having worn the King Tut costume for most of the last hour. They see a jogger running right towards them, but he looks startled and makes a left turn before they can get to him. Curtis reminds Jack that jogging with a gun waving around in his hand is not probably the best thing he can be doing right now. Jack puts the gun away.<\/p>\n
6:12 am \u2013 As Jack and Curtis pass by 18th street, Julian views them from the bushes he\u2019s hiding in. He makes a phone call to Hollywood. Julian tells Hollywood that the plan has gone horribly wrong, that he just missed getting caught by Jack Bauer, and that he needs a car to get out of there right away. Hollywood tells him to calm down. Julian tells Hollywood that HE should calm down, because HIS brother didn\u2019t just turn into a zombie and start killing people. Hollywood tells Julian to go to a public place and call when he gets there.<\/p>\n
6:14 am \u2013 Audrey pauses on the streets, not quite sure of where she\u2019s headed. She looks in a shop window, and she sees 20 squirrels all staring at her. Audrey backs up, trips over a garbage can, gets back up and runs screaming down the street. The squirrels in the shop window have now all changed to weather men, since the commercial ended and the TVs are all back to the same morning news program.<\/p>\n
6:16 am \u2013 Jack and Curtis make their way to the Lincoln Memorial, which is covered by a huge canvas tarp which reads, \u201cRenovation sponsored by The Hokey Pokey Toilet Company\u201d. There are trucks, motorcycles and bicycles where the construction workers have parked while the work on the memorial. Jack tells Curtis, \u201cBe very very quiet\u201d. Curtis says, \u201cWe\u2019re hunting wabbits?\u201d Jack ignores this, pulls out his gun, and walks up the steps to the Lincoln Memorial. Curtis follows.<\/p>\n
6:19 am \u2013 Jack and Curtis slip under the canvas tarp, and look around. There is construction equipment everywhere, along with quite an assortment of dead bodies. The dead bodies seem to be missing parts of their heads, where it looks like something tried to eat part of their brains. Curtis thinks this is completely disgusting, and nearly throws up. Jack says this reminds him of what happened after Audrey\u2019s last dinner party, and that pushes Curtis over the edge \u2013 he runs back outside and does throw up.<\/p>\n
6:21 am \u2013 Jack takes a more careful look at the bodies, and realizes that among the construction workers, there are also men in suits who appear to be executives. One of the bodies is clutching a folder which Jack bends down and looks at. It\u2019s labeled \u201cHokey Pokey Toilet Company\u201d.<\/p>\n
6:23 am \u2013 Audrey, who thinks squirrels are chasing her, runs down the street, screaming. After she runs past the 23rd Starbucks on this street alone, she looks behind her, and doesn\u2019t see any squirrels. She realizes that she\u2019s thirsty and hungry after everything that\u2019s happened today, so she looks in her purse to see if she has any money to buy something from the coffee shop. Her purse contains three Pez dispensers, an ATM card, and a sonic screwdriver from a doctor she briefly dated a couple of hours ago (that\u2019s another story), but no cash. She decides to try to find a bank, and goes off in search of one.<\/p>\n
6:22 am \u2013 Jack calls Curtis back in. Curtis makes Jack swear that he never mention Audrey\u2019s cooking again, which he does. Jack reads from the folder while Curtis looks around a little more. Jack says that it is a master plan of how the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company plans on pushing legislation through Congress, how it plans to install low-low-flow toilets all over the country, and its connections with terrorist organizations that will take over the country once all the toilet installations are complete.<\/p>\n
6:25 am \u2013 Jack gets to a section of the document that discusses plans on marketing the new low-low-flow toilets. Jack tells Curtis, \u201cIt says here that they want to try to win over the American public through clever jingles and by creating a lovable figure at the Lincoln Memorial. UGH! I\u2019m NOT going to tell you what their jingle is; let\u2019s just say it\u2019s a play on the words to the Hokey Pokey, it involves toilets, and leave it at that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Curtis says, \u201cUh, Jack?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jack ignores him, and says, \u201cWell, at least they have a \u201cShake It All About\u201d shield. Disgusting! Anyway, I have to wonder what they\u2019re planning here at the Memorial? We\u2019re going to have to figure out what happened to these people too.\u201d<\/p>\n
Curtis says, \u201cJACK!\u201d<\/p>\n
Jack says, \u201cWhat is it? Can\u2019t you see\u2026\u201d Jack looks in the direction Curtis is shining a flashlight. The construction workers were in the process of replacing the statue of Lincoln with an exact duplicate \u2013 except it\u2019s sitting on a giant Hokey Pokey Toilet.<\/p>\n
6:28 am \u2013 They hear a noise coming from near the top of the new statue. Curtis shines the light up to the top. We can see Marwan, his eyes glazed over in white, and he\u2019s trying to gnaw at the head of the statue, trying to get at the brains inside of it. Instantly, Jack starts shooting at Marwan, who doesn\u2019t seem to notice at first, despite getting hit with several bullets. Marwan looks up, and says, \u201cJack Bauer! How nice of you to attend my breakfast buffet! If I knew you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Curtis interrupts, \u201c\u2026were coming you would have baked a cake?\u201d<\/p>\n
Marwan continues, \u201c\u2026 were going to be here, I would have saved you a spot! Sorry, but I think it\u2019s time for me to leave!\u201d He slides down the back of the statue, out of sight.<\/p>\n
6:28 am \u2013 Jack reloads his gun as he and Curtis move towards the back of the statue. When they get there, they see an open door behind the statue that leads to the outside. Marwan is gone. Jack and Curtis run to the parking lot, each jump on a motorcycle, which just happen to conveniently have keys in their ignitions. They start the motorcycles, and head north, still searching for where Marwan went.<\/p>\n
6:33 am \u2013 Manilow and Janosz have actually made their way into the White House, where they\u2019re walking the halls. Manilow attempts to help Janosz speak with less of an accent. Manilow says, \u201cListen, we\u2019ll have to make up a name for you. Uh\u2026 Try \u2018Thomas Lennox\u2019. Try saying that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Janosz says, \u201cTomax Lennos. Tomax Lennos.\u201d<\/p>\n
6:36 am – Julian is outside of the National Aquarium on a pay phone, speaking with Hollywood. Hollywood tells Julian that he\u2019s going to have to change his name to something non-descript, and go into hiding until they can figure out a plan. Julian thinks a minute, and says, \u201cHow about \u2018Hamir Al-Assad\u2019? Is that a good name?\u201d Hollywood says, \u201cSure\u2026 If you\u2019re trying to blend in, in the Mideast! That\u2019s not going to work here!\u201d Julian says that he likes the name and is going to keep it, and asks Hollywood to get a car to the National Aquarium immediately.<\/p>\n
6:38 am \u2013 Jack and Curtis still haven\u2019t been able to find Marwan, so they start to head east. They get a little way down the road, and Curtis notices that the man on the pay phone just up the street has a striking resemblance to Julian. Jack tells him that is only because it IS Julian. Jack speeds up his motorcycle and starts to shoot!<\/p>\n
6:38 am (later on that same minute) \u2013 Julian sees Jack down the street shooting at him, and runs up the steps to the front door of the aquarium. Jack misses. Julian shoots the glass, and doesn\u2019t even slow down and keeps running as the glass shatters all around him.<\/p>\n
6:39 am \u2013 Jack continues to drive at stop speed into the Aquarium foyer, where he skids to a halt. Julian has disappeared at the top of a second set of steps. Jack revs the engine, and speeds to the top of the stairs.<\/p>\n
6:40 am \u2013 Unfortunately, there\u2019s an observation station at the top of the stairs where people can view the tank of a huge shark. Jack doesn\u2019t see this until he barrels over the top of the stars. The front wheel of his motorcycle hits the edge of the observation wall in just the right way so that Jack and his motorcycle hit everything perfectly to jump the shark.<\/p>\n
Jack lands on the other side of the tank with just inches to spare. Jack gets off his motorcycle and chases after Julian.<\/p>\n
6:41 am \u2013 Julian races through the aquarium, and runs through one of the exits. A car pulls up and screeches to a halt. Julian opens the passenger door, jumps in, and yells, \u201cDrive! Drive!\u201d The car\u2019s tires squeal, and it drives off.<\/p>\n
6:42 am \u2013 Jack bursts through the exit, just in time to see the car drive off. Curtis rounds the building on his motorcycle, and Jack waves him over. He tells Curtis to give him the motorcycle so that he can go after the car. Jack gets on the motorcycle and heads after the car. Curtis runs into the building to get the other motorcycle.<\/p>\n
Julian takes a deep breath, ready to yell at the driver, and realizes it\u2019s his brother, Marwan! Marwan does NOT look in any shape to drive, or do much of anything else. He\u2019s gotten considerably paler, and has blood all over him. He turns to Julian and says, \u201cI have the car packed with explosives to defeat Bauer! Brother, join me for life eternal!\u201d Marwan\u2019s maniacal grin is too much for even Julian. Julian opens the passenger door, and jumps out the door as they round a corner! Julian falls out and rolls into some bushes.<\/p>\n
6:44 am \u2013 Jack rounds the corner, sees the car, but doesn\u2019t see that Julian has jumped out of it. The car continues down the road into an area where they\u2019re doing road construction work. Jack gets on the phone and talks with Curtis as he\u2019s driving to let him know what\u2019s happening.<\/p>\n
6:45 am \u2013 Jack leans forward on the motorcycle and speeds up. He pulls out a gun and starts shooting, just as the car heads into a construction area, where they\u2019ve unloaded a steam roller that\u2019s doing pothole work further up the road. Several 18-wheelers, a truck carrying plate glass, and an ice cream supply truck, are making their way around either side of the really huge pothole, but they all are currently stopped for a moving company that is working on taking a piano out of a second story window. One of the construction workers has a radio playing. It happens to be turned to WOMI Radio (motto: \u201cSupplying all your ominous foreshadowing music needs\u201d).<\/p>\n
Marwan swerves to get out of the way of all the traffic in front of him, only to see traffic from the oncoming lane headed straight for him. He turns to avoid the traffic and the tires on one side of the car hit a small ramp being used to unload supplies from a truck on the side of the road. Marwan\u2019s car goes up on two wheels as it continues to speed down the road. Jack stops the motorcycle, takes careful aim, and shoots the gas tank of the car. The gas tank explodes which sends Marwan\u2019s car high into the air, end over end.<\/p>\n
The men with the piano see the car flying through the air, so they make a run for it. The car goes straight through the piano, taking out the lower half of it. Amazingly, it continues to hang from its rope. The car starts to descend, coming close to hitting another truck, this one labeled \u201cACME Anvils and Ball Bearings\u201d. The truck swerves out of control, sending anvils and ball bearings all over the road. Trucks and cars are spinning everywhere. Marwan\u2019s car spins 180 degrees, and we can see that Marwan is still behind the wheel smiling at Jack, just as a stray anvil goes zooming through the driver\u2019s side of the windshield. The force from the anvil hitting the car is so great that the car lurches backwards right into the huge pothole, making Marwan\u2019s flaming car disappear from view.<\/p>\n
Things start to calm down for a few seconds as people scramble to get out of their trucks and cars and to get out of the way. Jack pulls the motorcycle up to the edge of the scene, just as we see Marwan climbing out of the hole! Marwans slips on a couple of the ball bearings, but regains his footing as he pulls out his gun, and tells Jack, \u201cYou can\u2019t defeat me!\u201d<\/p>\n
Jack raises his gun, and shoots the rope holding the remains of the piano, and which crashes right on top of Marwan, sending him back into the pothole. There\u2019s another loud explosion from what\u2019s left of Marwan\u2019s car. Jack takes several steps towards the pothole, and we see the flaming figure of Marwan start to climb up out of the pothole again!<\/p>\n
Jack rolls his eyes and says, \u201cOh, come ON!\u201d He looks to the side and sees the plate glass truck, which until this point has come through unscathed. He decides to scathe it. Jack shoots at the truck, sending glass fragments everywhere. A very large glass shard slides off the truck and appears to go through Marwan at an angle, but Marwan is still standing! Marwan looks down at himself, starts to laugh, and says, \u201cI\u2019m invincible!\u201d<\/p>\n
Marwan raises his gun towards Jack, and says, \u201cGood bye, Mr. Bauer!\u201d He stops suddenly, looks down and says, \u201cOh oh\u2026\u201d. The top half of Marwan slides off diagonally and rolls into the pothole, leaving his bottom half standing there for a second until it falls into the hole too. Another huge explosion from Marwan\u2019s car sends the ice cream supply truck high into the air.<\/p>\n
Jack says, \u201cGoodbye, Marwan\u201d, and shoots the controls at the rear of the asphalt truck. The truck dumps all of its asphalt into the hole, completely covering everything. A huge pile of whipped cream from the ice cream supply truck drops right on top of the asphalt, followed by a the contents of several barrels of sprinkles. A single cherry falls from the sky, and lands right in the middle of the whipped cream.<\/p>\n
Jack gets off his motorcycle and tells Curtis that he thinks they\u2019ve finally gotten the Marwans.<\/p>\n
6:47 am \u2013 Manilow rounds a corner in the White House and comes face to face with Agent Aaron Pierce! Manilow gets a surprised look on his face. He also gets Aaron\u2019s fist planted in his face too. Manilow falls to the ground, and more agents round the corner. In the commotion, Janosz sneaks off down the hallway, and finds an empty office. He closes the door, and starts setting himself up as if he\u2019s always been there.<\/p>\n
6:49 am \u2013 Curtis is with Jack at the site of the Marwan\u2019s demise. Curtis asks where the Marwan brothers are, and Jack points to the freshly covered pothole. Jack calls Chloe, and tells her that the Marwans are dead, and about the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company plot. She tells Jack that Bill has already ordered raids of all branches of the company, along with getting a judge to order that all their assets be frozen, and that RoboEdgar has been ordered home. Jack tells her that she did great work today, and that he and Curtis are headed home too.<\/p>\n
From a distance, we see Julian on the phone, telling Hollywood that he escaped. He tells Hollywood, \u201cI\u2019m going to get Jack Bauer if it\u2019s the last thing I do\u201d.<\/p>\n
6:52 am \u2013 Jack tells Curtis that they should get something to eat. Curtis agrees, and tells Jack that he knows of a 24-hour Chinese restaurant that has high-brow karaoke. Jack looks at Curtis like he\u2019s crazy, but Curtis convinces him to go.<\/p>\n
6:54 am \u2013 Audrey finds a bank. The door is a bit stuck, but she forces it open, and it closes with a loud click behind her. She looks for an ATM, and realizes there isn\u2019t one, so she tries to leave. She starts screaming, but nobody hears her. She\u2019s stuck in there until someone opens up the bank. She settles down and waits for the bank to open so she can conduct her business in some peace and quiet. After all, what could happen while she\u2019s at the bank?<\/p>\n
6:56 am \u2013 Jack and Curtis enter the Wing Sing Dining Thing restaurant. There\u2019s a very large woman singing in another part of the restaurant. Jack and Curtis order their food. Jack excuses himself, telling Curtis he has to use the little CTU agent\u2019s room.<\/p>\n
6:57 am \u2013 Jack enters the Men\u2019s bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror. He briefly attempts to pull the fake beard and mustache off of his face, but it\u2019s still firmly glued there. Jack opens one of the bathroom stalls, and goes in. He turns to close the door, and then quickly turns around again to face the toilet. It\u2019s a low-low-flow toilet from the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company! Jack says, \u201cOh, no\u2026\u201d just as he gets hit in the head from behind. He falls over. Several Chinese men tie Jack up, grab him by the hands and feet, and carry him out of the bathroom, through the kitchen, and out the back door. The Chinese ambassador is standing next to a limousine with its trunk wide open. They throw Jack into the trunk and slam it shut. The ambassador tells the driver that he wants the entire limousine sent back on the boat, and to not let Jack out of the trunk until they\u2019ve reached China. The limousine drives off. The ambassador gets into another car, and drives off with that too.<\/p>\n
6:59 am \u2013 Curtis realizes that Jack has been gone a little too long, and goes into the men\u2019s room. The bathroom is empty. He checks the bathroom stalls. He sees that the Jackphone is on the floor next to the low-low-flow toilet and realizes what must have happened, just as the lady in the restaurant stops singing.<\/p>\n
7:00 am \u2013 That\u2019s all folks!<\/p>\n
Thanks to Dave Barry and Judi Smith for letting me post these episodes on the weblog and to everyone that read the story over the last 24 weeks.<\/p>\n
Thanks also to my wife Mary and to my friend John, both of whom many good suggestions (and corrections) for many of these episodes. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"