Last time on \u201c24\u201d – We found out that: Bill picked the best time to resign from CTU; Cheng can\u2019t afford to buy shirts with sleeves for his commandos; CTU is impenetrable, except for the wire grates that give easy access from the sewers; Marilyn couldn\u2019t deploy her CTU defense couch in time to block the Chinese terrorists; Milo can\u2019t do that bullet catching trick as well as he used to; CTU air vents double as child storage devices; Grampa Bauer plans on kidnapping Josh Bauer to turn him into a Graeme replacement, as soon as he can shave his head, find a Bluetooth headset, and wire glasses.<\/p>\n
The following summary occurred between 3 am and 4 am:<\/p>\n
3:00 am \u2013 Morris puts a black drape over Milo, who looks good in that color. The commandos take Josh away to the tunnel they created for easier access to CTU, and all the adults freak out. Marilyn goes crazy, because Josh still has her car keys. Nadia finally decides to do something, but smashing her face into someone\u2019s gun doesn\u2019t work. Jack gets punched for no apparent reason, but convinces Head Commando that he can keep Marilyn quiet. Head Commando says that they\u2019re going move everyone to a secure room, which is an obvious lie because we already know that no room in CTU is secure.<\/p>\n
3:03 am \u2013 The Chinese commandos with Josh give him a crash course in what it will be like to be in college and explore all the sewers underground, but he seems unimpressed.<\/p>\n
3:04 am \u2013 Head Commando wants everyone split into two groups. The first group has people that aren\u2019t on camera and have no lines, the second group has Marilyn, Morris, Jack, Nadia, and Chloe. Jack and Nadia make a quick plan, which Jack considers a long shot. This means that Jack has a 95 percent chance of succeeding. Chloe wants to know what\u2019s going on, but since she doesn\u2019t have her taser, Jack tells her to keep going. Everyone at CTU springs into action and starts beating up commandos. Jack, of course takes out the Head Commando. We find out he really earned that name \u201cHead Commando\u201d because Jack twists his head to kill him. Just as Nadia is about to be killed, Mike shows up and shoots the guy on Nadia.<\/p>\n
3:06 am \u2013 Jack quickly explains to Mike that the Chinese guys must really be into kidnapping Bauers, but he doesn\u2019t have an explanation why yet. Jack says he needs a tactical setup and a JackPhone \u2013 but Nadia points out that he\u2019s still under arrest\u2026. Everyone laughs at this, and Jack gets going. Chloe tells Nadia that what they did was brave, and seems a little bit upset that she didn\u2019t get to kick anyone\u2019s butt.<\/p>\n
3:07 am \u2013 Jack, Mike and a bunch of CTU tactical guys are headed after Josh through the sewers, getting completely wet because they all forgot their CTU rubber pants.<\/p>\n
Commercial<\/p>\n
3:13 am \u2013 Jack and company continue to walk through the water instead of walking on the cement right next to the water, because it\u2019s much more dramatic that way. Meanwhile, Josh and his new found Chinese friends pop up out of a new hole and Josh is convinced that they\u2019ve arrived in China after seeing Cheng there. Cheng hands Josh a phone. It\u2019s Grampa Bauer. Grampa Bauer explains that he\u2019s really sorry about the whole \u201cdramatic kidnapping\u201d thing, and promises him a fun anti-patriotic renouncement of citizenship and a trip to China. Josh doesn\u2019t want any part of this. Josh and all the Chinese jump into black cars and start to leave.<\/p>\n
3:14 am \u2013 Jack still isn\u2019t done with his Chinese take-out, and pops up through the hole in the floor just in time to shoot at the cars. One car is crippled by shooting out a side-view mirror, which confuses the driver causing the car to crash. By now Mike and more CTU agents are out and shooting. This is more shooting in one scene than we\u2019ve seen for most of the whole season! Jack uses his bullet dodging powers and slides on the floor to shoot a couple more bad guys as he runs after Cheng and Josh, who, like Elvis, have left the building.<\/p>\n
3:16 am \u2013 Jack continues to run after Cheng and Josh, taking out bad guys while on the run, and still finds time to tell everyone where he is and what he\u2019s up to. Cheng throws open a door on the roof and invites Josh to go ahead of him. Josh finally gets the guts to ask \u201cWWUJD?\u201d (What Would Uncle Jack Do?), turns and kicks Cheng down the stairs! Cheng makes the very bad strategic move to get caught on a catwalk with two rails. He\u2019s not going anywhere\u2026. Until Josh accidentally slips from his hiding place underneath that catwalk. Jack looks at him for a moment, just long enough for Cheng to do his best Lo Pan impersonation and disappear! Jack grabs Josh and pulls him to safety. Jack phones Mike, and Mike promises to set up a Curtis memorial perimeter around the building.<\/p>\n
3:19 am \u2013 Jack questions Josh about Cheng. Josh says that Cheng did this unspeakable act, and made him talk to Grampa Bauer. Josh correctly diagnoses Grampa as just a little bit crazy. Jack suddenly realizes that this attempted kidnapping is exactly the same sort of thing that Grampa Bauer used to make Jack and Graeme do as kids, only instead of Chinese, he used squirrels. Mike arrives, and Jack tells him that he\u2019s going to go find Grampa Bauer and ask about this very elaborate trick he just pulled.<\/p>\n
Commercial<\/p>\n
3:25 am \u2013 At the White House, Karen goes to see Noah. Karen says that the Russians have moved two mechanized divisions into the central Asian theatre. Noah thinks he can counter this by moving two Transformer divisions into Grauman\u2019s Chinese Theatre, but Karen says that won\u2019t work. The troops are double high, super duper, extra red level alert. Karen says that she hasn\u2019t seen Tom Lennox weaseling around the White House in the last thirty minutes, so she\u2019s getting really suspicious that something might going on. Noah confirms that Lennox is out shooting a new public service announcement YouTube video with Lisa as the main star. He adds that Lisa hasn\u2019t been paying attention to who she dates from the Internet, since she\u2019s dating someone from Russia, which should have been the first tip off. Noah explains the whole situation to Karen, and then apologizes for keeping her out of the loop, because he knows she doesn\u2019t look good in loops. Noah confesses that he\u2019s been dating Lisa, only in a secret pact known only to them, and their entourage of Secret Service agents. Noah\u2019s a little upset none of those Secret Service guys didn\u2019t say anything about Lisa sneaking around, but he\u2019ll deal with that later. That and the whole Russian War thing that\u2019s about to happen.<\/p>\n
3:28 am \u2013 Lennox is getting the typical YouTube video quality that he expected, still directing the video from a remote van. Lisa and Evil Mark finish interrogating each other, and Lisa goes into another room. Evil Mark goes into the room with Lisa\u2019s purse and hooks her PDA up to his secret device. He looks at it for about thirty seconds right in front of Lisa\u2019s Camera Purse. Mark suddenly realizes he\u2019s on Federal Candid Camera, and puts the PDA away! He must have heard the two way microphone in that purse. Mark goes to get some wine for Lisa, hands it to her and then accuses her of not being as evil as she usually is. Lisa corrects that mistake by smashing a bottle over his head! They fight until Mark pins Lisa to the floor using his hand and her neck. Lennox and the Secret Service break into the room just in time to save Lisa and arrest Mark for being a bad Russian monkey.<\/p>\n
3:33 am \u2013 Lennox goes to talk to Mark, and lays out the situation to Mark: He\u2019s supposed to upload the information about the e-mails, the chip being destroyed, and the secret plot to have Paris Hilton arrested.<\/p>\n
3:34 am \u2013 Cheng calls Grampa Bauer to let him know that Jack has Josh. Grampa Bauer tells Cheng that since he lost Josh, the Chinese won\u2019t get the circuit board back. Cheng promises severe consequences if Grampa doesn\u2019t return the circuit board: no English translations to any Chinese menus, quadruple starch in his underwear sent to Chinese laundries, and the possible return of Audrey\u2019s speech. Even that last one doesn\u2019t scare Grampa, and he tells Cheng that there will be severe consequences too, namely: No more MSG shipments to China, no more free black Hummers to drive in, and a possible return in next season\u2019s \u201c24\u201d. They both get really mad at each other and hang up.<\/p>\n
Commercial<\/p>\n
3:39 am \u2013 Chloe is still trying to get her techs to get the bullets out of the computers when Nadia gets a visit from \u201cBen\u201d from Division. Nadia says that she hadn\u2019t gotten the memo, doesn\u2019t think that Ben should talk to anyone, and that she thinks \u201cmultiplication\u201d is better than \u201cdivision\u201d. Ben says he doesn\u2019t really care what Nadia thinks, \u201cso nah, nah, nah\u201d. He tries to blame the security protocols that the Chinese used to break into CTU, the very same CTU protocols they\u2019ve been using since the late 1950s, are all Nadia\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n
3:41 am \u2013 Ben says he really wants to start a progress impeding investigation right away, and Nadia points him at Bill\u2019s favorite old conference room. Morris tells Nadia that she\u2019s not at fault for any of this, but Nadia won\u2019t listen. She\u2019s still very upset about what happened to Yau-man, and if she hadn\u2019t been distracted by that, none of this wouldn\u2019t have happened.<\/p>\n
3:43 am \u2013 Tom Lennox calls Noah to let him know that they were able to send the Russians the fake messages. Tom suggests calling the Russian President with this information, and that sending flowers probably wouldn\u2019t hurt either. Tom says that he does have some bad news: Lisa was hurt during the operation. Noah asks what in the world was she doing being operated on, but then realizes Tom meant the whole \u201cpass the Russian\u2019s fake information thing\u201d, and gets nostalgic for the 1980s. Tom snaps him out of that and tells him that the lack of oxygen to Lisa\u2019s brain might make her turn out like Audrey. Noah isn\u2019t happy about the implications of having two people like Audrey on the show.<\/p>\n
3:44 am \u2013 Karen says they really have to call Suvarov and get that candy gram to him as soon as possible.<\/p>\n
3:45 am \u2013 Mike tells Jack that Cheng got away, there\u2019s no circuit board to be found and that kneeling in front of a hole in the floor isn\u2019t going to make it go away. Jack calls Marilyn and tells her about the Chinese plans that Grampa has. Marilyn asks to speak with Josh. Josh says that his Uncle Jack kicks butt, and Marilyn says she knows that, plus he has a great show too.<\/p>\n
3:46 am \u2013 Back at the White House, the Cisco-branded tele-presence stations, which look like a bunch of widescreen televisions, are all set to go and ready for Noah to start lying. Noah starts lying, and since it\u2019s his first day on the job as acting President, he does a very bad job of it, because Suvarov sees right through the lie that Noah is telling him. He tells Noah that he had Boris and Natasha watching Evil Mike\u2019s building, so he knows exactly what\u2019s going on. Noah says that he doesn\u2019t like to be threatened, and Suvarov tells him that\u2019s too darn bad. Suvarov says he\u2019ll advance his troops within two hours, or by the end of the show, whichever come first, and hangs up. Noah tells Karen that they\u2019re about to go to war over a piece of circuitry, and Karen just about points out Noah was about to go to war over some bigger pieces of circuitry a little while ago when it looked like he could scare them, but decides not to.<\/p>\n
Commercial<\/p>\n
3:54 am \u2013 Lennox is back at the White House, and he gets a phone call as he\u2019s walking to Noah\u2019s briefing with the military. Noah is in the Oval Office telling everyone what everyone at home already knows: The slick plan to make the Russians think that everything is OK wasn\u2019t as slick as they had hoped. Tom interrupts and says that he needs Noah and Karen alone. Noah says he\u2019s flattered, but then realizes that Tom doesn\u2019t mean that and tells the generals in the room to leave.<\/p>\n
3:55 am \u2013 Tom says that Grampa Bauer is on the phone, and wants to speak with Noah. Grampa says that all he wants to have are Josh, free passage to a country of his choice, and to get off of this stupid show. Noah is surprised to hear that Grampa was working with the Chinese, and wants to know if Grampa is bluffing. Grampa reads the serial number off of the circuit board, 3PTL3, gives his demands and hangs up.<\/p>\n
3:57 am \u2013 Karen asks how Noah can even entertain the idea of giving Grampa what he wants, especially after everything else he was involved with today. Noah points out that they all accepted roles on this show, so it\u2019s everyone\u2019s fault for not stopping this ridiculous plot. Karen says that\u2019s not what she meant, and says she meant the bombs. Besides, Grampa is a sociopath! Noah asks Tom\u2019s advice, and Tom agrees that Grampa is a sociopath, but he thinks that entertainment is the only option.<\/p>\n
3:58 am \u2013 Noah says, \u201cNone of this makes any sense\u201d, and millions of people at home nod their heads up and down. Karen and Tom don\u2019t realize what he really means, and point out that Suvarov might be having problems of his own, such as the military pressing for more action, more generals that want to blow things up, and possibly, quite possibly, a Russian version of the plot from this season of \u201c24\u201d. Noah says there\u2019s no choice, they have to get this show to end as soon as possible and asks to talk to CTU.<\/p>\n
3:59 am \u2013 Jack takes Josh to a car and tells him that everything is going to be OK, which is a clear sign that everything is about NOT to be OK. Someone tells Jack that he has a call for Jack. Jack goes to take the phone call, and Mike grabs Josh and drags him into a helicopter! Mike is taking Josh! Jack yells a lot, but his voice isn\u2019t enough to bring down the helicopter. The helicopter takes off!<\/p>\n
4:00 am \u2013 Time\u2019s up!<\/p>\n
NEXT TIME ON \u201c24\u201d: BILL IS BACK! PLANES! HELICOPTERS! CHLOE LOOKS HURT! CHENG DOWN! EXPLOSIONS! SEASON FINALE! TWO HOUR BLOGGING SESSION! NO MORE \u201c24\u201d SUMMARIES UNTIL NEXT JANUARY! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"