The Hollywood-Looking head terrorist has enlisted the aid of Janosz, who specializes trying to bring back madmen back from the grave. Janosz has been successful in bringing back Marwan from the dead. Manilow has unsuccessfully tried to warn acting-president Aaron about the plot in order to save his own reputation, only to find that Hollywood has been behind the whole thing. A couple of brave people tried to get Audrey to a hospital, only to crash their ambulance. Audrey is now wandering the streets of Hollywood. Chloe and Curtis traveled to the Midwest in search of Jack. Jack was taken to a doctor by a man and woman that appeared to be an Amish couple. As Chloe and Curtis catch up with Jack, RoboEdgar lands near them. Jack has ordered the members of the Lawn Rangers to surround the group as they prepare for RoboEdgar’s attack.
The following happened between 2 pm and 3 pm, and we were stuck behind someone writing a check, so we might have missed something when we switched to a shorter line.
2:00 pm – The Yoders and the doctor, Johan, run out of the house after Jack, just as Jack tells Chloe and Curtis to get down on the ground. RoboEdgar could start firing his guns at any moment. Chloe tells Jack that she has an idea. She pulls something out of her purse and pushes her way past the Lawn Rangers and starts walking slowly to RoboEdgar. Jack hits the dirt. Curtis says, “Oh, yeah, this will end well” and Curtis hits the dirt too. Jack calls to Chloe to try and get her to come back.
2:01 pm – Chloe holds her hands up over her head as she tried to talk to RoboEdgar. Chloe says, “Edgar! It’s me! Chloe!” RoboEdgar stops, and tilts his head in very much the same way a dog does when it’s trying to understand you. Well, very much the same way, if the dog weighed about two thousand pounds and was completely covered in metal. Chloe gets closer to RoboEdgar, and holds out what she grabbed from her purse and tries to give it to him. Curtis says that it’s that candy bar that Chloe bought at the gas station when they refueled. Jack is yelling at Chloe now, and tells her that feeding RoboEdgar is exactly the wrong thing to do. Chloe turns around and tells Jack that she knows what she’s doing. One of RoboEdgar’s guns changes back into a hand, and he grabs the candy bar out of her hand and pushes her to the ground.
2:03 pm – RoboEdgar eats the whole candy bar and takes two steps towards Jack. The Lawn Rangers all switch their mowers to mulch as they prepare for the attack. RoboEdgar suddenly stops. We see his eye roll upward, and he falls over backward. Chloe moves out of the way just in time.
2:04 pm – Everything is really quiet. Chloe stands up and tells Jack that he should have believed her. Jack asks what was in the candy bar. Chloe tells him that it wasn’t a candy bar; it was a granola bar. The health food was something completely foreign to RoboEdgar and when he consumed it, it made his system go haywire.
2:06 pm – Hollywood-looking terrorist guy gets a phone call. It’s Manilow again. He tells the Hollywood that he’s got really good news. Hollywood asks if Jack Bauer is dead yet. Manilow says no, but he did save a lot of money on his car insurance. Hollywood hangs up the phone. He turns to Janosz, and tells him that he needs to go after Marwan to help him with the secondary plan. Janosz doesn’t seem to understand who this Marwan guy is. Hollywood patiently explains this to him, and Janosz says “Oh! You mean Vigo!” Hollywood says “Yeah, sure, whatever” and Janosz leaves, humming the theme from Ghostbusters.
2:11 – Chloe bends down to look at RoboEdgar, and finds a small metallic box attached to his neck. She tells Jack that it’s some sort of control device, and pulls it off of RoboEdgar. It has the label “Acme Remote Control”. Chloe says that she’s bought a lot of Acme’s stuff on the internet, and while they seem to have quite a number of road runner capture devices, the rest of their stuff is pretty good. That and they have incredibly fast delivery services. Chloe says she’s going to see what she can find out about RoboEdgar.
2:14 – Jack thanks the members of the Lawn Rangers for their help. The Rangers resume their normal Lawn Ranger activities. Jack and Curtis head toward the Yoders. Curtis tells Jack that this all seems to be really familiar, but he’s guessing that it has to do with the day long “Witness” movie marathon he watched last week. Jack says that this place seems familiar because it’s one of the Midwest bases of CTU!
2:16 – The Yoders and Johan explain to Curtis that over a hundred years ago, in order to have covert agents throughout the country, they came up with the whole “Amish” idea. They figured that if the entire set-up looked like a quaint country tourist attraction, no one would ever be the wiser. Johan tells Jack that what they’re about to see might be a bit of a surprise. They go inside the Johan’s house.
2:18 – Audrey is wandering down Hollywood Blvd, when she comes up in front Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. She spends several minutes there, trying to get her feet to conform to her favorite movie star, and starts crying when she can’t do it. A staff member from the Theatre comes out to see why Audrey is scaring away customers, and she sniffles that she can’t get her feet to match Lassie’s footprints.
2:20 – Cheney Looking Guy walks into Acting President Aaron’s office, and says that Aaron will be relieved to know that they’ve found a perfect replacement for Manilow. They’ve decided to go with President Allstate’s brother Wayne. Aaron says that it was an honor being shot at when he was with Wayne, and that Wayne would do well as president. Cheney Looking Guy says that they wanted to put someone likeable into the presidency after Manilow. Aaron says that even he knows that they succession to the line of the president doesn’t really work like that, and that the Speaker of House would be next. Cheney Looking Guy says that even the Speaker wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot pole. So, what they plan to do is make Wayne the Secretary of Defense while Secretary Heller is off missing. The Speaker of the House, the President Pro Tempore of the Senate, the Secretary of State, the Secretary of Treasury, and the Head Chef of the White House kitchens all turn down the job, and voila! Wayne will be president. Aaron agrees that President Wayne has a nice ring to it.
2:21 – Agent Morris finally arrives at Hollywood’s secret lair, and Hollywood seems completely startled to see him. Hollywood asks how he was able to find the lair. Did he question Manilow? Did he interrogate one of the Henchmen? Morris pulls out “Hollywood Maps of The Diabolical”, points at their location, and suggests that they move to a new hideout.
2:26– Johan takes them back down stairs into the communications area, and over to an office. One wall is covered with pictures that look like they date back from the 1800s. Each one of them has a picture of an Amish man that looks a lot like Jack, with the name “Jack Bauer” under each of them. Johan tells Jack that these guys are relatives of his, and the last person to hold a secret security clearance was Jack’s grandfather, Jack. They all figured that a name like “Jack Bauer” was the perfect “Amish” cover. Johan explains that Jack’s parents took him away from all that, and that’s why he doesn’t remember any of this life. Jack mumbles something about this all explaining this strange attraction to horse buggies.
2:29 – One of the terrorist henchmen that Hollywood hired is in a military-style plane flying over some corn fields. He calls Hollywood on the phone, and wants to know if he should still carry out the attack. Hollywood says yes, and the henchman puts down the cell phone, grabs a pizza box and walks out of the plane. Another henchman picks up the phone and tells Hollywood that the attack just went to deliver a carry out. Hollywood smacks himself in the forehead and tells the second henchman that he just wants the plan run just the way they discussed, and then hangs up.
2:31 – Jack calls Bill back at CTU, tells him that RoboEdgar has been disabled. He also tells him that Chloe is working on RoboEdgar. Bill tells Jack that since RoboEdgar is disabled, and since he had a pretty hard day yesterday, he can take the rest of today off.
2:32 – A huge crash from somewhere above them scares everyone in the underground communications center. Jack up the stairs and into the main part of the house. He looks at the ceiling and sees that part of it has buckled, but not fallen in. Outside we hear an airplane that’s pretty low to the ground, and then another loud THUD and a SPLAT. We hear Chloe yell, “THAT’S DISGUSTING!”
2:33 – Jack runs out of the building, and he looks into the sky to see the plane headed away from them, and shoots at it a couple of times just because he hasn’t shot anything in some time now. He looks up at the building, and a really big shark is on top of the house. He looks over where Chloe is and she’s about ten feet from another shark that splattered all over the street.
2:35 – Hollywood gets a phone call. It’s the second henchman. He informs that the shark attack on Jack Bauer proved to be unsuccessful. Hollywood carefully explains to him that a shark attack happens in water, NOT in the middle of cornfields in the Midwest, and that they were supposed to go to a secondary plan when they left Miami! The henchman unsuccessfully tries to point out that it wasn’t actually in a cornfield; it was in the middle of the street. Hollywood doesn’t seem to appreciate this angle very much. He orders the henchman to do things right this time, and says “I want you to make sure it looks like an accident!”
2:39 – Jack calls Bill to tell him that there’s still something going on, and that wants to know the position of the plane that just flew over the town. Bill says “up”, and Jack says that he wants to know where the plane is run now. Bill still says “up”, and Jack finally gives in and tells him to let him know if Bill can figure out where a plane carrying two large dead sharks came from, where it’s going, and why they landed here. The sharks, not the plane. And not so much landed, as splattered.
2:40 – Curtis is asking the Yoders questions about the Midwest, still fascinated by the wide-open spaces, and the opportunity to lay out even larger perimeters.
2:41 – Chloe calls over Jack and Curtis, and tells them that she thinks she can fix RoboEdgar. They both cross their legs and wince, and she says she means that she can repair him. Jack tells her to do what she can.
2:43 – Cheney Looking Guy is standing with Wayne Palmer and some of the White House kitchen and gardening staff in front of a video conference with the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. The Head Chef of the White House Kitchens doesn’t look very pleased about this whole situation, since HE could have been the President. Cheney Looking Guy leans over and tells him that he’ll get his own personal solid gold Kitchen Aid Mixer with all the attachments, and the Chef seems a lot happier. The Chef asks Cheney Looking Guy if he can at least get a military band to play “Hail to the Chef” at least once, and CLG tells him not to press his luck. Wayne is sworn in as President.
2:45 – Audrey has been abandoned by the theatre staff, who have gone in to call the police. A black car with tinted windows pulls up in front of the theatre. Someone rolls down the window and calls her name. Audrey goes over to the car, puts her whole upper body into the car and says “Well! Hello there!” The car pulls away from the curb, Audrey’s legs wildly kicking in air while she tries to get the rest of herself in the car.
2:46 – Chloe tells Jack and Curtis, “I think I’ve got it”. She presses a button in RoboEdgar’s lower back. RoboEdgar suddenly opens his eyes, and sits straight up, startling everyone. RoboEdgar turns his head, sees Chloe and says, “Glowie, eye nerve her mend too herd Annie won. Theme aid me. Thee won Ted meat two herd Jag. Wee half tooths hop hem.” He slumps back over with a loud crash.
2:47 – Jack and Curtis look at each other and then back at Chloe. Chloe says that there’s something wrong about how he’s speaking, and Jack assures her that they’ve figured that out. Curtis asks if Chloe understood what RoboEdgar just said. Chloe rolls her eyes and says, that yes, she did. In fact she is an expert in many languages. Curtis asks her to say something in Fortran. Chloe ignores this, and Jack asks what language that was. Chloe said it was English, just a little mispronounced. Chloe tells them RoboEdgar said, “Chloe, I never meant to hurt anyone. They made me. They wanted me to hurt Jack. We have to stop them.”
2:48 – Jack calls Bill and says “Someone is trying to kill me”. Bill says that this is no cause for alarm, since stuff like this happens to Jack all the time. Bill says he’ll call into the CTU organization there, and have them arrange for a trip to an airport.
2:53 – Chloe tells Jack that she better stay here with RoboEdgar until he can be completely repaired. Johan assures Jack they have a state of the art facility there, and Chloe will be able to do the necessary repairs to RoboEdgar there. Jack tells her to get back to Los Angeles as soon as she can.
2:54 – Cheney Looking Guy escorts the newly sworn in President Wayne Palmer into the LA office of the President. President Wayne’s first act is to order the entire contents of Manilow’s Barbie collection removed from his desk, and returned to him.
2:55 – A car drives up to Jack and Curtis. They thank the Yoders and Johan for their help, and drive off down the road. Then they back up and ask for directions to the airport. They thank them again, and drive in the correct direction this time.
2:56 – Curtis and Jack get a little way out of town, when they notice a tow truck helping a couple of cars at the side of the road. One of the guys is on a cell phone.
2:57 – The guy on the cell phone is actually the henchman, and he’s getting chewed out by Hollywood…again. Hollywood says, “When I say ‘Make it look like an accident’, I mean, ‘Make Jack Bauer’s death look like an accident’!”
2:58 – Bill receives a phone call, listens, and says “Well, you’ll have to come up with a bigger threat than that!” and hangs up.
2:59 – Jack receives a phone call and puts it on speakerphone, and the person at the other end of the line says “CTU doesn’t seem to care about this, but I think you will. We have Audrey Reigns here, and unless you do as you’re told, you’ll never see her again!” The person at the end of the line hangs up. Curtis tries to give Jack a “high five”, but you can tell Jack is in no mood for that.
3:00 – Time’s up!