Previously on “24” – We found out: You should never ask Jack for a choker necklace; It is much more dramatic to walk through sewer water than walk on cement right next to it; If you ever corner a Chinese diplomat on a cat walk, he’ll disappear into thin air if you turn your back on him; Jack’s dad was really trying to make a good impression on the Chinese for his visa application, but that fell through; Whenever anyone new arrives at CTU to “take over”, they act like jerks; If there’s one way to fool Jack Bauer, it’s to distract him with a phone call.
The following summary takes place between 4 am and 5 am:
4:00 am – A helicopter playing weird angel voices flies over the ocean, really freaking Josh out. Mike tells Josh that they’re going to hand him over to Grampa Bauer, but it’s OK because they have a tracking device and nothing bad happened to the last guy that happened to.
4:02 am – A CTU tactical guy places Jack “in custody”, which is likely to be a very temporary situation, since Jack always figures a way out. Jack calls Chloe who informs him that CTU has ordered him placed “in custody” while they figure out this whole Grandpa Bauer thing. Jack asks to speak to Karen.
4:04 am – At the White House, it has been a full day, and no one except Lisa has changed clothes, so it’s beginning to smell like day 39 on Survivor around there. Noah is on the phone with President Suvarov, because the big television screen special effect has been sent to another show. Noah tells him that he’s authorized an exchange for the component. During President Suvarov’s little speech, Karen gets the call from Jack. Jack points out that Grandpa Bauer has been lying this whole time, yet everyone at the White House believes he’ll go through with the plan, because they’re SURE that little thing with the nuclear weapons a few hours and plots ago was just a mistake. Jack tells her to stop it, and the music track for the show slows down, much like the plot.
4:07 am – Karen tells Lennox about Jack’s call, and points out that Jack has been right a lot more than anyone else. Lennox does the old CYA, and tells Karen that she can do what she wants, and if that’s letting Jack loose to finally stop this season from continuing, he’s fine with that.
4:08 am – The FBI is getting ready for a garage sale over at Bill’s apartment when he gets a phone call from Karen. She tells him about Grampa Bauer, and that CTU has Jack in custody, because someone wants this season to never end. Karen tells Bill to do whatever he can to stop the exchange of Josh for the circuit board.
4:11 am – The helicopter with Josh and Mike lands, and Mike tells Josh that whatever happens, don’t let anyone cut off his arm because they’ll never find him. Mike goes out to stalk a Port-o-Potty, and the coast is clear. He goes back to get Josh, but instead of taking him to the Port-o-Potty, he goes to a picnic table and calls CTU.
4:12 am – Surprise! Grandpa Bauer figured out a way to get into the impenetrable CTU computer network! Who would have thought? He wants the satellite uplink to point to something more interesting, so CTU turns it off. Grandpa is afraid of helicopters, so Mike orders that to go too. Mike tells Josh to act like this is a completely normal kidnapping, looks down at his cell phone, and is relieved that he had the cell on mute. Grandpa tells Josh that he wants to make him into a successful homicidal maniac, unlike his father who was an unsuccessful homicidal maniac.
4:19 am – It is the worst BBQ ever at the picnic table. Mike’s still a rookie at this, so he asks Nadia for permission to shoot someone after they get the circuit board back. We all know Jack would never do something so fundamentally stupid as “asking for permission”. Nadia, of course, says “no”.
4:20 am – Phone call from Karen to Nadia. Karen wants to fill a little time during the show that could be used for some shooting, and just asks Nadia about how everything is going with the operation. Even Nadia thinks Karen should wait until some exciting plot development happens, but understands about Karen filling time. Karen wants to watch what’s happening with Jack, so she gets the security code from Nadia. The access code is ACN. No wonder CTU has such poor security – they use three letter codes!
4:21 am – Chloe tells Nadia that Marilyn has a security problem in a unsecured room in a very insecure portion of CTU, so Nadia leaves.
4:22 am – Marilyn argues with a security guard, who isn’t being paid enough to talk back, and wants to know where Josh is. Marilyn is freaking out, because Josh got to ride a helicopter and she didn’t. Nadia calls Morris, who she tells to call security, so they can come and take Marilyn away. That’s despite having a phone to call security herself, or better yet just having security right there in the room with her call, er, security.
4:23 am – Chloe isn’t very happy about the exchange they’re making with Josh, because she thinks that circuit board is a lot more interesting than Josh has been so far. Morris agrees, but says they’re under orders. Chloe and Morris argue a while, rehashing the plot so far. Nadia overhears this, and tells Chloe that if the signal in Josh’s arm goes down even a little, to call her. Nadia also says if it goes down a lot, like if someone cuts off his hand, Chloe should call her even more quickly.
4:24 am – Back at the picnic table, there’s finally a helicopter coming and it looks suspiciously like something they’re used previously in the show, so Mike calls Morris. Morris says it’s probably just a helicopter that’s being returned before the end of the show. He also tells Mike that he thinks that Mike is doing the absolutely right thing, and Mike tells him that if he wanted his opinion, he would have asked Morris to make him pass out in a choke hold like Jack did.
4:25 am – Jack and his CTU handlers are driving down the completely deserted streets of LA, when a driver from South Florida nearly runs them off the road honking their horn, because the CTU truck had the gall to actually be in their own lane. The CTU truck drives off the road, the driver stops, and it is Bill! I had no idea Bill learned to drive in South Florida. The driver of the CTU truck gets out and recognizes Bill, while back in the truck, Jack takes the opportunity to take away the other CTU guy’s gun. Bill walks down the hill with his hands in touchdown position. While Bill makes small talk with the driver, Jack takes the opportunity to hit someone! Finally! Someone gets hit, and it’s only about half an hour into the show. Jack gets out of the truck and knocks the driver out too. Jack and Bill run off to Bill’s pickup truck, and they drive off. Bill is very excited to be out on a CTU mission with Jack.
4:31 am – Back at CTU, Chloe goes over and hugs Milo’s brother Stewart, who has just arrived. Stewart looks pretty upset that Milo isn’t leaving the building in the same condition he arrived in.
4:32 am – Karen’s laptop is on the fritz, so she calls Bill to say goodbye just before the RIAA comes to arrest her for those music downloads she did.
4:33 am – Nadia introduces herself to Stewart to let him know that she’s really sorry about Milo. Stewart points out that Milo was in love with her, and Nadia has a look on her face like “NOW they tell me”. Nadia leaves the room to take a phone call.
4:35 am – It’s Chloe. Chloe tells Nadia that their crack field agents are handcuffed to a car, and they’re still looking around for the candid camera. When Nadia returns to the room, Stewart is gone! Or he’s hiding in a locker. We can’t tell which.
4:36 am – Josh pleads with Mike to not let him go with Crazy Grandpa Bauer. Josh just doesn’t like watching the “Murder She Wrote” channel as much as Grandpa does, and he’s scared. Mike promises to find Josh, and that he’ll only have to watch a little “Murder She Wrote”, probably just long enough for the police on that show to realize that Angela Landsbury is always around when people are being killed.
4:37 am – Nadia calls Mike, and tells him that Jack is on the way with Bill. Mike is pretty upset because he really wants to be the New Jack. Josh is excited that Jack Classic is on the way.
4:41 am – Noah goes to visit Karen, who is in detention. Noah explains the plot that just happens a few minutes ago. Noah wants to know what the heck she was thinking, and she starts to explain that her agent said it was going to be a good job. Noah tells Karen that’s not what she meant, but that Karen and Bill are in HUGE trouble about this whole Jack thing. Noah then goes on to say that if Jack doesn’t prevent this from happening, “Any blood that spills will be on you!” Karen says, “Yuck! I just got this dress”, and then realizes what Noah really meant.
4:43 am – Mike gets a call from Crazy Grandpa, who tells them to walk to the water. Chloe tracks Josh, since he still has his arm on, but she looks pretty tired. Even Morris notices.
4:44 am – A couple of guys in a boat drive up to shore. Mike and one of the guys point their guns at each other in a very menacing way, and argue about who should move first. Finally the guy from the boat drops a silver case on the ground, and Mike forgets the old “Silver Case That Explodes” trick. While Mike is rolling around on the ground, the boat guy grabs Josh. Just as they start to leave, Jack and Bill arrive. There’s a brief exchange of gunfire, which completely misses Jack because he hides behind a thin post.
4:45 am – On the boat, the boat guy calls Grandpa, who orders Josh to be scanned. Boat Guy says that Josh doesn’t have any UPC codes visible, but scans him anyway. They find the tag, and fortunately for Josh, they use a laser to short out the tracker in his arm. Gredenko probably would have loved to know about that little trick.
4:46 am – Chloe immediately sees that the tracker has been lost because instead of the little blip going away, her whole screen goes blank. Jack calls Nadia, and tells her about the explosion that hit Mike in the face. Mike looks like he won’t be recognizable at the Silver Spoons reunion show.
4:53 am – Lennox comes in to let Noah know that nothing was found during the last commercial break. Noah points out that Karen was right and he was wrong. Noah finally realizes that Wayne had been right this whole time, and that sitting in the President’s chair is a lot harder than he thought. Lennox points out that making Karen a scapegoat wouldn’t be a good idea, because everyone will let the press know that Noah is pretty much a nutcase.
4:55 am – The medics have arrived to help Mike. Jack tells Nadia that Mike might be blind in one or both eyes, so he’s going to require a special CTU seeing-eye dog to go out on missions. Nadia tells Jack that she’s sorry that no one believed him, and you can just tell that Jack wants to tell her that no one EVER believes him. Chloe breaks in and tells Jack that’ll be next to be impossible to find that little boat, and Jack realizes it’s probably an oil rig their headed too. Jack’s pretty excited about this because he knows that oil is highly flammable.
4:56 am – At the oil platform, Cheng and Crazy Grandpa wait for Josh to arrive. Grandpa and Cheng argue a bit about whose fault all this is, and Cheng leaves. Grandpa makes a weird face while looking out over the ocean, almost as if he’s picking up signals from Jack. I can’t even explain that one.
4:59 am – Meanwhile, back at CTU, Chloe either needs her contact lens prescription filled or Morris is messing with the focus on her computer monitor. She gets up to talk to Morris, and she passes out!
5:00 am – Time’s up!
NEXT TIME ON 24: IS COMING UP NEXT!