24 – Two Days Later – Hour 5
The following takes place between 11 pm and 12 midnight
11:00 pm – Jack and Bill are completely disoriented. The side of Jack’s face is bleeding. Some men wearing red shirts run towards Jack and Bill, but none of them seems to want to be the person in the lead. It looks like they’re all afraid to be first. Jack thinks he and Bill are in danger and tries to shoot his gun, but it won’t fire! He tries a couple more times, but it just clicks. Finally, in frustration, Jack throws his gun at the men. The gun hits some kind of invisible barrier and bounces to the floor. Bill starts to run away from the men, takes about two steps, and hits another invisible barrier and falls to the ground.
The men on the other side of the barrier see the gun bounce to the ground and start laughing nervously as Bill gets up. One of them says, “Wow! That’s the first time we’ve ever been in a fight and one of us DIDN’T die. No one is going to believe us!”
11:02 pm – “I’ll believe you, Mister,” says a man in a yellow shirt as he arrives to the scene. He’s followed by a tall man with black hair, and strange ears. Bill leans over to Jack and says, “That guy looks like he had his head caught in a mechanical rice-picker!”
The man in yellow continues, “Your weapons were disabled as soon as you came aboard, thanks to Mr. Spock here. Now, do you mind telling me what you’re doing on my ship?”
Jack and Bill look at each other. Jack realizes he doesn’t have much to bargain with, so he decides to tell the truth, “My name is Jack Bauer. I work for CTU Los Angeles. This is Bill Buchanan We have been chasing after some terrorists for the last few hours. Every hour…. come to think of it, nearly EXACTLY every hour, we get thrown some new place.”
Bill says, “We’ve been in a house with a family, to an island, in a bar, and now we’re at sea aboard whatever kind of ship this is you have here.”
Spock says, “Fascinating! Captain, I believe these men are telling the truth. From their appearance, I would say they were from the late twentieth or early twenty-first century. How they got here, I’m not certain.”
Bill says, “Wait, wait, wait….what did you just say….?”
The Captain says to Bill, “What makes you think you’re at sea?”
Bill says, “Well, you did say you were on a ship. Where else would it be?”
11:04 pm – The man in yellow looks at Spock and says, “I believe you’re right.” He addresses Jack and Bill, “Gentleman, you’re aboard the U.S.S Enterprise. You’re not at sea, you’re aboard a starship! I’m Captain James T. Kirk.”
Jack asks, “What century is this?”
Spock raises an eye brow, “In human terms, you’re in the twenty-third century.”
Bill throws up his hands in frustration, “Well that’s just great!” Bill starts pacing around.
Spock says, “We’re docked at Starbase Alpha-Centi-Muldooni-Solati-Gelato 12, orbiting Beta-Mega-Ultra-Vita-Meta-Vegamin….”
Kirk says to Spock, “Wait, I thought we were at Starbase Beta-Mega-Ultra-Vita-Meta-Vegamin orbiting, Alpha-Centi-Muldooni-Solati-Gelato 12… ?”
Spock says, “A common mistake, the people of…”
11:05 pm – Jack interrupts, “Look we’re missing two of our people. We have to find them.”
Kirk doesn’t seem all that concerned, “We’ll do a scan for them on the ship and ask the starbase to do the same. In the mean time, you should go down to sick bay and have that looked at.”
11:07 pm – Morris and Chloe are in a bar, somewhere on the star base. The other people in the bar are completely oblivious to them. Chloe is having an argument with the computer they’re using to order drinks. She says, “All I want is a Seven-up!”
The computer replies, “That is an ancient beverage. Please request something more modern… and while you’re at it, pick something better to wear, dear.” Morris tells her to quiet down and to stop drawing attention to herself. Chloe ignores this and threatens to dismantle the computer.
Meanwhile, one of the Chinese terrorists is sitting at the far end of the bar watching Chloe and Morris.
11:12 pm – Jack and Bill are in sick bay. Jack is sitting on a table jutting out from the wall. He’s being looked after by someone who’s introduced himself as Dr. McCoy. A nurse stands nearby, holding a clipboard. Jack says, “What can you tell us about what’s going on here? What’s happened since the twenty-first century?”
Dr. McCoy yells, “I’m a doctor, not a historian! Now, sit still!” He pulls out a little cylinder and holds it over Jack. The top of it starts to flash and make a weird noise.
Jack asks, “What is that?”
Dr. McCoy stops and looks at the cylinder. “I use it to calm people down. This really doesn’t do anything.” He throws the cylinder over his shoulder. Dr. McCoy says, “Now hold still.”
11:13 pm – Somewhere on the ship, there’s a loud explosion. Both the nurse and Dr. McCoy stumble over to the left side of the room, pause for a minute, and then stumble over the right side of the room. Jack and Bill don’t move at all.
Bill asks, “Why are you doing that?”
McCoy looks at him and says, “You know, I’m not sure. Back at the academy, they told us whenever we heard an explosion we had to stumble to our left and then to our right. Sometimes we stumble to our right and then back over to the left. If it’s really bad, sometimes we do it a couple of times.”
Jack asks, “Does that help?”
McCoy shrugs, “Not really.”
11:14 pm – A speaker near Jack’s bed plays a whistling noise, and a woman’s voice says, “Dr. McCoy, Captain Kirk has requested that you beam down to the planet immediately. Someone has taken a shuttle craft from the starbase to the planet, and he wants to investigate.”
McCoy tells Jack, “You go get yourself down to the bar on the starbase. Nurse Chapel will take you there. Don’t worry. We’ll find your friends for you.”
Before Jack can say anything, McCoy leaves.
11:15 pm – The nurse escorts Bill and Jack through the ship and onto the starbase. Bill and Jack discuss what to do next. They take a few turns and enter a bar. Chloe and Morris see Jack and Bill immediately, and run up to them. The nurse says, “I guess you found your friends!”
Chloe looks at the nurse and says, “Your voice is that same as the one the computer uses.”
The nurse says, “Uh… That’s a complete coincidence!”, and runs out of the bar.
11:16 pm – Chloe gives Jack a hug, and while she’s doing so, she sees the Chinese terrorist that is sitting across the room. Chloe whispers, “Jack, behind you!” Jack quickly turns around. The terrorist jumps up, points his gun at Jack and tries to shoot. Nothing happens.
Jack runs towards the man, first stepping onto a chair, then onto a table, and yells as he leaps from table to tackle the terrorist. They struggle, until Jack gets them better of him. Jack yells, “What have you been doing! Why has this been happening? Why are you here?”
The terrorist starts to laugh, but stops when Jack tightens his grip. Jack reaches for a bar glass, smashes it and shoves the jagged-edge glass right into the guy’s leg. The man screams. Jack yells, “WHY ARE YOU HERE?”
The terrorist yells, “Gathering Trilithium….gathering trilithium! Please stop!” Red-shirted security guards surround Jack.
11:18 pm – Another man in a red shirt, someone who looks a bit older than the others, comes into the bar and sees Jack. He says, “What are you doing, lad? Don’t you know you can’t just go doing that around here?”
Jack apologizes, “I’m sorry, that man attacked me, and I have to know what they’re doing so I can put a stop to it.”
The man shakes his head, “No, no… I’m talking about the whiskey glass you just smashed! What an awful shame! Who’s that?”
Jack explains that this is one of the men that he’s been looking for, and asks to see Captain Kirk. The man tells everyone his name is Mr. Scott, chief engineer. Mr. Scott tells them he’ll take them to see Captain Kirk personally. “He asked me to keep an eye on you”, says Mr. Scott. Mr. Scott orders, “Take this man to the brig, and have Nurse Chapel go there to treat him.”
11:19 pm – Everyone follows Mr. Scott into a room. In the room, a man is standing by a control panel in front of a platform. The man tells everyone to get up onto platform, and stand on one of the pads. Morris starts singing, “STOP! In the Name of Love!” complete with hand gestures, but when no one else joins his impromptu singing, he stops.
Mr. Scott tells a man that there are five to “beam down” to Captain Kirk’s location, and joins everyone on the platform.
11:20 pm – A second later, they’re all standing with Captain Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. There are bushes and trees all around them. They can see towers rising above a town in the distance. Bill asks, “What the heck just happened?”
Spock replies, “Your molecular structure was broken down, transmitted to the surface of this planet, and then reassembled.” Bill gives him a blank stare.
McCoy leans over and tells Bill, “He means they scrambled you up there, and sent you down here. How many fingers am I holding up?” He holds up three fingers.
Bill says, “Three… ?”
McCoy says, “Good! You’re fine. Sometimes if that thing isn’t calibrated right…. Well, let’s just say the last person I asked how many figures I was holding up answered ‘Tibet’”.
11:21 pm – Kirk says, “Ah, now I have all my senior officers here. Good! Now let’s get going!”
Jack looks at him and says, “Uh… I have a question: If you’ve got all your senior officers down here…. What’s going on back at your ship?”
[The scene briefly shifts to show a wild party happening aboard the Enterprise].
Mr. Scott says, “Never mind that! The lad here found one of the people he’s after!”
11:22 pm – Jack explains what happened at the bar on the starbase while they’re walking along the path to town. Mr. Scott yells, “Everyone take cover!” They dive for the bushes, and several men walk past. They’re dressed in some kind of military outfits, and they have green faces.”
Mr. Scott whispers, “Klingons!”
11:25 pm – Morris asks, “What the heck are cling ons?”
Kirk explains, “Klingons! Klingons! They’re a savage race of alien warriors who value combat and honor above all else. They will stop at nothing to gain control of the galaxy!” Bill whispers to Jack, “Sounds like Microsoft”.
Morris says, “Aliens? They look human! Well… humans with green skin and prosthetic foreheads… but still! They look pretty human to me.”
McCoy says, “What? You don’t see how different they look than us? What’s wrong with you?” He pulls out something that looks like a cassette recorder and starts waving it around Morris.
11:26 pm – Kirk tells Jack, “Things have just gotten more dangerous. You’re going to need one of these.” Kirk hands Jack something that looks like a toy ray gun.
Jack says, “What’s this supposed to…..” He accidentally pulls the trigger and vaporizes a bird. Jack is impressed, “I could get used to this!”
11:27 pm – Kirk tells Jack, “Be careful with that thing! You had it on the strongest setting and could have killed any one of us!”
Jack asks what other settings there are, and Spock explains, “The standard issue phaser has nine settings: Nudge, Bother, Tickle, Astonish, Stun, Baffle, Clench, Fry and Kill.”
They all head towards the city.
11:33 pm – Spock says, “I have to warn you, this planet is rich with Dihydrogen Monoxide, a substance known to case burns in gaseous form and it can kill if inhaled.”
Bill looks very alarmed until Chloe says, “Dihydrogen Monoxide is WATER!” She turns to Spock and says, “What’s wrong with you?”
McCoy tells her, “Don’t worry about him. He tells that joke to everyone. Some kind of Vulcan humor.”
Morris says, “So, he’s an alien too? I should have guessed from the prosthetic ears…”
11:35 pm – McCoy says, “This doesn’t make any sense. What would the Klingons be trying to accomplish by coming to a planet near a Star Fleet starbase, when they know the dangers involved?”
Mr. Scott tells everyone, “I did some research while I was waiting onboard the Enterprise. The main city on this planet is Bloop. They’re going to start powering it by using trilithium crystals. Not suitable for use on starships, the way dilithium is. Much too hazardous. Very powerful though. One crystal can power the entire city. That must be why the Klingons want it.”
Jack says, “Trilithium? The guy we caught in the bar said something about that! They’re gathering Trilithium.”
Spock says, “That would explain it. Even a small quantity of the substance would be highly valuable to them.”
11:37 pm – While the rest of them discuss this, Kirk corners Chloe. He says, “So, are you an alien?”
Chloe says, “No, I’m human.”
Kirk seems disappointed, “O.K., never mind then. When we beam down to a planet, I usually find an alien to fall in love with before the mission is over.”
11:38 pm – In the center of Bloop, a group of Klingons are making announcements. One of them says, “I am Moog, commander of the Bird of Prey, Bok! Cooperate with us, and you will not be harmed!” They crowd seems to think this is pretty fair, so they go along with the Klingons right away. Moog is a bit taken aback by having such an easy time taking over. He regains his composure and tells the crowd to take him to their trilithium storage facility.
11:40 pm – The Chinese terrorists are already at the trilithium storage facility. While the rest of the terrorists stands guard, one of them holds a small briefcase, and another puts the trilithium crystal into it. One of the guards warns the group that someone is coming to the facility. They all run around the back of the facility and off into the woods towards the south as the Klingons and the people from Bloop arrive at the building from the north.
11:42 pm – Moog is enraged when he finds out the trilithium is gone. He calls to his ship, and is told the trilithium sensors indicate it is moving south and away from the building. Moog orders his men out of the back of the building.
11:43 pm – As Kirk, Jack and the rest of the group arrive on the outskirts of the town, they are surprised to see the Chinese terrorists run right past them! Jack regains his composure, takes aim, and hits the last of the terrorists in the leg. He vaporized his whole thigh, which is NOT something Jack was expecting. He’s so surprised he doesn’t think to run after the rest of the terrorists.
Jack snaps out of it and runs to the man he shot. He’s dead. The rest of the group catches up with Jack. McCoy says, “Damn it, I’m a doctor, not a doctor! …. Wait a second, that doesn’t make sense.” Mr. Scott says, “I didn’t even know a shot like that was possible!” McCoy says, “Neither did I. It did cauterize the wound though…”
Just as McCoy says this, a Star Fleet shuttle craft zooms over their heads. Chloe says, “I thought we got most of the terrorists already. There must have been five more than the last time we saw them! How are they doing that?”
The Klingons run out of the back of the building and turn to watch the shuttle craft that just zoomed over their heads. Jack sees that one of the Klingons is holding another terrorist. The Klingons are so preoccupied with the shuttlecraft they don’t notice the people from the Enterprise. One of the Klingons pulls out a device and says something into it. They start to dematerialize, and as they do, Jack runs for them. He grabs one of the Klingons, and a moment later he’s gone!
11:46 pm – Kirk says, “We have to go after them!” He opens his communicator, “Kirk to Enterprise! Beam me aboard!”
A 2 by 4 materializes at Kirk’s feet. Kirk says, “That gets less funny every time they do that.”
11:51 pm – On board the Klingon ship, Moog sits at a table facing Jack, who is standing in front of him, a guard on either side. Moog looks at a big knife in his hand and says, “Give me a reason not to kill you where you stand.”
Jack says, “You were in a pretty big hurry, running after the same people I’ve been chasing. My guess is that they’ve got the trilithium you’re after.” The Klingons look at each other, surprised that Jack knows about the trilithium. Jack continues, “I’ll get you a sample of that trilithium!”
Moog laughs, “Why would we need the help of a human?”
Jack says, “Well, you would, I suppose, if you were afraid to go after it yourself.”
Moog stops laughing, and pounds his fist on the table. “You have insulted me, human! Prepare for battle! Moog turns the table over, and heads for Jack.
11:53 pm – Everyone is back on the bridge of Enterprise, except Mr. Scott, who has gone back to engineering. Captain Kirk orders that they scan the area for the Klingon’s ship and for the stolen shuttle craft. He says, “We have to get to that shuttle before the Klingons find it.” He presses a button, “Mr. Scott! I need those sensors back online immediately!”
11:55 pm – Mr. Scott is at his wit’s end. “I’m doing the best that I can!” Everyone scrambles around. Chloe points to a button on the console near Mr. Spock, and asks, “What is that?” She presses the button, and the sensors come back online.
11:56 pm – Kirk orders, “Main viewer on!” A large screen on one wall of the bridge flickers on. They seen the Klingon ship they’ve been looking for. It’s facing them and it fills the entire screen. Kirk says, “Red alert!” A woman near Kirk says, “The Klingon Bird of Prey is hailing us, sir!” Kirk says, “Let’s have it!”
11:57 pm – Jack appears on the main viewer. He’s sitting in Moog’s command chair, holding Moog’s knife. Jack says, “I have everything under control here. Any word on that shuttle craft?”
Kirk looks amused, “No… no word yet. We’re working on it.”
11:58 pm – Aboard the shuttle craft, one of the terrorists talks into a walkie-talkie and says, “We have the crystal.” There’s a brilliant flash of light.
11:59 pm – Jack finds himself sitting on the ground on a street corner, still holding Moog’s knife. There’s a palm tree next to him. A Ferrari Testarossa drives up. A man wearing a white suit and a turquoise shirt says to Jack, “Well, don’t just sit there! Get in!”
12:00 midnight – Time’s up!
One thought on “24 – Two Days Later – 11 pm to 12 midnight”
Funniest one by far!
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