This SPECIAL EDITION of “24 – Two Days Later” has additional contributors. I’d like to thank Annie Where-but-here for the majority of commercials, Mike Weasel, and Mad Scientist Weasel for creating most of the pictures used for the web links in the story. I would also like to thank TropicHunt.com Guy for providing a pointer to one photo in particular from the massive TropicHunt.com archives.
So, why the special contributions for commercials and pictures for this edition? Read on and find out!
24 – Two Days Later – Hour 6
The following takes place between 12 midnight and 1 am
12:00 am – The man in the Ferrari looks very impatient. He keeps looking around, as if he expects someone to see them. Jack stands up, and walks to the Ferrari. He asks, “Who are you, and why should I get in this car?” The man says, “Didn’t they tell you anything? The name’s Sonny Crockett, I’m with Miami Vice. Now GET IN BEFORE SOMEONE STARTS SHOOTING!” Jack jumps into the car without opening the door first. They speed off.
As they speed off, loud music starts playing. Jack looks around and realize that the car itself is playing music as they drive.
Crockett continues, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you been briefed? Lt. Castillo must be losing his touch.”
Jack says, “Look, I’ve had a hard day, and I need to find my friends. We got separated.” Jack looks down at the Klingon knife he’s holding. “It’s been a weird day.” Jack looks up, and the sun is high in the sky. Jack looks at his watch, and according to it, it’s “12:00 am”. He says, “I don’t even know what the time really is.” Jack holds the knife up to examine the handle.
Crockett says, “Put that away.” He looks at his watch. “It’s 7:00pm. My regular partner is on vacation, and I’m supposed to be too. We’re running low on man power, and they asked me to fill in. We just have just make a routine stop. You’re just there to back me up in case something goes wrong.” They continue to drive. He tells Jack, “You sure dress funny. How long have you lived in South Florida? Don’t you know we have a dress code here?”
12:02 am – In a neighborhood somewhere in Miami, there’s a party going on in the back of someone’s home. Everyone is dressed in Miami style clothing, so there’s more than enough pink and turquoise to go around.
(Yes, that does describe nearly ALL of Miami, but in this particular case many famous authors are there. How famous? REALLY famous. So famous you wouldn’t believe it. Let’s put in this way: Shakespeare would be right at home… if he dressed in a white suit and pink shirt. You get the idea).
Some people dressed in black make their way along the side of the house, out of view of the people in the backyard. They come across an open window, and climb inside of the house.
12:04 am – Crockett turns onto a side street and parks the car in front of the very same house the men just broke into. He and Jack get out of the car, and walk up to the front door. Crockett rings the doorbell, but no one answers. They hear a party going on in the backyard, and walk around the back. They walk right by the window that the men just climbed through. One of the men watches as Crockett and Jack walk by. He turns and tells the rest of the men to hurry up. They bring a safe into the room, and start to climb out the window. They hand the safe through the window.
12:05 am – There are many people in the back yard, and various conversations are going on. One man says, “So, I walk in to the movie, and it turns out it wasn’t ‘Ghost Writer’ after all, it was ‘Ghost Rider’! What kind of writing movie is that?” The woman he’s talking to says, “Well, after Steve’s ‘Misery’, I’m not sure I WANT to see another movie about writers!”
Crockett seems to know where he’s going, so Jack just follows along. Crockett walks up to a man that’s dress remarkably like himself: White jacket, white pants, and turquoise t-shirt. Neither one of them seems to find this strange, or at least if they do, they’re not letting on. Crockett holds up a badge and says, “Excuse me, are you Dave Barry?”
The man turns and says, “Yes. Can I help you?”
Crockett says, “Mr. Barry, as you know…”
A woman in another part of the yard interrupts by tapping on a glass, and says, “Excuse me! Excuse me, everyone! I’d like to propose a toast! We’re all here to help Dave celebrate his birthday, and to help celebrate his new book, ‘Dave Barry Turns MUCH, MUCH older than 50’. I think Dave deserves a round of applause. Be sure and clap loudly so he’ll be able to hear it.”
12:08 am – Everyone starts to clap, and the woman goes into the house. She comes back with a group of women holding a birthday cake. People start to sing “Happy Birthday”, when there’s a loud crash from inside the house. A few of the guests run inside, along with Dave to investigate what happened. At first everyone thinks it was just a stack of cartons for all the candles they used for the cake, but they realize that the front door is open. Dave rushes into his office, and immediately runs back out. He yells, “Someone stole the safe!”
12:09 am – Crockett grabs a nearby telephone, and dials. “This is Crockett. I have a break-in and theft to report!”
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MORE AFTER THIS VERY SPECIAL COMMERCIAL BREAK
The following commercial is close-captioned for the drinking-impaired:
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO OUR THE STUFF THAT HAPPENS BETWEEN COMMERCIALS.
12:14 am – Several police cars are parked in the front of the house, while officers in the backyard mill around trying to get autographs from the authors. While this is going on, Jack tells Crockett, “Look, I’ve been chasing some dangerous terrorists…”
Crockett gets excited, “Wait! Are these guys part of a dangerous South American drug cartel?” Jack tells him they aren’t. Crockett snaps his fingers, “Oh, man! Too bad! I love chasing after guys that work for dangerous South American drug cartels!”
Jack says, “Listen to me. I’ve been chasing dangerous terrorists, and they keep showing up every place I go…”
Crockett interrupts again, “Well, where have you been?”
Jack says, “Well, less than half an hour ago, I was aboard a space ship….”
Crockett rolls his eyes, “Ooookay then….”
Jack starts to get irritated, “That doesn’t matter! Will you just listen?? These guys are after something in each of the places I’ve been so far. I think that whatever is in that safe is part of what they want to get!”
Crockett says, “You might be right. You know, we should probably talk to Mr. Barry to find out what’s in that safe.”
12:17 am – Crockett finds Dave, who is inside the house, talking to a police officer who is questioning him. Dave says, “Look, it’s NOT a weapon. It’s an oosik. His name is Walter! Look! He even has a tie!”
Crockett says, “Excuse me officer, we have to question Mr. Barry”. The officer leaves with Walter. Crockett continues, “Do you have any idea why someone would want to steal that safe?”
Dave says, “My guess it’s just some people that want a leg up on the Herald Hunt. They’re always searching around for clues. Tom and I had been working on a special clue for this year’s Hunt, and I kept the secret design for it locked in the safe.”
Jack asks, “Herald Hunt? I went to that last year! Wait… a secret design? What secret design?”
Dave continues, “Look, if they really are after the design, we have to get to the warehouse. If they were able to break into the safe, chances are pretty good that’s where they’re headed.” Dave looks at Jack and says, “You know, you look vaguely familiar… Have you been on TV?”
Crockett says, “Mr. Barry, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me to the warehouse to see if everything is OK.” Crockett turns to Jack and says, “Go with this officer. He’ll get you there.” Crockett tells an officer to take Jack to the warehouse so they can investigate. Crockett and Dave leave in the Ferrari.
12:20 am – The police car drives down the street. Jack catches glimpses of the ocean while he sits impatiently in the front seat. He tries to make small talk with the officer that’s driving. “So, how many perimeters have you set up this week?” Before the officer has a chance to answer, Jack yells, “PULL OVER NOW!”
12:21 am – The police officer is so taken aback that he slams on the brakes, nearly causing an accident. The car stops in front of some people, and it’s Chloe, Morris and Bill! Chloe yells, “JACK!” and runs up to give him a hug. Bill asks, “Where have you been? We were just down the street from you when a Ferrari drove up and drove off with you! We were wondering how we were going to find you.”
12:22 am – Jack explains that they all have to head to a warehouse. Morris says, “A warehouse? ANOTHER warehouse?” Jack tells him that this time it’s not a criminal mastermind warehouse; it’s just a plain warehouse. Morris mutters, “Somehow I doubt that.” They all get into the police car and leave.
12:23 am – While they’re driving, Jack says, “Chloe, take a look at this.” He pulls the knife from his waist and hands it to her. Chloe asks where he got it from, and Jack says, “Well, that’s the thing… I got it from about the captain of that Klingon battle cruiser.”
Chloe looks at it carefully and finally says, “With all that bouncing around we’ve been doing, it hadn’t occurred to me that we could actually take things from those places with us. Did you bring anything else?”
Jack thinks for a moment, opens his satchel, looks through it and finally pulls out the phaser. He says, “I wonder if this still works?” Everyone in the back seat ducks, and Bill asks, “Will you just put that away?”
YET ANOTHER EXCITING COMMERCIAL BREAK
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WOW! THAT WAS QUICK! NOW BACK TO THAT OTHER NON-COMMERCIAL STUFF
12:28 am – The police car arrives at a very, very large warehouse. Crockett’s white Ferrari is parked underneath a sign that reads, “Not The Herald Hunt Staging Warehouse”. Dave and Crockett are waiting underneath the sign. Dave says that what they’ve been working on is near the back of the warehouse. He makes them all swear never to reveal the password. They agree. Dave leans over to the lock, which has a microphone attached to a picture of bum in a bus terminal. He says, “The password is ‘Booger’”. The lock unlocks itself, and they all enter the warehouse.
12:29 am – The warehouse is filled with many items from previous Hunt years. As they walk through further inside, they pass a pair of giant dice, stacks of paper with submarines printed on them, mouse costumes, a giant balloon of King Kong, stacks of Tropic Magazines, a giant #13 pool ball, and much more. As they get closer to the middle of the warehouse the rest is completely cleared, except for a huge black curtain about 200 yards away from them. Dave points to a black curtain, “That’s what we’ve been working on.”
Morris says, “You’ve been working on a black curtain?”
12:30 am – They hear the noise of an engine starting. A second later a black semi tractor trailer comes barreling out from behind the curtain, headed right for them. The group parts into two as they each dive to the side to avoid being hit by the truck. Jack pulls out his phaser and shoots. The phaser is slightly misaligned because instead of hitting the truck Jack hits the King Kong balloon and vaporizes it. The truck heads straight for the warehouse doors and breaks through them. Everyone goes running after it, and as they reach the entrance, they see the truck head out onto the street. Crockett runs to his car, and calls for backup and a helicopter. Jack tries to straighten out the phaser for another shot, but can’t do it in time.
12:31 am – Dave says, “Oh, this is bad… This is really bad.”
Chloe asks, “’Bad’ as in ‘Oh no, my plant died’ bad, or …?”
Dave says, “’Bad’ as in ‘Someone just stole a specially-designed-possibly-dangerous-secret-experimental-truck’ bad”.
Jack turns to Crockett and says, “I’m going to have to take it from here.”
ANOTHER COMMERCIAL BREAK ALREADY!
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View plots and sand trap mausoleums extra. Discounts available to seniors who turn in their Florida Driver’s License.
WHAT? ANOTHER COMMERCIAL?
Scene: A supermarket
Announcer: Hi! I’m here asking customers what they think about Denture Glue! Now you can wear them for three weeks without worrying about brushing. Denture Glue – Keeping teeth in your head so you don’t have to!
He looks around for a potential customer, and sees…. Dave Barry!
Announcer: Sir! Can you come here a moment!
Announcer: We’re asking seniors what they think of Denture Glue!
Announcer: We’re asking what it’s like to use Denture Glue!
Dave: Dentures? Me? I just turned 60!
Announcer: Oh! Then you’ve been using it for years!
Dave: What?! How old are you?
Announcer: I’m 22. Now, what can you tell us about your experiences with Denture Glue?
Dave: Uh…. I have to go…
Announcer: You see! Seniors are on the go with Denture Glue!
AND NOW BACK TO OUR SHOW!
12:35 am – The helicopter Crockett called takes off with everyone aboard. The helicopter is pretty big, but it’s still cramped. The doors on either side of the helicopter are open to the air. Everyone is wearing headsets so they can hear each other.
Crockett tells Jack that it’s pretty likely the person in the truck is going to head to I-95 to try and get away. Jack tells the helicopter pilot to head to I-95. Dave tells Jack, “There’s a special device built into the truck. It uses technology that’s on loan from the University of Miami, and we really need to get it back.”
Morris asks, “What does it do?”
Dave replies, “I can’t tell you because I’m sworn to secrecy because of the Hunt, but I can tell you we’re going to need to be careful.”
12:36 am – The helicopter flies to I-95. Crockett looks out onto the highway, and says, “It looks like a lot of crazy driving down there. People speeding and guns going off! It looks like a normal day on I-95! Keep going!”
12:37 am – Everyone is trying to keep an eye out for the truck, while at the same time trying not to fall out of the helicopter. Dave spots the truck as it’s zigzagging between the other cars on the road. Jack tells the pilot to fly lower.
12:38 am –The helicopter starts to descend towards truck, and Jack gets into position. Jack tells Bill, “I plan on jumping on to the roof, swing around the passenger side, smash through the window, shoot the driver and take over the truck.”
Dave’s eyes grow wide, “Plan? That’s a PLAN?”
Jack looks at Dave, and says, “Trust me.” Jack jumps from the helicopter.
12:39 am – Jack lands on the roof of the truck. The man inside of it swerves to try to make Jack fall off, but Jack hangs on. The man pulls out a gun, and shoots through the roof, but he misses Jack completely. Jack moves to the passenger’s side and grabs a silver rail on the roof just as the man inside the cab of the truck presses a button marked “Do Not Press Under ANY Circumstances”.
12:42 am – Still traveling at top speed, the truck’s front end lifts so that the front tires are off the road. At the same time, the cab of the truck moves higher into the air. Parts of the side of the semi start to move, slide and rotate around until it doesn’t so much resemble a truck any more…. It has turned into a giant squirrel! The giant robot squirrel continues to run down the road smashing cars out of the way. Jack hangs onto what was once the cab of the truck, but has now turned into the head of the robotic squirrel. They continue speeding down the expressway.
12:44 am – Everyone in the helicopter turns to Dave, who shrugs. He says, “Hey! We needed something new for the Herald Hunt, and a big rig that transformed into a giant squirrel sounded like a good idea at the time! I didn’t know THIS was going to happen!”
12:46 am – Bill yells, “We have to get Jack out of there! He’s going to be killed!” Chloe punches him in the arm and reminds him that since they’re all wearing headsets that he doesn’t have to yell. Crockett tells the pilot to lower the helicopter so they can grab Jack. Morris finds a rope ladder and throws it over the side. Chloe smacks Morris, tell him, “You have to ATTACH the rope ladder to the helicopter before you throw it over board!”
12:48 am – Jack is having trouble hanging onto the squirrel and slides down from its head to its shoulder before catching himself. Despite the fact that a giant robotic squirrel is running down I-95 few, if any, of the other drivers on the road seem to be disturbed by seeing it. In fact, there are cars tailgating the squirrel, honking their horns, and making obscene gestures in a vain attempt to get the robot to move into a slower lane.
12:50 am – Several news crew helicopters are now flying nearby, but keeping their distance. Crockett’s helicopter moves lower towards Jack to stay close in case something happens. Jack pulls out the knife he was carrying, and drives it into the metal shoulder of the robot. Jack uses the knife as a foothold to climb closer to the head of the robot. The man controlling the robot uses the controls to move its arms in an attempt throw Jack off, but the robot’s arms swing and hit the helicopter instead.
The helicopter lurches to the left and everyone tries to hang on while equipment falls out of the side of the helicopter. Everyone is able to grab onto something except Dave, who goes over the side! Chloe screams!
12:52 am – Jack hears the scream and looks up to see Dave hanging on to one of the helicopter’s skids. Dave loses his grip and lands on the squirrel’s back. He grabs some wires to hang on. Jack gets closer to the head of the robot and pulls out his phaser.
12:53 am – Jack opens the door to see man controlling the robot. The man looks pretty surprised and reaches for his gun. Jack shoots and vaporizes the man AND the driver’s side door of the cab. The robot lurches and starts moving completely out of control. Jack loses his grip on the door and is throw off the squirrel, and into the median.
Chloe yells something to Dave, but he’s too busy trying to climb up the robot. Dave grabs the knife Jack left in the squirrel’s back and is able to pull himself up the robot’s shoulder. He grabs for a seatbelt that’s swinging outside of the passenger side door, and after two tries catches it.
12:54 am – Dave pulls himself up, and climbs into the cab where the control panel is. He presses a few buttons, and the robot starts to slow down. It finally comes to a halt in the left lane of the expressway.
12:55 am – The helicopter lands in the median, and news crews are filming Dave as he climbs out of the squirrel and stands on it’s shoulder. Morris, Bill and Chloe get out of the helicopter and run back to check on Jack.. Several other police cars arrive on the scene. Chloe, Morris and Bill reach Jack, who tells them that except for a few scrapes, he’s fine. Crockett climbs onto the squirrel.
12:57 am – Crockett climbs on to the squirrel to reach Dave. Crockett pulls out a piece of paper, points to it and says, “Mr. Barry, I know you’re turning 60 tomorrow. Under Florida law, that earns a visit from a member of law enforcement to remind you of your duties as a senior citizen.”
“Now, ordinarily when you turn sixty, you’re automatically required to do the following: You have to turn in your car for a white Cadillac, which you’re required to drive with five other people at all times; You’re required to have the driver’s side seat lowered so you can barely see over the steering wheel; You have to be on the road by 7 am to slowly driver around town to prevent other people from getting to work; You’re required to eat dinner at 4:30 pm; Your belt has to be raised so it rests in the middle of your chest; You will be given a metal detector which you must use daily on the beach.”
He continues, “Now, you’ll note that I said ‘ordinarily’. I think that from what we’ve all witnessed here today, you’ve proven that capable of a lot more than the average person. I’m going to recommend we make you exempt from this law. Maybe we’ll talk about it in another twenty years.”
Crockett receives a phone call. It’s Lt. Castillo, and he’s mad. Crockett says, “What do you mean I didn’t pick up my contact from AARP? I’ve had him with me the whole time! He helped disable the robot! What? If that’s not him, who did I pick up??”
There’s a bright flash, and when Dave and Crockett turn to see what happened, Chloe, Morris, Bill and Jack are gone.
12:59 am – Chloe, Morris, Bill and Jack are now standing in from of a large, very old, mansion.
1:00 am – Time’s up!
If you read this far and DIDN’T know that it’s Dave Barry’s birthday on July 3rd, you do now.
Happy 60th Birthday, Dave!