24 – Season 7 – 3pm to 4pm

Previously on 24: Dubaku tried to cover the insecticide market by trying to destroy the world famous Kidron, OH insecticide plant (Motto: “We hate bugs more than anyone!”); Janis tried to discover if she misread the memo that said “save” the plant manager, not “kill” the plant manager; Presidential First Laddy Henry tried to recover from muscle relaxant which didn’t turn out to be nearly as relaxing as he thought it would be; Jack tried to uncover who might be behind this whole crazy plot.

3 pm – The bad guys unpack their brand new Presidential First Husband from a trunk of a car, and go to install him in their hideout. Meanwhile, Dubaku stops by a street vendor that has an incredible cart that can supply everything, even television sets, where he hears Madam President telling everyone that Juma’s regime will be gone soon.

Dubaku walks into a secret hideout that’s got a storefront, just in case they want some snacks, and goes to see the Presidential First Husband. Vossler says he has to get to work, or he’s going to be in BIG trouble… not “kidnapping the president’s husband” trouble… Something really big! He leaves.

3:03 – Dubaku and Henry have a conversation that goes something like: Henry -“You killed my son!”; Dubaku -“He was poking his nose where it didn’t belong!”; Henry – “Ewwww!”. Henry tries the “Hey! I’m more important than I look! People are going to come looking for me!” Dubaku tells Henry that the President better call off the invasion, or Henry might be an Ex-First Husband soon.

3:05 – Meanwhile, Madame President is still talking, while Jack and company just waltz right in through the White House basement and it’s crack security. The President is a little surprised that Jack of all people is there. Jack, of course, can just walk right into the Oval office with no problems, because… well, because he’s Jack.

3:06 – Matobo tells the president that he’s happy she’s going to have troops invade, and that Jack, Bill and Renee can explain what’s happened in the plot of the show up until now. Jack tells her that: 1) She’s got rat problems, and 2) These are giant, look-like-a-human rats, in her administration – some of them might even be armed, and trying to undermine what’s happening in Sangala.

She asks Bill what the heck has been going on, and he tells her that Tony used the CIP device as bait to get Dubaku. He acknowledges that a fresh, fictional, foreign country to take over would have been better bait, but they had to go with what they had. She points out that some people died on those planes, and Renee says that it was a necessary plot device, and they were just unpaid extras anyway.

Jack wants to “fly under the radar” and uses other cliché phrases to not involve the FBI, which Ethan, who was hiding behind a bust of Abraham Lincoln, finds surprising.

An agent comes in to tell the President that she has to interrupt her super-important secret meeting for a super-important secret phone call. She takes that call – it’s from Dubaku! He tells her that he has Henry, and he can demonstrate! Henry starts to demonstrate what’s behind curtain number three. President Taylor says that only Henry could make a reference that old, so it has to be him. Henry says he’s really sorry. Dubaku tells President Taylor that he wants the forces out of Sanagla, he wants Matobo, and a large bag of cheetos – baked, not fried – all by 4:00pm. If he doesn’t get this, he tells her that he’ll kill Henry. She says, “You wouldn’t dare!”

Dubaku says, “Cut off his finger!” President Taylor apparently doesn’t like that particular finger on Henry, because she doesn’t say a single thing over the telephone. Henry realizes he’s going to have relearn everything in base 9, just as President Taylor FINALLY tells him to stop. Dubaku tells her that she has to meet his demands, or he’ll send him back one piece at a time. Knowing how that old Johnny Cash song ended up, she finally agrees.

Ethan informs her that he has a fake plausible reason how Henry might have been kidnapped, and that she better call off the invasion.

Jack tells her that he can probably find Henry before the 4:00 deadline, and that he can probably do it in a very exciting, shooting and explosion packed way. She asks where his loyalties really lie, and Jack says something that will go down in “24” history: “With all due respect, Madame President, ask around”.

Jack tells her to go along with Dubaku’s demands, especially the cheetos, while Jack works on getting her husband back.

3:14 – Jack and Renee are escorted, by Ethan, into another room where they discuss their plans: Renee thinks she can bring Larry in on accessing the First Family security detail phone logs, and he’ll probably be so happy to hear from her that he’ll not worry about the whole “security” thing.

3:15 – Agent Larry is VERY surprised to hear from Renee, and is finally convinced that she’s not making a phone call from the afterlife. He goes into a secure corridor to take her phone call, and she explains the plot from the last 15 minutes. He finally agrees to help her get Gedge’s phone logs, but he has to see her at the Capitol reflecting pool first where he hopes they can reenact a scene from Forrest Gump.

Commercial

3:21 – At the FBI, everyone has stopped to watch previews of American Idol and to watch the news about what the president said. Sean talks to his office girl friend, while Janis puts two and two together, and confronts him about his affair. She appears to be jealous she wasn’t involved.

3:23 – Renee and Jack meet with Larry at the reflecting pool, where he tells them Vossler was on the phone with Gedge quite a bit, and they probably weren’t exchanging baking recipes.

Turns out that Vossler was once in special forces and stationed in Sangala. Jack asks if Vossler has family. Renee says that he has a wife and 11-month old child. She’s pretty sure that the wife wasn’t in special forces, but she’s not so sure about the 11-month old kid. Jack says that while he’d love to interrogate someone right now, he thinks he better go after Vossler while Renee goes after the wife and kid. When Renee starts backing off from this, saying that she only tries to torture people she’s pretty sure are guilty. Jack says that terrorists don’t really have to follow any rules, and points out they drive like complete maniacs. Larry starts to point out that a lot of Americans drive like complete maniacs. Jack finally gets her to agree, and she leaves.

Larry tries to confront Jack about what he’s doing, but Jack gives him his “Mad Jack” face and gets Larry’s keys.

3:26 – Back in Dubaku’s new hideout, the impromptu surgery on Henry’s finger didn’t go quite as planned, and Henry keeps bleeding all over the carpet. Dubaku is considerate enough to tell one of his men that a rag stuffed into Henry’s mouth will keep Henry from biting his tongue while they use the preferred Sangalian blowtorch surgery too to cauterize the wound. Before his men can tell him that burning Henry flesh is really going to stink up the place, not to mention revoke the security deposit they have on the hideout, Dubaku gets a phone call from his clueless girlfriend, Marika. They make ironic small talk for a while.

3:28 – Marika’s sister argues with her after she gets off the phone, saying this “Samuel” isn’t a nice guy, and that he has a funny accent for somebody from Brooklyn.

3:29 – At the White House, Ethan suggests they move the American fleet away from Sangala to buy more time, and then launch the attack from further out at sea. They decide that they can get someone to impersonate Matobo, and they’re pretty sure that Ed McMahon and MC Hammer are available. After a brief discussion on the pros and cons, they decide on Ed. A quick phone call later, and inexplicably Ed is busy, so they go with Hammer instead.

3:30 – Larry calls Jack, who’s driving at top speed. Larry says that Vossler goes on duty at 4:00, and that he’s going to be at the Air Force base. Jack displays an unusual grasp of the roadways of Washington DC, and explains where he can probably head off Vossler.

3:31 – Renee goes to Vossler’s house and acts scary when Mrs. Vossler and the suspected special forces baby answer the door.

Commercial

3:35 – Renee and Mrs. Vossler argue about child rearing skills for a while to bide some time while Jack heads off Mr. Vossler.

3:36 – Jack works on heading off Vossler, making some really dangerous driving moves, like driving the wrong way on a one way street. Hardly anyone notices.

3:37 – Jack rams a car, and fortunately, it’s Vossler’s! Jack helps Vossler out of the car by hitting him in the face and dragging him out. Good thing they’re on a deserted street, because no other traffic or pedestrians walk by while Jack drags Vossler into an interrogation store, which happened to be right on that very street.

Vossler won’t talk at first, so Jack uses his phone a friend to call Renee and up the stakes. Vossler talks to his wife, who says Renee has a gun on her. Vossler must not be at home very much, because he actually asks why their son is crying, not realizing that holding a gun on someone’s mom would make anyone upset – even a special forces baby. That finally breaks Vossler, and he tells Jack where Henry is being held. Everything’s going fine until a director of photography for “24” walks through the scene and distracts Jack. Vossler makes his move and he and Jack start to fight for a short time, long enough for some exciting action. Jack finally decides he’s done screwing around and kills Vossler.

Jack goes back out to his car, which is already starting to get stripped down by passersby. He scares them away. He looks at the car and decides he doesn’t want to drive in a car that’s been in an accident. He then flags down a passing car by using his gun, which is very effective.

Commercial

3:45 – Bill briefs everyone about Operation Fake Matobo. He tells MC Hammer (who is now in makeup) and his driver that if by a teensy weensy chance something bad happens, they should get the heck out of there as fast as they can.

Jack calls Renee with Henry’s address. He gives her the info, telling her about the gunmen Dubaku has guarding the store from anyone trying to get in, whether they have coupons or not.

Renee asks how Vossler is, and Jack explains that he’s going to make some patch of ground some REALLY excellent fertilizer. Jack is surprised when Renee takes Vossler’s death a little hard, even after he explains that Vossler got killed by accident. Jack tells her that she can stop helping him if she wants, but she decides that the pay is just too good to leave at this point in the show.

3:46 – The Fake Matobo heads off to the power plant, where the exchange will take place, while Bill delivers the information that Jack might have found where Henry is being held.

Sean confronts Larry with the news that Homeland Security is going to lower the threat level from Bert Yellow down to Ernie Orange, or perhaps visa versa. Larry says he’ll check on it, and gets a phone call from Renee. Larry gets pretty upset that Renee is out and about with Jack, saving the world.

3:48 – One of his thugs tells Dubaku that everything is going according to plan, as far as they know. Dubaku gets a phone call from Marika’s sister, who knows that Dubaku has been lying about being named “Samuel Aboa” because she has proof from the immigration service. She threatens him that the immigration service could get around to throwing him out of the country for being here illegally within at least the next forty to fifty years. She tells him that nobody at all knows about the letter, she’s not going to tell anyone, and she promises that she’ll keep it a secret. She hangs up, so of course, Dubaku leaves, probably to go kill her.

Commercial

3:55 – Renee pulls up outside of the store, and Jack’s nearly there. Bill calls him with the news that Fake Matobo is nearly at the drop off point.

3:56 – Fake Matobo’s driver calls to let Bill know they’ve arrived. Dubaku’s thugs are waiting for them at the plant, and tell them to get out of the car. When they don’t, one of them calls Dubaku, who tells them to kill ’em. At the same time, the President orders a retreat, and just as they’re about to get out of there, a fuzzy special effect explosion tells everyone that Fake Matobo and his driver won’t be making further appearances in this season.

3:57 – Jack and Renee storm the store, take the cashier hostage, and get into the back room by using the old “Have the cashier ask if they want food” ploy. Jack plays Charades with Renee for a minute, and she moves into position. Dubaku calls his men to have Henry killed, now that he realizes that the President was “kidding”.

3:59 – There’s a shockingly horrific fight where many innocent cases of beer give their all for the show, but can’t be saved. Jack and Renee kill everyone except one guy who manages to shoot Henry in the gut. Jack goes to save Henry, but things don’t look good.

4:00 – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: LARRY TALKS ABOUT JACK’S PLAY BOOK! PRESIDENT TAYLOR SAYS SHE WON’T BE HELD PRISONER! HENRY MAKES IT TO A HOSPITIAL! MARIKA AND HER SISTER GET A SPECIAL HEARTWARMING VISIT FROM JACK AND RENEE! WE SEE THAT DUBAKU MIGHT HOLD THE GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORD FOR “WORST SMILE IN A PHOTO” ! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!