PREVIOUSLY ON 24: Kate interrogated the seven dwarves; Mark has started practicing for a career as a sports memorabilia forger; Erik brought up Kate’s husband AGAIN; Audrey continued to float around people like a dementor, only scarier; Margot and Simone practiced playing the game Operation; Heller was surprised to find out that Parliament talks back, just like the mirror he practices speeches in front of; Simone needs to learn that a stuffed animal with cameras for eyes is not an appropriate gift to accept from your mother, especially a mother that appears to have ambitions to be a security guard; Jack tries to sneak into the embassy to find Tanner and the flight key and is feeling a lot better now that he’s been able to yell, shoot a few thighs, and cause some havoc.
The following takes place between 2 pm and 3 pm:
2pm – Mass panic! Protests! It’s likely someone saw Audrey in an embassy window. Jack tells Chloe that he’s used that diversion to get inside the embassy. The only problem is Erik and Kate saw him outside, and are pretty sure he’s not there to take pictures with the guards outside. Jack says that he’s going to try and get the flight key from inside the embassy. Many people are running around, and after picking out a nice guard, Jack gives him a big old hug. A big Jack Bauer Hug that lasts just a little bit too long. (Jack’s been out in the field for a long time.) The guard passes out from the sheer joy of it. Chloe gives Jack the floor, room number, make, model and serial number of the door lock, plus the origin of the metal used to make the lock. This gives Jack enough information to find the right room. He grabs the guard’s security card as a souvenir and runs.
Chloe complains that Chell screwed up the ID that Jack was going to use to get into the embassy and that if she’d used a number instead of a Little Orphan Annie secret code none of this would be happening. Adrian is still upset that Chloe brought Jack to their secret location, which is the only secret Adrian actually doesn’t want the world to know about. Adrian tries to justify what he’s doing, but Chloe wants none of it. Chloe tells him to “get out of my sight” and she’s not talking about a website. Adrian just stares at her, but despite trying, staring at Chloe like that doesn’t turn her to stone.
Jack’s thug friend tells Chloe it’s going to be tough to get Jack out of an embassy full of marines. Chloe says she knows that, and that Embassy Full Of Marines was the name of her first band in college. Also, that she owes Jack her life, her sorry, and her monopoly. Jack’s thug friend says he owes Jack too, and that he’s pretty sure that Adrian isn’t doing anything that isn’t in his own self interest.
At the embassy, Erik and Kate meet a marine that magically figures out that when they identify themselves as “agents”, they mean CIA agents. They convince the marine that Jack is a threat and foolishly only bring eight other marines with them.
Tanner is being held in an absolute ultra mega low security room with absolutely nobody guarding him. This allows Jack to enter the room with one card swipe. This must be an absolutely new card key lock because it works so well.
Inside room, Tanner is just staring off into space when Jack arrives. Jack doesn’t realize there’s soldier in the room guarding Tanner. Jack makes up a story pretty quickly. He tells the soldier:
There once was a man named Jack,
Who came to move soldiers during an attack,
But when he got there,
The guard with short hair,
Turned to the phone and got a whack.
Not realizing Jack was predicting the future, the guard turns to answer a ringing phone and Jack whacks him in the back of the head.
Jack explains to a freaked out Tanner that he knows Tanner is innocent all about the drone that was taken over. Jack just wants the flight key so he can stop the pending attack. Tanner does what anyone would do in this situation: He asks Jack why he should believe him. Tanner thinks about this much too long, and finally tells Jack that the key is with Captain Denovo, who is the guy Jack just knocked out.
Back on Chloe’s new cable channel London Embassy TV, there’s a development: The herd of marines plus Kate and Erik are on the stairs headed Jack’s way. Jack quickly finds the flight key on Denovo, thanks Tanner, and leaves.
2:07 pm – Jack leaves just as the Marine herd arrives to find Tanner just sitting there in his room like nothing happened. Nothing except Captain Denovo seems to have mysteriously passed out for no apparent reason. Denovo wakes up and tells them about Jack’s coat that he’s wearing.
Jack tries to exit the building but the key card swiper is just not as new as the other one and it doesn’t work. Jack quickly realizes that the embassy has its own private network line. He asks Chloe to help him find it. Chloe tells him that a lot more marines are arriving and that there’s NO WAY he could possibly exit the building. Apparently Chloe has forgotten who she’s talking to. Jack tells her to find the communications room, and he runs down the hall. He finds what looks like a bathroom just in time for the commercial.
2:13pm – Back at Margot’s House of Hidden Cameras, Margot has taken some time out of spying on her daughter and husband long enough to find out that the drone system will be ready to use in about an hour.
Simone and her husband are in bed. The husband says that he’s going to leave, because he’s getting a little creeped out by her mother. Also, he doesn’t feel good about killing people. He tells Simone that he’s waited for a week to carry through with his plan to leave. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and something tells me he’s going to get that wish, but it’s just not going to be as long as he hopes. She agrees to go with him.
Steve (no relation) Navarro calls and as usual, he’s right on top of things. He says that Flash came up on his web browser and it said that beside desperately needing an upgrade right away, it shows the embassy is on lock down for no reason he can fathom. Kate tells him it is, surprise, Jack Bauer. The marines with her crouch down with their guns drawn, just in case they see Jack. Kate, meanwhile doesn’t seem to have a care in the world as she walks behind them, completely upright, while talking to Steve.
2:17 pm – Jack heads downstairs to yet another basement, as Chloe directs him. He finds the communications room, which is filled with computer people dressed up like they’re all going to a job interview, because they sure are not dressed like computer people.
Chloe tells Jack how to use the computer, which is new for Jack because he’s always had Chloe do this sort of thing for him. The marines are closing in, now in an even bigger hurry because they think they’ll be able to get Jack to sign all their guns. While Jack is trying to upload the data to Chloe, he makes her promise that no matter what happens, she’ll get out of that eye makeup. Also, that she’ll get the data to Heller, if he’s still sane. Suddenly, the data connection drops! Adrian just happens to have a cool program that Jack can download in order to decrypt the data and get it uploaded back to them. It’s really lucky that Adrian knows the exact operating system, software libraries and version numbers that Jack is using, because otherwise this would never work.
The marines are right outside the door. Jack orders one of the computer people to open the door. After making sure that the marines are wearing the good, new body armor, he has the door opened and shoots a couple of them. The door slams shut. The marines, in frustration, shoot the door, because they really, really want that door dead.
2:23pm – Margot asks Simone if she wants a tea, earl grey, hot. Margot confronts her about her husband, Navin, while someone plays a weird little gong sound in the background. Simone tells Margot everything that Navin said, and then appears to be worried that Margot will hurt him in some way. Margot says that he’s already been hurt enough by all the rejection he used to get on That 70’s show, and she’ll do what ever it takes to make sure he pilots those drones.
Heller’s in Parliament, still talking for the last 25 minutes. He says that he wishes he could cast a spell “like in that Hogwarts you have here” and make the bodies come back to life. He tells them he wants them to move forward together. And then to the side. And back. And then to shake it all about.
Mark gets a phone call from Steve (no relation) who tells him that Jack is in the communications room with hostages. He tells them that it’s not looking good because Jack has ordered pizza so it might be a while.
Mark tells Steve that he’s disappointed in his performance. Most of the audience agrees with him, but that’s not important now. What’s important is that the marines are there. Mark tells him that “I need to know what you know.” That should take about five seconds.
Adrian and Chloe argue about the size of Jack’s core processor, which is not a euphemism. The encryption program is just not working very fast.
Since Jack has nothing to do but wait, he decides to take a phone call from the audience. First caller: Captain Kevin Cordaro. The captains tries to threaten Jack by saying he’d like to work together, which works just about as well as anyone to expect, since Jack barely works with people he DOES like. Jack threatens to kill the hostages, but at the same time shakes his head as if to say, “no no, I’m just saying that” and hangs up. Several of the hostages look like they’re going to need new underwear. Meanwhile, the Cordaro is more concerned about the marines getting shot than the hostages.
Up in Tanner’s room, Erik and Kate arrive. Erik tells Tanner that Jack is downstairs surrounded by marines, so Tanner shouldn’t expect any help. This obviously means that Erik has never read Jack’s CTU personnel file.
Kate asks Tanner what his relationship is with Jack. Tanner says he doesn’t swing that way, and he and Jack just met. Erik says he doesn’t believe him. Tanner SWEARS he doesn’t swing that way. Kate asks a lot nicer, and Tanner finally tells them what Jack said: That the key holds the key to the key of the drone attack and that is key. Plus, that the drone was taken over and is going to be used in an attempted attack later this season. Kate and Erik leave.
As they walk down the hall, Erik says “We should have pushed him harder!” Kate says that wouldn’t have worked because he looked really stable in that chair he was sitting in. And besides, Kate believes him. She tells Erik she wants to talk to Bauer about this drone threat.
Heller is STILL talking to Parliament but finally seems to be wrapping up. They all applaud because he’s finally finished, and it’s getting closer to tea time. Heller, Audrey and Mark move to another room after the speech.
Mark explains that the protests outside aren’t going like usual protests go, and not only did people break in, but there are hostages. Oh, and Jack Bauer.
Audrey and Heller are surprised that Jack’s in town, because he’s usually not in town during this time of year. Mark tries to enforce the fact that while Jack hasn’t fatally shot anyone, the way you’d expect, it’s really important that the marines go in after him right away. Heller says to not make any moves until he’s had a chance to talk to Jack about this great opportunity to buy gold coins.
2:37 pm – Navin is packing his bag as Simone and Margot enter the room. He says it’s just a backpack with his Dungeon and Dragon’s stuff. Margot doesn’t believe him, and says that he’s got a stain on him. Seeing how surprised he looks, I’m not surprised.
Margot gives Navin a chance to pilot the drones. He picks this time to stand up to Margot. He tells her that those drones are going to be used for evil delivery purposes, probably by big companies with huge warehouses and discount prices. Margot says that she’s very disappointed, and that her dead husband, even though he’s dead, is also very disappointed, but in a way that only the dead can be. She says she knows a thing or two about dead relatives because one of the last ones she had was beheaded at a castle.
Navin swears on a stack of his D&D books that he’ll never pilot the drones, no matter what Margot does to him. She says she believes him.
Margot tells her thugs to bring Simone over and to take her ring off. Well, these guys aren’t too bright and actually chop off one of her fingers. Margot tells the thug to do it again, but correctly. This really freaks out Navin (not the mention Simone) and he agrees to pilot the drone.
Back in the third sub-basement of the embassy, Kate tells Cardovo that she really needs to talk to Jack, just in case this whole drone attack is real, and not some mega-website publicity stunt. He says, “I’m not introducing any more variables into this equation. This conversation is over,” which leads both Erik and Kate to believe this Cardovo might be a robot.
Kate calls Steve (no relation) Navaro, and Navaro wants to know if she debriefed Tanner. She says no, he still has his underwear, but she did get to talk to him. She goes on to explain what Jack has been saying.
Navaro tells her that Jack will be receiving a phone call from Heller any minute now. He hangs up. Jordan, who is there with Navaro, says that if they’d all just listened to Kate in the first place, none of this would be going on. Navaro doesn’t take this very well and accuses Jordan of having a crush on Kate, which is exactly the kind of high school gossip we come to expect from people in his position. And then he goes on to say that Kate doesn’t have good judgment because she not only didn’t realize her husband would betray the country, but that she also dated a guy named Bryce who once downloaded a whole bunch of classified pictures which got uploaded to someone’s head. These people really need to re-enforce this plot point because we haven’t heard it in nearly an hour.
The phone rings. Jack answers. The voice says, “It’s me.” Jack says, “Donald Sutherland?” No, it’s just President Heller. He’s very disappointed that Jack shot people. Jack points out that it was only a flesh wound. Besides, he’s Jack Bauer so if he wanted them dead, they’d be off to visit the choir invisible.
Jack goes on to say that he believes that drone system is vulnerable, and that any minute now packages could start raining down from the sky. Heller says, “Explain that, Jack.” Jack goes into great detail about planes, helicopters, and flying things, using small words so the President, and everyone else on the line can understand.
He finally explains the takeover of Tanner’s drone by Yates, and that Margot is going to use it in a very bad way.
Heller asks why Jack didn’t just come to him in the first place. Jack explains that the White House only has limited visiting hours, and usually the president is no where to be seen on any of these tours. Plus, he’s been labeled as terrorist, still had the label, and it will just not come off. He’s also never been able to tell his side of the story, so he’s a little miffed about that. Jack tells Heller he’s never lied to him, about him, near him, under him, over him, at him, or through him, so he should believe him now. Heller tells Jack to stay by the phone, which is kind of silly because with a room that small Jack has no choice.
Audrey believes Jack, which proves that even in her current state, she can be somewhat lucid. Mark is completely against believing Jack. He points out that Jack broke Chloe out of CIA custody, and that Jack is much more manly than he is. Also that Open Cell, the group Jack is working with, uploaded 30,000 documents of web page histories of everyone in Congress, which lead to a lot of embarrassing stories.
To drive home is point, he points out that Jack killed a lot of people before, and that’s why he shouldn’t be trusted. Heller loses his mind, not realizing that Jack did this quite a bit in the old days, and gives the order that the marines can go in when they’re ready.
2:51pm – Chloe shows Adrian some old Youtube videos of America’s Funniest Drone attacks and points out that the missiles on the new drones are a lot bigger. They’re going to do a lot more damage, and frankly, she really doesn’t want to see London destroyed, which would dash her hopes of being able to see the Monty Python reunion.
Adrian, who still hasn’t cleared his throat of phlegm, points out that he has been trying to help. Kind of. Adrian makes a big mistake, and asks Chloe why she just can’t let Jack go. You can tell Chloe didn’t like this at all.
Back at sub-basement three, Cardovo makes a little speech about how if they sense Jack is a threat at all, they should shoot him.. He dismisses everyone and then calls a guy who looks about 15 over, and tells him to shoot Jack on sight no matter what happens. Like in Call of Duty.
Kate’s on the phone with Navaro as Jordan brings up Margot’s home page on the web, which confirms that Jack didn’t just make up her name.
Kate realizes something that no one else, even the people with plans to the building, has thought – that they might able to get into the room with Jack using the giant human-size air ducts.
2:54 pm – Kate goes into the air duct, even with that brand new sweater she’s wearing.
Mark and Audrey argue. Audrey’s really upset with Mark, and she knows that Mark is really scared of Jack.
Chloe realizes that cable company is on to her, because her cable feed goes out, and she can’t watch what the marines are doing anymore.
The marines are about to go in, so Jack starts rearranging the furniture.
One of the marines sees that there’s a symbol on his Candy Crush game he can’t explain, because it’s all “Kate-shaped” and headed to the room where Jack is. Erik tells Cordovo about Kate’s plan, but he won’t listen.
Kate breaks into the room, and pinky swears that she believes Jack.
The marines blow up the door, and Kate saves Jack by sitting on him. The marines don’t fire on Jack.
The upload doesn’t make it.
At Margot’s House of One Less Finger, the drone takeover system is online!
3:00 pm – Time’s up!
NEXT TIME: Missing flight key! Margot has six drones! Margot gets her own TV channel! Jack wants to be outstanding in his field! Drone missiles!