12:00 am – Manilow’s watching the world’s smallest wide screen TVs, and gets call from Robocop about trying to get Jack. Manilow calls Madam Haig.
12:01 – Madam Haig is talking to Creepy about the Audrey, and that the Cry-Baby tracking device they use to track Audrey is not working.
12:02 – Creepy thinks that Chloe is in on the whole Audrey/Jack connection, volunteers that he’s got special cameras that he uses to spy on women, so it’ll be no problem tracking Chloe.
12:04 – Jack brings in Bill to help him! They fill in Bill on the Manilow being a handbag, and that he’s in on the President Allstate assassination. Bill agrees. Manilow is a handbag.
12:05 – Audrey’s hanging out in Hanger 112 at the airport, which apparently was her secret rendezvous spot with Jack.
12:06 – The plane carrying Secretary of Defense William Devane (undercover as Audrey’s Dad “Secretary Heller”), is playing REALLY loud music as it lands. This is definitely NOT a secret jet.
12:07 – Devane is really mad that Jack’s the reason came to the airport, and wants to show Devane something “privately” inside the building. Devane looks pretty excited because thinks Jack’s there to ask Audrey’s hand in marriage, but finds out that Jack has a recording of Manilow and Robocop. They play the tape AGAIN, and I swear by the end of this show if they play it again, we’ll be able to recite it by heart.
12:08 – Devane isn’t surprised it’s Manilow. Or that Manilow is a handbag. Jack hands over the recording, and Devane says he’ll turn into the tape.
12:09 – Audrey, who obviously hasn’t seen the show, thinks everything is going to be OK.
12:10 – Devane comes back and hits Jack! He tells Jack that if they make that public, it’ll be bad for the country. Devane wants to keep Manilow in a place where he can do no damage: the presidency. Devane says he can convince Manilow by revealing what the heck is really going on in “Lost” because he knows that Desmond made a guest appearance a few hours ago. Jack tells him that Manilow can’t be trusted, and that Manilow is STILL a handbag.
12:15 – Chloe looks really mad that it’s past 12am, and there’s no coffee. They kept Chloe out of a meeting and Scary Shari knew about it! Shari’s wearing a wire! How they got Shari to wear a wire for Creepy, I don’t know, but I’m betting he’s not the one that put it on her. They’re listening to Chloe.
12:17 – Chloe makes a phone call to a pay phone. Creepy’s watching Chloe’s every move. Using is great hacking powers, Creepy traces Chloe’s call right to a Chinese restaurant. Haig points out that he forgot to carry the two, and they fix the trace. They trace Chloe’s phone call to the airport where Audrey is!
12:18 – Chloe gives up on the phone call. She cofronts Scary Shari, who turns on Chloe. Chloe points out that Creepy can’t be trusted, and Shari looks horrified that the security guards that arrive to take Chloe away ACTUALLY TOUCHED CHLOE. Shari immediately goes back to her terminal to bring up a class action lawsuit page on touching.
12:19 – Madam Haig is on the phone with Manilow AGAIN, and the operator breaks in to ask if they want a frequent calling plan. Manilow throws a fit, and the operator gets off the phone. Then Haig tells him that she sent her own tactical team to get Jack, and Manilow throws ANOTHER hissy fit,saying that he’ll send in a tactical nuclear strike to get Jack. Someone whispers in his ear, and he says he wants to send in his own private military strike force because he saw it on a movie once. Haig looks confused, and refers to her script. She says she’ll retract her team, and Creepy says that the president can do what he wants. Haig reminds him that sucking up to the boss isn’t a good idea.
12:20 – Manilow calls Robocop to tell him about the airport.
12:22 – Jack and Audrey are handcuffed to a poll. Audrey seems to think that her dad might be right/
12:22 – Haig’s on the phone with Cheney-Looking-Guy and CLG says he’s been off the show for a week, and needs to refer to last week’s Dave Barry blog to find out what the heck is going on.
12:23 – CLG goes to VP Scary, and CLG tells Scary that something weird is going on with CTU. Scary says that it’s the president’s call, and that they’ll get a couple of extra hours out of the show this way. CLG calls a general.
12:23 – The general IN A HUMVEE driving around LA, takes the call from CLG. CLG asks what’s going on with the redeploy to get Jack, and the general says he never got any kind of order about THAT, but he did get a call from Manilow earlier asking for some purse polish.
12:24 – CLG goes into see Manilow, and asks about the whole situation about Jack. Manilow says that he didn’t talk to the general, and that he got ANOTHER tactical force to get Jack. Manilow pulls rank, says that he’s the president, and tells CLG that Jack has been on double-secret probation for hours how, and that this time he’ll get Jack for sure.
12:30 – Chloe’s being interrogated by Creepy. Creepy tells Chloe that now HE’S the leet haxxor, and that she’s not. He goes to leave and Chloe grabs him by the shoulder, while at the same time grabbing his badge! Now Creepy tells HER not to touch him…… I think he learned that line from Scary Shari.
12:31 – Chloe tries to butter him up by telling him he’s not as big of a jerk has he pretends to be, and we all know that he really IS. He leaves and as the door closes, someone asks to talk to him. IMMEDIATELY, Chloe gets out of the locked room using the badge, grabs a laptop and leaves! Who’s leet now, Creepy?
12:32 – Scary Shari sees Chloe, and tries to call someone. Chloe dumps the whole story about Manilow. Shari doesn’t believe her and goes to call. Chloe pulls out a trump card and tells Shari that if she calls anyone, she’ll recommend that Shari be sent to the rubber room with a special monogrammed straight jacket.
12:33 – Mrs. Manilow is not asleep yet, and goes to see Manilow. Phone call from Devane, and Manilow tries to pull rank him. Devane doesn’t take any of it, and is headed to see the president.
12:34 – Manilow calls Robocop, and they figure out that Devane must have talked to Jack, because Jack has a super PDA phone.
12:35 – A very familiar black helicopter, one very much like the one with that the terrorists used earlier in the evening takes off with Robocop. It’s not the same plane because the pilot, while identical to the pilot with the terrorists, is wearing a different colored hat. He can’t be the same guy.
12:40 – Mrs. Manilow sees Devane arrive, and goes to see Secret Service Guy. She wants to know what’s going on, and Secret Service Guy reminds her that this is “24”, and no one knows what’s going on and that he can’t tell her. Mrs. Manilow tells Secret Service Guy he can trust her, and they arrange a meeting at the stable.
12:41 – Devane confronts Manilow with the whole story, and Manilow acts like he doesn’t know what he’s doing….which isn’t much of an act. Manilow starts to whine about how hard it is to be president, and Devane reminds him it’s hard to watch Manilow’s acting. Manilow tries to tell him it’s about the oil, and Devane doesn’t even believe that.
12:42 – Devane wants Manilow to stop messing around with Jack, Audrey, and to resign by the time Steve Doucey gives his first weather report in the morning. Manilow looks confused, because he’s an Al Roker man. He tells Manilow it’ll be between them, and that he wants to be there when he resigns in the morning. He promises that the millions of people that would want to see this happen won’t be there in the morning.
12:45 – Oh oh…secret agent music. This time for Chloe. She’s at Bill’s house, and wants to use her leet haxxor powers to find Jack.
12:46 – Mrs. Manilow is waiting by the stables, trying to ignore this talking horse the keeps bothering her and asking for Wilbur. She makes a phone call to Secret Service guy, only to find that a phone on the ground three feet from her is ringing. She sees her name on the caller id, and looks stunned that the phone has a “310” LA area code, instead of a Washington DC area code like it should. She looks around, and the talking horse has mysteriously disappeared. Secret Service Guy is no where to be seen.
12:47 – Jack looks REALLY uncomfortable next to Audrey, who thinks that if she cries enough, they can get out of their plastic handcuffs. Audrey takes the look of pain on his face as just that he’s trying to break free.
12:48 – Jack says he saw a trick on Prison Break a couple of weeks ago, and climbs up the pole to burn through the handcuffs using a hot pipe.
12:48 – Jack uses a door to smash into a guard! He looks disappointed that he got the guy’s face instead of his thigh, and tells Audrey to tie the guy up.
12:52 – Out on the tarmac, an agent gets a gun pulled on him by Jack. Jack tells him to put the gun down. He’s watched the show, so he knows to follow Jack’s orders. Jack has the recording back.
12:53 – The helicopter swoops in, and they didn’t hear it until the last second because it’s a stealth helicopter, just like the terrorists used before. This time though, the guys with the guys decide it’s a brilliant idea to stand on the outside of the plane where it’d be easier to get shot. Which Jack promptly does. The agent asks for his gun back to help Jack, breaking one of the main rules of “24”. If you’re an incidental character, helping Jack will get you killed…..
12:54 – Robocop jumps off the helicopter, runs into the building. Lots of shooting, and true to form the agent gets himself killed. All the bad guys get shot, except Robocop, who looks like he’s still bullet proof.
12:54 – The remaining bad guys decide that hiding behind a gas tanker is a good idea during a gun fight, and Jack shoots the tanker to take them all out at once.
12:55 – Jack goes into the building….this is the same building, out of all the buildings in the whole airport that Audrey was in. Audrey, of course, has been captured.
12:56 – Robocop wants the recording and wants to Audrey to stop crying. Robocop wants to do a trade…… and cuts Audrey in an artery so she’s bleeding all over the place. Jack throws Robocop the recording and Jack goes to Audrey.
12:57 – Bunch of shooting from Robocop, who leaves. Jack ties Audrey’s arm off with an electrical wire.
12:58 – Manilow’s still trying to talk his way out of the situation. Devane just hands him a resignation paper. Scary walks in, and wants to know what’s going on. Manilow gets a phone call….
MY DVR, WHICH HAS THE INITIALS D.I.S.H., RANDOMLY REBOOTS. Grrr…
12:59 – Manilow turns to Scary and tells him the Devane is there to hand in his resignation, because Devane thinks he’s in on the plot! Devane spills his guts about what’s going on. Scary looks confused. Manilow wants Devane to show him proof, and realizes that Audrey might be in trouble. Manilow has Devane thrown out of his office. Scary looks at Manilow like he can’t believe it’s really Manilow giving the orders.
1:00 am – Times up!
Lots of previews of next week, lots of people pulling guns on other people. Lots of things happening, including: Audrey has a gun on Robocop, Devane’s car has a laser sight on it, and it ends with Manilow saying that “The situation with Martha is taken care of”!