6:00 – In world record time and handbag fashion, Manilow and Mrs. Manilow are already getting ready to leave for the flight after whatever happened in about two minutes ago.
6:00 – Chloe calls Jack with the info about how he’ll get on the helicopter. He’s going to disguise himself as a cabin steward named Manuel. Chloe turns to Morris to get him to do something, but won’t say what.
6:01 – Helicopter pilot is informed that something is wrong with his green card, and he goes off to see Aaron. CLG goes to confirm this with Aaron.
6:02 – Pilot goes into the building to talk to Aaron, and Jack gives the pilot a giant Jack hug which makes the pilot pass out with joy.
6:05 – Jack, disguised a pilot who is much taller than Jack is in reality, goes to the helicopter and gives the pilot new instructions.
6:06 – CLG tells Mrs. Manilow that she shouldn’t get on the helicopter, and to make up an outrageous lie that only Manilow will believe. Mrs. Manilow tells Manilow she forgot her meds, and that she thinks he’s the bravest guy in the whole world, a great dancer, and definitely not a handbag. He believes her! Manilow and two secret service guys get on the helicopter. Manilow straps himself into a booster seat.
6:07 – Jack pulls a gun on the pilot and tells him to take off his helmet and rip out his microphone because he heard him singing earlier, and he just can’t stand it.
6:08 – Jack goes back to “talk” to the president, tasers BOTH secret service agents in about two seconds using a “Chloe brand Taser”, and tells Manilow to put on handcuffs. Jack takes off his helmet, and to his credit, Manilow recognizes him. Chloe gives Jack instructions on how to land near an industrial park, which I imagine is suspiciously similar to all the other industrial parks they’ve been around this episode.
6:09 – Manilow wants to know what Jack wants and starts asking questions. Jack gives Manilow a really hard stare and it makes Manilow really nervous and Manilow keeps rambling on and on.
6:10 – Morris is on the phone with Chloe, and Chloe tells him where to drive to. Morris acts really nervous and wants completely out of this as soon as he does the hand off. He really needs to get back to his women’s shoes
6:11 – Helicopter’s landing, and Jack tasers the pilot. He gets Manilow off the plane. Jack shoots a hostile looking door lock, and they enter the building.
6:12 – Jack puts down the gun, takes everything Manilow is carrying, finds the thinnest bar he can find and handcuffs Manilow to it, just to make Manilow look like more of a wimp.
6:13 – Morris gives Jack what he’s carrying, and tells him Chloe wants her to talk to him.
6:14 – Chloe tells Jack that he needs to get a confession from Manilow within the next few minutes before the crack team of security people realize Manilow is missing, or they’ll be sentenced to…. more seasons of “24”.
6:18 – Sunrise and Jack’s filming without a director’s license, which can get you in BIG trouble in Hollywood, but Jack is taking that chance. Manilow says he’s stronger than Walt, and that Jack would be surprised he’s tougher than that. A full minute later, Jack gets done laughing at this.
6:19 – Jack tells the story of what happened and wants Manilow to confess about the gas canisters, President Allstate, killing people at malls, high gas prices, bird flu, and a few other things because Jack’s REALLY mad. Manilow acts like he doesn’t know a thing, and it’s pretty convincing.
6:21 – Jack sits down and tells Manilow that he had to disappear because of what Manilow was up to. He tells Manilow that if Manilow thinks that he won’t put a bullet into his head, HE DON’T KNOW JACK. Jack says unless Manilow confesses, he’ll put that bullet in there, by hand if necessary.
6:22 – Manilow tells Jack that he’ll go down in history with Lee Harvey Oswald and John Wilkes Booth if he pulls the trigger. Jack can’t pull the trigger!
6:24 – Agents surround the building, free Manilow and take Jack into custody. Manilow picks up the stuff on the table that Jack took out of his pockets….hehehe….
6:29 – Helicopter landing and Mrs. Manilow is waiting. CLG takes a phone call and tells Mrs. Manilow that Jack failed. New emergency backup Secret Service guys come off the helicopter with Manilow. These guys don’t look like they can be tasered easily.
6:30 – Mrs. Manilow poses with Manilow for a photo op. A military band starts playing music as Allstate’s body is taken to the tarmac. Someone whispers to them that they shouldn’t be playing “Living La Vida Loca”, and they switch to something more somber.
6:31 – Mrs. Manilow completely freaks out and starts telling Manilow he’s not fit to be president. Many people behind her don’t look the least bit surprised she’s saying this. Manilow has her taken away into a hanger.
6:32 – Manilow asks if the hanger is secure, goes in and starts knocking Mrs. Manilow around. He asks if he’s wearing a listening device and searches her. He briefly tries on her coat, thinks it looks fashionable and then gets back to searching for something that might be transmitting.
6:33 – Manilow confronts Mrs. Manilow about Jack’s plan to get on the helicopter, and asks why she did that. She said that it was all because he’s a giant handbag. Manilow admits to the gas canisters, President Allstate, and everything. He tells her that if she says anything about this ever again, he’ll make SURE she’s back on “24” next season and she looks completely horrified.
6:39 – Manilow is back out on the tarmac with Mrs. Manilow and he salutes a bird on the tarmac.
6:40 – Manilow goes to make a speech about how great everything is in this country. Chloe’s working on something to transmit, and the attorney general is on the phone. Chloe explains that the stuff Jack took off of Manilow has a listening on it. It was hidden in Manilow’s OWN PURSE.
6:41 – The play the recording, and there are lots of people with surprised looks on their faces, except anyone who was paying attention to what was happening on the show when Jack put all those things on the table when he was filming.
6:42 – Phone call to a federal marshal that hasn’t been punched with Jack’s elbow. It’s from the Attorney General.
6:43 – Manilow sees that something is going on when several agents get onto the platform with him, and it looks like he’s pretty sure they’re not there to help him with his purse.
6:44 – Manilow denies everything to the Federal Marshall until the Marshall takes Manilow’s purse out of his hands and shows him the beads that contained the microphone that transmitted everything he just said to Mrs. Manilow.
6:45 – Now it’s Manilow’s turn to try and give the evil eye to Mrs. Manilow. Mrs. Manilow looks highly amused until she can’t contain herself, points and says “Ha! Gotcha!”
6:46 – Manilow tries to pull rank, and a secret service agent informs him he’s been demoted from President Purse to tiny coin purse. They escort to a limo and they drive away to purse prison.
6:47 – Audrey drives up to see Jack, and they kiss. Or Jack is trying to suck the breath out of her. I’m not sure.
6:48 – An agent tells Jack that Kim is on the phone for him. Audrey threatens Jack by telling him that she won’t go anywhere.
6:49 – Jack goes to take the phone call, discovers that no one is on the phone, and three guys jump Jack! They inject him with something! Jack passes out!
6:53 – Back at CTU, Haig and Bill talk about Manilow, and they expect he’ll cut a deal and only be demoted to paper bag. Haig tells Bill he’ll probably be back at CTU, and he look crestfallen. Haig tells him that she was condescending and rude when she first came in, and Bill agrees wholeheartedly.
Bill asks her out to breakfast, but she declines, saying she has to get something done. She says “Write a check?” Bill happily agrees, until he realizes she meant that she’d rather have the money for breakfast.
6:55 – Bill pulls out a paper for Chloe, and it’s from Edgar. It’s a picture of them together. Chloe looks pretty sad about this, and inexplicably breaks out into song. She starts singing “Edgar’s Favorite Things” to the tune of “My Favorite Things”, with apologies to …well, everyone. Here’s what she sang:
Bacon wrapped Ho-Hos dipped in French dressing
Beer battered donuts between burgers compressing,
Chocolate lasagna mixed with buffalo wings
Those were a few of his favorite things
Deeply fried salads and ice cream with noodles
Cheese covered cereal in the shape of a poodle
Whipped cream on catfish with onion rings
Those were a few of his favorite things
Chili on French toast with garlic molasses
Sugar tortillas and salsa in glasses
Cheesecake Alfredo with a grilled dumpling,
Those were a few of his favorite things
When Miles starts fights,
When Shari sees things,
When I’m feeling mad,
I just simply remember Edgar’s favorite things
And then I don’t feel so sad
Chloe looks around, hopes no one notices, and goes off with Morris, a bit happier than before.
6:57 – Audrey goes to find Jack, hears the phone that’s off the hook, some ominous music, and realizes that a major plot twist just happened.
6:58 – Jack, REALLY beaten up, was abducted by the Chinese from last season! The Chinese guy tells him they tracked him down from a take out order he did several months ago. Jack asks to make one phone call. They ignore this. Jack asks for them to kill him, and they tell him he’s too valuable! They show they an exterior of a ship bound of Shanghai! Jack’s been Shanghaied!
7:00 – Time’s up!