Just got this:
FROM: David Wallace, CFO & (Acting) Director of Dunder Mifflin Infinity
TO: All new and returning Dunder Mifflin employees
SUBJECT: Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0
As the Chief Financial Officer of Dunder Mifflin Inc. it’s with great pleasure, that I announce the arrival of Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0. After a fruitful inaugural year, we spent the summer evaluating the successes (of which there were many!) and failures of DMI (1.0). With last year’s complications (issues regarding credit card encryption, sexual predators, and fraud) now firmly behind us, we’re finally ready to move forward.
We concluded that branch productivity suffered from over-saturating the market with too many Dunder Mifflin locations. In retrospect, our rapid expansion was a bit presumptuous. Consequently, we’re closing 100 of our 200 branches and eliminating our overseas offices. The employees affected by these closures are still highly valued commodities and will be invited to transfer to one of our remaining branches. We believe that by consolidating our employee workforce, we’ll gain a competitive advantage, which will help us meet the economic challenges we now face.
Additionally, corporate is going to take a step back this year; branch managers will be granted more control and responsibility within their individual branches. Having done such an excellent job last year, we’re giving branch managers the opportunity to effectively moderate their employees and ensuring them equal hiring abilities. With this added control, comes added liability. As a result, two-thirds of our original managerial force will be replaced; the application period for new Regional Managers will begin September 4th. So if you believe you have what it takes to accept the challenges and responsibility of becoming middle management, then we urge you to apply.
With a number of reforms to DMI already in motion, we’re excited to begin all new sales initiatives, which will help enhance our brand and earn you valuable Schrute Bucks. We’ll also be enriching the ’employee rewards program,’ offering new prizes and desk enhancements. I know that with all your hard work and sacrifice, we can put the nasty headlines and corporate scandal behind us. I’m greatly looking forward to working with each and every one of you. Together, we can make the new and improved DMI 2.0 an enormous success.
Click here to go to Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0.
From Infinity and beyond,
(Acting) Director of Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0