4 am to 5 am

4:00am – Haig and Jack talk about the recording, while Creepy attempts to stun them using an evil eye. Chloe and Bill have called congress to start impeachment, and have ordered party favors all around.

4:01 – They find out the chip has been been replaced with a recording of the Creepy singing “The Hokey Pokey”, and they realize that he erased the recording while he was in the room.

4:02 – Jack punches a security guard with ONE JackPunch and grabs Creepy by the neck to adjust Creepy’s tie with extreme prejudice. They discuss the recording while Jack holds Creepy by the throat against the wall. Creepy’s been transferred to a different show, “The West Wing”. Little does he know that show ended. Haig slaps Creepy, and he walks away.

4:03 – Haig tells Chloe to try and recover the recording, when Manilow calls, acting all innocent. Now he wants her to believe that the charges against Jack have been dropped. He says that he made a boo-boo.

4:06 – Bill comes in to announce that the writers have come up with a new plot! Woo hoo! A phone call from an agent in the field confirms that The Terrorist Guy With A Napkin On His Face escaped! Unfortunately for us, there was an explosion, and we didn’t get to witness it. There are, however, plenty of very flammable cars all around, just to prove something violent happened. Oh no…. One of the Gas Canisters has escaped and has threatened to explode. Terrorist Guy With a Napkin On His Face becomes TA DA! Terrorist Guy Who Formerly Had a Napkin on His Face when he rips it off.


4:13 – Mrs. Manilow is about to eat a LOT of Good and Plenty candies, but it looks like she realizes what they are just in time and spits ’em out. She grabs a cell phone (I think the one that Agent Aaron turned into), and goes to talk to an agent in the hallway, who grabs Agent Aaron The Cell Phone and walks away.

4:14 – They’ve converted Aaron from a cell phone back into his normal self! It looks like he attempted to beat the living daylights out of someone’s fist with his nose, because there’s blood everywhere. Manilow goes into talk to Aaron, and Aaron isn’t buying this whole spiel that Manilow is trying to convince him of. Manilow wants Aaron to forget the whole thing, and Aaron stands up to him! He gets in the first dig on how Manilow is a complete disgrace, not only to the presidency, but to handbags everywhere! Go Aaron go! Manilow tries to intimidate Aaron by making a really mean face.

4:15 – Manilow walks out into a hallway, and another agent tells Manilow that Aaron is going to be a problem. I hope Aaron can turn back into a cell phone in time.

4:16 – Manilow calls the Hollywood Writer Guy, and Hollywood starts quizzing him about all the loose plot points. Manilow says there are WAY too many loose plot points, and Hollywood tells him to concentrate on Jack. Manilow thinks there is nothing to worry about.

4:17 – Cheney Looking Guy tells Manilow that Terrorist Guy is probably going to set off another gas canister, and Manilow tells him there’s nothing to worry about because they’re just recycling plots from earlier in the show.

4:18 – Haig, Bill, Jack and Chloe are at CTU trying to find Terrorist Guy. Haig reminds them they have Robocop and that by offering him some extra motor oil, they might be able to entice him to talk. Bill asks WWAD? “What Would AllState Do?”

4:21 – Jack goes to talk to Robocop and wants Robocop to tell him where Terrorist Guy is. Robocop realizes he can get a deal, and asks for Howie Mandel. Jack tells him there’s NO WAY they could get Howie on the show.

4:22 – Robocop tells Jack that he’s (Robocop’s) dead. A deadman. Something like that. He says that as soon as he walks out of here, unless something REALLY great happens, having this show on his resume is going to end his career, so he wants to do something to help. He points out that, as a handbag, Manilow could never have thought up any of the plot that’s happening right now.

4:23 – Robocop says, and I quote “They can’t touch them, but they can touch you”. MC Hammer comes through the door, and informs them “They Can’t Touch This”, and Jack shoots him in the thigh.

4:23 – Robocop wants immunity and to disappear just like Jack did, and Jack points out that didn’t work out so great. Robocop says all he needs is Jack’s word, but doesn’t say exactly which word Jack uses. I’m guessing he means “chokehold”. Jack says he wants Robocop to give Terrorist Guy the John the Baptist treatment, and serve his head on a plate! Eeech! Robocop asks what kind of wine goes with that and they share a brief laugh.


4:29 – Jack gives Chloe a bunch of names to check. Audrey finds out that the recording has been erased and bursts into tears. They she finds out that Robocop is getting an immunity deal and bursts into tears again! I’m beginning to think Audrey is made entirely of tears.

4:31 – Bill tells Jack that he thinks he has something. Jack offers him some medicine, and Bill tells him that’s not what he meant. Robocop tells everyone about an arms dealer. Haig says “eeech!” and that they’re interested in weapons dealers, so they go with that instead.

4:32 – Robocop completely disses all the computers at CTU, telling them that the weapons dealer has a MUCH bigger hard drive. They all look at Chloe, and she agrees.

4:32 – Mrs. Manilow is outside the compound stalking a car. She looks disoriented….so she’s about normal.

4:33 – That Secret Service Guy that Manilow was talking to is trying to get Aaron to take a ride in the trunk of his car, and Aaron says that it’s way too small. They fight, and since Aaron is in handcuffs he only partially beats the snot out the other guy. Mrs. Manilow shows up and distracts the agent by giving him the chance to shoot her. He looks really eager to do this, but Aaron kicks him and knocks him off balance. The Secret Service Guy picks up a tire iron, and a shot rings out! It was Mrs. Manilow! She shot him and says “Just like a Secret Service Guy, bringing a tire iron to a gun fight”.


4:40 – Curtis comes out of no where and is escorting Jack and Robocop to the next plot location driving right by the same gas station that Audrey was at a couple of episodes ago. They’re headed for the weapons dealer. Jack sends in Robocop to go in wearing a wire, and Robocop reminds him that since he is Robocop, he’s completely wired, and that will do no good whatsoever. Jack tells Robocop that he doesn’t need a reason to put a bullet into his brain, and Robocop tells him that he’s not scared of that since it’s already happened to him, and suggests Jack go rent his movie. Jack tells Curtis to set up a perimeter, and Curtis doesn’t look too happy about setting up yet another perimeter.

4:41 – Robocop goes to talk to Weapons Dealer, who, inexplicably, is fully dressed at this hour in the morning. Jack sees a ladder to the roof, and can’t resist climbing it. He goes to lie down on the roof for a moon tan.

4:42 – On the inside, Weapons Dealer has a complete body scan done of Robocop, and gets his measurements. Robocop uses the word “phalanx”, and Weapons Dealer giggles until Robocop tells him that means there are a LOT of people outside with guns, and they’re just itching to shoot people in the thigh. Robocop convinces Weapons dealer to crash all his systems. Weapons Dealers does the unthinkable and starts to install Anti-Virus software onto all his systems, thereby assuring they’ll never work properly again.

4:43 – They’re all moving in! Jack goes in through the roof because it’s more difficult that way. Curtis moves in by throwing a random CTU agent through a plate glass door, which wasn’t as quiet as they hoped.



4:44 – Robocop asks for a gun and they start shooting everyone. Jack uses ONE bullet and takes down the Weapons Dealer. Curtis gets shot. You can tell because he’s has his angry eyes on.

4:46 – Robocop informs them there was a premature Jack invasion, and that Robocop ALMOST had the files downloaded to the world’s largest flash drive, because it would have had all the mainframe data on it. Jack orders Robocop handcuffed, and calls Haig to get Chloe to look at the files. They leave.


4:52 – Mrs. Manilow is taking a bloody rag and wiping it all over Secret Service Agent Aaron’s face. He’s faking being asleep so he doesn’t have to listen to her. Mrs. Manilow confesses to Aaron she was going to lie about everything. Aaron tells her he’ll dispose of the other secret service agent’s body, and he’ll lie low because it’s easier not to get shot that way.

4:53 – Jack tells a random CTU agent to secure Robocop by the tailgate, and the CTU agent says “Wouldn’t that hurt?” Jack calls Bill to find out what Chloe is doing. Chloe says, the files are for a Russian submarine that the US is helping with.

4:54 – Jack and Robocop leave to find that submarine on a suspiciously similar black helicopter that like the terrorists use, except we know it’s a good guy’s helicopter because it’s got CTU on the side.

4:56 – Jack gets on the phone with the US captain in charge of helping with the Russian sub. The Captain tells a Russian they need to put everyone on alert. The Russian crew guy says they’re completely out of “lerts”. The US captain gets a gun, goes off to see if the missiles are OK, and goes to see if everything is OK on top. He puts his head up like a gopher out of his submarine hatch, and Terrorist Guy is waiting to shoot him, and he does. Jack doesn’t look the least bit surprised.

4:58 – Terrorist guy turns on the gas canister, drops it in the sub, and closes the hatch. Sub guys go through dramatic death scenes for about 10 seconds through the WHOLE sub and they’re dead.

4:59 – Terrorist Guy and his henchmen go into the sub and get control of the weapon systems. Fortunately for Terrorist Guy, all his henchmen are well-versed in Russian submarine technology, which they learned in Terrorist school.

5:00 – Time’s up!

Next time: Audrey’s video on the Internet! 12 missiles ready to launch! Lots of shooting! Jack pulls a gun on Manilow!

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