9:00 pm – Bill wants Chloe to check on Audrey about suspicious activity. Bill tells Audrey she’s being taken into custody, and she asks if she’s under arrest. That Audrey…She’s pretty quick on the uptake.
9:01 pm – Jack tells Terrorist Woman that he’ll make this the worst day of her life, and threatens to let Geraldo interview her.
9:02 pm – Madam Haig wants to use drugs to get the truth out of Audrey. Bill tells her that all she has to do is look at her cross-eyed, and she’ll burst into tears.
9:03 pm – Jack wants to talk to Audrey directly, and reminds Madam Haig that Audrey’s father eats people alive. Apparently he’s a troll of some sort. Doh! If only The Hobbit were around to verify.
9:04 pm – Bill tells Jack that Impeccable English Speaking Terrorist (IEST) is going to release the gas sometime during the next hour. Going by the “24” rule, that means it’ll be close to 10pm.
9:08 pm – Fight in a dark area in LA, the cops come in and get jumped by terrorists faking the fight. IEST did this to get a police escort.
9:09 pm – Chloe finds dirt on Audrey. Jack gives her a handiwipe to use, but Chloe says that’s not what she meant. Audrey is having an affair with Robocop! Jack doesn’t like this ONE bit.
9:10 pm – Audrey’s in the room, and hasn’t burst into tears yet….mighty suspicious.
Commercial – Jack Bauer is moonlighting as David Breckenridge in a movie called “The Sentinel”? Wasn’t that an old movie about a guardian at the gate of Hell? Does this mean that Jack’s going to take on Hell itself next? This is so confusing….
9:14 – Sherry from Section 5 reports to Chloe….as an Edgar replacement. Chloe tells her that she’s COMPLETELY the wrong shape and size. Sherry looks over at Edgar’s workstation, and asks how she’ll get rid of all the Ho-Ho wrappers. Sherry sees the creepy Homeland Security guy, and Creepy seems to recognize her.
9:15 – Jack goes to see Audrey, says “Hi”, asks how she is, and how long she’s been a crazy Russian terrorist. Audrey tries to talk her way out of it, and Jack pulls the pictures out of Weasel and Robocop. She tries to lie about Robocop, and Jack catches her at it. T-minus 1 minute to tears.
9:16 – Tears!
9:17 – Jack isn’t buying it, slides the table away and goes to choke her.
9:20 – Madam Haig wants to give Audrey those drugs, and sends in the drug guy.
9:21 – Chloe tells Sherry to upload information, and Sherry looks like she was asked to semaphore the lower level of a TCP/IP stack using Cobol.
9:21 – Creepy Homeland Security guy comes over and tells Sherry that she’s not qualified to replace Edgar because she’s not cleared, doesn’t have the training, and can’t eat nearly enough Twinkies.
9:22 – Turns out that Creepy harassed Sherry in the past. Color me shocked.
9:22 – Jack doesn’t want Audrey taken, and gets tasered AND hand-cuffed (after taking out a guard). Audrey tells them that’s NOT how to apply handcuffs properly, and then shuts up when she realizes she actually said that out loud.
9:27 – Robocop gets a phone call from the guys that tried to take out Allstate’s brother Wayne.
9:28 – Secret Service guy wonders where Wayne is, and asks another agent if he’s seen Wayne or Garth. The agent tells him he wasn’t allowed up that late.
9:29 – Jack tries to patiently explain to Madam Haig that Robocop is probably lying, but Madam Haig REALLY wants to give Audrey those truth drugs. Jack wants Chloe to help him find info on Terrorist Woman.
9:30 – Creepy tries to get Sherry in trouble, and Chloe stands up to him by pointing out that she can probably dig up pictures of him from the Internet. He gets a scared look on his face and backs off.
9:31 – Terrorist Ice Cream truck drives up to a guard, and when the guard orders a Creamsicle, they shoot him. IEST strikes various modeling poses while waiting for the canisters to be unloaded from the truck. They enter the natural gas building.
9:34 – They find two guys, and ask who’s in charge. FIRST RULE: If someone scary looking asks to see a control room, don’t ask who they are, because this will get the other person with you shot. He let’s them into the control room, where they promptly shoot another guy who tells the first unshot guy not do do what they say. SECOND RULE: Don’t tell people with guns things they don’t want to hear. Unshot guy runs off to reduce pressure in the lines.
Commercial – Visa ….A whole lot of people in conference rooms asking “What would so-and-so” do…..and NOT ONCE do they ask “What would Jack do”? Jack would know. I’m sure of it.
9:39 – Secret service guy in the woods looking for Allstate’s brother, and is snuck up on by….Allstates’ brother…who has a gun. Where did he get that?? It must have been one of those guns you get in storm drains… the ones marked “Break glass in case of getting car shot on the road by mysterious van”.
9:40 – Audrey’s sweating in the interrogation room, and the interrogation involves a LOT of yelling and more table pushing around. She’s making up for a LOT of time not crying, because she’s crying a lot now.
9:41 – Chloe finds out that Terrorist Woman has been talking to Robocop, and voila! The immunity agreement is voided! Jack looks excited he gets to interrogate Terrorist Woman.
9:42 – The guard who’s guarding Terrorist Woman must be a new guy, because he starts trying to pull rank on Jack. Jack knocks him out with one punch, and looks kinda surprised that’s all it took.
9:43 – Terrorist Woman admits she was lying about Audrey, and tells Jack they’re in a natural gas distribution center but doesn’t know which one.
9:44 – Jack runs in to save Audrey…and yells really loud to get rid of Interrogation Guy. Jack and Audrey kiss because there hasn’t been a tender moment in several episodes.
9: 45 – Bill calls Jack about the gaslines. Sherry speaks up and says that she just happens to be a chemistry major, and to check gas pressure in the tanks.
Then just after Bill left, she says “Did you notice that? The way he brushed up against my shoulder? He shouldn’t have done that.” Even Chloe has a “Oh my….Maybe Creepy was right!” They replaced our lovable Edgar with a psycho chemist!
9:46 – Secret Service Guy and Wayne return to Wayne’s car, because that’s the LAST place the van guys would look. Oh, whoops. These guys have stinger missiles too. Does every bad guy on the show have those? Fortunately, they don’t have many brains because Secret Service SUV’s are bullet proof and Secret Service guy dries off.
9:52 – Helicopter, and Jack’s in it. Chloe says Jack has 4 minutes because this hour of the show is almost over.
9:53 – Terrorists with gas masks are playing with the canisters…. the canisters now have flashing lights and make funny noises when you touch ’em. Just to be sure we know they’re RUSSIAN terrorists, IEST tells them to get back and one says “DA”.
9;54 – Jack is still headed to the natural gas terminal, and he looks ready to jump out. They’re using one of those silent helicopters so that Jack can sneak up on them….. and down a rope they go.
9:54 – PSI in the pipes is down to 54%, and Madam Haig still looks made they’re done with Audrey.
9:55 – Inside the gas plant, Jack and Curtis shoot a couple of terrorists and then Jack tells everyone to take their silencers off because the guns will be louder that way.
9:56 – Gun fight! Canisters going off! Jack wants to blow up the plant to stop the gas! That’s our boy Jack!
9:57 – IEST looks a little nervous that he didn’t plan a better escape route. Jack sets an explosive device in the plant.
9:58 – Explosions and Jack looks pretty happy he was the one that got to do that.
9:59 – Fight with IEST! Explosions!! Jack pulls IEST into the police car!!! More Explosions!!!! I’m running out of exclamation points!!!!!
10: 00 – Cut to clock at “10:00:00”!