Last Time: Jack enlists the aid of Ching KaChing’s brother, Badabing, a fireworks specialist. After a long battle, Jack and RoboEdgar are able to blow up Godzilla, and street vendors start selling giant lizard sandwiches. In the midst of a street riot of protesters protesting against violence, Jack is unable to reach CTU by phone.
The following occurred between 6 pm and 7 pm, unless it didn’t, in which case you’re really reading about a secret lost episode of “Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood” that was never aired because it might have frightened the children more than the regular show did. We’ll have to check with the typewriter monkeys that wrote this.
6:00 pm – Police cars start to arrive to try and break up the protester riot. Immediately, several protesters switch to anti-police brutality signs, which they continue to use to beat each other over the head.
6:01 pm – Janosz sits in a car on a hill, watching as the police arrive. He gets out of the car, pulls out a shiny metal disk from the trunk. He adjusts some controls on the side of the disk, switching it from the “Okey Dokey” setting to “Evil”. Janosz steps back and pulls a small device from his pocket. He speaks into the device and says “Beam him down!” A man that looks remarkably like Julian Bashir from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” materializes. You can tell that he’s evil because he’s wearing a typical evil bad guy beard. He’s also wearing a “Ask Me How I Can Do Evil For You Today” t-shirt.
6:02 pm – Janosz says, “Either I made a serious mistake, and you’re from AOL, or you’re…” “Julian” looks at Janosz, and says “Take me to my brother, Marwan!” Janosz looks confused, and says “Oh! You mean Vigo!” and drives away.
6:03 pm – Jack tosses the phone to Chloe and asks her if there’s something wrong with it. Chloe slowly starts to explain how to dial a phone, and Jack grabs it back from her, and tells her that the situation is really serious. Jack tries dialing CTU again.
6:04 pm – A sedan pulls up to the scene. A young blonde woman and a man in a beige suit gets out of the car. The man holds his hands out in front of him, palms out, and looks through his hands, surveying the protesters. He walks near Jack, Chloe and Curtis. Ching and Badabing are still close by, and they hear him mumble that the protesters are filthy.
6:06 pm – Jack introduces himself to the man and woman, and the man immediately asks the woman for a wipe after shaking Jack’s hand. The man asks, “Jack Bower? Are you some kind of Euchre fanatic?” The woman apologizes and says her name is Natalie. The man walks away, his hands up, still looking at the scene. Natalie explains that they’re consultants to the police. The man sees Godzilla’s remains all over Alcatraz Island, and mumbles, “Oh my, they’re going to need a GIANT wipe for that! Natalie!”
6:08 pm – Chloe asks Natalie what the “wipes” are all about. Natalie explains that her boss is obsessive-compulsive. Natalie leans in close to Chloe and says she’s made a fortune in the stock market in companies that make wipes since she started working for this guy.
6:09 pm – The man suddenly stops, looks at Jack and quickly turns squints and points at Godzilla. The man says “You’re lucky you’re still here, after that misfired rocket.” Jack looks startled, and asks how he knows about that. The man points at Badabing, and says “He’s the one you should be asking. He nearly got you killed!” Badabing’s eyes widen, and he runs off towards the crowd.
6:11 pm – Jack, Curtis, and Chloe have bewildered looks on their faces. Chloe asks “Who are you??” The man points where Badabing disappeared, and says “He’s getting away!” Jack, who has his back towards Badabing, sighs, takes off his shoe and tosses it over his shoulder. The shoe flies through the air, and smacks Badabing in the head. The police surround him. Jack goes to retrieve his shoe.
6:16 pm – Jack asks how the man knew about the rocket. The man says that that scorch marks on Jack’s hands and clothes indicate that either Jack had a rocket blow up in his hands, or that Jack has incredibly dirty sneezes. The man shudders at the thought of this. The man says that he recognized Badabing from some police photos, knew his name was “Badabing”, and that he’s connected with a Chinese “family”. He tells Jack that if that really was Badabing, Jack is lucky to be alive.
6:18 pm – Curtis asks, “Are you telling me that he was a Chinese ‘Hit Man’?” The man says, “I believe they like to use the term ‘Life Cycle Expeditors’.” Chloe suggests, whoever he was with, he should ask his sister what’s going on. They look around, but Ching is gone. Chloe then asks everyone where RoboEdgar is, because he also seems to be missing.
6:20 pm – Jack thanks Natalie and the man, and tells Curtis and Chloe they have to get to CTU right away, since Jack still can’t reach them by phone. Jack slaps the phone into his palm to emphasize the point, and the phone immediately rings. They all stare at the phone for a second and Jack answers the phone.
6:22 pm – Jack says “This is Jack Bauer”. A voice at the other end says, “Ssshh! It’s him! Quiet! … Jack CPU? Is this Bauer calling?”. There’s laughing in the background. The voice continues, “I mean, ‘CPU? This is Jack Bauer’”. Jack hesitates, and then asks “Bill? Is that you?” The voice at the other end says, “He knows it’s us! Hang up the ph…”. The phone call ends.
6:24 pm – Curtis, Chloe and Jack are on their way back to CTU. Jack tells Curtis that there’s something he’s been meaning to do for the last 12 hours, and whispers something to Curtis. Curtis nods in agreement, and pulls over in a gas station. Jack runs in. A few seconds later, Jack comes running out holding a key chain with a key, a large piece of wood, and a fake beer bottle with the words “Buckwiser – The King of Deers” written on the side of it. Jack runs into the rest room.
6:29 pm – Jack leaves the rest room, returns the key. Outside of the station, a woman runs up to Jack with a piece of paper and asks for his autograph. He signs the paper and runs back to the car. The car continues back towards CTU. They drive several blocks, trying to figure out what might have happened to RoboEdgar. Jack asks Chloe to please try and figure out why all these people want his autograph.
6:30 pm – Janosz drives up to a non-descript building that has a sign that says “Nope! No terrorists here! Nuh, uh! No way!”. Janosz and Julian get out of the car and enter the building. Janosz yells out, “Vigo! I have a surprise for you!” Marwan steps out from another room, a big smile across his face. “Julian! We are reunited!”.
6:32 pm – Several thugs and henchmen enter the building behind Janosz. One of the thugs yells, “Marwan! We have set off the gas canisters! Dial your video cell phone to watch the aftermath of our destruction! Mahahahahaha!” Marwan stands up and shoots the thug, and says “If there is one thing I can’t stand more than a really melodramatic statement, it is having to use my own cell phone’s air time to watch the destruction of my enemies instead of watching it on my giant screen TV. ….WELL?” The remaining thugs run around trying to figure out how to use their own cell phones to connect to the television.
6:34 pm – Curtis, Chloe and Jack arrive outside of CTU. The parking lot is very quiet. The cars, pedestrians and birds are all pretty loud, but the parking lot is very quiet.
6:35 pm – One of the thugs is able to connect his own cell phone to the giant screen television at Marwan’s evil lair, and an image of Curtis, Chloe and Jack appears on the screen. The thug explains that they will be able to observe what’s happening in CTU by using the other cameras they have tapped into there.
6:41 pm – Curtis, Chloe and Jack, completely unaware of the gas that has been released at CTU, enter the building. They slowly enter the building.
6:42 pm – Marwan points at the screen and tells Julian, “See the destruction of my enemies!” One of the thugs in the background says something about it being OK for Marwan to be melodramatic, but no one else. Marwan hears this, turns around and shoots the thug. Of the henchmen says, “Hey! You didn’t even shoot him in the thigh!” Marwan shoots this guy too, and says “Hello?”, points to himself and says “Evil!”
6:44 pm – Loud “Barry Manilow” is being played from somewhere in front of them as Jack, Chloe, and Curtis make their way further into the building. Chloe starts to cry and tells Jack and Curtis that the poor people inside must be being tortured.
6:45 pm – One of the remaining thugs desperately tries to get the camera angle to change to what is happening inside CTU, but can’t do it. Marwan shoots this guy too. Marwan orders one of the other thugs to get the camera to work.
6:48 pm – Curtis, Chloe and Jack jump into the room, all three of them in Flank Two position. To all of their horror, all around them are bodies. All of the bodies are alive; that’s not the horrible part. The horrible part is they’re all taking part in karaoke, trying to sing “Copacabana”. Jack starts to feel light-headed, and tells Curtis and Chloe they need to start trying to get people out of the building.
6:50 pm – The thug finally gets the camera connection inside CTU to work, and Marwan lets out a scream as he realizes that no one inside CTU is dead. Marwan turns to the man that set up the gas canister inside CTU, and yells at him. “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CANISTER?” The man goes pale, and stammers that he stole it from a dentist’s office.
6:52 pm – Julian helpfully points out that it was probably Classical Gas they used, since they try and mellow people out in dentist offices. The man runs out of the building, Marwan trying to fire his gun. This guy is lucky that Marwan has run out of bullets.
6:56 pm – The phone rings, and Marwan answers it. It’s The Hollywood Writer Looking Guy. Hollywood tells Marwan that he has also been monitoring what has been going on. Hollywood tells Marwan that unless he starts following the real plan, Jack Bauer will escape again and again. Marwan screams in a fit of rage and slams down the phone.
6:57 pm – Outside of CTU, Jack helps Bill out of the building, while making a phone call to get some ambulances to help everyone else. Jack tells Curtis and Chloe that they need to get Bill to a doctor right away, since he seems to have gotten the brunt of the gas.
6:58 pm – Bill is humming the song “Mandy” to himself as Jack, Chloe and Curtis try and get him into the car. They finally do it, and Curtis drives off. Then he backs up and picks up Chloe and Jack. They drive off at high speed.
6:59 pm – A short way down the road, Curtis slams on the breaks and screams. Jack looks up and reassures Curtis that the thing he sees is called a “red light” and they happen from time to time. Curtis shakes his head, still unable to speak, and points at the billboard on top of one of the buildings in this distance. Jack and Chloe let out screams too. The camera pans around, and we see what they’ve so scared of. It’s a giant picture of Ex-President Manilow, wearing a wig. Underneath the picture are the words “Join Us For Sunday Services on Channel 43”. Just when you thought he couldn’t sink any lower, Ex-President Manilow has resorted to becoming a televangelist.
7:00 pm – Time’s up!