Previously on “24” – Jack: bit someone that wasn’t kosher right on the neck; shot his friend Curtis; strangled two people; watched a nuclear bomb go off; cried; shot a LOT of bad guys; got framed for killing his brother; ran up his long distance bill; disarmed a bomb; ran through sewers; got Audrey to say one word; took a phone call he shouldn’t have; finally heard someone admit that he was right; continued to save the world.
But most of all, Jack is still hoping that this season would get over so he could get a nice new plot for next year.
The following summary takes place between 5 am and 6 am:
5:00 am – Out at the oil platform, the boat arrives with Josh, who to his credit starts arguing with Grandpa right away. Cheng comes downstairs and tells Grandpa that all their cargo ships are being watched after the last Bauer they got out of the country, so this time they’re going to have to take a submarine. Back on the beach, Jack is wearing a bullet-proof life vest.
5:01 am – Chloe is in the hospital, with Morris by her side. He’s really worried, and the doctor tells him that she passed out because the absolutely bizarre plot this season finally just made her brain overload. Chloe opens her eyes and tells Morris to get back to work. She was listening the whole time! He wants to stay with her, but she tells him that it would really make her happy if she could just use a computer to find Grandpa.
5:02 am – Nadia tells Morris that Jack was right AGAIN (surprise). This time it was the oil platform. They decide to use a satellite to see if they can figure out how many people are on that platform, and it turns out there are plenty of people there for Jack to shoot.
5:03 am – Nadia goes to call Lennox, and Morris calls the doctor to find out about Chloe. The doctor points out the obvious: it’s just been about two minutes since Morris was there! The doctor tells Morris to quit stalking Chloe, and that he won’t release any information without her permission.
5:04 am – Lennox tells Noah that Nadia called to let them know about the oil platform. Noah wants to send in a special tactical unit, but one of the cabinet officers has got a much more explosive idea: F-18 fighter jets! Explosions galore! The circuit board will likely just blow up too. Lennox points out that Josh is not explosion proof, so it’s likely
that there will be lots of Josh shark bait in the water, if they go through with the fighter jets. Noah points out that if the Russians attack, a lot of people are going to die anyway, so he orders the F-18 strike.
5:07 am – Mike apologizes to Jack for falling for the explosive circuit board trick, and Jack says that it is OK, since he fell for that a few times himself when he was a rookie. Nadia calls Jack and tells him that the White House has ordered an air strike in thirty minutes. She orders Jack and Bill back to CTU to be debriefed, and not in a good way.
5:09 am – Jack is pretty upset that Josh is being written off like this. Surprise! It turns out that Bill is a part time helicopter pilot! They take over the helicopter, which no one will notice because it’s loud, has blinking lights, and a HUGE spotlight. The people on the platform will never see it coming.
5:14 am – The fighter jets are 22 minutes out, as Cabinet Guy tells Noah that Russian Troops are all in Flank Two Position near our military base! Lennox interrupts to let Noah talk to Suvarov. Noah explains the air strike plan to Suvarov. Suvarov tells Noah that they know there’s a Chinese submarine pretty close to the platform, and he’s pretty sure that it’s not going there for a fried rice delivery. Suvarov says that the oil platform needs to be completely destroyed in order to salvage what’s left of the plot, since explosions always help to do that.
5:15 am – Morris goes to tell Nadia that Jack and Bill are on their way to the oil platform with the CTU helicopter. Nadia tells Jack that she can’t authorize a suicide mission. Jack tells her that he’s already thought of that because Bill is with him, and Bill already had authorized a suicide mission today, so it all works out. Bill finally breaks in and tells Nadia that this is the right thing to do. Nadia stares off into space for a minute, remembering what it was like when Bill was in charge, and realizes she hasn’t seen the guys that said they were doing an immediate investigation during the 3:00 am to 4:00 am show. They must have run away from the plot. Morris sends the information about the bad guys on the platform. Bill is going to fly in to the platform now, just as the F-18s acquire the target.
5:19 am – Cheng, Grandpa and Josh have no idea what’s going on outside, so they’re not the least bit panicked. Josh asks to be let go, and Grandpa says he can’t do that because of all the water.
5:20 am – Outside, the Chinese guys outside see the helicopter, even though the helicopter is black, and it’s dark outside. Inside, Cheng GIVES BACK THE COMPONENT to Grandpa, and says they’ll meet at the boat. Why did he do that? Brain damage?
5:21 am – Bill uses the helicopter to sneak up on the Chinese guys, who knew about the helicopter, but STILL weren’t prepared. Jack does a lot of shooting, blows a few things up, and immediately finds Cheng. Cheng says they’re too late, because he’s fresh out of components and Josh. Jack goes off to find them, and Bill takes Cheng for a drag out to the helicopter.
5:26 am – Josh won’t go with Grandpa, so he just stops on the way to their boat. Grandpa tells him to stop acting “like a child” (even though he IS a child). Josh tells him to stop acting like a “demented homicidal traitor”. Grandpa decides to enact some tough love and nearly chokes Josh to death, all the while telling him to control his emotions. He must think Josh is half-Vulcan.
5:27 am – Meanwhile, Jack goes around firing at people that still haven’t left the platform. The F-18 pilots are four minutes, 30 seconds away.
5:28 am – Grandpa tries to get the boat ready, and Josh takes a wrench, smacks Grandpa in the head, and grabs his gun! Grandpa tells Josh that Josh won’t shoot, and there he’d be wrong. Josh shoot Grandpa! Jack arrives just in time, and tells Josh, “I’ve been exactly where you are, and I know exactly how you feel”. Josh gives him a look that says, “You shot Grandpa once too??” Josh finally gives up his gun, and Jack tells him to get to the helicopter. Josh runs for it.
5:29 am – Grandpa wants Jack to finish it, and Jack says there’s still a half hour left, so he can’t do that yet. Jack says that Grandpa needs to be held accountable for what’s happened today. Grandpa points out that unless Jack has figured out a way to stop time, there won’t be enough time to carry him anywhere and still make it off the platform before the air strike. Jack tells his father, “You’re getting off easy”, and Grandpa responds he doesn’t need oven cleaner. Jack says, “off easy, not Easy Off”. Jack runs for the helicopter.
5:30 am – Bill is outside of the helicopter for some reason, probably trying to figure out where the tires are on the thing. Nadia tells him they only have ninety seconds to get off the platform before the air strike. Josh arrives, and Bill very brightly lets out a rope ladder.
5:31 am – Noah orders the air strike. Bill circles around to get Jack, just as the missiles fire, and Jack grabs the rope ladder at the last second just as the explosions go off! Yeah! That’s more action than we’ve seen in WEEKS!
5:32 am – Noah confirms with Suvarov that the oil platform is now the burning pile of rubble formerly known as “oil platform”. Suvarov orders the withdrawal of the troops from around the base. Suvarov and Noah make nice.
5:33 am – Jack’s hanging on to the rope ladder, and decides to go for a swim since all this action has made him really smelly. Jack swims to shore, signals Bill that he’s OK. Josh wants to go back for him. Bill tells Josh that Jack isn’t ready to come back yet.
5:40 am – Noah goes back to the Oval Office, where he tells Cabinet Guy to have one of the US submarines to follow the Chinese submarine back to China. Lennox wants to get right on this whole Chinese thing, but Noah wisely decides to leave that for another day since there’s only twenty minutes left in the show. Lennox tells Noah that now would be a pretty good time to let Karen off the hook, since she did help get Jack involved, and besides a scandal right now wouldn’t work out very well. Noah agrees, and Lennox hands over the tape recording he made earlier.
5:42 am – At CTU, Morris goes to visit Chloe to let her know that everything is OK, since the Russians aren’t rushing, the Chinese aren’t china-ing, and they finally figured out a cure for Crazy Grandpa Bauer, who blew up. Morris tells Chloe he’s concerned, and after a short discussion about who loves who, Chloe tells Morris she’s pregnant. Morris asks, “With child?” Chloe says, “No, with a keyboard! Of course with a child!” Chloe says, “Let’s not ruin this moment by saying something stupid.” And then immediately says something stupid, “Let’s go back to work”.
5:44 am – Lennox comes in to tell Karen that she’s free to go, and that Bill is being pardoned too. Lennox tells her that she and Bill will be free to get on with their lives, at least until next January when the “24” season starts back up again.
5:46 am – Bill returns to CTU with Cheng in tow. Cheng looks like a V8 exploded all over his face. Josh runs for his mother, and Bill informs Cheng that he won’t be getting dim sum for a long time. Cheng tells Bill, “My people won’t abandon me the way you abandoned Jack Bauer”.
5:47 am – Bill congratulates Nadia on a job well done. Nadia wants to know where Jack went, Bill says “Jack won’t be found if he doesn’t want to be found”. Nadia looks at Bill as if he’s been hanging out in a fortune cookie factory too long. Bill says they have to let him go, and she realizes that he’s right.
5:50 am – Heller is on the phone with someone actually HAPPY that Audrey is still alive. Now THAT is acting, my friends. Anyway, he hangs up and hears something. He picks up the phone, and Jack shows up soaking wet, probably to make Heller feel more comfortable, since he likes diving into water too. Heller asks if Jack is there to kill him, and Jack says, “Depends”. Heller says he has a whole box of those, but that doesn’t answer his question. He tells Jack that he won’t let him see Audrey. You’d think Jack would be happy about that, but he goes nuts and pulls a gun. Turns out that Jack has father issues, but with Heller.
5:53 am – Jack is really mad that Heller told him he was cursed, because people like Heller ordered him on the various missions he’d been on, and never… not once, did they send a Christmas card or anything like that. Even when Jack had his “vacation” in China, not a birthday card, or a tactical extraction, or anything!
5:55 am – Jack says he wants his life back, and he wants Audrey back. He just wants to disappear, and if anyone goes after them both, he’ll kill them. Then, in the understatement of the whole season, Jack says, “I’m pretty good at that too”. Granted, not as much as last season, but still, you have to admire a guy that would get out of being held prisoner by biting someone’s neck, even though they hadn’t washed in a week. Heller says Jack won’t change, and he doesn’t want Audrey to pay the price the way Jack’s wife did. Jack says he wants to see Audrey.
5:57 am – They go into Audrey’s room, where she’s sleeping. He holds her hand, and tells her that he’s at a crossroads, and that he has to let her go. Audrey does some of her best acting ever, and doesn’t move a muscle. He tells her he loves her, and kisses her on the forehead without even wiping off his lips afterwards.
5:59 am – Jack gets up and leaves Heller’s house. He goes out to the terrace looks out on the ocean.
6:00 am – Time’s up!
Thanks to Dave Barry for allowing me to post these on his blog every Monday, thanks to everyone who actually read through the “24” summaries I wrote this season, thanks to my friend John who read through these week after week before I posted them, and extra thanks to my wife and kids who let me commandeer the TV every week to do this!