Twas the night before Christmas, when all through CTU,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a CPU.
The presents were set by the computers with care,
In hopes that Jack Bauer soon would be there.
The interns were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of thigh-shots danced in their heads.
And Chloe at her computer, and I at my VAX,
Had just rested our brains from last week’s attacks.
When out in the field there arose such a clatter,
I answered the phone to see what was the matter.
I brought up a window, and moused like a flash,
While part of my donut fell into the trash.
The blips on the screen were beginning to show
Lots of activity in the valley down below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a black SUV, kicked in high gear!
With a driver who chased those that would hurt us,
I knew in a moment it must be Curtis!
Chasing bad guys with him was Jack, yelling as they came,
And he shot, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Bye Cummings! Bye, Nina! bye, Salazar and Logan!
No, Navi! No, Dina! No, Henderson or Marwan!
They’re all gone now, we’ve seen them all fall!
We got them! Got them! We got them all!”
As the SUV stops at an airport, they’re ready to fly,
They meet with a helicopter, and mount to the sky.
So up to the building-top the copter they flew,
The flight with Curtis, and Jack Bauer too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Audrey came with a bound!
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her boot,
And if I had a gun, I swear I would shoot.
She was stealing the toys, things she wouldn’t give back!
We needed Jack back for a Big Jack Attack!
Her eyes they were crazy, her dimples were hairy!
Her cheeks were like Bozo’s, her nose was just scary!
The drool from her mouth had started to flow,
And it was clear she was mad they canceled her show.
The stockings we hung, she held tight in her teeth,
She took all the candy and made a hat of the wreath.
The fur she was wearing was nasty and smelly,
She was bound and determined to get back on the Telly!
Jack finally arrived, and he hid behind a shelf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And charged up his stun-gun, then aimed at that jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his gun,
And jumped out, giving Audrey a stun!
With Audrey subdued, to our team gave a whistle,
And carefully avoided the toe that was mistle,
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he went out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”