Previously on “24”, we saw that – Jack was able to confuse CTU by driving under some power lines; Mike has been going to psychic classes and knew exactly where to go to find Jack; Bill was put on his annual “You’re not the head of CTU anymore” vacation; Audrey has taken some Chinese language lessons a little too seriously and has completely forgotten how to speak English, because her head can only hold one language at a time.
The following summary occurred between 1 am and 2 am:
1:00 am – While he was waiting for everyone to show up, Jack took the time to clean the whole building so there would be a nice clean explosion. He tells one of the CTU field agents that, yes, that was the only plastic explosive he had time to rig.
1:01 am – Mike goes to talk to Audrey, but she’s still very upset about Silver Spoons being cancelled so all she says to him is “Help me Jack! Please don’t let them do this to me!”, and several million viewers make the same plea to the writers about the rest of the episode.
1:02 am – Nadia has jumped right into CTU command, setting up perimeters and everything. She starts cutting off people while they explain what she just asked them to explain. This is going to be very endearing. At this rate, the people in the office will be rigging her chair to explode any time now.
1:04 am – Morris goes to see Nadia, and she denies his request to be reassigned, making her even more popular. Morris is pretty insistent, but Nadia doesn’t want to hear about it. Morris looks at her office chair, sizing it up it up for just the right kind of office explosives.
1:05 am – Nadia gets a call from Mike, who wants to know if they have a lead on Cheng yet, besides the three huge black Hummers that they just drove off in. It sounds like Mike has lost his amazing powers of deduction that he used to find Jack. Nadia asks about Audrey. Mike says that Audrey is completely non-responsive, and that the Chinese must have done a little take-out on her brain, because she’s acting weirder than normal. Nadia insists that Audrey be brought back to CTU, because there are going to be a lot of people that are going to want to make fun of her there. Nadia asks if Mike has enough psychic energy left to know what Jack was thinking, and he tells her all about Jack’s plan to blow up the building and sacrifice himself. Despite this, Nadia is still mad that Jack let the secret chip get away. Jack tries to get Mike to let him talk to Audrey, because they used the same Britney Spears videos when they tortured him, but Mike refuses. Mike takes Jack and Audrey separately back to CTU.
1:06 am – Karen briefs Acting President Noah about Cheng’s escape, and Noah looks like he doesn’t like sitting in The Big Seat as much as he had previously hoped. He asks about Bill and how it went when Karen fired him, hoping that she at least had SOME fun with it, because Noah sure would have. Noah gives a little speech to Karen that he gave to Lennox to make sure that she is on board too. Lennox interrupts to let Noah know that the Russian President is on the video phone. Since they get “24” on iTunes, the President probably already knows about Cheng having the chip.
1:07 am – Off in her evil secret lair, Evil Lisa locks a secret evil door, and surprise! Gets jumped by an evil lobbyist. They immediately start negotiating the clothes off each other.
1:08 am – Back at the White House, Noah is on the phone with the Russian President, who points out that Russia is still doing better than America in the President count, since America has already had four during the time he’s been in power. As expected, Sukarov already knows everything about what has been going on. Noah makes a pun and says that he won’t let Sukarov “dictate” to him. (Ha! Soviet humor). Noah tries to play up the “Hey! You guys let an ex-Russian General in OUR country!” angle, but Sukarov isn’t deterred. Sukarov threatens to let his Russian generals have an “appropriate response”, and hangs up.
1:09 am – Noah is freaked out about the Russians already knowing that’s going on and wants all White House blogging to stop immediately. Lennox points out that it probably wasn’t the blogs that did it, but it was more than likely a spy at the White House or CTU!
Noah tells Lennox and Karen that CTU can get whatever they need to find Cheng.
1:10 am – We finally have an answer about how Cheng was able to get away: They used their lo-beam headlights so no one would see them! Even more surprising, Cheng has the exact interface he needs to connect the chip and upload its information to his technical support guy, who is less than an hour away. Oops! They must be running windows, because the tech support guy says they need a special access code to get at the chip, and their computers don’t have Windows Genuine Advantage software installed. The tech support guy says they’re going to need someone to figure this out for them, and since their phone calls to India are likely to be monitored, they’ll need to find someone. This would be a really bad time for Morris to go to the 7-11.
1:17 am – It’s been ten minutes, so of course Evil Lisa is done “debriefing” the guy in her secret evil hideaway. She goes off to take a shower, and of course, he goes into her purse to download something evil from her evil phone. Evil Lisa’s Evil Guy makes a quick phone call to another VERY evil looking guy, who confirms that Evil Lisa has no evil idea about any of this new evil stuff.
1:18 am – Chloe asks Morris what he was talking to Nadia about, and he explains his transfer was denied. Chloe apologizes to Morris for that “You armed a nuclear weapon today” crack. Morris tells her that they are “over”. (We didn’t even know they were really “started” again. We should pay better attention). Chloe seems to be pretty upset, since her chances with any of the other CTU guys are pretty slim, since she has no other technical equal there. She hides her face in the wall and tries to blow her nose while she cries, but cement isn’t very good for that.
1:19 am – Karen tells Nadia the good news about the Russians wanting to blow something up, and that Nadia can have some more resources. A team of experts has arrived to see Audrey too, but they haven’t looked at her yet. Nadia, realizing she’s now in WAY over her head, and that she’s already ticked off a bunch of the remaining CTU staff, asks Karen to have Bill back in charge. Karen won’t tell Nadia what happened.
1:20 am – Nadia tells Dr. Bradley, the doctor who will look at Audrey, that she wants to hear his impressions immediately. Dr. Bradley says that he does a great Christopher Walken, but there will be time for that after he’s looked at Audrey.
1:21 am – Milo tells Nadia that Mike and Jack have just landed. Nadia wants Jack secured (HA!), and wants to see Mike right away.
1:22 am – Dr. Miracle Max Bradley goes to see Audrey, who is doing some of her best acting ever by not saying a thing. They find little black marks on her arm, which are, technically, bruises.
1:23 am – Mike drops off Jack in a CTU interrogation cell, and Jack continues to beg to see Audrey. Jack tells Mike to “Take care of Audrey”, but he doesn’t really mean what the rest of us hope that really means.
1:24 am – Back in Audrey’s room, Dr. Bradley keeps saying “look at this!”, like this is first day on the job. He comes out to explain what everyone already knows: Audrey isn’t saying anything. It turns out that she either got repeatedly attacked with porcupines or that the Chinese gave her over 100 injections. Dr. Bradley seems to think the best course of action is to give Audrey even MORE drugs that will help her snap out of it. Mike is against this, and Dr. Bradley points out these are good American drugs, not the cheap Chinese stuff. Nadia asks what the downsides are, and Dr. Bradley says that it could cause vascular damage, neurological damage, and even death. Nadia says that she’s aware of the upside to all this, but wants to know what the downside is. Dr. Bradley says this is the only thing that will work. If only they had a Jack Bauer! Then they could do something! Mike says they do have a Jack Bauer! Dr. Bradley thinks a second and says that Jack might just upset Audrey more. Mike points out that at least Jack wouldn’t kill her, and Nadia points out there’s a downside for everything. Dr. Bradley says that he’s in charge, and since he has a lot of needles ready to go, he’s more comfortable about attempting something that might kill Audrey. He leaves.
1:25 am – Mike tries to convince Nadia to let Jack try to talk to Audrey, because it is what “Bill would have done”. Nadia gets a little miffed about this.
1:30 am – Acting President Noah calls Evil Lisa and wants to know where she is, and that she needs to get to work right away. Noah says “I need you”. Evil Lisa says “I need you too”, but I doubt they’re talking about the same thing. Evil Guy and Evil Lisa kiss, and she leaves. Evil Guy calls Really Evil Guy, but we don’t hear what they say.
1:31 am – Lennox arrives in Noah’s office, and beats around the bush for a while about the CIA report he’s holding, outlining that someone at the White House is talking to Evil Guy, whose name is Mark Bishop. Lennox finally tells Noah that Evil Lisa is involved, and Noah seems really surprised. Noah had been thinking he was the only one she’s been evil with. Lennox points out that they have lots of evidence that Evil Lisa and Evil Mark have been evilly meeting for lots of evil naughty time. Noah says this is a pretty big problem because he’s been playing Evil Noah with Evil Lisa and they’ve been having evil naughty time together too. Lennox gets a look on his face as if to ask why HE wasn’t getting any evil naughty time, but doesn’t say anything. Noah tries to explain how he and Evil Lisa get involved while Lennox makes a lot of disgusted expressions. Lennox finally tells Noah that they might be able to turn this whole situation to their advantage.
1:35 am – Mike goes to see Jack, and tells Jack about Dr. Bradley’s evil plan…. While he uncuffs Jack!!! He tells Jack to “Make it look good”, and turns his back! Jack jumps Mike and makes him pass out. Jack gets out of the cell, grabs a gun from a guard, and goes after Audrey!
1:36 am – Dr. Bradley gets everything set up so he can try and kill, er, I mean, “help” Audrey, and Jack bursts into the room! He grabs Dr. Bradley throws him against the wall, and takes Audrey. After they leave, Dr. Bradley pulls the “Jack Bauer Has Audrey” alarm, and everyone at CTU knows that Jack has Audrey. Nobody except Nadia seems to be the slightest bit surprised.
1:41 am – Morris tells Nadia that they still haven’t found Jack. Morris says it’s going to take a little bit of time, and Nadia offers the helpful manager advice of “make it take LESS time”. I’m sure Morris never thought of THAT. Good thing Nadia is on the job. Nadia looks up to not see Chloe, because Chloe is either invisible or not in her seat, and Morris doesn’t know where Chloe is.
1:42 am – Mike shows up on the CTU show floor, and Nadia confronts him about Jack. She’s not buying the whole “Jack overpowered me” thing, and Mike says he thought the plot needed a little spicing up, so he did what he thought was best.
1:43 am – Morris spots Jack! Nadia, acting like only a Star Trek captain could, decides to go get Jack herself, telling Morris to have others follow her.
1:44 am – Jack locks himself in a room with Audrey, and tries to talk to her. Jack starts telling Audrey her life story but she doesn’t seem to register anything. Thankfully, Audrey doesn’t say a word. Jack tells Audrey he loves her, and she grabs his hand, just as Nadia and gang use a CTU arc-welder to get through the door. There’s a brief drawing of guns, and Audrey blurts out “Bloomingdales!”, which everyone interprets as “Bloomfield”. Nadia tells Dr. Bradley to go to her office and some other CTU agents take Audrey away. Nadia promises Jack that she’ll make sure Dr. Bradley doesn’t touch Audrey.
1:52 am – At the White House, Lennox tells Noah that there are large numbers of Russian troops entering the Asian theatre, and they’re going to be mad there’s no popcorn and no show being played. Lennox says they’re going to be so mad, they’ll be able to get to an American base within the hour.
1:53 am – Evil Lisa arrives back in Noah’s office acting like she didn’t just do something evil with someone else. Noah tells Evil Lisa that the Russian’s know what’s going on. Evil Lisa tries to act like Innocent Lisa when Noah asks about Evil Mark, but Noah won’t have it. He reminds Evil Lisa that cavorting with the enemy is Treason, and tells her to go back to Evil Mark. She tries to protest, but Noah threatens her with another non-spot no-action filled season of “24”, and won’t hear of it.
1:58 am – Ex-Secretary of Defense Heller goes to talk with Audrey, promising to take her away. Audrey looks scared that he might drive off a cliff on the way home, like last year. Heller goes to ask Nadia if he can talk to Jack.
1:59 am – Heller goes to Jack. Jack promises to take care of Audrey. Heller threatens Jack and tells Jack to stay away from Audrey. Heller says, “You’re cursed, Jack! Everything you touch, one way or another, ends up dead!” I had no idea Heller was part Gypsy, but I stand corrected.
2:00 am – Time’s up!
NEXT TIME ON “24”: JACK WANTS TO CLEAN UP! JACK WITH A GUN! ASSAULT BY THE CHINESE! EXPLOSIONS IN A SEWER!