PREVIOUSLY ON 24: Jack lead a bunch of CIA agents in a “Running of the Bauer” event through London; A cohort of Jack’s did some street demolition; Chloe, who might have gone Goth or Emo, or a combination of the two, was saved by Jack and is now helping him; Heller has become President, but keeps forgetting where he left Audrey; Audrey has been assigned to torture duty and got married to chief of staff Mark; Yates learned that people in blonde wigs who speak with Russian accents think ears are actually pencil sharpeners; Catelyn Stark is now Margo and has taken up amateur drone flying.
The following takes place between 1pm and 2pm:
1 pm – Jack and Chloe drive up to the only pub in London with nearly no one in it at lunchtime. Jack uncharacteristically runs into the Little Bauer Room, only to find Yates dead on the ground. Jack pulls his gun and threatens several bathroom stall doors, but they don’t tell him anything, despite being stomped.
Chloe doesn’t see anything on any cameras near the pub because the Blonde Ex-Russian left by the one exit in London not covered by cameras. Jack finds a wig, and realizes that it is very unlikely that a dumpster would be wearing a wig, especially a blonde one. It has to be the girl, so they decide to start looking for any woman not wearing a wig.
There’s a subway near there, and not the sandwich kind. Chloe finds the woman nearly instantly because of the silver suitcase she’s carrying. The subway train she’s headed out on is Waterloo, which is sure to excite not only Bill and Ted, but also Napolean – that is, if they can get back in time for their school report. Jack heads for the subway, just as we see the woman inside a subway car as it moves away.
Meanwhile, Kate is either interrogating the seven dwarves, or men on their knees. She shows a guy with a Bauer hickey a picture of Jack she’s got on probably the only black and white camera phone on earth. She tries to trick that guy into talking, but one of the others, probably Doc, speaks up. Kate realizes this guy is in charge, because extras don’t usually speak on shows like this.
Erik gets a phone call – it’s Steve (no relation). Steve’s upset because he’s gotten reports that Americans are running around shooting things, and the British know that, because that’s what Americans usually do when they’re in London. Steve tells Erik to get out of there, because they’re having a crisis. And he means more of a crisis than Americans running around shooting things. He finally tells Erik that Kate shouldn’t even be there.
Doc tells Kate to naughty-word off, since they’re not the real police. He can tell this because they don’t have those funny round hats and whistles. Erik tells Kate that Steve is really mad, and that everyone has to be let go. She starts to argue that she has a contract until the end of the show, until she realizes that Erik means the dwarven prisoners. The dwarves all look very relieved that they’ll soon be doing something safer – traveling to Smaug.
Kate doesn’t like this at all, and plays Duck, Duck, Solid Bar To The Back Of The Head with Doc, who promptly falls over, not face first, but back of the head first which is pretty impressive since he was instantly knocked out. Kate wants to take Doc with them. Erik complains that the police won’t like it they find CIA agents there, until he realizes HE’S a CIA agent, and he better get out of there soon. They carry Doc to the car.
Elsewhere, Jack does some typical American tourist thing, driving on the correct side of the road, which is the wrong side in London. They reach the subway station ahead of the subway train, because London has no traffic, just like LA.
The train arrives at stop 9 and 3 quarters, and Jack jumps on. Jack makes his way towards the woman who just happens to notice that Jack is wearing all black and has an ear piece. So, she does something unbelievable – she cuts her own fish net stockings! She’s so frazzled that she accidentally cuts her leg too. As she exits, she smears blood on her face, thinking a rouge disguise might throw him off the track, but Jack spots the ploy right away.
She yells for help, and instantly two guys try to stop Jack. They’ve never heard of Jack before, so they don’t realize how foolish this was to try until .3 seconds later when they’re down on the ground incapacitated.
This is long enough for the woman to get away, even tough she’s the only one with red hair in the whole place. The woman finds a open gate, and jumps down into another part of the subway system, losing Jack!
On the street, Chloe continues to look for the woman, but gets sidetracked because she sees a man, woman and child that look a heck of a lot like her ex-husband Morris, her son, and the way she looks. Well, if the husband was 20 pounds lighter, if the son was 4 years older, and if Chloe grew her hair out and actually dressed in colors.
While she’s distracted, the woman walks right by Chloe and gets into a taxi, which thinks nothing of people with blood on their face getting rides. The taxi drives off.
Jack can’t believe she’s gone. Jack says, “You missed her? How?” Chloe tells him that it is very insensitive to do Indian impressions, and besides she just wants to go back. She’s really upset and explains that Morris and her son are both dead because of a car accident. She thinks it is her fault because she should have been driving, and thinks that she was target because she knows what really happened the last day she saw Jack.
Jack tells her “You can’t bring back the ones you love”. Chloe tells him that’s not how that Spike Jones song goes, and he should listen to more Dr. Demento. Jack says he doesn’t want to make Chloe do anything (like that would work, even for Jack), but he needs her help.
1:18 pm – Back in his office, Mark stares at his computer screen, pondering his next app purchase. There’s a knock and Mark uses his x-ray vision to invite Ron into the room.
Ron tells him he has a rendition order all ready to go. Ron says that they really can’t turn Jack over to the Russians because of all these “legal” things, and besides they’ll need the President’s signature. Mark says he’s pretty sure that all he’d have to do is tell Heller that he’s signing an autograph, and it’ll all be OK.
Suddenly, they are both scared to death by the entrance of … AUDREY. They both scoot away as she enters the room, cornering them. She wants to know what they’re talking about. Mark lies and tells her that they were talking about the soldier who is really bad at video games. Ron narrowly escapes as he eases past Audrey.
Audrey is out of her mind upset that Mark would actually try and prep her father for actual hard trivia questions that Parliament is likely to ask. She’s particularly upset about the double Jeopardy category and the fact that Alex Trebec wasn’t even there.
Mark says that Heller is in a compromised state and it would be foolish for him to try and get Parliament to go along with the lease extension. Audrey says this has nothing to do with Illinois, and she will not put up with having her father put on a leash, even with an extension.
Mark thinks they should go home, and try and work out things from there using “back channels”. Audrey asks if that means channels above 13 on the dial. Mark convinces Audrey that she should be the one that gets Heller to go along with this idea. Audrey leaves, leaving Mark unharmed. To celebrate, Mark decides to commit a federal offense and forge the President’s signature on the rendition order that Ron brought in.
Elsewhere, Jack and Chloe are doing the tourist thing and driving around London. Chloe spends her time looking up the woman, and discovers her real name is Simone Al-Harazi, which they both agree doesn’t sound very Russian. Jack realizes that Margot is her Mom. Margot is likely to be upset because her al-Qaida husband was beheaded in a drone attack when they were together. It turns out these drones are REALLY precise and Margot got away, even though she was right next to her husband at the time.
1:22 pm – Turns out that Margot has been doing pretty well for herself after the drone strike, because she’s got a nice house with a lot of flowers in the back. Margot notices Simone’s leg, and Simone assures her that she has no idea who the American who was follow her is, because she doesn’t read live blogs or watch American television. They give each other an awkward hug.
Simone goes inside and greets her brother, completing the terrorist family reunion. The brother says that Yates used a “non-standard” bus, and is very upset it’s not SCSI or even IEEE-488. Margot asks how long it’ll take, and he gives an engineer’s answer “about an hour, maybe more”. Margot gives a manager’s answer and says “Make it less”.
Simone notices the words on the video monitors with red background and that can only mean that the targeting is done! She’s so excited. Then she gets even more excited when someone that looks like a older version of Fez from That 70’s Show walks into the room. She starts speaking Arabic to him (Nadeen), because they haven’t done subtitles in a while. Margot looks none too pleased by their display of affection. In fact, either does Fez.
Margot sends out Simone to get a new pair of fishnet stockings. And to clean up the gash that has already stopped bleeding. Margot explains to Nadeen that sometimes even she had to do disgusting things, like be in this season of 24, and no one should hold that against Simone. Besides, it’s not like they were all invited to a wedding where people locked the doors behind them. Margot explains that she used to cut her fishnet stockings in the past too, but it was necessary because they’re all at war.
1:30pm – Chloe and Jack arrive back at Nerd camp. Adrian asks why they’re back, and Jack explains that they need to carry out further plot points. Jack goes on to explain that Yates has taken 10 prototype Amazon drones, armed them with Hellfire missiles and Amazon Prime. That means that at the very least, the missiles will cause havoc all over London several days earlier than if they went through the normal delivery methods. Adrian tries to point out that if America hadn’t invented Amazon Prime than there wouldn’t be an issue. Chloe looks disgusted that these boys are arguing like that, and re-writes Windows 8 to be more stable while they carry on.
Adrian, Jack and Chloe discuss that what they really need is proof that Tanner’s drone was taken over, and they’ll need a flight plan. One of the up until now silent background nerds goes into a little speech about how the pilot’s name is Tanner and that it’s been all over the news. Chloe shoots him a look as if to say, “We just said his name, right over there! This is the second time I’ve been right next to someone and they can’t hear me!”. Other nerds in the room find out that Tanner is going to be handed over to the British embassy soon, so Jack and Chloe are going to need some help. Adrian agrees.
Kate is using Google Maps to continue to search for Pokemon from last April Fool’s day while she and Erik drive with Doc in the back of the car. Doc has fixed himself somehow with a gauze bandage. Doc will not shut up.
1:33 – Erik drives into a tunnel that just happens to be where a dangerous gang of thugs that Doc has previous experience with are standing around. You can tell they’re dangerous because there’s graffiti everywhere. Kate threatens Doc with an ejection seat unless he talks. He won’t talk, so Kate hits the button… which lets down the window a little. This completely freaks out Doc, and he says that Yates has been talking about Tanner, and several episodes of Breaking Bad. That makes Erik and Kate mad because they’re a season behind on Netflix. Fortunately for Doc, even though he’s freaking out and yelling, the thugs have extremely bad vision and can’t tell who’s in the car. They drive off before the thugs can even do a thing.
Meanwhile, at a very violent looking peace protest outside of the U.S. Embassy, Tanner arrives by limo. Everyone’s yelling at the limo like Lou is holding up a sign for Springsteen.
1:39pm – Margot attempts to stitch up her fishnet stockings, accidentally stitching up Simone instead. Margot tells Simone that she should be careful, because the American, whomever he was, found her once, when he shouldn’t have at all. Margot finishes and leaves, while Simone looks mysteriously around the room.
In the Erik/Kate car, they’re STILL driving around, meaning that they’re taking the very long way around back to headquarters despite driving very quickly. Kate says that the DOD app on her iPad says that Tanner claims someone took over his video game, probably using screen sharing technology. Kate says, “There’s something that makes all these pieces fit together…what are we not seeing?” Erik says, “A Plot?” Erik goes on to point out, yet again, that even though Kate is pretty sharp, she was still the one that was married to an agent for the Chinese, and didn’t even know it! Also, “Neener-Neerer”.
Kate’s phone rings: It’s Steve (again, no relation). Turns out that Kate’s team tattled on her, and she shouldn’t be doing anything. That is until Kate tells him that they were able to get some info. Then Steve says, “Well, then that’s OK then.”
Heller watches TV which announces that the crowd outside has nearly tripled, which means there’s probably about 10 people out there now, but they’re making a lot of noises due to enhanced special effects. Oh, and he’s in his bathrobe.
Audrey enters the room, and while they watch TV, Heller says, “They want blood”, which gets Audrey very excited, until she realized he doesn’t mean that literally. They want justice for what Tanner did.
Audrey mutes the TV. Heller picks up the remote to mute Audrey, but it doesn’t work. She says that she wants to talk to him about his appearance and Parliament. He says he’s perfectly comfortable in a bathrobe, and will wear it if he wants to, despite what Mark is worried about.
Heller insists that the treaty is going to have to happen here and now. Audrey points out that would be silly because there’s no one else here, and Mark wouldn’t like that. She tells Heller that he should continue to get dressed because it turns out the robe he’s wearing is a lot shorter than she realized.
Meanwhile, outside the U.S. Embassy, the mob continues to carry on. So, logically, Jack is in the street headed right for it and easily walks through the crowd. Except for one guy who pushes Jack. Luckily for him, Jack is in a hurry, so Jack doesn’t shoot him. Jack walks up to the non-angry line outside the embassy.
Back at Nerd Camp, Adrian changes the fake id code that Jack is going to try to use to get into the embassy with 8675309. The Nerd girl points out that not only is his name not Jenny, but it will also get Jack flagged by security.
1:51 – Nadeen is still trying to come to terms with Simone being with another guy and takes a drink of alcohol, which would make Margot furious, not only because it’s against her religion, but also because it’s her super expensive stash. Simone is concerned that Nadeen still hasn’t come to terms with what she had to do, to get the drone controller. Simone says that she HAD to kiss the nerd, but she swears he tasted terrible.
It turns out that Nadeen is having second thoughts about this whole “killing” thing. And “victims” and “blood”, and “nightmares”. This just isn’t working out the way it always does in the video games he plays, so he’s disillusioned. Simone says all the killing is perfectly AOK, because that’s what psychotic people do. She starts to kiss him while Margot watches on the ultra-creepy cam.
1:54 pm – The Prime Minister greets the President when he arrives, strangely out of site of any protestors. The PM suggests the President not address the Parliament, mainly because they’re not an envelope, but also because they are a really surly bunch like a pack of rabid congresspeople. Heller says he’s “with Churchill on this one”, forgetting that Churchill has been dead for quite some time but walks off before the PM can point this out.
Meanwhile Mark and Audrey argue about Heller, until she reveals that Mark keeps her in a box like a fragile keepsake. Mark points out that he only does this for his safety and the safety of all those around him, and that he has a key for that box.
The PM enters Parliament and introduces Heller, who’s going to speak to them. He gets out the words “Ladies and Gentlemen” and people start yelling, really confusing Heller, at least for now.
There’s a whole montage of scenes, which is mainly in place to waste a bit of time until the last scene.
Erik and Kate arrive where they were headed to so fast: The U.S. Embassy, which Jack arrived at long, long ago.
Jack, meanwhile, finally gets to the front of the line. The guard asks why Jack is there, and he says “To kick ass and take names. And visa versa”. The ID tag doesn’t match! There’s a tense moment back at Nerd Camp, and Chloe realizes Jack is in deep trouble. Jack walks away, beats up a policeman, grabs his gun and thigh shoots the guy that pushed him before! And someone else for good measure, causing mass panic. Jack runs into along with the crowd into the embassy with Kate and Erik hot in pursuit. Kate yells “Bauer” a couple of times, thinking that might stop Jack.
NEXT TIME: Elbow hits! Jack talks to Tanner! Hostages! Exploding doors!