24 – Two Days Later – 7 pm to 8 pm

24 – Two Days Later

7:00 pm – A young man, dressed as a valet, speaks with his supervisor while a small group of other valets waits. The supervisor says, “This is your first day. All you have to do is greet the guest, take the car keys, hand them a receipt, and drive the car over to the lot. That’s all there is to it.” A car pulls up to the restaurant. The other valets seem to recognize the car, and all dive behind the bushes, in an attempt to hide. The supervisor looks around nervously, and tells the new valet to park the car that just drove up. The new valet runs around to the driver’s side door to open it. Before he gets there, the car door opens, and Jack Bauer steps out. He warns the valet that if anything happens to the car, he will hunt him down. The valet looks nervously back towards the restaurant and sees his supervisor nervously peaking out from behind a philodendron.

7:02 pm – Jack enters the restaurant. The hostess asks if Jack had reservations. Jack says, “I’m not Native American. I’m just here to meet some friends.” Jack sees Bill, Chloe and Morris in a booth in the back of the restaurant near a small musical quartet, and starts towards them.

7:03 pm – On his way to the table, Jack briefly interrogates one of the customers after seeing a table with a suspicious plate of linguini covered with crumbled Pop Tarts and French fries. Jack finally concludes the customer just has an extremely bad sense of taste, and he continues through the restaurant to the table where his friends are seated.

7:04 pm – Jack sits down in the booth with the others, and thanks them for inviting him out for dinner, and especially for not picking a Chinese restaurant. Bill tells Jack that CTU has hired him as a consultant.

Chloe tells Jack, “I’m so sorry about Audrey.”

Jack looks down at the table and says, “Thanks, Chloe, but Audrey is going to be fine”.

Chloe says, “That’s what I meant”.

Bill distracts them both and says, “I have it on authority that Cheng has been released from custody.”

Chloe rolls her eyes. “We all know that, Bill. I’m the one that told you that!”

Bill doesn’t seem to hear this and continues, “Cheng was released to the Chinese embassy just a couple of hours ago. The White House had him released after the Chinese ambassador threatened to cut off all shipments of wonton wrappers to the United States, unless Cheng was remanded to Chinese custody”.

Jack slams his fist onto the table. “Don’t they know what Cheng is capable of? The last few days just haven’t made any sense to me. First we thwart a plot to blow up a major city with a nuclear weapon…”

Bill points out, “They blew up Valencia, Jack”.

Jack continues, “I said MAJOR city… Ok, I see your point. We mostly thwarted them. That’s beside the point.” He glares at Bill. “…Anyway, it turns out that my dad, brother, a Russian general who was under the delusion he had detachable arms, and some Mid-Eastern terrorists from a country whose name we never found out are all in on this bomb plot. We get that fixed, and then we have to fight the Chinese over a computer chip, AND over what they did to Audrey! Does that make sense to anyone here?” Everyone is quiet.

The waiter arrives with drinks for Chloe, Morris, and Bill, and asks Jack for his drink order. Jack orders a margarita with a perimeter of salt.

Jack looks at them all. “I’m just happy that it’s all over, and we don’t have to worry about anything bad happening.”

Loud foreshadowing music plays.

Morris reaches out and pulls over a waiter. “Do you mind asking the quartet not to play any loud foreshadowing music?”

7:08 pm – Several workers in an abandoned factory make adjustments to a large television screen which hangs above an arch, positioned against a wall. Wires connect the arch to a large bank of computers. People sit at the computers, working frantically. Cheng stands at the other end of the room, and speaks on a cell phone. “Yes. I’ve just arrived… Yes. The final adjustments are being made now. We’re awaiting your arrival.”

7:09 pm – Cheng hangs up the phone and dials another number. He tells the person at the other end, “You have a green light. …No, I know you’re not sitting at a traffic light. I meant that you should start the operation. …Yes, I realize you’re not a doctor. That’s not what I meant! Listen carefully! The mission you’ve been training for… Yes. Yes, that one. It’s time to start!”

Commercial

7:16 pm – Morris asks Bill, “When is Karen getting back from Washington?”

“She’ll be back in another week,” Bill replies. “Vice President Daniels asked her to stay on a few a few more days until she could hire her own replacement. Karen is having a hard time finding someone that’s capable of resigning, taking it back, firing her husband and then circumventing secret military operations. There aren’t many people submitting resumes with that sort of experience.” Bill seems proud of that.

7:17 pm – A busboy walks out through the back door of the restaurant where Jack is having dinner. He walks into the alley carrying several trash bags. He opens the lid and throws the bags in. He turns around to go back into the building when a man stands up in the dumpster, and pulls the busboy into the dumpster. There’s a short fight inside the dumpster. The attacker jumps out of the dumpster and unzips the cover-all he is wearing; he’s wearing clothes just like the waiters inside. He grabs something from inside the dumpster and goes into the building.

7:20 pm – Morris and Chloe are in the midst of an argument about the merits of using strongly-typed languages versus weakly-typed languages as the waiter arrives with the drinks and food. Bill and Jack try to break up the fight, and no one notices that the waiter isn’t the same one that took their orders. Everyone finally calms down, and everyone except Jack starts to eat.

Bill asks why Jack isn’t eating, and he says, “I can’t eat this chicken. After biting that guys neck a couple of days ago, chicken tastes like terrorist to me now.”

Chloe says, “Well, Jack, why did you order it then?”

Jack thinks for a second, and says “…. I didn’t…”

As Jack pushes that plate away, he sees a wire come out from underneath it. He lifts it up and sees a small explosive device on the bottom of the plate! Jack immediately takes the plate and starts to run out of the building. The hostess at the front briefly attempts to stop Jack from leaving with one of the restaurant plates, but thinks better of it when he pulls out a gun. Jack shoots the glass door which shatters as he runs through it, and across the street.

By this time, Bill, Morris and Chloe have gotten out of their seats and taken a few steps towards the front of the restaurant. Somewhere outside, there’s a large explosion.

Commercial

7:28 pm – Police cars, fire trucks and many people with cell phones trying to take videos to sell to the media are out in the street. The movie theater across from the restaurant is engulfed in flames. Bill approaches a group of movie theater employees to ask what happened, and one of them tells him that a man carrying a plate of chicken ran into the theatre moments before the whole place exploded.

7:29 pm – Firemen are working to clear the marquee that fell down in front of the entrance, so they can go inside the theatre to look for any survivors. They move a large section of the marquee, and we see soot-covered Jack emerge from the building, eating a bag of popcorn.

7:30 pm – The movie theater manager that has been talking to a police sergeant points at Jack and yells, “I want that man arrested!” Jack walks over to him and shows the officer his CTU badge. Bill, Morris and Chloe run over to Jack, expressing their relief that he’s OK. The manager is still very upset. “I want this man arrested! I don’t care where you’re from, or who you work for! You blew up my theater!”

Jack says, “Relax! When I ran outside, I had to dispose of the bomb in a place that I knew wouldn’t have any people in it. I saw that the theatre across the street was showing ‘The Life and Times of Paris Hilton’, and I knew the place would be completely empty.”

The sergeant asks, “What about the employees?”

The manager of the theatre speaks up, “We all ran out of there after the movie started. We didn’t want anything to do with that movie”.

7:32 pm – The police sergeant pulls the theater owner aside to tell him about CTU’s contract with the city to blow up any buildings they feel necessary. Jack dials CTU on his cell phone, and notices the waiter who brought him the plate bomb getting into a car down the street. He starts to run after the car, and tells Bill to get his SUV so they can go after the waiter. Jack starts running after the car. A valet tosses Bill the keys to the SUV and points to the lot near the restaurant.

7:34 pm – Jack runs down the street and around the corner after the waiter’s car, while trying to talk to Nadia at CTU at the same time. Nadia hears the heavy breathing on the other end of the line, and threatens to send a CTU tactical unit until she realizes it’s Jack on the phone. Jack stops and tells her the license plate and the location of the waiter’s car. Nadia tells Jack that she’ll get her top people on it. Jack points out that Chloe and Morris are her top people, and that they’re both with him right now. Nadia says she’ll get her next-to-top people on it. Bill’s car finally catches up with Jack, and Jack gets into the passenger seat, with Chloe and Morris in the back.

Commercial

7:40 pm – The waiter drives at high speed through the streets of Los Angeles, and realizes that Bill’s car is closing in fast. Jack leans out of the car and shoots the tires of the waiter’s car, which slows it down, but the waiter keeps driving. The waiter calls Cheng to tell him that Jack is hot on his trail, and closing in fast.

7:41 pm – Cheng tells the waiter he’s sorry to hear that. With the waiter’s car slowing down and Bill speeding, Jack has nearly caught up! Cheng presses a sequence of numbers on his cell phone, and then “enter”. The waiter’s car explodes!

7:42 pm – Nadia calls Jack, and starts to complain that Jack shouldn’t have blown up the car they were trying to track. Jack tells her that this time it wasn’t his fault. Bill, Morris and Chloe all speak up and Jack holds his cell phone towards them all so that Nadia can hear it. Nadia tells Jack that before the explosion they were able to spot the car on satellite, intercept a cell phone call between the car and Cheng, and pinpoint Cheng’s exact location. Jack seems pretty impressed about how they were able to do all that with a couple of minutes. Nadia shrugs and says it has something to do with those “computer thingies”.

7:44 pm – Jack asks Nadia where they need to go to find Cheng, and she gives them the address of an abandoned factory. Jack relays the information to Bill, and they start driving towards the factory. Morris asks Chloe why there are so many abandoned warehouses around, and that someone should start keeping an eye on those things because they always seem to turn into headquarters for criminals.

7:46 pm – Cheng dials his cell phone, and tells the person at the other end “The plan to kill Jack Bauer has failed, but we’ll continue to try. This doesn’t change your overall plans. The device is nearly ready.”

7:47 pm – Bill rolls the SUV to a stop and turns off the lights to the car. He points down the street and says, “That must be the abandoned warehouse. It has armed guards with machine guns out front.” Jack uses his binoculars to look at the guards. He tells Bill this isn’t the right address, and this must be some other criminal hideout. Bill realizes the right place is several blocks away, and starts heading there.

Commercial

7:52 pm – The SUV rolls up to another, suspiciously similar, abandoned warehouse. This one also has some guards armed with machine guns out front. Jack says he has a plan, and asks Bill, “Can I drive?”

Bill says, “…I think so, Jack. I’ve seen you do it before.”

Jack and Bill get out of the car and switch places to that Jack can drive. Jack revs up the SUV engine, and floors it! He heads straight for the chain-link fence the guards are standing in front of. The guards are taken completely by surprise because cars do this sort of thing in Los Angeles all the time, before swerving off in a different direction. Jack shoots one of the guards and crashes the SUV through the fence. The SUV spins around and Jack shoots the other guard. The SUV comes to a stop.

7:54 pm – There are several other cars in the lot, all parked next to the warehouse. One of the cars is in a parking spot labeled, “Criminal Mastermind of the Month”. The whole place is very quiet. Jack tells everyone to get out their guns, and get out of the car. Bill and Morris each pull out a gun, and Chloe pulls out a taser. They approach a building that has a sign on it “ACME Rent-A-Warehouse: Warehouses for the Criminal Mastermind”. Jack tells Bill to make a note of that for CTU. Jack opens a door to the warehouse, and after checking that the coast is clear, goes in. The rest follow.

7:55 pm – They see the warehouse doesn’t have anyone in it, at least that they can see. They spread out to look around. They see the arch with the television screen above it. The area within the archway is dark, and they can’t see through it. Bill and Jack check the other exits in the room, but don’t see anything.

7:56 pm – Morris looks at the computers. He tells everyone that the computers have been locked, and it’ll take some time to figure out what’s going on. Chloe picks up a television remote control on a table next to the arch, and clicks the “on” button. The dark area in the arch flickers as if a light were turned on, because we can now see a hallway down past the arch. The television monitor displays the same scene. Chloe tries the “off” button, but the remote makes a popping noise instead of turning anything off.

7:57 pm – Jack sees the hallway and tells everyone to come with him because it will be safer. They hesitate for a second, but decide to follow anyway. They all walk through the arch into a shag-carpeted hallway. There is wood paneling on the walls. Morris smirks and says that the seventies called and wants its style back. Jack hears a noise from one of the rooms. He motions for everyone to be quiet, and kicks the door in.

7:58 pm – Jack bursts into the room, and there’s a little blonde girl in pigtails in the room. She screams. Jack tells her that everything is OK. They’re looking for some very bad people who came through the hallway. The little girl has a lisp and tells them that she hasn’t heard anyone. She says she wants to see her parents.

7:59 pm – Chloe tells Jack, “Uh, Jack…. I think you should see this.” Jack steps back out into the hallway and looks to where Chloe is pointing. The archway they walked through is gone! Jack goes back to the little girl, and asks, “What’s your name, honey?” The little girl says, “Cindy.”

8:00 pm – Time’s up!

Summary of “24”: Episode 24 – 5 am to 6 am

Previously on “24” – Jack: bit someone that wasn’t kosher right on the neck; shot his friend Curtis; strangled two people; watched a nuclear bomb go off; cried; shot a LOT of bad guys; got framed for killing his brother; ran up his long distance bill; disarmed a bomb; ran through sewers; got Audrey to say one word; took a phone call he shouldn’t have; finally heard someone admit that he was right; continued to save the world.

But most of all, Jack is still hoping that this season would get over so he could get a nice new plot for next year.

The following summary takes place between 5 am and 6 am:

5:00 am – Out at the oil platform, the boat arrives with Josh, who to his credit starts arguing with Grandpa right away. Cheng comes downstairs and tells Grandpa that all their cargo ships are being watched after the last Bauer they got out of the country, so this time they’re going to have to take a submarine. Back on the beach, Jack is wearing a bullet-proof life vest.

5:01 am – Chloe is in the hospital, with Morris by her side. He’s really worried, and the doctor tells him that she passed out because the absolutely bizarre plot this season finally just made her brain overload. Chloe opens her eyes and tells Morris to get back to work. She was listening the whole time! He wants to stay with her, but she tells him that it would really make her happy if she could just use a computer to find Grandpa.

5:02 am – Nadia tells Morris that Jack was right AGAIN (surprise). This time it was the oil platform. They decide to use a satellite to see if they can figure out how many people are on that platform, and it turns out there are plenty of people there for Jack to shoot.

5:03 am – Nadia goes to call Lennox, and Morris calls the doctor to find out about Chloe. The doctor points out the obvious: it’s just been about two minutes since Morris was there! The doctor tells Morris to quit stalking Chloe, and that he won’t release any information without her permission.

5:04 am – Lennox tells Noah that Nadia called to let them know about the oil platform. Noah wants to send in a special tactical unit, but one of the cabinet officers has got a much more explosive idea: F-18 fighter jets! Explosions galore! The circuit board will likely just blow up too. Lennox points out that Josh is not explosion proof, so it’s likely
that there will be lots of Josh shark bait in the water, if they go through with the fighter jets. Noah points out that if the Russians attack, a lot of people are going to die anyway, so he orders the F-18 strike.

5:07 am – Mike apologizes to Jack for falling for the explosive circuit board trick, and Jack says that it is OK, since he fell for that a few times himself when he was a rookie. Nadia calls Jack and tells him that the White House has ordered an air strike in thirty minutes. She orders Jack and Bill back to CTU to be debriefed, and not in a good way.

5:09 am – Jack is pretty upset that Josh is being written off like this. Surprise! It turns out that Bill is a part time helicopter pilot! They take over the helicopter, which no one will notice because it’s loud, has blinking lights, and a HUGE spotlight. The people on the platform will never see it coming.

Commercial

5:14 am – The fighter jets are 22 minutes out, as Cabinet Guy tells Noah that Russian Troops are all in Flank Two Position near our military base! Lennox interrupts to let Noah talk to Suvarov. Noah explains the air strike plan to Suvarov. Suvarov tells Noah that they know there’s a Chinese submarine pretty close to the platform, and he’s pretty sure that it’s not going there for a fried rice delivery. Suvarov says that the oil platform needs to be completely destroyed in order to salvage what’s left of the plot, since explosions always help to do that.

5:15 am – Morris goes to tell Nadia that Jack and Bill are on their way to the oil platform with the CTU helicopter. Nadia tells Jack that she can’t authorize a suicide mission. Jack tells her that he’s already thought of that because Bill is with him, and Bill already had authorized a suicide mission today, so it all works out. Bill finally breaks in and tells Nadia that this is the right thing to do. Nadia stares off into space for a minute, remembering what it was like when Bill was in charge, and realizes she hasn’t seen the guys that said they were doing an immediate investigation during the 3:00 am to 4:00 am show. They must have run away from the plot. Morris sends the information about the bad guys on the platform. Bill is going to fly in to the platform now, just as the F-18s acquire the target.

5:19 am – Cheng, Grandpa and Josh have no idea what’s going on outside, so they’re not the least bit panicked. Josh asks to be let go, and Grandpa says he can’t do that because of all the water.

5:20 am – Outside, the Chinese guys outside see the helicopter, even though the helicopter is black, and it’s dark outside. Inside, Cheng GIVES BACK THE COMPONENT to Grandpa, and says they’ll meet at the boat. Why did he do that? Brain damage?

5:21 am – Bill uses the helicopter to sneak up on the Chinese guys, who knew about the helicopter, but STILL weren’t prepared. Jack does a lot of shooting, blows a few things up, and immediately finds Cheng. Cheng says they’re too late, because he’s fresh out of components and Josh. Jack goes off to find them, and Bill takes Cheng for a drag out to the helicopter.

Commercial

5:26 am – Josh won’t go with Grandpa, so he just stops on the way to their boat. Grandpa tells him to stop acting “like a child” (even though he IS a child). Josh tells him to stop acting like a “demented homicidal traitor”. Grandpa decides to enact some tough love and nearly chokes Josh to death, all the while telling him to control his emotions. He must think Josh is half-Vulcan.

5:27 am – Meanwhile, Jack goes around firing at people that still haven’t left the platform. The F-18 pilots are four minutes, 30 seconds away.

5:28 am – Grandpa tries to get the boat ready, and Josh takes a wrench, smacks Grandpa in the head, and grabs his gun! Grandpa tells Josh that Josh won’t shoot, and there he’d be wrong. Josh shoot Grandpa! Jack arrives just in time, and tells Josh, “I’ve been exactly where you are, and I know exactly how you feel”. Josh gives him a look that says, “You shot Grandpa once too??” Josh finally gives up his gun, and Jack tells him to get to the helicopter. Josh runs for it.

5:29 am – Grandpa wants Jack to finish it, and Jack says there’s still a half hour left, so he can’t do that yet. Jack says that Grandpa needs to be held accountable for what’s happened today. Grandpa points out that unless Jack has figured out a way to stop time, there won’t be enough time to carry him anywhere and still make it off the platform before the air strike. Jack tells his father, “You’re getting off easy”, and Grandpa responds he doesn’t need oven cleaner. Jack says, “off easy, not Easy Off”. Jack runs for the helicopter.

5:30 am – Bill is outside of the helicopter for some reason, probably trying to figure out where the tires are on the thing. Nadia tells him they only have ninety seconds to get off the platform before the air strike. Josh arrives, and Bill very brightly lets out a rope ladder.

5:31 am – Noah orders the air strike. Bill circles around to get Jack, just as the missiles fire, and Jack grabs the rope ladder at the last second just as the explosions go off! Yeah! That’s more action than we’ve seen in WEEKS!

5:32 am – Noah confirms with Suvarov that the oil platform is now the burning pile of rubble formerly known as “oil platform”. Suvarov orders the withdrawal of the troops from around the base. Suvarov and Noah make nice.

5:33 am – Jack’s hanging on to the rope ladder, and decides to go for a swim since all this action has made him really smelly. Jack swims to shore, signals Bill that he’s OK. Josh wants to go back for him. Bill tells Josh that Jack isn’t ready to come back yet.

Commercial

5:40 am – Noah goes back to the Oval Office, where he tells Cabinet Guy to have one of the US submarines to follow the Chinese submarine back to China. Lennox wants to get right on this whole Chinese thing, but Noah wisely decides to leave that for another day since there’s only twenty minutes left in the show. Lennox tells Noah that now would be a pretty good time to let Karen off the hook, since she did help get Jack involved, and besides a scandal right now wouldn’t work out very well. Noah agrees, and Lennox hands over the tape recording he made earlier.

5:42 am – At CTU, Morris goes to visit Chloe to let her know that everything is OK, since the Russians aren’t rushing, the Chinese aren’t china-ing, and they finally figured out a cure for Crazy Grandpa Bauer, who blew up. Morris tells Chloe he’s concerned, and after a short discussion about who loves who, Chloe tells Morris she’s pregnant. Morris asks, “With child?” Chloe says, “No, with a keyboard! Of course with a child!” Chloe says, “Let’s not ruin this moment by saying something stupid.” And then immediately says something stupid, “Let’s go back to work”.

5:44 am – Lennox comes in to tell Karen that she’s free to go, and that Bill is being pardoned too. Lennox tells her that she and Bill will be free to get on with their lives, at least until next January when the “24” season starts back up again.

5:46 am – Bill returns to CTU with Cheng in tow. Cheng looks like a V8 exploded all over his face. Josh runs for his mother, and Bill informs Cheng that he won’t be getting dim sum for a long time. Cheng tells Bill, “My people won’t abandon me the way you abandoned Jack Bauer”.

5:47 am – Bill congratulates Nadia on a job well done. Nadia wants to know where Jack went, Bill says “Jack won’t be found if he doesn’t want to be found”. Nadia looks at Bill as if he’s been hanging out in a fortune cookie factory too long. Bill says they have to let him go, and she realizes that he’s right.

5:50 am – Heller is on the phone with someone actually HAPPY that Audrey is still alive. Now THAT is acting, my friends. Anyway, he hangs up and hears something. He picks up the phone, and Jack shows up soaking wet, probably to make Heller feel more comfortable, since he likes diving into water too. Heller asks if Jack is there to kill him, and Jack says, “Depends”. Heller says he has a whole box of those, but that doesn’t answer his question. He tells Jack that he won’t let him see Audrey. You’d think Jack would be happy about that, but he goes nuts and pulls a gun. Turns out that Jack has father issues, but with Heller.

5:53 am – Jack is really mad that Heller told him he was cursed, because people like Heller ordered him on the various missions he’d been on, and never… not once, did they send a Christmas card or anything like that. Even when Jack had his “vacation” in China, not a birthday card, or a tactical extraction, or anything!

5:55 am – Jack says he wants his life back, and he wants Audrey back. He just wants to disappear, and if anyone goes after them both, he’ll kill them. Then, in the understatement of the whole season, Jack says, “I’m pretty good at that too”. Granted, not as much as last season, but still, you have to admire a guy that would get out of being held prisoner by biting someone’s neck, even though they hadn’t washed in a week. Heller says Jack won’t change, and he doesn’t want Audrey to pay the price the way Jack’s wife did. Jack says he wants to see Audrey.

5:57 am – They go into Audrey’s room, where she’s sleeping. He holds her hand, and tells her that he’s at a crossroads, and that he has to let her go. Audrey does some of her best acting ever, and doesn’t move a muscle. He tells her he loves her, and kisses her on the forehead without even wiping off his lips afterwards.

5:59 am – Jack gets up and leaves Heller’s house. He goes out to the terrace looks out on the ocean.

6:00 am – Time’s up!

Thanks to Dave Barry for allowing me to post these on his blog every Monday, thanks to everyone who actually read through the “24” summaries I wrote this season, thanks to my friend John who read through these week after week before I posted them, and extra thanks to my wife and kids who let me commandeer the TV every week to do this!

Summary of “24”: Episode 23 – 4 am to 5 am

Previously on “24” – We found out: You should never ask Jack for a choker necklace; It is much more dramatic to walk through sewer water than walk on cement right next to it; If you ever corner a Chinese diplomat on a cat walk, he’ll disappear into thin air if you turn your back on him; Jack’s dad was really trying to make a good impression on the Chinese for his visa application, but that fell through; Whenever anyone new arrives at CTU to “take over”, they act like jerks; If there’s one way to fool Jack Bauer, it’s to distract him with a phone call.

The following summary takes place between 4 am and 5 am:

4:00 am – A helicopter playing weird angel voices flies over the ocean, really freaking Josh out. Mike tells Josh that they’re going to hand him over to Grampa Bauer, but it’s OK because they have a tracking device and nothing bad happened to the last guy that happened to.

4:02 am – A CTU tactical guy places Jack “in custody”, which is likely to be a very temporary situation, since Jack always figures a way out. Jack calls Chloe who informs him that CTU has ordered him placed “in custody” while they figure out this whole Grandpa Bauer thing. Jack asks to speak to Karen.

4:04 am – At the White House, it has been a full day, and no one except Lisa has changed clothes, so it’s beginning to smell like day 39 on Survivor around there. Noah is on the phone with President Suvarov, because the big television screen special effect has been sent to another show. Noah tells him that he’s authorized an exchange for the component. During President Suvarov’s little speech, Karen gets the call from Jack. Jack points out that Grandpa Bauer has been lying this whole time, yet everyone at the White House believes he’ll go through with the plan, because they’re SURE that little thing with the nuclear weapons a few hours and plots ago was just a mistake. Jack tells her to stop it, and the music track for the show slows down, much like the plot.

4:07 am – Karen tells Lennox about Jack’s call, and points out that Jack has been right a lot more than anyone else. Lennox does the old CYA, and tells Karen that she can do what she wants, and if that’s letting Jack loose to finally stop this season from continuing, he’s fine with that.

4:08 am – The FBI is getting ready for a garage sale over at Bill’s apartment when he gets a phone call from Karen. She tells him about Grampa Bauer, and that CTU has Jack in custody, because someone wants this season to never end. Karen tells Bill to do whatever he can to stop the exchange of Josh for the circuit board.

4:11 am – The helicopter with Josh and Mike lands, and Mike tells Josh that whatever happens, don’t let anyone cut off his arm because they’ll never find him. Mike goes out to stalk a Port-o-Potty, and the coast is clear. He goes back to get Josh, but instead of taking him to the Port-o-Potty, he goes to a picnic table and calls CTU.

4:12 am – Surprise! Grandpa Bauer figured out a way to get into the impenetrable CTU computer network! Who would have thought? He wants the satellite uplink to point to something more interesting, so CTU turns it off. Grandpa is afraid of helicopters, so Mike orders that to go too. Mike tells Josh to act like this is a completely normal kidnapping, looks down at his cell phone, and is relieved that he had the cell on mute. Grandpa tells Josh that he wants to make him into a successful homicidal maniac, unlike his father who was an unsuccessful homicidal maniac.

Commercial

4:19 am – It is the worst BBQ ever at the picnic table. Mike’s still a rookie at this, so he asks Nadia for permission to shoot someone after they get the circuit board back. We all know Jack would never do something so fundamentally stupid as “asking for permission”. Nadia, of course, says “no”.

4:20 am – Phone call from Karen to Nadia. Karen wants to fill a little time during the show that could be used for some shooting, and just asks Nadia about how everything is going with the operation. Even Nadia thinks Karen should wait until some exciting plot development happens, but understands about Karen filling time. Karen wants to watch what’s happening with Jack, so she gets the security code from Nadia. The access code is ACN. No wonder CTU has such poor security – they use three letter codes!

4:21 am – Chloe tells Nadia that Marilyn has a security problem in a unsecured room in a very insecure portion of CTU, so Nadia leaves.

4:22 am – Marilyn argues with a security guard, who isn’t being paid enough to talk back, and wants to know where Josh is. Marilyn is freaking out, because Josh got to ride a helicopter and she didn’t. Nadia calls Morris, who she tells to call security, so they can come and take Marilyn away. That’s despite having a phone to call security herself, or better yet just having security right there in the room with her call, er, security.

4:23 am – Chloe isn’t very happy about the exchange they’re making with Josh, because she thinks that circuit board is a lot more interesting than Josh has been so far. Morris agrees, but says they’re under orders. Chloe and Morris argue a while, rehashing the plot so far. Nadia overhears this, and tells Chloe that if the signal in Josh’s arm goes down even a little, to call her. Nadia also says if it goes down a lot, like if someone cuts off his hand, Chloe should call her even more quickly.

4:24 am – Back at the picnic table, there’s finally a helicopter coming and it looks suspiciously like something they’re used previously in the show, so Mike calls Morris. Morris says it’s probably just a helicopter that’s being returned before the end of the show. He also tells Mike that he thinks that Mike is doing the absolutely right thing, and Mike tells him that if he wanted his opinion, he would have asked Morris to make him pass out in a choke hold like Jack did.

4:25 am – Jack and his CTU handlers are driving down the completely deserted streets of LA, when a driver from South Florida nearly runs them off the road honking their horn, because the CTU truck had the gall to actually be in their own lane. The CTU truck drives off the road, the driver stops, and it is Bill! I had no idea Bill learned to drive in South Florida. The driver of the CTU truck gets out and recognizes Bill, while back in the truck, Jack takes the opportunity to take away the other CTU guy’s gun. Bill walks down the hill with his hands in touchdown position. While Bill makes small talk with the driver, Jack takes the opportunity to hit someone! Finally! Someone gets hit, and it’s only about half an hour into the show. Jack gets out of the truck and knocks the driver out too. Jack and Bill run off to Bill’s pickup truck, and they drive off. Bill is very excited to be out on a CTU mission with Jack.

Commercial

4:31 am – Back at CTU, Chloe goes over and hugs Milo’s brother Stewart, who has just arrived. Stewart looks pretty upset that Milo isn’t leaving the building in the same condition he arrived in.

4:32 am – Karen’s laptop is on the fritz, so she calls Bill to say goodbye just before the RIAA comes to arrest her for those music downloads she did.

4:33 am – Nadia introduces herself to Stewart to let him know that she’s really sorry about Milo. Stewart points out that Milo was in love with her, and Nadia has a look on her face like “NOW they tell me”. Nadia leaves the room to take a phone call.

4:35 am – It’s Chloe. Chloe tells Nadia that their crack field agents are handcuffed to a car, and they’re still looking around for the candid camera. When Nadia returns to the room, Stewart is gone! Or he’s hiding in a locker. We can’t tell which.

4:36 am – Josh pleads with Mike to not let him go with Crazy Grandpa Bauer. Josh just doesn’t like watching the “Murder She Wrote” channel as much as Grandpa does, and he’s scared. Mike promises to find Josh, and that he’ll only have to watch a little “Murder She Wrote”, probably just long enough for the police on that show to realize that Angela Landsbury is always around when people are being killed.

4:37 am – Nadia calls Mike, and tells him that Jack is on the way with Bill. Mike is pretty upset because he really wants to be the New Jack. Josh is excited that Jack Classic is on the way.

Commercial

4:41 am – Noah goes to visit Karen, who is in detention. Noah explains the plot that just happens a few minutes ago. Noah wants to know what the heck she was thinking, and she starts to explain that her agent said it was going to be a good job. Noah tells Karen that’s not what she meant, but that Karen and Bill are in HUGE trouble about this whole Jack thing. Noah then goes on to say that if Jack doesn’t prevent this from happening, “Any blood that spills will be on you!” Karen says, “Yuck! I just got this dress”, and then realizes what Noah really meant.

4:43 am – Mike gets a call from Crazy Grandpa, who tells them to walk to the water. Chloe tracks Josh, since he still has his arm on, but she looks pretty tired. Even Morris notices.

4:44 am – A couple of guys in a boat drive up to shore. Mike and one of the guys point their guns at each other in a very menacing way, and argue about who should move first. Finally the guy from the boat drops a silver case on the ground, and Mike forgets the old “Silver Case That Explodes” trick. While Mike is rolling around on the ground, the boat guy grabs Josh. Just as they start to leave, Jack and Bill arrive. There’s a brief exchange of gunfire, which completely misses Jack because he hides behind a thin post.

4:45 am – On the boat, the boat guy calls Grandpa, who orders Josh to be scanned. Boat Guy says that Josh doesn’t have any UPC codes visible, but scans him anyway. They find the tag, and fortunately for Josh, they use a laser to short out the tracker in his arm. Gredenko probably would have loved to know about that little trick.

4:46 am – Chloe immediately sees that the tracker has been lost because instead of the little blip going away, her whole screen goes blank. Jack calls Nadia, and tells her about the explosion that hit Mike in the face. Mike looks like he won’t be recognizable at the Silver Spoons reunion show.

Commercial

4:53 am – Lennox comes in to let Noah know that nothing was found during the last commercial break. Noah points out that Karen was right and he was wrong. Noah finally realizes that Wayne had been right this whole time, and that sitting in the President’s chair is a lot harder than he thought. Lennox points out that making Karen a scapegoat wouldn’t be a good idea, because everyone will let the press know that Noah is pretty much a nutcase.

4:55 am – The medics have arrived to help Mike. Jack tells Nadia that Mike might be blind in one or both eyes, so he’s going to require a special CTU seeing-eye dog to go out on missions. Nadia tells Jack that she’s sorry that no one believed him, and you can just tell that Jack wants to tell her that no one EVER believes him. Chloe breaks in and tells Jack that’ll be next to be impossible to find that little boat, and Jack realizes it’s probably an oil rig their headed too. Jack’s pretty excited about this because he knows that oil is highly flammable.

4:56 am – At the oil platform, Cheng and Crazy Grandpa wait for Josh to arrive. Grandpa and Cheng argue a bit about whose fault all this is, and Cheng leaves. Grandpa makes a weird face while looking out over the ocean, almost as if he’s picking up signals from Jack. I can’t even explain that one.

4:59 am – Meanwhile, back at CTU, Chloe either needs her contact lens prescription filled or Morris is messing with the focus on her computer monitor. She gets up to talk to Morris, and she passes out!

5:00 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON 24: IS COMING UP NEXT!

Summary of “24”: Episode 22 – 3 am to 4 am

Last time on “24” – We found out that: Bill picked the best time to resign from CTU; Cheng can’t afford to buy shirts with sleeves for his commandos; CTU is impenetrable, except for the wire grates that give easy access from the sewers; Marilyn couldn’t deploy her CTU defense couch in time to block the Chinese terrorists; Milo can’t do that bullet catching trick as well as he used to; CTU air vents double as child storage devices; Grampa Bauer plans on kidnapping Josh Bauer to turn him into a Graeme replacement, as soon as he can shave his head, find a Bluetooth headset, and wire glasses.

The following summary occurred between 3 am and 4 am:

3:00 am – Morris puts a black drape over Milo, who looks good in that color. The commandos take Josh away to the tunnel they created for easier access to CTU, and all the adults freak out. Marilyn goes crazy, because Josh still has her car keys. Nadia finally decides to do something, but smashing her face into someone’s gun doesn’t work. Jack gets punched for no apparent reason, but convinces Head Commando that he can keep Marilyn quiet. Head Commando says that they’re going move everyone to a secure room, which is an obvious lie because we already know that no room in CTU is secure.

3:03 am – The Chinese commandos with Josh give him a crash course in what it will be like to be in college and explore all the sewers underground, but he seems unimpressed.

3:04 am – Head Commando wants everyone split into two groups. The first group has people that aren’t on camera and have no lines, the second group has Marilyn, Morris, Jack, Nadia, and Chloe. Jack and Nadia make a quick plan, which Jack considers a long shot. This means that Jack has a 95 percent chance of succeeding. Chloe wants to know what’s going on, but since she doesn’t have her taser, Jack tells her to keep going. Everyone at CTU springs into action and starts beating up commandos. Jack, of course takes out the Head Commando. We find out he really earned that name “Head Commando” because Jack twists his head to kill him. Just as Nadia is about to be killed, Mike shows up and shoots the guy on Nadia.

3:06 am – Jack quickly explains to Mike that the Chinese guys must really be into kidnapping Bauers, but he doesn’t have an explanation why yet. Jack says he needs a tactical setup and a JackPhone – but Nadia points out that he’s still under arrest…. Everyone laughs at this, and Jack gets going. Chloe tells Nadia that what they did was brave, and seems a little bit upset that she didn’t get to kick anyone’s butt.

3:07 am – Jack, Mike and a bunch of CTU tactical guys are headed after Josh through the sewers, getting completely wet because they all forgot their CTU rubber pants.

Commercial

3:13 am – Jack and company continue to walk through the water instead of walking on the cement right next to the water, because it’s much more dramatic that way. Meanwhile, Josh and his new found Chinese friends pop up out of a new hole and Josh is convinced that they’ve arrived in China after seeing Cheng there. Cheng hands Josh a phone. It’s Grampa Bauer. Grampa Bauer explains that he’s really sorry about the whole “dramatic kidnapping” thing, and promises him a fun anti-patriotic renouncement of citizenship and a trip to China. Josh doesn’t want any part of this. Josh and all the Chinese jump into black cars and start to leave.

3:14 am – Jack still isn’t done with his Chinese take-out, and pops up through the hole in the floor just in time to shoot at the cars. One car is crippled by shooting out a side-view mirror, which confuses the driver causing the car to crash. By now Mike and more CTU agents are out and shooting. This is more shooting in one scene than we’ve seen for most of the whole season! Jack uses his bullet dodging powers and slides on the floor to shoot a couple more bad guys as he runs after Cheng and Josh, who, like Elvis, have left the building.

3:16 am – Jack continues to run after Cheng and Josh, taking out bad guys while on the run, and still finds time to tell everyone where he is and what he’s up to. Cheng throws open a door on the roof and invites Josh to go ahead of him. Josh finally gets the guts to ask “WWUJD?” (What Would Uncle Jack Do?), turns and kicks Cheng down the stairs! Cheng makes the very bad strategic move to get caught on a catwalk with two rails. He’s not going anywhere…. Until Josh accidentally slips from his hiding place underneath that catwalk. Jack looks at him for a moment, just long enough for Cheng to do his best Lo Pan impersonation and disappear! Jack grabs Josh and pulls him to safety. Jack phones Mike, and Mike promises to set up a Curtis memorial perimeter around the building.

3:19 am – Jack questions Josh about Cheng. Josh says that Cheng did this unspeakable act, and made him talk to Grampa Bauer. Josh correctly diagnoses Grampa as just a little bit crazy. Jack suddenly realizes that this attempted kidnapping is exactly the same sort of thing that Grampa Bauer used to make Jack and Graeme do as kids, only instead of Chinese, he used squirrels. Mike arrives, and Jack tells him that he’s going to go find Grampa Bauer and ask about this very elaborate trick he just pulled.

Commercial

3:25 am – At the White House, Karen goes to see Noah. Karen says that the Russians have moved two mechanized divisions into the central Asian theatre. Noah thinks he can counter this by moving two Transformer divisions into Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, but Karen says that won’t work. The troops are double high, super duper, extra red level alert. Karen says that she hasn’t seen Tom Lennox weaseling around the White House in the last thirty minutes, so she’s getting really suspicious that something might going on. Noah confirms that Lennox is out shooting a new public service announcement YouTube video with Lisa as the main star. He adds that Lisa hasn’t been paying attention to who she dates from the Internet, since she’s dating someone from Russia, which should have been the first tip off. Noah explains the whole situation to Karen, and then apologizes for keeping her out of the loop, because he knows she doesn’t look good in loops. Noah confesses that he’s been dating Lisa, only in a secret pact known only to them, and their entourage of Secret Service agents. Noah’s a little upset none of those Secret Service guys didn’t say anything about Lisa sneaking around, but he’ll deal with that later. That and the whole Russian War thing that’s about to happen.

3:28 am – Lennox is getting the typical YouTube video quality that he expected, still directing the video from a remote van. Lisa and Evil Mark finish interrogating each other, and Lisa goes into another room. Evil Mark goes into the room with Lisa’s purse and hooks her PDA up to his secret device. He looks at it for about thirty seconds right in front of Lisa’s Camera Purse. Mark suddenly realizes he’s on Federal Candid Camera, and puts the PDA away! He must have heard the two way microphone in that purse. Mark goes to get some wine for Lisa, hands it to her and then accuses her of not being as evil as she usually is. Lisa corrects that mistake by smashing a bottle over his head! They fight until Mark pins Lisa to the floor using his hand and her neck. Lennox and the Secret Service break into the room just in time to save Lisa and arrest Mark for being a bad Russian monkey.

3:33 am – Lennox goes to talk to Mark, and lays out the situation to Mark: He’s supposed to upload the information about the e-mails, the chip being destroyed, and the secret plot to have Paris Hilton arrested.

3:34 am – Cheng calls Grampa Bauer to let him know that Jack has Josh. Grampa Bauer tells Cheng that since he lost Josh, the Chinese won’t get the circuit board back. Cheng promises severe consequences if Grampa doesn’t return the circuit board: no English translations to any Chinese menus, quadruple starch in his underwear sent to Chinese laundries, and the possible return of Audrey’s speech. Even that last one doesn’t scare Grampa, and he tells Cheng that there will be severe consequences too, namely: No more MSG shipments to China, no more free black Hummers to drive in, and a possible return in next season’s “24”. They both get really mad at each other and hang up.

Commercial

3:39 am – Chloe is still trying to get her techs to get the bullets out of the computers when Nadia gets a visit from “Ben” from Division. Nadia says that she hadn’t gotten the memo, doesn’t think that Ben should talk to anyone, and that she thinks “multiplication” is better than “division”. Ben says he doesn’t really care what Nadia thinks, “so nah, nah, nah”. He tries to blame the security protocols that the Chinese used to break into CTU, the very same CTU protocols they’ve been using since the late 1950s, are all Nadia’s fault.

3:41 am – Ben says he really wants to start a progress impeding investigation right away, and Nadia points him at Bill’s favorite old conference room. Morris tells Nadia that she’s not at fault for any of this, but Nadia won’t listen. She’s still very upset about what happened to Yau-man, and if she hadn’t been distracted by that, none of this wouldn’t have happened.

3:43 am – Tom Lennox calls Noah to let him know that they were able to send the Russians the fake messages. Tom suggests calling the Russian President with this information, and that sending flowers probably wouldn’t hurt either. Tom says that he does have some bad news: Lisa was hurt during the operation. Noah asks what in the world was she doing being operated on, but then realizes Tom meant the whole “pass the Russian’s fake information thing”, and gets nostalgic for the 1980s. Tom snaps him out of that and tells him that the lack of oxygen to Lisa’s brain might make her turn out like Audrey. Noah isn’t happy about the implications of having two people like Audrey on the show.

3:44 am – Karen says they really have to call Suvarov and get that candy gram to him as soon as possible.

3:45 am – Mike tells Jack that Cheng got away, there’s no circuit board to be found and that kneeling in front of a hole in the floor isn’t going to make it go away. Jack calls Marilyn and tells her about the Chinese plans that Grampa has. Marilyn asks to speak with Josh. Josh says that his Uncle Jack kicks butt, and Marilyn says she knows that, plus he has a great show too.

3:46 am – Back at the White House, the Cisco-branded tele-presence stations, which look like a bunch of widescreen televisions, are all set to go and ready for Noah to start lying. Noah starts lying, and since it’s his first day on the job as acting President, he does a very bad job of it, because Suvarov sees right through the lie that Noah is telling him. He tells Noah that he had Boris and Natasha watching Evil Mike’s building, so he knows exactly what’s going on. Noah says that he doesn’t like to be threatened, and Suvarov tells him that’s too darn bad. Suvarov says he’ll advance his troops within two hours, or by the end of the show, whichever come first, and hangs up. Noah tells Karen that they’re about to go to war over a piece of circuitry, and Karen just about points out Noah was about to go to war over some bigger pieces of circuitry a little while ago when it looked like he could scare them, but decides not to.

Commercial

3:54 am – Lennox is back at the White House, and he gets a phone call as he’s walking to Noah’s briefing with the military. Noah is in the Oval Office telling everyone what everyone at home already knows: The slick plan to make the Russians think that everything is OK wasn’t as slick as they had hoped. Tom interrupts and says that he needs Noah and Karen alone. Noah says he’s flattered, but then realizes that Tom doesn’t mean that and tells the generals in the room to leave.

3:55 am – Tom says that Grampa Bauer is on the phone, and wants to speak with Noah. Grampa says that all he wants to have are Josh, free passage to a country of his choice, and to get off of this stupid show. Noah is surprised to hear that Grampa was working with the Chinese, and wants to know if Grampa is bluffing. Grampa reads the serial number off of the circuit board, 3PTL3, gives his demands and hangs up.

3:57 am – Karen asks how Noah can even entertain the idea of giving Grampa what he wants, especially after everything else he was involved with today. Noah points out that they all accepted roles on this show, so it’s everyone’s fault for not stopping this ridiculous plot. Karen says that’s not what she meant, and says she meant the bombs. Besides, Grampa is a sociopath! Noah asks Tom’s advice, and Tom agrees that Grampa is a sociopath, but he thinks that entertainment is the only option.

3:58 am – Noah says, “None of this makes any sense”, and millions of people at home nod their heads up and down. Karen and Tom don’t realize what he really means, and point out that Suvarov might be having problems of his own, such as the military pressing for more action, more generals that want to blow things up, and possibly, quite possibly, a Russian version of the plot from this season of “24”. Noah says there’s no choice, they have to get this show to end as soon as possible and asks to talk to CTU.

3:59 am – Jack takes Josh to a car and tells him that everything is going to be OK, which is a clear sign that everything is about NOT to be OK. Someone tells Jack that he has a call for Jack. Jack goes to take the phone call, and Mike grabs Josh and drags him into a helicopter! Mike is taking Josh! Jack yells a lot, but his voice isn’t enough to bring down the helicopter. The helicopter takes off!

4:00 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: BILL IS BACK! PLANES! HELICOPTERS! CHLOE LOOKS HURT! CHENG DOWN! EXPLOSIONS! SEASON FINALE! TWO HOUR BLOGGING SESSION! NO MORE “24” SUMMARIES UNTIL NEXT JANUARY!