Tag: 24

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 19

The following takes place between 1 pm and 2 pm

1:00 pm – Fenster says, “Jack? Jack!” and slams down the telephone. He looks at the computer monitor above the doorway. The monitor shows Jack, Morris, Chloe and Bill standing on scaffolding next to the tip of a rocket.

1:01 pm – Bill lets out a yell when he realizes he’s standing high up in the air and grabs on to the scaffolding. A moment later, shots are fired. Jack looks down and sees that one level below them, a man in a black astronaut suit is trying to break into the rocket. Below that, on the ground, more men dressed in black are trying to do something with the rocket. One of them is firing a gun at them.

Everyone scrambles to avoid being shot, including Bill who scrambles with the precision of someone attempting to scramble while still holding on for dear life.

1:04 pm – Jack searches his pockets for something he can use, and realizes he still has on Batman’s utility belt. He pulls out a grappling hook with a line attached to it. He lets some of the line out and attaches the hook to a pole above him. He yells, “I sure hope this works!” and swings out and away from the rocket in a wide arc.

He swings around and back towards the man in the black astronaut suit. The man turns just in time to see Jack’s feet hit him in the face, and proceeds to learn the law of gravity the hard way as the pavement below breaks his fall, and him.

1:06 pm – Chloe and Morris run down to this level just in time to see Jack’s momentum carry him past where he wanted to gracefully land. He continues to ungracefully fall further down the rocket, still holding on to the line. The line suddenly pulls tight as Jack uses up all of the slack. He heads right back towards the scaffold. He hits one of the scaffold poles, lets go of the line and starts to slide down the pole. He has the presence of mind to try and stop himself. Unfortunately, gravity has other ideas and keeps pulling him towards the ground. He grabs onto one of the floor grates as he passes, and pulls himself onto the floor. One of the terrorists yells, “He’s not dead! Plan 2 is set! Run for it!” Sirens in the distance and jeeps heading towards the rocket cause the men at the base of the rocket to run away. Jack rolls over and sees them running away. He gets up and starts running down the stairs.

1:08 pm – Meanwhile, Morris and Chloe look through a window and see an astronaut inside the compartment the man was trying to break into. Morris yells for Bill to come down from the level above them as he and Chloe both try to open the door to let out the astronaut who’s trapped inside. They knock on the window and give the astronaut the thumbs up, and OK signs, trying to tell him that everything is alright. The astronaut comes to the door and starts to open the hatch as Chloe and Morris hear someone behind them. Morris says, “Bill, help me with this door!”

1:09 pm – Morris turns around and a short blonde woman dressed in a pink belly dancing outfit. He says, “Uh, Chloe? Did you order a belly dancer with a missing belly button?”

Chloe continues to struggle with the door and says, “Morris, quit goofing around!” The woman folds her arms, nods her head, and blinks. Morris disappears!

When he doesn’t respond, Chloe says, “Morris? Morris?” She turns around and sees the woman. The woman is folding her arms again, ready to make Chloe disappear too.

The astronaut yells something, but it’s muffled because his visor is still down. He pulls off his helmet, and yells, “Jeannie! Stop it! They were helping me!”

1:10 pm – Chloe and Jeannie help the astronaut out of the space capsule, and as they do, they hear Jack yelling to them from the ground, “Get out of here! This thing is going to blow!” Jack struggles with something that’s been attached to the rocket.

The astronaut looks down, at what Jack is doing and says, “Jeannie! Get us out of here!” Jeannie folds her arms and blinks again.

Commercial

1:15 pm – They all find themselves in an office. Chloe is disoriented. Jack is attempting to disable thin air. Bill holds on to the edge of a desk with all his might. Morris is nowhere to be seen.

The astronaut says, “Now, I know that was a little disorienting, but let me explain…”

Jack says, “No need to explain, we do that sort of thing all the time.”

The astronaut and Jeannie look at each other, surprised, and then look at Chloe and Jack. The astronaut says, “What? Really? I’m… I’m surprised.. but if you’ve… Oh, never mind. My name is Tony Nelson. You’ve met Jeannie.” He shakes Jack’s hand. Jack introduces everyone.

Jack says, “We’ve been chasing after those terrorists for some time now.”

Tony asks, “How do you know they’re terrorists?”

Bill says, “Well, the whole “shooting, planting explosives and wearing a black space suit was a giveaway to me…”

1:18 pm – In the warehouse, Fenster reads out of a manual titled “Moron’s Guide to Evil Computers” while trying to adjust some knobs on the console he’s standing in front of. He turns several knobs, double checks the manual, and then presses a button. The lights go out.

1:20 pm – Chloe looks around. She says, “Wait a minute! Where’s Morris? What did you do with Morris?” The door to the office starts to open. Jeannie looks panicked. She folds her arms, blinks and disappears.

1:21 pm – A colonel walks into the room, and is surprised to see Tony and everyone else in the room. “Major Nelson! What are you doing here? I thought you were scheduled to go into orbit this morning?”

Major Nelson says, “Dr Bellows! I’m so glad to see you!”

Dr Bellows says, “You are?”

Major Nelson says, “Yes! We have to get the MPs! I was scheduled to be on that flight. I was all suited up and ready to go and someone hit me from behind. I must have been dazed, because the next thing I knew, I was here in my office.”

1:24 pm – A very loud explosion can be heard from somewhere outside. Dr. Bellows yells, “That sounded like a nuclear weapon!”

Jack says, “No, those sound a LOT different.” Major Nelson and Dr. Bellows run to the office window and look out. The rocket that was on the launch pad has exploded!

Commercial

1:29 pm – Fenster has gotten the lights back on in the warehouse, but still hasn’t figured out how to get into the computer, because it is password protected and he can’t find any yellow sticky notes on the monitor that might give him a hint.

He looks up at the TV screen, and sees that Jack is talking to someone from the military and an astronaut. He can’t hear what they’re saying, but moves closer to the screen to have a better look. As he’s watching, he looks over and sees a small display next to the doorway. It has a countdown timer and reads:

31 minutes
Cocoa Beach, FL
Milwaukee, WI
Scranton, PA

Fenster taps on the display, but nothing happens.

1:30 pm – Back in the office, Dr. Bellows continues to talk to Major Nelson. “We need a description of the people that did this. What did this man that hit you look like?”

Major Nelson says, “Well, it all happened so fast, I’m not sure. I was hit from behind…”

1:31 pm -Another man walks into the office. “Dr. Bellows! We’ve been looking all over for you. Tony’s space capsule just exploded on the launch pad! He’s dead! It’s terrible! You have to come with me!”

He looks over at Major Nelson, and says, “Hi, Tony” He looks back at Dr. Bellows and then does a double take, looking back at Major Nelson. ‘TONY!” He runs up and hugs Major Nelson. “Thank God you’re all right! What happened? Who are these people?” He points at Jack, Bill and Chloe.

Major Nelson says, “Um…. You know my cousins, Roger!”

Roger looks at Jack and says, “What a coincidence! My name is ‘Roger’ too!”

Jack says, “I think you misunderstood. My name…”

Roger looks at Chloe. “Your name is Roger too? A woman? That’s pretty unusual. All the people in my family named ‘Roger’ were guys!”

1:33 pm – Dr. Bellows says, “Enough of this!” He turns to Major Nelson. “These are your relatives? I don’t recall seeing their names on the VIP list…”

Major Nelson says, “Well… Yes! They were my guests today for the launch.”

Jack nods in agreement. “Yes! That’s right. We were here as guests of Maj… I mean Tony.”

Roger says, “Cousins? You said all your cousins were in Montan… OUCH!” Major Nelson stamps on Roger’s foot.

Dr. Bellows squints his eyes, “There’s something not right about this. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something that’s not right.” He starts to leave, and stops at the door. He says, “I’m sure the base commanders are going to want to speak to you about this incident, but considering you’ve been hit in the head, I think it would be best for you to go home and get some bed rest. I’ll be checking in with you later.” He leaves.

1:36 pm – Bill finally loosens his grip on the desk and says, “A major explosion happens, you’re involved, and he sends you HOME? Wow, security is pretty lax around here.”

Chloe asks Bill, “What are you talking about? You’ve done the same thing…”

Roger holds his foot and asks Tony, “What did you do that for? That really hurt!”

Tony says, “I had to stop you from talking! Someone tried to break into my capsule, and set a bomb to blow it up! We have to figure this out… and away from here.” He looks up and yells, “Jeannie!”

The blonde woman reappears out of thin air. “Yes, Master?” She looks over to Roger and says, “Oh hello, Major Healey.”

Tony says, “Jeannie, I want you to take us all back home. We have to figure out what’s going on.”

Roger says, “I’m going to have to get back to see Dr. Bellows. I’ll be by later this afternoon.”

1:39 pm – Jeannie blinks. They all disappear, and Roger leaves the room.

Commercial

1:44 pm – At the warehouse, Fenster realizes he forgot something. He grabs a phone and dials the number for CTU. No one answers. He looks down at his watch. “Figures! Those people ALWAYS take long lunches.”

1:45 pm – At Tony’s home, Jeannie serves everyone a drink. Tony asks, “What were you people doing up there anyway? How did you know that was going to happen?”

Jack says, “We didn’t. It’s a long story.”

Chloe takes a sip, looks around the room, and says, “Hey! You never told me what happened to Morris? Where is he?” She looks at Jeannie, “You know… The bald guy that was with me, trying to get Tony out of that capsule… Before it EXPLODED?”

Tony asks Jeannie, “Oh no! Jeannie, what did you do with him?”

Jeannie says, “Sorry, Master!” She blinks and Morris reappears.

1:47 pm – Morris gasps for air, see Jeannie and says, “Stay away from me!” He looks at Chloe, and says, “It was horrible! Horrific images kept flashing before my eyes!”

Chloe asks, “Where were you?”

Morris says, “I was forced to listen to celebrities pretend they understood politics!”

Chloe gasps.

1:48 pm – Jack tells them both to quiet down. He turns to Tony and says, “Why would anyone want to blow up the rocket you were in?”

Tony says, “I have no idea! I don’t have any enemies!” He stands up and walks around the room. “The Soviets have their own space program. I doubt they’d be desperate enough to try and sabotage ours just to make their program look better.” He walks to the front window to look out over his front lawn and laughs, “It’s not like someone is trying to assassinate me!”

These words startle Jack when he realizes the implications of what Tony just said. He jumps up from his chair, yells, “Get down!” and tackles Tony. A gun fires from somewhere outside. A bullet hole is in the window right where Tony was standing. The glass Chloe was holding has been shattered. She yelps and hits the floor. Everyone else decides that’s a good idea too, and also hit the floor.

Tony gasps as he stays low to the floor, “How did you know that was going to happen?”

Jack says, “Um… experience…”

1:50 pm – They hear footsteps upstairs. They hear a dog bark and a man scream. The man stumbles down the stairs, desperately moving his feet as if trying to shake something off of them. He falls down the stairs.

Jack jumps up and grabs the man. The man tries to hit Jack over the head with a bottle, while at the same time trying to shake something off of his leg. Jeannie screams, runs over and grabs the bottle away from the man as Jack wrestles the man into submission. Jack pulls out a rope from his Batman utility belt and ties the man’s hands. The man continues scream and kick his feet.

Jeannie says, “Djinn Djinn! Good boy! Come here!” A dog appears beside Jeannie, and she bends down to pet him. The man stops kicking his feet.

Tony mutters, “I hate that dog…”

Jack pulls the man to his feet, and pushes him against the wall, yelling “What are you doing here? What do you want?” The man doesn’t say anything. Jack looks around, and then says, “Jeannie, bring that dog back over here.”

The man gets a wild look on his face and says, “No! No! Not that! I’ll tell you! I was just sent here to get the bottle, that’s all! I don’t know anything else!”

Jack seems satisfied with this answer, so he punches the guy in the face, knocking him out. He walks over to Jeannie. “What’s so special about that bottle?”

Jeannie says, “Why, it’s my bottle! It’s my home!”

Chloe gives Jeannie a strange look. “Your … home?”

Jeannie says, “Yes! Let me show you!” She sets the bottle down on the table, folds her arm and blinks. She and Chloe both dissolve into two streams of smoke, both of which go into the bottle!

1:52 pm – Chloe and Jeannie rematerialize inside of the bottle. There is a set of circular purple cushions up against the room’s walls. Orange pillows sit on top of the cushions.

Chloe looks around, up, and then at Jeannie. “You live in a bottle.” Jeannie nods. “You’re a real genie?” Jeannie nods. “A genie named Jeannie.”

Jeannie nods again, “I prefer the term ‘Genie-American’”.

Chloe lets out a sigh, sits down, and says, “Well, now I’ve heard everything.”

Jeannie sits down next to Chloe and says, “How long has he been yours?”

Chloe doesn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

Jeannie says, “The blonde one. How long has he been your master?”

Chloe jumps up, “Hey, now! He’s not my master! I’m not a genie! What made you think that?”

Jeannie says, “Well, when you said you went from place to place like that before, I just assumed that…”

Chloe says, “Well, don’t assume anything! I don’t even think YOU should be calling Tony ‘Master’. It’s degrading!

A loud booming voice says, “Chloe?”

She looks up, and sees an eyeball staring back at her. She tells Jeannie, “OK, that’s it! Get me out of here!”

1:55 pm – Jeannie blinks and they both dissolve into smoke again. The smoke goes shooting out of the bottle, and Chloe and Jeannie rematerialize in the room.

Chloe tells Jeannie, “Don’t EVER do that again.” She looks at Jeannie’s costume, and says “Stand up for yourself! Put on some real clothes and find a belly button, would you?”

Morris smirks and says, “You should have kept her in there. She’d be easier to handle.”

Chloe gives him a dirty look.

1:56 pm – Jack says, “I’m confused. Why would they want to steal an old bottle like that? And want Tony dead?”

Everyone thinks about this for a moment. Jeannie speaks up, very quietly, “I think I might know.” She looks very scared.

Tony puts his arm around her. “What is it? What’s the matter?”

Jeannie says, “If a genie’s master dies, then the person who holds the bottle controls the genie.”

Bill snaps his fingers, “That’s it! They must have wanted to kill you, and take Jeannie so they could use her magic!”

Tony says, “Well, what can we do to stop that from happening?”

1:58 pm – Jack says, “Keep that bottle in a very safe place. Without it, they won’t be able to control Jeannie. I’ll be willing to bet that once NASA does an analysis of the launch pad site, and they see the bullet hole here, they’ll put extra security on you too. Besides, now that you know someone is after you, I doubt they’ll try anything else, especially with Jeannie here to protect you.” He looks over at Morris, who’s over near the man that’s been tied up. Morris is trying to shake something off of his feet. Jack says, “And I think that dog will help protect things around here too.”

Tony asks, “What do we do with that guy?” He points at the tied-up man.

1:59 pm – There’s a bright flash.

At the warehouse, Fenster continues to wait on hold for CTU, but no one answers the phone. He says to himself, “Lunch has to be over by now… Where could they be?”

Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing in a driveway. They hear a loud scream coming from across the street: “ABNER!”

2:00 pm -Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 18

The following takes place between 12 noon and 1 pm.

12:00 noon – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill stand on a sidewalk on a busy street, near a residential neighborhood. There are quite a few vintage cars driving past, and the kids in the cars are celebrating a high school football win. They’re yelling as they drive past. People on the sidewalk are looking nervously at the cars and at Jack and company.

Jack is very frustrated, “I’m beginning to think we’re never going to get these guys. I had him pinned to the ground! I almost had an answer out of him!”

12:01 pm – Bill looks around, and points to the house they’re standing in front of. “Where to next? In there?”

A lady who is walking past at that moment can’t help herself, and tells Bill. “Excuse me, but I don’t think you want to go in there. There’s something wrong with that family. They associate with hoodlums!”

Morris says, “Hoodlums? Who uses the word ‘hoodlums’ anymore?”

Bill says, “I like it. It’s a fun word. Hoodlum. Hoodlum – hoodlum. Hoodlum, hoodlum, hoodlum…”.

Chloe says, “Stop it, Mr. Excitement. Let the lady finish… Go ahead ma’am.”

The lady continues, “I think they’re over protective of their children too… Not that it’s bad to do that in this day and age, but those children been in that high school forever!” She lowers her voice, “and then there’s the matter of the older son that disappeared… No one knows what happened to him!” She shutters.

Jack says, “Um… Ok, ma’am. Thanks!” The lady leaves. Jack whispers, “Let’s go up to the house anyway”, as they watch her turn the corner down the street.

12:05 pm – They walk up to the door and ring the doorbell. A man answers the door and says, “Wow! You people are quick! They told me on the phone it might take a couple of hours! My name is Howard Cunningham, this is my wife Marion, and this is my son Richie.”

Marion says, “Oh, hello! We’re so worried! Richard’s friend is in such trouble! Howard, you tell them!”

Howard says, “Richie got a phone call from Potsie down at Arnold’s. Richie said Fonzie is down there trying to organize people to go get his friend Shirley. He said the she was kidnapped! “

Marion says, “I’m so worried about Richard and Arthur! They’re going to do something rash! I just know it!”

Jack says, “Wait, wait, wait… Let me get this straight, Arthur went to Arnold’s house to help Richie, ‘Potsie’, and ‘Fonzie’ find Shirley? What’s a Potsie and a Fonzie? They sound like hamster names…”

Marion says, “Oh, don’t say that. Arthur wouldn’t like that. ‘Fonzie’ is Arthur Fonzarelli’s nickname. All the kids down at the high school call him that.”

Chloe looks at Richie, “Wait… You’re in high school? You’re kidding right? You must be at least 25 years old!”

Richie ignores this and answer’s Jack’s question, “’Arnold’s’ isn’t’ someone’s house, it’s a drive-in.”

12:08 pm – Jack tells Howard and Marion, “OK, listen: I want you two to stay here. If this is who I think it is, we’ve been after these people for a long time now. Your son will be safe with us. We’re going over to Arnold’s to check on this.”

Bill interrupts, “I have a question. This ‘Arnold’ you’re talking about… This wouldn’t happen to be a pig, would it?”

Commercial

12:13 pm – It’s very crowded at Arnold’s drive-in, and there’s a lot of celebrating about the football game. A young man with black hair talks on the phone. “I’m telling you, I checked! There’s no one here with that name!” He hangs up, and goes into the men’s room.

Richie arrives at Arnold’s with Chloe, Jack, Morris, and Bill. He says, “Fonzie is probably in his office.” He points at the men’s bathroom. Chloe tells them that she’s going to go take a look around outside.

Bill says, “An office in a bathroom? Is this ‘Fonzie’ some kind of janitor?”

Everyone in the restaurant stops, and gasps. Richie says, “Don’t let him hear you say that!” He walks to the bathroom door and knocks.

A voice from inside the bathroom says, “Enter-a-mundo!”

12:16 pm – They walk into the bathroom where they see three young men. Richie speaks to one wearing a leather jacket. “Fonzie! Jack, this is Fonzie, Ralph and Potsie. These people are from the FBI! They’re here to help get Shirley back!”

Jack speaks up, “We’re not from the FBI, we’re from CTU. I’m Jack Bauer. We believe that the people holding your friend are people we’ve been after for quite some time. I think we should handle this.”

Fonzie steps forward, “CTU? Never heard of it. Did Officer Kirk put you up to this?”

Jack looks astonished. “Kirk? There’s no way you could know anything about a star ship….”

Fonzie looks at the others young men with him, “You see? It’s just like Kirk to come in here and throw his weight around.” He comes over to Jack, and pokes him in the chest. “You nerds tell Kirk to sit on it! We’ll handle this ourselves, at least until the real FBI shows up.”

Jack says, “Now listen, you…” and pokes Fonzie in HIS chest.

Fonzie’s reaction is immediate; he steps back and says, “Aaaaaye! No one touches The Fonz’s jacket!”

Richie says, “Fonz! He didn’t know! Ralph! Potsie! Tell him!”

Ralph says, “He’s right, nobody touches The Fonz’s jacket. “

Potsie agrees, “Yeah, nobody!”

Richie says, “Fonz, we have to concentrate on finding Shirley.”

Fonzie looks at Jack, and then back at Richie. “You’re right. I’ll let it slide…THIS time. We still have to get that phone call, and then we can go get Shirley. We need to find out if anyone’s seen anything.”

Bill asks Ralph, “So, what’s with ‘Potsie’? What kind of name is that?”

12:20 pm – They walk out into the restaurant area, and a woman with a large L on her sweater runs up to Fonzie, very upset about her friend Shirley. Fonzie tells her, “Laverne, we’ll get Shirley back. Don’t worry.”

The phone outside the bathroom rings, and Potsie answers it. “No! For the hundredth time! You have the wrong number!”

12:22 pm – The noise in the restaurant is very loud as people continue to celebrate the football game victory. Richie says, “How are we going to get them to quiet down?” Fonzie snaps his fingers. Everyone immediately goes quiet, and the only thing playing is the juke box. Fonzie steps up to the jukebox, blows on his fist, and hits it. It turns off.

Fonzie says, “Listen up! This Jack Bauer! He’s here to help me find Shirley Feeney! Tell us if anyone has heard anything about what happened to Shirley.”

No one moves.

12:23 pm – Jack says, “This is very important. We believe that the people who took your friend are dangerous criminals. If you’ve seen anything suspicious, you have to tell us.”

Two greasers walk into the room, one short and one tall. The short one says a very nasally, “Hello!”

Laverne says, “Lenny and Squiggy! Get out of here!”

Lenny says, “Shirley said you would say that.”

Laverne quickly says, “Shirl? Where is she? Is she OK?”

Squiggy says, “She’s fine. She said she wants to meet us at the abandoned…”

Morris says, “Warehouse?”

Lenny says, “No, Mister Smarty-Pants! It’s the abandoned brewery. She said that Fonzie, Laverne, Squiggy and I are the only people that should come. She said that if they see anyone not matching our descriptions, they’re going to hurt her!”

Fonzie says, “We’ll have to get going. I’m getting my bike.” He starts to head out the door, but turns to the juke box.

Jack says, “Allow me.” He walks up to the jukebox, leans over and snarls. It turns back on. They head out to the parking lot.

12:26 pm – Out in the parking lot, Fonzie sees Chloe sitting on his motorcycle. He tells Jack, “Chicks dig my bike.” He walks over to Chloe and says, “I see you like my bike.”

Chloe looks at him, and says, “Yeah! It’s a classic! I wish I had one of these.” Fonzie snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. Chloe stares at him, unimpressed. He snaps them again, and looks at Chloe. She gets an incredulous look on her face and snaps her fingers back at him. Potsie and Ralph run to Chloe’s side. Jack turns to Chloe, and asks her to get off the motorcycle, which she does.

Fonzie gets on this motorcycle, and Ralph and Richie drive everyone to the abandoned brewery in their cars. Jack tells Richie to stop the car about a block away and tells everyone, “This is going to be really dangerous, but I have a plan. Ralph, Richie… You two set up a perimeter. Everyone else into the alley.”

Commercial

12:33 pm – Richie and Ralph wait next to their cars which are parked next to an alley. Fonzie’s voice comes out of the alley, “I’m only letting you borrow that because you’re helping get Shirley back.”

Squiggy says, “Yeah, me too!”

Jack, Morris and Bill all walk out of the alley together. Morris says, “I feel ridiculous.” He’s wearing Squiggy’s clothes and Bill is wearing Lenny’s clothes! Jack is wearing Fonzie’s leather jacket, and his hair is slicked back.

Jack turns back to the alley and says, “Just stay low. We’ll be back in no time.”

12:35 pm – Chloe walks out of another alley, a little further down the street. She’s wearing Laverne’s “L” sweater. She walks up to Jack and says, “I feel like an idiot.”

Squiggy yells from the alley, “Hello! Did someone just call me?”

Chloe walks up to Richie and looks at him carefully. She finally realizes what’s been bothering her. “You’re that kid! From Mayberry!”

Richie looks very startled to hear her say that. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Chloe says, “Sure! You’re that kid! Opus, or something like that!”

12:37 pm – Jack tells everyone to quiet down. They head down the block to the abandoned brewery, which has a large “Abandoned Brewery” sign on it.

Morris says, “Always the same.”

12:38 pm – They enter the brewery, and it’s very dark. The move further into the building, and someone knocks a bottle over. Lights turn on in part of building, and we can clearly see a young woman being held by one of the terrorists up on a walkway. Jack and the others are somewhat visible, but are still in a dark area, so you can see their clothes, but not their faces.

Shirley screams, “Fonzie! Help!”

The man tightens his grasp on her and tells her to shut up. He yells, “Arthur Fonzarelli, did you bring the others?”

Jack hesitates and whispers, “What was his nickname again?”

Bill whispers back, “Fonzie!”

Jack tries to disguise his voice, “Um… Yo!” He coughs, “I mean Aaaaaaye! This is The Fonzie!”

Jack mutters to the others, “Say something!”

Bill changes his voice and says, “Hi there!”

Morris doesn’t even attempt to change is voice, “Greetings.” Chloe punches him in the stomach with her elbow. This time he changes his voice, “Uh …. Hello…. ?”

Chloe says, “Er, Yo, Shirley Feeney!”

Jack quickly tries to cover up these awkward greetings by saying, “The Fonzie is listening.”

12:42 pm – The man squints for a moment, as if trying to process all this, and then says, “One of the four of you is going to be to be contacted by a man named Jack. I want you to make up some excuse to bring him here. Once I get him and bring him to my boss, you can have the girl.”

Jack coughs and says, “Aaaaaye! The Fonzie wants to know, why do you want this Jack Bauer so much?”

The man says, “That’s none of your…. Wait a minute! I didn’t say anything about his last name…”

12:45 pm – Jack realizes his mistake and grabs a nearby beer bottle. He throws it at the man. Shirley ducks in time, and the bottle hits the man in the head. He loses his grip, and falls backwards into an empty beer vat. Shirley makes a run for it out of the building, yelling “Laverne! Let’s get out of here!”

Jack runs up the stairs to the walkway, and looks down. The man has disappeared!

Commercial

12:51 pm – Back at Arnold’s, everyone celebrates because Shirley is safe and sound. Fonzie snaps his fingers, and two girls run to him. He puts both his thumbs up, and walks out with them. Bill looks around and snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. He continues to try and do that.

Chloe, Morris, and Jack sit at a table, drinking milk shakes. Jack pounds the table.

Chloe says, “Jack, I know you’re frustrated.”

Jack says, “I am, but it’s not that…. Ice cream headache!” He holds his forehead. “One lousy beer bottle! That’s all it took to get that guy! I haven’t interrogated or nearly killed anyone in hours now! I’m going to get rusty!” Chloe pats him on the back trying to reassure him.

Morris says, “Every time we get close enough to these terrorists, they slip through our fingers. We’ve never spent more than an hour in any of these places, and,” he looks at his watch, “that hour is about over. What do we do? How are we supposed to get these terrorists?”

12:53 pm – Jack says, “We have to get the jump on them. Trap them somehow. They want to get me out of the way. They didn’t know we were going to be here to screw up their plans, and they’re reacting accordingly.”

Bill agrees, “One of them said earlier that they were going to get rid of you. How did they expect to do that?”

Chloe says, “Well, let’s look at the facts. They’ve been going after various items in all these places. It’s hard to tell if they’ve been successful, because we’ve thwarted some of their plans. It really bothers me that they were going after those nuclear power plant plans.”

Morris says, “I agree, but what were they going to do with that giant robotic squirrel? And that last place we were in… Why did they need those boxes of paper? Surely they could have gotten other boxes?”

Shirley turns around and says, “What? Did someone just call me?”

12:55 pm – The phone rings, and Potsie goes to answer it.

Jack says, “Yes, I believe they could have gotten other boxes, but there’s something about that particular paper they wanted.”

12:56 pm – From across the room, Potsie yells into the phone, “For the last time, you have the wrong number! There’s no one named Chloe here!”

Jack jumps up, “Wait! That phone call was for us!”

He runs to the phone, and Chloe, Bill and Morris follow him, trying to listen in. He says, “This is Jack Bauer! Who is this?”

The voice on the other end of the phone says, “Jack! It’s Fenster! I’ve been trying to reach you for hours!”

Jack says, “When are the reinforcements going to arrive?”

Fensters pauses, “Uh… Reinforcements? I’ve been trying to get this phone working for the last couple of hours. I’ll get in touch with them. Jack, I’ve been able to watch what you’ve been doing on a computer monitor here. It’s like watching TV!”

Jack says, “Fenster, listen carefully you have to…”

12:59 pm – There’s a flash of light.

Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing on a very tall scaffold, next to what looks like the tip of a rocket.

1:00 pm – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 16

The following takes place between 10 am and 11 am

10:00 am – Jack, Bill, Morris and Chloe are standing in a parking lot. They’re still disoriented from the jump. It’s dark out. A nearby sign for Gotham bank shows that the local time is 9 pm.

They hear some screeching tires, and look around. A huge black car with large tail fins roars towards them. The car slams on the brakes, and slides to a halt about two feet away from Chloe. A valet gets out of the car, and says, “Oh! Sorry! I didn’t see you there! The shuttle bus station is two rows over. That will take you up to the party.” He presses a button the keys he’s holding. The car doors lock, and the horn honks as its alarm system arms itself. Chloe mutters something about recharging her taser in case she sees that valet again.

10:02 am – Jack says, “Well, I guess that’s where we’re supposed to go.” They start walking towards the shuttle pickup.

Bill asks, “If that librarian’s idea was right, the terrorists might have been here for hours now. Why haven’t they been waiting for us?”

Morris says, “It’s unlikely they know exactly where we’ll end up. Any chance of them being in the right place to attack us right after we jump is pretty remote. I’m surprised we end up close by at all.”

Chloe says, “I’ve been thinking… We’ve… well, Jack… has been taking out these guys nearly every place we’ve been to so far. You’d think with the number of them that he’s gotten so far, they’d be gone. I think they’re…”

Morris interrupts, “Zombies.”

Chloe says, “’Zombies’? That’s just stupid.”

Morris puts his hand to his check and very sarcastically says, “Hmmm… well let’s see now… We just came from a place where vampires are roaming around freely, and nobody but a bunch of teenagers seem to be aware that the whole town is overrun with them.”

Chloe says, “Yeah… ok, but…”

Morris continues, “…And last year, you told me that you saw Edgar again, apparently risen from the dead as a robot.”

Chloe’s eyes narrow. “You leave Edgar out of this!”

10:04 am – Bill says, “Stop it, you two! We can’t be arguing like this. We have to figure out what we’re doing here. Jack… Jack?” Bill looks around. Jack has stopped and is standing ten feet behind them. He’s using his PDA. Bill repeats, “Jack!”

Jack looks up, “Huh? What? …Hey, I had a thought. I did some quick MTTTS calculations, and realized that the terrorists we’ve been chasing aren’t the same people all the time.”

Bill looks confused, “MTTS?”

Chloe says, “Mean Time To Thigh Shot.” She turns to Jack, “What do you mean, ‘They’re not the same people’?”
Jack says, “I don’t think the people we think we’ve been chasing are the same people each time. I think they might have been in these locations already.”

Morris says, “What makes you say that?”

Jack continues, “Think about it… If these guys always knew we were chasing after them, they wouldn’t be ignoring the fact that we’ve been coming after them. Besides, if they knew we were after them, they wouldn’t be sending small groups of them after us. They’d send everyone they had.”

Chloe says, “What if they’re sending replacements through that doorway we went through? And what about that man with the voice altering device that wears that mask over his face? He’s been in every place we’ve been to…”

Bill says, “Not in that canyon. I don’t remember seeing him in that canyon.”

Jack interrupts, “Wait… If they were still sending replacements, don’t you think they would have been in that warehouse room that we were in? Fenster would never have been able to make that phone call to us. He would have been caught.”

Chloe shrugs, “Look, all I’m saying is, someone’s been tipping them off that we’re around. I still think it’s that guy in the mask.”

10:06 am – The shuttle arrives. The shuttle has a sign that reads, “Museum of Art”. They all get on.

The shuttle takes them to the Gotham Museum of Art. There’s a picture of a man on the building, and underneath the picture are the words, “Our Founder: Art”. Above the doors leading into the museum is a sign that reads, “Wayne Industries Gala”. People get off the shuttle and enter the museum. Some people in expensive cars have opted to drive directly to the museum, and have valets take their cars to the parking lot.

Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill follow the crowd into the museum and up the stairs to the reception area.

Commercial

10:10 am – The museum reception area is quite large, with tables around the outside walls. The tables are full of appetizers, which the caterers and wait staff continuously replenish. Jack tells Chloe, Morris and Bill to keep an eye out for anything unusual as they help themselves to the hors d’oeuvres.

A stage with men in tuxedos and women in long dresses is at one end of the reception area. The stage has a banner over it: “Museum of Art Thanks Bruce Wayne”. Art, the man picture on the front of the museum, walks onto the stage and to the microphone at a podium. He says, “Thank you all for coming tonight. I’d especially like to thank Bruce Wayne of Wayne Industries for organizing this fund raising event, and for making a very generous donation to the museum. I’d like him to say a few words”.

10:12 am – The crowd bursts into applause and Bruce Wayne approaches the podium. He waves at the crowd, and the applause dies down. He starts to speak, but is interrupted by a loud bang from somewhere above. Everyone looks up. There’s a clown with green hair and a white face with a megaphone in his hand, standing on the rafters. Someone gasps, “The Joker!”

The Joker says, “A party? And me without an invitation!” He laughs maniacally. “That’s OK. I’ve been helping with the catering.” Everyone looks at the tables, but the caterers are gone. The clown continues, “Unless you meet my demands, everyone here is going to break out into fits of uncontrollable laugher in six hours.” The crowd gasps.

Chloe says, “Oh, great! That’s just great! I go off my diet long enough to eat some hors d’oeuvres, and now I find out they’re poisoned! Jack, what are we going to do? Jack?” She looks around, but doesn’t see Jack. “Morris! Where’s Jack?”

Morris continues to look up at The Joker, . He says, “I don’t know. Maybe he went to the bathroom to throw up…”

10:14 am – A voice from the stage says, “You’ll never get away with this, Joker!” Everyone looks towards the stage, and a man in spandex tights, a mask and a cape is at the microphone. A young man, with a mask over his eyes, a cape and tights is standing next to him.

The Joker says, “Why if it isn’t the Fatman and side kick the Boy Blunder! You won’t stop us this time! We’ve got reinforcements!”

Morris says, “A clown yelling ransom demands at a man dressed in a mask and tights is definitely one of the weirder things we’ve seen.”

10:15 am – Bill points up and says, “Look! It’s Jack!”

Chloe and Morris look over to see Jack climbing up one of the banners, trying to reach The Joker. The Joker seems completely oblivious to Jack.

Batman asks, “Who have you teamed up with this time? The Penguin?”

The Joker says, “No, I heard he’s in sunny Philadelphia.”

Batman asks, “Mr. Freeze?”

The Joker says, “No, he’s in California. I think he ran for office out there.” The Joker laughs. “No, you can guess all you want, but you’ll never guess who it is.”

10:16 am – The Joker has remained distracted long enough for Jack to reach the top of the banner and to swing himself up onto the rafter. Jack sneaks along the rafter towards the Joker, who finally notices him.

The Joker laughs, “Hoo hoo! Someone who thinks he can outwit me! Come here my boy!” He holds out his hands as if giving up. “I’ll come along peacefully.”

Jack takes another step and slips. He looses his balance and tries to grab onto the rafter as he falls, but can’t hold on. He grabs the banner, and is able to keep himself from falling to the floor. The Joker laughs and says, “Oh! Didn’t I tell you? A bit of banana wax works wonders on rafters to keep them nice and shiny!”

10:18 am – The Joker turns back to Batman and grimaces, “Tell Commissioner Gordon he has six hours to deliver 10 million dollars to me at the Old Street Pier!” The Joker climbs to the center of the dome, which opens up. A rope ladder drops down, which The Joker grabs. He grabs onto it and is lifted through the dome.

Whatever influence everyone has been under while watching the exchange between Batman and The Joker wears off, because now that The Joker has left there’s general pandemonium in the museum. People are saying things like, “What do we do?”, “Batman will save us”, and “Will there be more food?”

10:19 am – The police arrive at the museum, and look up. The Chief of Police tells some of his men, “Get that man down off the banner! I want to talk to him!”

Commercial

10:23 am – Batman is talking with Commissioner Gordon in the commissioner’s office as the Police Chief enters the room with Jack. Chloe, Morris and Bill follow close behind. The Police Chief says, “Batman… Commissioner… Here’s the man that tried to apprehend The Joker.”

Batman says, “Thank you citizen! We appreciate your enthusiasm in trying to apprehend the dastardly doer of these dreadful deeds, but you have to leave these things to the professionals. Here, everyone take these pills, they’re an antidote.” He hands a pill to everyone.

10:24 am – Chloe can’t contain herself any longer. “Professionals? You were just standing there! Hundreds of people poisoned, and you were just standing here.” She steps closer to him, and taps him in the chest with her finger. “You were just standing there, while Jack tried to catch that guy.”

Chloe keeps tapping Batman on the chest and then suddenly stops. She says, “Hey! You’re Bruce Wayne!”

Batman looks shocked, but quickly recovers. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Chloe turns to everyone in the room. “It is! It’s Bruce Wayne!” Jack, Morris and Bill step forward for a closer look.

Commissioner Gordon says, “Bruce Wayne? Batman? Why that’s preposterous! I don’t think I’ve heard anything so ridiculous in all my life!”

10:26 am – The young man with the mask and tights comes into the room. “Batman! I parked the Batmobile downstairs.”

Chloe becomes more insistent. “That’s Bruce Wayne!” Now Robin looks shocked and surprised. She continues, “Look, I’m sure you two like dressing up in tights, running around, and doing what ever you like to do, and not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m telling you, you’re not fooling anyone with those disguises”

Robin says, “Uh, no ma’am! That’s not Bruce Wayne! Whatever gave you that idea?”

10:27 am – Batman says, “Commissioner, I believe we have more pressing matters to discuss. I sent Bruce Wayne the antidote formula, which he promised to have one of his pharmaceutical laboratories manufacture right away. The first shipment should be sent here soon.”

The police chief turns to Chloe and says, “There, you see? Batman couldn’t be Bruce Wayne because they talked together, and Mr. Wayne will be sending us more of the antidote to hand out.”

10:28 am – Chloe is exasperated. “Are you people dense? He’s the same guy! That’s not even a decent disguise!” She thinks for a moment. “Hey! I bet you’ve never even seen the two of them together before.” She looks self-satisfied. “Bet you can’t explain that!”

The chief looks smug, “Well, as a matter of fact, Miss Know-It-All, I have seen them together. A few times. And in this very office!”

Jack says, “Chloe, let’s just drop it. Quit picking a fight with him. From what The Joker was saying, I’m sure the people we’re after are with him.”

Batman blurts out, “I can prove it!”

Chloe says, “OK. Go ahead!”

Commercial

10:34 am – Everyone remains in the commissioner’s office while they wait for Batman and Robin to return with Bruce Wayne. Robin enters the room and announces, “Mr. Bruce Wayne, and Batman!”

Bruce Wayne enters the room, and shakes hands with Commissioner Gordon. A moment later, Batman walks in, but a decidedly taller (and older) Batman. There’s a white mustache peeking out of the cowl “Batman” is wearing.

Bruce says, “I received the information from Batman, and the antidote delivery will be here in the next couple of hours, Commissioner Gordon. I was told there was a Doubting Thomasina here, and she thought that…Ha! I was Batman. As you can see, I’m clearly not.” He points at “Batman”, who waves at everyone.

10:36 am – Chloe flips out. “Are you kidding me? He’s at least a foot taller! Bruce Wayne sounds EXACTLY like Batman! This other guy even has a moustache! How can you people not see that??”

The Police Chief says, “Look, miss… I think it’s time to go now.”

10:37 am – Commissioner Gordon says, “Mr. Bauer, I’d like to thank you for trying to help us, but I think Batman has this well in hand.”

Bruce Wayne says, “I think he was being an exemplary citizen. If we had more people like him doing good, we would have a lot less evil in the world.”

Commission Gordon says, “That sounds like something Batman would say. Well said, Bruce.”

Chloe screams, “ARGH! Come on, you guys! Let’s get out of here!” She storms out of the room. Jack, Bill, and Morris follow her out.

10:38 am – The hallway is completely empty. Jack says, “That hasn’t helped us find out where the terrorists are.”

Chloe says, “Sorry, Jack. I just don’t like it when something obviously stupid is happening.”

Bill says, “How long have you worked at CTU now? I would have thought you’d be immune to stupid by now.”

Bruce Wayne, “Batman” and Robin leave Commissioner Gordon’s office. Chloe doesn’t say anything, and watches as they leave.

They reach the stairs and “Batman” stumbles, says, “Master Bruce!” and collapses. Robin says, “Alfred! Help him, Bruce!”

Chloe hears this and yells, “I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!” She points at Alfred, and turns to Jack, “See? See that! I was right. He has a white mustache too!”

Jack rushes over to see what’s wrong. Bruce says, “I think it’s the heat. Robin, we have to get him out of this costume before anyone sees him. Let’s get him into the Batroom.”

10:40 am – Jack helps carry Alfred into the bathroom, and get him out of the Batman costume. Alfred is wearing a dark suit under the costume. Bruce pulls out a pill from the belt of the costume, and gives it to Alfred, along with some water. Bruce says, “I told him not to wear that suit underneath the costume.”

Robin says, “He was afraid of chaffing.”

Bruce says, “If only he had worn the Batunderwear. I think he’ll be OK, but we’ve got a problem. How do we leave here with the Batmobile, without someone getting suspicious? They saw me enter the building as Bruce Wayne.”

Robin says, “Holy Double Dilemmas! Unless…”

Bruce says, “What, old chum?”

Robin says, “Unless we get Jack here to step in for you…”

Jack realizes what this means. “What? Wait a minute, now! I’ll help you friend, but I’m not getting into that costume.”

Commercial

10:46 am – Bruce Wayne, Alfred, Robin, and Jack dressed as Batman exit police headquarters. Bill, Chloe and Morris follow at a safe distance, giggling. Chloe is carrying Jack’s clothes.

Bruce tells Robin, “You go back to Wayne manor. Get changed, and come back with a car for Alfred and I. We’ll be waiting here.”

Jack tells Bruce, “You just make sure Chloe is here with my clothes when we get back.”

Jack and Robin get into the Batmobile. Robin gives Jack directions back to Wayne manor and they head off.

Jack tries to make some small talk with Robin, and Robin confesses that it’s pretty tough being a crime fighter. “It’s a lot harder to get a date than you’d think. Women make a lot of assumptions about men that wear tights.”

10:48 am – About halfway to Wayne Manor, a bright light shines in the sky. Robin yells, “The Bat Signal!” He presses a button on the dashboard of the Batmobile. A panel slides down, revealing a red telephone hand set that’s blinking. Robin answers the phone. “Yes. Yes, Commissioner. We’ll be there right away.” He hangs up the phone.

Jack says, “I have GOT to get myself one of those signals! I love that!” He gets a far away look on his face. “The Jack Signal!”

Robin says, “Jack! Snap out of it!”

Jack realizes he’s been day dreaming and says, “What did the Commissioner want?”

Robin says, “The Joker was sighted at the Abandoned Warehouse in downtown Gotham City with some people dressed in black. This might be our only chance to catch him! Oh, Bruce isn’t going to like this one bit.”

Jack says, “Where’s the warehouse?”

10:50 am – Robin gives him directions, and Jack slams on the brakes to turn around. The car does a 180 and heads back toward Gotham City.

Jack asks Robin, “You wouldn’t by any chance know how to put up a perimeter, would you?” Robin admits that he doesn’t. Jack says, “Well, it was worth a shot.”

Commercial

10:56 am – Jack and Robin pull up in front of the warehouse. Robin says, “Why are they always in ‘abandoned’ warehouses?”

Jack says, “Hey! We’ve always wondered that too!” They get out of the car. “Let’s go inside.”

As they head towards the building, Jack catches one of his gloves on the utility belt around his waist and stops to free himself. One of the compartments opens. Jack looks down and reaches in. He says, “What is this?”

Robin turns around and says, “Be careful! There are some very advanced weapons in that belt, and you might set one of them off!”

Jack looks at what he’s holding, sniffs it and then pops it in his mouth. “Hey! Gummi Bears!”

Robin says, “Uh…yeah. He likes those too. He calls them Gummi Bats. He adds ‘Bat’ to everything. It’s always ‘Bat’ this and ‘Bat’ that…” He trails off, and then says, “…Well, anyway just be careful with anything else you’ve got on your belt there.”

Jack heads for an entrance to the building, but Robin stops him by asking “Where are you going?”

Jack says, “Uh….Inside? Isn’t that the idea?”

Robin shakes his head. “Batman never goes into the building through the front door. Get the Bat Hook out.” Robin pulls a device off of his belt and holds it up. It fires and shoots a cable to the top of the building. Jack looks around at his belt, finds the same type of device, and shoots it. Robin says, “Come on!”

They climb their way up the building to the roof, and enter the building through a service door. The inside of the building is decorated as a fun house. The carefully walk downstairs. They look around and don’t see anyone. Robin says, “It looks like the coast is…”

Two men drop down from above Jack and Robin, landing on top of them. Music starts from somewhere. Jack turns and punches one of the men. A loud “BIFF!” noise comes out of the speakers. Jack yells over the music, “What the heck was that?”

Robin punches the man that attacked him, and a “POW!” noise comes out of the speakers. Robin yells, “Batman and I have been trying to figure out that for years. Every time we fight people, we hear music and sound effects!”

10:57 am – Over the music and sound effects, they can hear The Joker laughing. Jack looks over and sees the masked man standing next to The Joker. He hears the man’s mechanical voice say, “Shoot him! Shoot him!” The Joker is too busy laughing, and doesn’t do anything. The masked man takes a gun from the Joker’s pocket and takes aim at Jack. Jack ducks out of the way, and looks around for anything he can use as a weapon. He reaches down and pulls out a boomerang. He looks to see if the coast is clear, and sees that the masked man is still holding the gun, but it has a small flag that says, “BANG!” coming out of the barrel. Jack says, “Stop or I’ll throw this boomerang…”

Robin whispers, “Bat-erang!”, as he punches (“ZING!”) the man he’s fighting with.
Jack coughs, “..Uh, I mean, Bat-erang!”

The man drops the gun and runs to an exit. Jack throws the Bat-erang at the man running for the exit, but misses. Fortunately it returns and hits the man Jack is fighting (“ZOWEE!”) in the back of the head. He falls to the floor and Jack runs to the exit to go after the masked man. He comes out of the building, but doesn’t see anyone.

Police cars arrive. The Police Chief and Commissioner Gordon arrive with Chloe, Morris and Bill in the back seat of the car.

10:59 am – There’s a bright flash.

Chloe, Morris, Jack and Bill are standing in an office parking lot. Jack is still wearing the Batman costume.

11:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 14

This episode of “24” is brought to you with limited commercial interruption, because it’s completely made up and we don’t really have any sponsors anyway.

The following takes place between 8 am and 9 am

8:00 am – The team is standing in a hallway, with a telephone booth at the end. Jack’s very upset. “I shot them! I aimed, clicked, and it blew up! They even fell into that canyon, and they lived!”

Chloe tells him, “Sounds like the last time I used Internet Explorer.”

“What it sounds like,” Morris says, ignoring Chloe’s comment, “is whatever it was that allowed you to survive when you fell, it must have worked for them too.”

Bill says, “That is the most logical explanation.”

Jack is still furious, “Who are you, that pointed-eared guy from the space ship we were on a few hours ago, Dr. Spock?”

Bill says, “Mr. Spock?”

Jack says, “Yeah, whatever! ‘Logical’ my….”

Chloe tries to reassure him, “Look, Jack, I know you’re upset. We’re all upset. I think what you said back in the desert was exactly the right thing: We have to just go with whatever is happening.”

Jack mutters, “Embrace the weirdness.”

Chloe says, “Right.”

Jack thinks about this. Morris leans over to Bill and whispers, “I’m going to have a bumper sticker made with that slogan, if we survive this.”

8:05 am – Jack looks up, pulls out his gun, and checks it for ammo. There is none. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m not sure how we’re going to get out of this… But, I think we’re on the right track. I do know that we’re going to have to be more proactive about how we’re going after these terrorists. We’re going to have to use everything at our disposal to get them.”

As he says this, a black-haired man suddenly rises out of the bottom of the telephone booth. Everyone there looks at each other, confused. The man smiles weakly, turns, grabs the phone handset and presses a button on the phone keypad, and sinks back into the phone booth again. It takes Morris another second to snap out of it, and to say, “Did anyone else just see…”

Jack says, “Yeah, I did….” He runs up to the phone booth, and tries to open the door. It’s stuck. He turns his face away, and smashes the glass in the door with his elbow. He reaches in, and opens the door. There’s no sign of the man. Jack asks, “Where did he go?”

Bill volunteers a suggestion, “It looked like he pressed a key on the keypad.”

Jack nods, “Yeah, he did.” Jack picks up the phone, and presses the same number the man pressed. Nothing happens. He says, “Great! Nothing happened. Now what?”

Chloe says, “Close the door, and try it again.”

Jack closes the door, presses the button, and nothing happens. He shrugs.

Chloe sighs and gives him a look as if this is the simplest thing in the world to figure out, “Hang up the phone!”

8:08 am – Jack hangs up, and the floor shifts. The floor in the phone booth slowly starts to descend. After Jack is completely below the floor, a panel slides cross the empty space.

8:09 am – Back at the warehouse, Fenster continues to look around the room, trying to decide what to do while he’s waiting for backup. He briefly looks up at the television over the archway, and sees that a commercial for the telephone company is running. He continues to look around at the computers.

8:10 am – Jack is lowered into a room below the telephone booth. He hears a man’s voice behind him, “Get off that phone booth pad. What are you doing here?”

Jack turns around and takes a step off the pad. It starts to move up towards the ceiling. The man he saw earlier is holding a gun, and repeats, “I asked you: What are you doing here?”

Jack says, “I’m a federal agent. I’m just trying to figure out what’s happening to us. Things have gotten completely out of control.”

The man looks surprised, puts his gun away, and says, “Well of course they’re completely out of CONTROL. CONTROL is down here, not up there! The name is Smart. Maxwell Smart.” He extends a hand.

Jack is bewildered for a moment, “What?” Then extends his hand and shakes Max’s hand. “Jack Bauer. What is this place?”

8:12 am – As he says this, the ceiling opens again, and the phone booth pad lowers. Morris, Chloe and Bill are all huddled onto the phone booth pad, looking around nervously as it goes to the floor.

The man says, “Hey! One person per time on that pad! I tried that once with 99, and we almost broke it! With the amount of weight you have on there now, it’s sure to break!”

Chloe jumps off the pad before it can reach the floor, and starts towards Max. She says, “Are you calling me fat?”

Jack grabs her before she does something Max will regret.

Max looks suspicious, “I thought you said you were in CONTROL?”

Jack continues to hold the struggling Chloe, and says, “I said that things have gotten out of control. …Chloe! Stop it!”

Chloe struggles a bit more, but finally agrees.

Max says, “You mean you’re not in CONTROL? Hoo boy…. The Chief isn’t going to like this. Come on.” He motions for them to follow along down a corridor.

Commercial

8:18 am – They get to a set of wooden doors. Max enters the room, and everyone else follows him in. The room is an office. A man sits behind a desk speaking to a woman when the group enters. The man looks surprised that Max has company.

The man asks, “Max, who are these people? This is a secret federal installation!”

Max looks nervous, and then says, “Chief! I’m surprised! These are the new cleaning people we hired!”

The Chief says, “I don’t believe you.”

Max says, “Would you believe I just accidentally ran into these people upstairs by the phone booth?”

The Chief says, “That I would believe.”

8:20 am – Jack interrupts, “Excuse me, sir. Did you say you this is a federal installation? We’re with the federal government.” Morris waves at the Chief. “Are you in charge here? I need to speak with you about something of national importance.”

The Chief says, “Which agency are you….”

Max leans over to Jack and whispers, “Demand The Cone of Silence.”

Jack looks distracted, “What?”

Max whispers, “I said, ‘Demand The Cone of Silence’!”

The woman says, “Max, for heavens sake! We’re right here! We can hear ever word you’re saying.”

The Chief says, “Max, Agent 99 is right. We all have clearances. I’m sure that whatever he has to say can…”

Max insists, “He needs The Cone of Silence. He’s not going to say another word until he gets The Cone of Silence.”

Morris leans over to Bill and asks, “What’s a ‘Cone of Silence’?”

Bill shrugs, “A close relative of ‘The Rhombus of Serenity’? How should I know? I didn’t take geometry in spy school.”

The Chief sighs, “OK… OK… But I swear this the last time we use it.” He motions to a chair cross from him at his desk. “Sit there.”

8:23 am – Jack sits down. The Chief presses a button, and a double dome of clear plastic lowers from the ceiling. One it’s lowered all the way to the desk, the Chief says, “Which agency are you with?”

Jack asks, “What?”

The Chief talks more loudly, “Which agency are you with?’”

Jack repeats, “WHAT?”

The Chief repeats, “WHICH AGENCY ARE YOU WITH?’” He looks exasperated. “This is stupid…” He presses a button and the dome raises back up.

Max says, “You really need to have that fixed, Chief.”

Chloe says, “You know, the weird thing was, we could all hear you perfectly well out here…”

The Chief says, “Never mind all that…. Now, will you please tell me which agency you’re with?”

Jack says, “We’re with CTU. He writes the letters “CTU” on the chalk board near The Chief’s desk.

Max says, “See Two? What kind of agency is that?”

Jack says, “Not ‘See Two’. C… T… U… Counter Terrorism Unit.”

The Chief asks, “Well, why are you here?”

Jack says, “That’s what we’re trying to find out.”

The Chief sighs, “Why do I always get the agents like this….”

Jack says, “That’s not what I meant. We’re chasing terrorists, and we’re being transported to different places. And times. At least we think we are.”

Morris speaks up, “We’re Embracing the Weird.”

The Chief looks at Morris for a moment, and then says, “I’m sure you are.”

8:26 am – Agent 99 asks, “Wait a minute, did you just say you were chasing terrorists?”

Jack says, “Yes…. Why?”

Agent 99 turns to The Chief and says, “Chief! Those must be the people we were just talking about!”

The Chief thinks about this a moment, and says, “You know, you might be right. Max, we’ve gotten some information from the field.”

Max says, “Chief, wouldn’t have been better to get the information from an agent?”

The Chief says, “That’s what I meant. I want you to take these people to the meat packing plant. You’re to meet Agent 13 there, and he’ll fill you in on what he saw.”

Commercial

8:33 am – It’s about 10 pm at night. A car drives up to the outside of the meat packing plant, and Max, Jack, Bill, Chloe and Morris all get out of the car. Max tells everyone to wait by the car while he makes contact with Agent 13.

He walks over to a garbage can and knocks on it a few times. There’s a loud yell from inside the can, and it starts to move. Max waits while the can moves around a bit, and then starts to try and take the lid off the can. The lid won’t budge at first, but eventually he pries it off. There’s a man inside the can. Max calls everyone over.

Max says, “Agent 13, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Agent 13.”

Bill says, “He’s in a ….”

Agent 13 says, “Garbage can, yeah, I know, I know…”

Max says, “What have you found out?”

Agent 13 says, “Less than half an hour ago, a group of men all dressed in black entered the plant. I think they were talking to Siegfried. They left a short time later.”

Jack says, “Siegfried? Who’s Siegfried?”

Agent 13 looks surprised, “Siegfried. You know…THE Siegfried?”

Jack asks, “The tiger guy?”

Agent 13 doesn’t understand. “Tiger guy? What tiger guy? Max, where did you get this guy? Siegfried, you know… Vice President of Public Relation and Terrorism at KAOS?”

Chloe says, “Chaos? What’s that?”

Agent 13 looks up towards the sky, “I’m here stuck in a garbage can, and new recruits don’t even know what KAOS is. Why do I deserve this?”

Max says, “We’ll take it from here. Thanks, 13.” He starts to put the trash can lid back on.

Agent 13 asks, “Max? Can you do me a favor?”

Max says, “Anything, 13. What do you want?”

Agent 13 says, “Ask The Chief to get me a new assignment soon. Thursday is trash day!”

Max replaces the trash can lid and says, “We’re going to have to sneak in around the back. Come on!”

8:36 am – Max explains that KAOS is an international criminal organization, while the group sneaks around to the back of the meat packing plant. There’s a refrigerated truck parked in the back of the plant. Workers are loading large cuts of meat, which are hanging from the ceiling of the truck. Max, Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill wait for the workers to go back inside for another load of meat, and then sneak towards the back entrance. They’re just about to the door when they hear, “Hands up!”

They look around for the source of this command, and see a side of beef swinging around inside the truck. It turns and they see a man who has attached himself to the side of beef. He’s holding a gun.

Max says, “Siegfried! The Old ‘Hang From a Side of Beef Ambush’ Trick.” He snaps is fingers. “I fall for that every time.”

Siegfried says, “So, they were right! They told us you would be here snooping after them. What luck! We were just here making a recruitment film, and you drop in. Anyway, you’ll never make it to the museum in time.”

Jack asks, “Museum? What museum?”

Siegfried contemplates this for a moment. “Well! I guess it couldn’t hurt to tell you, since you’re all going to die anyway when my workers get back. Keep your hands up and come closer so I can tell you. It’s freezing in here, and I don’t want to hurt my delicate vocal cords.”

8:38 am – They all step forward. Siegfried says, “They’re going after the Amulet of the Drunken Ninja in the museum. It’s on display. I saw it last week when we took a KAOS field trip. We have those about once a month. Brings the….ARGH!”

Jack hits Siegfried in the face, knocking him out. Jack says, “Run for it! Before the workers get back!”

Max says, “We’re going to need some backup! We’re headed back to CONTROL!”

Commercial

8:45 am – Back at CONTROL headquarters, Max finishes explaining what they found out. The Chief looks puzzled. He says, “Why would they want the Amulet of the Drunken Ninja?”

Jack says, “They’ve been collecting items from some… maybe all… of the places we’ve seen so far. This is must be another item they are trying to collect.”

The Chief says, “I think you might be right.”

Max says, “We’re going to need to go in there with lots of firepower.”

The Chief says, “We don’t have the firepower! Everyone went home for the night already. But I can give you this….” He opens his desk and hands Max something that looks like a gun. He continues, “This was just sent up by the boys in the lab. It’s a prototype laser, which should help you get into the museum without setting off any alarms.” He turns to talk to Jack, just as a loud crack and sizzling noise goes off. He turns back, and half his tie is gone. The gun is still smoking in Max’s hand.

Max says, “Sorry about that chief.”

The Chief says, “Max, be careful with that thing. You’re going to need it too. This is going to be the most dangerous mission you’ve ever been on. You’re going to be facing terrorists and brutal killers!”

Max says, “…and loving it!”

8:48 am – Fenster looks idly the television as he continues to rummage through the computer equipment. He looks away, does a double take and then runs over to the screen. Fenster says, “Jack! What’s he doing on TV? Jack! Jack!” He yells, but Jack, of course, doesn’t answer since he’s on the television screen. He runs back to the console, looking for something that might help him communicate with Jack.

Commercial

8:53 am – The group sneaks to the back door of the museum, and uses the laser to carefully cut the door lock while at the same time preventing the alarm from going off. They sneak inside the room which is pitch black. Chloe says, “Someone turn on a light!” The lights go on, and four terrorists surround them! One of them is carrying a golden amulet.

One of the other terrorists holds a gun, and points it at them. “Hands up!”

Max speaks up, “You might as well give up! We have the whole building surrounded by 1000 federal officers who are just waiting for me to yell to them, or they’ll come storming in.”

The terrorist says, “I find that hard to believe.”

Max says, “Ah…Would you believe 100 police officers who are waiting for me to bring them something from the museum cafeteria?”

The terrorist says, “I don’t think so…”

Max says, “Would you believe a couple of hobos with a quarter that I gave them to call someone in case we didn’t come out in time?”

The terrorist says, “Now that, I might believe…. But by then, it’ll be too late.”

8:55 am – CLICK! He tries to fire the gun, but nothing happens. CLICK! CLICK! Nothing happens. He yells, “Will SOMEONE make sure that we have BULLETS?” He throws the gun at Jack’s face. Jack catches it before it hits him. All the terrorists go running off towards some stairs. Max, Jack, Bill, Chloe and Morris run after them.

Jack says, “I think they’re headed for the roof!”

8:56 am – The terrorists burst through the door at the top of the stairs at the top of the roof. One of them calls on a walkie-talkie to the driver of a delivery truck who is waiting down below. The truck has two large mattresses strapped to its roof. The terrorists head for the edge of the roof.

Jack and Max reach the top of the stairs. Jack yells for everyone to stop where they are. The terrorists completely ignore this and start jumping off to the waiting truck. The man holding the golden amulet has his back to the ledge of the building says, as Jack approaches him, “You’ll never catch up with us, Bauer. It’ll be the end for you soon.” Jack takes to steps towards the man just as the man steps backwards off the building.

Chloe, Morris and Bill finally reach the top of the stairs. Bill says, “Where are they? Where did they go?”

Jack says, “They all jumped. They must have had a getaway car.”

Max walks over to the edge of the building and looks down. He says, “I think we’re going to be able to recover that amulet.”

Jack says, “They didn’t have a getaway car?”

Max says, “Oh, they had a getaway car…” He hold his fingers close together, so there is a tiny gap between them. “Missed it by that much.”

Chloe says, “I don’t think that’s the last of them. There were a lot more of them before.

8:57 am – Suddenly a phone rings from somewhere. Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris all look at each other to see who’s cell phone is going off while Max reaches down and removes a shoe.

Max slides a panel off the heal and answers his shoe phone. “Hello?… Who is this? What? Yes… He’s right here.” Max hands the phone to Jack. “It’s for you.”

Jack looks taken aback. He picks up the shoe, puts it up to his ear, and says, “Hello?”

Fenster is on the other end of the phone. “Jack! I’m in the computer room! I found a telephone here that I used to call you. I’m surprised it worked! I’ve been trying to figure out how this thing works!”

Jack says, “We’re chasing after terrorists! I think Cheng is with them! You have to figure out a way to get us out of here!”

Fenster says, “What? No! It can’t be Cheng! He came in voluntarily for questioning about five hours ago. It’s someone else!”

Jack says, “What? How can that be?”

Max interrupts, “Let me have the shoe…”

Jack tells Fenster, “Just a minute, someone wants to talk to you.” He hands Max the shoe. Jack asks, “You needed to talk to him?”

Max closes the phone, “No, my foot was getting cold.”

Jack yells, “Wait! Give me back that shoe….”

8:59 am – There’s a bright flash.

Jack, Morris, Chloe and Bill are standing in front of a high school.

9:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 13

The following takes place between 7 am and 8 am

7:00 am – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill take a moment to survey their surroundings, squinting because of the bright sun and the wind blowing the desert sand around. There’s a canyon to their left and a road to their right. Jack says, “They’re trying to kill me.”

Morris says, “I would have thought that was obvious by now! They’re trying to kill all of us.”

Jack says, “That’s not what I meant. They were trying to kill me before now.”

Bill looks confused, “What do you mean, ‘before now’? That’s like saying, ‘I’m going to go down to the store yesterday.’ It doesn’t make any sense.”

Jack says, “Exactly! That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”

Chloe says, “Jack’s right. If they really have a temporal displacement unit, they could cause all kinds of havoc! I mean, just imagine if they could turn back time to before President Logan was in office!”

They all look at Chloe. After a moment, Bill says, “You say that like it was a bad thing…”

Chloe says, “You know what I mean. If they were able to go back in time, and eliminated Jack, just think of all the problems that would cause! Think of everything Jack has done since then!”

Jack says, “That doesn’t matter now. We have to stop them…” He stops and points, “Hey, What’s that?”

They turn and look. About twenty yards away, they see a mailbox by the side of the road.

Bill says, “A mailbox? What’s a mailbox doing out here? There’s nothing for miles!”

Jack says, “If there’s a mailbox, that means there’s a town nearby. Let’s keep going.” They continue to walk.

Something small zooms by them at high speed. They all turn to look, and don’t see anything but smoke and feathers.

Morris says, “What was THAT?” as a feather floats in front of his face.

7:05 am – Back at CTU, Fenster walks into Nadia’s office. He says, “I have important news. I have cell phone records.”

Nadia says, “Cell phone records? What are they?”

Fenster says, “They’re lists of numbers of people you’ve called when you use a cell phone, but that’s not important now. I used the records of the cell phone company to coordinate where Jack has been in the last twelve hours. The company records the GPS signal that all CTU issue telephones give out, and I was able to find out where Jack is.”

Nadia thinks for a moment and says, “Uh… don’t get me wrong here, but don’t you think that would be a HUGE security hole? I mean, what if a terrorist figured out how to break into the cell phone company’s records? They could track all our agents! We have to have better security than that!”

Fenster says, “That decision was probably made by the same people who hired the security guards back when Edgar and Lynn died, and who designed the building that kept everything secure…except the sewers!”

Nadia says, “Good point. I’ll have to cancel that option in the cell phone contract for all operatives.”

Fenster says, “Yeah, good luck with that…”

Nadia says, “What were you saying about the cell phone’s GPS coordinates?”

7:07 am – Fenster looks down at the papers he’s holding. “I looked up the last coordinates, and they were in the Abandoned Warehouse District.”

Nadia says, “I want you to go down there personally, and check it out.”

Fenster’s voice goes up an octave, “ME? Why ME?”

Nadia says, “We need someone down there right away. I would send Jack, but he’s gone… I’ll send some backup.”

Commercial

7:12 am – The group continues down the road. Chloe says, “So far, the terrorists have been in every place we’ve been. Where are they now? There’s nothing but desert out here.”

Jack puts his hand above his eyes, shading them. He points and says, “They could be in the hills over there.” He points in a different direction, “Or they might be in the caves over there.” He puts his hand back down.

Morris says, “They could be in town. There’s no good way of telling.”

Bill says, “Hey! Quiet a minute! What’s that noise?”

They stop talking. There’s a rumble, but it’s hard to tell where it’s coming from. They look in the direction they came from, and see a man in a fur coat standing beside the mailbox that’s now about a quarter mile behind them. A large delivery truck has pulled up to the mailbox. Jack starts to run back to the mailbox, and the others follow. The driver hands the man a package and drives off back in the direction he came from. The man runs to the edge of the canyon and climbs down over the edge.

7:15 am – Jack reaches the edge of the canyon, and looks down to see a small path leading to a series of caves. The others catch up. Jack says, “They must be using that mailbox as a drop point. I’m surprised they didn’t see us.” He starts to climb down the path.

Chloe says, “Jack! What are you doing?”

Jack continues to climb down, “I’m going to check it out. You stay up here.”

Bill says, “I’m not staying up here where there’s no place to hide. I’m coming with you!” Morris and Chloe agree.

Jack says, “Then follow me, and be quiet.”

7:17 am – Fenster slowly drives through the entrance of the abandoned warehouse, with the security fence (that’s not as secure as it used to be) wide open. Fenster notices a business card in the fence. It says, “Ernie’s Fence Repair. Have an ‘abandoned’ warehouse with a fence that needs mending? Call Ernie! 555-4357”.
Fenster talks into a handheld radio, “This is Agent Zoom. I’ve arrived at the destination.”

Nadia’s voice comes from the radio, “Who?”

Fenster says, “Agent Zoom”

Nadia says, “Argent Dawn? What is this, World of Warcraft?”

Fenster repeats, “Zoom! Agent Zoom! You know, like ‘Zoom, Box 350, Boston, Mass, 02134?’ Zoom!”

Nadia says, “Fenster? Is that you?”

Fenster says, “YES! Just call me Agent Zoom! I’m undercover!”

Nadia says, “You’re not undercover! If you were undercover we’d have people guarding you in case you got into trouble and…oops.”

Fenster looks alarmed, “You mean I don’t have backup?”

Nadia says, “Look, we’re short-handed, you know that….Just tell me what you see and get out of there.”

Commercial

7:26 am – Jack and Bill are all the way at the bottom of the pathway and are standing on a ledge that’s about 30 feet down from the edge of the canyon. Morris is with Chloe also helping her navigate the narrow path. Jack points at a series of caves on his left, motions everyone to go in that direction, and says, “Be careful on this ledge.” He points at the edge of the ledge, “The canyon goes down a lot farther than this, and we don’t want anyone going over the edge here.”

7:27 am – The group reaches the caves and Jack tells the rest of the group to look around the entrances for signs of where the man might have gone. They don’t see anything at first. Jack is just about to enter a cave when Chloe calls him over. “Jack! I think I found some tracks!”

Jack rushes over to her. “Tracks? Where?”

Chloe looks alarmed, “You’re standing on them!” Jack looks down, confused. Where he expected to see footprints, he sees railroad tracks leading to the ledge’s edge into the canyon. They hear the “BEEP! BEEP!” of a car horn from across the canyon. Everyone turns to looks, but can’t see anything but some kind of bird on the other side of the canyon.

7:33 am – Suddenly, a loud roaring noise comes from somewhere inside the cave. The noise gets louder and something comes zooming out of the cave. The man with the fur coat comes zooming out of the cave. He’s wearing roller skates which he’s using on the tracks, and he has a HUGE rocket strapped to his back. Before Jack can react, the man hits Jack, knocking him off balance. The man grabs Jack and they both continue hurdle down the tracks, off the edge, and continue in mid-air above the canyon. They get almost to the other side of the canyon when the rocket loses all power. Jack, the man, and the rocket just hang in mid-air.

Jack laughs and yells, “Hey, why aren’t we falling?” At that exact moment, gravity, which was ignoring them until it realized it was slacking at its regular job, kicks in. Jack screams. He grabs the man by the collar, and realizes the man isn’t wearing a fur coat. In fact, it’s not even a man! It’s a coyote! Now he’s really screaming. Chloe, Bill and Morris all watch helplessly as Jack, the rocket and the coyote fall to the canyon floor below them.

The rocket, which thankfully had gone out, decides at that moment to start up again, speeding their decent to the floor. They hit the ground and there’s a loud explosion. Chloe screams, “JACK!!!” They can’t see anything but smoke rising up from below.

Commercial

7:37 am – Bill watches over the edge as Morris tries to comfort Chloe, who still in tears. He says, “There’s nothing you could have done. It was all too quick.”

Chloe snaps at him. “I shouldn’t have called him over! If I hadn’t have called him over, he wouldn’t have been on those tracks! It’s my fault! He…”

Bill interrupts, “There’s something moving down there!” Morris and Chloe rush to the edge, and look down.

7:38 am – Below them, the smoke starts to clear revealing clear outlines of coyote and Jack Bauer-shaped craters in the canyon floor. One hand comes out of Jack’s crater, followed by the other. Jack pulls himself out of the crater, still somewhat groggy. Suddenly, the coyote pops its head out of its hole, looks around, jumps out, and runs off. Jack looks up and hears Chloe, Morris and Bill all yelling his name. Jack stands up, sways a bit, heads for the cliff and starts climbing. A rope from above drops down next to Jack, and he grabs it. Bill and Morris pull Jack up the cliff.

7:41 am – Jack barely reaches the top of the cliff when Chloe grabs him and gives him a big hug. Then she smacks him in the face, “Don’t you EVER do that again, Jack Bauer!”

Jack says, “OK! OK! It’s not like I planned that!”

Bill asks, “How did you survive that? Was that a coyote that grabbed you?”

Jack admits, “I have no idea how I survived. Yes, I think it was a coyote.” He shakes his head. “This place is crazy.”

Jack looks along the track he was standing on before, and asks, “Did you look in there? What is that?”

Chloe says, “That’s a cave, Jack.”

They hear machine guns firing, and bullets are raining down from somewhere across the canyon.

Bill yells, “Run for it!”

More gunshots go off, and they all run into the cave.

7:44 am – Jack tries to see who’s shooting at them. He says, “Keep down! There are a bunch of men across the canyon from us. See if you can find anything in here we can use!”

As their eyes adjust, they begin to see what’s in the cave. There are many crates all around the place. Bill says, “Look at this label: it says ‘ACME Flame Thrower – Fastest BBQ In The Neighborhood”, and this one says ‘ACME Rocket – Never Be Late For Work!’ and ‘ACME Batman Suit – Guaranteed to almost always fly’”.

Jack says, “Is there anything in there we can use?”

Bill responds, “No, it doesn’t look like it… Wait.” He picks up something on the floor and says, “There’s a small rocket here, and a pair of roller skates…”

Chloe interrupts, “Jack! Get over here and look at this!”

Jack looks at the catalog Chloe is holding. The cover says: ACME Company – Instant Delivery.

Jack says, “What good is a catalog?”

Chloe says, “Didn’t you see the cover? It says ‘Instant Delivery – Just fill out this card, drop it into an ACME mailbox, and we’ll deliver promptly!’ Order something and we’ll have it delivered!”

Jack says, “I think you’re right. We’re going to need to embrace the weirdness if we’re going to get out of here.”

Jack picks up the catalog and starts leafing through it. “One thousand pound anvil… No… Shoe springs… No… Ah! Here we go! Someone give me a pen!”

Morris says, “How are you going to get past the men? They’ll kill you as soon as they see you!”

Jack says, “You leave that to me! We better hope these are the least observant terrorists ever, or this is never going to work.”

Commercial

7:51 am – Fenster moves carefully through the warehouse, he finally comes across the room that Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris were in before they disappeared. The computers are still running, and the archway which the group went through is covered with mist. The television above the archway appears to be showing a western. Fenster calls Nadia, “I think I found something…You better get some people down here right away.”

7:52 am – The men with the machine guns wait outside for some sign of movement from the cave. Suddenly, they hear a loud noise and a large object come barreling out of the cave. It’s one of the cartons, mounted on roller skates with a rocket attached to the top. The men all focus their firepower on the large object as it rapidly heads for the edge of the canyon and off into the air.

While this is happening, Jack scrambles out of the cave and quickly climbs up the pathway to the top edge of the canyon. He runs to the mailbox at the edge of the road, throws the card into the mailbox, and waits. He looks around and sees a large cloud of smoke on the horizon. It’s a delivery truck!

7:54 am – The delivery truck stops in front of the mailbox. The driver hands Jack a large package and drives off. Jack opens up the package and says, “This will do nicely!”

7:56 am – Chloe looks out from the cave and says, “Well, those guys sure killed that empty box. I hope what Jack is trying is going to work.”

7:57 am – The terrorists look down at the crate at the bottom of the canyon and decide that the box is definitely not going to be going anywhere. They start shooting at the entrance of the cave again. Someone starts yelling from the other side of the canyon. They look up. It’s Jack, and he’s holding an ACME Missile Launcher!

7:58 am – Jack fires a missile from the launcher straight at the men. There’s a loud explosion, and the men fall down into the canyon. Jack moves to the edge of the canyon. He looks down, and sees that the men are already getting up and running for cover. Jack says, “What kind of looney tunes place is this?”

7:59 am – There’s a bright flash. Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris are standing in a hallway in front of a phone booth.

8:00 am – Time’s up!

Last Time: Jack sent hundreds of AOL reps after the Marwan brothers after pointing out that they were about to drop their subscriptions to AOL. Jack and Curtis discovered a sinister plot by the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company to lobby Congress to pass a law to require low-low-low-flow toilets to be used throughout the country. In an attempt to raise money, both the Marwan brothers and ex-President Manilow and his followers attempt to rob an armored car, and the Marwan brothers are able to pull it off. Jack and Curtis are chasing the Marwan brothers down on Los Angeles’ many unused highways. Jack has just shot Marwan in the arm, just as he threw a stick of dynamite onto Jack’s car.

The following occurred between 11 pm and 12 pm, but no later, because it’s a school night and you have curfew.

11:00 pm – Curtis tries turning the wheel back and forth, but it does nothing but make the dynamite slide around on the windshield and then get stuck on the windshield wipers. After switching on the wipers and pressing the wiper fluid button a few times, Jack finally yells for Curtis to stop doing that.

11:01 pm – Jack tells Curtis to stop the SUV so they can get rid of the dynamite. Curtis tells Jack if they do that, they’re going to lose the Marwans. Jack points out that if they don’t get the dynamite off the SUV, then it’ll be much harder to follow the Marwans if they and the car are in a bazillion little pieces. Curtis agrees that probably would be the best thing for his complexion, and Curtis slams on the brakes. Just as Curtis slams on the brakes, the fuse of the dynamite burns down to the point where it dislodges, and flies off the hood, and lands in front of the car. Jack and Curtis ponder this for a half second, and then they both stamp on the accelerator of the SUV, driving over the top of, and past, the dynamite.

11:02 pm – Jack and Curtis both look revealed, but realize two things: 1) The Marwan brothers have gotten away, and 2) that stick of dynamite must have the slowest fuse ever made in the history of dynamite. Curtis suggests that the dynamite was a dud.

11:03 pm – The dynamite explodes, hurling the SUV back end over front end and through the air. The SUV miraculously lands on all four wheels after the flip. Curtis asks Jack to drive for a while, because he’d like to pass out.

11:04 pm – Julian notices that Marwan’s arm has been shot, mainly because there a large hole where the bullet went. Strangely, there’s no blood. Marwan’s examines this, and realizes that not only is there not any blood, but that he can make strange whistle noises if he blows into the bullet hole.

11:06 pm – After a few miles Julian asks Marwan to quit making those whistle noises with his arm, because Marwan keeps getting the melody to “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain – With A Big Terrorist Gun to Shoot Jack Bauer” wrong. And besides that, the whistle noises are getting annoying. Marwan suggests that if Julian gets shot in the arm too, they’ll be able to play “Dueling Bad Guys” on their arms. Julian doesn’t seem to like this idea.

11:09 – Julian pulls out a piece of paper, and tells Marwan that they have to get off the road at the next exit. Marwan tells him that he should have gone when they had a chance back at the warehouses. Julian tells him that’s not what he meant; they have to stop to get something.

Commercial

11:14 pm – Jack and Curtis continue to drive down the freeway, looking for the Marwan brothers. Jack and Curtis a series of flashing roadside signs, one after the other
– If you’re looking
– Up and down
– Maybe it’s time
– You turn around

Curtis tells Jack he hasn’t seen signs like that in a long time, and wonders what the advertisement means. They pass another two signs:
– They got off at the last exit!
– Chloe

Curtis drives the SUV to the next exit, and leaves the expressway.

11:17 pm – Chloe leaves her workstation at CTU, watching expressway video of the car Curtis and Jack are driving, mumbling under her breath about having to spell out everything. She then realizes she probably should have just called them on the phone.

11: 18 pm – Upstairs at CTU, Madam Haig is standing in a conference room in front of a large white board with many papers taped to it. Chloe bursts in to ask what the decision is. Haig tells Chloe that she’s thinking that Lasagna on Thursday instead of Wednesday is probably the right thing to do, as she switches two of the papers on the white board. Chloe looks at the papers, and they’re all recipes lined up under days of the week.

11:21 pm – Chloe yells at Haig, and asks what the decision is about *Jack and Curtis*. Haig looks baffled for a second, and then says that Jack and Curtis should just continue doing whatever they’re doing. Chloe rolls her eyes, and then excuses herself from the conference room.

11:22 pm – Chloe calls Jack, and tells him that Haig hasn’t decided on how to pursue in the investigation regarding the terrorists and the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company. Jack tells Chloe that it’s really important that the investigation go forward, and that Chloe should work in secret to find out what’s going on, if necessary. Jack tells Chloe they’ll continue to search for Marwan.

11:24 pm – Julian and Marwan’s car is stopped at a red light. Julian is messing around with a Global Positioning Device in the car, trying to find out how to program it to tell them where the store they’re looking for is. The light turns green, and the car horn behind them honks. Julian doesn’t move the car, still engrossed in trying to figure out the device. Marwan says that he’s going to teach this guy in back of them a lesson he’ll never forget.

11:25 pm – The car behind them is still honking as Marwan gets out of the car. The car headlights seem to make him look a lot paler than we’ve seen him before. Marwan lifts his hand up, finger pointing in the air, and opens his mouth to speak. Just as Marwan moves out from in front of the car, the car turns the other direction, and drives around the Marwan’s car.

11:26 pm – Marwan is left standing there with a puzzled expression on his face, apparently never expecting something like this to happen. He gets back into the car with Julian, who just figured out where he wants to go.

Commercial

11:32 pm – Chloe quietly re-enters the conference room where Madam Haig is still rearranging her dinner recipes for the week. Chloe flips the light switch quickly a few times, and Haig turns to stare at the light. Chloe speaks up and says there must be something wrong with it.

11:33 pm – Madam Haig steps on a chair and then onto the conference table in order to reach the light. Just as she reaches for the light, Chloe pulls out her taser and zaps Haig. Haig falls over onto the conference table.

11:34 pm – Chloe hits the button the conference room button which speed dials the CTU infirmary. Chloe tells them that Haig zapped herself on a light fixture and that they need to come and pick her up right away. The person on the other end asks if she wants to order a jumbo dessert with that. Chloe realizes she hit the speed dial for the CTU catering service by mistake, and hangs up.

11:36 pm – The Marwan brothers pull up in front of a huge brightly light store, ThugMart, which is next to a large cemetery. Julian gets out of the car, but Marwan puts his hands up to his face, saying that it’s a little too bright for him, and that he’ll stay in the car.

11:37 pm – Julian enters the store, in time to hear an announcement:

“Attention ThugMart shoppers! Starting a land war in Asia? We at ThugMart have all your anti-diplomatic supplies. Have a need for spies? We have all shapes and sizes to choose from. Don’t go with our competitors, because you don’t know if you’ll end up with a cut-rate double agent! On special now over in the Thugware and home cleaning supplies.”

11:39 pm – Julian walks past a clerk handing out samples of a product with toothpicks sticking out of them. They’re shuriken samples from a company called “Shuriken Japan”. Julian takes a sample and goes to find a clerk.

11:42 pm – Back at CTU, Chloe is directing three orderlies to take Haig down to the CTU infirmary and to have her closely watched. All the orderlies squint their eyes at Haig and stare at her, which makes it a bit hard for them to get her out of the room without bumping Haig’s head. After four tries, they successfully make it out of the room. The trip down the hallway sounds a bit less successful, but eventually the noise fades.

11:44 pm – Chloe takes a quick peek out down the hallway to make sure the coast is clear, and takes down all the recipes on the whiteboard. She starts writing down the current information has on the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company…. Which is the just the name. She runs back down to her workstation to look up as much information as she can about the company.

Commercial
11:49 pm – Julian waits patiently for a sales clerk who’s helping a customer. The customer, who is wearing a black mask, black robes, and a black feather is black hat asks where the villain clothing section of the store is. He says he’s looking to brighten up his wardrobe a bit, but still maintain that whole “sinister creepy” look that’s so popular with the younger villains. The clerk points him to the correct section of the store.

11:50 pm – Julian asks where the “cohorts” section of the store is, and the clerk points him in the right direction. As Julian starts walking to that section of the store, the clerk helpfully points out they’re having a two-for-one special on ruffians.

11:51 pm – Jack and Curtis continue to drive the streets of Los Angeles to see if they can see any sign of the Marwan brothers. They turn down a dark street and see several cars parked outside of the ThugMart store. They spot the car the Marwan brothers were in! Jack says, “You see! This is just the sort of problem I’ve been talking about. Right in the middle of Los Angeles, a place where bad guys can get anything they want!”. Curtis gives Jack a look, and then Jack concedes, “Yes, OK, I realize this is Los Angeles and this shouldn’t surprise me, but come on! We should have at least known about this place!” Curtis agrees.

11:53 pm – Inside ThugMart, there’s another announcement. “I’ve been asked to repeat the previous announcement that we’re completely out of tactical nuclear weapons. We do not expect any shipments for quite some time.”

11:54 pm – Julian now has several people with him at the checkout counter. The check-out clerk asks how long he would like to rent these thugs. Julian tells him that he won’t need them for longer than seven hours. The clerk tries to sell Julian an extended service plan, but thinks better of it when Julian pulls a gun on him.

11:56 pm – Jack and Curtis have approached the car the Marwan brothers were in, but don’t see anyone inside of it. Jack points to the inside of the Thugmart store, and tells Curtis that he sees Julian. Curtis taps Jack on the shoulder. Jack tells Curtis that they have to get to either side of the entrance somehow, so they can gain the element of surprise.

11:58 pm – Curtis taps Jack on the shoulder again, and says they have bigger things to worry about right now. Jack turns and sees what Curtis is talking about. About two dozen people are walking slowly from the cemetery, Marwan himself leading the way. The people behind Marwan are walking pretty slowly, and Marwan’s yelling at them to hurry up.

11:59 pm – Curtis raises his gun. Jack tells him that he doesn’t think it’s going to do any good. Jack says, “They’re zombies!”

12:00 midnight – Boo! Spooky! Um, I mean…. Time’s up!