Last time on “24”: Was a long time ago, and Jack was left in a coma. Kim, Jack’s daughter, agreed to an experimental treatment that MAY (yeah, maybe… suuuuuure, “maybe”…) save Jack’s life. Even in a coma, Jack could kick everyone’s butts. We’re pretty sure he’s up and around, he just doesn’t know that he’s about to be up and kicking butts for the next 24 hours.
So, get ready and set up some perimeters! Jack’s in New York!
The following takes place between 4pm and 5pm, Coordinated Jack Bauer Thigh Shootin’ Time!
4:00 pm – In downtown New York, a sniper attempts to shoot a guy in a red coat that just got out of a cab without paying. They’re really strict about not paying fares in New York. The guy in the red coat goes into an apartment building and into an apartment only to find that an actor friend of his took his role in the new version of Psycho a little too seriously… his friend is dead in the shower. So, he does want anyone would do in that situation. He uses his “phone a friend”, and finds out this guy is dead too! He’s running out of lifelines quickly.
Red coat guy leaves the apartment… only it’s not him! It’s a junky he gave the coat to; the junky clearly hasn’t seen any shows where people get killed for exchanging coats. Meanwhile, the original owner of the coat steals a car, and drives away. He does get shot by the Taxi Cab Company Sniper, but he drives off.
4:04 pm – Up in another apartment, Jack is baby sitting his grand daughter. She’s bored with the generic non-copyrighted cartoon she’s watching, so Jack changes the channel to the news, which is sure to bore that poor little girl out of her mind. Kim calls Jack to check up on him, and to make sure Jack hasn’t shot any bears at the zoo.
4:05 pm – Kim and Stephen talk things over about Jack, and it turns out that Jack been given a clean bill of health and he’s free to inhale toxic gas to save the world whenever the need arises.
4:06 pm – Outside of the UN, a fake news reporter announces that President Hassan and President Taylor are going to make a very important speech about dismantling a nuclear weapons program and that everything is going to just be great.
4:07 pm – Inside, it’s not so great. Taylor, Hassan, Ethan Kanin, and Farhad Hassan (President’s Hassan’s brother) argue about who gets to watch the nuclear weapons program get dismantled, when they shouldn’t have been mantled in the first place. Taylor wants the US to do it, Hassan wants the IAEA to do it, and someone in the back of the negotiating room wants Paula Abdul to do it, since she’s not busy right now anyway. They adjourn the discussion. Taylor tells Ethan to try and get things to work out for Hassan, since he’s a “once in a lifetime leader”, much like the “once in a lifetime leader” from all the previous seasons of 24.
4:09 pm – Jack takes his grand daughter down to the lobby to meet Kim. Jack’s made up his mind, and he wants to move back to Los Angeles with Kim… tonight. Unfortunately for Jack, his plans are going to change. The guy who stole the car is outside waiting for him. He’s a tough guy too… He takes a newspaper with a bunch of glass in it, stuffs it inside his coat (that’s gotta hurt), grabs his gun, and walks in after Jack.
4:17 pm – A press conference is getting set up, and the guy in change makes a vague joke about “choke holds”. Nobody gets the joke. Meanwhile, a woman downstairs has her press security clearance rejected, in a completely non-suspicious scene which I’m sure has nothing to do with the overall plot. Her name is Meredith Reed.
4:18 pm – Farhad comes back with Ethan’s latest proposal, which includes using the IAEA inspectors, but that they have to use an American inspector and a first round draft pick, to be named later. Farhad’s suspicious about this, since they don’t have football players in his fictional country.
4:19 pm – Turns out Meredith’s clearance was revoked by Farhad. After she makes a phone call to Hassan, he agrees to get her press security clearance reinstated. She asks Hassan to tell Farhad, “neener neener”.
4:21 pm – A knock at Jack’s door, and uncharacteristically Jack doesn’t shoot first and ask questions later. Victor, the guy with the newspaper and glass stuffed in his coat, has gone to Jack for help. He tells Jack that Hassan is about to be assassinated. Victor swears this is true. Jack asks for Victor’s gun and threatens him with it. Jack hadn’t threatened anyone for weeks, so he needed the practice.
4:23 pm – CTU has a new place in New York, and it looks suspiciously like CTU in Los Angeles. Freddy Prinze Jr is there, in disguise as “Cole Ortiz”, and he meets Starbuck inside… She’s using the name “Dana Walsh”. They act like they’ve never heard of Scoobie Doo or Battlestar Galactica. They use the word “perimeter” a couple of times, just to prove they really belong in CTU, and it looks like they’re working on getting married.
Dana turns and finds Chloe banging on a keyboard as if she’s trying to get Vista drivers installed. Dana seems to be the “top geek” around CTU, and she helps Chloe out with some facial recognition software. Chloe nearly pops Dana in the face when Dana tells her that she should “ask for help if she needs it”.
Jack calls Chloe and tells her that Hassan is about to be killed. He tells her that the phone mail system for CTU is completely different now, and “Press 1 for if a foreign leader is about to be assassinated” doesn’t work, so he asks her if he can talk to Brian Hastings, the head of CTU New York. Hastings takes the call.
Jack says his “instinct” is that Victor is telling the truth. Hastings doesn’t believe this alone, so it’s pretty clear he hasn’t been watching the last seven seasons of “24”. Hastings arranges a helicopter for Jack and Victor.
4:27 pm – Cole asks Arlo, a high tech stalker who works at CTU using satellites to find women sunbathing on rooftops, to follow him to an emergency briefing.
4:28 pm – Hastings tells Cole to pick up Jack Bauer and the informant. Arlo asks “Who is Jack Bauer”, and nearly gets fired from the show on the spot.
4:29 pm – Jack and Victor leave the building, while a cop finds Victor’s stolen car. The cop radios it in to his dispatcher. While this is going on we see that Horace Goodspeed has dropped his job in the Dharma Initiative, and is now calling himself “Davros”. He’s working with the guys who shot Victor. He also has a weird accent.
4:36 pm – Ethan tells President Taylor that Hassan has excepted the proposals, even the first round draft pick. Turns out that Olivia is in prison now, and her now ex-husband, Henry, was none to pleased about that. A guy named Rob walks in and tells Ethan and Taylor that Jack Bauer has an informant that says there’s a plot to kill Hassan. Taylor says that she thought Jack was out of “all this”. Ethan reminds her that without Jack Bauer, she wouldn’t be playing the fake president on a nationally televised action show. Ethan doesn’t want Hassan to know anything about this situation, because it would make it a lot more exciting for the show… and that Hassan might not sign the agreement. Rob want to tell Hassan and Taylor says she’ll “think about it”.
4:39 pm – Ethan takes some Flintstones chewable vitamins from a medicine bottle while he and Rob try and patch things up.
4:40 pm – Jack calls Kim to say that he’s going to be “a little late”. Kim asks how long, and we all know that answer is about 24 hours.
4:41 pm – Chloe and Hastings argue about the speed at which Chloe is performing her job. Chloe doesn’t look to pleased to be looked upon as if she’s “Janice”, if you know what I mean.
Cole leaves on a helicopter.
4:42 pm – Jack and Victor head down an alley, when all of the sudden, Victor passes out, right into the only clean bit of trash in New York that happens to be right next to a clean mattress. Jack cuts into the mattress to get some clean padding to compress the wound.
Meanwhile, a guy who is clearly brand new to New York, and doesn’t understand the whole “ignore everything weird you see” New York attitude, makes a 911 call on his product-placed Sprint phone.
4:50 pm – A woman in front of a mirror looks suspiciously like Farhad in drag, but it turns out this is Kayla Hassan. Her daughter, Dalia, tells her it’s time to go to the assassination attempt they don’t know about. Hassan tries to hold Kayla’s hand, but she tells him “let’s not pretend”… which doesn’t clear up any of the Farhad is Kayla in drag rumors.
4:52 pm – They get on the elevator, while Farhad gets off to give Meredith her security clearance, thereby shooting the “Farhad-Kayla” rumor in the thigh. Farhad warns her to stay away from Hassan.
4:53 pm – Back in President Taylor’s office. Rob tells her that she REALLY needs to tell Hassan about the plot. Hassan enters, and he thanks Taylor for compromising with the whole IAEA thing.
4:55 pm – Jack completes his emergency mattress stuffing on Victor’s arm, when some generic clueless police officers show up and pull their guns on Jack. It’s still early in the day, so Jack doesn’t disarm them and shoot them. Instead, he tells them they need to go to the precinct to iron things out. Two guys walking down the alley with guns interrupt Jack. The police, who don’t consider this suspicious at all for New York, decide it probably is suspicious after the guys start shooting. Both officers get hit, and Jack uses all the bullets in his pistol. The guys chasing Jack have machine guns, and they STILL can’t hit Jack. Jack phones into Chloe and tells her they’re going to need a pick up at a building much closer than the one they were originally headed for. Jack and Victor head up some stairs.
4:56 pm – Victor won’t tell Jack anything until he gets to CTU so they continue to the roof of the building. Next, Jack does want anyone would do in that situation. He waits for the bad guys to get close enough, and he puts an axe blade into the chest of one, and pushes the other over the edge the railing to his death. Davros is gonna need some new henchmen.
4:57 pm – Cole’s helicopter lands. Cole and other CTU agents get out, and grab Victor. Jack won’t go with them, and Cole has an argument. Jack interrupts him to say, “Duck!”. Cole looks up and says, “Where? I love birds!” as a rocket from a rocket launcher hits the helicopter, rendering it unflyable, even by “24” standards. We see that Davros is the guy with the rocket launcher, and the uncanny ability to be in just the right place at the right time to launch that rocket.
4:58 pm – This explosion, is of great concern to the rest of the people at CTU who somehow have this on camera. Victor isn’t dead! He stays alive just long enough to tell Jack that the bad guys have someone on the inside with Hassan, and then he dies. It’s Meredith. Farhad is gonna be mad!
5:00 pm – Time’s up!
Next time on 24 – happens now!