Season 8 – 24 – 3pm to 4pm

Previously on “24” – JUST HAPPENED! PAY ATTENTION!

3:00 pm – Suvarov makes a heartfelt speech about the peace agreement. Dahlia gives him a look at that makes it seems she’d like to feel his heart personally. Suvarov notices that Dahlia isn’t her normal, chipper self. Mrs. President tells him that they’ve all been awake for more than 23 hours now, and that really wears on a person.

Suvarov realizes this is a lie, questions Mrs. President about this. She tells him all about Meredith. Suvarov says that he thinks Mrs. President must have threatened to pull America Idol off the air before the final show, because Dahlia is still at the negotiating table.

His assistant interrupts to tell him Logan is calling. Suvarov rolls his eyes as if to say “Not THIS guy again!”, but takes the call. Logan insists on talking to him in person in his suite. Suvarov doesn’t like this idea until Logan tells him that someone has either sprung a leak, or taken a leak, and it’s in his delegation. Suvarov adjusts his Depends, and hoping to keep his secret, agrees to see Logan.

Logan talks to Jack, while contemplating how he fell for the old “Never Be A President On 24 And Stand In Front Of A Big Glass Window” trick. Jack tells Logan to sit down.

Chloe wakes up and tries to convince Jack that if CTU comes up, there will likely be a lot of shooting, and she’s really hoping to be on any “24” movies that might come along in the next few years.

Meanwhile, Logan sits at his desk, his arms outstretched, trying to do his best Richard Nixon impression.

Chloe’s phone doesn’t answer. Cole paces back and forth, wondering what to do in a very Billy Rosewood sort of way. Cole finally makes a call to the tactical team, and tells them to go after Jack!

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Season 8 – 24 – 2 pm to 3 pm

Previously on “24”, we saw that: Jack gives good introductions, and could be a successful television spokesman; Jack can make an ex-President wet his pants by just giving him a mean look; Some people think yelling into phones makes the CIA work harder; Chloe has a foundation that releases CTU agents out into the wild; Ex-President Logan has bug around the collar; Someone who was hungry asked Jack for “Russian Take Out”, and he completely misunderstood what they said.

The following takes place between 2:00 pm and 3:00 pm:

2:00 pm – Cole gets a call from Arlo, who tells him that Jack has been making life-size pin cushions. Cole thinks Chloe might be able to help stop Jack’s rampage through the city, but Arlo thinks that they’d have an easier time calming down Godzilla. Arlo also warns Cole that James, Jack’s paranoid friend, probably has an explosive doorbell, so he should be careful.

2:02 pm – James watches television on a series of branded monitors and is alerted by his Paranoia surveillance system that Cole is in the building. Cole shoots the door, because it has been a very naughty door, and bursts into the room. James is already pointing a gun at him. James has had a lot of practice, because he’s been waiting for that door to make the wrong move for years now, and it finally happened.

Cole tells James that he has two choices: “1” Have his cover blown, and have every federal agent from here to Mars altered to his “non-dead” state or “2” Help find Jack. Cole tries to reason with James, but it doesn’t seem to work until Cole suggests that if Jack dies, it’ll be James’ fault. James finally agrees to help Cole. He just has to change into his spy clothes first, before they go out.

2:06 pm – Chloe arrives in the field where the CTU agents have set up shop. One of the agents stops selling t-shirts long enough to ask why Cole, who had been helping Jack, was now free. Chloe resists the urge to taser him, and tells him that Cole designed the UN protocols. Chloe goes on to say she’s seen many protocols in her time, and was very impressed with Cole’s, so he’s going to be helping out. And that the agent questioning this is a moron. She gets a phone call from Cole.

Cole tells her that James told him all about the bug on Logan’s collar, and it recorded that Suvarov is in on the whole plot. Oh and Jack is probably going after him to kill him. Cole is unsure of how an insect with a little recording device could get all that, but at this point she’s just going along with what’s happening.

Cole tells her that the evidence that was recorded was wiped out, but Jack should have a backup copy. Chloe tells Cole to shmoosh the bug, and that she knew Jack would have a backup, because that’s just the kind of guy Jack is: He practices safe computing.

Chloe thinks she can re-route Suvarov’s motorcade to go to the UN so he’ll be safe, because nothing worthwhile ever happens at the UN. They think Suvarov might be in trouble if he gets out into the open there, but there’s very little chance Jack will be able to do anything about it.

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Season 8 – 24 – 1 pm to 2 pm

Previously on “24”, we learned: If someone comes in to take over a job and has an assistant, they are probably up to no good; Jack really hates department store mannequins; If you’re an ex-president, don’t ask to take credit for something if you’re not 100% sure everything is going to plan; Don’t ever swallow a SIM card if you’re near Jack Bauer; If you call terrorists on the phone and get a call back, you better have your voice mail answering message recorded in a disguised voice, because if it’s Jack Bauer calling you back, you’re going to be in big, big trouble.

The following takes place between 1 pm to 2 pm:

1:00 pm – Ex-President Logan puts on a red polka dot tie, which he still had from the days when he performed as a clown. He watches a fake news conference, which is taking place to let the world know that he’s helping out with the mid-east peace process. An assistant comes in to tell him that his car is in the heliport, which would be great if he drove a flying Jetsons’ car, but he doesn’t. She informs him President Suvrarov is arriving in 20 or 30 minutes, and that if he orders Domino’s right now, she’s pretty sure the pizza will be there before the Russian president. She leaves.

President Logan receives a phone call from Jason. Jason informs Logan that Jack has been playing Operation again and Pavel is dead. Jason also tells him that it’s likely that Jack has given information to the press, so the whole story is going to come out.

President Logan is so deep in denial that he can almost read the hieroglyphics at the bottom. He tells Jason that he might be able to solve this Bauer problem with “management”, which as we all know won’t do anything.

Jason informs Logan that Jack appears to have reverted to his “Lost Boys” days, because from the condition they found Pavel in… well, Jack’s out for blood. And not in a sparkly vampire, or stupid, Sunnydale vampire kinda way… he’s out for revenge for what happened today. Logan tells Jason to find Jack, and to keep him posted. Jason tells him he doesn’t think the US mail system will take a man of his size, but he’d be willing to try after they finish off Jack.

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Season 8 – 24 – 12 pm to 1 pm

Previously on “24”, we learned that: Jack will shoot people even before they get done with the reasons Jack won’t shoot them; Never volunteer to make sure Jack doesn’t get in a building – you will be shot… probably multiple times; You should always ask for the non-explosive safety deposit box; If you ask Jack Bauer what you can do to help, and he says “Nothing”, you’re about to be shot.

The following takes place between 12 pm and 1 pm:

12:00 pm – Cole is escorted to Dana’s body by one of the Village people, where he identifies it.

Meanwhile in a cab, Jack plays the copy of Dana’s Funniest Home Videos where he gets to see Dana’s Russian contact, who is about as fun as Renee’s Russian contacts, except with more fingers.

Jack calls his paranoid friend with all the electronic equipment, and tells him he’s coming in “hot”. His friend freaks out until Jack reassures him he’s not about to crash a fighter jet into him. Jack does however want the Russian in the video identified.

12:05 pm – Jason tells everyone at CTU that Dana is dead, and they all resist the urge to start applauding. Jason wants two things: First, they have to find Jack Bauer, who is suspected of killing Dana. Second, everyone has to take some extra time to see if they can figure out what smells like a body hidden behind some wood paneling – the smell is becoming unbearable. Cole is also coming in to CTU, mainly to assist in figuring out where Jack is and to make some faces.

Jason won’t listen to Chloe’s suggestion that perhaps Jack really is on to something with the Russian connection. He completely ignores this because he knows about it already, and doesn’t want anyone at CTU to figure this connection out.
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Season 8 – 24 – 11 am to 12 pm

Previously on “24”, we learned: the budget for exciting helicopter sequences only permitted 40 second of flying time; Mrs. President can look really concerned when she wants to; When Jack does laundry, he sends out entire bodies with it; People not familiar with Chloe hand her perfectly good, secure electronic devices, only to have them backed up and posted to the Internet two seconds after Chloe touches them; Dana wears black napkins on her head when she travels. The interrogation team really doesn’t understand when people ask for a class of water.

The following takes place between 11 am and 12 pm:

11:00 am – At a fake news conference, Dalia talks about a few generic things about peace. She even thanks Mrs. President because she’s been in heroic raid mode, rather in normal raid mode. Mrs. President looks guilty about that.

Ex-President Logan talks with Jacob-Looking-Guy (JLG) about Dana. Dana isn’t telling them anything so far, probably because the last time we saw her she had a towel over her mouth and was having water poured over it. That makes it a bit tough to talk, but they haven’t realized that’s probably the reason.

JLG starts to talk in code to Logan about what to do after Bledsoe is done “interrogating” Dana, just to make sure they’re all on the same page. Logan rifles through his script just to be sure, and he says they are. Logan, however, thinks this means they’re going to take Dana out for an ice cream later, while JLG thinks she’s going to be killed. Boy, they’re going to be so embarrassed!

Logan says, “Not that I have any idea what you’re talking about”, which means the situation is normal.
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Season 8 – 24 – 10 am to 11 am

Previously on “24”, we saw: Ex-President Logan is still a weasel (apologies to any weasels that may be reading this); Dana is Russian for “mole”, since that’s who she was working with all this time; Jack tried to give Dana a “desk slam makeover”; Most people watching the show fell asleep for 50 minutes, yet somehow didn’t miss anything – fortunately they woke up just in time to see Jack take a CTU helicopter, because he’s just plain sick of driving cars.

The following takes place between 10 am and 11 am:

10:00 am – Jack continues his flight over New York city, only narrowly missing getting mugged. A couple of more helicopters show up, and tell Jack they’d like to have Jack’s helicopter back, so Jack lands it on the “Cooper” building. The helicopters continue to circle, providing narration to Jack’s actions as he makes his way down the fire escape and to the ground. The Fake New York Police arrive just in time to lose Jack, who has already made his way into the crowd.

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Season 8 – 24 – 9 am to 10 am

Previously on “24”, we found out that: They choose new temporary directors of CTU by seniority (but we’re still happy Chloe is now in charge); They choose new presidents of fictional countries by marriage; They choose new plot lines by recycling old presidents; The sniper who killed Renee better be choosing his coffin, because Jack is going to be doing some recycling of his own.

The following takes place between 9 am to 10 am:

9:00 am – Jack tries to use his powers of staring to bring Renee back to life, but it isn’t working. A nurse comes in to take Renee’s body away, and I have to say it is the best acting Renee has done all season.

Jack wanders down the hallway and another nurse gives him some new clothes, with less blood on them, to put on. His phone rings. It’s Chloe.

Jack insists on finding the person who killed Renee. Chloe doesn’t know who did it, but does know the Russian mafia is involved. She’s reluctant to give Jack any information since she’s now in charge of CTU. She’s also pretty sure that Jack is completely capable of taking out the entire Russian Mafia with a shoelace and a butter knife, so she declines to tell him where he can get more information.

Jack knows they still have Bazhaev in custody, and he promises not to interfere with the overall CTU investigation. In Jack Talk that translates to: “I’ll only kill him a little bit if he doesn’t give me the information I want.” Chloe, who has known Jack for eons, believes this for some reason, and tells him where Bazhaev is currently being held – he’s in federal court downtown.

9:02 am – Ethan, who had a major heart attack a few hours ago, who was denied treatment by some White House staffers a few less hours ago, and who got out of surgery even fewer hours ago… shows up for work. This guy is the very definition of a workaholic. Mrs. President is shocked to see him.

Mrs. President tells Ethan that she decided to send ex-President Logan over to the Russian embassy to pick up some of those cool nesting dolls, and to negotiate a peace treaty while he was there. Ethan asks how Logan intends to do this, and like everyone else on the show, Mrs. President is completely stumped. She has no idea, and assumed that he was going to try to win them over by offering them a bunch of blue jeans and iPads. Ethan thinks this is pretty suspicious.

9:04 am – President Logan shows up at the Russian embassy outdoor buffet, and orders an espresso from one of the KGB agents. Novakovich tries to explain how sorry he is about Hasan’s death, but Logan isn’t buying it. It could be the huge smile on Novakovich’s face while he says it. He goes on to explain that he doesn’t think Hasan’s wife can do a thing to help the peace process, since there was so much opposition.
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Season 8 – 24 – 8 am to 9 am

Previously on “24”: We saw Lady Gaga drive away with Omar in the back of her car; We witnessed Cole’s attempt to become a Scanner to blow up Dana. It wasn’t working, but he did have the right facial expressions down cold; Dana got an immunity agreement, which is now as endangered as a cupcake in the middle of a kindergarten class; Omar went to great lengths not to be on the show again; Finally, we saw a number of things resolve (kind of), except for that weird smell in the heating ducts at CTU.

The following takes place between 8 am and 9 am:

8:00 am – Mrs. President gets a phone call from Jack, who gives her an apology: He wanted to kill a lot more bad guys, and save more heads of state. Jack has a wire hanging from his ear while he makes this call, but everyone is too scared to tell him about it.

In the hallway, Samir is relaxing on a gurney, with a not so relaxing Jack Bullet in his shoulder. They’re going to transport him for questioning. At least most of them want to do this. Someone no one recognizes as “The New Guy” waits until everyone looks in the other direction and tries to give Samir a Botox injection. He completely misses and sticks the injection in Samir’s neck instead. Realizing his mistake, he makes a quick exit, stage left.

While he’s headed down the stairs, he encounters Renee. She looks at him for a second and seems to recognize him from…somewhere, but she’s not quite sure where. She realizes it must be from those Brooding Seminars she’s been taking, and then she goes upstairs to meet with Jack.

8:02 am – Renee tries to console Jack by telling him the number of bad guys he personally shot, but it doesn’t do any good. Jack talks to Cole and tells him that he and Renee are headed home where there are (usually) a lot less terrorists.

8:03 am – Tim tells Mrs. President that the delegates have arrived, and she goes off to meet them. While this goes on, Novakovich tells Minister Jamat that he sure is sorry that Hasan died. Oh, and that he sure bets Jamat is happy that Hasan died, even though Novakovich is sorry. Jamat realizes he’s talking to a crazy person, and leaves.
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Season 8 – 24 – 7 am to 8 am

Previously on “24”, just happened! Pay attention!

The following takes place between 7 am and 8 am.

7:00 am – At CTU, Dana continues to not be at her desk, and tries to leave. Dana gets stopped by a guard, and doesn’t know about the new security protocol that keeps people in CTU from leaving. The guard is really excited, because he hopes that one day they’ll also have a security protocol for keeping people from entering CTU too. Dana tries to tell him that she has some migraine medicine in her car that she’ll be willing to share with everyone, including everyone in the audience, if she can just go to her car. The guard tells her that he’s really into this whole “security” thing, but he’ll send a guard out for her. Dana decides that since she doesn’t have anything with her to kill them, she’ll take her chances and stay in CTU. She heads back to somewhere, but probably not back to her desk.

7:01 am – Chloe finds the car that left the parking garage, has a picture of the blonde woman, but doesn’t have any idea where she went. Mrs. President calls for Hastings. He tells her that Hasan was not in the vehicle that crashed. She says, “I don’t understand”. Hastings translates this into seven different languages and finally, after speaking English really slowly, Mrs. President gets the idea of what happened and that he’s still alive. Hastings tells her that they’ll keep her apprised. She tell him that’s great because she loves prizes.

7:03 am – Mrs. President explains to the Hasan Ladies that Omar is probably still alive, but in big trouble, so they’re welcome to hang around while they are still looking for him. An aide comes into the room and tells Mrs. President that the Russian foreign minister is here to meet with her, even though it’s 7:00 am in the morning. He apologizes for not being able to figure out all the time differences between Russia and the US. He has decided to do everything on Russian time, which makes it hard to get doctor’s appointments at decent hours that he’s used to. His name is Mr. Novakovich, which is the name that Carl Sagan used for his old PBS show when it ran in the Soviet Union.

She informs him that CTU is working on getting Hasan back. He wants to make it clear to her that if Hasan dies, there will be no agreement. She points out that just because he has a funny, long last name doesn’t mean she’s been baffled into thinking that the Russian’s hope the agreement doesn’t happen. She’s pretty sure that they want all of the Russian version of the Chucky Cheese (Chucka Cheezka) franchises to be under their control. He protests, and she backs off. She says she’s pretty sure that they only want part of the Chucka Cheezka market in Hasan’s fictional country.

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Season 8 – 24 – 6 am to 7 am

Previously on “24”, we learned: Mrs. President has advisers that think they can help by saying “Are you kidding me?”; Jack can get cell phone reception everywhere except in ambush situations; When Hasan hears gunfire, he’s believes he can turn into Jack Bauer; Holding nuclear rods in your bare hands isn’t as scary as it sounds; You should never have a heart attack in front of people who are stealing files from your computer.

The following takes place between 6 am and 7 am:

6:00 am – Ethan is still sleeping off that heart attack. Just to be sure he stays in his room so he can’t contact anyone, Rob locks him in. Rob’s pretty sure Ethan is old enough not to be able to figure out the telephone, fax machine, and computer, so there’s little chance Ethan will be able to contact anyone.

6:01 am – Rob meets with the General, who’s really in high gear since he’s ordering people around that actually listen to him. Rob wants to help Ethan, but The General refuses. Since the General is tall and looks like he’s in charge, Rob relents even though The General is clearly a moron.

The General calls Mrs. President over to give a not quite complete status update. Rob interjects that people are good at those connect-the-dot coloring books, so when they finish up page 10 and realize they’re looking at the a nuclear weapon, they’re going to freak out. They’ll probably color the picture first, but then they will DEFINITELY freak out.

Mrs. President wants to know the casualty figures. The General says that not counting the numbers of viewers they’ve lost this season, there will be about 58,000 less taxpayers in about 10 minutes.
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