24 – Season 8 – 5pm to 6pm

Last time on “24”, we learned that: If you see a glass box with an axe missing, take a couple of steps back; if you’re out of technology, even for less than a year, and even if you’re Chloe, it takes a while to get up to speed; if you hear the name “Jack Bauer” in any sentence, pay attention to what it is, and what he’s saying.

The following takes place between 5 pm and 6 pm, Standard Jack Axe Swinging Time!

5:00 pm – Davros phones someone to let them know that Victor is now an ex-Victor, but they need to speed things up.

5:01 pm – Cole phones CTU and is pretty upset that his helicopter went BOOM, most likely because he hadn’t finished making payments on it yet. Jack asks to talk to Hastings, and lets him know what Victor said about “someone close to Hassan”. Hastings insists that Jack come back to CTU for a debrief, and Jack finally agrees.

5:02 pm – Dana tells Hastings that she might have a lead on the insider, and mumbles some almost convincing technical stuff about how they did it. He tells her to have Chloe work on it too, “if it won’t slow you down”. Luckily for him, Chloe didn’t hear this or she would have tasered him.

5:03 pm – At a presidential press conference with Hassan, they all declare victory, no matter what the question is. While this is going on, Rob gets a phone call from Hastings to warn about what’s going on with Hassan. Rob wants Hastings to “handle it”, without warning Hassan about what’s happening. Rob asks to talk to Taylor privately.

5:04 pm – Hassan gets a phone call from that blonde woman, and she wants to see him soon. He invites her to his “private office”, which isn’t a euphmism, he really has a private office.

5:07 pm – Arlo tells Hastings “I told you so” about the anti-missile system which might have saved the helicopter, which goes over just about as well as you might expect. Hastings starts to smart off to Chloe, and she’s starting to regain the old Chloe style we all loved. They find that Meredith is the one that got into the servers at the UN, which is a pretty good trick since she isn’t even using a smart phone right now.

5:10 pm – Hastings calls into agents at the UN, to let them know that there’s going to be an attempt on Hassan’s life. One of the agents, who is using a standard issue “shirt cuff phone”, asks for who they’re looking for, and Hastings tells him about Meredith. CTU uses some fancy factious facial software (FFF software), finds Meredith, and lets the agents know. They grab Meredith, and other agents grab Hassan, getting him onto an elevator. No “private office” visit today, I guess.

Commercial

5:14 pm – Hastings is giving a staff briefing about what happened. Dana assures Hastings that everything is AOK and nicely wrapped up in a little bow. Chloe, of course, will have none of this and tells Hastings that this is much to nice and neat of a plot twist to not be as fake as Dana’s figure.

The meeting breaks up, and Hastings tells Chloe to debrief Jack.

5:17 pm – Hastings tries to get Cole to not mention the fact that Cole wanted more people out in the field, to be a team player, to be on the same page, and a few other clichés. Hastings is in full CYA mode.

Jack phones Kim to tell her that he’s going to be a bit late, that he’s at CTU, and he’ll meet them at the airport. Kim tells him they’ll go to pick him up at CTU, because it’s on the way, and besides CTU has a great gift shop and she wants a t-shirt.

5:19 pm – Jack meets with Chloe, who tells him of her theory about what happened with Meredith. She thinks that someone used Meredith’s laptop in her apartment to play Missle Tower Defense against the servers at the UN. Chloe even has a picture of Davros getting into a cab! Chloe asks Jack to talk to Hastings, because of Meredith is the wrong person, there’s still someone in the delegation that wants Hassan dead. Jack says that after Kim gets her t-shirt, they’re all flying to LA where things are more normal. Only nuclear weapons going off… none of this exploding helicopters. Chloe seems disappointed.

5:21 pm – The Hassan family is watching the news and have an argument about Meredith. Mrs. Hassan is pretty upset about her, especially when Hassan first mentioned “Meredith”, Mrs. Hassan thought he meant Burgess Meredith.

5:22 pm – Farhad asks Hassan the details about his affair with Meredith. Turns out that Farhad is the inside guy! He’s on the phone with Davros. Davros wants CTU to continue to think that Meredith is working with him.

Commercial

5:28 pm – Dana wants Arlo start decrypting files for her, and stop staring at her. Arlo asks when she’s going to “drop Captain America” and find a real man. She asks if he knows any.

5:29 pm – Dana gets a phone call from some guy standing by the van next to a bridge, which is where most people from out of town stop to call the people they’re harassing. This guy claims that Dana’s real name is “Jenny Scott”. She tells him that the next time he calls her, she’ll call Commander Adama and then he’ll be in real trouble.

5:31 pm – Meredith turns up a CTU under escort to talk to Hastings. Hastings tells her that he knows all about the files on the computer, the assassination plot, the hair color she’s been using, and the last fifty sites she’s been searching on Google. She denies all of this.

Jack overhears this, and as she’s lead away, he tells Hastings he thinks Meredith might be telling the truth. Jack shows him the pictures of Davros. Hastings says he’s pretty sure she’s lying about her hair color, and that’s good enough for him, no matter what evidence Chloe might be coming up with. Hastings won’t listen to Jack. Chloe really needs to make a business card with all the times people weren’t listening to her and Jack, and what happened in those situations.

Chloe tries to convince Jack about the evidence, and he says it’s up to Hastings. As he goes to leave, Chloe tells Jack that she’s always been on Jack’s side, and that now she wants him to be on her side… plus there’s a good chance Jack and shoot some people. Jack declines, and leaves.

5:34 pm – It appears that Kim drove her car backwards into the underground CTU entrance area, because it’s facing the wrong direction. In any event, Kim has been trying Jack’s grand daughter to do police sketches, which she shows to Grandpa Jack. They’re more accurate than an of the leads that Hastings is currently chasing.

Kim tells Jack that she called Chloe, and Chloe told her what’s going on. Kim tells Jack that she really wants Jack to come with them to LA, but she wants Jack to help Chloe. Jack thinks about the whole possibility of shooting bad guys, and finally tells Kim that he’ll be out to LA as soon as he can.

Jack goes back into CTU, and tells Chloe that she should start checking traffic cams, donut stand cams and every pizza parlor cam in New York to see if they can find that suspect.

Commercial

5:42 pm – Hastings goes in to interrogate Meredith in a room that looks like a futuristic bathroom. He asks when she and Hassan first met, and she relates some boring details that don’t have anything to do with anything.

Taylor meets with Hassan and thanks him for continuing the negotiations. He tells her it’s the least he can do, since he did sign a contract to appear this season. She tells Hassan that as soon as they find out what Meredith has been up to, they’ll let him know. She tells him that in the meantime, he needs to stay away from reporters who have security credentials that have been revoked and reinstated, and who deny being part of assassination plots.

5:44 pm – As Jack watches Meredith’s interrogation, Chloe tells him that she can’t find their suspect on any cameras or even on Flickr. Not even a Twitter message. She says that she might be able to find something on the archives, but that would take hacking into Arlo’s workstation. Almost before Jack can finish asking her to break into Arlo’s computer, she does just that. They use some more non-existent software to zoom in on the cab that Davros used to get the id number of the taxi! They must be using Window 3500.

Jack tells her that he’s leaving to track him, but doesn’t feel good about not having a gun. Chloe tells him where the armory is, and that in order to get to in, he has to scan his palm … into a scanner that she just happens to have right next to her, in the empty conference room they’re working in.

5:46 pm – Dana makes a call to someone named Ruth, and says “Kevin Wade” has been calling her, and that he’s out of jail. Dana is worried that Kevin will spill the beans about this whole Battlestar-thing.

Arlo asks Dana where she’s been, and lets her know that someone on the inside hacked into this computer. Neither appears to suspect Chloe, because they still aren’t aware of her leet skillz.

Commercial

5:52 pm – Hastings is still interrogating Meredith. He goes over plot points they’ve already gone over and over.

5:53 pm – Davros rings the door bell at house, and someone named Maggie answers. His accent is mysteriously gone! She calls him “Mike Farmer”. She gives him some coffee while her husband Jim gets ready to come downstairs. Maggie has been watching TV on the exact station that everyone else in the show has been watching. She congratulates Mike on being part of the UN security detail, which she doesn’t realize should actually be called the UN unsecurity detail.

5:55 pm – Dana wants to interrupt Hastings interrogation of Meredith, and he comes out to talk to her. Dana says she has some information about Jack Bauer.

5:56 pm – Jack enters the armory, and he looks like a kid in a candy store. He picks up a lot of weapons. Chloe calls him and gives him information about where the cab dropped of Davros. At that moment, guards enter the armory with weapons drawn and take all of Jack’s weapons. Hastings tells Cole to take Jack to detention.

Jack decides to pull out a trump card, and tells Hastings he’s going to tattle to President Taylor about how Hastings screwed up getting Victor safely to CTU because of the lack of people on the ground. Jack just wants to pursue the lead, and get Chloe to run ops for him. Hastings, still not realizing what mad leet skillz11!11 Chloe has, is fine with this.

5:59 pm – Back at Maggie and Jim’s house, “Mike” wants to trade shifts with Jim, but Jim just can’t do it, since they have to meet with their child’s teacher. “Mike” pulls a gun on Jim, and Jim realizes that “Mike” really, REALLY wanted that shift. Plus he notices that “Mike” has got a weird accent now. Jim puts tape over Maggie’s mouth, and when Jim starts to argue with “Mike”, “Mike” does a thigh shot on Maggie!

6:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: Motorcades! Kevin meets with Dana! Renee is back! Shouting! Shooting! Explosions! SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT!