Season 8 – 24 – 12 pm to 1 pm

Previously on “24”, we learned that: Jack will shoot people even before they get done with the reasons Jack won’t shoot them; Never volunteer to make sure Jack doesn’t get in a building – you will be shot… probably multiple times; You should always ask for the non-explosive safety deposit box; If you ask Jack Bauer what you can do to help, and he says “Nothing”, you’re about to be shot.

The following takes place between 12 pm and 1 pm:

12:00 pm – Cole is escorted to Dana’s body by one of the Village people, where he identifies it.

Meanwhile in a cab, Jack plays the copy of Dana’s Funniest Home Videos where he gets to see Dana’s Russian contact, who is about as fun as Renee’s Russian contacts, except with more fingers.

Jack calls his paranoid friend with all the electronic equipment, and tells him he’s coming in “hot”. His friend freaks out until Jack reassures him he’s not about to crash a fighter jet into him. Jack does however want the Russian in the video identified.

12:05 pm – Jason tells everyone at CTU that Dana is dead, and they all resist the urge to start applauding. Jason wants two things: First, they have to find Jack Bauer, who is suspected of killing Dana. Second, everyone has to take some extra time to see if they can figure out what smells like a body hidden behind some wood paneling – the smell is becoming unbearable. Cole is also coming in to CTU, mainly to assist in figuring out where Jack is and to make some faces.

Jason won’t listen to Chloe’s suggestion that perhaps Jack really is on to something with the Russian connection. He completely ignores this because he knows about it already, and doesn’t want anyone at CTU to figure this connection out.

12:06 pm – Chloe points out to Arlo that Jason is asking all the wrong questions: No one is interested in figuring out what kind of hair gel Ethan was using when he kidnapped Claire; Everyone really wants to know who the heck the Man in Black really is – oh, and why Jack thinks there is Russian involvement. Arlo, for the first time during this season, decides he doesn’t want to be a sneaky weasel and wants to mind his own business. He doesn’t want to help Chloe.

12:07 pm – Jack arrives at his paranoid friend’s apartment. His friend tells him that everyone in New York City is looking for him, including the hot dog vendors and t-shirt concessionaires. With all this going on, his friend wants to know why Jack is out on his own. Jack says that the Russians killed Renee, and he’s going to take a “Renee”-worth of Russian agents out in revenge.

His friend identifies the Russian on the tape as Pavel Tokarev… not THE Pavel Tokarev, of course… well, that would just be silly. This Pavel Tokarev is someone that doesn’t even show up in the embassy database, so it’s uncertain where Pavel is. Jack has a few ideas of his own, and asks for a secure phone – the 32nd secure phone he’s used since he went rogue.

12:09 pm – Meredith is back at work talking to a guy named Gary, who appears to be hitting on her while asking about Hasan. One of Meredith’s co-workers interrupts to tell her that she has a call on “3”. Meredith excuses herself to leave before Gary can realize there is no line “3”, since everyone in the office uses cell phones.

Meredith answers her phone – it’s Jack! Jack wants to give her the super secret Russian video tape at a nearby coffee shop, since that’s one of the few locations where anyone watching would be jittery enough to possibly not notice anything out of the ordinary.

12:10 pm – Cole has upgraded his security escort to much larger men in tan shirts, and enters CTU to meet with Jason. Jason is playing “We Rule” on his iPhone when Cole enters the interrogation room.

Jason tells Cole he’s in double secret probation trouble for helping Jack. He also says that he’s in a position to make all of Cole’s problems go away. Cole asks, “Are you hitting on me?” Jason tells him that’s not what he meant. Jason explains he’s here at CTU at the bidding of The President Of These United States. Cole very slyly says, “Oh, then you’re part of the cover up!”, which throws Jason off a little. Jason tries to make small talk about some travel plans and a new “really cool” CD he just got over the Interwebs. He then tries to convince Cole that since they’re both soldiers, covering things up will be for the good of the country. He just wants to know where Jack is.

Cole tells him that Jack is probably at the craft store putting the evidence he has in a nice display, or is possibly uploading the data to YouTube. Jason tells Cole that “you really don’t want to be playing with me,” which is true, since he is at a very low level in “We Rule”.

Jason’s blonde woman friend, Eden, calls to say that she has an intercept from Jack. Jason tries to threaten Cole again before he leaves, for old times sake, but Cole doesn’t even move.

It turns out that Arlo has picked exactly the wrong time to start doing his job: he’s the one that intercepted Jack’s phone call. Eden tells Jason that Arlo was able to trace the call by searching for the words “Hasan”, “Russian”, and “Kabang Kabang” on Google. Jason walks over to tell Arlo that Eden will take over now, and that Arlo should go do something else. Eden doesn’t look like she can even spell “computer”.

Chloe and Arlo exchange knowing glances: Mainly that Chloe knows Arlo has been an idiot for believing Jason.

Commercial

12:18 pm – Mikhail and Logan have already received the phone intercept that Arlo found, by downloading it from the CTU iTunes podcast feed, and they are listening to it while Jason is on the phone. Jason tells them Jack is going to meet Meredith at a coffee shop. He thinks this would be a great opportunity to shoot all that overpriced coffee and Jack at the same time. Logan praises Jason for being a particularly sleazy weasel. Jason seems very pleased with himself.

Logan tells Mikhail that he intends on stay on top of this personally, and really wants Pavel’s phone number so he can start sending him text messages cheering him on. Mikhail agrees. Meanwhile, at CTU, Jason notices Chloe watching what’s happening through the glass walls in his office. He asks Eden if there’s anything she can do about it. She stares at the walls and they freeze over so no one can see into the room.

What they don’t realize is that they won’t be able to see OUT of the room either. This gives Arlo the perfect opportunity to talk to Chloe. Chloe tries to explain to him that the secret phone call download AND the secret phone calls to phones outside of CTU AND the fact that Eden and Jason are now hiding behind a frosted over glass paneled room is probably a good reason to be suspicious of what’s happening. Chloe is convinced Jason and Eden are in on the conspiracy, and she wants to help Jack. Arlo agrees.

He just doesn’t know what to do, since there is a of extra security around the systems. Chloe decides to use a product-placement mobile hotspot to create a network only she and Arlo will have access to. Arlo breaks into video feed of Cole’s room to give Chloe access to the room, but she’ll only have 90 seconds. Chloe tells him that’s more than enough time, since Cole only has a 60 second attention span.

Chloe asks for Cole’s help, but he decides this is the perfect time to preach about how there are no good guys or bad guys… there is only “Zool”. Chloe ignores this and tells Cole to have a nice day not helping. She turns to leave. Cole stops her and tells her that if she can find Jack’s state-of-the-art weapons supplier, there’s a good chance she’ll find Jack. He suggests the New York Yellow Pages.

12:25 pm – Logan watches TV and hears that Russian President Suvarov will be landing at JFK in the next 30 minutes. His plane will be landing at JFK shortly thereafter. Logan calls Pavel just to see how things are going.

Pavel takes the call from within a very large wall cavity, where he can watch what’s happening in the mall where Jack is going to meet Meredith. Jack isn’t there yet. Pavel wants to know what to do with Meredith. Logan lies and tells Pavel that Meredith really, really hates Russian people, so he should just kill her too. Pavel takes out a mean looking rifle and takes aim at some of the people at the coffee shop. If Jack doesn’t show up soon, he’s going to kill the first person who orders a double half-caf with a half-caf twist at the coffee bar.

Commercial

12:30 pm – Mrs. President is in heavy negotiations with Dahlia over the terms of the peace agreement; they’re hammering out school zone issues. An assistant tells Mrs. President that she has an important message she needs to take care of.

It turns out that it’s not important at all, it’s just ex-President Logan. Logan tells her that Jack has the evidence. She’s surprised by this and starts to freak out a little. Logan reassures her that he has an operation underway to acquire Jack. He doesn’t tell her that his definition of the word “acquire” actually means “kill”.

Logan takes this opportunity to remind Mrs. President that he wants some publicity for helping out with the negotiations. She looks completely disgusted, but agrees.

12:33 pm – No one, including Meredith, notices the large Russian operative at the perfume counter. Everyone in the store seems to be a Russian agent. They look everywhere for Jack, but they don’t see him anywhere. They don’t know that Jack is pretty much invisible to most mall cameras and Russians. They freak out since Jack is pretty good at this covert stuff.

Just as Pavel is about to shoot Jack, Jack’s paranoid friend puts a gun at the base of Pavel’s neck. That, on a Russian, is the equivalent of pressing Data in the lower back – it renders them helpless. He tells Jack over a radio that Pavel has been taken care of.

Jack grabs Meredith by the arm and tells her to come with him. Jason freaks out and sends all four of the Russians after Jack and Meredith. The Russians start shooting. One of them has something against department store dummies, because he blows it to smithereens. Jack shoots all of the agents in pretty quick succession, then gets on the loud speaker, and says, “Clean up in Aisle 5!” Jason and Eden quickly loose sight of Jack and Meredith.

Jack gets to his paranoid friend and they all leave (including Pavel).

Commercial

12:40 pm – Logan looks over a bunch of ties, which because of their bright colors, completely mesmerize him. He gets a call from a very freaked out Jason, who explains that Jack not only knew they were setting him up, but that all the Russians are dead, Jack has Pavel, and they have no idea where he is. But besides that, everything is going exactly according to plan.

Jason suggests that Logan “distance himself” from the whole situation, since it’s all about to go very badly. They had completely forgotten to anticipate that Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer. Logan doesn’t want to distance himself, mainly because he doesn’t run marathons, but also because he’s convinced Pavel won’t talk, no matter what Jack does. Logan tells Jason that he has intelligence and tenacity, which, if he were playing World of Warcraft would help him in Lake Wintergrasp, but also should help him find Jack Bauer. Jason’s going to go to find Bauer himself. Eden’s really freaked out about what Jack just did. Jason leaves, but asks that a perimeter be set up all over New York, just in case.

12:41 pm – Arlo asks Chloe if she’s had any luck finding Jack’s associates. She tells him that even if you leave out foreign nationals and dead people, it’ll take hours because Jack knows a lot of people. She’s not even sure she can leave out dead people, because everyone who is a friend of Jack would be willing to help him.

Arlo tells Chloe he’s found a video feed of a lot shooting. Chloe tells him that doesn’t mean anything, since this is New York. Arlo says it’s more shooting that usual, and she listens. They tap into the security cameras at the department store and see an instant replay of Jack’s handiwork. They start to try and use it to see who Jack might be working with.

12:45 pm – Jack and his group leave the building and head across the street into an abandoned building. Meredith is pretty freaked out that her phone call was bugged, since she really can’t afford the extra cell phone minutes that sort of thing would take up. She’s also a bit worried that she might have been killed. Jack hands her the video chip, and she seems to be a lot less freaked out since she has the material for a Pulitzer prize. Pavel drops something on the ground, and very suspiciously picks it up. He’s hiding something.

Jack’s paranoid friend starts to take Meredith to another room so she doesn’t have to witness what Jack’s about to do, and she starts to freak out again. She really wants to stay because it would be great for her story, but she’s taken away anyway.

After tying Pavel up, Jack dismantles Pavel’s rifle. That’s not a euphemism, he really does dismantle Pavel’s rifle. Jack notes that that exact gun is just like the one that killed Renee. Pavel tells Jack to go to hell. Jack says “You first. I have the address in my Rolodex. ”

Commercial

12:52 pm – Meredith watches Dana’s home movies in another room, while Jack “talks” to Pavel.

Well, not “to” Pavel as “at” Pavel. Jack talks with a pair of pliers in his hands. Well, talks and uses the pliers on Pavel. There’s a lot of yelling and punching. Mostly Pavel yelling and Jack punching.

12:55 pm – Jason runs up the escalator in time to completely take control of the department store crime seen, which has already been completely taken under control. He takes out his phone and shows everyone a very tiny picture of Jack, and tells everyone that’s who they should be looking for. Only they have to imagine Jack actual size, not the size they see on the phone.

12:57 pm – Jack isn’t quite done with Pavel yet, so he wakes him up. This time, Jack starts cutting him up with a knife. Pavel’s response is to spit on Jack. Not a good move because now Jack has moved up to – lemon juice. He squirts it all over Pavel’s wounds. Pavel screams, and still no answers.

Next up, a blow torch! Lots more yelling, some burning skin, but still no answers. Jack goes to the table to look for something else, and realizes Pavel’s SIM card for his cell phone is missing. That’s what Pavel was hiding.

Jack realizes that Pavel swallowed it. Since Jack doesn’t have anything to make Pavel throw up, he decides to use his knife to cut straight to the SIM card. Jack digs around, gets the SIM card out of Pavel, and puts it into the phone.

Now, this is a pretty good SIM card, because even with Russian stomach acid all over it, it still works! Jack dials the last number that Pavel received, and learns that President Logan called!

1:00 pm – TIME’S UP!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: SHOTGUNS! JASON! COFFEE SHOPS! VENGENCE! COLE! KIDNAPPING PRESIDENT LOGAN! JACK VERSUS LOGAN! MY BET IS ON JACK!

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!