Reminder! The fourth series of Sherlock starts January 1st, 2017! Check your local listing for the PBS station near you that will be showing it!
Reminder! The fourth series of Sherlock starts January 1st, 2017! Check your local listing for the PBS station near you that will be showing it!
MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD
So, three minutes to GoT. In the previews, Tyrion takes a look at the dragons. One breathes fire… Could Tyrion be immune to it? Or will the dragon react the Tyrion in some unexpected way? Tyrion Kabobs? I hope he’s immune… (But, it’s probably nothing). We’ll see!
I’m so ready for The X-Files
My friend John sent me a posting by Javier Grillo-Marxuach, one of the original writers of LOST. It’s a rather lengthy post about the early years, and centers around the question about whether or not LOST was planned from the very beginning, or whether they made it up as they went along.
Downton Abbey is coming to an end
“Millions of people around the world have followed the journey of the Crawley family and those who serve them for the last five years. Inevitably there comes a time when all shows should end and Downton is no exception,” executive producer Gareth Neame said in a statement. “We wanted to close the doors of Downton Abbey when it felt right and natural for the storylines to come together and when the show was still being enjoyed so much by its fans. We can promise a final season full of all the usual drama and intrigue, but with the added excitement of discovering how and where they all end up…”
The creator of “Breaking Bad” has TWO shows coming along. You probably know about Better Call Saul, which starts in February 2015:
Did you know about “Battle Creek“? It’s coming in 2015 too.
Previously on “24”, we discovered: Heller plays pick up sticks with pills; Chinese spies travel via UPS; The Chinese President looks like Gorbachev; Chloe can hide in her sleep; Jack thinks he can stop bleeding by yelling; Audrey was about to be recaptured, ending the story on a happy note, but we have one hour left for her to somehow screw that up for everyone.
The following takes place between 10pm and 11 am, which is kind of weird, even for “24”:
10 pm – Audrey’s still on the bench. Cheng told her not to move from the bench, or she’d be killed. So, of course, Shao wakes back up, only being mostly dead. Shao attempts to tell Audrey to stay the heck away from her, but Audrey tries to help her anyway, and the sniper kills Shao. Cheng tells Audrey not to move and that he double-swears-cross-his-fingers-hopes-Jack-dies that he really, really means it this time. Audrey sits back down, looking like the worse person ever to feed pigeons, ever.
In the Russian embassy, which at the moment is completely devoid of Russians, Mark, Kate and Jack search for something to tell them where Cheng is. Jack discovers a secret compartment, marked “Secret Compartment – Hit Here!” in a drawer. It’s got a cell phone! Jack uses the dead Deputy Minister’s dead thumb to unlock the phone, and it has three messages on it. It has three e-mails about money for a shipment! They guess that’s where Cheng is going to be, since they were all signed “Hugs, Cheng”.
Mark’s phone rings, and he’s horrified that someone sent him a picture of Audrey. Cheng calls, and tells them all that Audrey will die instantly if they go after him. For some reason, they don’t immediately go sprinting out of the building after Cheng.
Mark tries to argue that they need to save Audrey. Kate and Jack both look at him with an “oh well!” look. Then Mark gets really personal and tells Jack, “She loves you!” Jack immediately does what anyone else in would do in the same circumstance… he yells, “SHUT UP!” That was a very mean thing of Mark to say.
Kate and Jack discuss tactics further, and they decide Kate will go after Audrey. Jack is going after Cheng.
10:07pm – For some reason The President decides he wants to tour make-shift CIA headquarters and shows up there right during the middle of this crisis. Fortunately, all the military tactical personnel and equipment has moved as well, and in under 15 minutes. The military guys tell Heller that the Chinese are heading towards Okinawa. They all want to raise the nuclear alert level.
Chloe stumbles out of the woods looking like she really misses her workstation. A passing car stops. A couple jump out of the car, tell her that she looks just like “Chloe..you know, on ’24’!”. She asks to use their cell phone. She calls Jack.
Chloe tells Jack that Adrian isn’t going to be releasing secrets any time soon, and that she wants to help Jack in any way she can. She convinces Jack that he should trust her, and he drives to pick her up. She signs autographs for the couple while she waits.
10:13 pm – Heller is on the video phone with the President of China. Heller does exactly what many Americans do when speaking to foreigners, he talks very slowly. It turns out that the Chinese President speaks English better than Heller does. Heller warns him that if the warships cross the twelve mile limit, there’s going to be a fight!
Cheng arrives at the dock in his UPS van full of his guys. The captain says they’re going to leave in fifteen minutes. Cheng wants to use express delivery, but the captain warns him that they’re not going to be able to get them to speak passable Danish any sooner than 15 minutes.
At in the middle of nowhere, Jack drives up and Chloe gets in the car. Jack asks, “What the hell happened? You OK?” Chloe replies that’s her new makeup, and he shouldn’t be so judgmental. Also, she got banged up getting away from Cheng.
Jack tells Chloe where the laptop is, and she writes some subroutines while they discuss what happened. Chloe believes that Adrian used her knowledge to build the override device. That makes perfect sense, since Chloe is the only person on Earth that could build a device that could mimic her capabilities in getting into systems. She feels this is all her fault.
Chloe wants to know why Jack is alone, because perimeters are hard to make with only one person. He explains that they need Cheng alive, which surprises Chloe, since most people Jack goes after end up dead. Jack further explains that Audrey is pinned down by a sniper. Chloe doesn’t see much wrong with this, since it is Audrey after all, but when she sees the look of distress on Jack’s face she apologizes again.
10:16pm – Audrey, still on the park bench looks really nervous, especially since she didn’t ask Cheng if she could go to the bathroom before she started to have to sit still.
Audrey’s phone rings! She looks down at it, presses the button… it’s Kate! The very first thing Kate tells her to do is don’t do anything that makes it looks like she’s in communication with anyone. And ESPECIALLY don’t look down at the phone and press a button. Doing something like that would be SURE to tip off the sniper.
Kate tells Audrey to answer a couple of questions. Audrey stomps her foot on the ground answering “Yes” and “No” questions. Kate determines that Audrey has no idea where the sniper is, but thinks she has a good way of figuring it out. She’s going to make Audrey move around a bit so the sniper will shoot at her when she makes a sudden movement! Sound like a completely safe plan to Audrey, so she goes along with it.
Audrey suddenly jumps up, and instead of ducking for cover, she moves straight towards the building she’s facing. In exchange, the sniper gives her a bullet. In her park bench. (Not a euphemism). While this was going on, Kate watched for the sniper and thinks she knows where he is.
The sniper calls Cheng and tells him what just happened with Audrey. Cheng says that if the sniper sees anything unusual, such as sudden movement towards the house where the sniper is, looking down at a cell phone, not crying when shot… he has authorization to kill Audrey.
Kate calls Jack to let him know they’re going to try to take out the sniper. Jack suggests that Kate shoot him, instead of trying to date him.
Jack and Chloe arrive, and Belachek is there waiting with a nice gun for Jack. Chloe can’t get online to change her Facebook status, so she makes a run for the nearby satellite dish she spots. She runs off; Jack follows and yells for her. She stops, and Jack shoots a very dangerous looking door, which does not return fire. Jack thanks Chloe for everything, and asks her to pay off his satellite bill after she hacks into it.
10:24 pm – Kate calls Audrey. Audrey AGAIN looks down at the phone and presses a button, which is apparently is completely not suspicious to anyone. Kate tells her as soon as she hears gun fire, do NOT run towards it. Run away. Audrey stomps the ground once, indicating she understands. In her own little Audrey way, she understands.
Chloe’s spent the last few minutes building a compete ISP using the satellite dish, a spare telephone and an empty bottle of Guinness. She’s got an infrared Predator view of the cargo ship and will help Jack navigate through everything to kill some bad guys.
Jack and Belachek take out five guys immediately as they make they’re way through the cargo container area at the dock. Then, just for fun, they try practice some Olympic Synchronized Sniper Shooting and take out two more simultaneously. The judges award a 10 out of 10, but seem very nervous as they hold up their cards.
10:26 pm – Jack and Belachek continue to make their way across the cargo area, occasionally pointing at midair, which they use to scare midair. They make it to the boat, and to celebrate, they shoot another guy. Chloe informs them that there are about a dozen other “heat signatures”, which is CIA talk for warm bodies that are about to become cold bodies. Chloe thinks that Cheng is near a communication tower, since a lot of guys with guns are near it.
Inside that tower, Cheng’s best hacker has figured out that someone is screwing around with the area’s satellite dish, since he can’t get the Food Network very clearly. Cheng asks the captain to contact his men, who unbeknownst to Cheng, if they could contact him at this point, would be contacting him from “the other side”. When that doesn’t work, Cheng tells his hacker to do something about it. The Chinese hacker guy tells Cheng he’s going to try to mirror the intruder’s screen. Cheng tells everyone to find whoever is on the ship.
Chloe tells Kate that she has to make her move right away, or they’re going to have one less Audrey pretty soon.
Cheng gives the kill order!
The sniper, who’s been sitting there with the scope on Audrey this whole time takes a couple of seconds to really line up the shot even better. Kate runs out and yells “Peek-a-boo!” and shoots at the window. Audrey leaps, but only moves a few feet away so she can see what happens. Another agent joins in on shooting. The sniper, being thrown back by all the gun fight, falls forwards instead of backwards, and out the window – dead!
Since there is no possible way there was more than one Chinese agent in the area, they all feel pretty comfortable with Audrey being out in the open. Kate calls Erik while they stand around. Kate informs Erik they they need some CIA help, and that they’ve got Audrey. Erik seems completely bewildered about what’s happening, which is right in line of everyone else who has ever been in charge of something Jack is associated with. Erik orders guys over to help Jack.
Chloe is busy freaking out that someone is messing with her Internet, and tries to get it back, because she was right in the middle of posting something to Twitter.
Cheng pulls a gun and orders the captain to start the engines, and that they’re leaving. The captain tells everyone of his guys to leave. For some reason they don’t get the heck away from Cheng, and start the boat engines.
Jack and Belachek hear this, and Jack tells Belachek to go downstairs and do whatever he has to, to stop the boat.
Chloe, Audrey and the other agents take a leisurely stroll back to the gate where their cars are parked. Someone suddenly runs up and starts shooting in their direction! Two agents go down, and the guy runs off.
They all turn around, and Audrey discovers she’s been shot! Kate yells a lot, which is what Jack did to try and stop the Russian from bleeding, but it doesn’t work. Audrey cries one last tear, and closes her eyes. Jack is NOT going to be happy about this. Unless she comes back as a zombie. Which might have already happened. We’re not sure.
10:36pm – At makeshift headquarters, the military guys are pretty pumped up about unleashing military stuff but Heller tells them to wait. Someone comes in and tells Heller’s assistant he needs a word. The assistant gets the news (which we presume is about Audrey) and he makes every effort not to jump for joy.
Back on the boat, Jack and Belachek get into position. Kate decides this is the perfect time to tell Jack that Audrey is dead. Jack looks really bewildered. He pulls out his hand gun… he looks like he’s about to do something really bad to himself. He hears some guys coming and decides to go all Jack Bauer on them, and mows a bunch of them down as soon as he sees them.
Jack calmly walks through the kitchen area, shoots a couple of guys and then shows off his knife skills by throwing a butcher’s cleaver at someone, killing him.
Down in the engine room, Belachek’s gun convinces the guy starting the engine to start stopping the engine.
Upstairs, Jack makes his way into the room where Cheng is. One of Cheng’s guys goes out to see where Jack is. It turns out that Jack has a knife waiting for the guy’s throat. This, as you might imagine, hurts enough to where Jack is able to steer the guy back into the room using him as a shield. Jack shoots the other people in the room, and then finishes off his human shield, just to be sure he’s really good and dead.
Cheng tries to shoot Jack, but Jack kicks the gun out his hand. Cheng tries to use martial arts moves on Jack, but they can’t counteract Bauer-Fu. Jack is so on fire with his moves that Cheng tries to use a fire extinguisher on him, but that doesn’t work. After breaking Cheng’s arm, Jack takes him down, telling him, “You should have stayed hidden like a rat! You’re going to die an old man!”
Meanwhile, the Chinese carries have crossed the line and Heller tells the military guys they have permission to start fighting, which gets them super excited. Right at that moment, Jack calls in, so Heller tells them to stand down. This gets the military guys super-unexcited.
Jack, somehow, has a video call going back to Makeshift CIA Headquarters, and he shows everyone that Cheng is alive. CIA links with the Chinese, so they get the same video feed, which probably surprises the Chinese because they had an unlisted number.
While the facial recognition software does it thing, Gavin wishes he was using some of the apps on his phone, because they can do facial recognition much more quickly.
Jack yells at Cheng to admit who he is. Cheng doesn’t say anything. Jack notices that the room they’re in has all the standard issue Danish ship equipment, including a samurai sword. Jack grabs it and holds it to Cheng’s neck, yelling at him to say who he is. Cheng finally say, “I’m Senior Chang!” and they get a facial and voice match. CIA confirms, and the screen goes blank.
10:42 pm – Heller leaves the room. And The Assistant With Audrey News goes with him.
Now off camera, Jack tells Cheng, “This is for Audrey!” He attempts to give Cheng a really close crew cut, but misses and cuts off his head. That’s going to be a little awkward to explain.
Heller is on the video link with The Chinese President That Looks Like Gorby telling him that since Cheng is alive, this proves everything that he’s been saying all along. The Chinese President says he’ll look into it. Heller tells the Chinese President, now would be a good time to turn the ships around, since they’re getting towards the end of the program, and having an all out war at the end of the season would be a bad way to end things. The Chinese President agrees, and orders his ships turned back. We hear swearing from over where the military guys are.
The assistant tells Heller he better sit down for the news he’s about to give him. The assistant tells him the news about Audrey, and Heller falls to the floor. Mark looks on, and realizes something bad has happened.
Jack and Belachek run to find Chloe back where she was hiding…but she’s not there! And there’s Chloe blood on the ground! Jack gets a phone call. It’s someone asking if he’d like to switch his long distance service. He hangs up. He gets another call, but we can’t tell who it is. All we know is that Jack will be there for a meeting that’s being set up.
10:50 AM – Twelve Hours Later! Whoa! Sorry… I must have dozed off.
Kate hands in her report to Erik. Erik tells her that it wasn’t her fault about Audrey. Kate gives him a look as if to say, “DUH!”. She still looks upset though. We can tell even after she goes into her glass office. She lays down her badge and gun, and leaves.
Mark’s in a holding cell crying about his really bad day. Erik comes in and informs him he’s won an all expense paid trip to Levinworth. Mark asks about the President, and Erik tells him they won’t be dating anymore.
Prime Minister Frye tries to comfort Heller as Audrey’s casket is unloaded. Heller admits he’s losing his memory, and he’ll never remember what happened to get him on this show in the first place. He walks Audrey’s casket along with the military guard escorting it.
10:55pm – Somewhere outside London, a helicopter lands, because they do that freely around London. Jack and Belachek arrive. There are people holding guns on Jack everywhere. It’s the Russians. And they look very Russian.
It’s an exchange for Chloe! They take her out of the helicopter. Jack and Chloe start marching for the exchange. When they meet in the middle, Jack tells her the she really is his best friend and asks that she look in on his family.
When Chloe is safe, and Jack is with the Main Russian Guy, Jack does the typical Jack thing and threatens him. Jack says that if Chloe or his family is messed with in anyway, he’ll come out of another retirement and do another “24” show. Maybe even one that is “24” episodes this time.
Jack gets on the helicopter with the Russians as Belachek and Chloe run for the car.
The helicopter takes off.
11:00 am – TIME’S UP! THAT’S IT!
Thanks to my friend John, who does a quick read on these things before I post them, correcting a zillion mistakes (I counted once….one zillion) so I sound better than I really am.
Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read these things too.
Most of all, thanks to Dave for hosting all this crazy stuff for us and playing along with these posts I do. Without him, we’d all be loose on streets on Monday nights, and nobody wants that.
[note: I post these over on Dave Barry’s blog while the show is running first, and then here].
Previously on 24, we learned: Nobody walks around London at night – they only ride the escalator in subway stations; The real reason Steve was arrested: He shot some beer kegs, which in some parts of England is still a hanging offense; Kate is REALLY good (and REALLY scary) during an interrogation; The Russians still think they can handle Jack, not realizing they’re against Jack AND Kate; Adrian’s attempt at becoming a professional bullet catcher did not end well; Cheng came back to play the biggest game of Battleship ever; when Chloe cries, Chinese ships explode.
The following takes place between 9pm and 10pm:
9pm – The President is getting debriefed, and for some reason Audrey is in the room. It’s OK though, because no one appears to see her. An admiral announces that the Chinese carrier has spontaneously sprung mysterious leaks, due to mysterious explosions. They’re pretty sure the leaks are coming from the holes in the ship.
Jack and Kate have been in a gun fight since last week, and it’s still continuing. Kate suspects that these might be Adrian’s guys. Jack thinks that if it had been Adrian’s guys, they would have had their credit cards hacked. He thinks it’s something more.
Cheng is looking over his 1-0 lead in his Battleship game, feeling pretty smug. Chloe asks why he’d attack his own country. It turns out that Cheng is a little bit ticked off at China. He says it’s not his country anymore, but we’re not really sure it was his to begin with. It’s a pretty big place.
One of Cheng’s henchmen is channel surfing and notices there’s a pretty realistic gunfight happening on the “Jack vs the Russians” channel. Cheng, being super paranoid (and a little egotistical), thinks this is all about him. After finding a bottle cap he’s convinced is a tracking device, Cheng tells everyone to pack up and leave.
Chloe, meanwhile, notices an iPhone on the ground. She tries to use her mental powers to make it move into her hand by staring at it, but fails. She falls on the phone on the way out, but Cheng notices and takes the phone from her. That model is not available in China yet.
Outside, Jack and Kate practice Just-In-Time gun management techniques and run out of bullets just as backup arrives. The federal agents announce themselves as “Federal Agents”, which is kind of a weird thing to say in a foreign country where they have zero authority. It works though, because the Russians give up.
Jack tells everyone the override device hasn’t moved. This is a good thing because a self-aware mobile override device is the LAST thing they need right now. Jack announces he’s going after it.
9:06 pm – Jack goes into the building, pointing his gun at thin air the whole time. The air doesn’t move, so he doesn’t have to shoot it. He finds the room where Chloe and Cheng were, looks a little upset about all the dead bodies, but is much more upset that there’s a fake override device transmitter just sitting on the desk.
Kate arrives. She doesn’t seem very upset about all the dead bodies, or the fact that Jack might have shot them all. She finds a phone though, that just happened to be recording everything since the person died. Why in the world would someone who died sometime last hour just happened to be recording something, and how they happened to have enough spare room to do all that recording… well, it’s a mystery.
It’s also a mystery how it recorded Cheng talking, but nothing about what Kate and Jack just said. But that’s not important. What is important is that Jack starts twitching as soon as Kate plays the recording, when Jack hears Cheng’s voice.
At the embassy, where the President and his entourage are staying, there’s a news report. The reporter seems really distressed that the Chinese carrier might have lost thousands of people. The reporter does not seem to be the least bit distressed that there was a CHINESE CARRIER IN THE MEDITERRANEAN OFF THE COAST OF GIBRALTAR. Nope. Nothing odd about that.
Jack calls the President and tells him Cheng is alive. Audrey looks visibly disturbed by this news. Ok…check that… Audrey looks even more visibly disturbed than she normally does. The President goes into this “talking to kindergarteners” voice and tells Jack that Cheng is dead. The President says knows Cheng is dead because some Chinese spy source swears it’s true, and who wouldn’t believe a Chinese spy over Jack Bauer. The President has also put on his super sleuth hat and has deduced that the override device was used to help blow up the Chinese carrier.
Jack tells The President that he’s pretty sure Cheng is working with the Russians, since they showed up earlier. As soon as The President hears “Russians”, Mark looks like he just created his own perimeter. The President tells Jack to get the device back so they can prove they had nothing to do with sinking the ship. Apart from owning the missiles. And the ship that shot them.
Audrey’s having a full on panic attack now that she knows Cheng is alive. Or it might just be one of her regularly scheduled panic attacks.
At makeshift CIA headquarters, everyone is pretty much useless because Chloe doesn’t work there anymore. They tell Jack that they have a lot of computers, but have no idea where the heck Cheng is. They do tell Jack that the Russians used his secret decoder ring frequency to track him. Only makeshift CIA headquarters and Mark knew about the code. Jack doesn’t look happy, and leaves Adrian’s Dead Hacker Lair.
9:16 pm – Cheng and company are in a UPS van. Cheng calls the Russian consulate guy, sounding a lot like Senior Chang. Cheng is worried about Jack, because he’s pretty sure Jack holds a grudge. The Russian tells Cheng that he’ll be able to leave the country via a Danish ship. Cheng gets excited until he’s told that it’s just a regular ship and has no pastries on it.
Kate is confused about why Cheng would want to start a war between China and the United States. Jack says that’s because “the political landscape shifted” 10 years ago. Kate says, “What, like an earthquake?” Jack looks disturbed and says, “Uh…yeah, just like an earthquake.” He goes on to explain that everyone in the intelligence community thought Cheng was dead. That’s going to be quick a discussion thread on their message boards, ha ha! Kate wonders why Mark would have anything to do with this, and Jack looks anxious to “discuss” this with Mark in person.
Mark tries to convince Audrey to leave the room with all this going on. She says, “I like to think my country needs me too.”
On behalf of the country, I would say “no”.
The President takes a video call from The Chinese President, who looks a lot like Mikhail Gorbachov. The President tries to give The Chinese President the old “Whoops! It wasn’t us! It was a bad guy!” excuse. While this is actually true, The Chinese President doesn’t believe that. And he REALLY doesn’t believe that Cheng is still alive. The President tries to pinky swear it’s true, but The Chinese President doesn’t believe him. He only tells Heller, “What ever happens today is on your head.” The video goes blank. Heller freaks out, thinking something is in his hair, until someone explains to him what the expression means.
The President tells everyone that they should help Jack get whatever he needs to get Cheng. He puts Mark in charge. Mark lets out a nervous, hysterical laugh, but catches himself before anyone notices.
Audrey, thinking she still has some role to play in all this, says she has a secret friend from China that might be able to help. Heller plays along, thinking this is another one of Audrey’s “special friends”. It turns out it’s a real person who Audrey met while previously working with China. Now, why Audrey would have been working with anyone remotely associated with China after what she went through before with Cheng, I have no idea. But she did. Her contact’s name is Shao. Audrey thinks by letting the Chinese know there’s a weakness in America’s defense systems, she can convince them that the whole “blowing up the ship thing” was a mistake. Heller doesn’t seem the least bit alarmed about letting the Chinese know about weaknesses in America’s defense systems, so he lets her try this.
While this has been going on, the Chinese have been busy sending in planes and ships towards something. What something? Nobody knows, but it is probably a bad thing.
9:27 pm – Jack calls Audrey. Mystic “Risky Business” music plays in the background. Jack’s about to tell her about Cheng, but she already knew because she was eavesdropping on her father’s phone call. Jack says some thing are going to happen soon, that he’s pretty sure she won’t like. Audrey blows this off, because, I mean, what could Jack POSSIBLY do that’s so bad, right? Oh, and she wants Jack to kill Cheng. A lot.
The President is getting a briefing, which is nice because he lost his briefs when he was debriefed earlier this hour. The military guys tell him that the Chinese appear to getting ready to attack Okinawa. One of the military guys really wants to pull out the nuclear weapons, because it’d be really cool. The President disagrees, just as Jack arrives. Jack requests a meeting with The President and Mark.
They go into another room where Jack pulls his gun on Mark. Jack wants Mark to confess about sending the Russians after him. Since the “Sorry!” thing seems like the thing to say, since the President just got done using that with the Chinese, Mark attempts to use that excuse. Heller reacts basically the same way The Chinese President did.
Jack points out that the Russian deputy minister is really a super duper spy, and calls Mark the “I” word. Heller wants to have Mark arrested, but Jack thinks it would be a lot more fun to take Mark on a “Ride Along” since he recently saw that movie.
9:38 pm – Erik sends information about the Russian deputy minister’s home to Kate, Jack and Mark as they drive towards it. Kate and Jack seem completely calm about the whole thing. Mark is on his third set of Depends. Kate gives Mark a device to put in his ear, and a camera to put on his lapel for when he goes up to the house. This obviously will work, because cameras and communication devices are almost never ever detected by other spies. Mark wants to know what happens if “the bullets start to fly”. Jack wants to tell him “Bullets don’t fly! They’re SHOT!”, but tells him to stay low instead. Mark tries to apologize to Jack, but doesn’t sound very convincing.
In the UPS van, Cheng and his guys are wondering why hacking into port security is taking so long, since getting into world’s defense systems is so easy. When Cheng’s security guy tries to explain iptables in greater detail, Chloe sees her chance. She grabs a metal bar and starts going all Jack Bauer on everyone. This surprises everyone, including Chloe. Before they have a chance to react, Chloe jumps from the van into the woods. All the guys leave the van. Chloe rolls down a hill, apparently knocking herself unconscious.
As the Chinese look for Chloe, an English military truck pulls up to the pitch black van with the Chinese guy dressed all in pitch black. The soldier in the truck asks if Cheng needs any help. Cheng is about to say that “no, we’ll find her”, but thinks better of it. After offering Cheng some tea, the truck drives off. Cheng decides to leave Chloe. The Chinese get back in the van and leave.
9:43 pm – The military guys inform the President that the Chinese are still on their way to Okinawa. A staff guy tells Heller that Prime Minster Stephen Fry tried to explain about the override device, but The Chinese President couldn’t understand his English accent.
Heller pulls out some pills out and spills them all over the floor. He bends down to pick them up, and everyone tries to help him. No one says anything, but Heller shoots them a “If Anyone Makes a ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” Joke, They’re In Big Trouble” look.
One of the officers gets a phone call. The Chinese have fired missiles! And it turns out the super-secret surveillance satellites are now out of commission, and also not as super-secret as previously thought.
The other military guy suggests raising the Defcon level to 3. Heller agrees, and says they should also raise the ComicCon level to 3, just to be safe.
9:48 pm – Kate, Mark and Jack arrive at the Russian’s house. Jack wishes Mark “good luck” while laughing under his breath so far we can’t even tell he’s doing it.
Mark goes to the front gate and asks to be let in to see the Russian deputy minister, which surprisingly doesn’t work. The guy at the gate tells him to go away, or he’ll taunt Mark a second time.
Mark insists on taking to the deputy minister on the phone, which he’s finally given. Mark tells the minister that Heller knows about the forged signature and he wants asylum. Mark also says he’s too cute to go to prison, and he’s scared. Mark swears he’ll be a great asset because he’s attended intelligence briefings, he knows things about what’s going on in Washington, and all the secrets about Area 52, which is even more secret than Area 51. This last part convinces the deputy minister, and after a brief ineffective search, Mark is let in.
When they get to the security panel, Jack asks Mark to move closer to it, which didn’t look at all suspicious to anyone. Makeshift CIA seems to be surprised that the security is so high.
The deputy minister comes downstairs and tells Mark to follow him. The Russian security for rooms is similar to the CIA, because the room they go into has a glass door. Mark tells the minister that he’ll need money, which appears to be the thing that convinces the minister.
CIA jams the security system, the gates open and the shooting begins! Also, all the security cameras that the minister was watching go blank, so he gets suspicious. He goes for his gun and there’s struggle!
While Kate and Jack shoot various security people and tissue boxes explode all around them, the deputy minister and Mark go crashing through the glass door!
The Russian Deputy Minister finally learns why a glass door is a stupid thing to have to his office, because parts of it stick out of his neck. He pulls out the glass and blood spurts everywhere, which is going to make the security deposit on this house he’s renting a lot harder to get back.
Jack arrives and tries to stop the bleeding by holding a towel to the minister’s neck, and by yelling at him, asking where Cheng is. Yelling at him was the wrong thing to do, and he dies. Jack, for the first time in a long while, looks perplexed about what to do next.
9:56pm – Audrey meets with her friend Shao at the park. Audrey tells Shao about Cheng being alive. Then Audrey tells Shao about the device that can take over all the drones that exist, something I’m sure the Chinese would love to know. Audrey gives Shao a big hug as she leaves.
It turns out that was the last hug Shao was ever going to get because a bullet hits her, and she goes down. So do both Secret Service guys with Audrey. Audrey doesn’t quite understand that bullets, hitting the ground and blood means “a bad thing”and doesn’t move out of the way.
Her phone rings. It’s Cheng! He tells Audrey to sit down! Oh no! He tells Audrey, “You may be allowed to live!” NOoooooooOOOOooo!
TIME’S UP! – Well, that’s it for the show. Audrey was recaptured by the Chinese and everyone’s happy! …WAIT! There’s another hour? But that’s the happy ending everyone was hoping for… aw….. ok. Well, in that case…
NEXT TIME ON “24” – GUN ON AUDREY! FORCES ENGAGING! CHLOE IS BACK! HELLER COLLAPSES! SHOOTING! CASKETS!