Tag: 24 Humor

24 – The Next Day: 5 am to 6 am

Last Time: Mount Rushmore was saved when Jack was able to detonate the toilet hanging from Lincoln’s nose with the help of his gun. The people inside the limo that grabbed Manilow off the streets of Las Vegas got fed up with him and threw him in the trunk. Jack and Curtis got sidetracked in Indianapolis by falling for the old “Remote-Controlled-Stock-Car-Going-Around-The-Track” trick. RoboEdgar accidentally dropped the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile in the front yard of someone north of Indianapolis. Jack and Curtis chased the Marwan Brothers to the Field Museum in Chicago. The Marwans are somewhere inside, and Jack and Curtis have just arrived on the front steps.

The following occurred between 5 am and 6 am, and was filmed before a live studio audience.

5:00 am – A guard inside the Field museum sleeps at his post as Jack and Curtis pound on the doors. No matter what they do they can’t get the guys attention. Jack finally yells, “Cubs win the World Series!”, and that’s shocking enough to wake the guard up. The guard walks over to the door and Jack and Curtis mouth the words “Let us in” and start doing an elaborate pantomime trying to show that they want to get into the museum. The guard just stands there watching them. He uses an intercom and tells them, “No mimes”. Jack realizes the guard can hear them and tells the guard they need to get inside right away, and that it’s an emergency. The guard tells him that there are public restrooms down the street. Jack tells RoboEdgar to guard the entrance. Jack turns and shoots open the lock on the door. Jack and Curtis run into the museum, and the guard says, “The men’s room is on the second level!”

5:02 am – Julian is convinced he can find the secret to curing his brother’s pending onset of Zombie-itis, and runs frantically through the museum looking for the Tutankhamun exhibit. Under the lights of the museum, Marwan looks about as healthy as an Olympic athlete who participated in 1904.

5:04 am – Jack and Curtis run through the museum trying to figure out where the Marwans are headed. They stop outside the museum gift shop. Jack tries to reach Chloe on his JackPhone, but he can’t get a signal. He turns around and sees Curtis messing around with a coin stamping machine. Curtis says he’s just trying to get a souvenir of their trip, and shows Jack the coin. It’s of the King Tut exhibit. Jack tells Curtis they have to get a disguise and walk into the exhibit to try and take the Marwans by surprise, because he’s sure that’s where they’ll be.

5:06 am – Julian and Marwan are searching through the King Tut exhibit when Marwan suddenly stops and points at a mummy. Marwan says, “Hey! I know him! In the afterlife, that guy owes me money!” Julian stares at his brother for a second, and tells him they have to move quickly to find the recipe for the cure.

5:08 am – Jack and Curtis have broken into the gift shop. They both are putting on disguises to see if they can sneak into the King Tut exhibit posing as service staff. Jack finds a beard and glues it on. He tells Curtis to hurry up. Curtis emerges from the other side of the rack wearing a full King Tut costume, complete with head dress. He tells Jack that he could set down perimeters in style with that kind of outfit. Jack says that he’ll have to go in first with a service cart to see if he can see the Marwans. After that, Curtis will have to follow. Curtis asks what he should do. Jack looks him up and down and tells him that he should walk like an Egyptian.

Commercial

5:13 am – Julian walks to a portion of the exhibit with giant stone tablets hanging inside a glass case. The label on the outside says “Believed to be a tablet of ancient medicines and cures”. Julian excitedly tells Marwan that he thinks he found the recipe. He starts copying down the hieroglyphics onto a note pad. Marwan steps up and looks at the tablet. Marwan laughs, and says that it’s not a tablet that explains medicines at all. Marwan says, “See here? It says, ‘East Nile Guy seeks West Nile Gal for fun, food, and eye make up exchanges.’ It’s a personal ad!”.

5:15 am – Jack enters the exhibit wearing a maintenance jumpsuit and pushing a cart. The Marwans are in the far part of the exhibit and don’t see him. Jack slowly moves towards the Marwans. Suddenly, we hear someone singing:

“Now when he was a young man,
He’d never thought he’d see,
People standing in line,
To see the boy king”

It’s Curtis. He walks into the room singing and dancing, trying to blend in as if he’s part of the exhibit. Needless to say, the Marwans see through this immediately, and start shooting, knocking Curtis to the floor. Jack tries to return fire, but only gets a couple of shots off before the Marwans escape. As they’re running towards the entrance, Marwan tells Julian, “Don’t worry brother, it will all be over soon!”

5:16 am – Jack goes to see if he can help Curtis. There’s large dent in the medallion he’s wearing, but he seems to be OK. He tells Jack that probably wasn’t the best entrance he could have made, and Jack agrees.

5:18 am – The Marwans run through the museum, out the exit and slam straight into RoboEdgar. They fall to the ground, and RoboEdgar looks to see what happened. Thinking quickly, he tells RoboEdgar that there’s a great pizza place around Wabash and Ohio. RoboEdgar ignites his rocket boosters and takes off. Julian turns on a hand held radio, and tells someone to be ready for them.

5:20 am – The Marwans jump into Jack’s car, hotwire the engine and start to drive away. Jack and Curtis burst through the doors of the museum, dive for the car and are only able to grab it by the bumper as the car peels away. Curtis and Jack hang on for dear life as the car goes down the street. Sparks shoot all over the place from all the metal on Curtis’ costume. Jack looks up and sees a bumper sticker that reads, “How’s my driving?”

5:22 am – The car continues down the road, with Jack and Curtis in tow. After narrowly avoiding getting hit by traffic, tail-gaters, and various pieces of road kill, the car screeches to a halt, forcing Jack and Curtis off the bumper. They both tumble into a wall.
They’re at the entrance to Navy Pier. Marwan and Julian don’t even notice that Jack and Curtis were with them the whole time as they race for the doors to the building.

5:23 am – Marwan and Julian each run to a different door. Julian takes out his gun, shoots the lock, and runs inside. Marwan looks at what Julian did, shrugs, and simply opens the door. Marwan shakes his head. Julian’s only reaction is to tell his brother to hurry up. They go running down up the escalator and out of sight.

5:24 am – Curtis and Jack regain consciousness outside of Navy Pier. Jack gets up first and checks to see that Curtis is OK. Jack goes running to one of the doors and slams straight into the glass, which knocks him backwards. Jack shakes his head trying to regain his senses. He sees the other door with broken glass, goes through it, and runs for the escalator.

5:25 am – At the top of the escalator, Jack stops to listen. At first he doesn’t hear anything. Then, off in the distance, he can hear some carnival music start up. He goes running towards the music. He runs through some doors and sees that the Marwans are on a giant Ferris wheel nearly at the top. He runs over to the controls of the machine and shoots it, leaving the Marwans stranded at the top.

5:26 am – Jack uses the JackPhone to tell Curtis where to meet him. Jack hears a noise, and looks up. It’s a helicopter, heading straight for the Marwans! A rope ladder rolls out, and both of the brothers climb onto the rope. Jack tries to shoot them but amazingly misses. He tries to shoot the helicopter and misses. He looks at the gun, points it at a nearby flower pot and shoots. It shatters. Reassured that the gun is actually working, and tries to take aim at the helicopter, which is already out of range. As the helicopter flies away, Marwan waves at Jack.

Commercial

5:31 am – Jack phones Chloe to see if she can spot where the Marwans are headed next. Chloe tells him that they’ve hooked into Chicago’s police dispatch and there’s some sort of commotion going on near Wabash and Ohio, which is only a few blocks away. He tells her to try and find the helicopter that just left Navy Pier.

5:32 am – Outside of Navy Pier, a traffic control officer is writing a ticket for the car that the Marwans stole from Jack and Curtis. Jack and Curtis run out of the building and see the officer. Jack points up in the sky, and yells, “Look! A turtle!” The officer looks up. Jack and Curtis jump in the car, throw it into reverse, and drive off before the officer can turn around to see what happened.

5:33 am – Jack drives down Grand Ave, turning sharply on Wabash. On the corner is Pizzeria Uno, which already has people lined up outside of it, even at this hour. As Jack gets out of the car, a restaurant employee tells Jack that he can order his pizza now, and it’ll be ready by the time they get inside. Jack ignores this, and asks Curtis what he thinks they should do. Curtis says that he’d order the mushroom and green pepper pizza. Suddenly there’s a loud crash just north of where they are standing.

5:35 am – Jack and Curtis run up the block and see RoboEdgar outside of Pizzeria Due. RoboEdgar is standing in front of a man with a hot dog cart. RoboEdgar looks really mad. Jack gets between the man and RoboEdgar and asks what’s happening. The man looks extremely mad and says, “This moron wants KETCHUP on his hot dog! There’s a lot of things I’ll do. I’d shovel snow in my underwear. I’d roller skate down Lake Ave. I’d even swim in Lake Michigan. But I will NOT serve KETCHUP on a hot dog!” Jack finally placates the hot dog guy by buying 50 hot dogs, “all the way”. Curtis mumbles something about it being a little weird that hot dog vendors are out at this time in the morning.

5:37 am – Back at CTU, Chloe has calculated the flight path of the helicopter that left Navy Pier. Suddenly the monitor she’s viewing scrambles. She looks up and all the other monitors in CTU are scrambled too. Bill comes out of his office. He asks everyone who’s been doing pier-to-pier downloads again. Chloe yells up to him that she thinks that they’ve gotten some kind of virus in their system, and it’s shutting all the machines down. She tells him to call Jack to let him know that as best as she can tell, the Marwans are headed to Washington, DC. She tells Bill that she has to get to a working computer to help Jack, and that he better warn the White House.

5:39 am – Chloe runs out of the building, throws a pop can into the “Mrs. Fusion (Slogan: “It kicks Mr. Fusion’s butt”), jumps into her car, and drives away.

5:41 am – Curtis looks like he’s going to be sick. The hot dog guy says he’s never seen anything like it. RoboEdgar is has just finished off his 50th hot dog. Jack says that they need to get going to Washington, DC right away.

Commercial

5:46 am – There’s a large canvas covering the entire Lincoln Memorial. The canvas has a sign on it that says, “Renovation sponsored by The Hokey Pokey Toilet Company”. We hear hammering and banging, but can’t see what exactly is happening at the Memorial. It suddenly stops, and we hear screams from inside the work area, and Julian comes racing out.

5:47 am – A streak like a shooting star races across the sky right over the Memorial headed right for the Washington Monument. We can faintly hear two men screaming as the streak passes by.

5:48 am – The streak is on a collision course with the Washington Monument, but at the last moment, we see an arm reach out and grab the tip of the Monument. The streak turns around the top of the Monument several times, and finally stops. It’s Jack, Curtis and RoboEdgar. Jack tells Curtis, “Remind me to NEVER hitch a ride with RoboEdgar right after he eats”.

5:49 am – Julian continues to run from the Memorial as if he’s seen a ghost. He pulls out his cell phone and makes a call as he runs. He’s headed heading straight for the Washington Monument.

5:50 am – RoboEdgar takes them safely to the base of the Monument, and Jack tells Curtis to get rid of the Egyptian disguise. Curtis starts to do so. Jack tries to take off the fake beard he’s been wearing since they were at the museum, but it’s really glued on tightly, and he can’t remove it. He tells Jack, “You’ll just have to leave it that way until we have time to take it off properly”. Jack tells Curtis that he does NOT like looking like Grizzly Adams, and continues to try and remove the beard.

5:52 am – Elsewhere in Washington, a limousine stops in a parking lot. Two large men get out of the car. They go to the back of the car, open the trunk, and pull Manilow out of the back. They take him back to the car, and throw him inside. For the first time, we see that Hollywood and Janosz are the people that grabbed Manilow off the street in Las Vegas. Hollywood is speaking on the phone, and tells the person on the other end of the line, “Just take care of it!”

Hollywood turns to Manilow and says, “I want you to cooperate with us. If you don’t, you’re going to get hurt”. Manilow nods, and asks what he has to do.

5:54 am – Hollywood says, “We need someone on the inside of the White House, now that you’re gone. The Marwans are working on their part of the plan, but if it fails, we need someone on the inside to help cover things up.” Manilow says, “I’m the right person for the job! I remember where nearly everything is in the White House. I lived there before, you know”. Hollywood says, “Don’t be stupid. I’m talking about Janosz here. I need to get him a job inside the White House as some sort of security consultant. The news of your part in what happened with the Russian President yesterday hasn’t reached all of the security personnel yet, so you’ll be able to bring Janosz into the White House. He’ll take it from there.”

5:56 am – Manilow says, “They’ll never believe that he’s not a spy! I mean, listen to him talk! He’s got outrageous French…er, Portuguese, er, Arme…uh, whatever that accent is, it’s not going to work.” Hollywood says, “Then you’ll have to figure something out, because you need to get him into the White House.”

5:58 am – Manilow and Janosz are pushed from the limousine just outside the White House. Manilow tells Janosz, “Follow me”, as they walk towards the guard house.

5:59 am – Jack’s JackPhone rings. It’s Chloe. She says, “Jack! A virus hit the computers at CTU! I can’t do any of my surveillance from there. I had to drive home to get onto the public Internet to see what I could find to help you. I’ve found a website that might help us catch the Marwans!”

6:00 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: THE FINAL EPISODE OF “24 – THE NEXT DAY!”

24 – The Next Day: 4 am to 5 am

Last time: Fortunately, Jack failed falling into Niagara Falls. Manilow believed bride brought bail; she bailed. Curtis car cruised, carefully crossing Canada. Maniac Marwans make mucus mortar: Lincoln’s loogie likely – TNT Toilet!

The following occurred between 4 am and 5 am – Time to make the donuts.

4:00 am – The toilet, which is hanging out of Lincoln’s nose by a prima cord like a giant booger, continues to descend. Jack tells Curtis that unless they can stop the Marwan Brothers, Lincoln and the rest of the presidents on Mount Rushmore are going to have their faces blown off the mountain. Jack hops the fence and runs towards the monument, telling Curtis, “If you have a clear shot at the guys in Lincoln’s nose, shoot them!” Curtis says to himself, “That is not a sentence I expected to hear today”.

4:01 am – Jack gets a few hundred feet away from the monument when machine gun fire erupts from the top of Washington’s head. Jack dives for cover and yells to Curtis to cover him. Jack waits for the Curtis to start shooting, but nothing happens. He looks over and sees Curtis desperately looking for his gun. Jack waits and makes a mad dash for a boulder nearly beneath Lincoln’s nose. Jack takes careful aim and shoots. The thug lowering the toilet is hit, and he falls from Lincoln’s nose. It’s about this time that Jack realizes that his expert aim has taken out the bad guy, but he forgot to completely think this through since the explosive laden toilet is now falling towards the ground, and will impact very close to him.

4:02 am – Jack starts shooting. A bullet hits the toilet in midair and it explodes. Jack dives for cover while pieces of toilet fall around him. Marwan yells that Jack looks a little flushed, laughs, and disappears over the top of Washington’s head.

4:03 am – Somewhere outside of Las Vegas, the limousine that took ex-President Manilow stops by the side of the road. We can hear a loud whining noise, which turns out to be Manilow. Two men dressed in black suits get out with Manilow, and they move to the back of the car. They open the trunk and shove him inside. We continue to hear muffled whining noises from Manilow as the two men take out the earplugs they were wearing. One of them looks at the other and says, “I don’t think that guy is ever going to shut up”. Someone inside the limo tells them to hurry up, which they do. The limo drives off.

4:06 am – Jack has walked back to where Curtis and RoboEdgar are standing, and Curtis gives Jack a weak smile. Jack asks why Curtis didn’t shoot, and Curtis explains that he must have left his gun in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile back at the Grand Canyon. Curtis turns and says, “RoboEdgar, I left my gun in the Wienermobile. I want you to go get it, and bring it to me”. RoboEdgar salutes Curtis, and blasts off.

Commercial

4:12 am – Jack and Curtis arrive at their car in the parking lot. Curtis is just about to open the door to the car when Jack tells him to stop. Jack tells Curtis that he thinks the car is booby trapped. Curtis asks Jack why he thinks that. Jack says, “Number one, we’ve been away from our car for a while. Number two, the Marwans have been trying to kill me all day now. Number three, the entire passenger seat is filled with explosives.

4:14 am – The Marwan brothers are driving down the road. They’re alone in the car; all the thugs are gone. Marwan is laughing manically. He stops, reads a little more out of the book he’s holding (“How to Laugh Like a Criminal Mastermind”), and tries to laugh again. Julian interrupts him and reminds Marwan that there isn’t another Thugmart within a thousand miles of here, and that it’s going to be impossible to get more thugs before daybreak.

4:16 am – Jack is on the JackPhone using the speaker phone feature with Chloe, trying to figure out what to do next. Curtis writes notes about what Chloe is saying. Curtis drops his pen, and when he bends down to retrieve it, he finds something lying on the ground beneath the car. Curtis tells Jack that he thinks he found a clue. Jack asks how he knows it’s a clue, and Curtis holds up a box for the game Clue. Jack says that the Marwans are nothing if not subtle. They carefully open the box, and find a map sitting inside. It’s got the Indianapolis Motor Speedway circled.

4:18 am – Curtis says, “Well, that’s great. We know where they’re probably headed, but we have no way of getting there.” Jack agrees, and asks Chloe for her advice. Chloe says that Jack should do what he always does. Jack looks at Curtis, and Curtis says, “She’s right, Jack.” Jack shrugs, pulls out his gun and shoots the car in the approximate area where its thigh would be, if cars actually had thighs, and then says that he’s not sure how that will help.

4:20 am – Jack decides that the best thing they can do at this point is go to the main road and try to flag down a passing motorist. Curtis starts to say something about not having a flag, but thinks better of it when he realizes what kind of mood that Jack is in at the moment.

4:22 am – A semi driving down the road stops when Jack and Curtis wave it down. The passenger side opens up, and they’re surprised to find a large orangutan sitting there grinning at them. The driver says, “Oh, don’t mind Clyde. He won’t hurt you.” Jack and Curtis look at each other and tell the driver that they made a mistake. The driver says, “Suit yourself”, the orangutan shuts the door, and the truck drives off.

4:24 am – As luck would have it, the very next truck that passes by stops too. Jack and Curtis go to the passenger side, and when the door opens, a chimpanzee is sitting there. Jack and Curtis look exasperated. The driver says, “Oh, don’t mind Bear. He won’t hurt you.” Curtis says, “What is it with truckers and monkeys tonight?”, and looks at Jack. Jack says, “I think we should take it. I don’t even want to know what’s going to be in the next truck.” The driver introduces himself as Billy Joe McKay. Jack tells Billy Joe that they’re from CTU, and that he’d appreciate it if they could get to Indianapolis as soon as possible. Jack says that he’d like to see about “Curtis-izing” the engine.

Commercial

4:31 am – In what seems like no time at all, we see the same truck barreling down 16th Street in Indianapolis. It pulls into the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. They drive over to the pit area where the pit crews are preparing stock car time trials later that day. The truck pulls to a stop, and immediately a pit crew comes out of no where and starts jacking up the cab of the truck so that all the tires can be pulled off. Suddenly endorsement stickers are plastered all over the windshield of the truck, and they can’t see through the windows anymore.

4:33 am – Billy Joe gets out of the truck, and is immediately surrounded by a group of people who put endorsement stickers all over him too. Jack rolls down the window of the truck, shoots his gun off into the air, and yells, “STOP!”. The pit crew and guys with the endorsement stickers all apologize and tell Jack that they’re sorry, but it’s just force of habit.

4:34 am – Jack uses the Jack phone to tell Chloe to upload a picture of the Marwan brothers to his JackPhone. Jack shows everyone the picture of Marwan and his brother, and asks if anyone has seen them. They all stare at the picture. Jack tells them that these two are international terrorists, and need to be found immediately. One of the crew guys pipes up and asks Jack why two little boys would be considered terrorists. Jack looks at the picture he’s been showing, and it’s shows the Marwans as children at the beach standing next to a sandcastle with lit dynamite stuffed into its sides, and the caption “Good Times. Good Times.” Curtis takes one look at the picture and tells Jack, “If you think I’m going to do a Jimmy Walker impression right now, you’re crazy”.

4:36 am – As they’re standing there, a car goes zooming past them on the track. One of the crew guys says that car isn’t supposed to be out on the track this early. Jack looks at the car with his binoculars, and sees that the car is covered with Hokey Pokey Toilet Company endorsement stickers. The car circles around and enters pit row. Instead of slowing down to stop, it shifts into high gear and heads straight for them.

4:37 am – Curtis yells, “Run for cover!” and most of the pit crew immediately dive over a wall next to them. Jack says, “Not this time” and steps out onto the pit roadway right into the path of the car. The car adjusts to drive right to where Jack is standing. Jack pulls out his gun and shoots the driver side window three times, but the car keeps coming.

4:38 am – Jack gives a surprised look to his gun for a split second, and then dives out of the way just as the car passes. The car skids sideways as it slams on its breaks, attempting to turn back around to take another run at Jack. Jack shoots twice. One of the bullets hits the car in the gas tank. The car blows up in spectacular explosion, sending metal and endorsement stickers all over the track. One of the stickers hits Curtis smack in the mouth and he falls over backwards from the force of it.

4:39 am – Marwan, still in another car with Julian, slams his fist into the screen of the remote control device he’s holding, and yells a word too naughty to be printed on this portion of the Internet. Julian tells him to never mind Jack Bauer, since they still have to find the secret formula that will help Marwan stop from becoming a zombie.

4:41 am – Curtis attempts to pull the sticker off his face while Jack goes to see if everyone is all right. Curtis tries to yell something, but it’s muffled because of the sticker on his mouth. Jack says, “Cleaner?” Curtis shakes his head and points to the sky. Jack looks and sees what looks like a blimp off in the distance, some miles north of them. Jack stares for a moment and says, “That’s the weirdest looking blimp I’ve ever seen…” Billy Joe says, “If I didn’t know better, I would say that’s the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile!” Jack and Curtis’s eyes go wide. At that moment, the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile tilts in an odd way, and suddenly plummets to the ground. Curtis says, “Oh no! He dropped it!”

4:43 am – Jack asks one of the pit crew guys to borrow one of the stock cars. The pit crew guy points at a car in the far end of the pit, and says, “Take that one. No one ever wants to use that one.” Jack and Curtis run for the car.

4:44 am – The camera pans to the streets of Indianapolis which are relatively quiet at this time in the morning. Suddenly there’s a loud engine revving noise, and a pink Mary Kay Cosmetics stock car comes zooming out of the Speedway, headed back down 16th street to the highway.

Commercial

4:47 am – Chloe is on the phone with Jack. She tells him that Curtis should take the next exit, because that’s where RoboEdgar’s signal is coming from. Jack asks where they are, and Chloe tells them they’re in a town called “Fishers”. Curtis drives through a neighborhood to some homes in the back, where they find the Wienermobile has landed in the front yard of a house. RoboEdgar is standing in front of the house with the home’s owner, John, along with many other people in the cul-de-sac where the Wienermobile landed. Curtis asks Edgar, “Why didn’t you just get my gun like I asked?” Jack puts his hand on Curtis’s shoulder, and says, “You said, ‘RoboEdgar, I left my gun in the Wienermobile. I want you to go get it, and bring it to me’, and that’s exactly what he tried to do.” Curtis smacks himself on the forehead, and tells himself to be more specific next time. As Curtis retrieves his gun, Jack goes to John and tells him that if he ever wondered what happened to the Wienermobile, now he has one of his very own.

4:49 am – A loud scream comes out of the speaker on Jack’s phone, which startles Jack. It’s Chloe. She says, “I hate it when you stop talking to me right in the middle of a conversation. She says, “They’re headed for Chicago for the Field Museum.” Jack tells Curtis this and tells RoboEdgar to follow them.

4:50 am – While they’re headed to Chicago, Jack looks out his window for RoboEdgar to make sure he’s still following them, but Jack doesn’t see him. RoboEdgar has disappeared again.

4:52 am – Curtis’ amazing driving powers are once again in effect, and they arrive in Chicago despite having to drive the Indiana Toll Road and its construction. However, despite having made such great time getting there, Jack and Curtis are now stopped on the highway in Chicago. Curtis starts to freak out a little bit about being stopped on the highway. Jack tries to calm him down. Jack tells Curtis that this is the “traffic jam” that he talked about before. Curtis stammers that he thought Jack was just making that up as a scary story, and asks for it to just go away. Jack tells him that there’s nothing he can do about it.

4:55 am – Suddenly, we hear a loud crash behind the car. Jack looks back, and sees RoboEdgar, who appears to have stopped by a White Castle on this way to Chicago, because he’s holding about fifty of White Castle Hamburgers with one of his arms. RoboEdgar waves at Jack.

4:57 am – Curtis is still shaking as Jack tells RoboEdgar to get them all to the Field Museum. RoboEdgar reaches down, lifts the car up with one hand and deftly balancing the White Castle hamburgers in the other, takes off towards the museum. Curtis looks genuinely relieved.

4:58 am – They land on the front steps of the Field Museum, and a traffic officer is already there writing a ticket for the Marwan Brother’s car, which is next to the front steps. The Marwans are nowhere to be seen. The officer warns them not to park there, and Jack flashes his badge as he heads for the museum entrance.

4:59 am – Standing outside of the museum looking in, Jack sees the Marwans inside, running towards the back of the museum. They disappear around a corner.

5:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – The Next Day 3 am to 4 am

Last time: Curtis and Jack arrived at the Grand Canyon via the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile just in time to find an explosive-packed toilet in the middle of the tarp that covers the Grand Canyon at night. Ex-President Manilow tried to avoid being confronted by the police at a crime scene, by stealing the headdress of a dancer in Las Vegas. Bill came back to CTU, re-re-re-replacing Madam Haig. Chloe discovered that the Marwans are using the Hokey Pokey toilet company to try to cause riots throughout the nation by installing lo-lo flow toilets at historic monuments and other places where large groups of people gather. Jack and Curtis follow the Marwan brothers to Niagara Falls. The Marwans planned on causing great damage to the falls by setting off a series of explosive charges, but were interrupted by Jack. Jack in turn was interrupted from remaining steady on the wires he was standing on. Marwan has just cut the second wire, which Jack and two of the thugs, who are carrying a toilet packed with explosives, have been hanging onto.

The following occurred between 3 am and 4 am, and is brought to you buy the letters “A”, “E”, “I”, “O”, “U”, and sometimes “Y”.

3:00 am – For the first half of a split second, it occurs to Jack that he really needs to watch more Looney Tunes cartoons, because being able to defy gravity after that rope was cut would come in really handy right about now. The rest of the split second is completely full of Jack thinking a really dirty word as he and the thugs, plus the toilet, fall into the water. The water and Jack are rapidly (no pun intended) headed for the waterfall itself. Marwan laughs as he disappears into the night on the other side of the falls.

Curtis sees Jack fall into the water and tells RoboEdgar to get into the water. RoboEdgar says, “No tanks; Edgar had baff dis week.” Curtis tells him that he meant go get Jack out of the water.

3:01 am – Jack has somehow held onto the wire that was over his head and is trying to pull himself along the wire to safety. The two thugs that were carrying the explosive laden toilet are headed to the edge. Jack struggles with the wire, pausing to try and catch is breath. Suddenly, the wire gives a violent tug and begins rapidly heading for shore. A large explosion goes off sending water high into the sky as the explosive laden toilet hits the rocks near the edge of the falls.

3:02 am – RoboEdgar has attached the end of the wire to a spool that is attached to his forearm and is reeling in Jack. Jack makes it to shore and lets go of the wire. His hands are covered with blood and he has cuts where he was holding on to the wire.

3:03 am – Julian, Marwan, and the remaining thugs are running through the woods trying to make it back to the car they have there. The car is parked right next to a large truck labeled “Hokey Pokey Toilet Company”. The slogan underneath says, “Yes, it really is what it’s all about.” They pile into the car and drive off.

3:05 am – Ex-President Manilow, in full dancer head dress, sits inside a jail cell in Los Vegas. His escape attempt at the site of the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile theft was about as opposite of successful as he could have hoped. The other prisoners in the cell are all packed tightly into the opposite corner, trying to avoid eye contact with Manilow.

Outside of the police station where Manilow is being held, some of Manilow’s followers holding signs and chanting. After a few minutes of confusion when they were chanting for his execution, they realize their mistake and start chanting for his release.

Commercial

3:12 am – Curtis is bandaging Jack’s hands using a handy first aid kit that RoboEdgar produced from his other forearm. Curtis tells Jack that he really likes his jack knife, which almost makes Jack slug Curtis until he realizes he wasn’t talking about the dive into the water, but the knife that Jack is carrying. Curtis borrows it and cuts the gauze to finish bandaging Jack’s hand.

Jack tells Curtis they need to get onto the Marwan brothers trail again as soon as possible. Curtis looks hesitant about taking another flight via RoboEdgar, but Jack tells him that it’s either that or they can swim across the water. Curtis decides the flight won’t be that bad.

3:14 am – Julian and Marwan are driving at high speed down a rural highway. They pass a sign that says, “Speed limit is like 100 kph, eh?” Marwan asks his brother about the “cure” that he mentioned before. Julian tells him that they’ll get to that soon enough. Marwan turns to the two thugs in the back seat, and leers at them. The thugs start shaking uncontrollably.

3:16 am – The guard at the jail says, “Manilow, you have a visitor”. It’s his wife Martha with several Secret Service agents. She tells him, “Well, well… How the mighty have fallen!” He tries to lunge at her through the bars, but the chin strap on the headdress slips and starts to choke him.

He decides to change tactics, and says, “Martha, won’t you be a dear and pay my bail money? I don’t have the dough to pay them. If you don’t have it, you might be able to use your female persuasiveness on them.” One of Manilow’s cellmates pipes up and says, “Dough? From a dear? A female dear”? The rest the guys in the cell sing, “Ray – a drop of golden sun!” Manilow turns and tells them to shut up. When he turns back, Martha tells him, “You got into this mess — you get yourself out of it.” She leaves.

3:18 am – Curtis, Jack and RoboEdgar are running through the forest in the general direction that the Marwans went. Jack’s JackPhone starts to gurgle, and Jack realizes that he’s got an incoming phone call. He shakes the phone several times to get the excess water out of it, and surprisingly, it still works. It’s Chloe. Jack explains the situation to her, and that they’re now in Canada chasing after the Marwans. Chloe tells Jack that they better get out of Canada soon, because if they’re caught, the US government will have a hard time explaining what they’re doing up there.

3:20 – The group runs into a clearing, and they see the abandoned Hokey Pokey Toilet Company truck. Next to it, there are two guys having a beer, pointing out features on the truck. One of them turns and says, “How’s it going, eh?” Jack pulls his gun out and tells them to get down on the ground. The other guy punches the first and says, “I told you we shouldn’t have look at this thing here! You hoser! We could be back at camp drinking a beer, eh?” They completely ignore Jack as they argue with each other. Jack figures that they must not be with the Marwans, so he lowers his gun.

3:22 am – The two guys introduce themselves as brothers Bob and Doug. Jack asks if they saw anyone else come through the area. Doug tells him that a bunch of guys came through, and he heard them say they were going to head to Saskatchewan and then take a left. Curtis comes back around from the other side of the truck and says that it’s empty, but he has RoboEdgar loaded up in back since he’s really filthy. Jack thanks the brothers, and they drive off in the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company truck.

3:24 am – A cell phone on the dash board of the Marwan brother’s car rings, and Marwan picks it up. It’s the Hollywood-Looking Terrorist Guy (HLTG). HLTG starts yelling at Marwan for diverting from the plan. Marwan waits until HLTG is finished, and then tells him that after he’s done with Jack Bauer, he’ll be out to find HLTG for botching up bring him back from the dead. HLTG hurriedly hangs up the phone.

3:26 am – Marwans drive over the word “Canada”, a white line, and then the words “United States”. They pass a sign with the words “Welcome to North Dakota” written on it.

Commercial

3:32 am – Jack and Curtis are stopped at a border check point. A customs officer says she is very surprised to see that they’re not carrying illegal toilets, but that they do have a very messy RoboEdgar in the back of the truck. Curtis says that they should have had RoboEdgar fly the Wienermobile with them, because it would have been a lot easier to get through the border crossing.

RoboEdgar wanders over the border and back again while he’s waiting for them to finish. The customs officer asks that he not do that. She asks for Jack’s license and registration, and Jack flashes his CTU badge. RoboEdgar wanders over the border and back again. She pulls a gun on RoboEdgar who seems completely oblivious to it. She yells to Jack that RoboEdgar has to stop that. Jack yells back to ask why she pulled a gun, and she tells him that they are required to pull guns on dirty double crossers.

3:35 am – The Marwans drive further south into North Dakota, and one of the thugs asks why there’s a “North Dakota” and “South Dakota” but no “North Minnesota” and “South Minnesota”. Another thug punches him in the arm and tells him not to upset Marwan.

3:37 am – Curtis and Jack finally straighten everything out with the customs agents, and are allowed to enter the United States with RoboEdgar. They finally convinced the customs agents by telling them the amount of beer RoboEdgar could consume, and doing a quick back-of-the-envelope calculation about how long it would take for Canada to run out of beer.

3:40 am – A police officer comes up to Manilow’s cell and tells him that he’s finally free to go. Manilow tries to walk out of the cell but forgets to turn his head; the headdress gets caught on the bars on either side of the doorway, and he lands flat on the ground.

The police officer helps him up. Manilow takes off the headdress as he’s leaving the building and walks up to a limousine that he assumes is for him. A window rolls down. Manilow looks in, says, “YOU!” and before he knows it he’s pulled through the window and into the limo. The limo’s tires squeal as it drives off.

3:44 am – Chloe calls Jack and tells him that she has more information about the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company. From what she’s been able to tell, it’s a subsidiary of the “Bada Bing Fireworks Conglomerate”. She tells Jack that the head of that company is none other than Bada Bing KaChing, the guy they saw in San Francisco. She says that CTU is still looking for him, and that besides the whole lo-lo toilet scam, they’re apparently trying to booby trap the tourist sites to cause a lot of damage and casualties. That was probably why the Marwans attempted a nuclear weapon detonation at The Herald Hunt earlier that day, and the attempts at the Grand Canyon, and Niagara Falls.

3:46 am – Just as the Marwans pass into South Dakota, Marwan tells Julian to pull the car over because he wants to try something. The thugs in the back seat get really wide-eyed and look worried. Marwan gets out of the car, and crosses over into a field where there are a bunch of cows just standing there. He pushes really hard on one and it falls over. He turns and yells back to Julian, “Did you see that? I’ve always wanted to try that!” The cow stands up and snorts. Marwan looks at the cow, and realizes it’s not a cow at all – it’s a bull! He runs for the car and barely gets inside as the bull smashes against the car. Julian is able to pull away from the curb and tells Marwan not to try something like that again.

Commercial

3:53 am – Julian and Marwan are talking. Marwan says, “So you’re honestly telling me, they have perfectly good mountains in this country, and they’re carving into them? They not only carving into them, but putting giant faces on them? What kind of a crazy country is this?” Julian says that they’ve arrived, and they need to hurry up. Everyone gets out of the car and they start running up a path to the mountain.

3:55 am – Through Curtis’ amazing driving skills, the truck arrives just moments after the Marwans and the thugs disappear up the path. They all get out to look around, but don’t see anything except the car the Marwans left behind.

3:57 am – Curtis tells Jack that they’re going to need to find some lights to see what they’re doing. They go over to a building. The door is locked, so Jack kicks the door in. They go further inside and find an electrical panel. They throw the switch, and lights go on outside. They’re at Mount Rushmore.

3:59 am – “It’s very quiet. Almost TOO quiet”, says Curtis. Jack tells him to shut up and listen. They hear a noise. They look around. Jack scans everything with his Jack Binoculars. Curtis yells, “Oh, yuck!” Lincoln has a booger hanging out his nose! Jack zooms in on Lincoln’s noise with the Jack Binoculars. He says, “That’s no booger! That’s toilet hanging from explosive detonation cord!”

4:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – The Next Day 2 am to 3 am

Last time: RoboEdgar came in for a landing at Area 51, where Jack and Curtis met a mysterious guy named Fox. Fox flew them to Las Vegas, where they searched for sign of the Marwans. Ex-president Manilow went to Las Vegas to escape from his troubles in LA, just in time to get punched in the nose by Barry Manilow. Chloe told Jack and Curtis that the Marwans might have headed up to the Grand Canyon. Jack and Curtis “borrowed” the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile to get there, since they didn’t have a working car of their own.

And…. What about Naomi?

The following occurred between 2 am and 3 am, and that’s our story, so we’re sticking to it.

2:00 am – Curtis and Jack are clearly having a good time freaking out people that are driving down the highway. Curtis making siren noises using the loud speaker, and Jack snaps pictures using the camera in the Jackphone as people pull over. Jack tells Curtis he’s going to make a collage of all the pictures for his office at CTU when this is all over. They both decide that they better concentrate on getting to the Grand Canyon after they nearly destroy a bridge they only barely pass under.

2:02 am – Marwan, Julian and the remaining thugs have unpacked the car, and the thugs are carrying a large metal box as they make their way through the forest. They sneak up to a security station at the entrance of the park and find a sleeping guard in the booth. Marwan can’t resist writing “Ask me about my nap” on the guard’s forehead. They make their way past the security station and go further into the park.

2:04 am – Chloe gets a phone call from the guards at the front entrance of CTU, and they ask her to sign someone in. Chloe asks why they’re calling her, and they tell her that she’s the closest thing to someone in charge at this time of night.

2:06 am – Manilow, still staggering around after getting punched in the nose, wanders out of the hotel and onto the Las Vegas strip. A bunch of people are in the parking lot and there are several police cars there. Manilow sees the police and starts to head in the other direction when one of the officers flags him down. One of the midnight shows at the hotel is just letting out now, and the parking lot is getting a lot more crowded. Even the band and some of the showgirls come outside to see what’s going on.

Commercial

2:11 am – Jack calls Chloe to find out if she has any additional information. She tells him that Bill is back and he’s taking over for Madam Haig again. Chloe also tells him that she has some infrared satellite imagery that shows there is some activity around the Grand Canyon. She tells them it’s going to be a little tough for them to see what’s going on because there are so few lights around the Grand Canyon at night.

2:12 am – Chloe hands the phone to Bill, who asks Jack why they haven’t arrived at the Grand Canyon yet, since Curtis is usually such a fast driver. Jack decides not to tell Bill about their escapades on the highway, says that the connection is breaking up and hangs up.

2:14 am – The Marwan brothers direct some of thugs to move the box they’re carrying into the center of a large, flat, open area, while several others remain behind. It’s very dark, so we can only see the outlines. Julian walks up to one of the thuggish outlines and explains in great detail how he wants them to go man a helicopter that supposed to be nearby. Marwan calls his brother over and points out that Julian has spent the last several minutes talking to a tree.

2:16 am – The police question Manilow, who seems none too happy to be there. One of the people in the parking lot finds something on the ground. Manilow sees his chance. He sneaks up behind one of the showgirls, pulls off her headdress and puts it on himself. The cap slips over his eyes and he slowly starts trying to move away from the scene, thinking that he has the perfect disguise.

2:18 am – Jack and Curtis arrive at the guard station, just as the guard wakes up. Jack asks about the unique tattoo on the guard’s forehead, but the guard has no idea what he’s talking about. In fact, he seems really determined to let Jack and Curtis know, in no uncertain terms, that the Grand Canyon Park is closed, trying to act really intimidating. During this fit of security guard machoness, Jack flashes his CTU badge, pulls out his gun, and tells the guard that the park just re-opened. The guard quickly agrees. They take the guard with them as they enter the park.

2:20 am – Jack and Curtis make their way through the park’s pathways. They look around and don’t see anything unusual. They pass by a visitor station which is under construction except for the bathrooms, which are open. Curtis excuses himself, and goes in. About three seconds later, we hear Curtis yell. He’s completely disgusted to find out the toilets are the 0.8 gallon models.

2:21 am – Jack’s phone rings. It’s Chloe. She said that RoboEdgar should be nearby, because they just received a message from one of the Department of Natural Resources rangers that a giant robot just attacked a campsite, but took nothing but ‘Smores.

Jack says that doesn’t really help him find out where the Marwan brothers are. Chloe tells him that if he would have let her finish, she would have been able to tell him that they just got a series of demands from the Marwans. Jack says go ahead and finish, so Chloe tells him, “OK, that’s better. We just got a series of demands from the Marwans”. From the look on Chloe’s face, if Jack had been there, she would have tasered him.

2:22 am – Jack is still trying to talk to Chloe when there’s a very loud noise, and RoboEdgar drops in for a landing. Jack asks RoboEdgar, “Have you seen the Marwans? Go find the Marwans!” Chloe tells Jack, “Why don’t you ask him if they fell down a well so you can follow him? He’s not Lassie, Jack!” RoboEdgar finishes the last of a ‘Smore and shrugs his shoulders.

2:23 am – Jack asks what the demands are, and Chloe says, “They want you to go out to a large box they have out there. It’s supposed to have further instructions.” Jack asks how they got the message to CTU, and Chloe said that they had rigged some sort of advertisement to pop up on her screen while she was surfing the public internet for information about how everything is connected. She said that she had to close the window about 57 times for it to finally go away.

2:24 am – The group makes their way to the end of the pathway they were standing on. There’s an eerie silence, and in the distance they can see a plain box in the middle of a field. Jack says that there’s something weird going on, and Curtis asks him yet again if he’s been paying any attention at all to what’s been happening during this whole day. Jack says, “That’s not what I mean….. Isn’t this supposed to be a lookout point for the Grand Canyon? Where did the canyon go??”

2:26 am – The guard that’s with them looks at them like they’re morons. The guard tells them that they cover the Grand Canyon up at night so that it doesn’t get dirty. The flat field they’ve been looking at is actually a giant tarp that’s stretched over the canyon, and that box is sitting out in the middle of it. Jack tells RoboEdgar to stay with the guard, and turns on a portable flashlight. Jack and Curtis start to make their way to the box in the distance.

Commercial

2:32 am – Jack and Curtis are pretty close to the box now, so Jack’s pulled out his JackPhone, presses a few buttons and waves it towards the box. He tells Curtis that there aren’t and radiation readings coming from the box, so they’re safe. Curtis tells Jack that they’re standing in the middle of a tarp stretched over the Grand Canyon, and that this must be some strange definition of the word “safe” that he wasn’t previously aware of. Jack tells Curtis he’s been reading too much “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and asks him to help open the box.

2:33 am – They lift the lid off the wooden crate after a bit of trouble, and discover a 0.8 gallon toilet inside the box, and recoil in horror. There’s a note inside that says, “Goodbye, Mr. Bauer”. Curtis asks what that noise is, and Jack realizes that while they’re completely safe from any sort of radiation poisoning, they’re distinctly unsafe from the large amount of explosives packed around the toilet in the box.

2:34 am – Jack and Curtis start to make a run for the edge of the canyon, and a Black Bad-Guy Helicopter comes out of nowhere, shining a light right at Jack and Curtis. It starts shooting its guns and either through luck or incredibly bad aim, the bullets aren’t coming anywhere near them. Curtis starts to laugh and tells Jack that the pilots need some remedial “Bad Guy on the Shooting Range” time, and Jack says that they’re not trying to shoot at them – they’re shooting that the toilet packed with explosives.

Jack pulls out his gun and starts shooting at the guy manning the machine gun on the helicopter. The guy gets hit in the shoulder, and falls out of the helicopter. He hits the tarp, and bounces back up again. Curtis says, “Lucky for him that tarp is springy”. The guy flies all the way back up to the helicopter, and right into the blades, cutting him into bad guy cold cuts. Jack tells Curtis that he’s not going to be able to eat at a deli for a while, and Curtis agrees.

2:36 am – Another thug goes to the opposite side of the helicopter to continue to shoot. This guy has a lot better aim. A bullet hits the toilet box that is packed with explosives. It blows up, sending the toilet high into the air, narrowly missing the helicopter. The tarp buckles and begins to fall down into the canyon.

The helicopter circles as the thug at the gun turns his attention to Jack and Curtis, who are now frantically trying to get off the tarp back onto solid ground. The thug gets them in his gun sights. At this moment, gravity rears its ugly head and the previously carefree and airborne toilet decides to come in for a landing, right through the top of the helicopter. The last thing we see before the helicopter explodes is the toilet sitting in the seat that had moments before been occupied by the gunner.

2:38 am – Jack and Curtis just make it to the edge, as the tarp they had just been running on descends into the Grand Canyon, parts of it in flames where the helicopter went down. The guard doesn’t look at all pleased with this situation and asks how in the heck he’s going to explain what happened here. Jack pats him on the shoulder and tells him to tell the truth, because he’s sure that someone will believe him.

2:44 am – Jack calls CTU to tell Bill what happened. Bill asks, “Who is this really?” which makes Jack a bit upset. Bill tells him to calm down, and that it was obviously a trap set by the Marwan brothers, Jack says, “NO! You think?” and rolls his eyes.

2:45 – Bill tells Jack that Chloe has a satellite tracking the Marwans. They’ve gotten a hold of an airplane on the other side of the canyon. Bill says, “Through an amazingly complicated computer algorithm, good old fashioned detective work, and some plain out right lucky guesses, Chloe has determined that they’re headed to another great national treasure, Niagara Falls.” Jack points out that technically Niagara Falls is shared by the United States and Canada, and Bill tells him that he knows that, but that would have ruined his little speech.

2:46 – Chloe presses the speaker button on the CTU phone, and tells Jack that she thinks that she knows what the Marwans are up to. They’re trying to destroy popular places where crowds gather, while at the same time trying to keep people pre-occupied with low-low low-flush toilets. If people are busy trying to flush toilets all the time, and others are standing in line waiting, riots are going to start breaking out all over the country. Everything will go into complete chaos. Chloe says that it sounds every bit as crazy as a Schoenberg concert. Jack says that it doesn’t sound like much of a plan. Chloe adds that in the midst of all this, they’re trying to kill Jack too. Jack says he doesn’t like that plan either.

2:47 – Chloe suggests that RoboEdgar fly Jack and Curtis to Niagara Falls to head off the Marwans. Curtis looks none too pleased by this turn of events, and doesn’t want anything to do with it. Before Curtis realizes what’s happening, RoboEdgar grabs both Jack and Curtis, blasts off and head for Niagara Falls.

Just as they disappear into the night sky, several Department of Natural Resources trucks pull up, some officers get out, and the security guard starts to try to explain everything that just happened.

Commercial

2:51 am – Curtis and Jack arrive at Niagara Falls, in incredibly good time, even for this show. RoboEdgar lands at a railing right near the falls, and nearly slips almost dragging them all in. Jack suggests to RoboEdgar that he get some better shoes. Curtis wonders if they make sneakers that big.

2:52 am – Jack and Curtis look around, trying to figure out what the Marwans are up to. Curtis says it would probably help them a lot if they could find someone to turn off the water to the falls for a while.

There are a lot of lights on turned on, even this early in the morning and it doesn’t take them too long to realize that something is going on at the top of the Falls.

2:54 am – Two groups of thugs are trying to balance on a wire that’s stretched across Niagara Falls. They’re walking on one wire from the opposite side of the Falls while holding on to a wire above them. Each group tries to carry a toilet between them. A toilet that looks very much like the one that Jack and Curtis saw at the Grand Canyon. They’re trying to carry them to hooks in the middle of the bottom wire, just above the rushing water.

Curtis points out that those guys are going to be in a lot of trouble for trying to smuggle a toilet into the country. Jack says that if the bombs explode, it’s going to be really catastrophic for Niagara Falls.

2:56 am – Jack runs to the opposite side, realizes he has to go on the wire because just cutting it will make the bombs drop and will set everything off. Curtis tries to yell for him to stop, but Jack heads out on the wire just as orchestra music wells up very loudly. Curtis turns to tell RoboEdgar to quit messing around with the sound system because today he’s really sick of hearing that happen every time something really dramatic happens.

2:58 am – Jack tries to yell to the thugs that they have to get off the wire right away, but the roar of the water falls is so great that he can’t be heard. Since Jack isn’t carrying anything he makes it to the middle of the line pretty quickly, and looks up to see Marwan with a huge grin on his face, standing at the end of the wire. Marwan waves at Jack, holds up some wire cutters, and cuts the line.

2:59 am – The wire snaps, and two of the thugs immediately go into the water with their toilet. It impacts, and explodes, sending a huge plume of water straight up into the air. The other two thugs, their toilet and Jack are hanging from the top wire. Marwan reaches up, and cuts the top wire.

3:00 am – Time’s up!

24: The Next Day 1am to 2am

Last Time: Julian stopped the zombies by singing songs so bad that the zombies ripped off their own heads. Julian convinced Marwan to leave with him during the middle of a pending attack on Jack on Curtis by saying that he’s looking for a cure for Marwan’s pending zombie-ness. Chloe discovered that RoboEdgar has been having pizza delivered to CTU, and sends him out to help Jack and Curtis. Jack and Curtis head somewhere north of Las Vegas in search of the Marwans, and accidentally end up at Area 51, just in time for the power to all their electrical devices to go out, and a bright white light to shine into their SUV.

The following occurred between 1 am and 2 am – Now, if you’ll pardon me, I have to finish building a tower out of these mashed potatoes.

1:00 am – Blinding white light fills the cab of the SUV. Jack and Curtis smell a strange odor, and hear a loud humming noise. Curtis tells Jack that he thinks this would probably be a good time to freak out, before their faces start to melt and then he looks over at Jack. Jack is simply putting on his sun glasses. The humming gets a lot louder, and Curtis gets a strange look on his face. He says, “Is it my imagination, or is that…” Jack nods.

1:02 am – The humming noise seems to be a tune. Curtis realizes it’s the “Ride of the Valkyries”, and the odor smells like pepperoni pizza with a mix of apple strudel. Jack says, “I hate the smell of pizza in the morning. It smells like…RoboEdgar!”

1:03 am – RoboEdgar lands on the ground, turns down the beacon he was shining into the SUV, and stops humming. He waves at Jack and Curtis, who both get out of the car. Curtis is trying to get his eye to adjust to the darkness. Jack looks at his phone and says that the battery must be dead.

1:05 am – Jack tries to get the phone to work by banging his hand on the side of it. The battery drops out of the phone. RoboEdgar reaches down, grabs the battery, and sticks it into his ear. RoboEdgar’s eyes roll around in is head a few times, a “ding” like a kitchen timer goes off, and he hands the battery back to Jack. Curtis goes to the SUV to try to get it to start. RoboEdgar pulls out a bag of chips, and starts to eat.

1:07 am – Ex-President Manilow is in a tour bus along with his contingent of followers headed down the highway. Manilow reminds the driver of the bus that he wants to take them all to a place that’s low key, subdued, and where he can be well-hidden from everything that’s been going on the last couple of days. The bus driver tells him that he has just the place and not only that, they’ve arrived! They step off the bus in… Las Vegas. Manilow slaps himself in the head, and slides his hand down his face.

Commercial

1:12 am – Somewhere in the desert, Julian, Marwan and the thugs stop at a gas station. It’s closed. Julian and the thugs break into the building and start the gas pumps so they can pump gas. Marwan gets out of the car, says that he wants something to eat, and heads into the building. The thugs see this as their big break, and try and make a run for it. Julian chases after them.

1:14 am – Jack puts the battery back into the phone, and tries to call Chloe. The phone tries to make a connection, but can’t because the reception out here is bad. “You have to have a satellite phone”, says a man in a suit that walks out of the darkness. This surprises Jack so much that he pulls his gun and points it at the man. This surprises RoboEdgar so much that he stops eating. The man doesn’t seem the least bit surprised by seeing RoboEdgar, and ignores Jack’s gun.

1:16 am – The man in the suit introduces himself as “Fox”, and asks if they’re fellow “Aliens are going to take over the world by taking over people injected with black oil”-conspiracy buffs. Jack says they are not. Fox then asks if they’re people that “believe that government has been hiding cars that run on water just to bolster their grip on the nation”-conspiracy buffs.
Jack slowly says, “Nooooo….”, and starts to back away. Fox gets really excited and says, “Are you folks who believe in the world-wide plot to take over the world by squirrels, snakes, and other creatures…..No wait, they’re headquartered in Miami”. He thinks about it, and says, “You’re not the people that believe that by buying baloney we’re going to elect a congress full of Phyllis Diller impersonators are you?”
Jack assures them that they’re not, and Fox says, “Good, because THOSE guys are really nuts”.

1:19 am – All of Manilow’s followers have finally gotten off the bus, and they’re milling around asking each other if this is the “promised land foretold by the great Manilow”. After a couple of minutes of back and forth, they decide that it’s probably just the “kinda-promised land hinted at by the great Manilow”.

1:21 am – Julian has gotten all the thugs back by yelling out lines and scenes from “The Hills Have Eyes”. They’re all walking back to the car, and the thugs are all trying to convince Julian they were just playing around. The group stops when they see Marwan standing by the car, with two Evergreen car air-fresheners hanging from his ears.

1:23 am – Julian speaks slowly, and asks Marwan what he has on his ears. Marwan seems a little out of it, and says that he just wanted to freshen up a little. Julian tells everyone to get back into the car. They drive off. Marwan grabs one of the air fresheners and starts munching on it.

1:25 am – Fox asks Jack what they’re all doing out there. Jack tells him that they’re with CTU, and they’ve been trying to follow terrorists. Jack asks to borrow Fox’s phone, and he makes a phone call to Chloe. He tells her the situation, and she tells him that she’s got a lead that says they need to head to Las Vegas to a plumbing convention. Curtis comes over and says that the SUV won’t start. Fox tells Jack that he can drive them back into town, but that “the robot is going to have to fly”. Curtis starts to ask Fox why he’s not bothered by RoboEdgar, and thinks better of it.

1:27 am – Jack tells Fox that Curtis better drive, because he’s got excellent high-speed driving skills. Fox says, “Trust me, you’ll get there fast”.

Commercial

1:32 am – We see an abandoned factory near the outskirts of Las Vegas. We can tell that because there’s a sign in the parking lot that says, “Abandoned Factory Near the Outskirts of Las Vegas, Inc.”. Suddenly, we hear a loud roar. Wind blows papers in the parking lot everywhere. Out of the sky, we see Fox’s car floating down from above. The base of the car has a ring of lights that strobe on and off.

1:33 am – The car lands, and Fox calmly asks if that was fast enough for them. Jack and Curtis have looks of shear terror on their faces. Fox mumbles to himself that “this always happens”. They start driving in a more conventional manner towards the convention.

1:34 am – Elsewhere in Las Vegas, one of the men with a particularly bad toupee in Manilow’s group starts gushing to Manilow about how he had no idea that Manilow had such great singing capabilities. Manilow looks at him as if he had asked if he could mambo dogface in the banana patch. Realizing Manilow’s confusion, he points up at a sign, and then asks if he can be excused because he really does have to mambo dogface in the banana patch. The sign says, “Tonight Only: MANILOW!”

1:37 am – Fox drives towards town as Curtis and Jack slowly start coming out of their stupors. Fox asks Jack where they need to be heading, and Jack tells him a name of a hotel on the strip. Curtis asks where Fox got a car like this, and Fox tells him he has “some little friends that helped me install the extras”.

1:39 am – Julian finally pulls up to a gate in an area with a forest. The sign says, “Closed”. One of the thugs in the back seat says, “How can a forest be closed?”, and Marwan turns around and shoots him. The other thugs freak out, and jump out of the car. Julian calmly reminds Marwan that if he keeps shooting people, they’re going to run out of thugs again. Marwan mumbles, “Oh yeah…. Less brains…”, but Julian doesn’t hear it.

1:42 am – Ex-President Manilow has finally gotten his group of followers inside of the hotel. He goes to the check-in counter, and asks for his room key, since he was obviously been expected. The clerk appears really confused as he looks up “Manilow”. The clerk’s eyes widen while he reads the screen. He hands Manilow a room key card, apologizes for the inconvenience, and asks for an autograph, which Manilow happily gives.

1:44 am – Manilow opens up his arms wide as he turns to address his followers, but they’ve all run off into the hotel. A little old lady with a bucket of quarters is right near Manilow as he turns, and she kicks him right in the shins. Manilow heads off upstairs to his room.

1:46 am – Fox arrives at the hotel with Curtis and Jack. RoboEdgar hasn’t arrived yet. There are signs for both a plumbing convention and a hot dog convention in the building. Just as the car pulls up to the door, Fox’s phone goes off, playing the music from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”. He answers the phone, listens, and then tells Jack and Curtis that he has to leave now. He has some “visitors” that he has to go meet right away. Jack and Curtis thank Fox, and he drives away. Jack and Curtis enter the building.

Commercial

1:52 am – Manilow makes it upstairs to his floor, and tries to slide the key card in the door, but it doesn’t work. He tries it again, and still doesn’t work. Then he slides it through there about 56 times in a row, and finally the door unlocks from the inside, and someone opens the door. It’s Barry Manilow!

1:53 am – Barry Manilow takes one look at the ex-president and punches him right in the face! Barry says, “You’ve nearly ruined my career!” and punches him again! The ex-president runs down the hallway and into the elevator.

1:54 am – Curtis and Jack flash their badges at the guard outside the booth area of the plumbing convention, and go in. They go to a company listing on the wall, and look up “Hokey Pokey Toilet Company”. They run over to where the booth is, and there’s no evidence that anything has been set up. Jack pulls out his phone, and calls Chloe.

1:55 am – Jack tells Chloe that Hokey Pokey never made it to Las Vegas, and wants to know what to do next. Chloe tells him that while they were en-route to Las Vegas, she was able to find out that the Marwans actually headed to the Grand Canyon. She tells Jack that she told RoboEdgar about this as soon as she found out, and he flew after them. She tells Jack she’s worried about RoboEdgar.

1:56 am – Jack and Curtis race out of the convention area into the lobby, just as the elevators open. Manilow is still holding his face from where he got bopped in the nose when he sees Jack and Curtis in the lobby. He freaks out and starts pressing “Door Close”. The elevator door closes. Jack and Curtis don’t notice him as they race outside.

1:58 am – Curtis asks Jack how in the heck they’re going to get to the Grand Canyon without a car. Jack points towards a large vehicle used for the hot dog convention and says, “We’re taking THAT!”

1:59 am – Curtis and Jack are driving with lightning speed down the Las Vegas strip and have commandeered the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, and they’re singing “Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener!”

2:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – The Next Day – 12 am to 1 am


Last Time: Jack and Curtis narrowly escaped a dynamite attack by the Marwan brothers, and survived thanks to the acrobatic capabilities of their SUV. Chloe she tasered Haig to keep her from impeding Chloe’s progress, and set up a command center at CTU to find out how the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company has been involved with the Marwans. Julian and Marwan went to Thugmart to pick up more thugs, since they keep running out of them. Jack and Curtis arrive at Thugmart while Julian is still inside, just in time for all three of them to see Marwan coming over the hill with a LOT of zombies from a nearby cemetery store.

The following occurred between 12 am and 1 am – Oh, no! That’s when the monsters come out! Wait, that’s 10 pm – Anyway, never mind, they’re already here!

12:00 am – Marwan continues toward the parking lot. The zombies following him aren’t going to very fast, which is making Marwan pretty mad. He tries to get them to move faster by insulting the tombstones they were buried under, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Jack tells Curtis to get ready for the incoming zombie attack.

12:01 am – Inside Thugmart, Julian makes a panicked phone call to Hollywood’s headquarters, and demands to speak with Janosz. Janosz, who has a really weird accent, gets on the phone and excitedly asks Julian how Vigo is doing. Julian says, “For the last time, Marwan IS NOT Vigo!” This is still confusing for Janosz, but Julian continues anyway. Julian tells Janosz that what he’s really worried about are the zombies out in the parking lot, and wants to know why Marwan is leading them. Janosz gets really quiet, and asks “What zombies?”

12:03 am – Jack tells Curtis that any minute now, the zombies are going to attack so they should be ready to go.

12:04 am – Janosz laughs nervously, and begins to explain zombies to Julian (click here to hear it and read along!):

“You see, sometimes bringing back the dead from the great beyond works quite well. I can tell you that many members of congress have transitioned quite nicely, with some notable exceptions.

“Now, by ‘sometimes’, I mean that usually what will happen is that the person that gets brought back turns out fine. There is the odd occasion where they start turning pale, they don’t bleed if they get hurt, and then it’s straight to the complaining.

“They’ll say, ‘I’m hungry! Were can I get some good brains around here?’ Then you try and tell them, ‘No! You can’t have any brains!’ and they’re all like, ‘Oh, pleeeease? I really want some! I’m kinda hungry! Can’t you spare a little bit?’ – You know? And it just doesn’t work out, because eventually, you know, they go for you – and that’s not good. They’ll be chasing you around, and they’re not that quick, but eventually they’ll find you. So, what’ll happen is, you’ll be sitting around for a couple of days, minding your own business, watching a football game, and then you’ll hear some scraping on the door. You’ll ask ‘Who is it?’, and they’ll say, ‘It’s me’. And you’ll say, ‘Oh, what do you want?’ And they’ll say, ‘I want your brains’, and you’ll say, ‘No, you can’t have my brains’. Then you have to leave, because if you don’t leave, they get a WHOLE bunch of their friends, and they come over and they start pounding on the windows and the doors, and they’re like ‘Let me in!’, and you’re like, ‘No, I don’t want to do that’. They keep banging on the door anyway, and then they’ll get in the ventilation system – and you don’t want that because it just stinks the whole place up. Then you have to leave. So you leave for a few days, you go some place else. And what happens? Shamble-shamble-shamble. They follow you. And then they find you, again, and it’s the same thing over and over. So pretty soon, you have to do something about it, because they can get a whole bunch of friends. The only way you can really get them is to chop their heads off – cause once that happens, they’re gone.

“But, you know, these are the kind of chances we take when we bring them back. Sometimes it turns out good, like I said – sometimes not so much.”

12:06 am – Jack tells Curtis to get into flank two position, because the zombies will be here really soon. Curtis says he could have put about a hundred perimeters around the zombies by now. He suggests that he and Jack get closer to the zombies and start shooting, but Jack tells him that they should to stay put.

12:08 am – Julian asks Janosz whether or not this is going to happen to Marwan, and Janosz says that if Marwan has the ability to command the dead, then it’s only a matter of time before Marwan starts going after brains too. Julian doesn’t look to happy about this, but asks what to do about the immediate problem of the zombies.

12:10 am – Curtis checks his watch, and Jack tells him to be patient.

Commercial

12:15 am – Marwan has resorted to going behind the zombies and pushing them. That doesn’t hurry them up as much as it makes them fall face forward into the dirt.

12:16 am – Jack and Curtis poise themselves as the zombies finally get into range. Just as they’re about to shoot, Julian setups out of the Thugmart, and starts singing the following to the tune of “She’ll Be Comin’ ’round the Mountain”:

A zombie travels around in circles, yes it does!
A zombie travels around in circles, yes it does!
It rises up from the grave,
It tries to do “The Wave”,
It must learn to behave,
Yes it does!

12:17 am – The zombies have all stopped, started moaning even louder than they were before. It appears that they’re having problems dealing with this tune. Some of them are holding their hands to the ears, while others are trying to snap their fingers and stomp their feet to the beat of the song, but aren’t quite getting it.

12:18 am – Curtis yells at Jack, and tells him, “GREAT! How am I going to get THAT tune out of my head?” Jack calmly replies, “I’m a little more interesting in seeing how THEY are going to deal with it”, and points at the zombies.

12:19 am – Now that about half of the zombies are disabled, Julian switches tactics and sings the following song to the tune of “MacArthur Park”:

Marwan’s Zombies are trudging in the dark
All their feet, and bodies slowing down
Someone left the cakes out with the brains
I’d run, but I don’t think that I can out-fake them,
‘Cause it’d take too long to stake them,
And I’ll never use that recipe again!
Oh, no!

Curtis still has his hands over his ears, and tells Jack, “That doesn’t even make any sense! You can’t stake zombies!”

12:21 am – Now the rest of the zombies are holding their hands to their ears too, trying to figure out a way to make the song stop. Marwans yells at Julian, “What have you done??” Julian shouts to Marwan, “Go for the car!”

12:22 am – The zombies are in between the Marwan brother’s car and where Jack and Curtis are standing. Jack tries to fire at the Marwans and the thugs as they make their way to the car, but the zombies catch the bullets and don’t budge. The tires of the Marwans’ car squeal as the car goes in reverse, turns and drives away. Jack, Curtis, and the zombies are left out in the parking lot.

12:23 am – Curtis and Jack reload their guns and continue to fire at the zombies, but they finally run out of bullets. Suddenly, one of the zombies that has been humming the song to itself pulls it’s own head off! The head has a look of satisfaction at finally stopping the song, and the zombie keels over, dead. Again. For good this time. The other zombies see this happening, and all start pulling their heads off too. There are zombie parts everywhere.

12:24 am – Curtis and Jack run back to their car. A voice over the loud speaker outside of Thugmart says, “Clean-up in the parking lot” as Curtis and Jack drive away after the Marwans.

Commercial

12:28 am – Jack calls Chloe to let her know what just happened, and to see if she has any explanation for that. Chloe says that she can’t really blame them for wanting to tear their own heads off to try and keep those songs from playing over and over again in their heads. Jack asks her why in the world Julian would destroy a zombie army like that, especially one that Marwan controlled. Chloe says she doesn’t know, but she’ll add that to her analysis.

12:31 am – Marwan is yelling at Julian for making them give up on the zombies. Marwan says that some of the zombies were close personal friends of his, and he’s sure that none of them would have done a thing to hurt Julian. At least pretty sure. The thugs in the back of the car are all huddled up together, and they look scared. One of them is sucking his thumb.

12:33 am – Jack asks if Chloe knows where the Marwan’s car is right now. Chloe tells Jack that she has no idea, because she’s been working on information about the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company. Jack asks if there’s anyone at CTU that can help them find the Marwans. Jack hangs up and continues to drive in the general direction that the Marwans were driving in when they left.

12:35 am – A pizza delivery guy comes into the conference room which Chloe is standing in, and asks if she’s Chloe O’Brian. He hands Chloe a $300 bill for pizza topped with apple strudel, and asks for payment. She asks him why she’s the one getting the bill. He tells Chloe that the guy in the next conference room is the one that said she was in charge. Chloe storms out of her conference room into the one across the hall.

12:37 am – Standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by pizza boxes, is RoboEdgar. His face is covered in strudel and pizza sauce. He smiles at Chloe as she walks into the room, and tries to give her a hug, but Chloe tells him to back off. The pizza delivery guy walks in, and Chloe turns to tell him that the secretary at the end of the hall will be able to handle that for him, and to reactivate the Edgar account. He leaves.

12:39 am – Chloe tells RoboEdgar that he’s going to need to help Jack to try to find the Marwan brother’s car. She tells him that he’s not to stop for any fast food on the way, which makes RoboEdgar look really disappointed. She promises him a bacon-wrapped Ho-Ho when he gets back from helping Jack. She tells RoboEdgar to fly off and go help Jack. RoboEdgar does this, and then calls CTU maintenance to repair the hole in the roof that RoboEdgar just created.

12:42 am – Now that Marwan has finished yelling, Julian patiently explains to his brother why he let loose of the zombies. Julian tells Marwan that he might be turning into a zombie. He also believes that there may be a cure for becoming a zombie, but they have to head out of town before Marwan gets the urge to start eating brains. One of the thugs in the back seat passes out when he hears this.

12:45 am – Julian pulls up to a drive-thru to pick up some food, since they haven’t eat in quite a long time. He orders some burgers and drinks for himself and the thugs in the back of the car. Julian asks Marwan what he wants, and Marwan puts his hands up in front of him in a grabbing motion and yells “BRAINS!” Julian looks shocked, and Marwan starts to laugh, telling Julian to lighten up. All of the thugs in the backseat have passed out. Julian tries to laugh off the joke, but doesn’t look too convinced. He tells Marwan that the revenge on Jack Bauer has to end now, because they have commitments to their backers that they must carry out. They drive down the street, and take an exit onto the expressway.

12:48 am – Chloe calls Jack and tells him that RoboEdgar is on the way to help. Jack asks Chloe if she’s mad at him, since RoboEdgar doesn’t seem to be the stealthy type to help secretly find out where the Marwans are heading. Chloe says that she’s sorry, but it is the best she can do at the moment. She says that the research she’s done indicates that the executives from the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company are having a retreat somewhere north of Las Vegas, and there’s every indication that they are going to meet with the Marwan Brothers there.

12:50 am – A sign on the expressway, indicates exits Phoenix, Flagstaff, and “Just if it wasn’t clear, head north of Las Vegas”.

Commercial

12:55 am – After a grueling five minute drive, Curtis and Jack arrive at a large desert area north of Las Vegas. Jack calls Chloe to tell her that there’s really nothing out here but desert, and a really long chain link fence with warning signs on it. Chloe asks Jack to give her the latitude and longitude of where he is right now. Jack tells her that they’re near 37 degrees, 14 minutes North, and 115 degrees and 48 minutes West. Jack’s call to Chloe goes dead.

12:56 am – Jack turns on the light in the car, and looks at the phone. He hits it with his hand a couple of times and Curtis suggests using the buttons would probably make it work a lot better.

12:58 am – The phone rings again. It’s Chloe, and she tells Jack they have to get out of their RIGHT AWAY. Jack asks why they need to leave, since they just got there had haven’t found Marwan yet. Chloe says, “You’re in the wrong place! You’re near Area 51!” The phone line cuts out again.

12:59 am – Curtis says he doesn’t like the sound of this at all, and goes to start the car. The lights of the car flicker and go out just as the engine dies. Jack’s phone is turned off too. They hear a loud humming noise, and then a bright light from above shines through their windshield.

1:00 am – Time’s up!

24 – The Next Day – 11 pm to 12 midnight

Last Time: Jack sent hundreds of AOL reps after the Marwan brothers after pointing out that they were about to drop their subscriptions to AOL. Jack and Curtis discovered a sinister plot by the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company to lobby Congress to pass a law to require low-low-low-flow toilets to be used throughout the country. In an attempt to raise money, both the Marwan brothers and ex-President Manilow and his followers attempt to rob an armored car, and the Marwan brothers are able to pull it off. Jack and Curtis are chasing the Marwan brothers down on Los Angeles’ many unused highways. Jack has just shot Marwan in the arm, just as he threw a stick of dynamite onto Jack’s car.

The following occurred between 11 pm and 12 pm, but no later, because it’s a school night and you have curfew.

11:00 pm – Curtis tries turning the wheel back and forth, but it does nothing but make the dynamite slide around on the windshield and then get stuck on the windshield wipers. After switching on the wipers and pressing the wiper fluid button a few times, Jack finally yells for Curtis to stop doing that.

11:01 pm – Jack tells Curtis to stop the SUV so they can get rid of the dynamite. Curtis tells Jack if they do that, they’re going to lose the Marwans. Jack points out that if they don’t get the dynamite off the SUV, then it’ll be much harder to follow the Marwans if they and the car are in a bazillion little pieces. Curtis agrees that probably would be the best thing for his complexion, and Curtis slams on the brakes. Just as Curtis slams on the brakes, the fuse of the dynamite burns down to the point where it dislodges, and flies off the hood, and lands in front of the car. Jack and Curtis ponder this for a half second, and then they both stamp on the accelerator of the SUV, driving over the top of, and past, the dynamite.

11:02 pm – Jack and Curtis both look revealed, but realize two things: 1) The Marwan brothers have gotten away, and 2) that stick of dynamite must have the slowest fuse ever made in the history of dynamite. Curtis suggests that the dynamite was a dud.

11:03 pm – The dynamite explodes, hurling the SUV back end over front end and through the air. The SUV miraculously lands on all four wheels after the flip. Curtis asks Jack to drive for a while, because he’d like to pass out.

11:04 pm – Julian notices that Marwan’s arm has been shot, mainly because there a large hole where the bullet went. Strangely, there’s no blood. Marwan’s examines this, and realizes that not only is there not any blood, but that he can make strange whistle noises if he blows into the bullet hole.

11:06 pm – After a few miles Julian asks Marwan to quit making those whistle noises with his arm, because Marwan keeps getting the melody to “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain – With A Big Terrorist Gun to Shoot Jack Bauer” wrong. And besides that, the whistle noises are getting annoying. Marwan suggests that if Julian gets shot in the arm too, they’ll be able to play “Dueling Bad Guys” on their arms. Julian doesn’t seem to like this idea.

11:09 – Julian pulls out a piece of paper, and tells Marwan that they have to get off the road at the next exit. Marwan tells him that he should have gone when they had a chance back at the warehouses. Julian tells him that’s not what he meant; they have to stop to get something.

Commercial

11:14 pm – Jack and Curtis continue to drive down the freeway, looking for the Marwan brothers. Jack and Curtis a series of flashing roadside signs, one after the other
– If you’re looking
– Up and down
– Maybe it’s time
– You turn around

Curtis tells Jack he hasn’t seen signs like that in a long time, and wonders what the advertisement means. They pass another two signs:
– They got off at the last exit!
– Chloe

Curtis drives the SUV to the next exit, and leaves the expressway.

11:17 pm – Chloe leaves her workstation at CTU, watching expressway video of the car Curtis and Jack are driving, mumbling under her breath about having to spell out everything. She then realizes she probably should have just called them on the phone.

11: 18 pm – Upstairs at CTU, Madam Haig is standing in a conference room in front of a large white board with many papers taped to it. Chloe bursts in to ask what the decision is. Haig tells Chloe that she’s thinking that Lasagna on Thursday instead of Wednesday is probably the right thing to do, as she switches two of the papers on the white board. Chloe looks at the papers, and they’re all recipes lined up under days of the week.

11:21 pm – Chloe yells at Haig, and asks what the decision is about *Jack and Curtis*. Haig looks baffled for a second, and then says that Jack and Curtis should just continue doing whatever they’re doing. Chloe rolls her eyes, and then excuses herself from the conference room.

11:22 pm – Chloe calls Jack, and tells him that Haig hasn’t decided on how to pursue in the investigation regarding the terrorists and the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company. Jack tells Chloe that it’s really important that the investigation go forward, and that Chloe should work in secret to find out what’s going on, if necessary. Jack tells Chloe they’ll continue to search for Marwan.

11:24 pm – Julian and Marwan’s car is stopped at a red light. Julian is messing around with a Global Positioning Device in the car, trying to find out how to program it to tell them where the store they’re looking for is. The light turns green, and the car horn behind them honks. Julian doesn’t move the car, still engrossed in trying to figure out the device. Marwan says that he’s going to teach this guy in back of them a lesson he’ll never forget.

11:25 pm – The car behind them is still honking as Marwan gets out of the car. The car headlights seem to make him look a lot paler than we’ve seen him before. Marwan lifts his hand up, finger pointing in the air, and opens his mouth to speak. Just as Marwan moves out from in front of the car, the car turns the other direction, and drives around the Marwan’s car.

11:26 pm – Marwan is left standing there with a puzzled expression on his face, apparently never expecting something like this to happen. He gets back into the car with Julian, who just figured out where he wants to go.

Commercial

11:32 pm – Chloe quietly re-enters the conference room where Madam Haig is still rearranging her dinner recipes for the week. Chloe flips the light switch quickly a few times, and Haig turns to stare at the light. Chloe speaks up and says there must be something wrong with it.

11:33 pm – Madam Haig steps on a chair and then onto the conference table in order to reach the light. Just as she reaches for the light, Chloe pulls out her taser and zaps Haig. Haig falls over onto the conference table.

11:34 pm – Chloe hits the button the conference room button which speed dials the CTU infirmary. Chloe tells them that Haig zapped herself on a light fixture and that they need to come and pick her up right away. The person on the other end asks if she wants to order a jumbo dessert with that. Chloe realizes she hit the speed dial for the CTU catering service by mistake, and hangs up.

11:36 pm – The Marwan brothers pull up in front of a huge brightly light store, ThugMart, which is next to a large cemetery. Julian gets out of the car, but Marwan puts his hands up to his face, saying that it’s a little too bright for him, and that he’ll stay in the car.

11:37 pm – Julian enters the store, in time to hear an announcement:

“Attention ThugMart shoppers! Starting a land war in Asia? We at ThugMart have all your anti-diplomatic supplies. Have a need for spies? We have all shapes and sizes to choose from. Don’t go with our competitors, because you don’t know if you’ll end up with a cut-rate double agent! On special now over in the Thugware and home cleaning supplies.”

11:39 pm – Julian walks past a clerk handing out samples of a product with toothpicks sticking out of them. They’re shuriken samples from a company called “Shuriken Japan”. Julian takes a sample and goes to find a clerk.

11:42 pm – Back at CTU, Chloe is directing three orderlies to take Haig down to the CTU infirmary and to have her closely watched. All the orderlies squint their eyes at Haig and stare at her, which makes it a bit hard for them to get her out of the room without bumping Haig’s head. After four tries, they successfully make it out of the room. The trip down the hallway sounds a bit less successful, but eventually the noise fades.

11:44 pm – Chloe takes a quick peek out down the hallway to make sure the coast is clear, and takes down all the recipes on the whiteboard. She starts writing down the current information has on the Hokey Pokey Toilet Company…. Which is the just the name. She runs back down to her workstation to look up as much information as she can about the company.

Commercial
11:49 pm – Julian waits patiently for a sales clerk who’s helping a customer. The customer, who is wearing a black mask, black robes, and a black feather is black hat asks where the villain clothing section of the store is. He says he’s looking to brighten up his wardrobe a bit, but still maintain that whole “sinister creepy” look that’s so popular with the younger villains. The clerk points him to the correct section of the store.

11:50 pm – Julian asks where the “cohorts” section of the store is, and the clerk points him in the right direction. As Julian starts walking to that section of the store, the clerk helpfully points out they’re having a two-for-one special on ruffians.

11:51 pm – Jack and Curtis continue to drive the streets of Los Angeles to see if they can see any sign of the Marwan brothers. They turn down a dark street and see several cars parked outside of the ThugMart store. They spot the car the Marwan brothers were in! Jack says, “You see! This is just the sort of problem I’ve been talking about. Right in the middle of Los Angeles, a place where bad guys can get anything they want!”. Curtis gives Jack a look, and then Jack concedes, “Yes, OK, I realize this is Los Angeles and this shouldn’t surprise me, but come on! We should have at least known about this place!” Curtis agrees.

11:53 pm – Inside ThugMart, there’s another announcement. “I’ve been asked to repeat the previous announcement that we’re completely out of tactical nuclear weapons. We do not expect any shipments for quite some time.”

11:54 pm – Julian now has several people with him at the checkout counter. The check-out clerk asks how long he would like to rent these thugs. Julian tells him that he won’t need them for longer than seven hours. The clerk tries to sell Julian an extended service plan, but thinks better of it when Julian pulls a gun on him.

11:56 pm – Jack and Curtis have approached the car the Marwan brothers were in, but don’t see anyone inside of it. Jack points to the inside of the Thugmart store, and tells Curtis that he sees Julian. Curtis taps Jack on the shoulder. Jack tells Curtis that they have to get to either side of the entrance somehow, so they can gain the element of surprise.

11:58 pm – Curtis taps Jack on the shoulder again, and says they have bigger things to worry about right now. Jack turns and sees what Curtis is talking about. About two dozen people are walking slowly from the cemetery, Marwan himself leading the way. The people behind Marwan are walking pretty slowly, and Marwan’s yelling at them to hurry up.

11:59 pm – Curtis raises his gun. Jack tells him that he doesn’t think it’s going to do any good. Jack says, “They’re zombies!”

12:00 midnight – Boo! Spooky! Um, I mean…. Time’s up!

24 – The Next Day – 10 pm to 11 pm


Last Time: Julian runs away from Jack and company after mistakenly trying to shoot them with a toy phaser; Jack heads back to the zoo, in search of Audrey, but can’t find her; Madan Haig at CTU tries to solve the Marwan Brother problem using PowerPoint slides; Jack, Curtis, and a CTU tactical squad are cornered by the worse enemy they’ve ever faced, Marwan, his brother Julian, and hundreds of AOL customer service reps.

The follow occurred between 10 pm and 11 pm, which is good for you, because we have free unlimited night time calling rates.

10:00 pm – Under the harsh lights of the abandon warehouse alleyway, Jack and Curtis face down Julian and his gang of hundreds of AOL customer service representatives. Julian says, “You see Mr. Bauer? I have assembled a vast army of vicious AOL customer service reps! …. Well, not so much assembled, because I didn’t take them from pieces and put them together from some ACME “Customer Service” kit, because that would have been cost prohibitive and there are way too many people here to have assembled in that time. When I say assembled, I mean that I brought them together from near and far, but not too far, because then they would have had to drive here and then wanted their parking validated since we don’t have any valet parking at this sort of ‘terrorist scrimmages’ as I like to call them.” Marwan punches his brother in the arm and tells him to get on with it.

10:02 pm – Curtis turns to Jack and says, “What is it with that guy and his rambling speeches?” Jack tells Curtis that he has a plan that just might save them, but in case it doesn’t they have to be ready to run like the dickens. Curtis asks what the heck a “dickens” is, and Jack ignores him as he turns to face Julian. Jack yells, “That’s a pretty good group you’ve assembled there. Where did you did you get that idea — on the Internet? I bet you had to use a lot of different Internet accounts to avoid being caught.”

10:04 pm – Julian replies, “It was simpler than you might think, Mr. Bauer! I received many offers for free AOL accounts through the mail, signed up for them all, and used the various accounts to retrieve my messages!” Curtis mumbles to Jack that he wonders why the bad guys always feel the need to reveal their plans and tactics when they think they’re winning. Julian continues, “That is how I was able to meet all of these people with machine guns trained on you right now. Now that the plan is complete, all I’ll have to do is cancel the accounts to completely cover my tracks!”

10:06 pm – With those words, all of the AOL service reps turn towards Julian and run to him, each of them explaining the importance of keeping a subscription with AOL.

10:07 pm – Jack yells to Curtis and the CTU tactical unit, “Get the heck out of here! As soon as those AOL reps finish with Julian, they’re coming after us!” Looks of horror on all of their faces, plus the fact that they’re all satisfied with their Internet service providers, they all run into one of the warehouse buildings, while the Marwan Brothers run in the opposite direction, being chased by the AOL reps.

Commercial

10:13 pm – Jack is on the Jackphone with Chloe, who is back at CTU. Curtis and the tactical units have deployed into the warehouse to find out what’s there. He wants maps of the layouts of the warehouses, schematic diagrams of the electrical systems, and tactical layouts of the entire area. Chloe asks him if he wants fries with that. Jack tells her that, yes, he does want fries with that, and a serving of “Why Are The Marwan Brothers At The Warehouses” on the side.

10:15 pm – Curtis and one of the CTU tactical officers, easily identifiable by his “CTU Tactical Officer” T-shirt, comes in and tells Jack that he is going to have to see something for himself.

10:16 pm – They enter an office. Curtis points to a wall that has a safe with an open door. Curtis says that he put is left hand in to search the safe, and then he pulled his left hand out. Then he put is left hand back in there, and he pulled it out again. This time, there was a piece of paper stuck to it, and so he had to shake it all about to get rid of it. Jack asks Curtis if that’s what it’s all about. Jack looks at the piece of paper. It’s a letter from the Hokey Pokey Toilet company.

10:18 pm – Jack reads the letter, and tells Curtis that it is a letter outlining the company’s plans to lobby Congress to pass a law for 0.8 gallon “low-low low-flow” toilets, and the make them the standard toilet for all new installations, effectively outlawing the 1.6 gallon toilets in standard use today. In the margin, there’s a note, written in pen, that says, “Consult with Marwans.”

10:19 pm – Jack asks why the Marwans would be involved with a toilet company, especially a toilet company that’s lobbying Congress. Curtis says that he’s not sure, but considering he HATES the 1.6 gallon toilet he has now, he’s going to REALLY hate these new 0.8 gallon toilets, and he’s not going to take this sitting down. The tactical officer asks if his tactical team should stay here, hidden, in order to flush out the person responsible for the letter. Curtis tells him that it’s probably too late, and Jack interrupts to say that if he’s about to do another bad pun, he’ll have arrest someone and throw them in the tank.

10:22 pm – Jack calls Chloe with the new information, and tells her to find out where the Hokey Pokey toilet company is located. Chloe tells him that if he would just learn to use all of the features of the Jackphone that she built for him, he’d be able to look this up for himself. She looks it up, and is about to tell him when he interrupts and says, “Let me guess – Flushing, New York.” She agrees that was a good guess, but they’re actually located in Why, Arizona. Jack says, “What?”. Chloe corrects him and says, “Why”. Curtis says, “I thought he played third base?”

10:24 pm – The CTU tactical unit check to make sure that that coast is clear to make sure it’s O.K. to leave the warehouse, while Jack and Curtis walk right out of the warehouse and leave to go back to CTU.

Commercial

10:29 pm – Jack and Curtis arrive at CTU, and Chloe is waiting for them at the door. She tells them that Madam Haig is really upset because Jack keeps leaving CTU out of the loop while he’s out running around. Jack asks Chloe if Haig realizes what he’s actually doing out there is dangerous, and that he doesn’t always have time to call in while he’s being shot at. Chloe said that isn’t the reason that Haig is upset. It was Jack’s turn to bring the donuts to work this morning, and he forgot.

10:31 pm – The Marwan Brothers are driving down the street, and Marwan is ranting at Julian. Marwan is very upset that they haven’t been able to kill Jack Bauer, that they’re running out of money, and that nearly all of the thugs, villains, sidekicks, goons, and hooligans they’ve been using have either fled, been arrested or been shot. The phone rings, and Julian answers.

10:32 pm – The Hollywood Terrorist mastermind is on the phone, and wants to know what happened with the plan to attack Jack Bauer at the warehouse. Julian says, “We had Bauer cornered like a hospital bed’s sheets; I mean that you could have bounced a quarter off of it! The bed sheets, not Bauer. He proved to be a much more difficult person to actually shoot in so much as there wasn’t very much shooting as there was more running away and screaming. The down side of that was that we were the ones running away and screaming and Jack was doing more of the escaping thing. I think next time he should be a lot less ‘escapey’ and a lot more ‘capturey’ or even ‘deady’. The best thing that….”.

10:34 pm – Hollywood interrupts, and wants to know whether how much money they have left. Marwan points out that they’re actually pretty low on cash, and have resorted to checking under seat cushions and handing in bottles to obtain the deposits back. Hollywood suggests that they find some money right away, because hiring more lackeys is going to cost money, and if they want to get Jack Bauer, they need to do it soon, because they need to get to Flagstaff right away.

10:36 pm – Just as Hollywood hangs up, Julian points to a mall where an armored car being loaded up with bags. His brother agrees that’s a great idea, and Julian slams his hands into the steering wheel, saying it’ll never work, because the mall is closed, and that means that the Orange Julius is probably closed too. Marwan smacks Julian on the back of the head, and points to the armored car. Julian finally gets the idea, but looks disappointed when he realizes he won’t be getting a frozen drink tonight.

10:38 pm – The two security guards outside of the mall are continuing to load up the armored car. One of the guards says, “Have you ever noticed that when someone says ‘Nothing exciting ever happens around here’, that it’s that exact time when something exciting happens?” Just as he finishes this sentence, Marwan and Julian, masks pulled over their heads, point guns at both of the security guards. The guard says, “SEE?! I told you that always happens!”

Commercial

10:43 pm – Jack is with Chloe, going over the information they have about everything that’s happened today to see what the Hokey Pokey Toilet company has to do with what’s happening, and more importantly, whether they can make any predictions about what’s going to happen next. Chloe says, “Oh, sure – What am I, a mind reader?” Jack says, if this toilet proposal actually makes it through congress, there are going to be a lot of really mad people.

10:45 pm – The guards have taken all the bags they’ve been loading onto their armored car, and have nearly finished loading everything into the back of the Marwan’s SUV. Julian says, “Well, I bet that’s the last time you say, ‘Nothing exciting ever happens around here’ isn’t it?” Just as he finishes saying this, a group of people wearing dark sunglasses and really bad toupees come out from behind the bushes and point their guns at the guards and the Marwans. The apparent leader of this new group points his gun in front of him, and orders the guards and the Marwan Brothers to put everything in the back of the group’s station wagon, which is just driving up. Someone says, “Psst! His glasses!” One of the other members with a particularly awful toupee spins the leader to face the Marwans and the guards, and the leader repeats his demand. The person driving the station wagon drives it right into the armored car, and the driver starts yelling, asking who’s stupid idea it is to put on dark glasses in the first place.

10:47 pm – Back at CTU headquarters, Curtis notices a blinking dot on her computer monitor, and asks Chloe what it is. Chloe patiently begins to explain that the blinking dot on the computer screen is called a “cursor”, and Curtis interrupts, saying he was talking about the blinking dot on the map.

10:49 pm – Chloe realizes that the blinking dot on the map is a report of a robbery taking place at the mall. She types a few commands into her computer, and tells Jack there is a 95.5815162342 percent chance, based on the traffic patterns in the area, the wind direction and the barometric pressure that the Marwans are at that scene. Jack says, “Wow! Really?” Chloe laughs, and says, “No, we just identified it by their license plates”. She points at the screen, which is zoomed in on a license plate that reads “I H8 JACK”. Jack and Curtis leave.

10:53 pm – The badly toupee’d group at the mall is still pointing their guns at the Marwans and the guards, while the leader of the group is over by the station wagon yelling at the driver. The driver of the car says, “I didn’t mean to do it! It’s these stupid glasses, President Manilow”. Manilow pulls off his dark glasses, and says, “Great! Just great! How in the heck are we going to escape now? You know we’re short on funds and this is the only reason we had to do this!” There are squealing tires, and as the group turns to look, the Marwan Brothers are in their SUV, speeding off towards the exit of the mall.

10:55 pm – The Marwan Brothers’ car goes barreling out of the parking lot of the mall, right in front of the SUV that Curtis and Jack are in. Jack points at the license plate, and says, “It’s them! Follow them!” Curtis says that he’ll get right on that.

10:57 pm – The Marwan SUV finds and exit to the freeway, and drives onto it. The CTU SUV follows. The freeway is completely clear. Curtis tells Jack it’s because this is one of the freeways in Los Angeles that no one ever uses.

10:59 pm – Jack tries shooting the Marwan’s SUV, but keeps missing. Marwan leans out of the passenger side of their SUV, and throws something towards the CTU SUV. Jack takes aim and shoots Marwan in the arm! The object that Marwan threw lands right in the middle of the hood, right by the windshield. It’s a stick of dynamite!

11:00 pm – Time’s up!

24 – The Next Day – 9 pm to 10 pm


Last Time: Julian, who looks remarkably like the doctor on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, has joined forces with his brother Habib Marwan. With the help of Chloe, Jack was able to disarm the bomb on Audrey, and free her from the cage filled with snakes and monkeys, much to the relief of the monkeys and snakes. Chloe, Curtis and Jack arrive on a college campus, where the students are recruiting for their campus club activities. Curtis found out he’s a bit of a perimeter making celebrity, Jack discovered that Manilow’s new job as a TV evangelist has gotten him some followers. Oh, and Julian has a weapon pointed at Jack right now!

The follow occurred between 9pm and 10 pm, but we didn’t get it to you in less than thirty minutes, so this one is free.

9:00 pm – Julian points the weapon at Jack, says “Mr. Bauer, you’re about to die. Die! A horrible death! It’s REALLY going to hurt! Not your run-of-the-mill hurt either. No. It’s gonna be like if you had a whole bunch of paper cuts, and they got some salt in them, and they itched, and got infected, and then you couldn’t find a Band-Aid, so you try to use Bactine, but it really stung, and then you slipped on some gravel, the really sharp kind that hurts when you walk on it with bare feet, and the gravel has had hot sauce recently sprinkled all over it, and it got into the paper cuts after you fell! That kind of hurt!”

9:02 pm – A student walks past Jack, stops dead, and drops his backpack. He says, “Oh, no, not you!” Then he sees Julian, and says, “Uncle Julian??” It’s Bahrooz! Jack sees Bahrooz and whispers, “Bahrooz, listen carefully. You have to go to Julian and whack him over the head.” Bahrooz looks at Jack like he’s crazy. Bahrooz completely refuses, saying he’s isn’t carrying his terrorist killing shovel. In fact, he’s not carrying even so much as a gardening trowel. Julian starts to protest, saying he can hear everything they’re saying, and that he’s going to shoot them both unless they shut up.

9:04 pm – Jack squints at the weapon, and takes a step forward. Julian says, “One more step, and I’ll shoot this phaser at you!” Jack says, “Where did you get that weapon?” and takes another step forward. Julian says, “Oh, the heck with the hurting part. I’m just going to kill you!” He tries to fire the weapon, but nothing happens. Bahrooz grabs his bag and runs away. Juliean quickly looks over at the table where he got the phaser. The people at the table, recruiting for the Star Trek club, all wave at Julian. Julian looks and sees that there are other phasers on their table, all marked “Toy Phaser”. He takes his phaser, throws it at Jack, and says “Until we meet again, Jack Bauer!”. Julian runs away, and the guys from the Star Trek table all run up to Jack to ask for his autograph, blocking Jack from following Julian.

9:06 pm – Chloe and Curtis run up to Jack and ask what all the commotion is about. Jack signs a few pieces of paper, autograph books, and a couple of Spock ears as he tells Curtis and Chloe about the Manilow followers, Bahrooz and Julian. He points in the general direction of where the Manilow followers were, and then sees they’re all gone.

9:08 pm – Jack tells Audrey to call CTU and see what they have on “Julian Marwan”, and what the story is with the television studio they were at earlier in the evening. Audrey doesn’t answer, which is fortunate, because if she did, she’d have some sort of magical powers, since she wasn’t with them in the first place. Jack looks at Chloe and Curtis, and asks where Audrey has gone to. Curtis says that they must have left her back at the zoo, because she didn’t come with them to the college. Jack says they have to head back for Audrey, in spite of complaints from Chloe and Curtis.

Commercial

9:13 pm – Hollywood is on the phone with Marwan. Marwan tells him that he has some good news and some bad news. Hollywood says if the “good news” has anything to do with car insurance, he’s going to shoot Marwan himself. Marwan says that in that case he just has bad news: Jack Bauer escaped Julian. Hollywood asks what he means by “Bauer escaped Julian”. Marwan says that it’s not so much “escaped” as fled…with Julian doing the “fledding”. Hollywood asks if that’s even a word. Marwan ignores that, and tells Hollywood that they have to meet in order to come up with a new plan.

9:15 pm – Jack, Chloe and Curtis arrive at the zoo just as the last of the police cars pulls away. One of the zoo guards is about to lock the gates when the group runs up to him and describes Audrey, and asks whether she’s still in the zoo somewhere. The guard says all the monkey cages are locked and the exhibit is closed. They explain that Audrey is actually a woman, not a monkey, but it still takes a little bit to convince the guard that they’re not lying.

9:17 pm – All of them, including the guard, look in the zoo. They look everywhere. The guard calls everyone over when he finds Audrey, but it turns out it was just an ostrich.

9:19 pm – Marwan arrives at Hollywood’s secret hideout while talking on the cell phone to Julian, and they’re arguing. Marwan tells Julian that he doesn’t care what it costs, he’s not going to do it. He tells Julian to get over to Hollywood’s hideout right away, and hangs up. Hollywood looks at Marwan and tells him that he better do whatever he can to get Jack Bauer, or else. Marwan looks confused for a minute, and then realizes Hollywood’s mistake. Julian wanted him to sign up for the family plan on his cell phone.

9:22 pm – After extensive searching for nearly four solid minutes, everyone decides that Audrey can’t be found anywhere in the zoo. Curtis did find several shell-shocked monkeys, but Chloe attributes that to them being in the same cage as Audrey earlier that night.

9:23 pm – Jack gets on the Jackphone and calls CTU, telling them they need as much information on Julian Marwan as possible. He tells Madam Haig that they’re all coming back to CTU, and to please have a change of clothes ready, because after everything that happened yesterday, and everything that’s already happened today, they really need to change clothes, especially if they expect to sneak up on someone without giving them a warning whiff first.

9:25 pm – As they drive along the expressway, Jack looks up and sees a blimp above the city with a lit sign that says, “Happy Anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Steve, September 6th, Twenty Wonderful Years”. Jack wonders how they could get that big of a message on one blimp.

Commercial

9:31 pm – Curtis, Chloe and Jack arrive at CTU, grab the clothes laid out for them and go to change. A minute or so later, they all come back out, take one look at each other, go back in the dressing to exchange clothes, since they’re all wearing each other’s clothes.

9:33 pm – Marwan plots with Hollywood while they wait for Julian to arrive. Marwan says his supply of thugs and lackeys is running low, but Janosz is there watching them, so he doesn’t expect anything to happen. Realizing what he just said, he calls Janosz just to be sure.

9:34 pm – Jack, Chloe and Curtis have finally changed into the right clothes, and go to meet with Madam Haig while men in toxic hazard suits go to the dressing rooms to remove their old clothing.

9:35 pm – Madam Haig is in the conference room, and the room is full of analysts. Up on the screen is a PowerPoint presentation on the screen showing a fifty-six step plan to get Marwan and Julian. Haig is in the middle explaining the possible tactical advantages of using paisley instead of camouflage for CTU combat clothing.

9:37 pm – Julian arrives at Hollywood’s hideout. Hollywood asks if he was followed, and Julian says there was a Star Trek: Voyager series, but as far as he knew that had nothing to do with his previous work.

9:39 pm – Back at CTU, Curtis whispers to Chloe that maybe a “PowerPoint Poisoning” attack like this on Marwan would work. Chloe agrees. Jack looks really impatient, and finally can’t stand it anymore. He stands up and tells Haig that unless they act right away, Marwan and Julian are going to do something really bad. Jack continues, “And speaking of ‘bad’, what the heck was that television studio doing?”

9:41 pm – Haig tells the room that in an effort to make CTU “more accessible”, the Homeland Security Department licensed the rights to things that happen in CTU to a TV program, where they can be shown to the general public. Jack asks her what about the word “Undercover” is it that she doesn’t understand.

9:42 pm – One of the CTU agents, Howard, who has been working downstairs runs into the room. Then he gets up, opens the door, runs through the door, and announces they’ve found out where Marwan and Julian are right now! Jack asks where they are, and after getting detailed instructions, Jack asks Chloe to stay behind at CTU because he’s going to need some high powered computer work here. Curtis and Jack leave. Chloe plugs in her taser to recharge.

9:44 pm – Madam Haig calls Chloe into her office for a full report. Chloe goes upstairs, and instinctively tries to grab her taser, but realizes she left it downstairs.

Commercial

9:50 pm – Curtis and Jack arrive at a set of abandoned warehouses along a long street. Jack calls Chloe on the JackPhone, but Howard answers. Jack asks him where Chloe is. Howard says that she’s been ordered to Haig’s office, and that he’s supposed to help Jack.

9:51 pm – Jack doesn’t like this, but he presses forward anyway. He asks Howard which warehouse Marwan is supposed to be in. Howard tells him that he’s at the warehouse just outside of where Jack is standing. Jack orders Howard to get CTU tactical agents to their location right away.

9:53 pm – Ten CTU tactical agents arrive, all dressed in paisley. Jack looks surprised. Jack tells Howard what a good job he’s done. Curtis hands Jack a megaphone, and Jack calls to Marwan, “Marwan! Give yourself up!”

9:55 pm – There’s no sound from the warehouse. There’s quiet a commotion at the other end of the street though, while someone tries to get a stuck warehouse door open. The group turns to see Marwan, Hollywood and Julian walking out of the warehouse. They’re about to get into a car when they notice the CTU group at the other end of the street.

9:57 pm – Jack reminds himself to ask Chloe to train Howard on the basic art of map reading. Jack calls to Marwan, “Marwan! Give yourself up!”.

9:58 pm – Marwan is just about to speak when Julian steps forward, and says something. Jack says, “What did you say?” into the megaphone. Julian yells, “Can you hear me now?” and a LOT of people come out from building doors, pillars, and poles. Julian holds up his cell phone and tells Jack that this HIS network.

9:59 pm – Jack tells his group that everything’s going to be OK, because it looks like they’re a bunch of cell phone company employees. Curtis says, “Uh….Jack? I don’t think so!” and points. Jack looks and all the people pull out machine guns. Jack says, “This is worse than I thought! The Marwan Brothers are using the people who do customer service at AOL! They won’t go without a fight!”

10 pm – Time’s up!