Last time on 24: Jack took off his clothes in the middle of the street, stopping traffic for miles; Jack’s also infected, and it’s not from previously touching Audrey; Olivia is Head Staff Weasel; Tony raided an empty warehouse.
12:00 am – Tony and Larry talk out of the corner of their mouths, as if the guys pointing guns at them don’t see them talking. Three Humvees drive up, because that’s how many it takes to bring Hodges to talk to Larry.
Jonas yells a lot and pretends that he’s innocent of doing all kinds of bad things. He tells Larry that he wants Greg back, because Greg chafes a lot if he’s kept captive too long.
12:03 am – Out of no where, Jack realizes that someone might be able to help – a guy named Deus Ex Machina, going under the alias Douglas Knowles, the chairman of Starkwood.
Jack gives him a call, and it turns out that Douglas was hoping Jack would call. He’s probably a big 24 fan. They rehash the current state of the plot for a little while, just in case everyone happened to forget what occurred last week. This is a regular feature on the show, usually with different people talking about what happened the week before.
Douglas thinks he might know where a bio-weapon might be hidden – in the Bio-Weapon hanger on the Starkwood compound.
12:07 am – The Starkwood army on the base move threateningly… they form a nearly straight line! Jack suggests a brilliant plan – Everyone should do exactly want Jonas wants them to do (which is leave the compound), while Tony pretends that he has nothing to do with any of this, and stays behind. Larry thinks this is a crazy idea, but it might just work!
Greg gets a little upset that he might have to go with the FBI. He tells Larry that he better get the handcuffs off of him right away, or things are going to get ugly, which I think it code for Janis arriving soon. Larry attempts to take Greg’s handcuffs off, but misses and punches Greg in the face instead. Tony uses this opportunity to take something from one of the FBI guys, and slip away from the commotion. Nobody notices Tony wasn’t with them as they leave in the helicopters.
12:09 am – Tony wanders around the compound, and gets snuck up on by Douglas. Tony must be losing his touch. Tony tells Jack that he’s with Knowles – and he needs a perimeter. Jack doesn’t answer because his hand starts shaking, which appears to render him mute.
Janis and Renee give some instructions and Tony and Douglas run off. Jack looks like he picked the wrong day to get sprayed with a bio-weapon.
12:15 am – Jack recovers enough to call the President, where he recaps the plot so far tonight, including what Hodges did. The President says, “Who does he think he is?” Jack patiently explains who Jonas Hodges is, tells her that’s not important now, and explains that Tony and Douglas have things well in hand.
Jack suggests they do a surgical air strike. The President isn’t sure that bombing the compound with surgeons is the way to go with this, but leaves this to Jack’s discretion. While this is happening, Olivia’s phone vibrates, and she realizes it’s been nearly an hour since she’s leaked anything to the press. She runs off.
The President asks Jack about that whole “exposed to deadly gas” thing, and Jack says he’s been through worse, obviously thinking of Audrey.
12:16 am – That phone call to Olivia is Ken, the guy she’s been giving information too. Olivia tries to play off a meeting of the Joint Chiefs as some kind of Jamaican tribal elders powwow, but Richard isn’t buying it. He’s a got a source at the port authority that’s using words like, “weapons of mass destruction”, “boom” and “Ack!”. Olivia doesn’t want to tell him any more, but Ken won’t take “no” for an answer. He threatens to do a news story about what a sleazy weasel Olivia has been, unless she tells him everything she knows. He tells her to meet him at a hotel, and Olivia makes a call to Aaron to arrange a car.
12:18 am – Tony asks if Jack sees anything on satellite, and it turns out that the giant blue blob on the screen is pretty likely to be what they’re looking for. Knowles tries to use his key card at the building, but it doesn’t work because it was demagnetized during his last trip to Best Buy. Tony asks for help with the door lock. Janis does the typical customer support thing and acts like Tony is a moron and doesn’t know what an R6 interface module is. Geesh! Tony plugs in and waits for Janis’ TRS-80 to decode the code for the door.
Knowles decides to create a distraction when they see a Humvee searching the area. His big plan? Pull out his security access key, and talk really loudly while he tries to give Tony some time. It works! Tony makes it inside. Knowles gets taken into the Humvee. So, now all Tony has to do is find the weapons, tell Jack about them, and then the President will order some explosives for the whole area.
That’s going to be a little tough though, because Jack starts having seizures, probably from being so close to Toxic Agent Janis.
12:27 am – Jonas is phoned to inform him that Knowles has been out “walking”. Jonas tells him to take Knowles back to his office. Jonas hangs up. He’s in the Bio-Weapons Warehouse. The scientists, who we know are scientists because they wear funny while coats, are working there. They’re either very stupid, or have nerves of steel because they’re still not wearing masks in case of an accident. One of them tells Jonas things will be ready in half an hour, just in time for a cliffhanger for next week’s show.
12:29 am – Olivia and Aaron are at the hotel, and she tells him to wait in the hallway and to try not to be heroic if at all possible. She goes into Ken’s hotel room.
Ken tells her all about the firefight at the port authority, and then wants to hear all about the firefight at the port authority from Olivia. Ken really wants the details to all this. She finally tells him all about this, and Ken looks like he really didn’t want to hear about any of this AT ALL. Ken suggests that he’ll spike the story if Olivia gets all snoochy-poochy with him. She gives in. Dirtbags do attract dirtbags!
12:33 am – Jack gets a shot with a really big syringe, and gets instructions along with a Scooby Doo bandaid. The doctor says, surprise-surprise, that Jack might be saved with a stem-cell treatment from his daughter. There’s a very small chance that it’ll work, and Renee wants him to call his daughter.
Jack gets back on the phone with Tony, who is still looking for the weapons. There are eight guys headed into the building and Tony thinks he can take them all on. A couple of guys go downstairs where Tony is, and he shows them some cool Kung-Fu moves he learned.
12:40 am – Tony handcuffs one of the guys to a pipe, puts on a bullet proof vest, and gets into an elevator. Just as the door is about to close, a scientist gets in. He doesn’t look like a scientist, but the white coat and close-up pictures of germs give it away. If it wasn’t for that, he could be mistaken for a thin version of Vin Diesel, except without the fast and furious driving. Janis and Jack are impressed that the building is four-stories underground, because none of that shows up in the MSL listing for that building.
12:42 am – Tony uses his product-placement phone to send a picture of the bio-weapons to Jack. Jack recognizes the cell-phone company logo on the picture, and also the weapon canisters. Jack tells Tony to get out of there, or there will be Tony pieces all over the area within the next ten minutes.
12:44 am – Jonas arrives at Knowles office. Knowles is upset that he’s been arrested by his own security force, held captive, and hasn’t been allowed access to the internet. He confronts Jonas about the FBI raid, and instead of answer his questions, Jonas tells him a story about when they first built the company together.
Jonas gets a drink from a large glass bottle and tells Douglas that during this whole time, they’ve been able to do all kinds of military things for the government. He’s liked it so much he’s decided to keep doing it, even though they’re being investigated. Jonas decides he really needs to let Douglas take a close look at the bottle he was carrying, and he does this several times to Douglas’ head. Then, he decides to show Doug a huge map on the first floor (they’re up on the second), and helps him over the edge of the atrium. Douglas, who wasn’t prepared for the bottle or boost over the edge, lands in a bad way, and turns out to be dead. Jonas seems pretty broken up that Douglas would actually have the gall to get blood spurts all over Jonas’ shirt, and goes to watch it.
Greg calls Jonas to say there are some F-18s headed to the compound, and they’re probably there for Frequent Bomber points. Jonas asks Greg to call Mrs. President.
12:52 am – Ken says, “Probably thinking scum of the earth”, as is everyone in the audience. Ken says he’s going to run the story anyway! Wow! Ken’s an even bigger dirt bag than Olivia!
Wait, no Olivia is the bigger dirtbag! She recorded the whole thing on her cell phone, and says she plans on telling everyone if Ken says anything.
12:54 am – Mrs. President calls, and wants Olivia to come back ASAP. Aaron pretends he doesn’t know what’s going on, and they leave.
The Joint Chiefs of Staff tell Mrs. President they have some really, really expensive weapons that will burn everything to a cinder, and then the cinders too.
12:55 am – Jonas is already back to look at some fake-looking missiles on a monitor, and brags about the blood stains on his shirt. Everyone else assumed he was just a really messy spaghetti-eater.
12:56 am – Mrs. President takes the phone call with Jonas, and goes into a dark room to take it because it’s more dramatic.
Jonas tells her that she should turn the planes away, and that he has some missiles loaded with the bio-weapon pointed at some east coast cities. He even volunteers to “as a sign of good faith”, show the weapons off. Mrs. President tells him this is a use of the term “sign of good faith” that she wasn’t previously aware of. He uses his product-placement phone to show her the missiles. She’s horrified. She can’t believe he doesn’t own an iPhone.
Jonas wants to have a meeting at the White House. He tells her that if she doesn’t turn the planes around, he’ll release the hounds…er, the missiles. He hangs up.
She runs into the next room and orders the air strike aborted. She also orders a more exciting plot for next week.
1 am – Time’s up!
NEXT TIME ON 24: HELICOPTERS! JONAS! BIOWEAPONS! BUZZERS! EXPLOSIONS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!