Category: 24

24: Live Another Day – Hour 4 recap

24
PREVIOUSLY ON 24: Kate interrogated the seven dwarves; Mark has started practicing for a career as a sports memorabilia forger; Erik brought up Kate’s husband AGAIN; Audrey continued to float around people like a dementor, only scarier; Margot and Simone practiced playing the game Operation; Heller was surprised to find out that Parliament talks back, just like the mirror he practices speeches in front of; Simone needs to learn that a stuffed animal with cameras for eyes is not an appropriate gift to accept from your mother, especially a mother that appears to have ambitions to be a security guard; Jack tries to sneak into the embassy to find Tanner and the flight key and is feeling a lot better now that he’s been able to yell, shoot a few thighs, and cause some havoc.

The following takes place between 2 pm and 3 pm:

2pm – Mass panic! Protests! It’s likely someone saw Audrey in an embassy window. Jack tells Chloe that he’s used that diversion to get inside the embassy. The only problem is Erik and Kate saw him outside, and are pretty sure he’s not there to take pictures with the guards outside. Jack says that he’s going to try and get the flight key from inside the embassy. Many people are running around, and after picking out a nice guard, Jack gives him a big old hug. A big Jack Bauer Hug that lasts just a little bit too long. (Jack’s been out in the field for a long time.) The guard passes out from the sheer joy of it. Chloe gives Jack the floor, room number, make, model and serial number of the door lock, plus the origin of the metal used to make the lock. This gives Jack enough information to find the right room. He grabs the guard’s security card as a souvenir and runs.

Chloe complains that Chell screwed up the ID that Jack was going to use to get into the embassy and that if she’d used a number instead of a Little Orphan Annie secret code none of this would be happening. Adrian is still upset that Chloe brought Jack to their secret location, which is the only secret Adrian actually doesn’t want the world to know about. Adrian tries to justify what he’s doing, but Chloe wants none of it. Chloe tells him to “get out of my sight” and she’s not talking about a website. Adrian just stares at her, but despite trying, staring at Chloe like that doesn’t turn her to stone.

Jack’s thug friend tells Chloe it’s going to be tough to get Jack out of an embassy full of marines. Chloe says she knows that, and that Embassy Full Of Marines was the name of her first band in college. Also, that she owes Jack her life, her sorry, and her monopoly. Jack’s thug friend says he owes Jack too, and that he’s pretty sure that Adrian isn’t doing anything that isn’t in his own self interest.

At the embassy, Erik and Kate meet a marine that magically figures out that when they identify themselves as “agents”, they mean CIA agents. They convince the marine that Jack is a threat and foolishly only bring eight other marines with them.

Tanner is being held in an absolute ultra mega low security room with absolutely nobody guarding him. This allows Jack to enter the room with one card swipe. This must be an absolutely new card key lock because it works so well.

Inside room, Tanner is just staring off into space when Jack arrives. Jack doesn’t realize there’s soldier in the room guarding Tanner. Jack makes up a story pretty quickly. He tells the soldier:

There once was a man named Jack,
Who came to move soldiers during an attack,
But when he got there,
The guard with short hair,
Turned to the phone and got a whack.

Not realizing Jack was predicting the future, the guard turns to answer a ringing phone and Jack whacks him in the back of the head.

Jack explains to a freaked out Tanner that he knows Tanner is innocent all about the drone that was taken over. Jack just wants the flight key so he can stop the pending attack. Tanner does what anyone would do in this situation: He asks Jack why he should believe him. Tanner thinks about this much too long, and finally tells Jack that the key is with Captain Denovo, who is the guy Jack just knocked out.

Back on Chloe’s new cable channel London Embassy TV, there’s a development: The herd of marines plus Kate and Erik are on the stairs headed Jack’s way. Jack quickly finds the flight key on Denovo, thanks Tanner, and leaves.

2:07 pm – Jack leaves just as the Marine herd arrives to find Tanner just sitting there in his room like nothing happened. Nothing except Captain Denovo seems to have mysteriously passed out for no apparent reason. Denovo wakes up and tells them about Jack’s coat that he’s wearing.

Jack tries to exit the building but the key card swiper is just not as new as the other one and it doesn’t work. Jack quickly realizes that the embassy has its own private network line. He asks Chloe to help him find it. Chloe tells him that a lot more marines are arriving and that there’s NO WAY he could possibly exit the building. Apparently Chloe has forgotten who she’s talking to. Jack tells her to find the communications room, and he runs down the hall. He finds what looks like a bathroom just in time for the commercial.

Commercial

2:13pm – Back at Margot’s House of Hidden Cameras, Margot has taken some time out of spying on her daughter and husband long enough to find out that the drone system will be ready to use in about an hour.

Simone and her husband are in bed. The husband says that he’s going to leave, because he’s getting a little creeped out by her mother. Also, he doesn’t feel good about killing people. He tells Simone that he’s waited for a week to carry through with his plan to leave. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and something tells me he’s going to get that wish, but it’s just not going to be as long as he hopes. She agrees to go with him.

Steve (no relation) Navarro calls and as usual, he’s right on top of things. He says that Flash came up on his web browser and it said that beside desperately needing an upgrade right away, it shows the embassy is on lock down for no reason he can fathom. Kate tells him it is, surprise, Jack Bauer. The marines with her crouch down with their guns drawn, just in case they see Jack. Kate, meanwhile doesn’t seem to have a care in the world as she walks behind them, completely upright, while talking to Steve.

2:17 pm – Jack heads downstairs to yet another basement, as Chloe directs him. He finds the communications room, which is filled with computer people dressed up like they’re all going to a job interview, because they sure are not dressed like computer people.

Chloe tells Jack how to use the computer, which is new for Jack because he’s always had Chloe do this sort of thing for him. The marines are closing in, now in an even bigger hurry because they think they’ll be able to get Jack to sign all their guns. While Jack is trying to upload the data to Chloe, he makes her promise that no matter what happens, she’ll get out of that eye makeup. Also, that she’ll get the data to Heller, if he’s still sane. Suddenly, the data connection drops! Adrian just happens to have a cool program that Jack can download in order to decrypt the data and get it uploaded back to them. It’s really lucky that Adrian knows the exact operating system, software libraries and version numbers that Jack is using, because otherwise this would never work.

The marines are right outside the door. Jack orders one of the computer people to open the door. After making sure that the marines are wearing the good, new body armor, he has the door opened and shoots a couple of them. The door slams shut. The marines, in frustration, shoot the door, because they really, really want that door dead.

Commercial

2:23pm – Margot asks Simone if she wants a tea, earl grey, hot. Margot confronts her about her husband, Navin, while someone plays a weird little gong sound in the background. Simone tells Margot everything that Navin said, and then appears to be worried that Margot will hurt him in some way. Margot says that he’s already been hurt enough by all the rejection he used to get on That 70’s show, and she’ll do what ever it takes to make sure he pilots those drones.

Heller’s in Parliament, still talking for the last 25 minutes. He says that he wishes he could cast a spell “like in that Hogwarts you have here” and make the bodies come back to life. He tells them he wants them to move forward together. And then to the side. And back. And then to shake it all about.

Mark gets a phone call from Steve (no relation) who tells him that Jack is in the communications room with hostages. He tells them that it’s not looking good because Jack has ordered pizza so it might be a while.

Mark tells Steve that he’s disappointed in his performance. Most of the audience agrees with him, but that’s not important now. What’s important is that the marines are there. Mark tells him that “I need to know what you know.” That should take about five seconds.

Adrian and Chloe argue about the size of Jack’s core processor, which is not a euphemism. The encryption program is just not working very fast.

Since Jack has nothing to do but wait, he decides to take a phone call from the audience. First caller: Captain Kevin Cordaro. The captains tries to threaten Jack by saying he’d like to work together, which works just about as well as anyone to expect, since Jack barely works with people he DOES like. Jack threatens to kill the hostages, but at the same time shakes his head as if to say, “no no, I’m just saying that” and hangs up. Several of the hostages look like they’re going to need new underwear. Meanwhile, the Cordaro is more concerned about the marines getting shot than the hostages.

Up in Tanner’s room, Erik and Kate arrive. Erik tells Tanner that Jack is downstairs surrounded by marines, so Tanner shouldn’t expect any help. This obviously means that Erik has never read Jack’s CTU personnel file.

Kate asks Tanner what his relationship is with Jack. Tanner says he doesn’t swing that way, and he and Jack just met. Erik says he doesn’t believe him. Tanner SWEARS he doesn’t swing that way. Kate asks a lot nicer, and Tanner finally tells them what Jack said: That the key holds the key to the key of the drone attack and that is key. Plus, that the drone was taken over and is going to be used in an attempted attack later this season. Kate and Erik leave.

As they walk down the hall, Erik says “We should have pushed him harder!” Kate says that wouldn’t have worked because he looked really stable in that chair he was sitting in. And besides, Kate believes him. She tells Erik she wants to talk to Bauer about this drone threat.

Heller is STILL talking to Parliament but finally seems to be wrapping up. They all applaud because he’s finally finished, and it’s getting closer to tea time. Heller, Audrey and Mark move to another room after the speech.

Mark explains that the protests outside aren’t going like usual protests go, and not only did people break in, but there are hostages. Oh, and Jack Bauer.

Audrey and Heller are surprised that Jack’s in town, because he’s usually not in town during this time of year. Mark tries to enforce the fact that while Jack hasn’t fatally shot anyone, the way you’d expect, it’s really important that the marines go in after him right away. Heller says to not make any moves until he’s had a chance to talk to Jack about this great opportunity to buy gold coins.

Commercial
2:37 pm – Navin is packing his bag as Simone and Margot enter the room. He says it’s just a backpack with his Dungeon and Dragon’s stuff. Margot doesn’t believe him, and says that he’s got a stain on him. Seeing how surprised he looks, I’m not surprised.

Margot gives Navin a chance to pilot the drones. He picks this time to stand up to Margot. He tells her that those drones are going to be used for evil delivery purposes, probably by big companies with huge warehouses and discount prices. Margot says that she’s very disappointed, and that her dead husband, even though he’s dead, is also very disappointed, but in a way that only the dead can be. She says she knows a thing or two about dead relatives because one of the last ones she had was beheaded at a castle.

Navin swears on a stack of his D&D books that he’ll never pilot the drones, no matter what Margot does to him. She says she believes him.

Margot tells her thugs to bring Simone over and to take her ring off. Well, these guys aren’t too bright and actually chop off one of her fingers. Margot tells the thug to do it again, but correctly. This really freaks out Navin (not the mention Simone) and he agrees to pilot the drone.

Back in the third sub-basement of the embassy, Kate tells Cardovo that she really needs to talk to Jack, just in case this whole drone attack is real, and not some mega-website publicity stunt. He says, “I’m not introducing any more variables into this equation. This conversation is over,” which leads both Erik and Kate to believe this Cardovo might be a robot.

Kate calls Steve (no relation) Navaro, and Navaro wants to know if she debriefed Tanner. She says no, he still has his underwear, but she did get to talk to him. She goes on to explain what Jack has been saying.

Navaro tells her that Jack will be receiving a phone call from Heller any minute now. He hangs up. Jordan, who is there with Navaro, says that if they’d all just listened to Kate in the first place, none of this would be going on. Navaro doesn’t take this very well and accuses Jordan of having a crush on Kate, which is exactly the kind of high school gossip we come to expect from people in his position. And then he goes on to say that Kate doesn’t have good judgment because she not only didn’t realize her husband would betray the country, but that she also dated a guy named Bryce who once downloaded a whole bunch of classified pictures which got uploaded to someone’s head. These people really need to re-enforce this plot point because we haven’t heard it in nearly an hour.

The phone rings. Jack answers. The voice says, “It’s me.” Jack says, “Donald Sutherland?” No, it’s just President Heller. He’s very disappointed that Jack shot people. Jack points out that it was only a flesh wound. Besides, he’s Jack Bauer so if he wanted them dead, they’d be off to visit the choir invisible.
Jack goes on to say that he believes that drone system is vulnerable, and that any minute now packages could start raining down from the sky. Heller says, “Explain that, Jack.” Jack goes into great detail about planes, helicopters, and flying things, using small words so the President, and everyone else on the line can understand.

He finally explains the takeover of Tanner’s drone by Yates, and that Margot is going to use it in a very bad way.

Heller asks why Jack didn’t just come to him in the first place. Jack explains that the White House only has limited visiting hours, and usually the president is no where to be seen on any of these tours. Plus, he’s been labeled as terrorist, still had the label, and it will just not come off. He’s also never been able to tell his side of the story, so he’s a little miffed about that. Jack tells Heller he’s never lied to him, about him, near him, under him, over him, at him, or through him, so he should believe him now. Heller tells Jack to stay by the phone, which is kind of silly because with a room that small Jack has no choice.

Audrey believes Jack, which proves that even in her current state, she can be somewhat lucid. Mark is completely against believing Jack. He points out that Jack broke Chloe out of CIA custody, and that Jack is much more manly than he is. Also that Open Cell, the group Jack is working with, uploaded 30,000 documents of web page histories of everyone in Congress, which lead to a lot of embarrassing stories.

To drive home is point, he points out that Jack killed a lot of people before, and that’s why he shouldn’t be trusted. Heller loses his mind, not realizing that Jack did this quite a bit in the old days, and gives the order that the marines can go in when they’re ready.

Commercial

2:51pm – Chloe shows Adrian some old Youtube videos of America’s Funniest Drone attacks and points out that the missiles on the new drones are a lot bigger. They’re going to do a lot more damage, and frankly, she really doesn’t want to see London destroyed, which would dash her hopes of being able to see the Monty Python reunion.

Adrian, who still hasn’t cleared his throat of phlegm, points out that he has been trying to help. Kind of. Adrian makes a big mistake, and asks Chloe why she just can’t let Jack go. You can tell Chloe didn’t like this at all.

Back at sub-basement three, Cardovo makes a little speech about how if they sense Jack is a threat at all, they should shoot him.. He dismisses everyone and then calls a guy who looks about 15 over, and tells him to shoot Jack on sight no matter what happens. Like in Call of Duty.

Kate’s on the phone with Navaro as Jordan brings up Margot’s home page on the web, which confirms that Jack didn’t just make up her name.

Kate realizes something that no one else, even the people with plans to the building, has thought – that they might able to get into the room with Jack using the giant human-size air ducts.

2:54 pm – Kate goes into the air duct, even with that brand new sweater she’s wearing.

Mark and Audrey argue. Audrey’s really upset with Mark, and she knows that Mark is really scared of Jack.

Chloe realizes that cable company is on to her, because her cable feed goes out, and she can’t watch what the marines are doing anymore.

The marines are about to go in, so Jack starts rearranging the furniture.

One of the marines sees that there’s a symbol on his Candy Crush game he can’t explain, because it’s all “Kate-shaped” and headed to the room where Jack is. Erik tells Cordovo about Kate’s plan, but he won’t listen.

Kate breaks into the room, and pinky swears that she believes Jack.

The marines blow up the door, and Kate saves Jack by sitting on him. The marines don’t fire on Jack.

The upload doesn’t make it.

At Margot’s House of One Less Finger, the drone takeover system is online!

3:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: Missing flight key! Margot has six drones! Margot gets her own TV channel! Jack wants to be outstanding in his field! Drone missiles!

24: Live Another Day – Hour 3 recap

24

PREVIOUSLY ON 24: Jack lead a bunch of CIA agents in a “Running of the Bauer” event through London; A cohort of Jack’s did some street demolition; Chloe, who might have gone Goth or Emo, or a combination of the two, was saved by Jack and is now helping him; Heller has become President, but keeps forgetting where he left Audrey; Audrey has been assigned to torture duty and got married to chief of staff Mark; Yates learned that people in blonde wigs who speak with Russian accents think ears are actually pencil sharpeners; Catelyn Stark is now Margo and has taken up amateur drone flying.

The following takes place between 1pm and 2pm:

1 pm – Jack and Chloe drive up to the only pub in London with nearly no one in it at lunchtime. Jack uncharacteristically runs into the Little Bauer Room, only to find Yates dead on the ground. Jack pulls his gun and threatens several bathroom stall doors, but they don’t tell him anything, despite being stomped.

Chloe doesn’t see anything on any cameras near the pub because the Blonde Ex-Russian left by the one exit in London not covered by cameras. Jack finds a wig, and realizes that it is very unlikely that a dumpster would be wearing a wig, especially a blonde one. It has to be the girl, so they decide to start looking for any woman not wearing a wig.

There’s a subway near there, and not the sandwich kind. Chloe finds the woman nearly instantly because of the silver suitcase she’s carrying. The subway train she’s headed out on is Waterloo, which is sure to excite not only Bill and Ted, but also Napolean – that is, if they can get back in time for their school report. Jack heads for the subway, just as we see the woman inside a subway car as it moves away.

Meanwhile, Kate is either interrogating the seven dwarves, or men on their knees. She shows a guy with a Bauer hickey a picture of Jack she’s got on probably the only black and white camera phone on earth. She tries to trick that guy into talking, but one of the others, probably Doc, speaks up. Kate realizes this guy is in charge, because extras don’t usually speak on shows like this.

Erik gets a phone call – it’s Steve (no relation). Steve’s upset because he’s gotten reports that Americans are running around shooting things, and the British know that, because that’s what Americans usually do when they’re in London. Steve tells Erik to get out of there, because they’re having a crisis. And he means more of a crisis than Americans running around shooting things. He finally tells Erik that Kate shouldn’t even be there.

Doc tells Kate to naughty-word off, since they’re not the real police. He can tell this because they don’t have those funny round hats and whistles. Erik tells Kate that Steve is really mad, and that everyone has to be let go. She starts to argue that she has a contract until the end of the show, until she realizes that Erik means the dwarven prisoners. The dwarves all look very relieved that they’ll soon be doing something safer – traveling to Smaug.

Kate doesn’t like this at all, and plays Duck, Duck, Solid Bar To The Back Of The Head with Doc, who promptly falls over, not face first, but back of the head first which is pretty impressive since he was instantly knocked out. Kate wants to take Doc with them. Erik complains that the police won’t like it they find CIA agents there, until he realizes HE’S a CIA agent, and he better get out of there soon. They carry Doc to the car.

Elsewhere, Jack does some typical American tourist thing, driving on the correct side of the road, which is the wrong side in London. They reach the subway station ahead of the subway train, because London has no traffic, just like LA.

The train arrives at stop 9 and 3 quarters, and Jack jumps on. Jack makes his way towards the woman who just happens to notice that Jack is wearing all black and has an ear piece. So, she does something unbelievable – she cuts her own fish net stockings! She’s so frazzled that she accidentally cuts her leg too. As she exits, she smears blood on her face, thinking a rouge disguise might throw him off the track, but Jack spots the ploy right away.

She yells for help, and instantly two guys try to stop Jack. They’ve never heard of Jack before, so they don’t realize how foolish this was to try until .3 seconds later when they’re down on the ground incapacitated.

This is long enough for the woman to get away, even tough she’s the only one with red hair in the whole place. The woman finds a open gate, and jumps down into another part of the subway system, losing Jack!

On the street, Chloe continues to look for the woman, but gets sidetracked because she sees a man, woman and child that look a heck of a lot like her ex-husband Morris, her son, and the way she looks. Well, if the husband was 20 pounds lighter, if the son was 4 years older, and if Chloe grew her hair out and actually dressed in colors.

While she’s distracted, the woman walks right by Chloe and gets into a taxi, which thinks nothing of people with blood on their face getting rides. The taxi drives off.

Jack can’t believe she’s gone. Jack says, “You missed her? How?” Chloe tells him that it is very insensitive to do Indian impressions, and besides she just wants to go back. She’s really upset and explains that Morris and her son are both dead because of a car accident. She thinks it is her fault because she should have been driving, and thinks that she was target because she knows what really happened the last day she saw Jack.

Jack tells her “You can’t bring back the ones you love”. Chloe tells him that’s not how that Spike Jones song goes, and he should listen to more Dr. Demento. Jack says he doesn’t want to make Chloe do anything (like that would work, even for Jack), but he needs her help.

Commercial

1:18 pm – Back in his office, Mark stares at his computer screen, pondering his next app purchase. There’s a knock and Mark uses his x-ray vision to invite Ron into the room.

Ron tells him he has a rendition order all ready to go. Ron says that they really can’t turn Jack over to the Russians because of all these “legal” things, and besides they’ll need the President’s signature. Mark says he’s pretty sure that all he’d have to do is tell Heller that he’s signing an autograph, and it’ll all be OK.

Suddenly, they are both scared to death by the entrance of … AUDREY. They both scoot away as she enters the room, cornering them. She wants to know what they’re talking about. Mark lies and tells her that they were talking about the soldier who is really bad at video games. Ron narrowly escapes as he eases past Audrey.

Audrey is out of her mind upset that Mark would actually try and prep her father for actual hard trivia questions that Parliament is likely to ask. She’s particularly upset about the double Jeopardy category and the fact that Alex Trebec wasn’t even there.

Mark says that Heller is in a compromised state and it would be foolish for him to try and get Parliament to go along with the lease extension. Audrey says this has nothing to do with Illinois, and she will not put up with having her father put on a leash, even with an extension.

Mark thinks they should go home, and try and work out things from there using “back channels”. Audrey asks if that means channels above 13 on the dial. Mark convinces Audrey that she should be the one that gets Heller to go along with this idea. Audrey leaves, leaving Mark unharmed. To celebrate, Mark decides to commit a federal offense and forge the President’s signature on the rendition order that Ron brought in.

Elsewhere, Jack and Chloe are doing the tourist thing and driving around London. Chloe spends her time looking up the woman, and discovers her real name is Simone Al-Harazi, which they both agree doesn’t sound very Russian. Jack realizes that Margot is her Mom. Margot is likely to be upset because her al-Qaida husband was beheaded in a drone attack when they were together. It turns out these drones are REALLY precise and Margot got away, even though she was right next to her husband at the time.

1:22 pm – Turns out that Margot has been doing pretty well for herself after the drone strike, because she’s got a nice house with a lot of flowers in the back. Margot notices Simone’s leg, and Simone assures her that she has no idea who the American who was follow her is, because she doesn’t read live blogs or watch American television. They give each other an awkward hug.

Simone goes inside and greets her brother, completing the terrorist family reunion. The brother says that Yates used a “non-standard” bus, and is very upset it’s not SCSI or even IEEE-488. Margot asks how long it’ll take, and he gives an engineer’s answer “about an hour, maybe more”. Margot gives a manager’s answer and says “Make it less”.

Simone notices the words on the video monitors with red background and that can only mean that the targeting is done! She’s so excited. Then she gets even more excited when someone that looks like a older version of Fez from That 70’s Show walks into the room. She starts speaking Arabic to him (Nadeen), because they haven’t done subtitles in a while. Margot looks none too pleased by their display of affection. In fact, either does Fez.

Margot sends out Simone to get a new pair of fishnet stockings. And to clean up the gash that has already stopped bleeding. Margot explains to Nadeen that sometimes even she had to do disgusting things, like be in this season of 24, and no one should hold that against Simone. Besides, it’s not like they were all invited to a wedding where people locked the doors behind them. Margot explains that she used to cut her fishnet stockings in the past too, but it was necessary because they’re all at war.

Commercial

1:30pm – Chloe and Jack arrive back at Nerd camp. Adrian asks why they’re back, and Jack explains that they need to carry out further plot points. Jack goes on to explain that Yates has taken 10 prototype Amazon drones, armed them with Hellfire missiles and Amazon Prime. That means that at the very least, the missiles will cause havoc all over London several days earlier than if they went through the normal delivery methods. Adrian tries to point out that if America hadn’t invented Amazon Prime than there wouldn’t be an issue. Chloe looks disgusted that these boys are arguing like that, and re-writes Windows 8 to be more stable while they carry on.

Adrian, Jack and Chloe discuss that what they really need is proof that Tanner’s drone was taken over, and they’ll need a flight plan. One of the up until now silent background nerds goes into a little speech about how the pilot’s name is Tanner and that it’s been all over the news. Chloe shoots him a look as if to say, “We just said his name, right over there! This is the second time I’ve been right next to someone and they can’t hear me!”. Other nerds in the room find out that Tanner is going to be handed over to the British embassy soon, so Jack and Chloe are going to need some help. Adrian agrees.

Kate is using Google Maps to continue to search for Pokemon from last April Fool’s day while she and Erik drive with Doc in the back of the car. Doc has fixed himself somehow with a gauze bandage. Doc will not shut up.

1:33 – Erik drives into a tunnel that just happens to be where a dangerous gang of thugs that Doc has previous experience with are standing around. You can tell they’re dangerous because there’s graffiti everywhere. Kate threatens Doc with an ejection seat unless he talks. He won’t talk, so Kate hits the button… which lets down the window a little. This completely freaks out Doc, and he says that Yates has been talking about Tanner, and several episodes of Breaking Bad. That makes Erik and Kate mad because they’re a season behind on Netflix. Fortunately for Doc, even though he’s freaking out and yelling, the thugs have extremely bad vision and can’t tell who’s in the car. They drive off before the thugs can even do a thing.

Meanwhile, at a very violent looking peace protest outside of the U.S. Embassy, Tanner arrives by limo. Everyone’s yelling at the limo like Lou is holding up a sign for Springsteen.

Commercial

1:39pm – Margot attempts to stitch up her fishnet stockings, accidentally stitching up Simone instead. Margot tells Simone that she should be careful, because the American, whomever he was, found her once, when he shouldn’t have at all. Margot finishes and leaves, while Simone looks mysteriously around the room.

In the Erik/Kate car, they’re STILL driving around, meaning that they’re taking the very long way around back to headquarters despite driving very quickly. Kate says that the DOD app on her iPad says that Tanner claims someone took over his video game, probably using screen sharing technology. Kate says, “There’s something that makes all these pieces fit together…what are we not seeing?” Erik says, “A Plot?” Erik goes on to point out, yet again, that even though Kate is pretty sharp, she was still the one that was married to an agent for the Chinese, and didn’t even know it! Also, “Neener-Neerer”.

Kate’s phone rings: It’s Steve (again, no relation). Turns out that Kate’s team tattled on her, and she shouldn’t be doing anything. That is until Kate tells him that they were able to get some info. Then Steve says, “Well, then that’s OK then.”

Heller watches TV which announces that the crowd outside has nearly tripled, which means there’s probably about 10 people out there now, but they’re making a lot of noises due to enhanced special effects. Oh, and he’s in his bathrobe.

Audrey enters the room, and while they watch TV, Heller says, “They want blood”, which gets Audrey very excited, until she realized he doesn’t mean that literally. They want justice for what Tanner did.

Audrey mutes the TV. Heller picks up the remote to mute Audrey, but it doesn’t work. She says that she wants to talk to him about his appearance and Parliament. He says he’s perfectly comfortable in a bathrobe, and will wear it if he wants to, despite what Mark is worried about.

Heller insists that the treaty is going to have to happen here and now. Audrey points out that would be silly because there’s no one else here, and Mark wouldn’t like that. She tells Heller that he should continue to get dressed because it turns out the robe he’s wearing is a lot shorter than she realized.

Meanwhile, outside the U.S. Embassy, the mob continues to carry on. So, logically, Jack is in the street headed right for it and easily walks through the crowd. Except for one guy who pushes Jack. Luckily for him, Jack is in a hurry, so Jack doesn’t shoot him. Jack walks up to the non-angry line outside the embassy.

Back at Nerd Camp, Adrian changes the fake id code that Jack is going to try to use to get into the embassy with 8675309. The Nerd girl points out that not only is his name not Jenny, but it will also get Jack flagged by security.

Commercial

1:51 – Nadeen is still trying to come to terms with Simone being with another guy and takes a drink of alcohol, which would make Margot furious, not only because it’s against her religion, but also because it’s her super expensive stash. Simone is concerned that Nadeen still hasn’t come to terms with what she had to do, to get the drone controller. Simone says that she HAD to kiss the nerd, but she swears he tasted terrible.

It turns out that Nadeen is having second thoughts about this whole “killing” thing. And “victims” and “blood”, and “nightmares”. This just isn’t working out the way it always does in the video games he plays, so he’s disillusioned. Simone says all the killing is perfectly AOK, because that’s what psychotic people do. She starts to kiss him while Margot watches on the ultra-creepy cam.

1:54 pm – The Prime Minister greets the President when he arrives, strangely out of site of any protestors. The PM suggests the President not address the Parliament, mainly because they’re not an envelope, but also because they are a really surly bunch like a pack of rabid congresspeople. Heller says he’s “with Churchill on this one”, forgetting that Churchill has been dead for quite some time but walks off before the PM can point this out.

Meanwhile Mark and Audrey argue about Heller, until she reveals that Mark keeps her in a box like a fragile keepsake. Mark points out that he only does this for his safety and the safety of all those around him, and that he has a key for that box.

The PM enters Parliament and introduces Heller, who’s going to speak to them. He gets out the words “Ladies and Gentlemen” and people start yelling, really confusing Heller, at least for now.

There’s a whole montage of scenes, which is mainly in place to waste a bit of time until the last scene.

Erik and Kate arrive where they were headed to so fast: The U.S. Embassy, which Jack arrived at long, long ago.

Jack, meanwhile, finally gets to the front of the line. The guard asks why Jack is there, and he says “To kick ass and take names. And visa versa”. The ID tag doesn’t match! There’s a tense moment back at Nerd Camp, and Chloe realizes Jack is in deep trouble. Jack walks away, beats up a policeman, grabs his gun and thigh shoots the guy that pushed him before! And someone else for good measure, causing mass panic. Jack runs into along with the crowd into the embassy with Kate and Erik hot in pursuit. Kate yells “Bauer” a couple of times, thinking that might stop Jack.

NEXT TIME: Elbow hits! Jack talks to Tanner! Hostages! Exploding doors!

24: Live Another Day – Hour 1 and 2 Recap

24
Many of you know that I wrote recaps for 24 over on Dave Barry’s Blog when the show was running. The show ended four years ago.

Well, it was back last night, and the tradition continues. Here’s my recap of hours 1 and 2 of Live Another Day:

LAST TIME ON “24”:

Madam President used her phone a friend to stop her agents from trying to kill Jack Bauer, which was a good thing because she would have ended up with a bunch of dead agents; Jack was warned by Madam President that the US and Russians were going to be after him, and not because they wanted his autograph; Chloe made a promise to Jack to watch after Jack’s daughter Kim and her family and sensed an opportunity to start “Chloe’s CTU Day Care”.

Chloe’s last words on the show where “Shut it down”, but after several seconds of careful scientific analysis of the video, I’ve found out that she follows that by mumbling “…but Jack will be back!”

24 Fans, we gather together here, on this blog, to witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational Jack Bauer!

LET’S GO!

No boop noises, so you know something weird is going on…

Several very short-haired guys looking around a London market for bargains, and they seem to be disturbed that even this place can’t beat Walmart.

At some place that looks remarkably like CTU, Steve (no relation) Navarro asks where they are on satellite tracking, at which point everyone breaks out their iPhones and brings up Google Maps.

A blonde woman quietly packs up her office, which she’s doing a remarkably good job of because she’s even packed some of the walls. This woman’s name is Kate. Someone named Marianna asks for Kate’s encryption keys and passcodes. These need to be handed in because no one at this place has figured out that can just change each of those, and because they’ve been told by their upper managers that all encryption keys and passcodes need to be reused to save money.

Kate asks what’s going on out there, and Marianna tells her they have a high value target that they’re trying to track in London. Kate says, “Barry Manilow?” Marianna says, “No, I said HIGH value target.” They both laugh. Kate asks, “Is it connected to the President being here?” Marianna tells her no, the President doesn’t have anything chained to him, because he’s like…the President.

Meanwhile, back at the market, the three guys meet up with two more, plus a homeless guy and get their guns ready to break into the back of a warehouse. The homeless guy cracks open a hole in the side of the wall and throws his prized robot into the room where they find someone sleeping. They break into the warehouse and find a stock pile of homeless people that haven’t been put out on the Walmart shelves yet. After throwing some Dollar General smoke bombs into the room, they try to find who they’re looking for.

The person they’re looking for isn’t there, but he is on the run. One of the guys who broke into the warehouse runs to try to find him, and runs right into a fist. Several times. The people back at makeshift CTU are watching this on a camera the guy was wearing, and it’s…. JACK BAUER! Jack looks just like Jack used to, except now he’s in a hoodie, which is what all the cool ex-CTU agents are wearing these days.

Jack beats up several other agents, all without firing a shot. He even uses a gate to take one of the agents out. Finally, one of the agents decides to shoot at Jack which is always a bad idea. Jack shoots back, but strangely, doesn’t hit a thing. Jack is out of practice.

Meanwhile, back at CTU, Kate starts giving Jack advice about how to escape, not realizing Jack can’t hear her. Jack runs outside, hits several people, beats up a few empty crates, and heads to the river. Jack jumps over the railing and… GETS CAPTURED. He just looks really mad. So mad, that he sets the boop machine off.

11:06 am – President William Devane, in disguise as President James Heller immediately violates the first rule of being a President on “24”: Never stand in front of a window. After President All State, you’d think he would know that. Anyway, he’s in town for a drone convention, and to explain why Amazon is using them to deliver assassinations to terrorists, which is much quicker than using Amazon Prime. He’s also in town trying to convince England to keep an American base. He’s informed that no other country is comfortable with even going to first base with America, let alone second or third.

The Chinese are ticked off about this whole thing, and the Navy are holding a “friendship tour”, which coincidentally Jack Bauer participated in several seasons ago. The President takes the time to hold an impromptu history lesson about Roosevelt, which the whole staff appears to be worried about . Heller says that he has to go work on his speech, and needs to “go to the sandbox” because he drank too much each. Everyone leaves.

Before he leaves, Mark decides to tell Heller that he really doesn’t know trivia, and corrects him. Instead of doing what he would have done as a previous Secretary of Defense (and kill him), Heller laughs it off and tells him the he’d make a good Pat Sayjak on The Price Is Right.

Steve calls Mark and says that he has Jack Bauer. Mark asks “Are you sure?” Steve says, “No, I’m Steve, but thanks for asking. Oh, and it is really Jack Bauer. It’s tattooed on the back of his neck.” Both of them think that Jack being in London is no coincidence. Mark seems really angry about this, so angry that he wants Jack transfer to “extra naughty, naughty” custody. He hangs up and tells a minion that overheard this that no one should hear about this. The minion doesn’t point out that it’s too late, because HE’S already heard it.

Back at CTU, Kate is doing some extracurricular spying, trying to figure out why Jack didn’t try and get away on rooftops, considering Jack’s affinity for Parkour. She tells Steve that Jack is up to something, because Jack wouldn’t be this careless after being off the grid for four years. Steve thinks Jack just misses driving around in black cars.

COMMERCIAL

11:15 am – At a US Air Force Base, a guy playing a black and white video game hands over the game to a new guy who just ran into the room. The new guy phones General Sheperd in order to get a reprimand from, and get grounded for not flying his drones properly.

11:17 am – Steve decides he wants to interrogate Jack himself before the Extra Naughty, Naughty Squad gets there.

11:18 am – Kate talks to Erik, who also thinks that Jack should have tried to escape via the roof. Erik won’t give any information to Kate, even though she asks for it. She has enough clearance to still be there in CTU playing with computers, but not enough clearance for that information. A guy in a beard helpfully points out that Jack is being streamed on Google Hangouts on a monitor right in the open. The monitor apparently DOES have clearance, but only clearance in black and white, not color.

11:19 am – Erik tattletales to Steve on Kate for asking about Jack. We find out that Kate’s husband was selling Ancient Chinese Secrets, and she’s getting kicked out of there because of it.

Beard guy (Jordan) says that he has the information for Kate, but since it’s so important, he waits to tell her that she should fight the transfer. Kate points out that fighting the transfer will do no good, because it’s people that will make that decision, not a piece of paper.

Kate reads that the Prague Police had a tip about Jack. It says “Doo doo doo doo, dah dah dah dah”. It also has a timestamp that’s out of sequence, which proves that the message from Prague is fake, planted by someone.

Down in the interrogation, the agent watching Jack is pretty impressed with Jack’s vital signs, which are steady as a rock, as if Jack is either a killing machine, a robot, or not worried about anything in particular. Or that maybe the sensors they attached to him don’t have a good connection. Maybe all of the above.

Steve walks in to talk to Jack. He goes into a monologue about how Jack is considered a criminal. Jack just gives him a Jack Stare, but it could well be that he’s just asleep.

Further downstairs in an even MORE secret dungeon, an agent announces that Jack is going to be down in a few minutes. The special agent in charge of naughty, naughty interrogation walks into a room where CHLOE is strapped down on a table. It appears they’ve been doing psychotic grunge makeup experiments on her. The agent injects something into Chloe, and from her screams, we can only imagine it induces her to think of Justin Bieber.

COMMERCIAL

11:28 – Mark is in his office, looking at Jack’s VERY impressive Game Center kill list when he’s interrupted by a high pitched screech from someone saying “I’m almost ready”. It’s AUDREY! That can only mean that Mark must have lost some kind of bet. He tries to convince her to not go the reception, mainly because he doesn’t want to be seen with her. They discuss President Heller’s condition, which is undoubtedly caused by having Audrey as a daughter.

Mark’s minion, who is trying to impersonate Batman’s voice, says that he has an update about Jack.

11:30 – The minion tells Mark that Jack is about to go to the Naughty, Naughty room, and that he’ll probably go to trial afterwords. Mark doesn’t think that’s the best course of action after Jack is interrogated. Mark says, “He could disappear.” The minion says that he doesn’t believe Jack has the power of invisibility, but anything is possible. Mark wants Jack handed over to the Russians. Mark is really mad about Jack and what he did to the Heller family. He says that Audrey was lifeless, unresponsive, under psychiatric care, not expected to recover… Which is all normal operating mode for Audrey AND he married her like that anyway. And he just stood by her for three years. The minion thinks that’s a very long time to stand next to someone, but doesn’t say anything. Mark swears, “As long as she lives, she’ll never hear the name Jack Bauer”. The minion takes this as a sign to kill Audrey, but then realizes that Mark only meant that Audrey has earplugs now.

President Heller and Audrey exit the building with Mark, to see a big crowd protesting Audrey’s return to the show. They even have “No Drones” signs to reinforce this point.

Steve asks Jack if he can call him “Jack”, which is kinda weird because I’m not sure what else he would be called, unless they started calling him “Jack Jack”. Steve informs Jack that he could arrange it so he could talk to his daughter Kim, who had another baby, and they know what causes that now.

Jordan tells Kate that they figured out where that mis-timestamped message came from. It was just three blocks from where Jack was captured. Kate thinks this is really weird, and thinks Jack planted the message.

Kate tells Steve that Jack wanted to get captured, and in true CTU form, Steve doesn’t take this seriously. Marianna comes down to tell them both that the orders came through, and Jack is being transferred. Possibly for a CTU agent to be named later. Kate runs back into the room and locks it. She tells Jack she knows he planted the message and that he’s after someone. After seeing Kate, Jack’s pulse skips a beat, but goes back to normal. Steve gets back into the room and tells her to leave. Fortunately for Jack, Steve continues to ignore Kate, and gets her escorted out of the building. He even takes away her CTU grocery rewards card.

COMMERCIAL

11:40 – Just three people are escorting Jack out of interrogation, which is a huge mistake. Just one person is escorting Kate out of the building, which is an even bigger mistake because she grabs a taser and tests it. It works! Flappy guard all over the floor, didn’t make it past the first set of poles. She hides the guard in a server room, and calls Jordan. She asks if Jack has a prior history with anyone in the building. Jordan asks if she has a crush on Jack. Kate calls him a big silly and to shut up, and he says he’ll call back once he finds out anything.

Outside, a really angry looking service worker (but I’m being redundant) hooks up some wires to a junction box of some kind.

Meanwhile, Erik starts insulting Jack about the way he used to be this big top dog CTU guy, but not anymore. Erik asks to be let into the Naughty, Naughty interrogation room.

Turns out that Jack really might be a robot, because he presses a button under his skin, sending a signal to the service worker, who triggers an outage. Jack proceeds to show Erik and his cohorts why Jack Bauer is still the top dog by beating them all up with both hands handcuffed behind his back. Jack even takes the time to rub it in by sitting on Erik and un-handcuffing himself.

The naughty, naughty interrogation agent opens the door and Jack says hello the way only way Jack knows how, with a gun to the face. He asks to be taken to “her”, warning the guy that if he tries anything funny, he’ll blow his head off. They get into the room and he sees that Chloe is hooked up to an IV, and is unconscious. Jack is really mad that this guy did this to Chloe, and knocks him out.

Jack roots around and finds a huge USB stick and drives it right into Chloe’s chest, rebooting her.

Jack came to save Chloe. Damn right!

Jordan calls Kate to say he’s found a connection. Chloe has changed her named Snowden, and has released a whole bunch of information about House of Representatives spending habits, the fact that the White House pays women less, and the fact that guy who is the head of the Senate likes to dress in women’s clothing, and they’re all really mad at her. Kate correctly assumes that Jack is breaking out Chloe. She finds Erik and one of the guards, and is so mad she shoots an innocent door before heading through it.

Jack tells Chloe to run for cover because he’s going to have some fun. He knocks the knobs off of two gas lines, just as Kate appears. Kate realizes that someone let out some gas, and it wasn’t anything she had for lunch, so she wisely runs for cover as Jack shoots at the gas. Big explosion, large fireball. Doors all the way two floors up inexplicably blow off their hinges.

Outside, the service worker goes to a tool chest and pulls out his standard issue rocket launcher gun, which they issue for these kinds of neighborhoods.

Kate reappears and pulls a gun on Jack. He turns around, makes a mean face.

Again, outside, the service worker shoots the pavement with the launcher, causing a huge explosion right where Kate, Jack and Chloe are. The worker sends down a ladder, and much to his surprise, out pops Jack and Chloe! It’s like this was all planned or something. He takes the ladder so Kate can’t follow. She runs off and the truck drives off. Kate tries to shoot the gate she’s behind out of frustration.

11:53am – Audrey and Heller are riding in the limo. Heller talks about feeling history, which Audrey interprets as an uncomfortable discussion about Heller’s dating Eleanor Roosevelt. She quickly changes the subject to the history lesson where Heller made a mistake, and tells him she’s worried. He just makes a funny face at her, and tells her that he’s terrified he’ll end up like her soon.

11:54 – Back at CTU, there’s a lot of Jack destruction everyone is shifting through. PERIMETER called! Kate says that they should go after Chloe, because she’s been in town longer than Jack has. Steve is unconvinced, and says that he’s under a microscope and can’t do anything. They both look up, don’t see a microscope, and continue to talk. Kate says that beside the fact the she had NO idea that her husband was a traitor, she’s the right person for the job, and proceeds to prove it by trying to blackmail Steve (again, no relation). Steve looks thoughtfully into the distance.

11:56 – Chloe tries to fix her makeup and the car stops. Jack tells her to get somewhere safe. She leaves, and Jack admits he bugged the phone because he’s not sure she would have said “yes” to helping him. And that he doesn’t have friends. And that he can still make a sad face.

Meanwhile, a triangle shaped drone goes flying through the air under the control of the lieutenant who was playing the video game earlier. There was a very bad bug in the software, because the drone launches a missile killing Shepard. The lieutenant is horrified, even though it’s pretty likely he’s not going to be grounded anymore.

12:00 – COMMERCIAL

HOUR 2

Last time on 24: It just happened! What’s wrong with you?

12:00 pm – Chloe’s walking down the street, which apparently is a safe secret place to hide, in London.

At CTU, Kate discovers Chloe’s phone, which Chloe got for a very good price, free, from a stolen shipment. The naughty, naughty interrogation agent wimps out and says they usually get the local police to supply them with free phones.

Kate calls Ken who she convinces to check out the stolen cell phone number from Chloe’s phone. Ken’s been working for CTU, but must be retired because he looks really exasperated that people still keep calling him for info.

Steve tells Erik that Kate’s back on the payroll again, at least for now. Steve tells Erik that he’ll be working with Kate. In case we didn’t hear it the first fifty times, Erik points out that Kate missed the fact that she was married to a SPY selling secrets to the Chinese. Steve points out that in all fairness, Kate’s husband was married to a spy too. Erik’s pretty mad about that.

12:02 pm – Out on the street, Chloe goes to an abandoned building site, which appears completely secure, except for the hole behind a sign, and the twelve jillion graffiti tags all over the place. She goes into the building and buzzes herself in. A bunch of people who look like they’re off versions of the IT Crowd greet her. They even have a completely silent pinball machine, that one of them was playing.

The head of their group, which you can tell because he looks a LOT older than the rest of them, greets her, and asks where she’s been. She sheepishly admits she’s been in a CIA black site, which immediately arouses suspicions because none of them have ever had that happen before. The guy asked if they’ve been compromised, and she tells him that “someone I used to work with broke me out”. The guy says, “That’s impossible.” Her response: “Not for him. It’s Jack Bauer.” They guy pees his pants, just a little, and yells, “Shut it down! We have to move!”

Chloe tries to reassure the guy, but that lasts all of about two seconds because Jack breaks down the door and enters, with the guy I’m beginning to suspect isn’t really a service worker.

Jack calls the guy Chloe has been talking to “Adrian Cross”, and begins yelling for Derrik Yates. Now it’s the rest of the nerds turns to pee their pants.

Adrian says that Yates doesn’t work with them anymore because they had a clash of styles, plaid and stripes. Adrian refuses. Jack responds by showing why people shouldn’t disagree with people named Bauer.

Chloe asks Jack why he’s looking for Yates. Jack says that he intercepted some intel that mentioned an assassination attempt in London that was linked to Yates and Chloe’s organization. More maybe Gates. Or Mr. Bates. Definitely something that ended in “ates”.

Adrian says that Yates started selling intel on a new system from Ebay, “Intel-bay”. He says that Yates didn’t follow the protocol of only posting information, not selling it.

12:06 – Chloe uses her Chloe powers to convince everyone standing around to help her look for Yates, which they immediately do, because they know that Chloe wouldn’t like it very much if they didn’t.

Chloe’s very mad at Jack, for not just asking for her help in the first place. Jack tries to point out that if he had tried to ask in the first place, she would have just had her tongue hanging out drooling because she was unconscious at the time.

Back on the street, the camera person must not be paying attention because it moves all over the place looking for someone.

Cut to the inside of an apartment building with no doors, where a guy with a black knit cap is walking down the hall. Knit cap goes into a room where big scary guys are openly packing up drugs and counting money. We can barely understand Knit Cap says because he’s speaking English. Like from England English. He’s complaining about another guy at a computer, and his girlfriend.

The girl is Russian, because she has a thick Russian accent and skips words in her sentences. The guy, who we assume is Yates, tells her he’s working, and she should behave or go in the other room. She understandably doesn’t want to, because there are big scary guys in the other room. Yates gets a phone call from someone he considers even scarier, which is reinforced because we can only see her in dark shadows AND she speaks in foreign accent. Yates tells her that the Americans will have no idea he took over the video game, because he pinned the whole thing on someone else. The Dark Shadows lady tells him that blaming it on someone else would have been better than using a pin. Even a staple gun would have been better. He assures her they’re still on schedule, even with the modifications, and with the Russian woman acting frisky. The Dark Shadows lady is pretty suspicious that something is going on, but appears to be dumb enough to fall for the “it was just the TV” excuse, at least for now.

COMMERCIAL

12:15 pm – Back at an army base, the lieutenant is getting interrogated about the drone incident. They’re suspicious of him because he just had a weekend pass revoked, which tells us one thing: The army needs to hand out a LOT more weekend passes if this is how they think people will react to having one revoked.

Tanner (the lieutenant) says just to check the flight key, and to check the logged keystrokes and date. The thing is definitely army issued, because it is HUGE. You could probably log all the keystrokes in America on that thing. Tanner is informed that not only was it checked and cross checked, but it was cross-cross checked, triple cross double checked, and quintuple by-pass double scotcherooed checked. It shows that all the keystrokes came from his console. Tanner looks very worried and he insists that the flight key has something on it that will prove he’s innocent. Plus he still has his family photos on that thing, and he’d really like it back.

At a party, Heller tells the Prime Minister, Alister Davies, “I can not tell you how much I appreciate your support on this, Alister”. Davies looks perplexed, and says, “But you just did!” Heller tries to scare Davies by introducing him to Audrey, and then leaves her with him after Audrey says Heller is needed. Davies doesn’t look nearly as worried as he should be.

Heller goes to talk with Mark and the Advisors (which would be a good name for a really dorky rock band). The general informs Heller that a drone might have, kind of, accidentally, whoopsies… killed four guys, two from our side and two from England.

Heller tells the advisors that it’s important that Davies hears this news from himself, because he wants to see the expression on Davies’ face when he tells him. As he turns to tell Davies, we see two British officers are already there, likely to protect the prime minister from Audrey. Audrey leaves and either she farted, or Davies just received the bad news, because he walks off in disgust before Heller can get to him.

Mark receives a call from Steve and is informed that Jack escaped. This surprises Mark, because he’s obviously not as familiar with Jack as he thought. Steve says that he broke out an ex-colleague of his. Mark asks, “So he has no designs on President Heller?” Steve says that Jack doesn’t even have a doodle on President Heller. Steve thinks it’s very doubtful that Jack wanted the president to be killed. Mark does not like this one bit, and tells Steve that unless he gets Jack back, he can kiss his career and frequent flier miles goodbye.

Chloe continues to do her work, but gives Jack’s service worker the evil eye. She says that the tattoo he has means he’s been a very, very bad service worker. All the marks on his arm show how many murders he’s committed, and the marks on the other arm show how many DVDs he “forgot” to return to Red Box. She asks what Jack has been up to for the last four years, and she goes into snark mode. She wants to know why he’s doing this. She finally figures it out that he’s doing this for Audrey! She, and the rest of Earth, throws up a little. Chloe says she’s convinced that what all intelligence agencies do is criminal. He responds that she’s just talking like Adrian Cross, which, for the first time that I can recall, leaves her speechless. She tells him that he’s not Judge Judy or even Judge Reinhold, and that he can’t judge her.

One of the nerds sees video showing the aftermath of the Afghanistan attack, and Jack quickly comes to the conclusion that Yates has been a very naughty information dispenser. Adrian says that he found out where Yates has been hiding, but it’s in a place with drug dealers, and someone who is a “nasty piece of work”. It looks like Jack is going to work. Jack goes to leave, and Chloe volunteers to go with. Jack leaves, and Chloe orders everyone to put down their video games and help her give Jack some communications backup.

COMMERCIAL

12:29pm – Heller tells Mark and the General (which would be a good name for a terrible TV show) that he wants to phone the Prime Minister and talk to Parliament while it’s in session. Mark points out that if he does it while Parliament is out of session, it wouldn’t have the same impact anyway. It’s pointed out that people are already saying the incident has been white-washed, which is probably a land-speed record from the time it occurred until now for people to have come to that conclusion. Anyway, Heller decides he wants to get Chris Tanner, the drone pilot, here, and for the General to make the arrangements. The General doesn’t understand what flowers have to do with this, but he’ll follow the orders, even though flowers are against the U.N. florist convention.

Mark is worried that Heller won’t be able to handle Parliament because he’s not on the “top of his game”, and puts on his sad eyes as he says it. Heller smiles like a crazy uncle, and says that Mark didn’t think he was up to it when he spoke at a town meeting in Ohio. From the look on Mark’s face, you could tell that he didn’t have the heart to tell Heller that meeting was a bunch of dogs out for a walk with their owners at a park in Washington.

Audrey says that she just passed the General, and he looked really upset. Mark doesn’t want to tell her that the General was upset just because Audrey walked by, so he tells her about her father’s plan to talk to Parliament. Mark is completely against it, but Audrey wants to help her father prep for the speech. She reminds Mark he did pretty well against those dogs at the park.

The Russian girlfriend back at Hotel Hell, sees news coverage of the aftermath of the strike, which is somehow already on network TV, despite the strike being in the middle of Afghanistan. She asks if Yates did this, and he admits to it. She asks if he doesn’t feel a teeny tiny bit bad, and Yates says, “They were already dead. They just didn’t know it.” She asks if he means like in that old Michael J. Fox movie, and he says, “yes”. He tells her that the President is going to die on foreign soil, which is sure to trigger a huge war. His plan is to wait it out in Greenland, which is a bad plan because Greenland is the icy one, and Iceland is the green one. Anyway, that’s his plan, but he has to get something done within 28 minutes, or the Dark Shadows lady is going to be very upset.

12:33 – At makeshift CTU, Jordan announces they haven’t found anything. Kate enters and says two phones from the stolen shipment are at a housing project. Everyone looks shocked, SHOCKED that’s where they could be. They decide to follow the lead, but someone will be in big trouble if they find teenagers with those phones.

Jack and Chloe arrive at the housing project where Yates is, and decide to do a communications check. Jack says, “Testing, 1, 2, 3,” and Chloe looks at him like he’s stupid. “I’m sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!”. She looks worried that Jack’s years alone in the field might have affected him. Jack leaves and Chloe goes to try and hook up to the closed circuit cameras in the run down housing projects. Because that’s where you keep closed circuit cameras: in run down housing projects.

Commercial

12:39 pm – Tanner is getting more of an armed escort than Jack did. They enter a truck, probably headed for the President.

Mark and Audrey stage a mock parliament speech with Heller that goes well, all the way up until the point where Heller starts speaking. Mark asks him a series of increasingly tough questions, eventually going to the literature category in Trivial Pursuit before switching back to the dead soldiers, of which Heller said there were three (when there were really four). This throws Heller for a loop, and he looks stage left and mumbles “LINE!” under his breath. He leaves, remembering the soldier’s name he forgot, as he walks away. Audrey storms out because Mark yelled at her daddy.

Jack scouts out the housing complex, and asks Chloe where are the people they’re looking for. Chloe, of course, has video feeds running on all the cameras in the complex already. Jack asks her to turn off the camera he’s looking at, which, because of the Jack/Chloe telepathy thing, she’s able to do without asking any further questions.

Bashir, the guy counting the money in the drug apartment, tells Knit Cap guy to check the camera that went out. Knit Cap guy, who had been playing a game on his handheld device, a broken piece of TV remote control, presses control-alt-delete a few times and brings up a picture of one of their colleagues hanging by the end of a rope.

With Chloe’s help, Jack navigates past some bad guys right to the door where Yates is, and grabs Knit Cap guy as he steps out into the hallway.

Jack gives Knit Cap a Jack hug around the throat and escorts him back into the room with Bashir. Jack assures everyone, even the people with guns, that all he wants is Yates, and it would be a very bad idea to think that Jack couldn’t hurt every one of them very badly because he’s the star of the show, and they’re just mostly extras. They don’t believe him, and Jack proves he was right by killing a couple of them immediately, knifing Bashir in the throat.

While this is going on, Yates packs his things to leave. He dodges machine gun fire from Jack’s fight, breaks through a window and escapes with his Russian girlfriend.

Jack follows, after picking up something in the apartment. He tries to shoot Yates like one of those ducks at the carnival from another catwalk, but misses.

Meanwhile, Chloe gets a phone call from Adrian, who tells her that unless she ordered food to be delivered, some agents are headed her way. She looks really worried. She did order food, but it couldn’t be here that quickly.

The cars drive up to the van. Agents yell for Chloe to come out, and then open the door. The only thing left is a smoking computer, on which Chloe had quickly installed Windows 7, destroying it completely.

Kate and Erik run up to the building, and see Yates and his girlfriend. Yates calmly explains that there’s a guy upstairs with a gun as he passes. Jack comes barreling down the stairs, gun his drawn and yells for Yates to stop. Jack pleads with Kate and Erik to stop Yates and his girlfriend, which of course, they don’t do. He finally gets on his knees, sets down his gun when he’s shot. It’s Bashir, who, despite having a knife neck wound, is able to shoot Jack from over 200 yards away. The trained agents, with machine guns, can’t hit Bashir, even though he remains in the relative open before ducking behind a post. Jack escapes, going after Yates. Kate and Erik follow.

COMMERCIAL

12:53pm – In an underground garage, the agents play the quiet game, not letting on where they are, except for the bright flashlights they’re all holding. Jack catches Kate, and tells her that she’s chasing the wrong guy and he’s trying to prevent an attack on Heller. A light flashes by and Kate makes what Jack thinks is a wrong move, so he gives her an autographed head butt to the face, knocking her out.

Jack sees a light above him, knocks out a board and escapes. A car drives up; it’s Chloe! Despite all the noise, the rest of the agents in the garage only arrive after Jack’s gone. Erik yells they have a man down, forgetting that Kate is not a man. Jack drives the car away.

Chloe is concerned that Jack is bleeding, he tells her it’s OK because he’s only been shot. He gives her a USB stick that he recovered from the apartment, and it turns out to be a drone commandeering system, which can control up to ten drones! Unfortunately, it starts deleting itself. It could have been a self-deleting program, or again, it could have been Windows 7. Either one.

In a bar, Yates explains to his girlfriend that Margo is likely the one that sent Jack to kill him. He wants to sell the device to someone else. He goes off to the bathroom, and the girlfriend follows into the same one, because she can’t read English.

We soon see, it was something completely different. She pulls out a pick and drills it right into Yates’ ear, which had to really, really hurt. And caused death. She grabs the case and leaves. It turns out that she’s not Russian at all, she’s working with her mother, Margo! It’s Catelyn Stark in disguise!

NEXT TIME: JACK BAUER IS COMING!

Season 8 – 24 – 3pm to 4pm

Previously on “24” – JUST HAPPENED! PAY ATTENTION!

3:00 pm – Suvarov makes a heartfelt speech about the peace agreement. Dahlia gives him a look at that makes it seems she’d like to feel his heart personally. Suvarov notices that Dahlia isn’t her normal, chipper self. Mrs. President tells him that they’ve all been awake for more than 23 hours now, and that really wears on a person.

Suvarov realizes this is a lie, questions Mrs. President about this. She tells him all about Meredith. Suvarov says that he thinks Mrs. President must have threatened to pull America Idol off the air before the final show, because Dahlia is still at the negotiating table.

His assistant interrupts to tell him Logan is calling. Suvarov rolls his eyes as if to say “Not THIS guy again!”, but takes the call. Logan insists on talking to him in person in his suite. Suvarov doesn’t like this idea until Logan tells him that someone has either sprung a leak, or taken a leak, and it’s in his delegation. Suvarov adjusts his Depends, and hoping to keep his secret, agrees to see Logan.

Logan talks to Jack, while contemplating how he fell for the old “Never Be A President On 24 And Stand In Front Of A Big Glass Window” trick. Jack tells Logan to sit down.

Chloe wakes up and tries to convince Jack that if CTU comes up, there will likely be a lot of shooting, and she’s really hoping to be on any “24” movies that might come along in the next few years.

Meanwhile, Logan sits at his desk, his arms outstretched, trying to do his best Richard Nixon impression.

Chloe’s phone doesn’t answer. Cole paces back and forth, wondering what to do in a very Billy Rosewood sort of way. Cole finally makes a call to the tactical team, and tells them to go after Jack!

Continue reading “Season 8 – 24 – 3pm to 4pm”

Season 8 – 24 – 2 pm to 3 pm

Previously on “24”, we saw that: Jack gives good introductions, and could be a successful television spokesman; Jack can make an ex-President wet his pants by just giving him a mean look; Some people think yelling into phones makes the CIA work harder; Chloe has a foundation that releases CTU agents out into the wild; Ex-President Logan has bug around the collar; Someone who was hungry asked Jack for “Russian Take Out”, and he completely misunderstood what they said.

The following takes place between 2:00 pm and 3:00 pm:

2:00 pm – Cole gets a call from Arlo, who tells him that Jack has been making life-size pin cushions. Cole thinks Chloe might be able to help stop Jack’s rampage through the city, but Arlo thinks that they’d have an easier time calming down Godzilla. Arlo also warns Cole that James, Jack’s paranoid friend, probably has an explosive doorbell, so he should be careful.

2:02 pm – James watches television on a series of branded monitors and is alerted by his Paranoia surveillance system that Cole is in the building. Cole shoots the door, because it has been a very naughty door, and bursts into the room. James is already pointing a gun at him. James has had a lot of practice, because he’s been waiting for that door to make the wrong move for years now, and it finally happened.

Cole tells James that he has two choices: “1” Have his cover blown, and have every federal agent from here to Mars altered to his “non-dead” state or “2” Help find Jack. Cole tries to reason with James, but it doesn’t seem to work until Cole suggests that if Jack dies, it’ll be James’ fault. James finally agrees to help Cole. He just has to change into his spy clothes first, before they go out.

2:06 pm – Chloe arrives in the field where the CTU agents have set up shop. One of the agents stops selling t-shirts long enough to ask why Cole, who had been helping Jack, was now free. Chloe resists the urge to taser him, and tells him that Cole designed the UN protocols. Chloe goes on to say she’s seen many protocols in her time, and was very impressed with Cole’s, so he’s going to be helping out. And that the agent questioning this is a moron. She gets a phone call from Cole.

Cole tells her that James told him all about the bug on Logan’s collar, and it recorded that Suvarov is in on the whole plot. Oh and Jack is probably going after him to kill him. Cole is unsure of how an insect with a little recording device could get all that, but at this point she’s just going along with what’s happening.

Cole tells her that the evidence that was recorded was wiped out, but Jack should have a backup copy. Chloe tells Cole to shmoosh the bug, and that she knew Jack would have a backup, because that’s just the kind of guy Jack is: He practices safe computing.

Chloe thinks she can re-route Suvarov’s motorcade to go to the UN so he’ll be safe, because nothing worthwhile ever happens at the UN. They think Suvarov might be in trouble if he gets out into the open there, but there’s very little chance Jack will be able to do anything about it.

Continue reading “Season 8 – 24 – 2 pm to 3 pm”

Season 8 – 24 – 1 pm to 2 pm

Previously on “24”, we learned: If someone comes in to take over a job and has an assistant, they are probably up to no good; Jack really hates department store mannequins; If you’re an ex-president, don’t ask to take credit for something if you’re not 100% sure everything is going to plan; Don’t ever swallow a SIM card if you’re near Jack Bauer; If you call terrorists on the phone and get a call back, you better have your voice mail answering message recorded in a disguised voice, because if it’s Jack Bauer calling you back, you’re going to be in big, big trouble.

The following takes place between 1 pm to 2 pm:

1:00 pm – Ex-President Logan puts on a red polka dot tie, which he still had from the days when he performed as a clown. He watches a fake news conference, which is taking place to let the world know that he’s helping out with the mid-east peace process. An assistant comes in to tell him that his car is in the heliport, which would be great if he drove a flying Jetsons’ car, but he doesn’t. She informs him President Suvrarov is arriving in 20 or 30 minutes, and that if he orders Domino’s right now, she’s pretty sure the pizza will be there before the Russian president. She leaves.

President Logan receives a phone call from Jason. Jason informs Logan that Jack has been playing Operation again and Pavel is dead. Jason also tells him that it’s likely that Jack has given information to the press, so the whole story is going to come out.

President Logan is so deep in denial that he can almost read the hieroglyphics at the bottom. He tells Jason that he might be able to solve this Bauer problem with “management”, which as we all know won’t do anything.

Jason informs Logan that Jack appears to have reverted to his “Lost Boys” days, because from the condition they found Pavel in… well, Jack’s out for blood. And not in a sparkly vampire, or stupid, Sunnydale vampire kinda way… he’s out for revenge for what happened today. Logan tells Jason to find Jack, and to keep him posted. Jason tells him he doesn’t think the US mail system will take a man of his size, but he’d be willing to try after they finish off Jack.

Continue reading “Season 8 – 24 – 1 pm to 2 pm”

Season 8 – 24 – 12 pm to 1 pm


Previously on “24”, we learned that: Jack will shoot people even before they get done with the reasons Jack won’t shoot them; Never volunteer to make sure Jack doesn’t get in a building – you will be shot… probably multiple times; You should always ask for the non-explosive safety deposit box; If you ask Jack Bauer what you can do to help, and he says “Nothing”, you’re about to be shot.

The following takes place between 12 pm and 1 pm:

12:00 pm – Cole is escorted to Dana’s body by one of the Village people, where he identifies it.

Meanwhile in a cab, Jack plays the copy of Dana’s Funniest Home Videos where he gets to see Dana’s Russian contact, who is about as fun as Renee’s Russian contacts, except with more fingers.

Jack calls his paranoid friend with all the electronic equipment, and tells him he’s coming in “hot”. His friend freaks out until Jack reassures him he’s not about to crash a fighter jet into him. Jack does however want the Russian in the video identified.

12:05 pm – Jason tells everyone at CTU that Dana is dead, and they all resist the urge to start applauding. Jason wants two things: First, they have to find Jack Bauer, who is suspected of killing Dana. Second, everyone has to take some extra time to see if they can figure out what smells like a body hidden behind some wood paneling – the smell is becoming unbearable. Cole is also coming in to CTU, mainly to assist in figuring out where Jack is and to make some faces.

Jason won’t listen to Chloe’s suggestion that perhaps Jack really is on to something with the Russian connection. He completely ignores this because he knows about it already, and doesn’t want anyone at CTU to figure this connection out.
Continue reading “Season 8 – 24 – 12 pm to 1 pm”