Category: Humor

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 20

The following takes place between 2 pm and 3 pm

2:00 pm – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing in a driveway in a residential neighborhood.

A woman screams from across the street: “ABNER! COME SEE! ABNER!!”

2:01 pm – Jack and company look around, but no one in the neighborhood seems to be paying any attention to the screaming. Someone comes to the window of the house they’re standing in front of, sees the group, and leaves. The door opens, and a man wearing a suit says in a loud whisper, “Just don’t stand there! Get in here! Do you want the neighbors to see you?”

2:02 pm – They hurry inside the home. The small entryway has a mirror and a set of stairs leading to the second story. They walk into the living room, which has a couple of couches and a fireplace. The man says, “What is it with you people? Sam has always said you need to come through in the backyard, or appear in the house! Do you want people to see you?” He looks at them expecting an explanation, but no one says anything. He starts to realize that these people might not be who he thinks they are. He says, “You are here for Sam… right?”

Jack smile weakly and says, “Uh… Sam… The butcher? Alice’s friend?”

2:04 pm – The man looks surprised, “You mean that you don’t know who Samantha is? Who are you people?”

Jack says, “We’re from a government agency…”

The man interrupts. “Government agency? Government agency?? Why are you here?”

Jack says, “My name is Jack Bauer. This is Chloe, Bill and Morris. We’re trying to find someone. Have you seen anything suspicious recently?”

2:06 pm – The man laughs nervously and says, “Suspicious? Me? Ha Ha! No! Nothing like that around here! Nothing suspicious! Whatever gave you that idea?” He leads them into the living room and says, “I’m Darrin Stephens. Ha! But you probably knew that already. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable on the couches over there? Go ahead and mix yourself a drink. I’ll be right back.” He goes through a swinging door leading in to what looks like a kitchen. He starts to argue with someone in hushed tones from the kitchen.

Commercial

2:11 pm – Bill says, “OK. Is it just me, or is there something weird going on here?”

They hear a loud noise. They look over and see an old woman covered with soot sitting in front of the fireplace. She says, “Oh dear! Oh my! Why, tha… tha…that wasn’t supposed to happen at all! No!”

Chloe says, “No, Bill. I haven’t seen anything I consider weird.”

Jack and Bill rush over to help the old woman up, brushing the soot off of her the best that they can.

2:15 pm – Darrin and a woman come running out of the kitchen. The woman says, “Aunt Clara! Are you OK? What happened?”

Aunt Clara says, “Samantha! I… I don’t know. I was coming in for a landing when the… you… Have you moved the front door again, dear? Hmmm?”

Samantha says, “No, dear. Here, let me help you.” She helps Aunt Clara up.

Jack says, “What happened? Why did she fall through the chimney?”

Samantha turns to Jack and says, “She’s a bit confused, the poor dear.” She whispers to Jack, “She likes to try and climb up the chimney as a ‘hobby’. She does it about once a week.” She turns back to Aunt Clara, “Come on dear, let’s go and have a lie down upstairs.”

Samantha takes Aunt Clara upstairs.

2:18 pm – A black haired woman comes out of the kitchen. She says, “We just got the strangest phone call. Is there someone named Jack Bauer here?”

Jack says, “I’m Jack Bauer!”

The woman says, “Well, there’s a phone call for you!”

Jack runs into the kitchen.

2:19 pm – Morris whispers to Chloe, “Hey! It’s her!!”

Chloe says, “What are you talking about?”

Morris tilts his head at Serena, “That’s Samantha! She’s just got a wig on, and a stick-on heart on her face! Why is she dressed like that?”

Chloe says, “Why don’t you ask her?”

Morris clears his throat and says, “Aren’t you Samantha?”

2:20 pm – Serena looks him up and down. “What a strange little man. No dear, I’m her cousin Serena.”

Morris says, “Cousin?? You look just like her!” He turns to Darrin. “She looks just like Samantha! How could she be a cousin?”

Darrin leans towards Serena while she pulls away from him. He shrugs, “No, I don’t see a resemblance”. Serena goes into the kitchen.

Darrin asks Morris, “Why don’t you have a drink?” He goes to a mini-bar set up on a table near the stairs and starts to mix a drink.

Morris says, “What? You’re kidding right? Bill? Chloe? You see it don’t you?”

2:21 pm – In the kitchen, Jack has Fenster on the telephone. Fenster says, “I finally got in touch with Nadia. She said there was trouble at Secretary Heller’s home.”

Jack says, “He didn’t try flying his car again, did he?”

Fenster says, “It’s serious, Jack. It’s Audrey. She was still incapacitated, but she’s gone. They think she might have been kidnapped.”

Jack says, “Find out what you can. I’m going to find out what’s happened if I have to beat it out of someone!”

Commercial

2:26 pm – Jack returns to the room, and speaks with Chloe. He says, “Chloe, I have some good news and bad news. They think Audrey has been kidnapped.”

Chloe says, “What’s the bad news?”

Jack shakes his head, “Not now, Chloe. I’m being serious. The good news is that Fenster seems to have found a way to contact us via telephone. We just have to be sure we’re near one so he can call us. He’s still trying to figure out a way to get us back. Anyway, they think Audrey must have been kidnapped because she was still in a vegetative state at Heller’s house.”

Chloe says, “Vegetative… I… Uh….” She sees the look on Jack’s face and quickly says, “This is really tough, Jack…”

2:28 pm – The doorbell rings. Darrin goes to the door and opens it. A white-haired man steps in the house, “Darrin! I hope you have those new ads ready. Mr. Hoggenswogger is still going to meet us here, right?”

Darrin says, “Uh, right…”

2:29 pm – Larry walks into the living room. “Oh! You have guests!” He shakes Jack’s hand. “Larry Tate. Glad to meet you.” Jack introduces himself. Larry looks past everyone and says, “Endora! What a pleasant surprise. Can I mix you a drink?” He heads for the mini-bar.

Everyone turns and is startled to see a red-haired woman in a flowery dress standing behind them. Endora says, “I’d be delighted.”

Chloe whispers to Morris, “Where the heck did she come from?”

Morris says, “I don’t know, but this place is starting to give me the creeps.”

Endora goes over to Larry and says, “You’re so kind. Not at all like Durwood here. He didn’t even think of offering me a drink.”

Larry says, “Darrin! I’m surprised at you. Why don’t you run along and get those ads? Mr. Hoggenswogger is going to be here to pick up those new advertisements soon.” Darrin leaves to get the ads.

Larry hands Jack a glass of Scotch, “What line of business did you say you were in, Jack?”

Jack thinks a moment and says, “Uh…Insurance.”

2:32 pm – Chloe let’s out a single, “Heh!” Morris elbows her in the ribs. Chloe elbows him back, but harder. Morris decides to stop before it escalates to tasers.

2:33 pm – A man comes into the room carrying a cardboard tube and hands them to Larry. Larry says, “Thanks, Darrin. I’m sure Mr. Hoggenswogger will be delighted with these.”

Chloe says, “Darrin? That’s not Darrin! He’s wearing the same suit, but that’s not him!”

The man and Larry look at each other, and then back at Chloe. Larry says, “What are you talking about? That’s Darrin Stephens! You haven’t had a drink yet, have you? Here, let me get you one?”

Chloe says, “That’s not him! What is it with you people and all this drinking? You have doubles of Samantha; Darrin leaves and he comes back and says he’s Darrin. Maybe you people drink too much, because these things sure are slipping past you.”

Jack pulls Chloe aside, near the front door and says, “There’s obviously something going on here, but we still have to figure out what’s going on so we can go after those terrorists! Didn’t we decide to ‘embrace the weirdness’? Well, it’s getting really weird, so embrace it!”

Samantha walks downstairs, “Aunt Clara is going to be fine.”

2:35 pm – Chloe looks in the mirror while fixing her hair and mumbles, “Jack! She’s blonde again! She must be using spray on hair color!”

Jack whispers to her, “Embrace the weirdness!” He walks back to the living room.

A voice says, “That’s right, honey! And that hair is MILES better than yours!” Chloe looks into the mirror and sees a man in a flowered shirt standing behind her. She turns around, but doesn’t see anyone. She looks back into the mirror. The man is still there, and he waves at her. Chloe faints.

Samantha looks over as Chloe falls to the floor. She yells, “Uncle Arthur! Stop that this instant! Come out of that mirror!” Samantha wiggles her nose. Larry stops in mid-conversation with Bill. Everyone else is unaffected. Bill waves his hand in front of Larry’s face, but Larry stands stone still.

Jack, Morris and Bill run over to Chloe. The man in the flowered shirt that Chloe saw appears out of nowhere. “What happened? She couldn’t take a little criticism about her hair?”

Samantha looks startled when she realizes she didn’t freeze everyone as planned. “How are you still moving around?”

Endora says, “I don’t think we can affect them, Samantha. I tried putting a hex on the bald one a few minutes ago, and I couldn’t. It just changed the color of his shirt. They look harmless enough. I don’t think they’re with them.”

Morris looks down at himself and says, “Hey, Eudora is right! My shirt is a different color!”

“It’s Endora, you toad!” Endora hisses.

Jack says, “Wait! What do you mean? Them? Them who?”

Samantha says, “I want to know what’s going on! Who are you people? Who sent you? The Witches’ Council?”

Jack says, “Witches’ Council? We’re from CTU. What’s going on here? Who are you people?”

Endora says, “I might ask you the same thing!”

Commercial

2:43 pm – Jack says, “I’ll explain in a minute. I have to help my friend.”

Uncle Arthur says, “She hit her head, Sammy. Better get a doctor.”

Samantha looks down at Chloe and says, “Oh, no! Calling Dr. Bombay! Calling Dr. Bombay! Emergency! Come right away!”

An instant later, a man with a tennis racket appears out of thin air.

Dr. Bombay says, “Samantha, Endora!”

Samantha says, “What are you doing with that tennis racket?”

Dr. Bombay says, “I’ve been teaching my nurse a thing or two about tennis! Love all, you might say! Haw! Haw!”

Samantha says, “Dr. Bombay, you have to help this woman. She’s hit her head.”

Dr. Bombay replies, “Oh dear! Let me have a look.” He examines Chloe’s head. “Why, she’s a mortal! She’s not a witch”

Morris says, “You should try being married to her…”

Jack explains, “This is going to sound strange, but we’re not from here. We’re from another place and time.”

Uncle Arthur says, “Where would that be? New York?”

2:46 pm – Endora says, “This could be a case of inter-dimensional travel! That certainly would explain the others.”

Jack says, “Others? What others?”

Samantha and Darrin look at each other a moment. Darrin nods to Samantha.

Samantha says, “We were contacted by someone a few days ago. He’s going to be here any minute to pick up those advertisements from Darren.”

Darrin says, “Larry thinks Mr. Hoggenswogger is a client. Hoggenswogger told me that if I told anyone about this, he’d expose our secret to the government! Everyone will know Samantha’s a witch!”

Samantha says, “I tried to put a hex on him, but he’s not affected in any way!”

Jack asks, “What did he look like?”

Darrin says, “That’s the odd thing. He and the men he was with were dressed entirely in black!”

Jack says, “Those sound just like people from the group we’ve been chasing!”

Endora says, “I told you no good would come of marrying Dum-Dum here. If the Witches’ Council finds out about this, they’ll take away your powers!”

2:48 pm – Dr. Bombay tells everyone, “She’ll be fine. Just a couple of aspirin, and she’ll be right as rain.” He tells Chloe, “Pleasure to ‘serve’ you. Haw! Serve!” He raises his tennis racket and disappears.

Commercial

2:53 pm – There’s a knock at the door. Jack calls Darrin and Samantha over and says, “I have a plan!” He explains what to do. There’s another knock at the door.

Jack motions for Chloe, Bill and Morris to move out of sight. Jack hides behind the door as Darrin goes to answer the door.

2:54 pm – Three men are at the door. They’re holding guns and don’t wait to be asked to come inside. The lead man says, “Do you have them?” Darrin hands him the cardboard tube.

As Darrin does this, Jack jumps him from behind, catching him by surprise. The other two men turn towards Jack as he yells, “Now!”

Samantha wiggles her noses and suddenly all three men are dressed like Little Bo Peep and are holding flowers! Jack side kicks one of the men as the other two run out the door, leaving their companion behind. Outside, a woman screams: “ABNER! ABNER!”

2:55 pm – Bill runs outside and sees that Mrs. Kravitz has been watching through the window. She says, “I saw the whole thing! That white-haired man is frozen! The three men that just walked in there! They came out wearing costumes! What’s going on around here?”

Bill says, “I… I… I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Samantha and Darrin come running outside. Bill thinks for a moment and says, “Have you been drinking?”

Mrs. Kravitz says, “Drinking? I should say not! I only drink tea that Abner makes for me in the morning!”

Bill says, “Well, maybe there’s something in that tea you’ve been drinking? You know, some types of tea leaves have hallucinogenic properties…”

Mrs. Kravitz considers this for a moment. She puts her fists on her hips and starts back towards her house screaming, “ABNER!!”

Samantha says, “I don’t know why we never thought of that before!”

2:57 pm – They all go back inside, where Jack is struggling with ‘Mr. Hoggenswogger’. Jack says, “Who are you working with!” He pulls back his fist to punch the man in the face saying, “OK! You asked for it!” The man disappears.

Jack sighs and looks at the ceiling, “Oh come on! Just one punch!”

2:58 pm – Bill says, “What was so important about those ads?”

Darrin says, “It was nothing really. It was just an issue ad they wanted me to write up for some government magazine. It was protesting the creation of something called Counter Terrorism Unit. Why would someone want to terrorize a counter? That doesn’t make any sense!”

2:59 pm – There’s a flash of light.

Jack, Bill, Morris and Chloe are standing in a large pit with gravel all around them.

3:00 pm – Time’s up!

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 15

The following takes place between 9 am and 10 am

9:00 am – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are all standing in front of a high school. It’s dark, and people are entering the school. The message on the marquee says “Basketball Game Tonight!”

Jack is standing in the same position as he was when he was reaching for Max’s shoe phone. He realizes they’ve switched to a new location and puts his hand down. He yells to no one in particular, “I can’t believe it! The first contact we’ve had with CTU in more than 12 hours, and I blow it! How are we going to get them on the phone?”

The rest of them look startled. “CTU?” says Bill. “You talked to CTU? Who was it? Do they know how to help us?”

Jack says, “It was Fenster. He made it to that computer room we were in before all this happened. He said that Cheng was brought in for questioning hours ago, and he isn’t the one we’ve been chasing.”

Bill asks, “Well, if it’s not Cheng… then who ARE we chasing after?”

Chloe smirks, “Fenster doesn’t know a TCP socket from a Unix domain socket. I’m not to take his word for it.”

Jack says, “I don’t know who it is. We’ll just have to keep playing this by ear. Every time we land some place, we’ve been close to the people we’ve needed to interact with.” He points to the sign. “They must be in there. Let’s go in and take a look around.”

9:03 am – They enter the high school and head towards the gym. Morris says he’s hungry, and heads for a concession stand. Chloe excuses herself to go find a ladies room. Jack and Bill stand in front of the entrance to the gym to look for anything familiar.

9:04 am – Morris returns with a hot dog and a soft drink, just as Chloe comes running around the corner. She says, “We have to get out of here!”

Jack says, “Chloe, calm down. What’s the matter?”

Chloe says, “I’ll tell you what’s the matter… Vampires!”

Morris is preoccupied with his food and doesn’t quite hear and asks, “Umpires?”

Three men come out from around the corner. They look pale white, have very red eyes, and … fangs! Chloe says, “No, you goofball! Vampires! Run!” She runs out the front the school. Jack, Bill and Morris decide they need to be someplace else too, and run after her.

9:06 am – By the time Jack, Bill and Morris reach the front of the school, Chloe is already halfway down the block. They run to catch up with her. They run to catch up with Chloe and see a young girl running towards them, and the vampires. As she gets closer. Jack yells, “You’re going the wrong way! There are vampires behind us!” She ignores this and runs past. Jack yells to Bill and Morris, “Catch up with Chloe! I’m going back to help!” He skids to a halt, and heads back after the girl.

9:08 am – Chloe starts to slow down. Bill and Morris catch up with her. Morris asks her what happened. Chloe says, “There was a guy around the corner outside of the girl’s bathroom. I figured that he was waiting for his girlfriend. When I came back out, he asked me if I wanted to make out. I told him that he was old enough to be…er, my younger brother. He told me that he was a lot older than that, smiled and showed his teeth! I got out of there as fast as I could… Wait? Where’s Jack?”

Before Bill or Morris can answer, two teenagers run up to the group and stop. One of them, a red-headed girl asks, “Um… Did you just see a girl run by here? Blonde, about my height, in a really big hurry?”

The boy, says, “Come on, Willow. We don’t have time for this. When Giles called, he sounded like he was in trouble. Buffy knows what she’s doing. She’ll kill them.” He runs off.

Willow yells after him, “Xander! Wait!” She runs after Xander.

Bill says, “Did he just say that blonde girl is going to kill someone? Is that some new teenage vernacular? I’m still trying to figure out WBAGNFARB means.”

Chloe says, “Jack’s back there! Come on!”

Commercial

9:13 am – Jack catches up to the girl. She looks to have the situation well in hand, and appears to be an expert in the martial arts. She punches one of the vampires, and he falls back, landing on top of a parked car. Another vampire comes up to her from behind and grabs her, holding her arms down. She stamps his foot, and he releases his grip. She turns, pulls out two wooden stakes, and stabs him in the chest. The vampire disintegrates into dust. She turns back around, and sees the other two vampires are right behind her. She points towards the sky, and says, “Look! Flying turtles!” They both look up, and she stabs each of them in the chest at the same time. They disintegrate too. She starts to cough, turns back to Jack and says, “I have to remember not to take a deep breath when they do that. They always smell like burnt rubber bands wrapped in stinky cheese. Are you O.K?”

Jack still stares in amazement at what he just saw, and “Yeah, yeah… I’m fine. I came back because I though you needed help…

9:22 am – Xander and Willow catch up to Jack and Buffy, with Bill, Morris and Chloe close behind. Xander says, “Buffy doesn’t really shop in the ‘need help’ department. She’s pretty much a self checkout kinda girl.” He realizes what he just said. “… Not that she checks herself out. Buffy, that’s not what I meant.”

Jack asks, “How did all those vampires know how to do Kung-Fu?”

Buffy shrugs, “I’m not sure! I’ve always wondered that myself.”

Xander says, “Sorry, Buffy. We couldn’t keep up.”

Buffy says, “I know Xander. This was just a run of the mill vampire dusting. Nothing to worry about.”

Chloe says, “Nothing to worry about? What do you mean?! These were vampires! How can you say there’s nothing to worry about?”

Jack interrupts, “Chloe, we’re fine.” He turns to Buffy, “We landed outside of the high school and went in. Those vampires chased us out of there.”

Xander looks suspiciously at Jack, “When you say ‘landed’… Do you mean ‘arrived – landed’, or do you mean ‘I flew here in my space ship, take me to your leader – landed’? Guys, I don’t like the look of this.”

9:25 am – Jack explains, “We’ve been traveling from place to place, trying to chase after some terrorists. About every hour, there’s a flash of light and we all end up some place completely different. We usually end up some place where someone can help us…” Xander walks around Jack, looking for any signs of alien antenna. Jack continues, “So, uh… You must be it?”

Willow says, “This sounds like something for Giles.”

Buffy says, “Yeah, let’s take them to Giles.”

Xander isn’t so sure. “OK, but don’t come crying to me if some alien pops out of one of their chests and wraps itself on your face.”

Willow says, “Check. Won’t blame you for any alien face grabbing.”

Commercial

9:34 am – They arrive back at the high school, and with some coaxing get Chloe go back inside with them. The basketball game is still going on. Everyone else at the high school seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that vampires were creeping around earlier. The group heads for the school library.

9:35 am -Buffy introduces Jack, Bill, Morris and Chloe to Giles, the school librarian. Buffy says, “Giles is my watcher.”

Morris asks, “What’s that? A nice word for ‘stalker’?”

Jack explains what’s been happening to them as Chloe and Bill take a look around the library. Giles says, “Extraordinary! This sounds like you’re caught in some kind of temporal vortex.”

Bill protests, “There’s that term again, ‘temporal vortex’. What can we do about it?”

Jack explains, “We’ve had contact with some other people that used that term, is there anything you can do to help us?”

Giles says, “I wish I could. The library is filled with books on demonology, incantations, and all manner of extra-dimensional creatures. I’m pretty well-versed in what’s in these books, but I can’t say that I’ve ever run across an hourly inter-dimensional gateway. Certainly not one that travels along with the people it’s being used on.”

Morris says, “Certainly not.”

Chloe pushes a book she had been looking at back into its place on the shelf and asks, “What I don’t get is, why are we always behind those terrorists, or whatever they are? We move on to the next place every hour, but they already seem to have been able to get started on whatever they’re doing long before we arrive.”

Giles says, “It’s quite simple really. If they’re jumping the same way as you are, chances are they left your home dimension before you did. When you went through that portal, it probably threw off all their calculations. It’s likely they’ve traveled on a different timescale. While you are traveling from place to place every hour, they might be traveling in a way that makes them arrive hours, or even days ahead of time.”

9:39 am – A blonde-haired man suddenly bursts into the room, and says, “There’s trouble at the Wharf Club Restaurant.”

Xander says, “Do you want us to follow you, Lassie? Is Timmy down a well?”

The man does not look happy about that comment. He says, “If it wasn’t for her…” He points at Buffy, “…I’d be picking you out of my teeth with my knife.”

Morris looks alarmed. “Nice friends you have… We usually just exchange insults with each other, not death threats.”

Willow says, “Oh, that’s just Spike. He and Xander don’t get along. Spike doesn’t like him because Xander’s a smart alec, and Xander doesn’t like Spike because he’s a vampire.”

Chloe drops the book she’s holding. “A Vampire? I thought you people killed vampires?!”

Buffy says, “We do! We do! …As a rule. Pretty much. The bad ones. Only the bad ones.”

Chloe gets more hysterical now. “Only the bad ones? Only the BAD ones?? How can you tell if they’re good or bad? Just assume their good until… ‘Oh! Oops! I thought he a good vampire until he gave me the ultimate demonic hickey on my neck!’”.

Jack says, “Calm down, Chloe.”

Chloe doesn’t stand for this. “Calm down? CALM DOWN? Jack, these are vampires we’re talking about here! Real LIVE…well, dead….undead? WHATEVER! They’re real vampires! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the blood drained out of me today.”

Spike says, “Nice little speech there. Now, can we get on with it?”

Buffy says, “I’m going with Spike. Willow and Xander, you help Giles look up what you can about that guy dressed in the black hood.”

Jack is startled by what Buffy just said. “Black hood? What guy dressed in a black hood?”

Spike sits down and mutters, “Fine, I’ll just wait here and freak out the hysterical one a bit more while you two have a nice conversation.”

9:43 am – Buffy says, “We’ve been trying to track down someone for the last couple of days. The only glimpse I’ve got of him is that he’s wearing a black hood. He’s organizing the vampires. We can’t tell if he’s a demon, a human, or what.”

Jack says, “I’ll tell you what it sounds like…”

Spike says, “Like..’Ooh, help me! The big bad is going to get me?’”

Xander says, “Shut up, Spike!” Spike snarls at Xander.

Jack says, “It sounds like the people we’ve been chasing after. I’m going with you.”

Chloe exclaims, “Sorry, Jack, but I’m not going!”

Jack says, “Chloe! We have to stick together!”

9:44 am – Chloe says, “No dice, Jack. I’m not! You don’t make fun of Bill because he’s afraid of heights! You don’t make fun of Morris because he’s afraid of monkeys!”

Xander interrupts and asks Morris, “You’re afraid of monkeys? Seriously?”

Chloe continues, “Just get back here before the next hour is up. Then we’ll get on with it.”

Spike gets up and announces, “I’m leaving,” and does so.

Buffy heads for the door too. Jack follows her and says, “Fine. You stay here. I’ll be back later.”

Commercial

9:50 am – Spike, Buffy and Jack stand in front of the Wharf Club Restaurant. It is completely quiet.

Jack asks, “Are you sure it’s the right place?”

Spike leans over to look at the menu that’s posted on the outside wall, and says sarcastically, “Hmm! Well, let’s see what’s on the breakfast menu, shall we? ‘Blood sausage’, ‘Awful Waffle’, ‘Pansnakes’… Hmm… I don’t know, sounds like your typical breakfast fare…”

Buffy says, “Stop it, Spike! We’re going in.”

9:51 am – They all look into the windows of the place, and it seems completely deserted. The front door is unlocked, so they head inside. They spread out, and start to look around.

The restaurant looks completely normal, for the most part. Nautical decorations cover the walls up to the top of the very tall ceiling. Place settings are laid out on the tables. A neon sign that reads, “Vampires Will Rule The Earth” flashes on the back wall.

They cautiously walk through the front of the restaurant. Jack starts heading towards the back doors which lead to the kitchen. Buffy whispers loudly, “Don’t go back there! It’s probably a trap!”

She and Spike start walking towards Jack. Spike doesn’t look the least bit concerned, and speaks in his normal voice, “About to walk right into a trap! Pffft! Mate, you have a lot to learn about vampires. You’re going to have to leave it to the profess…”

There’s a loud bang, and a net comes off the floor and scoops Buffy and Spike high into the air.

Spike finishes, “…ionals.”

Suddenly the room is swarming with vampires. Buffy yells, “Jack! Look out!” A vampire that was about to grab him from behind misses Jack by inches. Jack rolls on his back over the top of one of the tables grabbing silverware has he goes. Four vampires run at Jack.

Jack starts flinging cutlery in all directions. A couple knives actually meet their marks, but the vampires laugh as they pull the silverware out of their chests. Spike yells, “Are you an idiot? You have to use wooden stakes!” They continue to close in on Jack. Jack picks up a chair by its back legs, smashes it on the table in front of him, and in one fluid motion throws the wooden chair legs at the oncoming vampires. This time the damage is done, and two of the vampires turn to dust. There are two vampires left. Jack runs towards the kitchen.

9:54 am – Jack bursts through the doors, looking for anything he can use as a weapon. One of the vampires comes through the kitchen door, just in time to catch an airborne frying pan right in the face. Jack follows this up with a wooden stake to the heart. The vampire turns to dust as it hits the floor.

The next vampire through the door is more cautious, and ducks as one of the knives goes flying past its head into the door frame. The vampire pulls the knife from the wood, and starts towards Jack. Jack holds a knife in front of him to ward off the vampire. The vampire says, “Mmmmm… Jack Tare-Tare. They said you’d do this. That’s the way I like it: a bit of fight in my meals.” He lunges towards Jack, who dodges away easily. “I thought you learned your lesson? Knives can’t kill vampires!”

Jack lunges forwards and stabs the vampire in the stomach and says, “No, but I’d bet that hurts!” The vampire screams and throws Jack away from him. Jack lands on a prep counter and falls onto the floor. The vampire removes the knife from its stomach.

9:56 am – Still on the floor, Jack scrambles under a table towards the door. He looks around the corner, and doesn’t see anything, so he starts to head for the dining room. A hand reaches down from the counter, and grabs Jack by the neck and lifts him off his feet. Jack struggles to get away as the vampire continues to hold him by the neck. Jack’s feet are off the ground, and he gasps for air. Jack punches the vampire in the stomach several times, but it has no effect.

The vampire says, “They said to finish you off quickly, and then we could have The Slayer. I was thinking of breaking your neck, but you’ve been so much trouble I think it would be better to watch your face as the last bit of blood leaves your body.” The vampire opens its mouth and leans in to bite Jack on the neck. Jack closes his eyes.

THWACK! A cross bow bolt shoots through the air, hitting the vampire in the back. Chloe is standing with a crossbow at the kitchen door. Jack looks down and sees the tip of the wooden bolt sticking through the vampire’s chest, an inch away from his own. The vampire shrugs, says, “Can’t win ‘em all”, and crumbles to dust. Jack drops to the floor, gasping for air.

9:58 am – Chloe drops the crossbow and runs to Jack as Bill and Morris come through the kitchen door. Jack whispers in a raspy voice, “I thought you were afraid of vampires.” Chloe shrugs and says, “Being bitten by one, yes. Killing them, no.”

Outside in the dining area, Buffy’s friends help Spike and Buffy down from the net as Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill come out of the kitchen.

9:59 am – There’s a bright flash.

Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing in a parking lot.

10:00 am – Time’s up!