Magic Lamp

7:01 – The gas masks are completely safe in the gas filled rooms. No danger of human contamination.

7:02 – Jack wants Chloe to go back to her job, but she’s still upset about Edgar. The camera pans to Edgar who tries to get up, but someone off-stage pushes him back down.

7:03 – “Barry” to the rescue, to try and talk to Chloe. He starts singing “Mandy”.

7:04 – A red shirt guard starts to dress down The Hobbit for not reporting that he got beaten up. The Red Shirt guard can sympathize about getting beaten up, but is mad.

7:05 – Jack talks to the Doctor, and Tony finds out that Buckaroo is there. Tony jumps the doctor, and grabs a gun from the guy guarding Buckaroo.

7:06 – Tony tells Buckaroo – “My Name is Tony Almeda. You killed my wife. Prepare to die.”

7:08 – Jack talks Tony out of shooting Buckaroo, reminding him he really liked when Buckaroo was in Robocop.

7:09 – Jack asks about the truth serum, the guy who gave it to him said that more would kill him. Tony says he’s OK with that. Edgar peeks up from behind a desk.

7:10 – Vice President Scary and President Manilow is on the phone with Madam Alexandra Haig, who declares herself “in charge here”.

7:11 – VP Scary thinks it’s possible to clear the streets of LA all people. I suspect he’s planning on using the same system they used to get rid of the cars.

7:12 – A terrorist flunky asks IEST (Impecible English Speaking Terrorist) what he wants to do next, and IEST says “I’m going to Disney World!” When they remind him they’re in California, he decides to release all the rest of the gas instead.

Commercial

7:17 – Jack interrupts “Barry”, who tells Jack to back off of Chloe… And Jack starts to strangle him for going after Kim. Barry promises not to sing again.

7:18 – Warning message on the monitors say that the seals are breaking down! Chloe thinks it’s acid mixed with the gas, but if they look near the floor, they’d see Edgar has scooted up to the window and is trying to break back in, as if nothing happened.

7:19 – Cheney Looking Guy (CLG) is on the phone trying to convince VP Scary that he’s not interested in “usurping his position”, and that, no, he’s not interested in going to see Broke Back Mountain either. Mrs. Cleavage Manilow is surprised VP Scary is making policy….after all, that’s HER job. CLG tells Cleavage she needs to do something about it. She starts to have a nervous breakdown. CLG says that he meant that she should talk to President Manilow, not have a breakdown.

7:21 – Bill gets on the speaker system to let the other people in the other locked rooms that unless they’re very very careful, Edgar will break into one of their rooms to try and rejoin the cast. And also that the gas is in danger of getting through the seals. They’re going to have to help themselves. Edgar hears “help themselves” and starts rifling through the lunches people brought.

7:22 – Jack wants Chloe to access the ventilation system, and she refuses because there’s gas out there and stuff. Jack tells her to use her computer instead. She says there’s a computer in another part of CTU that can help vent the gas, and by an amazing coincidence, they have a way to get there through a false panel in the wall right behind her! Everyone turns to the camera and gives the “Do you believe that?” look.

7:24 – Jack takes a deep breath, and goes in!

Commercial

7:28 – Jack’s crawling around the insides of CTU, comes out somewhere and tapes the floor off, blocking Edgar who was right behind him.

7:30 – He’s going into the contaminated area, and prys open a wall panel, only to see that someone has been messing with the computers. It looks like someone installed Mac drivers on a Windows machine.

7:31 – Kim snaps at Chloe, and “Barry” says to “breathe”. Chloe says “What’s with your ‘breathing’? Is that your solution for everything?” I’m not sure what I can add to that.

7:32 – Jack gets to take a breath! Two minutes!

7:32 – They can’t get to the computer. They figure that The Hobbit is in Holding Room 4, and they want him to go to the computer to start the vents going. And, uh, whoops…. there’s no place to go after that, so he’ll, um….die.

7:33 – The Red Shirt guard realizes that they’ll BOTH die, and Jack tells him to look at the shirt color he’s got on, and think Star Trek. Edgar can be heard in the background…. “Don’t do it! It’s a bad career move! You’ll be out of the show!”. Red Shirt doesn’t understand until Edgar says “Think Tasha Yar!”.

7:34 – The Hobbit tells Red Shirt that they have to go to Mount Doom. Red Shirt doesn’t like this one bit.

Commercial

7:39 – Kim apologies to Chloe. Chloe is having a bad day. Edgar yells “So am I!”

7:41 – Red Shirt’s on the phone with his daughter to say his final goodbye. 🙁

7:42 – The Hobbit opens the door, starts running for the computer and restores the program. It’s going to take 15 minutes He made it back to the room.

7:43 – Jack thanks them both. Red Shirt thinks he’s OK…..but he dies. The Hobbit starts to shake and dies too.

7:46 – Buckaroo still isn’t talking. Jack wants Chloe to work on Buckaroo’s disk. Kim tells Jack that she doesn’t want to be around him. Kim says she noticed that people die when Jack’s around them. She runs to “Barry”. Audrey asks Jack if he’s OK, and he says “No”. Edgar yells “I’m not OK either!”

Commercial

7:51 – Manilow thinks that VP Scary’s idea is just great and sees to problem with telling the eleventy-bazillion people in LA that they can’t go outside, or try and leave, or anything like that. Nope, he’s thought it through, and he sees no problem. He’s sure everyone will cooperate. Mrs. Manilow tells him that VP Scary is pulling his strings. Manilow starts to tear up, and HE starts singing “Mandy”.

7:52 – Terrorist gets a phone call, and IEST calls a female terrorist, who hangs up on him because she still needs to get info. Oh, and she’s wearing a negligee and is with some guy in an apartment. Typical terrorists.

7:53 – Bill gets a phone call from Madam Haig in Homeland Security, who says she’s in charge. Bill looks pretty upset because first The Dead Hobbit wanted to take over his job, and now SHE does. Bill says he’ll need about 20 in comm, 35 in tactical, and one Edgar. She tells Bill he’ll be there in a minute.

7:54 – Madam Haig wants to take down CTU, and send everyone home! They’re reformating computers! Chloe’s gonna be mad about that! Offscreen, Edgar yelling “SEE! SEE! I TOLD YOU!”

7:57 – Jack tells “Barry” to get Kim out of the city, NOT turn back, and not to sing. Edgar tries to mix in with the crowd as everyone is leaving the rooms they were in, and a giant hook from stage left grabs him, but he doesn’t move. Then a second hook grabs him and he gets pulled off stage.

7:58 – Tony says Buckaroo looks dead and stuff. Jack tries to tell him not to kill Buckaroo, and that he’d regret it.

7:58 – Tony knocks out the other agent, and Tony pulls a hypo to stab Buckaroo, but he can’t do it. BUCKAROO RETURNS TO LIFE AS ROBOCOP AND STABS TONY WITH THE HYPO!

7:59 – Jack finds Tony and tries to call for help. Tony says that Michelle is gone, and dies in Jack’s arms.
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6:02 – Manilow yells some more at Bill at CTU, wanting to know what’s going on. Bill says that, apparently, Manilow is actually President of the United States, but he has no explanation for this.

6:04 – Kim Bauer, Jack’s daughter is at CTU! Audrey sees her and almost cries.

6:05 – Audrey tells Jack that she almost cried when she saw him, and Jack tells Audrey she cries at everything. Jack gives her the OK. She starts crying, and Jack tells that’s not what he meant. She can go ahead and tell Kim.

6:06 – Kim introduces Audrey to “Barry”. Audrey says that if “Barry” comes in contact with President Manilow, the universe will implode, and that Jack is alive.

6:07 – Kim looks as if she just found out that she’s making less money than everyone else in the case.

6:08 – There’s a Scary looking guy in waiting for Manilow, and it turns out he’s the vice-president. Since he’s second in command, I have absolutely no expectations for this guy whatsoever. I’m surprised this guy is actually breathing. Cheney Looking Guy looks surprised too, because he thought HE was the vice-president.

6:09- The Scary Vice President (SVP) appears to have more guts that Manilow himself, although he’s already starting to do Scary things. Manilow will let ANYONE talk him into ANYTHING. I’m just waiting for Scary to tell Manilow to do the Riverdance, because in the state he’s in, Manilow might just do it.

6:11 – Buckaroo is trying to make a deal with Jack, but won’t tell Jack what he wants to know. Jack’s having none of it, because if he knew the whole plot the show would end early.

6:12 – Terrorist car guy is IN CTU! This can’t be good.

6:17 – Curtis is on his way back. Jack is back. Kim is back. Everyone’s back. Even “Barry”.

6:18 – Jack goes to see his daughter, Kim, because he always has time for touching moments during the middle of terrorists situations. Kim’s mad. And “Barry” mouths off to Jack. Baaaaaad idea, “Barry”.

6:20 – Kim doesn’t want to her Jack’s explanation, and wants to leave. Jack asks her to stay, but she needs to talk to “Barry”. Kim begins to do an Audrey impression, and starts to cry.

6:21 – Terrorist Car Guy has a gizmo with the layout of CTU, which is as accessible to terrorists as Manilow’s cell phone number. He goes into what looks like the server room, and looks fans that lead to the ventilation system. My guess is that he’s not going to be putting apple pies in there so everyone can get a nice whiff.

6:22 – Tony’s back in the hospital area of CTU. He confronts Bill and wants to know what’s going on, but Bill says he can’t tell him. Tony wants to know who killed Michelle. I think that if Tony spots Buckaroo, Buckaroo is going to go “Banzai” at the hands of Tony.

6:25 – Buckaroo is strapped into the chair in the interrogation room, and Jack finds out that Kim is dating her shrink. Jack thinks that Robocop is going to be a tough nut to crack. Edgar pops up and asks Jack if he means “Beer Nuts”.

6:27 – Robocop ain’t talking, so he lets a random CTU guy start pumping Robocop up with some CTU drugs that make Robo press his lips together really hard. Jack tells random CTU guy to use the drugs that loosen his lips, not tighten them.

6:32 – Mrs. Manilow’s outside for a smoke and Cheney Looking Guy says that Manilow needs her. Cheney Looking Guy wants Mrs. Manilow to stop Scary Vice President.

6:35 – Yup…server room. Terrorist guy just shut down the ventilation system. Kerry tries to warn Edgar, but since she has no food, he snaps at her. She goes to check out the problem with the vent system.

6:36 – Mrs. Manilow goes to see Manilow, who tries to look aloof, which is good, because he’s been acting like a Loof. He asks her to forgive him, and they share a tender moment. Edgar hears this, and calls to ask about “Tender Vittles”, but they tell him to get back to work.

6:38 – Kerry goes into the server room to check and sees the vents. She tries to make a phone call with her cell phone, and for the first time in the last hour and thirty-eight minutes, the cell signal doesn’t work because of the cement walls. Terrorist Guy kills her.

6:43 – Terrorist Guy places the canister to go off in 15 minutes, which again, is the top of the hour, the time for all critical plot twists.

6:44 – Kim goes to see Chloe, and Chloe confesses that she knew Jack was alive. Chloe tells Kim to cut Jack some slack, since President All-State and Michelle bought the farm, Tony nearly bought a small garden, and Chloe narrowly escaped buying a timeshare.

6:45 – Bill goes to see The Hobbit, and tells The Hobbit that LAPD found his sister dead. The Hobbit says that’s impossible. The LAPD would have taken weeks to find that out. The Hobbit seems pretty broken up, because Gandalf isn’t coming. The Hobbit admits that the CTU key card was taken.

6:47 – Bill calls Chloe to check the card, and Chloe finds that the card was used! IT’S LOCKDOWN TIME!

6:48 – Buckaroo is made of pretty tough stuff. (They haven’t figured out he’s really Robocop yet) A buzzer on the medical device, the CTU lockdown signal and Jack’s phone go off at the same time. No one thinks this is the least bit strange. I suspect Edgar’s messing the the computers to distract everyone while he raids the candy machine.

6:52 – Bill sends Jack into the North entrance. Red shirt guard, in grand Star Trek tradition, gets beaten up and taken hostage.

6:54 – Terrorist guy shoots him when an alarm goes off when they try and use a service entrance, which was clearly marked “SERVICE ENTRANCE. ALARM WILL SOUND”. Terrorist guy grabs a walkie-talkie for his kid.

6:55 – Jack finds the dead guard and notices that the walkie-talkie is missing. Jack sends a fake message to Audrey and Bill about where the terrorist is, and she sees him onscreen so she knows what he’s up to. Edgar behind Audrey and Bill, and is in the background shaking a candy machine.

6:56 – Terrorist Guy goes to leave, and Jack catches him. Terrorist Guy drops the gun, tries to shoot Jack with another gun (do NONE of these guys know about Jack?) and Jack kills him.

6:57 – Jack finds the device on Dead Terrorist Guy, and tells Bill about the little device that Dead Terrorist Guy had. Bill orders an immediate Code 6 evacuation. The phone rings, Chloe picks it up. Edgar is in the server room, finds Kerry dead, and leaves the room just as the canister starts passing gas.

6:58 – Gas is in CTU, and people are dying. Chloe does the lockdown.

6:59 – Robocop looks like he’s in stasis. People are dying all over the place.

Edgar runs back into the room, sees that he’s sealed off and dies.

Ah man! Not Edgar!

5:01 – The Secret Service agents decide it’d be just fine to let the Russians and Mrs. Manilow stand out in the wide open, because no one would attack them in the wide open.

5:05 – Impecible English Speaking Terrorist (IEST), who apparently has quite a few Terrorist Engineers at his disposal, talks to Terrorist car guy about the plan. You’d think by now that the governement would have screened for this

5:05 – Terrorist car guy calls the boyfriend of The Hobbits sister, and the boyfriend wants to sell the Terrorist guy the Hobbit’s access card. I see NO problem in store for them whatsoever.

5:06 – Manilow starts yelling at Cheney Looking Guy and starts acting manly. Apparently he’s been reading this blog

5:07 – Jack’s calling in on speaker phone, saying that the servers were blown up. Chloe hears this and looks really mad about the servers. Jack’s going after Robocop, who is disguised as a human named Buckaroo Banzai

5:08 – Buckaroo is on the phone, and gets voice mail when he calls. “Dial 1 if you’re a terrorist waiting for a money drop, Dial 2 if you’re a terrorist that just blew up someone he knows, Dial 3 if you’re a terrorist that needs plans for a weapon, Dial 0 to reach an operator”. He dials 2.

5:09 – Curtis is using his cell phone inside CTU, which, as you may have noticed, has cement walls specially constructed to allow cell phones to work right through them, unlike the rest of the country where cell phones can be blocked by a stiff wind.

5:12 – Tony talks to the doctor and pulls out the straw from his nose. He sees the giant cotton pad on his face, and rips it off. The cotton pad, not his face.
Tony goes to the computer, looks up Michelle, and the computer comes up with her record as deceased.

5:17 – A helicopter arrives with Mrs. Manilow and the Russians, and SHE’S MAD! She’s finally figured out that he’s a wimp.

5:18 – Manilow lets President Russian in on the whole plot, except that pesky part where he knew this was all going to happen. He tries to pass off the missle shot at the car and the flame thrower as an “American custom”, but it doesn’t look like President Russian is buying it.

5:20 – Bill goes to talk to The Hobbit, who looks MAD. (Everyone looks mad tonight!) The Hobbit wants to call his sister, who is secretly believes will call Gandalf for some help. He also wants the keycard for Mordor, but the boyfriend wants to sell it. I still see no problem with his plan.

5:22 – Manilow wants to go see Mrs. Manilow, and he backs down from Mrs. Manilow’s assistant, after calling her Ellen and Evalyn Good career move!

5:23 – Edgar has a match! And some cheese doodles! And the right place for where the terrorists might hit… It’s a grocery store! Edgar runs out in a panic, screaming at the top of his lungs, until Chloe points out that it’s a hospital that the terrorists might hit.

5:24 – A terrorist, dressed as an orderly, comes out of the hospital closet…..er, so to speak. He put a canister under gurney. He giggles as he says the word “gurney”.

5:29 – Jack’s outside Buckaroo’s house, talking to Audrey on the phone. She tells him about the hospital attack. He sees Buckaroo’s wife

5:30 – Curtis is on the phone to the hospital, telling him that the nerve gas will go off in about 30 minutes. The hospital guy on the phone tries to tell Curtis that it’s a big hospital, and it’ll take more time, and if he could please have more time to do it.

5:31 – Mrs. Buckaroo looks worried, but stands up to Jack better than President Manilow would.

5:32 – Mrs. Buckaroo looks at the Buckaroo’s Terrorist computer, which appears to be a Mac, which is suspicious, considering that most of them use Windows.

5:33 – Top Secret Service guy goes to see Mrs. Manilow, and she thanks him. He thanks her for the opportunity to shoot people. She squeezes his hand.

5:34 – Cheney Looking Guy interrupts, and she tells him that the president can go “convey” himself. Cheney Looking Guy is mad that Top Secret Service guy didn’t squeeze his hand too.

5:35 – The hospital. Apparently Michael Bolton has entered the building, because people are FLOODING out of it. The hospital admin says that the high risk newborns are stuck there, and Curtis looks concerned they might actually hear the Michael Bolton music.

5:36 – Terrorist guy at the hospital calls IEST guy, and tells him to go to the basement and call from there. Even the hospital has those amazing cell phone friendly cement walls!

5:41 – Audrey give the background on IEST guy to President Manilow.

5:42 – Chloe finds out that Buckaroo has been downloading illegal music files!

5:43 – Jack patiently tries to explain AGAIN to Mrs. Buckaroo that Buckaroo tried to kill him. By blowing him up. Mrs. Buckaroo says that Jack must have misunderstood the bombing, and that Buckaroo must have been joking! Ha! That card! Now she accuses Jack of being a hater.

5:44 – Chloe find a shadow drive on the computer, using that amazing networking software of hers. Mrs. Buckaroo doesn’t know the password.

5:44 – Hospital again, the security there is actually on the ball, having seen the Terrorist Hospital Guy on camera. Curtis takes a few security guards downstairs to find Terrorist Hospital Guy, while taking advantage of that amazing cell phone friendly cement.

5:45 – Terrorist Hospital Guy sets the bomb timer for 10 minutes, because he knows that all major plot twists occur near the top of the hour.

5:46 – Curtis tells Terrorist Hospital Guy to freeze, and when he doesn’t , Curtis uses some bullets to make him freeze. He’s frozen now.

5:47 – Curtis finds the canister on the gurney, and one of the guards tries to touch it because he’s clearly an idiot. Most people would see a scary looking mechanical device sitting on a gurney with blinking lights (the device, not the gurney), having been put there by a terrorist that just got shot and think “Oooo! Shiny!”

5:52 – Hospital again, and the Intel bunny suit guys are entering the building.

5:52 – Chloe won’t be able to analyze the encryption in time.

5:53 – Jack jumps Buckaroo! Mrs. Buckaroo still doesn’t believe Jack. Jack tells her to unlock the briefcase. It’s full of money! Buckaroo tries to convince her that there’s a perfectly innocent explanation.

5:54 – WHOA! Jack shoot MRS. BUCKAROO! Jack threatens to kill her, and Buckaroo tells her that he won’t do a thing. Jack calls an ambulence

5:58 – Remote timer says it’ll go off in 1:11, near the top of the hour, on schedule. They run through a heavily occupied area, and dump it into a glass tank just in time! Yeah, Curtis! I’m not sure I’d take the mask off as fast as Curtis.