24 – Season 8 – 8pm to 9 pm

LAST TIME ON “24”, we found out that: The Russian mafia requires tattoos; Russians turn radioactive when they die; Dana and Chloe have speedy PowerPoint skills; Jack is going to need to speak to someone about getting a refund on plane tickets to L.A.; Renee is on a one-woman mission to stop people from hitchhiking, one thumb at a time.

The following takes place between 8pm and 9 pm.

8:00 pm – In Fictional Middle Eastern Country, a man receives a phone call from Fahrad. The man tells Fahrad that lots of people suspected in the plot against Hassan have been getting free, all-expense-paid tickets to the local police headquarters. Fahrad says that once they have the uranium, everything will be fine. They’ll sneak into police headquarters and when everyone is distracted because their hair is falling out, they’ll get their supporters out.

8:02 pm – Bazhaev, the lead Russian bad guy, is with his son, who is still sick because he watched “Twilight” without protective goggles. Josef, his other son, tries convince his father he can take his brother to, “House”, since he’s just a few minutes before this show and he’s sure they’ll be right back. Bazhaev said that he’d rather his son be taken to the country house instead, so he can die in peace there.

8:03 pm – Fahrad tells Bazhaev that their money will be here within the next five episodes. While he’s waiting, Bazhaev offers him two women, and some coupons for penicillin, redeemable at the closest local hospital.

8:05 pm – Meanwhile, Renee realizes that her impromptu surgery skills, as well as her bedside manner, leave a lot to be desired. Jack’s making a phone call to headquarters, and telling Renee that she’s pretty unstable, even by Jack’s standards. Renee tells him that she’s the best chance they have to get to the Russians, and Jack finally agrees, just as long as she doesn’t start adding more thumbs to her collection.

8:06 pm – The guy wakes up screaming because he’s covered with Kool-Aid. Renee finally calms him down by telling him that she’ll cut him in on the deal for the money she’s going to make, making his cut (“ha ha”) worth quite a bit. She tells him that she’ll give him a hand getting up, which he doesn’t consider remotely funny.

Continue reading “24 – Season 8 – 8pm to 9 pm”

Ask Buxley

Hey, if you’re looking around for the other funny stuff I’ve been up to lately when “24” isn’t on the air, go over and check out “Ask Buxley“, or follow AskBuxley on Twitter. It’s entirely “World of Warcraft” humor, so if you like playing that MMO, check it out.

“Ask Buxley” is a regular segment at the end of “The Instance” podcast, one of the top rated podcasts in the “Games and Hobbies” category. The hosts, Scott Johnson and Randy Jordan do a great job on that podcast, and I feel fortunate to be able to contribute to it.

Season 7 – 24 – 10 pm to 11 pm

Last time on 24, we found out that: Jack has special training in all variety of weapons, including dirt movers; People who were wrong about Jack, who find that out and want to help, usually end up dead; Olivia is either not a sleazy weasel, or she is a sleazy weasel. We’re not sure which yet.

10:00 pm – Outside Senator Foreman’s house, the Senator is being paid by “24” to stay really still while Agent Larry looks things over.

10:01 pm – Ethan gets a phone call from Larry, who tells him that the Senator is now in line for the Dead Senator Sketch. Ethan gets so upset that he forgets his lines, and Agent Larry has to coax him into talking.

10:02 pm – Jack gets on the phone with Tony, and recaps everything that happened up until now. Jack talks fast, because a lot of things have happened. They agree to meet.

10:05 pm – Mrs. President talks to the First Manny, who’s in a hospital bed trying to move some facial muscles to express his happiness that Olivia is back. He can barely move, which kind of begs the question about how he got his hands on the phone in the first place.

10:06 pm – Mrs. President is riding high on the phone call from the First Manny, so of course Ethan has to bring her down to earth by telling her that one of her fellow cast members on the show is playing dead. Ethan also takes this opportunity to make sure he never has to work with Olivia again – he resigns. He uses the excuse that he let Jack be released, but we all know that he doesn’t want to work with Olivia. There’s lots of talk of agendas, legacies, and some creepy hand holding, but she finally accepts.
Continue reading “Season 7 – 24 – 10 pm to 11 pm”

Season 7 – 24 – 6pm to 8 pm

Previously on “24”, we learned: There was Good News and Bad News if your name ended in “ika” (as in Erika The Apprentice Mole and Marika The SUV Flipper): The Bad News – You died. The Good News – Your boyfriend tried to escape, but he was caught and is now in custody; Dubaku needs to get some pockets for his data storage devices; Chloe ALWAYS has backups – Even Chloe’s backups have backups; Instead of Janis being the only annoying one on the show, we also have Olivia. We would gladly trade Edgar for Janis AND Olivia, even if Edgar were still dead; Tony has the ability to find Jack, no matter where Jack is in Washington, DC; Instead of picking on Jack Bauer, Senator Red Foreman should be picking staff that aren’t parts of terrorist plots.

6:00 pm – At the hospital, it looks like they’re trying to build a bionic Dubaku, which wouldn’t be good for anyone. Someone seems to have realized this because they squirted a gin and tonic into Dubaku’s intravenous tube, putting him into cardiac arrest.

6:01 pm – General Juma is on TV reruns at the White House. Mrs. President and Ethan spend some time arguing with an Admiral about finding Juma.

6:06 pm – Finding him doesn’t appear to be very difficult, because he’s standing in the middle of Washington, DC wearing military fatigues. (Score another win for the INS). Juma talks things over with Dubaku’s son, Laurent, who is wondering where his dad is. Laurent said his father was going to take him to a baseball game, get him some cotton candy, and execute a terrorist plot. Juma assures him that everything is OK, and then gets a phone call from the guy that gave Dubaku that gin and tonic IV. Dubaku is dead. Renee arrives at the hospital just in time to ask what happened, since she has no idea what’s going on. She gets the official diagnosis from the attending physician: He has no idea what happened either.
Continue reading “Season 7 – 24 – 6pm to 8 pm”

The Year in Hollywood 2008

The year 2008 will go down in history as the final year of the presidential primaries, which started approximately three years before any of the candidates were born. That was highly entertaining for everyone except the American people that had to suffer through approximately 10,000 hours of political commercials per day.

Having said that, let’s look at something slightly less entertaining, what Hollywood was up to:

January – Lost debuts, giving people hope that all the weird questions about the show will be answered.

Hollywood was in the midst of a writer’s strike, which meant that a lot of people who you’ve never heard of were running around with picket signs. Hollywood executives were very concerned, and said so through numerous very sincere press releases from their limousines.

People were just beginning to realize that what was going on meant disaster because it meant more reality television. By the end of the month, all the experts were saying that the writer’s strike was going to last for at least another six months.

February – Listening to the experts in January, the American people brace themselves for a long strike, which ends in early February.

Big Brother 9 starts up, answering the question, “They’re not really going to do a ninth season, are they?”

March – The show “New Amsterdam” debuts and is watched by literally several people;

The show “The Return of Jezebel James” proves that some shows weren’t meant to show up, let alone return from anywhere.

April – Miley Cyrus poses for photos for Annie Leibovitz in Vanity Fair, and everyone is actually shocked when they turn out to be a bit provocative. They use the excuse that all the adults went to the bathroom at the same time while this was happening, and they promise never to do that again.

May –Survivor Micronesia’s biggest Survivor fan ever, Erik, must have missed all the shows where people scheme behind each other’s backs and gives up an immunity idol on the show. He’s completely shocked when they actually vote him off the tribe for being stupid.

Indiana Jones returns in “Indiana Jones – Raiders of the Lost Teeth”.

Lost’s season ends, leaving us with a lot of old weird questions unanswered, and a whole bunch of new weird questions unanswered.

June – Jamie Lynn Spears gives birth, trying to top her sister in the “I’m Crazier Than You” category by naming the kid “Spearmint”, before later changing it to “Maddie Briann”.

George Carlin dies, causing everyone else to say seven dirty words.

Pixar knocks another animated movie out of the ball park when it debuts “WALL-E”, a movie where a robot discovers a group of humans that just sit around in front of screens and do nothing but eat. This movie goes over very well with a bunch of humans who sit around in movie theatres, watch a large screen and do nothing but eat.

July – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie give birth to twins – This was mostly Jolie’s role, although Pitt said he could have done the birth himself, if the role had called for it. They’re both surprised when they realized they could have their own kids, rather than traveling around the world looking for them.

August – Summer Olympics starts up in China with a spectacular show that can be seen in high-definition, even from the moon. They use humans to form a large pyramid, letters of the Chinese alphabet, and the stadium itself. Controversy unfolds as Europe accuses a 6 month old Chinese child wins the gymnastics all-around, and also accuses Michael Phelps of being part dolphin.

The press announces that Madonna turns 50, still performing in her “I might break a hip” tour.

September – New Kids On The Block release a record – again; 90210 debuts – again; People begin to wonder if any new things are going to ever come out, or if we’re doomed to recycled television shows.

SNL returns for it’s 600-th season, and breaks it’s own record for actually being funny twice in one season.

Heroes starts a new season, which promises to be all different this time around because this time they’re going to save the whole world!

October – Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce, causing people to ask, “Wait! When did she get married?”

“High School Musical 3: Senior Year” debuts, millions of parents pray that none of them end up in college for a four movie sequel.

November – The election finally ends; half the country is upset, half the country is overjoyed, and half the country doesn’t understand there aren’t three halves in a whole.

“Twilight” opens, which is yet another story about vampires falling in love, which was never done on a show like “Angel” or “Moonlight”.

On Heroes, the “Villains” episode is shown. This proves to be a turning point in the show because things are a lot more interesting when the Heroes have someone to go up against; unfortunately, there aren’t many new characters, just a lot of old ones behaving badly.

24: Redemption” is shown, but it turns out that it has nothing to do with S&H Green Stamps.

December – NBC announces that Jay Leno will now be on at 10 pm, allowing everyone to go to bed an hour earlier.

See you in 2009!

Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop

Mike Peters and Steve
I attended “The Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop” last weekend. The workshop is this the only humor workshop held in the US. It’s held only once every two years. I met quite a few people, and everyone was great!

Keynote speakers were Garrison Keillor, Martha Bolton, Matt Sloan & Aaron Yonda, and Mike Peters.

Sorry about the photo, but that’s what I get for bringing the cell phone camera, and not my regular camera!