Category: Television

Previously on “24”: We found out that: President Logan’s new look seems to be a really bad impression of Grizzly Adams; Soon-To-Be-President-By-Explosion Noah is setting the wheels in motion to implement all kinds of repressive tactics, but on the plus side wants to build a very big ark to save the animals; The Russian embassy has explosive doors; Jack really needs to stay the heck out of foreign embassies, because the ambassadors there look madder than Chick McGee after a Redskins loss.

The following summary takes place between 6 pm and 7 pm:

6:00 pm – President Logan enters CTU, but no one is asking for any autographs as he’s lead to a holding room. Chloe goes in the same room to set up a computer, because it has a particularly difficult installation procedure that requires that the software be installed in the presence of an ex-President. Logan really doesn’t like being in that room, and Chloe comes close to tasering him, but decides to leave instead of listening to his questions.

6:01 pm – Bill introduces everyone to child actor Ricky Shroder, who will be playing adult Mike Doyle for the remainder of his stay on the “24” set. Milo starts to whine about the whole “illegal” part of the plan to storm the embassy to get Markov and Jack, which clearly shows he hasn’t been paying any attention to any of the previous seasons. Bill says he wants a comprehensive siege plan on his desk soon, and it better not be an incomprehensive siege plan like last time.

6:02 pm – Doyle asks for the keys to the server, and Chloe says she doesn’t have a spare set but she’ll let him look at the computers if he’s really good. Nadia says she can set up what he wants on the computers, and Doyle proves that he’s as good at spouting technobabble as any of the rest of them. We also find out that Milo and Doyle know each other from something that happened in Denver, and I can only guess that it has to do with Olympic skating and a bet gone bad. That’s only a guess though.

6:04 pm – Jack is being taken downstairs at the consulate, and when he turns the corner we see a body laying at the bottom of the stairs, which is the custom in Russia for bodies. The guy with Jack pushes Jack down the stairs, and calls Markov to confirm that he’s supposed to kill Jack. This gives Jack just enough time to steal a really cool belt from the dead guy, take a face-plant whiff of the dead guy’s shirt. Just as the guy is going to shoot, Jack uses some Kung-Fu Fighting belt slinging to get the gun away. Jack grabs the gun and shoots the guy, who clearly didn’t learn any lessons from The Untouchables and brought a knife to a gun fight. Markov, who has been watching all this on his computer screen, sends a bunch of men after Jack, who uses the old “hide in a storage room” technique to get away from them.

6:06 pm – They can’t find Jack, who’s hiding near the ceiling, but they’ve set up a Russian Perimeter to catch him. This probably won’t work, because Russian perimeters aren’t nearly as good as the American versions. Jack uses the storage room phone, because that’s where they keep phones in Russia, and calls Morris. Unfortunately, is a Soviet-era phone and it hangs up immediately. Jack can only tell Morris that he knows how to find Gredenko. Jack finds a fuse panel. Jack takes a squirrel, which is the expert animal at this sort of thing, and throws it into the fuse panel. This shorts out all the lights in the consulate.

6:08 pm – Milo goes running to Bill to tell him Jack knows where Gredenko is. Bill tells Milo to let Doyle know that Jack is no longer dispensable, since without him the show would end, and they still have twelve hours to go.

6:09 pm – Bill goes to talk to Logan, who has been sitting around. Bill tries to get out of talking to Logan, but when he realizes Logan knows something about Jack and the consulate, he listens to what Logan has to say. Bill tells him about the plan to distract the Russians with some excellent vodka and then they’ll grab Markov and Jack. Logan says it’ll never work because Markov won’t let himself be captured, which is a trick I think everyone at CTU, including Jack, would like to see. Logan seems to think that Mrs. Logan, who has been put away in the funny farm, can help them talk to President Suvarov’s wife. Logan says Martha is in a unique position to help them. Bill points out that hanging upside-down from suspension boots in a strait jacket is indeed a unique position, but he’s willing to help. Logan wants to try and get through to Martha, which I believe involves wearing a tin-foil cap and howling, but we’ll have to see.

6:10 pm – Doyle tells Chloe that he wants three people on each team, instead of five. Chloe points out that the NCAA tournament won’t allow a rules change like that, and to just leave her in peace while she fills out the brackets for the office pool. Doyle ignores this, and wants to know who has the defense figures. That would be Morris who gives a smart aleck response to Doyle. Doyle doesn’t like this and thinks that making Morris lean over in his chair is a great way to scare him, because of people’s natural fear of leaning back in chairs. Doyle makes a little speech about how he’s really tough now, and that he’s switched Rick back to Ricky in real life. He tells everyone that they need to “respect his authoritah”. After the little speech, Milo tells Doyle that Morris isn’t a pushover. Milo says “I thought I was a pain in the ass”, and everyone in the CTU situation room agrees.

6:12 pm – In the presidential bunker, Lennox meets with Noah. Lennox wants to be sure that Reed and the magic marker bomb guy gets what’s coming to them, which he hopes is one of the prisons they talked about in “Office Space”. Noah tells Lennox they’ll be punished but that he has a bigger goal. Noah says, “I just want to keep America United”. Lennox says that he wants to keep Delta Continental, but that this is no time to be talking about airline companies. Noah tells him that it’s really important that Lennox tell the ambassador that Assad planted the bomb that injuring President Wayne. Lennox isn’t too hip about this. Noah sweet talks Lennox into doing telling this and Lennox agrees… a little too soon. Lennox asks what Noah is going to tell the ambassador, and Noah says that he’s going to hold the ambassador’s country to blame for the nuclear weapons, the assassination attempt, Paris Hilton, global warming, squirrel terrorism, and anything else he can think of.

Commercial

6:20 pm – Fayed finally arrives with the bombs, and goes to admire Gredenko’s crazy hairdo.

6:21 pm – Bill and Noah are on the phone, and Bill fills Noah in on the Logan-Martha-Suvarov-plan, and then giggles under his breath because now that he says it out loud, it seems like a really silly plan. Noah agrees it’s pretty silly. Bill tells Noah about the seige on the consulate, and Noah is uncharacteristically unenthusiastic about the mayhem that would result. He probably never saw The Two Towers. He wants to know how long it will take to get a plan together, and Doyle says that they’re going to go with the “20-minute siege” plan. Bill tells Doyle to take a team, await Word about what to do, Excel and what they will do, and PowerPoint the pistols at the bad guys. Doyle says he’ll take his entourage and leave.

6:22 pm – It’s a beautiful day at the institution, and Secret Agent Aaron is carrying bag of groceries! He and Martha are a couple! Aaron brought magazines, raspberries and kiwi. The produce makes Martha very happy, and she feeds some to Aaron. Logan calls, and Aaron answers, “It’s a beautiful day in Martha Logan’s bungalow!” Martha doesn’t want to talk to him. Logan explains that he’s at CTU, and that it has to do with the nuclear attack. Aaron seems reluctant to let Logan talk to Martha, because it would just be like Logan to blame the whole thing on her. Logan says whatever Aaron thinks isn’t important. Aaron tells Logan that he doesn’t have to put up with any sarcasm anymore, which is interestingly weird, since that was more of a put-down, not sarcasm. Logan says, “Tell her it’s about the Suverovs”. Aaron does this, and Martha immediately grabs the phone. She seems pretty anxious to find out what’s going on, for someone she met for less than a couple of hours, but then again, it was a little bit of human contact during her marriage to Logan. Logan says there’s an international problem brewing, and Martha says that she’s not interested in beer, and won’t listen. Logan tells Aaron that he’s going to take a chopper to see them, and that Aaron should convince Martha to see him. Aaron looks anxious to see how silly Logan is going to look riding a motorcycle, so he agrees.

Commercial

6:31 pm – Disappointingly, Logan is flying over in a helicopter. Bill tells him that Martha better have the Suvarovs on speed dial, because the Russian consulate will be attacked pretty soon.

6:32 pm – Jack is still running around the consulate basement. It doesn’t appear that he’s shot anyone since the last time we saw him. He looks really anxious to shoot someone soon. He sneaks up on a couple of people with his gun drawn, tells them that he doesn’t want to hurt them but that he will kill them if they don’t cooperate. The man points out that, technically, killing someone is hurting them, but Jack ignores this. Jack asks if they both speak English, and they not only speak English, but they speak gun as well. Jack wants to make a phone call, and tells the guy to go upstairs and grab the satellite phone. The guy looks like he sure hopes it’s been charged up.

6:33 pm – Outside of Martha’s bungalow, the helicopter just landed, and we can tell it did because one of the film crew ran out there and spun the blade on the back of the helicopter just to prove it just landed. Logan tries to shake Aaron’s hand, but Aaron has the good sense not to get Logan cooties and declines. They go inside, and Aaron tells Logan that Martha doesn’t want to see her. Logan tells Aaron that it’s super-duper-pretty-please important that he talk to Martha. She finally comes out, saying “You’ve lost weight. So, this is the new improved Charles Logan. Reborn”. Well, for someone that thinks that Logan is one of the pod people, she seems remarkably calm. Logan tries to explain the twisted plot from the last twelve hours, but without the help from people on a certain blog, there’s no way he can explain it. Martha doesn’t like this, and he finally shows her the fancy Presidential Restraining bracelet he’s been wearing, saying he’s going back to prison. Martha points out that a 10,000 square foot house isn’t a prison, not unless they’re constantly running episodes of “The Apprentice”. Logan tells Martha that she’s the only person that has Anya Suvarov on speed dial, so the country really needs her help. She consults with Aaron, and she finally agrees.

Commercial

6:42 pm – Nadia talks with a CTU Swat guy in the back of the CTU UPS truck, and he says that after they deliver a few packages, they’ll be right over to storm the consulate.

6:43 pm – Noah brings the ambassador into his office, and starts lying all over the place. Noah says that Assad is responsible for the bombing, shaving a former Mouseketeer’s head, and entire plot line of the first half of the current season of “Lost”. The ambassador is surprised by this, but Lennox confirms it. Noah points out that the country the ambassador is from has got quite a few terrorists, and that he thinks the country is manufacturing them around the clock, like little terrorist beanie babies, only bigger. Noah starts using the “Whatever I Say Must Be True, Because I’m Saying It” tactic, and tells him that he’s got ships off the coast. He can unleash the military on the ambassador’s country. The ambassador seems pretty disturbed by this. He had no idea that the US kept their military personnel on leashes.

6:44 pm – Nadia tells Bill that Doyle will be ready in 15 minutes, which is the top of the hour, when all important plot twisting events happen on this show. Logan is on the phone with Chloe, and wants to know why they can’t get a hold of Anya yet. Chloe is already re-wiring her phone so that Logan can’t call her back, and while she’s doing this explains that it’s all “Russian politics”. He gets off the phone, and Martha starts needling Logan about Aaron being there, and starts cutting up food in the kitchen while she keeps talking to Logan. She must have special permission to use knives at this place. She really works herself into a frenzy before Aaron asks her to calm down. She looks very upset that her contract kept her on this show for another year. She’s so upset that she gets up to go to the kitchen, and then turns around and stabs Logan in the shoulder with her knife! President Tar-Tar! There go her knife privileges. Logan, who is remarkably calm about this turn of events, makes the classic Steve Irwin mistake which is when you’re stabbed with something that goes into an artery, do NOT pull it out yourself. Aaron yells for a medic. They sure have a problem keeping presidents and ex-presidents alive on this show.

Commercial

6:53 pm – Now Logan is getting Borg implants, and he’s wheeled out. Aaron is on the phone with Bill, who wants to know if Martha can make it through the phone call without stabbing anyone else. They finally get Anya on the line, and Martha starts to tell her about the shiny new handcuff jewelry she has on, but decides not to continue. They start talking about the consulate situation.

6:55 pm – Outside the wall at the consulate, the CTU guys and Doyle are filming clips for YouTube. Inside the consulate, Markov is on the phone with President Suvarov, who orders him to surrender to the Americans and to bring him some of those Fat Burgers when he comes back to Russia. Markov declines. President Suvarov tells Bill he didn’t like Markov’s tone of voice and that it’s just fine with him that the consulate gets stormed.

6:57 pm – The guy Jack sent for the phone comes back with it, and Jack tells him to use the unlock code. The door bursts open, and wouldn’t you know it, the guy who was entering the code gets shot. Who would have guessed that? Jack shoots the guy at the door, but there is a lot of shooting. Jack holds up his end of the shooting, but it’s not going well. Bill tells Doyle to go, and there’s a LOT of shooting outside. There’s more shooting than the last five episodes combined. Jack runs out of bullets, and just as he’s about to be caught, the guys on the outside throw a flash grenade into just that particular room, shoot the bad guys, and save Jack. Jack tries to make a phone call.

6:58 pm – Markov calls Gredenko, tells him that their evil plan isn’t working out as evilly as they hoped, and the they need to launch the bombs right away.

Doyle finds Jack downstairs, and Jack tells him to contact Bill with the information about where the bombs are.

Fayed tells Gredenko to arm the bomb!

6:59 pm – In the ambulance, Logan says, “Martha!” and dies. That makes about eleventy-seven people that died in one episode!

7:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: DRONE’S LAUNCH! MOLE AT CTU! THEY TRY AND FERRET IT OUT! I BLAME THE SQUIRRELS!

Previously on “24”: We found out: Security guards like coloring books; Yellow and Red don’t mix; President Logan doesn’t look any tougher in plaid and a beard; Expensive special effects at the beginning of a series lead to inexpensive special effects in the middle of the series – we expect at this rate the final scenes of the show will involve popcorn poppers.

The following summary takes place between 5 pm and 6 pm:

5:00 pm – President Wayne is going into surgery for some Borg implants.

5:00 pm – President Logan seems to bet getting all Leo Buscaglia with Jack, trying to have a tender moment with Jack, but Jack’s not buying it. Logan tries to explain being at his estate and being alone, and Jack doesn’t seem very sympathetic since he his own “estate” was a Chinese prison cell.

5:01 pm – Jack’s retro ringtone goes off on the JackPhone, and it is Bill calling. Bill tells Jack about the assassination attempt on President Wayne, and that they’re pretty sure that if they do the paperwork right away, they can blame everything on Assad. Bill does his best McCoy impression and says, “He’s dead, Jack”. Jack points out that this doesn’t make any sense, since Assad was there to HELP the president, and Bill seems disturbed that the paperwork won’t be nearly as easy Jack’s way. Logan looks hopeful that maybe he’ll get to be president again.

5:02 pm – In President Wayne’s operating room, (which no presidential bunker should be without) it looks they’re working on installing something on Wayne’s neck. They also have a machine that goes “ping!”, so the situation is pretty dire. Reed watches through the operating room window while this is going on, and goes to make a phone call just as a secret service agent walks up and completely freaks him out. He tells Reed that they want Lennox in the room where the vice president is being briefed.

5:03 pm – Safely away in the vice presidential airplane, vice-president Noah is getting briefed about President Wayne’s condition. He didn’t suffer any head wounds, which everyone considers a miracle, so that rules out going on a reality TV show. Secretary of Defense Kanin seems really anxious to make Noah the president.

5:05 pm – Kanin talks to Reed, and is surprised he doesn’t know where Lennox is. I think Kanin thinks Reed is a Lennox groupie. Kanin calls over an agent and tells him to sweep the bunker. After they’re done sweeping, they should find Lennox. The agent makes a phone call using his sleeve, which we all know is an important secret agent device since they upgraded from those shoe phones in the 1960s. Reed takes this opportunity to run/walk away to his electrical closet.

5:07 pm – The guy who screwed up and mixed the red markers and yellow markers instead of using the blue and green markers (which are much less prone to leaking) starts to argue with Reed because he’s seen the first half of the show and he REALLY wants to kill Lennox. Reed wants to be all high and mighty by saying that technically, they’re not murderers. They didn’t kill Wayne, only gave him a flesh wound, and Reed thinks he even heard him say that he’d like to go for a walk.

5:08 pm – Reed talks to Lennox. Reed tries to guilt Lennox into believing that Wayne was about to do the equivalent of sending the terrorists flowers. The only other option was to go with Lennox plan, which still involved flowers, but also many explosives and internment camps. Reed seems convinced that doing all this will prevent the nuclear weapons going off, which is typical Washington logic.

5:10 pm – Reed, Lennox and the incapable Red and Yellow Marker guy all walk out into the hallway, Reeds plan in place. All they have to do is tell the Secret Service agents that see them in the hallway everything is A-OK. Lennox decides that he’d end up with more screen time by telling the agents that Reed and Red and Yellow Marker guy were the ones that tried to kill Wayne! Reed looks a bit angry by this turn of events.

Commercial

5:16 pm – A woman named Lisa brings VP Noah a bunch of flashes that she wants him to look at. He tells her that he has no time to pick out camera equipment, because he’s about to be crowned king of the United States. He does want to talk to CTU though.

5:17 pm – Bill gets a call from VP Noah. Noah says that he heard that the White House flashed President Logan, which he considers highly unpresidential. Bill tells VP Noah, that Logan can meet with the consul, and that Jack is going to keep Logan on a short leash with very small collar so he won’t try and get away. Noah says that as soon as everything finishes up, he wants Logan sent back to his house, and to have Logan put under house arrest Noah hangs up before Bill can ask how to arrest a house.

5:18 pm – Outside the Russian consulate, Jack and Logan get out of the limo. Logan informs Jack that he wants to see Markov alone, since Markov owes him money. Jack looks pretty nervous about being in a consulate, which is probably justified considering what happened the last time Jack was in a consulate. Jack finally agrees to wait outside, but tells Logan that if he tries to escape through the bathroom window, he’ll know about it.

5:19 pm – Logan goes into to meet to with Markov. Markov doesn’t seem the least bit surprised to see Logan out of house arrest. Logan explains about the suitcase nuke saying that they’re pretty sure that Gredenko is behind it all, since they know he’s creeping around. Markov offers Logan a cigar. Logan says that he accidentally lit himself on fire once, and since he put it out, he doesn’t smoke anymore. Logan really presses the issue, and Markov admits that he and Gredenko were close (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Turns out that Logan has some incriminating phone conversations of Markov, and he’d be more than willing to send them to the Russian president. Markov still doesn’t give up, and Logan relents in his questioning.

5:23 pm – Logan tells Jack that since he’s an expert liar, he recognized that Markov has been lying about knowing Gredenko’s whereabouts.

5:23 pm – Sure enough, Markov makes a call to Gredenko. Markov tells him that the United States knows about him. Gredenko is mad about this, since Russia just exposed itself to everyone.

5:24 pm – Jack tells the driver to go through the gates out of the consulate, and pull over right away, since he hasn’t been to a bathroom in over twelve hours. Jack calls Chloe and tells her to pull the old “power outage at the Russian consulate trick”. Logan points out that consulates have not been a good thing for Jack.

Commercial

5:29 pm – Madam Haig does some product placement by showing her Sprint phone showing a little teeny tiny picture of a news guy talking about the special effect that went off earlier that day. She gets a phone call from Bill. After hearing what happened to President Wayne, she’s pretty sure that her resignation paperwork might have gotten blown up too, so she’s going to head back to the secret presidential bunker.

5:30 pm – Noah is really anxious to enact “The Lennox Plan”, as he gets on an elevator with his assistant Lisa. Lisa isn’t sure they should be considering installing air conditioners with everything that has happened today. Noah tells her “The OTHER Lennox” plan, the plan that Wayne DIDN’T want to use.

5:31 pm – Noah meets with Kanin, who was just waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open flanked by two army guys in camouflage. No one seems to think that this is the slightest bit odd. Noah wants to know about Wayne’s condition. Kanin tells him that he thinks its Humectress, at least it used to be, since he doesn’t have hair anymore. Kanin says, that’s not important now, since it’s too soon to find out what will happen to Wayne since he just blew up and they only now have him stabilized. Kanin mentions that Lennox remanded himself into custody. Noah gets a look on his face, thinking that this is a revolting development.

5:32 pm – Lennox is giving a statement to a secret service agent, regaling him with tales of his expert pole-dancing and his fancy footwork that sets pipe alarms off. Noah walks into the room, and tells everyone that he wants to talk to Lennox alone. Noah tries really hard to implicate Assad in the bombing, but it doesn’t make any sense to Lennox. Noah tries to find out what Lennox knows about “The Others” involved in the attack, and Lennox tells him that’s the wrong show, this is still “24”. Noah keeps saying that Assad was probably involved, and Lennox bursts out with a phrase that I think he’s been waiting to say since the show started: “That makes no sense whatsoever!” Lennox puts two and two together, and finally figures out that Noah wants to implement “The Lennox Plan”, but still isn’t sure about blaming Assad. Noah gives Lennox an ultimatum: Either he can stick with the “Assad is innocent” story, or he can be cleared of all charges and go along with “The Lennox Plan”. Lennox asks for door number 3, but Noah ignores him and leaves. After he leaves the room, VP Noah, who by now I think we can all agree is even scarier than VP Scary from last year, tells an agent that he wants to see Lennox’s statement before it goes to the Attorney General.

5:35 pm – Jack proves his versatility by climbing over a wall in coat and tie without getting it dirty, AND that he can speak Russian in a non-alarming “I’m not American” accent when a Russian agent sees him. Jack is able to divert the agent by telling him that he was ordered to count babushkas in the backyard. Chloe calls Jack that he has sixty seconds from the time things get turned off until the power gets turned back on.

5:36 pm – The Russian agents instead seem completely freaked out about the whole electricity thing, not understanding how things like “power outages” can happen in the US, since they thought that was just a Russian problem. While they’re distracted Jack sneaks into Markov’s office, proudly holding his gun out in front of him. Markov says, “What is this?” Jack points out that it’s a gun, and that he’s pretty sure they have those in Russia too. What he really wants to talk about is Gredenko.

5:37 pm – The power goes back on long enough for Markov to hit his Big Red Easy Button, but it only goes off for a very short time. The Russian agents knock on the door, and Jack knocks Markov out with one punch! (Go Jack!) Jack tells the agents that if they come through the door, he’ll kill Markov. Jack calls Bill and tells him that he’s in another consulate again, and he’s doing illegal stuff AGAIN. Bill looks pretty disappointed Jack didn’t learn his Chinese consulate lesson. Jack says that he just wants the White House advised of what’s going on, and that he’s NOT showing off for VP Noah by doing something like this. He’s just trying to get information from Markov about Gredenko.

Commercial

5:43 pm – VP Noah walks around the president’s desk while listening some really bad “I’m about to become president” music. Lisa walks in and tells him the press conference is going to start in about 10 minutes. She says they’ve checked and nobody with explosive magic markers has entered the building since the last guy, so she thinks things will be OK. Lisa says that Madam Haig is going to try and come back and pretend that whole “resignation” thing didn’t happen, and that Haig was against the Lennox plan.

5:45 pm – Bill calls VP Noah to tell him that Jack decided to hold Markov hostage, since things have been REALLY boring for the last couple of hours. President Suvarov calls Lisa on her phone (which begs the question of how he has HER number), and Noah takes the call. Suvarov is very mad, wants Jack to stop what he’s doing, and threatens to use “forceful diplomatic measures”, which is so funny that even Noah has to smile at that. Suvarov wants everything to go through “proper diplomatic channels”, after Jack surrenders.

5:46 pm – Jack surrenders one of his punches right into Markov’s nose, and yells a lot. Markov makes the mistake of telling Jack that he hasn’t spoken with Gredenko since Gredenko arrived in the US, and Jack never said a thing about Gredenko being in the US. Jack threatens Markov with a cigar cutter, and when Markov doesn’t say anything, Jack starts playing a really gruesome game of “This Little Piggy”.

5:47 pm – Outside of Markov’s office, the Russian agents watch “24” on a Dell PDA, and it happens to be the very same show they’re in right now! This kind of freaks them out a little, but they plan on breaking down the door soon.

5:48 pm – Jack tells Markov that Markov has to give him the information he wants, or Jack will shoot him, make sure Gredenko finds out, and then he’ll make sure that Paris Hilton will be exported to Russia. This proves too much for Markov, who finally says that Gredenko is in the Mojave Desert, in the Shadow Valley. Markov tells him that Gredenko is there sending off nuclear-weapon-equipped drones, which really makes Jack mad. He punches Markov again, and goes to leave.

5:49 pm – Tactical error on Jack’s part: Never try and exit through the front door. The door to Markov’s office blows up, knocking Jack backwards. Russian agents are all over the place! Markov gets up, gets a tissue for this finger, and punches Jack! They grab Jack and take him away!

Commercial

5:54 pm – Noah is making a speech on TV. He says he regrets to inform everyone that he’s now in charge. Noah says that he’s been really anxious to implement all kinds of repressive stuff.

5:54 pm – Nadia goes to talk to Chloe and Morris, and Morris thinks he can get messages that Jack might have been trying to send out of the consulate through a Windows PC that doesn’t have Service Pack 2 on it yet. Morris, who happens to read Russian, finds information that an American Agent is in custody and that they take this threat very seriously since he threatened them with Paris Hilton. Nadia tells Bill about Jack being held prisoner, which is exactly where Jack was 12 hours ago. Bill takes a play from the Jack Bauer Plan Of Action Playbook and orders special ops to draw up plans to take over the Russian consulate to get Jack back!

5:56 pm – A Russian agent comes into the room to watch Jack, and Jack tries to convince him that Markov is in on the whole Gredenko plot. The agent can’t believe Markov is involved, is about to leave, and Jack finally tells him, “I know you believe me”. This stops the agent cold, and he says “Was it in my eyes?” Jack ignores this, and asks for the agent’s help. Jack wants him to call CTU at 310-597-3781, make a vote for “Jack Bauer” on American Idol, and tell Bill Buchanan about Gredenko in the Shadow Valley.

5:59 pm – The Friendly Russian agent leaves to go to another room and calls CTU. One of the other agents comes into the room and shoots Friendly! The other agent turns off the phone! He just left Bill hanging there!

6:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: JACK SHOOTS PEOPLE! MARTHA LOGAN SITS ON A COUCH WITH SECRET AGENT AARON YELLING AT PRESIDENT LOGAN! NOAH THREATENS TO BLOW STUFF UP! BILL CALLS FOR THE CONSULATE TO BE STORMED!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!

Note I post these on Dave Barry’s Blog each week, and rehost them here on my own blog. You can read all the live blog comments on Dave’s blog. Join in! It’s fun! (And yes, I’m the “Steve”, they’re referring to).

PREVIOUSLY ON “24” – We found out that: Jack’s dad has really strict rules about letting his grandson out to get soft drinks; Lennox’s assistant Reed is still trying really hard to get out of his electrical closet and get an office upgrade; after she forgot how to run away earlier, Jack needed to tell Marilyn to “point and shoot” her gun, in case she messed up and accidentally “shot and pointed”; Jack’s dad doesn’t like heartfelt speeches, because he ran away instead of listening to Jack; President Manilow is trying to look more manly now, but it hasn’t helped.

The following summary took place between 4 pm and 5 pm:

4:00 pm – Fayed is driving in the back of a disguised Best Buy delivery truck talking to Gredenko about a shipment from Nevada. Fayed is really anxious to get things set up. Gredenko says it’s going to be a few more shows until the advanced pinball machine technology they’re using will be ready to set up. Gredenko tells his thug that Fayed is living in the dark ages, and from what the lighting inside of that van looked like, I think he was right.

4:01 pm – Either President Wayne is extremely tall, or a munchkin just came in and told him that “The Ambassador” is ready to meet him. “The Ambassador” tells Wayne that he’s just SHOCKED about the things that have happened today, and that he looks a lot more Indian than Arabic. Assad and “The Ambassador” exchange words, none of them very nice, but they do fall short of the four letter variety. Assad does call “The Ambassador” by the name “Your Excellency”, but looks like he really wanted to settle for “The Mildly Impressive”. Assad excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Wayne tells “The Ambassador” that he’s arranged for some airtime on national TV for Assad, and that he wants their Prime Minister to back him up. If he doesn’t, he’s got a aircraft carrier that’ll bomb them back to the stone age, which “The Ambassador” says will be a step up.

4:06 pm – At CTU, Nadia gives the status on Gredenko’s house for which there is no status. Morris can’t even give decent status because he’s become horribly confused about the whole “telephone” thing, and needs more time. Fortunately, we’re saved from these non-events by Jack calling Bill.

4:07 pm – Jack gives in to his fear of elevators by going down about 20 flights of stairs while simultaneously telling Bill to set up a FIVE BLOCK perimeter around the hotel to try and catch his father, who is apparently not perimeter-ready. Jack tells Bill that former President Manilow has information about Gredenko. Jack says he’ll need a helicopter, preferably not one that’s recently fallen off a building. Bill tells Jack that President Manilow screamed like a baby and after the other prisoners complained, he brokered a deal to get out of prison and is at a retreat. The retreat is conveniently nearby, and so is the helicopter they’re sending for Jack.

4:09 pm – Marilyn asked Jack what happened, amazed at the total lack of bullet holes in her son Josh or in Jack. Jack says tells Josh that he’ll explain what happened to him later, and since Josh has played a lot of Halo 2 and Unreal Tournament, he doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary about what happened and agrees. Jack tells a Curtis replacement to take Josh and Marilyn back to CTU, where nothing ever happens.

4:11 pm – Downstairs in the presidential bunker, a well dressed man passes a briefcase to a guard in plain sight of all the other guards, walks through a metal detector, without taking off his shoes or putting anything in clear plastic bags… and no one seems suspicious about this in the least. He finally passes the briefcase to another guard who proceeds to go through the briefcase and finds a yellow marker. The guard proceeds to start coloring in his coloring book, and when he’s satisfied with the results, puts the marker away again. The well dressed man’s name is “Mr. Carson”, who says he’s a “policy analyst” who is there for “civil defense policies”, neglecting to mention he’s going to try and test out those civil defense policies in a very uncivil way pretty soon. The guard gives Carson a keepsake of his voice to remember him by and then lets Reed and Carson through.

4:12 pm – Reed tells Carson about Lennox, and about his plan to take over Lennox’s office once President Wayne is dead. They go in to see Lennox, who appears to be trying to pole dance on a steam pipe. Carson doesn’t like this one bit because that was going to be HIS pole, so they move Lennox into a chair. It’s good to see the presidential bunker has tons of duct tape available, probably from the duct tape and plastic sheet terrorist directives from a few years ago. Anyway, Carson really lobbies to have Lennox killed, but Reed says that Lennox is just the sort of sleazy weasel they could use later. Carson says he doesn’t want to risk himself counting on Lennox following along with the plan, and Reed steps up and says that that’s a risk HE’S willing to take. Carson doesn’t see the flaw in this logic. Reed says that they’re not THAT kind of cold-blooded killers anyway, they’re more the “Really High Profile” cold-blooded killer types. They plan on getting President Wayne and Assad bombed within the next half an hour or so… the “fall down and go boom” kind, with emphasis on the “boom”.

Commercial

4:17 pm – Reed uses his evil e-mail abilities to send a message from Lennox’s computer to Melinda, the munchkin that talked to Wayne earlier.

4:18 pm – Morris and Chloe exchange nonsense technical jargon for a few minutes, and then argue about Morris’ drinking habits, which, I think would be justified had he not just been tortured by a large drill a few hours earlier. Chloe really presses it, and Morris finally babbles a bit more technical jargon and leaves. Chloe grabs his PocketPC handheld, which is running videos using TCPMP, and magically checks his phone log through it. Nadia comes over and asks Chloe where Morris is. Chloe says that they’re short handed, and that Morris’s juggling will suffer because of it, but they’re trying to help him out. She leaves Nadia with a look on her face that says someone didn’t invite her to the juggling show later, and says she’s going to watch Morris pretty carefully. Chloe tries to call Morris’ AA-sponsor, but gets her voice mail. Chloe says to call her back at (310) 597-3781. Bill tells Nadia that Jack is America’s last best hope.

4:20 pm – Jack lands at ex-President Manilow’s house, who seems remarkably informed about everything that’s been happening today even though he is still trapped in his house from last season. Manilow is wearing his checked flannel shirt to make himself look manlier. Manilow says he wants to help, with no conditions. He tries to convince Jack not to use official channels to find out about Gredenko. (Has Jack ever hesitated NOT to use official channels?) Manilow says that if Jack tries to confirm with Markov at the Russian consulate, he’s going to end up in a maze of twisty passages, all alike, or worse. Manilow says that Jack has to go through “back channels”, and Jack tells him he’s seen Brokeback Mountain, and he’s not interested. Manilow says that’s not what he means; what he really wants to do is call on Markov at the consulate and get the information himself. Jack says he doesn’t trust Manilow, and instead of saying “Duh!”, Manilow says he should start learning to trust more.

Commercial

4:28 pm – Jack calls President Wayne to break the news that he’s been talking to President Manilow, and urges him not to be jealous of that. Instead, Jack tells him that Manilow needs a furlough by executive order to go see Markov. President Wayne asks Jack if he realizes what that means. You’d think that Wayne would jump at this chance, considering Jack track records with passengers lately. Wayne thinks that Manilow might try and get away. Jack says that it’ll be ok because he’ll be on the security detail that goes into the consulate, and besides, Manilow runs like a girl anyway. Jack says that this is the only way that they’ll find Gredenko and the bombs. Wayne points out that “Gredenko and The Bombs” would be a good name for a rock band, and asks to speak with Manilow.

4:29 pm – Manilow tells Wayne that he has “a past” with Markov, and that he’s the best one for the job. Wayne says that if Manilow tries to make a run for it, they’ll tape the whole thing and put it on America’s Funniest Presidential Arrests. Manilow points out that several years ago, Wayne’s brother, President All-State, helped Manilow out and all he wants to do is help Wayne out now. Wayne doesn’t look too excited about this considering what happened to his brother, but finally agrees. Manilow tells Jack that he might not be the same man that Jack hated for so long. Jack says that if he’s got an evil twin that’s running around named Lore, that would completely fit into the whole “Star Trek” theme this season.

4:31 pm – A truck arrives and Gredenko opens the side to find a military drone, which he says that the American taxpayer has purchased, which means that it costs millions of dollars, and could be found for $1.89 on the Internet.

4:32 pm – At CTU, Bill is having yet another meeting, because he hasn’t had one in a while and was getting lonely. Bill gives a recap for anyone that hasn’t been watching for the last half hour. Bill tells Morris to hand over his work, and Morris stands up to give a speech about how he’s sorry for the whole “giving a trigger to the terrorists”. Bill agrees to give Morris his work back, over Nadia’s objections. I think she’s still upset about not getting that invitation to the juggling show Chloe told her about.

4:33 pm –Reed enters the electrical room again, under the not-so watchful eye of the Secret Service who don’t seem to be the least bit concerned with that room in the bunker.

Commercial

4:39 pm – Nadia can just not give Morris any slack, and goes to ask Chloe about “missing vectors”. Chloe covers for him and goes to talk to Morris. Morris says the vectors will be in his final report and tells her that “part me wants to go home, crawl into bed and forget this day ever happened”. I think we can all agree with that.

4:40 pm – Back at Manilow’s house, we see his television has been downgraded. He goes out to get his Presidential dress-up clothes. He quotes from Psalm 40, and somewhere a voice says “They’re so depressing”.

4:41 pm – We see that Jack, in addition to everything else he can do, is a quick change artist, because he’s now in a suit. He doesn’t look at all comfortable in it, because it’s probably (yeeech) one of Manilow’s suits. Jack is on the phone with Bill getting information on Markov, who Jack will probably be shooting really soon now. Bill calls Chloe to tell her to get everything arranged.

4:42 pm – Chloe takes a phone call from his AA-sponsor, and it turns out that she left several years earlier. Morris has been lying! Imagine that. I’m shocked. Really. Someone on the show staff is, I’m sure, because they play some really dramatic “Morris was lying music”. Chloe goes all over looking for him.

4:44 pm – Chloe runs into the men’s room to find out something that’s been on women’s minds everywhere: What does the inside of a men’s room really look like? Morris looks completely horrified that Chloe is in the room, and tells her that he has a NEW sponsor. Some guy tries to enter the bathroom, and Chloe tells him to hold it. She watches to make sure Morris washes his hands, and leaves. Morris pulls out a bottle of fake television whiskey and pours it out.

4:46 pm – The Presidential Munchkin hands Wayne the executive order to authorize Manilow’s release, and tells him that they’re actually going to rehearse for Assad’s speech. Wayne tells her to make sure that Lennox is there because he always does something good for the blooper reel.

4:47 pm – Back in Reed’s electrical closet, Lennox coughs through his duct tape. He looks disgusted that what he just coughed up is now stuck to the tape. Reed tries to make nice, and Lennox tries to tell him he’s just like Fayed. This doesn’t make Reed too happy. It turns out that the yellow and red markers that guard checked are actually EXPLOSIVE markers, and the tape recorder is a bomb too! That guard better not crumble up that paper, or they’ll get the idea something funny is going on when it explodes. Carson gives Reed instructions on how to set the bomb off remotely by entering numbers into a PDA.

Commercial

4:53 pm – To fill time until the top of the hour, Reed takes the long way around to the studio where Wayne and Assad are going to be practicing. Reed puts the explosive recorder at the podium as Wayne and Assad enter the room. They take a bit of time and exchange a bit of ironic banter about “taking risks”, and then launch into a bit of political speech. As Assad goes to the podium, Wayne seems to think the fact that Lennox, who is usually never more than five feet away, isn’t around is a bit weird.

4:57 pm – Back in the electrical room, Lennox sees a lever, hits it with his foot, and sends the pipe into the red zone. Carson notices and turns it off, and gives Lennox some extra duct tape.

4:59 pm – Reed enters the numbers into the device, which triggers the device to release some of the red liquid inside of it. Assad notices the red liquid, and since he’s done about a thousand of these bombs before, yells “Bomb”, dives for President Wayne and the podium blows up in a kind of spectacular fiberboard explosion. Lots of secret service guys go into the room. They find President Wayne! He’s got Presidential blood all over him!

5:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: PRESIDENT WAYNE HAS BORG TUBES IN HIM! VICE-PRESIDENT NOAH IS GOING TO TAKE OVER! REED TRIES TO PROTECT LENNOX! MANILOW DOESN’T GET SQUAT OUT OF MARKOV! JACK IS IN AN EMBASSY WITH A GUN! WE ALL REMEMBER HOW THINGS ENDED UP LAST TIME HE DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT! JACK THREATENS MARKOV WITH A CIGAR CUTTER!

Be sure and catch all of Steve’s summaries of Season 6 of “24”!